Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

Baby, you look good today.

Drop a little bit for me.

Sorry, honey, I can't got to go.

Not even a little one? No, honey, I can't.

And you know what?

Bryana doesn't like peaches.

Bye.

Baby Girl doesn't like peaches.

She knows everything about Baby Girl.

What about me?

Bernie Mac would like a little

hot drop in the morning.

But see, this is what happens when you got kids.

Grown folks can't play like they used to.

Shoot, I should have seen it coming.

Let me show y'all something.

Dig this.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm, yeah.

Mm.

(snores)

(smacks teeth)

(sighs)

(kisses)

See what I mean?

We're tired all the time, America.

That ain't us.

Never has been.

We need to mix it up a little bit.

I mean, get us some excitement.

You know?

Baby, I got reservations

for the Hot Springs.

Just me and you.

Nessa gonna watch the kids.

Me and you, baby. Ooh, fun.

When is it? Saturday.

Oh, honey, we can't.

Well, why?

'Cause, honey, we have plans Saturday night,

remember?

You promised.

This ain't healthy, America!

For either of us!

A man needs some alone time

with his wife.

I'm being deprived.

I want a hot drop.

What?

I don't care, it's natural.

How you think you got here?

(upbeat music playing)

♪ I want candy ♪

♪ I want candy ♪

♪ I want candy ♪

♪ I want candy ♪

Look what I have.

Hot chocolate chip cookies.

I'm allergic to chocolate

and most sweet things.

Well, now, that's why I got you

an organic oatmeal bar.

Thanks, Mrs. Mac.

You're welcome.

♪ I want candy ♪

Your mom is pretty.

She's not my mom, she's my aunt.

Where's your mom?

She's sick. GIRL: What's she got?

I bet I've had it before.

You seem tired.

Ooh, God, that was three hours ago.

BRYANA: Aunt Wanda!

(whimpers)

Damn, I thought I covered everything.

Oh, move, move, Bernie, move.

See?

It's affecting Wanda, too.

She never snaps at me!

But, it don't phase me.

Because I know what's up.

If you don't spend regular time together,

your rhythm gets off-- that's all.

Wanda needs a little rhythm.

You know what I mean?

A little caressing,

a little... on her little neck

around here, around here,

You know, that kind of thing.

I can't show you all my moves.

Oh, boy.

Mmm. Ooh, honey, please.

(spits)

Come on, baby.

Honey...

there's kids in the house.

There's always kids in the house.

Well, I'm exhausted.

I'm gonna take a shower,

and I'm going to bed.

(upbeat music playing)

SINGER: ♪ I been really tryin', baby ♪

♪ Tryin' to hold back this feelin' ♪

♪ For so long ♪

♪ And if you feel ♪

♪ Like I do, baby ♪

♪ Then come on... ♪

BERNIE: Good morning, baby.

Good morning.

Can I help you with something?

Uh, no, it'd be a good morning

if you just slept in.

But I just made breakfast for five kids.

Yeah, I see.

Hey...

Was a good night last night, wasn't it?

(laughs)

Uh-uh.

America...

what happened?

I thought I hit the joy button last night,

but she's still stuck on funk.

Giving me a, "Mm-hmm."

I put down last night.

We shared a religious experience.

I usually get...

(chuckles) (choir singing)

Yeah, anyway.

Well, I'll tell you one thing.

Bernie Mac...

he will make his woman happy.

America, I will

make my woman happy.

Ladies of America,

see, Bernie Mac begs your forgiveness.

See, I was acting like a man,

trying to solve a problem with sex.

What's bothering Wanda

is not an issue of the flesh.

It's the kids.

They're everywhere.

And we added two more last night.

She needs a break.

And Bernie Mac's gonna make sure she gets one.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on, baby. What, honey?

I want you to listen up.

I'm taking you to lunch.

To your favorite restaurant.

Just you, me,

and a bottle of Dom.

Well...

Wow.

What's the occasion?

Does a man need an occasion to take his wife out?

Huh?

You tell your boss

that your husband said you gonna be late.

I mean, like real late.

Like tomorrow late.

(chuckles)

Well, you're on. Okay?

I will tell my boss

what my husband said.

You owe it to yourself.

See ya.

See ya later.

Yeah, baby.

Monstrous.

Hey, honey.

Hey, I'm on my way to come get you.

Shoot, I left work early.

I've been thinking about this all morning.

I'm starving. Well, let's go hit it.

Yes.

Thanks.

You in, baby?

Yes, thank you, honey.

Ooh, honey, I think I'm going to have

the fillet of sole.

Ooh, and then I'm going to have

the chocolate mousse for dessert.

Thank you, honey.

My pleasure, sweetheart.

Hey, honey, what's this in the box?

Oh, that's my Goodwill box.

Is this Bryana's jacket?

No, that's Jordan's.

Wow, so tiny.

Yeah. You can still see the blood stain on it

when he fell out the tree playing Spider-Man.

My God, have they grown.

Four years.

Wow.

Four years.

(engine starts)

That is good, yeah.

Wow, I can't believe it.

What?

Four years.

Four years, and Bryana is twice the age

she was when she first...

Oh, Wanda, come on, now.

This is a kid-free zone, now. Okay.

This is our date.

We ain't talking about no kids tonight.

All right?

Ooh, honey, remember when they locked you out the house?

(laughs)

Wanda...

Come on, please.

Honey, it was funny.

They didn't lock me out,

and it wasn't funny.

They did lock you... Shut...

Honey, remember when I took the kids to work?

Can I have more wine over here, please?

Sir, may I have some wine?

Uh, my man, WAITER: Yes, sir?

can you please...

can we have some more wine?

Vanessa, can I ask you something?

No.

Do you look like Mom?

Why do you ask?

Aunt Wanda said she was pretty.

(chuckles)

What is that?

Oh, yeah, baby.

Thank you, honey. Uh-uh, come here, come here, come here.

We ain't done.

You and I are not done, sweetheart.

Oh, we're not? No, ma'am.

I'm about to go in the kitchen

and make you and I a pitcher of mojitos. Mmm.

Then I'm gonna go in the bathroom

and run us some hot bath water

with bubbles in it.

Oh, that sound nice.

Don't it? Mm-hmm.

Well, you know what? I've got an idea, too. What you got, baby?

You wait an extra few minutes for me...

Mmm. ...while I make my entrance?

Mm-hmm. Mm-kay?

Don't let me wait too long.

I won't.

Not after today.

You remember that one?

What are you guys doing?

We're looking at pictures of our mom.

Oh.

There's not a lot of pictures.

You see that, America?

She's out there telling the kids to leave us alone.

Mojitos.

Oh, yeah.

JUDY (over phone): Yes, this is Judy.

Yes, I'm Wanda Mac. I'm her sister-in-law.

JUDY (over phone): Stacy's not here anymore.

Okay, can you give me the last address you have?

BERNIE: Wanda!

Just a minute!

Okay, well, can I have

that pager number, please?

WOMAN (over phone): 555-4973.

Okay, the area code?

WOMAN (over phone): 201 in Atlantic City.

Atlantic City?

WOMAN (over phone): Yes, ma'am, Atlantic City.

(sighs)

SINGER: ♪ What's the matter with you...? ♪

Wanda!

SINGER: ♪ Hold me ♪

♪ Tight... ♪

Two plus two is four.

SINGER: ♪ Stylin' ♪

♪ Smilin' ♪

♪ Comes as no surprise... ♪

Hello? Is this Pumpkin?

PUMPKIN (over phone): Yeah, who's this?

Yeah, this is Wanda, Stacy's sister-in-law.

PUMPKIN (over phone): Stacy ain't here right now.

Could you tell her I'm trying to get

in touch with her, please?

PUMPKIN (over phone): Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

Bernie? Mmm?

Hmm?

Honey? Hey, baby.

Oh, honey. I thought you said

you were gonna come in and...

and join me.

Uh, I am.

I've been waiting on you.

I've been waiting on you all night.

I've been waiting on you all night.

You said you going to come in...

Baby. Shh.

Shh-shh. Just go back to sleep.

I'm going to get you a water and some aspirin.

(mimics gulping)

'Merica...

I mean Ladies of America...

I'm sick of ya'll.

You're just too damn hard

to get along with.

I put the hammer down.

I try to be romantic...

but it don't work.

Nothing works.

I'm just tired now.

So go ahead and let me get some rest.

Okay?

That's it, America.

Bernie Mac has done his best.

You saw me.

I tried to satisfy her.

Physical and emotional.

There ain't nothing left for me to do.

I mean, nothing good.

The only thing I haven't done, America,

is buy her something.

Hey, folks.

Hey, man. I'm Norman.

What are you looking for today--

a sports car, sedan, SUV?

Sports car. SUV.

Well, these cars are like boxes of chocolate.

They're all sweet.

Come over here, look at this.

Huh?

WANDA: Oh.

So, Mommy stopped letting the super fix things,

you know, after dark.

So, the heat got cut off.

Wasn't it cold? JORDAN: Mm-hmm,

but Mommy let us sleep in front of the oven.

And then she put all these plants in the kitchen,

and we pretended we were camping in the woods.

She was funnier than Uncle Bernie.

How did she get the heat back on?

JORDAN: Well, your dad went

and kicked the superintendent's butt.

And then we had the hottest apartment

in the whole building.

Until we got evicted.

What are you guys talking about?

Mommy.

Come in the kitchen, and I'll make you lunch.

Hey, she doesn't need to be hearing all that stuff.

She asked me.

You're not the boss of me.

Listen, I've been dealing with Stacy

all my entire life.

I know Stacy,

and if she's in Jersey, I think that's great.

And besides, we got this, you and I.

Baby Girl, she needs us.

Fine, whatever you say.

Thank you, and I appreciate it.

No, you know what? It's not fine.

Oh...

This isn't working for me at all.

Because you know what? You're right.

Bryana does count on you and me.

All three of the kids do.

But for how long?

Come on, Bernie, think about it.

Four years ago,

we said we would take your sister's kids in

until she got better.

And I appreciate it.

It's four years now.

I'm looking at jackets thinking

they're a year old.

But they're not.

And we are raising three kids--

you and me and nobody else.

NORMAN: So...

how are we doing in here?

Scared the hell out of me, I know that.

Well, you can go ahead and move the seats back.

There's plenty of room.

It's like a living room in here.

Fold-down arm rests, climate control,

DVD for the kids.

It's a great family car.

Our boys in Wisconsin, they don't miss a beat.

America, I don't think I've ever been more happier

to see a car salesman in my life.

I mean, did you hear her?

She was just talking for a good strong minute.

I mean, I'm surprised she's still got breath in her body.

And what am I supposed to say after all of that?

Nothing.

Wanda, what do you want?

I want to adopt the kids.

What?!

Well, these rear seats

come with car anchors for car seats.

And with the split back design,

it's a beautiful, I mean, a beautiful way you can...

Yeah?

You think you could show us the hood?

With pleasure. It is my favorite part. Come on.

That's pretty clever.

Uh...

You know, you just locked yourself in.

No, we just locked you out.

Jordan said we were put out.

Forget what Jordan says.

Jordan speaks the truth.

Shut up, Jordan.

You know what, I'm one growth spurt away

from your last "shut up."

Well, until that day comes, shut up.

Oh... BRYANA: Vanessa,

did Mom used to call you Choc?

Yeah. Short for "Chocolate Drop."

Uh-uh. (groans)

I don't know, sweetheart.

I think that'd be a betrayal to Stacy.

I mean, she's still their mother.

Okay. Well, let me say this one last thing, okay?

Okay.

Stacy doesn't love those kids enough

to have gotten herself together for their sake.

Okay. Hasn't she already betrayed them?

Okay, all right, I understand that.

I'll tell you what.

Let's go home and let's talk about it with the kids.

How about that?

So, we're going to talk about it?

As a family.

Well, America,

I finally found out what's wrong with Wanda.

And I should be happy to know it's not sex.

But I'm confused.

Bernie Mac is stumped.

America, 'cause, I just want to do the right thing.

That's all I want to do is the right thing.

All right, you sure this is the right thing

before we go in there?

Well, I feel like I don't know

what my place is in these kids' lives.

Yeah.

I mean, I've become attached to them,

and if Stacy ever calls to take them,

it would hurt me.

So, before you go ahead,

you want to make sure that your position is defined

as a mother.

Yeah.

All right.

You ready?

Okay.

So, Mom had this friend named Mr. Dutton

and he used to like to experiment.

One day I asked, "Can fish get drunk?"

He said, "Well, I don't know.

Let's find out."

So, he poured a whole thing of vodka in the fish tank.

We had a fish tank?

Not after that.

JORDAN: And he only had one eye,

so he used to wear this eye patch.

And he used to walk like this.

He did.

And he used to say,

"What you lookin' at,

what you lookin' at?"

And when Mom got sick of him,

she would snatch his eye patch

and throw it down the street.

JORDAN: Mm-hmm. And he told Vanessa to go get it,

and Mama would say, "Choc, don't you move."

And she said it that way to let you know

she was serious.

BRYANA: I don't remember Mom's voice.

Do you want to talk to her?

Can we? Yeah, we can?

Of course.

Jordan and I just need to find the number.

Come with me.

Bryana, Mom's on the phone, she wants to talk to you.

(gasps)

Mommy?

I'm fine.

How are you doing?

I'm glad to hear that.

Uncle Bernie, it's Mom!

Well, I guess Pumpkin did come through.

Stacy?

Uh... No, it's me, Uncle Bernie.

What the hell is going on?

Bryana is really missing our mom.

You know, we just got through talking about you.

Can I talk to her?

Hey, uh, Stace,

uh, Wanda wants to say something to you.

Okay, she said she can't talk long.

WANDA: Stacy, where are you?

Oh.

Okay.

No, you know what?

No, if you have to go,

hey, I understand, you have to go.

But, um, say good-bye to your daughter, okay?

Okay, and you call us when you can.

All right, talk to you later.

Hold on.

Don't hang up now. You have to talk to Vanessa.

SINGER: ♪ As around the sun the earth knows she's... ♪

Vanessa!

SINGER: ♪ And the rosebuds know to bloom in early May ♪

How you feel, Wanda?

SINGER: ♪ Just as hate knows love's the cure ♪

Wow.

SINGER: ♪ ...your mind assure ♪

♪ That I'll be loving you always ♪

You see what my baby just did, America?

She saw Baby Girl's face all lit up like that.

She knew that girl needed to believe

that one day Stacy would be fine.

America,

Wanda sacrificed what she wanted

for the well-being of the children.

And that's what any good mother would do.

SINGERS: ♪ Until the ocean covers every... ♪

America...

SINGER: ♪ Always ♪

I'm proud.

SINGERS: ♪ ...and parrots live at sea ♪

and he used to like to experiment.

He would say... I would say...

Oh. Mom had this friend named Mr. Dutton.

He was...

Mom had this friend named Mr. Dutton

and he liked to experiment.

And... I would ask him, "Can fish get drunk?"

And he would say, "Well..."

Oh!

(laughter)

I blame you for this.

BRYANA: (indistinct) I'm sorry.

Captioned by Visual Data