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1
00:00:04,196 --> 00:00:06,422
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,643
(upbeat music playing)
3
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,182
-Uncle Bernie,
can I help you barbecue?
-No, sir. No. Uh-uh.
4
00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:27,943
Aw, you always say no.
When can I help?
5
00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:30,812
When can he help?
When weenies fly.
6
00:00:30,889 --> 00:00:33,657
America, the last time I tried
to teach him to barbecue,
7
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:37,402
all he wanted to do was stick
his fist in the chicken's butt.
8
00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:39,329
I'm scared to leave him
alone with a link.
9
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:40,697
Little freak.
10
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,382
Still, every man wants someone
11
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,409
to pass his barbecue secrets
down to, you know?
12
00:00:44,486 --> 00:00:47,037
That's just...
just the way it is.
13
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:50,707
Okay, son. Tell you
what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna give you a test.
14
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,211
-If you pass this test,
I'll teach you how to barbecue.
-Okay.
15
00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:57,297
Now, I want you
to flip the burgers over.
16
00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,924
Not a second too early,
and not a second too late.
17
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,300
You understand me?
18
00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:02,436
But--But how will I know?
19
00:01:03,755 --> 00:01:05,138
Trust the meat.
20
00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:07,691
(grill sizzling)
21
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,638
(clanging)
22
00:01:41,877 --> 00:01:43,068
(groans)
23
00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:45,887
These burgers
are disgusting.
24
00:01:45,964 --> 00:01:49,599
Yeah, they're a
little bit... burnt.
25
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,268
Why y'all looking at me?
26
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:52,778
Jordan, you wanna
tell them what happened?
27
00:01:52,855 --> 00:01:54,771
I-I didn't trust the meat.
28
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,657
You didn't
trust something.
29
00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:01,620
Hey, hey, hey! You can't go
wasting food, now.
30
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:09,786
Mmm! These burgers are
mm-mmm good, little man! Mmm!
31
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,131
You cwazy.
32
00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:14,800
Mmm! Oh, thank you,
princess.
33
00:02:16,912 --> 00:02:19,171
(smacking lips)
Mmm!
34
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:21,131
Gimme another one.
35
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,800
He thinks everything
in my house tastes good.
36
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,677
(imitates chewing food)
'Cause it's free.
37
00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:28,180
Look, America,
I'm glad the man
moved out here
38
00:02:28,256 --> 00:02:30,348
to be close to his daughter,
but I don't think
39
00:02:30,425 --> 00:02:32,601
he counted
on how expensive kids are.
40
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,562
Especially Elizabeth Taylor
over here.
41
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:36,947
Yeah...
(sighing)
42
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,448
Mm-hmm... yeah...
43
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:42,485
Already... (stammers)
out of control.
44
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,822
Look out, brother!
They're about to let
a spike strip down.
45
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,657
Swerve!
Swerve!
46
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:48,959
Ooh!
47
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,077
Oh, man.
Look at that!
48
00:02:51,154 --> 00:02:52,829
They got a brother
rollin' on rims.
49
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,749
Ooh, ooh. Oh, okay.
Watch this, watch this.
50
00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:57,258
Look, in a second,
51
00:02:57,336 --> 00:02:59,044
they're gonna find
his stash in his pocket.
52
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,637
How do you know
that, Daddy?
53
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:03,173
That's because
I'm observant.
You see, me.
54
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,634
I don't miss nothing.
VANESSA:
Bryan?
55
00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:06,718
Yeah?
56
00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:08,345
Do you mind?
What?
57
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,055
If you wanna talk
to the screen,
58
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,556
go down
to the Magic Johnson Theater.
59
00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:14,267
Mmm. My bad.
60
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:16,019
Can we go to the movies, Daddy?
61
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,604
Naw.
62
00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,689
Princess, we can watch
a movie right now.
63
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,734
Okay, now, which one
is the movie button
on the remote?
64
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:26,196
No, she means she wants to go
to the movie theater.
65
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:28,940
Where she can get
buttered popcorn and licorice.
66
00:03:32,654 --> 00:03:35,247
Oh, you just want
some popcorn, princes?
67
00:03:35,323 --> 00:03:39,000
I'm pretty sure
Uncle Bernie wouldn't mind
popping us some popcorn.
68
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,836
Uh... Bernie!
69
00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,213
Bernie!
70
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,714
BERNIE:
What?
71
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,516
Hey, man, would you mind
popping us some popcorn?
72
00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:49,135
Uh, with extra butter.
Uh, a little salt.
73
00:03:49,212 --> 00:03:51,471
Anything else?
Yeah!
74
00:03:51,548 --> 00:03:54,224
Some of that
cheesy spray,
if you got some!
75
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:57,227
(to himself):
"Some of that cheese spray,
if you got it."
76
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,446
Some folks don't know
when to go home. I...
77
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,108
What the...?
78
00:04:03,184 --> 00:04:05,193
Who in the hell
bit off this pear
79
00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:06,745
and put it back in the basket?
80
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,906
Don't make no doggone sense.
81
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,291
Look at this.
82
00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,452
Bit the pear,
put it in the basket,
83
00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:16,255
garbage all on the floor...
84
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,873
(sighs)
85
00:04:18,950 --> 00:04:19,925
Animals!
86
00:04:21,119 --> 00:04:23,962
Bunch of doggone animals.
You hear me?
87
00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:26,172
I'm living
with a bunch of animals!
88
00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:27,507
You hear what I said?
89
00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:29,893
A bunch of doggone animals.
90
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,888
Oh, my...
(screams)
91
00:04:33,965 --> 00:04:35,899
Let's go see
what that is.
92
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,600
Hey, hey, hey, Bernie.
93
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:38,852
Everything cool, man?
What's up?
94
00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:40,420
Look!
95
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,439
WANDA: (gasps)
Ooh, my dear Lord,
what is it?
96
00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,399
It's a rat!
It's a possum.
97
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,818
It's ugly.
Hey, hey, we better
get this outta here.
98
00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,737
Hey, Bernie,
where's your gat, man?
My what?
99
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:51,614
Your gun.
Your--Your toolie, man.
Your--Your piece.
100
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,491
Don't tell me
you're livin' this phat
101
00:04:53,568 --> 00:04:54,826
and you ain't got no
heat up in the house.
102
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:57,329
I ain't got no gat, fool.
This ain't the ghetto.
103
00:04:57,405 --> 00:04:59,622
Tell that to that big ass
rat in this kitchen.
104
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:02,000
This is
a custom-made floor.
You think I'm gonna shoot it up?
105
00:05:02,077 --> 00:05:03,802
Y'all got
too much damn money.
106
00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:08,882
(grunting)
107
00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,475
(shuddering)
108
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,262
(door shuts)
109
00:05:14,339 --> 00:05:15,388
Okay, it's gone.
110
00:05:15,465 --> 00:05:16,973
You sure, baby?
111
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,359
-Oh, my goodness.
-What?
112
00:05:19,436 --> 00:05:21,311
My man is scared
of a little bitty
old rat.
113
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,313
I ain't afraid of no rat, man.
114
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:26,149
It just ca--caught me
by... by surprise.
115
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,734
Oh! Oh, okay.
Uh...
116
00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:28,985
'Cause it look like
you were scared.
117
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,528
Naw.
118
00:05:30,605 --> 00:05:32,155
Shoot, I'm a man about mine.
119
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,615
Oh, get on
down there, man.
120
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,459
It's all cool.
(chuckling)
121
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,961
There he is!
Watch out! He's behind you!
(cackling)
122
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,079
Quit playing, man.
123
00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:40,914
(squeaking)
124
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:44,042
I checked your soffits
and your subbasement.
125
00:05:44,119 --> 00:05:45,460
There are no other openings,
126
00:05:45,537 --> 00:05:47,462
so just keep
your patio doors closed,
127
00:05:47,539 --> 00:05:49,547
and that should prevent it
from coming inside again.
128
00:05:49,624 --> 00:05:52,425
Well, what about outside?
Well, you can
always set a trap.
129
00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:55,011
Oh, no.
I don't want to trap it.
130
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,389
Uh... Well, you know
the solution.
131
00:05:57,465 --> 00:05:58,556
Pop, pop.
132
00:05:58,633 --> 00:06:00,433
We're not getting a gun.
133
00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:02,560
Actually, some people do
get BB guns to scare 'em.
134
00:06:02,637 --> 00:06:03,520
BRYAN:
See? See?
135
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:04,896
And he's an expert.
136
00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:06,615
No gun.
(sighs)
137
00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:09,493
Any alternatives?
138
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,454
Feed it some
of your cooking.
(chuckling)
139
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,699
(sighs) You know,
I can't believe
140
00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:19,119
Animal Control
didn't have any better idea
141
00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:20,495
than shut the door.
142
00:06:20,572 --> 00:06:22,705
Well, what about
that BB gun idea?
143
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:25,500
Oh, no, honey.
There will be no gun
in this house of any kind.
144
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:28,211
Well, Wanda, you the one
got us moved out here
145
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,879
in the middle
of Wild Kingdom.
146
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,881
I wanted to move over
there in Wilshire Corridor,
147
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,926
with a real doorman,
with civilized people.
148
00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,019
That's enough, honey.
149
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,387
(chuckles)
Good night.
150
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:40,190
Mmm... good night.
151
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,400
Good night, babe.
I love you.
152
00:06:41,476 --> 00:06:43,527
Love you, too.
(sighs)
153
00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:49,865
Honey?
Yeah?
154
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,743
How soon
can you get that gun?
155
00:07:10,538 --> 00:07:13,339
We got a BB gun?
Oh, thank you, Lord.
156
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,283
Now there's hope
for a dirt bike.
157
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,760
No, it's not, and there
ain't no hope for you
ever touching this gun,
158
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:20,138
so you can stop
praying to Jesus.
159
00:07:20,215 --> 00:07:22,640
What? But that's not fair!
First I miss the possum.
160
00:07:22,717 --> 00:07:25,477
Now I can't even touch
the BB gun?
That's right.
161
00:07:25,553 --> 00:07:27,145
I can't even trust you
with a salad shooter.
162
00:07:27,222 --> 00:07:29,481
And you think I'm gonna
allow you to fire this gun?
163
00:07:29,557 --> 00:07:31,399
No, sir. Uh-uh.
164
00:07:31,476 --> 00:07:33,994
There's only one person
in this house
gonna handle this gun.
165
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,363
Here you go, Bryan.
Oh, oh!
166
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,573
Go out there
and catch that thang for me.
167
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:39,908
Oh, all right, Bernie!
168
00:07:39,984 --> 00:07:42,577
Earn all the burgers
that you ate.
169
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:44,463
So, you gonna come hunting
with us, Uncle Bernie?
170
00:07:44,539 --> 00:07:46,289
No, son, I got things to do.
171
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,832
Uh... What things?
172
00:07:47,909 --> 00:07:49,626
Mind-your-business-type things.
173
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:52,545
Oh, it's probably best
that you stay inside
174
00:07:52,622 --> 00:07:54,172
with the womenfolk
anyway.
175
00:07:54,249 --> 00:07:56,382
Let the real men do
the hunting, right, J?
176
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,842
Right, Bry guy.
177
00:07:57,919 --> 00:07:59,511
Oh please.
178
00:07:59,587 --> 00:08:01,396
Whoa!
Whoa!
179
00:08:01,473 --> 00:08:02,931
I ain't scared of that possum.
180
00:08:03,007 --> 00:08:04,474
I just don't wanna sit outside
181
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:05,934
on a hot summer evening,
that's all.
182
00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:07,852
The mosquitoes and stuff
all out there.
183
00:08:07,929 --> 00:08:09,854
They got
the West Nile Virus now.
184
00:08:09,931 --> 00:08:12,023
They lay their eggs and stay
in the water, you know.
185
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:15,535
America, drain your pools
and fountains.
186
00:08:16,938 --> 00:08:18,530
Well, I didn't have
any camouflage,
187
00:08:18,606 --> 00:08:20,823
but you can wear
the ski mask.
188
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,534
Man, a black man
can't wear this!
189
00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:25,370
Not with the LAPD out there.
190
00:08:25,446 --> 00:08:27,872
Aah... Pow!
191
00:08:27,949 --> 00:08:30,708
Pop, pop go da weasel.
(chuckles)
192
00:08:30,785 --> 00:08:32,636
I don't know
why my Uncle Bernie
doesn't let me shoot it.
193
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,137
He never lets me
do anything fun.
194
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,756
Aw, man, you guys
don't see eye to eye.
195
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,184
Because he still
thinks of you as a kid.
196
00:08:39,261 --> 00:08:40,593
He also thinks you're soft.
197
00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:43,012
Wait. Do you think I'm soft?
198
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,390
Now, would I be chillin'
with you if I did? Hmm?
199
00:08:45,466 --> 00:08:47,943
See, me and you,
we right here, bruh.
200
00:08:48,019 --> 00:08:49,903
We right there.
201
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:51,813
Can I hold it?
202
00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:53,815
Well, he said
you couldn't shoot it.
203
00:08:53,891 --> 00:08:56,109
He never said
you couldn't hold it, right?
204
00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:58,119
Right.
(chuckles)
205
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,698
(shot fires)
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
It went off by accident.
206
00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:03,908
Hey, man, you gotta
be careful with this.
Sorry.
207
00:09:03,985 --> 00:09:06,169
A gun is a dangerous thing.
208
00:09:08,623 --> 00:09:10,790
Were you aiming at that?
209
00:09:10,867 --> 00:09:11,925
Kinda.
210
00:09:14,662 --> 00:09:16,838
Do it again.
Do it again.
211
00:09:16,914 --> 00:09:18,265
(upbeat music playing)
212
00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,441
Switch it.
(gunshot)
213
00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:29,475
(grunting)
214
00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:31,278
(gunshot)
215
00:09:31,354 --> 00:09:33,822
(gunshots continue)
216
00:09:34,891 --> 00:09:36,283
(gunshots continue)
217
00:09:38,436 --> 00:09:39,861
Pow!
Ha-ha!
218
00:09:39,937 --> 00:09:41,454
Ha-ha!
That's what's up.
219
00:09:41,531 --> 00:09:42,614
Yeah, I always
hated that thing.
220
00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:43,790
(distant clatter)
221
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:47,919
Shh, shh!
(murmur)
222
00:09:49,364 --> 00:09:50,955
Hey, you got it.
You got it.
223
00:09:51,032 --> 00:09:53,041
Okay, I got it.
Get it.
224
00:09:53,117 --> 00:09:55,126
Shh! Shh!
225
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:56,085
(gunshot)
226
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,095
(shattering glass)
227
00:09:57,172 --> 00:09:58,212
Oh, you son of a...!
228
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:01,007
(yelps)
229
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,508
Oh, Lord.
230
00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:04,969
(chuckles)
I'll be damned.
231
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,314
No, don't laugh.
I'm in trouble.
232
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,851
Doggone it, Jordan. I told you
not to handle this gun.
233
00:10:11,928 --> 00:10:14,103
Yeah, but since Bryan
thought I was such
a crack shot...
234
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,489
Well, you
know, you did shoot him
in his crack.
235
00:10:16,566 --> 00:10:17,507
(both laughing)
236
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:18,816
Oh, you think it's funny, huh?
237
00:10:18,893 --> 00:10:20,818
I... come on,
Bernie, man.
238
00:10:20,895 --> 00:10:24,489
It is a little funny, right?
(cackling)
239
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:27,200
Come see how hard you both
be laughing when this gun
go back to the store.
240
00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:29,827
'Cause that's
directly where it's going.
241
00:10:29,904 --> 00:10:31,254
No ifs, ands, or buts.
242
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:32,664
(both laughing)
243
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:34,341
He said "butts"
244
00:10:38,663 --> 00:10:40,263
How you like that, America?
245
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,173
I got shot at and laughed at.
246
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,675
But I'm gonna
tell you something.
247
00:10:43,751 --> 00:10:45,677
I'm not gonna sit for it.
248
00:10:45,753 --> 00:10:47,228
I really can't.
249
00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:58,856
Mmm-mmm-mmm! Mmm!
250
00:10:58,933 --> 00:11:01,192
All right, we'll let that do
some deep heating. Okay?
251
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:04,696
Oh, Wanda, you should've saw
Jordan laughing dead in my face.
252
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,665
Both of 'em
just sniggling and giggling.
253
00:11:06,741 --> 00:11:10,410
He should've shot me
with a kill shot.
That's what he should've did.
254
00:11:10,486 --> 00:11:13,538
Now the boy gonna learn
respect the hard way.
255
00:11:13,614 --> 00:11:16,624
-Honey, you can't beat
respect into him.
-Well, maybe not.
256
00:11:16,701 --> 00:11:18,876
But I can sure beat
disrespect out of him.
257
00:11:18,953 --> 00:11:22,130
-Honey, relax.
-Oh, Wanda, I'm just saying.
258
00:11:22,206 --> 00:11:25,717
You know, Jordan used to look up
to me before Bryan got here.
259
00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:29,679
Now, see,
that's the problem, it's Bryan.
He a bad influence.
260
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,314
Why? Because he likes
to have fun with Jordan?
261
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,015
I like to have
fun, too, Wanda.
262
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:35,402
That's why you gave him
a barbecue test.
263
00:11:37,555 --> 00:11:40,006
(exhales)
264
00:11:43,811 --> 00:11:45,653
Hey, Jordan.
265
00:11:45,730 --> 00:11:48,990
My team playing today, man.
I was thinking
about calling over the boys.
266
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,709
-Okay, I'll make myself scarce.
-No, no, no, no.
267
00:11:50,785 --> 00:11:52,243
Son, son, I want you here.
268
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,287
Maybe you can help me make
my famous barbecue ribs.
269
00:11:54,363 --> 00:11:56,505
-How 'bout that?
-No, no. Too much pressure.
270
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,333
No, it won't.
It won't be any pressure.
I promise. It'll be fun.
271
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,502
And I'll teach you everything
I know. How 'bout that?
272
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,087
Really?
Yeah.
273
00:12:03,164 --> 00:12:04,497
Bryan!
274
00:12:04,574 --> 00:12:06,424
Uncle Bernie's
gonna teach us
to make barbecue!
275
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:07,759
Teach me?
276
00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:09,594
Boy, I wrote the book.
But you know what?
277
00:12:09,670 --> 00:12:13,055
-Since I love to eat,
I'm in on it.
-Bet you are.
278
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:15,400
Hey, man. Imma make me
another sandwich.
279
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:25,994
Choose your weapon.
280
00:12:27,522 --> 00:12:32,784
Okay, we'll call you King Tong.
And I'll be Flip Wilson.
281
00:12:32,860 --> 00:12:34,869
Oh, that's cool, man.
What do I get to be?
282
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,955
Quiet. Now, I like
the baby back ribs.
283
00:12:38,032 --> 00:12:42,460
You know why?
Because they're more spicy
and tender than the beef.
284
00:12:42,537 --> 00:12:43,586
Hmm, speak for yourself.
285
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:45,354
I was.
286
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:49,759
Now, son, every cook got
their own signature rub.
287
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:53,897
Mine consists of a bunch
of herbs and spices such as...
288
00:12:59,437 --> 00:13:00,645
I'll tell ya later.
289
00:13:00,721 --> 00:13:03,606
Now, to start with, son,
290
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,608
you start with just a pinch...
291
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,026
Like this.
Look at that.
292
00:13:07,103 --> 00:13:09,487
You see how smoothly
I run that across there?
293
00:13:09,564 --> 00:13:10,488
Look at that.
294
00:13:10,565 --> 00:13:12,824
Let me see you try it.
295
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,417
Come on, rub it on.
There you...
296
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:15,827
No, man. You got to do
297
00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:17,495
what the man say
on that show. Bam!
298
00:13:17,572 --> 00:13:18,797
That's what
you got to do.
299
00:13:18,873 --> 00:13:20,164
Then you got to work
it like a turntable.
300
00:13:20,241 --> 00:13:22,083
(imitates DJ scratching)
301
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,669
Hey, come work the wheels
of steel with me. Come on.
302
00:13:24,745 --> 00:13:28,339
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Man, I'm trying
to teach my son how to cook.
303
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:31,509
Man, I'm just trying
to show him how to have
some fun while cooking.
304
00:13:31,586 --> 00:13:33,261
We were having fun.
305
00:13:33,337 --> 00:13:36,022
Besides, you're teaching him
how to rub the meat all wrong.
306
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,767
Is that true? Huh?
307
00:13:39,844 --> 00:13:41,227
You been rubbing
the meat wrong?
308
00:13:41,304 --> 00:13:42,854
(both laughing)
309
00:13:42,930 --> 00:13:44,823
'Cause... If you...
I'm-a show you how to do it.
310
00:13:44,899 --> 00:13:47,149
You gotta squeeze it.
Squeeze it
and then massage it.
311
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,986
We just massaging.
Uh-huh, there you,
right there.
312
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:52,947
He's rubbing me
the wrong way, America.
313
00:13:53,024 --> 00:13:55,491
He's a bigger pest
than that doggone possum.
314
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:59,704
But there's only one way
to get rid of a pest.
(chuckling)
315
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,381
You need bait.
316
00:14:05,786 --> 00:14:07,712
Daddy, wanna take me
to Make-a-Bear?
317
00:14:07,788 --> 00:14:10,423
Uh, hey,
I would love to,
sweetheart.
318
00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:12,049
But I can't right now.
319
00:14:12,126 --> 00:14:14,352
I'm helping Jordan
and your Uncle Bernie barbecue.
320
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,824
Where'd you get that?
321
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,192
Uncle Bernie.
Hmm.
322
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:25,646
Well, I figure Jordan and Bernie
can finish barbecuing without
me.
323
00:14:25,723 --> 00:14:30,493
Make-a-Bear,
here we come.
(laughing)
324
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,038
Now for some serious grilling.
325
00:14:35,733 --> 00:14:37,783
Jordan,
what did you do, man?
326
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:39,410
I put the sauce
on for you.
327
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,621
You don't put the sauce
on while it's cooking.
328
00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:44,248
It turns black.
You ruined it.
329
00:14:44,325 --> 00:14:47,084
-Well, I'm sorry.
I just thought that...
-You didn't think nothing.
330
00:14:47,161 --> 00:14:49,462
Now, look at ya.
You ruined
the doggone meat.
331
00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:50,755
You killed it.
332
00:14:50,831 --> 00:14:52,765
You killed
the doggone 'cue.
333
00:14:53,885 --> 00:14:55,009
(slams down utensil)
334
00:14:55,086 --> 00:14:56,761
Uh, Jordan. Jordan, listen.
335
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,387
I'm sorry, son. I'm sorry.
336
00:14:58,464 --> 00:14:59,522
Jordan, come on back.
337
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,766
I'm sorry. Jordan!
338
00:15:01,842 --> 00:15:03,601
You can come ruin the meat!
339
00:15:03,678 --> 00:15:05,144
Kill all the meat you want.
340
00:15:05,221 --> 00:15:06,279
Dang!
341
00:15:22,947 --> 00:15:26,290
Hey, Jordan. I'm not gonna be
able to help you barbecue
anymore, man.
342
00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:28,551
Me and Bryana,
we're about to roll out.
343
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:29,794
We're finished
barbecuing.
344
00:15:29,870 --> 00:15:31,587
I put the sauce on too soon,
345
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,464
and Uncle Bernie threw 'em away.
346
00:15:33,541 --> 00:15:35,716
No ribs for the football party.
347
00:15:35,793 --> 00:15:37,468
Football party?
348
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:40,146
Bernie didn't mention anything
about a football party.
349
00:15:41,757 --> 00:15:43,307
He must've forgot
to invite me.
350
00:15:43,384 --> 00:15:45,935
I think he just
doesn't like ya,
Daddy.
351
00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:49,814
Nonsense.
Everybody love Big B.
352
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:53,993
Dang! I had
my heart set
on some ribs.
353
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:58,030
Ah... But you know what?
354
00:15:58,107 --> 00:16:00,908
I got a C-note that say
we can get our own barbecue.
355
00:16:00,985 --> 00:16:02,743
Hey, you're supposed
to spend that on me.
356
00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:05,830
Hey, hey, hey!
Keep your mouth shut,
357
00:16:05,906 --> 00:16:07,665
and you can keep
the change.
358
00:16:07,742 --> 00:16:09,968
Hey, let's go get
some meat, Jordan.
359
00:16:10,044 --> 00:16:12,670
Gimmie that money
back, girl!
360
00:16:12,747 --> 00:16:14,463
(indistinct commentating
and shouting on TV)
361
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:15,798
Wanda, what's up?
362
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,050
Can a brother get
a rib with this chip?
363
00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:20,511
For real. I wonder
where Bernie is
with the barbecue.
364
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:22,080
What? Where are you?
365
00:16:22,156 --> 00:16:25,942
(tuts)
I thought you were
in the bedroom.
366
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,321
(clears throat)
367
00:16:30,398 --> 00:16:32,189
Bernie's picking up
Chinese food.
368
00:16:32,266 --> 00:16:33,757
Chinese?
369
00:16:33,835 --> 00:16:35,693
The only reason I come here
is for the barbecue.
370
00:16:35,770 --> 00:16:37,361
What about the football?
371
00:16:37,438 --> 00:16:39,739
Man, to me,
football is soccer.
(laughs)
372
00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:42,700
Pipe down, honey.
Okay, I'll ask them.
373
00:16:42,777 --> 00:16:45,119
He wants to know
if there's anything special
you guys want.
374
00:16:45,196 --> 00:16:48,539
Yes. We want him
to bring his butt back here
375
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:49,832
and make us
some barbecue.
376
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,175
For real!
377
00:16:51,252 --> 00:16:53,377
(commentator speaking
indistinctly on TV)
378
00:16:53,454 --> 00:16:56,881
Ooh-wee! Bernie, this
is some good barbecue.
379
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:59,050
Yeah, Bernie.
I was getting worried
we were gonna have Chinese.
380
00:16:59,126 --> 00:17:00,885
I didn't make no doggone ribs.
381
00:17:00,961 --> 00:17:02,845
Where'd y'all get that from?
382
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:05,890
Jordan and I made it, man.
You're welcome.
383
00:17:05,966 --> 00:17:08,059
You made it?
Mm-hmm.
384
00:17:08,135 --> 00:17:10,227
Tell me there's
some slaw in those bags.
385
00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:12,271
-Who the hell are you?
-My bad, Bernie.
386
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:14,690
That's Roe-roe
and that's Boogie.
387
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,401
-Hey, Roe-roe, Boogie.
Bernie Mac.
-What's up, Bernie?
388
00:17:17,478 --> 00:17:19,570
Yeah, I didn't think
you'd mind if I invited
a couple of people over, man.
389
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:21,322
I didn't invite you.
390
00:17:21,398 --> 00:17:24,658
Oh, I get it. You smell
my ribs cooking, huh?
391
00:17:24,735 --> 00:17:26,243
You want some for yourself,
don't you? Don't worry.
392
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,245
I'll make you
a special platter
393
00:17:28,322 --> 00:17:30,289
of my rib-a-dib-dib
grab your bib ribs.
394
00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:33,250
I don't want none
of your rib-a-dib-dib
grab your rib bibs.
395
00:17:33,327 --> 00:17:35,628
Whatever it is,
I don't want none.
Oh, that cool, man,
396
00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:37,797
'cause we got links, too.
397
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,258
Yo, J-man!
Hey, put another link
on the grill for your Uncle B.
398
00:17:41,335 --> 00:17:42,392
Mild or spicy?
399
00:17:42,470 --> 00:17:43,986
What he doin' out there
barbecuing?
400
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,564
Hey, don't worry
about it, man.
We got that under control.
401
00:17:46,641 --> 00:17:48,641
Watch this. Imma teach
him how to flip a rib.
402
00:17:48,717 --> 00:17:51,936
Flip it!
You...! Baby, you see
what's goin' on out there?
403
00:17:52,012 --> 00:17:54,605
Yeah, can I talk
to you in the kitchen?
Zip into the kitchen.
404
00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:58,025
While you're there,
can you bring some Wonder bread
to help soak up this grease?
405
00:17:58,102 --> 00:18:00,569
What are you
so upset about?
406
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:01,737
What?
407
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,572
What I'm so upset about?
408
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:06,492
Wanda, you don't bring barbecue
into another man's house.
409
00:18:06,569 --> 00:18:08,911
You saw all those people
in there, and you servin' them!
410
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,538
Well, they said
they were your guests.
411
00:18:10,614 --> 00:18:11,956
You're the one that promised
them barbecue...
412
00:18:12,032 --> 00:18:13,124
You know I ain't
told nobody--
413
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:17,128
(indistinct commentary on TV)
414
00:18:17,204 --> 00:18:19,296
That is one ugly-ass dog!
415
00:18:19,373 --> 00:18:20,840
(music playing)
416
00:18:20,916 --> 00:18:23,476
The possum is back!
I'm gonna go
get my camera.
417
00:18:25,754 --> 00:18:28,013
Rock-a-bye, baby.
418
00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:29,482
Wait! What are you doing?
Don't shoot it.
419
00:18:30,801 --> 00:18:33,185
Oh, yeah, right. Right.
420
00:18:33,262 --> 00:18:35,855
-You should have the honors.
-I don't wanna kill it.
421
00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:38,616
Oh, well, step back, then...
'cause this could splatter.
422
00:18:38,693 --> 00:18:40,317
No! Stop! Don't do it!
423
00:18:40,394 --> 00:18:42,653
JORDAN: Stop!
Uncle Bernie!
424
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,322
Hold that. Hold that.
Ooh!
425
00:18:45,399 --> 00:18:47,283
You gotta pump that gun
at least ten times
426
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,827
if you want it to go
through the bone.
427
00:18:49,904 --> 00:18:52,371
Yeah, you right. You right!
428
00:18:52,448 --> 00:18:54,832
Yeah.
(laughing)
429
00:18:54,909 --> 00:18:56,926
Uncle Bernie,
do something!
430
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,711
Oh, yeah, we got this one.
431
00:18:58,787 --> 00:19:00,212
Uh-huh.
432
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:01,589
Hold on!
433
00:19:01,665 --> 00:19:03,266
Just hold on!
434
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:06,677
SINGER: ♪ Shoot 'em'fore he runs, now ♪
435
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:09,355
♪ Do the jerk, baby ♪
436
00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:13,359
Watch out. Watch out!
437
00:19:15,104 --> 00:19:17,697
(possum grunts and snarls)
438
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,242
Yay, Uncle Bernie!
439
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:31,586
BERNIE:
Yo, Jordan!
Is that you?
440
00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:35,039
Yeah.
441
00:19:35,115 --> 00:19:36,382
How was school?
442
00:19:37,251 --> 00:19:39,802
Mmm, okay.
Did Animal Control come?
443
00:19:41,422 --> 00:19:42,388
Yeah.
444
00:19:43,257 --> 00:19:45,758
Did they take Ernie away?
445
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:46,933
Yeah.
446
00:19:48,295 --> 00:19:50,221
The guys say they're
gonna relocate him.
447
00:19:50,297 --> 00:19:52,932
Put him
in his natural habitat,
you know.
448
00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:54,058
He's gonna be fine, Jordan.
449
00:19:54,134 --> 00:19:55,684
He'll be fine.
450
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:58,196
But guess what?
I got a surprise for you.
451
00:19:59,974 --> 00:20:01,106
Ta-da!
452
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,942
Wow, a rat!
453
00:20:03,018 --> 00:20:05,027
Ah, naw.
That's a show-biz rat.
454
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:06,654
That rat was
on Fear Factor.
455
00:20:06,730 --> 00:20:08,697
Wow, thanks, Uncle Bernie.
456
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:10,491
I don't know
if you can thank me
just yet,
457
00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:12,460
because I got
some rules, Jordan.
458
00:20:12,536 --> 00:20:17,539
Rule number one: that rat,
Jordan, stays inside this cage.
459
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:21,627
Rule number two: the cage
stays inside your room.
460
00:20:21,704 --> 00:20:23,003
I'm not playing with you.
461
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,922
And, finally,
rule number three,
462
00:20:24,999 --> 00:20:26,807
the most important rule...
463
00:20:30,212 --> 00:20:31,679
is to have
fun with it.
464
00:20:31,755 --> 00:20:33,806
Thanks, Uncle Bernie.
465
00:20:33,882 --> 00:20:35,557
♪ Rat, rat, rat, rat, rat ♪
466
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,643
♪ Rat, rat,rat, rat, rat ♪
467
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,196
(tapping feet)
♪ Rat, rat,rat, rat, rat... ♪
468
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,940
♪ Rat, rat,rat, rat, rat ♪
469
00:20:43,017 --> 00:20:44,575
Thank you, too, Jordan.
470
00:20:46,153 --> 00:20:50,030
See, America,
Bernie Mac can be fun.
471
00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:52,491
See, I realize
I have to ease up on the boy.
472
00:20:52,568 --> 00:20:55,244
You know, give him some slack.
You know, try to, um...
473
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:56,328
JORDAN:
Uncle Bernie!
Yeah?
474
00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:58,747
Have you seen Buster?
475
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:02,927
Jordan, I thought I told you
not to let that doggone rat
out of no cage?
476
00:21:03,004 --> 00:21:04,461
I told you not to!
477
00:21:04,538 --> 00:21:06,505
The only reason I got him
for you... You don't...
478
00:21:06,582 --> 00:21:09,133
you don't never do
what I tell you to do.
479
00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:11,894
Doggone it, that thing
running around here.
480
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:14,221
(screams)
I'm tellin' ya...!
481
00:21:14,298 --> 00:21:18,150
(blubbering and whimpering)
482
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:30,279
JORDAN: Uncle Bernie's
gonna teach us
to make barbecue!
483
00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:33,374
Teach me? Man, I wrote the book.
484
00:21:34,526 --> 00:21:37,661
Hey, Bernie,
you got some hot sauce?
485
00:21:37,672 --> 00:21:40,080
I can never get this thing down
without no hot sauce.
486
00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:41,674
What's wrong with you?
487
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:44,668
Get it out of here.
488
00:21:44,745 --> 00:21:46,295
I...
489
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:47,796
I would if I knew
what to say.
490
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:48,848
This is all wrong.
491
00:21:48,924 --> 00:21:50,933
(laughing)
492
00:21:57,549 --> 00:21:58,649
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36271
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