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1
00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,586
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:21,762
Oh!
3
00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,555
Hey, America.
4
00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:26,183
Bernie Mac is road-weary.
5
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,060
12 cities in 14 days.
6
00:00:28,136 --> 00:00:30,854
Long hours, different hotels
every night.
7
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,689
I am beat.
8
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:35,942
But one thing traveling does,
America, it makes you appreciate
9
00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:38,111
what's waiting for you
at home, believe me.
10
00:00:38,188 --> 00:00:39,571
JORDAN:
Uncle Bernie! You're back!
11
00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,089
We missed you.
12
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,699
Boy, I'm busy.
Don't come in here.
13
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,168
(whistling)
14
00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:48,130
Mmm.
15
00:00:49,625 --> 00:00:51,625
(contented sigh)
16
00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,218
Oh, boy.
17
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,232
Somebody's been in my seat.
18
00:01:18,895 --> 00:01:20,662
Them damn kids.
19
00:01:22,533 --> 00:01:23,907
Wanda!
Yeah?
20
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,659
You let those kids
go in my den?
21
00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:28,620
Wait, wait, wait, hold up.
I didn't let anybody
do anything.
22
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:32,582
You know what?
They were acting up all
while you were gone, okay?
23
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,377
I mean, I've had to deal with
constant fighting, back talk,
24
00:01:35,453 --> 00:01:36,970
and a small little fire
25
00:01:37,047 --> 00:01:39,172
Jordan may or may not
have started.
26
00:01:39,249 --> 00:01:41,967
Ooh, I am at the end
of my rope with that boy.
27
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,677
He is totally out of control.
28
00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:45,303
He's out
of control, huh?
29
00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:46,930
You give him the eye?
30
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,807
The eye doesn't
work anymore.
31
00:01:48,884 --> 00:01:50,133
He doesn't listen to me.
32
00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,601
Let me see the eye.
Let me see it.
33
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:55,021
I... Now you're not
listening to me.
34
00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:58,108
Well... All right, then,
35
00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,526
I'll deal with the boy
first thing in the morning.
36
00:01:59,603 --> 00:02:01,444
But right now I've
got to get me some sleep.
37
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:04,239
Wait. You sleeping
in the middle
of the day?
38
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,615
What am I supposed to do?
39
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,993
Wanda, baby,
what you always tell me?
40
00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:11,121
You said the people in your job,
they're just like children.
41
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,748
So use some of that work
tactics here at home.
42
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,000
You're the boss lady.
43
00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:16,918
Crack the whip. Pop it!
44
00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:17,803
(smacks with towel)
45
00:02:24,419 --> 00:02:27,470
Now you know you're not
supposed to watch TV
in your uncle's den.
46
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,347
This is why we gave you
the TV in here.
47
00:02:29,424 --> 00:02:30,891
I can never
get to it.
48
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:32,517
They're always
in here playing
49
00:02:32,594 --> 00:02:34,102
their stupid
video games.
Nuh-uh!
50
00:02:34,179 --> 00:02:35,645
Vanessa's always
kicking us out
51
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,105
to watch The O.C.
52
00:02:37,182 --> 00:02:38,815
As if!
53
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,525
Well, from now on,
54
00:02:40,602 --> 00:02:44,788
we have this schedule to
determine TV privileges.
55
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:48,450
Now, as you can see,
you all have equal
viewing time, okay?
56
00:02:48,526 --> 00:02:51,328
This is normalized
by your respective ages
57
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:53,622
to eliminate
all conflicts.
58
00:02:53,698 --> 00:02:54,998
Any questions?
59
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,125
Yes, one.
Are you serious?
60
00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:58,335
Very.
61
00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,712
Look here, Bryana.
It's your hour.
62
00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,005
Enjoy.
63
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,515
Ha-ha.
64
00:03:04,709 --> 00:03:06,468
(voices speaking
indistinctly on TV)
65
00:03:06,544 --> 00:03:09,262
MAN (on TV):
(singing indistinctly)
66
00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:11,014
KIDS (on TV):♪ Aye, aye Captain! ♪
67
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,399
Move.
68
00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:16,019
SINGER:♪ Let's tighten it up now ♪
69
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:20,232
♪ Do the tighten up,everybody can do it now ♪
70
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:23,818
♪ So get to it,we're gonna tighten up ♪
71
00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:27,239
♪ Let's do the tighten up,you can do it now ♪
72
00:03:27,315 --> 00:03:29,366
♪ So, baby, get to it ♪
73
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:32,535
♪ Look to your left nowlook to your right ♪
74
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:36,164
(smashing
and whooshing)
What is all that noise?
75
00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:37,883
(gasps)
76
00:03:39,911 --> 00:03:43,546
Jordan? What are you doing?
77
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:47,550
Uh... nothing, just trying
to teach myself golf.
78
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:52,231
You are ruining my club,
and my garden! Ooh!
79
00:03:52,307 --> 00:03:54,057
You're not going to tell
Uncle Bernie, are you?
80
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,508
Boy, you ain't
got to worry about
81
00:03:55,586 --> 00:03:57,394
Uncle Bernie,
you need to worry
about me.
82
00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,529
Now you replant all
of these flowers,
83
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,241
mister, until you learn
how to respect other
people's property.
84
00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:03,566
Do you understand?
85
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,819
So you're not going
to tell Uncle Bernie?
86
00:04:05,895 --> 00:04:09,990
No, he is sleeping
and you better not
disturb him.
87
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,992
Get to planting.
88
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,961
Oh, whatever you say.
89
00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,580
Phew.
90
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:19,716
(snoring)
91
00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:25,764
GIRL (on TV):Oh my God,that's wonderful.
92
00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:27,507
Which one?
93
00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:30,552
What channel did
you say it was on?
94
00:04:30,628 --> 00:04:32,095
(TV channel changes
to funky music)
95
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,522
Hey, I was watching that!
96
00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:36,016
You can have my hour later.
97
00:04:36,092 --> 00:04:38,184
Hmm, nice.
98
00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,195
Real nice.
99
00:04:40,272 --> 00:04:41,604
Give me that!
100
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:42,605
In a minute.
101
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,940
BERNIE:
Keep it down!
102
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,442
Don't let me
come out there!
103
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,901
(hushed)
I've got to go.
104
00:04:46,978 --> 00:04:48,445
Bye.
105
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,080
And your hour
is up anyway.
106
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,448
No, it's not.
107
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:52,741
Let's consult
the schedule.
108
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,376
I said, it's not.
109
00:04:58,782 --> 00:04:59,923
You are so dead!
110
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,300
(hits piano keys)
111
00:05:06,956 --> 00:05:08,765
(muffled grunting)
112
00:05:14,089 --> 00:05:15,513
WANDA:
Isn't that sweet?
113
00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:17,816
My system is working.
114
00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:24,522
♪ I've got the schedule ♪
115
00:05:24,599 --> 00:05:26,742
So?
Give me that!
116
00:05:26,818 --> 00:05:28,493
Come and get it.
117
00:05:30,438 --> 00:05:32,989
(loud thump)
118
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,666
(ominous music playing)
119
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:37,285
(both whimper)
120
00:05:37,362 --> 00:05:39,004
(loud crash)
121
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:44,718
You made those kids a schedule
and expect that to work?
122
00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:47,003
You just gave them something
else to fight about.
123
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,296
I didn't know
what else to do.
124
00:05:48,373 --> 00:05:49,964
They don't listen to me.
125
00:05:50,041 --> 00:05:53,134
Wanda, I told you, all you
have to do is stand firm,
126
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,344
stick to your guns.
127
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,979
That's all I do and it works.
128
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,856
That's because
they fear you.
129
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,609
They better!
Because if they don't,
130
00:06:00,685 --> 00:06:02,894
I get Big Mama's belt
and I...
131
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,063
(awkward music playing)
132
00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:10,193
America, if the problem is that
those kids don't fear Wanda,
133
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,113
then don't worry, they will.
134
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:15,707
I'll see to it myself.
135
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,625
Wanda.
Hmm?
136
00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,335
Here, baby,
this is for you.
137
00:06:27,412 --> 00:06:28,845
Ooh.
138
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,964
Isn't this Big
Mama's belt?
Mm-hmm.
139
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,516
My God, was
she a size 40?
140
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:36,094
No. It's not for wearing.
It's for scaring.
141
00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:38,346
Oh.
You understand that?
142
00:06:38,423 --> 00:06:40,849
You said the kids don't fear
you, now this is the key.
143
00:06:40,925 --> 00:06:43,810
I call this the weapon
of ass destruction.
144
00:06:43,887 --> 00:06:45,353
Uh, thanks, honey,
but you know what?
145
00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:48,156
The belt, that's
not my thing.
(belt snaps)
146
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:49,315
Oh.
147
00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:50,984
That right there is a snap.
148
00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:52,444
It's also called
a yellow threat level.
149
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,538
That's good
for domestic disturbance
150
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:58,032
and washing the dishes,
bedtime and pre-church.
151
00:06:58,109 --> 00:07:00,452
Now, if it escalates
to the orange threat level,
152
00:07:00,528 --> 00:07:03,121
that's when you've got to crack
the whip like this.
153
00:07:03,198 --> 00:07:05,498
(loud crack)
Yeah, now,
when they see that,
154
00:07:05,575 --> 00:07:07,834
they don't want to see
what else is going to
happen after that.
155
00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:10,003
Now if you crack
that whip like that,
156
00:07:10,079 --> 00:07:12,297
only thing,
you can't complete
a sentence.
157
00:07:12,373 --> 00:07:14,433
You've got to do things
like, "I done told you...!"
158
00:07:14,509 --> 00:07:17,177
(loud crack)
"Next time I tell you,
I'm gonna...!"
159
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,563
(yelling gibberish)
160
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:23,516
Wow, that's very impressive.
161
00:07:23,593 --> 00:07:26,936
Of course, when you do it,
you can add a little flare.
162
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,738
I like to stick my tongue out
like M.J.
163
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,323
(yelling)
164
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,608
(loud crack)
165
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,818
Wow. If that doesn't work,
166
00:07:33,895 --> 00:07:36,070
then what's the next
threat level?
167
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,697
Oh, the red threat level.
168
00:07:37,774 --> 00:07:39,240
You don't want to go there.
169
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:41,701
'Cause if you do, we'd
be on the 5:00 news.
170
00:07:41,778 --> 00:07:43,920
(sighs)
Now, here you go.
171
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,705
And remember.
172
00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,466
(roars)
173
00:07:51,621 --> 00:07:54,931
Oh, boy. Mmm.
174
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,809
Okay, Noah, the Neighbor?
175
00:07:59,629 --> 00:08:00,803
Hoppity Rabbit?
176
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,731
Jimmy's Cluck Cluck?
177
00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:05,975
What happened to the fight?
178
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:07,736
What happened to my Bears?
179
00:08:09,138 --> 00:08:10,730
I can't have nothing!
180
00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,824
(sickly beeps)
181
00:08:15,812 --> 00:08:17,245
They broke it.
182
00:08:20,775 --> 00:08:23,910
I'm so glad you came
at the last moment, Alex.
I don't know what to do.
183
00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:25,629
Now, I've got to be able
to tape my shows.
184
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:28,915
Because my den
is my sanctuary.
This is my holy place.
185
00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,458
Really?
Mm-hmm.
186
00:08:30,535 --> 00:08:32,210
Even with the pour acoustics,
the bad lighting
187
00:08:32,287 --> 00:08:35,588
and the less than
optimal viewing angle?
188
00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:36,973
I need a new den?
189
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,433
No, Bernie, you don't need
another den.
190
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:40,176
It's just that this one
is not conducive
191
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,479
to the ultimate home theater
experience.
192
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,599
How can I be conducive,
then, Alex?
193
00:08:46,676 --> 00:08:48,652
Damn it, I want to know.
194
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,320
You really want to know?
195
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:56,442
Jordan?
196
00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:59,445
Jordan, I thought
I told you to plant
the flowers.
197
00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:02,907
Yeah, but since it's
Mr. Cardena's job anyway,
198
00:09:02,984 --> 00:09:05,076
I figured--
Huh?
199
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:07,954
What? When did you?
But you never...
200
00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:10,748
I said get to planting now.
201
00:09:10,825 --> 00:09:11,958
(loud crack)
202
00:09:12,035 --> 00:09:14,177
Yes, ma'am.
203
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,674
Imagine this.
Mm hmm?
204
00:09:19,751 --> 00:09:23,261
We put a 70-inch flat plasma
screen right here.
205
00:09:23,338 --> 00:09:27,098
Oh, that's nice,
I mean real nice.
206
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:28,984
Oh, it gets nicer, brother.
207
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:30,068
We've added not five...
208
00:09:30,145 --> 00:09:31,644
Uh-uh.
Not six...
209
00:09:31,721 --> 00:09:32,812
Uh-uh, seven?
210
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:36,983
7.1 surround sounds, man.
211
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:39,193
Ooh, filthy.
212
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:40,903
I need that right now.
213
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:44,365
WANDA:
Bernie, honey, what are
you doing in there?
214
00:09:44,442 --> 00:09:46,159
Nothing, I'm just
chill-axing with Alex.
215
00:09:46,235 --> 00:09:48,119
-Oh, hello.
-(Alex clears throat)
216
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:49,495
Look, look, baby.
217
00:09:49,572 --> 00:09:51,164
I know we
didn't discuss it,
218
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,498
but I'm getting
a new television
up in here.
219
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,125
Nothing big,
nothing fancy.
220
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:55,793
Well, honey,
I just came in here
221
00:09:55,870 --> 00:09:58,004
to tell you
that the belt works.
Jordan's listening.
222
00:09:58,081 --> 00:09:59,389
Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
223
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,683
Sweetheart, you
mean to tell me
224
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,260
you don't mind me
getting a new TV in here?
225
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,721
With a DVD server
and a new recliner chair
226
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,306
to sit right here?
227
00:10:08,383 --> 00:10:11,684
And a new wall, right,
right, right...?
228
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:12,944
Bernie?
229
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:19,317
You're kidding,
aren't you?
You want to find out?
230
00:10:19,394 --> 00:10:20,943
No, now, Wanda.
Come on now.
231
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:22,537
Alex.
232
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,115
You didn't see
nothing, did you?
233
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,200
No.
234
00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:28,668
Just standing here.
235
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:34,007
(Dazz Band:
"Let it whip" playing)
236
00:10:34,084 --> 00:10:35,458
(belt snapping)
237
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:37,210
♪ Want to see you with it ♪
238
00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:38,961
♪ Sho' couldtreat you right ♪
239
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:42,632
♪ Give me just a minuteof your time tonight ♪
240
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,843
♪ We both are hereto have the fun ♪
241
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,638
♪ So let it whip ♪
242
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:49,931
(belt cracks)
243
00:10:50,007 --> 00:10:51,307
♪ We'll get into groovin' ♪
244
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,184
♪ Love your body language ♪
245
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:55,070
♪ Baby, let me know ♪
246
00:10:55,146 --> 00:10:57,563
♪ You've got mesort of anxious ♪
247
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,191
♪ We both are hereto have the fun ♪
248
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:03,036
(belt snaps)
♪ So let it whip ♪
249
00:11:03,113 --> 00:11:05,405
-♪ So let it whip ♪-♪ Let's whip it baby ♪
250
00:11:05,481 --> 00:11:07,448
-♪ Child ♪-♪ Let's whip it right ♪
251
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,908
-♪ Let it whip ♪-♪ Let's whip it baby ♪
252
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,202
♪ Work it all night ♪
253
00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:12,787
(belt cracks)
♪ What's your trip? ♪
254
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:15,164
-♪ Oh no ♪-♪ Child ♪
255
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:16,841
(approaching footsteps)
256
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,630
(scoffs) She is never
without that belt.
257
00:11:22,707 --> 00:11:25,049
You know, I never thought
I'd actually say this,
258
00:11:25,126 --> 00:11:26,810
but she's worse
than Bigfoot.
259
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:29,929
I know. She's always
whipping it out
and cracking it.
260
00:11:30,006 --> 00:11:32,390
Has she actually ever
hit you guys with it?
261
00:11:32,467 --> 00:11:33,975
Maybe she's bluffing.
262
00:11:34,051 --> 00:11:36,561
Well, I don't want to
be the one to find out.
263
00:11:36,637 --> 00:11:38,938
I want to go to
college in a year.
264
00:11:39,015 --> 00:11:43,535
If Uncle Bernie's
never hit us,
there's no way she will.
265
00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:53,786
Jordan, you know your
book bag doesn't go there.
266
00:11:53,863 --> 00:11:54,787
Pick it up.
267
00:11:54,864 --> 00:11:56,497
I'll pick it up later.
268
00:11:56,574 --> 00:11:58,883
(dramatic music playing)
269
00:12:10,505 --> 00:12:12,021
WANDA:
Did you hear
what I said?
270
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,223
I said pick up
that book bag now.
271
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,017
And I said
I'll get it later.
272
00:12:16,093 --> 00:12:17,935
Don't you walk
away from me!
273
00:12:18,012 --> 00:12:19,988
I said pick up that book bag
now, or I swear I'm gonna--
274
00:12:20,064 --> 00:12:21,072
Or you're gonna what?
275
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,743
(screams)
276
00:12:24,819 --> 00:12:25,985
(grunts)
277
00:12:26,062 --> 00:12:30,615
(Jordan screams)
278
00:12:30,691 --> 00:12:34,002
Wow, man, that sounds
so doggone real!
279
00:12:34,078 --> 00:12:36,621
It's like it's coming
from all around here!
(chuckles)
280
00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:38,498
It's not turned on yet.
281
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,592
I think that was
one of your kids.
282
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,386
Wait.
283
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,088
BERNIE:
Wanda, what was
you thinking?
284
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,882
You're not supposed
to hit the boy in the head.
285
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:50,185
I didn't hit him in the head.
He ran into the wall.
286
00:12:50,261 --> 00:12:51,895
Ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow.
I'm sorry.
287
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:53,971
Jordan, it's not that bad.
Son, let me see it.
288
00:12:54,048 --> 00:12:55,848
It's not that bad.
289
00:12:55,925 --> 00:12:58,351
Sweet Lord, the white meat's
showing. We're going to jail.
290
00:12:58,427 --> 00:13:00,695
Oh, we better go
to the ER.
(screams)
291
00:13:00,772 --> 00:13:03,439
America, all this time
y'all were scared
292
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,575
I was going to be the one
to beat one of those kids,
293
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,693
but it was Wanda
who snapped first.
294
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,120
(cackles)
295
00:13:11,908 --> 00:13:13,658
Mmm!
296
00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,368
Well, I guess it was
kind of my fault
297
00:13:15,444 --> 00:13:18,412
for giving her
too much power too soon.
298
00:13:18,489 --> 00:13:21,257
Almost gave that boy
a concussion.
299
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,126
I know that hurt her hard.
300
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:25,503
Wow. She...
301
00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:27,806
America, she may never
be the same.
302
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:32,176
(Chuckles)
Boy, I wish I could have
been there to see it...
303
00:13:32,253 --> 00:13:33,344
Pow!
304
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:34,804
Ow!
305
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:37,265
(wheezing laugh)
306
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,567
Love it. I love it.
307
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:42,153
(chuckling)
308
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,819
See? It wasn't as bad
as you thought.
309
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:51,571
You didn't even get stitches.
310
00:13:51,647 --> 00:13:54,574
Yep, I think the wall got
the worst end of that stick.
311
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,242
You know what?
Why don't we get the girls
312
00:13:56,319 --> 00:13:58,244
and we'll all go
to Royal Burger, huh?
313
00:13:58,255 --> 00:13:59,704
You guys go ahead.
314
00:13:59,780 --> 00:14:01,256
I'm just gonna stay here.
315
00:14:06,829 --> 00:14:09,338
I think I traumatized Jordan.
316
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,923
Baby, that boy's spent
317
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,925
the first six years of
his life in a crack house.
318
00:14:13,002 --> 00:14:14,677
I think he can handle it.
319
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,470
No, I mean...
320
00:14:16,547 --> 00:14:19,181
I mean he won't even
look at me since
we've been home.
321
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:20,933
I mean, he's not even
talking to me.
322
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:23,102
I don't know what to do.
323
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:24,437
Enjoy it.
324
00:14:24,513 --> 00:14:26,013
What?
325
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:30,276
Baby, the example you
made out of that boy,
326
00:14:30,353 --> 00:14:33,496
the other kids are never--
I mean never, ever--
327
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,248
cross you again,
you hear me?
328
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:40,169
I want them to listen
to me, not hate me.
329
00:14:43,407 --> 00:14:46,959
Oh, Wanda, Wanda, baby...
330
00:14:47,036 --> 00:14:48,553
Them kids don't hate you.
331
00:14:49,664 --> 00:14:51,306
It was an accident.
332
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,008
Now you want to see hate?
333
00:14:54,085 --> 00:14:55,468
Look in the eyes
of that oldest child
334
00:14:55,544 --> 00:14:56,469
when she look at me.
335
00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:57,970
Now that's hate.
336
00:14:58,047 --> 00:14:59,972
Look, I'm going
to wash my face.
337
00:15:00,049 --> 00:15:02,391
I'm going to come back
and rub your feet, okay?
338
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,226
Come on, let's have
a good time tonight.
339
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:06,237
Hmm...
Come on.
340
00:15:07,723 --> 00:15:09,190
It's not what I want.
341
00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:11,492
I don't want them to hate me.
342
00:15:12,853 --> 00:15:15,279
Okay...
343
00:15:15,356 --> 00:15:16,989
here you go.
344
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:20,701
Actually, I kind of wanted
a root beer float.
345
00:15:20,778 --> 00:15:22,921
Oh, okay, absolutely.
346
00:15:24,707 --> 00:15:26,441
(humming)
347
00:15:29,286 --> 00:15:33,598
Here you go, with the bendable
straw, just like you like it.
348
00:15:33,675 --> 00:15:35,424
Now, it's going to
take me 20 minutes
349
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,477
to get your Nutter Butters.
Are you gonna be okay?
350
00:15:38,796 --> 00:15:40,313
Okay, good.
351
00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:46,435
Wow. That thing
must really hurt.
352
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:47,979
(door closes)
353
00:15:48,055 --> 00:15:51,199
No, not at all.
But she doesn't know that.
354
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,651
You...
355
00:15:53,728 --> 00:15:56,362
(battle music playing on TV)
356
00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:59,073
Hey, Jordan, you
enjoying your own TV?
357
00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:00,783
Shh, I'm about to crack
level nine.
358
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,869
Oh, sorry.
Wow, that looks real.
359
00:16:03,946 --> 00:16:06,205
Ooh. (laughs)
360
00:16:06,282 --> 00:16:08,374
Oh, you know,
when you're finished,
361
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,960
you think maybe you could pick
up some of these clothes?
362
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,462
I tried, but bending down
makes me dizzy.
363
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:16,090
Sweetie, I know you're injured,
but how hard could it be?
364
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:18,217
Please, don't hit me.
Please, don't hit me.
365
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,395
Honey, I'm sorry.
I never...
366
00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:23,564
I mean, I'm s...
I never...
367
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,943
I'm sorry.
368
00:16:28,637 --> 00:16:30,029
I'm sorry.
369
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,495
(battle music resumes)
370
00:16:40,524 --> 00:16:42,583
(humming softly)
371
00:16:46,989 --> 00:16:48,589
(Wanda sighs)
372
00:17:05,299 --> 00:17:06,941
Okay.
373
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,810
(dramatic music playing)
374
00:17:09,887 --> 00:17:11,562
Oh!
375
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:14,356
Ooh...
376
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,451
Mmm!
377
00:17:16,527 --> 00:17:19,403
Oh, yeah.
378
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:20,988
Look at that.
379
00:17:21,065 --> 00:17:22,698
(Chuckles)
380
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,492
Hmm...
381
00:17:24,568 --> 00:17:26,669
That's nice.
Real nice.
382
00:17:30,866 --> 00:17:33,134
Doggone, I forgot my drink.
383
00:17:34,578 --> 00:17:37,922
MAN #1 (on TV):And we're enteringat 5.27 degrees.
384
00:17:37,998 --> 00:17:40,508
MAN #2 (on TV):5.27 degrees, upfront.
385
00:17:40,584 --> 00:17:42,468
MAN #1 (on TV):T minus 5 to engage.
386
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,187
MAN #2 (on TV):Disengaging tractor beam now.
387
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,680
I feel like an astronaut.
388
00:17:46,757 --> 00:17:49,141
MAN #2 (on TV):Captain, we're experiencinga gravitational pull?
389
00:17:49,218 --> 00:17:51,393
WOMAN (on TV):Asteroids approaching, captain.
390
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,196
MAN #2 (on TV):You need to getout of there now.
391
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,940
WOMAN (on TV):Vector right, vector right.
392
00:17:56,016 --> 00:17:57,817
MAN #2 (on TV):Negative, negative,
393
00:17:57,893 --> 00:17:59,443
the gravitational pullis too strong...
394
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:03,489
That's the only thing working
is this right leg.
395
00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:07,502
Wanda? Wanda?
396
00:18:09,738 --> 00:18:12,706
(gasps) Whoa.
397
00:18:12,783 --> 00:18:15,459
Who did all this?
398
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,095
Um, I did.
399
00:18:17,171 --> 00:18:19,588
I felt bad
for ruining your flowers,
400
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:20,840
and I saw you crying.
401
00:18:20,916 --> 00:18:25,052
(sighs)
Jordan, come here.
402
00:18:25,129 --> 00:18:27,471
You didn't make me cry. I...
403
00:18:27,548 --> 00:18:30,224
I was upset because
you were so afraid of me,
404
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,059
and I never wanted that.
405
00:18:32,136 --> 00:18:35,354
Maybe I wasn't
really afraid
406
00:18:35,431 --> 00:18:37,690
and I only said all those
things about my head hurting
407
00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,150
to make you feel guilty.
408
00:18:39,226 --> 00:18:42,036
What?
I-I'm afraid
of you now.
409
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:45,489
(chuckles, clears throat)
410
00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:47,250
You know,
I'm going to do something
411
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:49,335
that I should have done
in the first place.
412
00:18:51,947 --> 00:18:53,539
So you want to learn
how to play golf?
413
00:18:53,616 --> 00:18:55,675
I'm gonna show you how to do it
the right way, all right?
414
00:18:55,751 --> 00:18:57,418
You take this,
you grip this.
415
00:18:57,494 --> 00:18:59,303
Take it up,
and you want to swing
416
00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:01,088
as hard as you can,
all right?
417
00:19:01,165 --> 00:19:03,641
I'm gonna count to three.
And focus.
418
00:19:05,002 --> 00:19:05,926
(sighs)
419
00:19:06,003 --> 00:19:07,553
Three.
420
00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:08,721
Whoo!
421
00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:10,055
Now for my favorite sports show.
422
00:19:10,132 --> 00:19:11,557
MAN (on TV):The Sports Den--
423
00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:12,525
(glass shatters)
424
00:19:12,602 --> 00:19:13,934
What'd I do?
425
00:19:14,011 --> 00:19:17,313
(gibberish voices on TV)
426
00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:18,406
What?
427
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:21,159
(electrical hiss)
428
00:19:22,019 --> 00:19:23,527
BERNIE:
Who did it?!
429
00:19:23,604 --> 00:19:25,496
Uh-oh. Lesson over.
430
00:19:35,950 --> 00:19:37,082
Ow! Hey, Uncle Bernie.
431
00:19:37,159 --> 00:19:38,500
Shut up.
Stay right there.
432
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:40,636
You two, come on
out here right now.
433
00:19:43,207 --> 00:19:44,757
Come on,
chop, chop.
434
00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,634
-Who did it?
-Did what?
435
00:19:46,710 --> 00:19:48,219
Yeah, who did what?
436
00:19:48,295 --> 00:19:49,770
Oh, you're gonna
dummy up on me, huh?
437
00:19:49,847 --> 00:19:51,731
I got something refresh
your memory. Hey, Wanda!
438
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:53,357
Yeah?
Come here, baby.
439
00:19:54,343 --> 00:19:55,693
We did it, Uncle Bernie.
440
00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:57,519
Please don't let Aunt Wanda
bust our heads.
441
00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,438
VANESSA:
It was an accident.
442
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,274
See, we wanted to play
video games on your new TV,
443
00:20:02,351 --> 00:20:04,693
but then we couldn't
figure out how
to make it work,
444
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,612
so...
445
00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:09,114
Here.
What?
446
00:20:09,191 --> 00:20:11,951
We couldn't get
that piece back in.
I'm not talking about this.
447
00:20:12,027 --> 00:20:16,330
I'm talking about who smashed
my new television with this?
448
00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:19,458
Come on, now.
Who did it?
Come on!
449
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,168
Uncle Bernie, we have
something to tell you.
450
00:20:21,245 --> 00:20:23,337
-Uh, Jordan did it.
-Hold this for me.
451
00:20:23,414 --> 00:20:26,966
He stole my clubs,
and he smashed your TV.
452
00:20:27,042 --> 00:20:28,476
What?
453
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:31,637
That'll teach you.
When I tell you to get
454
00:20:31,714 --> 00:20:34,357
your book bag off the floor,
you listen to me.
455
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,809
I'm more afraid of you
now than I ever was.
456
00:20:36,885 --> 00:20:37,977
WANDA:
Well...
457
00:20:38,053 --> 00:20:41,739
I guess I won't
be needing this.
458
00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:44,066
I will.
WANDA:
Okay.
459
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,534
Uh... okay.
460
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:46,869
Code Red, boy.
461
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:48,654
Code Red.
(screams)
462
00:20:48,731 --> 00:20:49,905
Move, move, Baby Girl.
463
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,249
And don't think
you're running.
464
00:20:51,325 --> 00:20:52,700
Don't think
you're running!
465
00:20:52,776 --> 00:20:53,867
Now, you two...
466
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:54,743
(music playing)
467
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:55,828
(belt snaps)
468
00:20:55,904 --> 00:20:57,413
That's right, America!
469
00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:59,415
I'm taking the power
of the belt back.
470
00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:01,458
Should've never given it up
in the first place.
471
00:21:01,535 --> 00:21:04,003
I just hope I haven't gotten
rusty in my technique
472
00:21:04,079 --> 00:21:06,171
while I was away, you know.
473
00:21:06,248 --> 00:21:09,675
(mutters)
474
00:21:09,752 --> 00:21:11,343
(grunting)
475
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:13,012
Yeah, that's where
I be hitting him.
476
00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:14,847
All back here,
while he be trying to run.
477
00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:17,358
(moans softly)
478
00:21:23,599 --> 00:21:25,357
(yelling gibberish)
479
00:21:25,434 --> 00:21:26,400
(grunting)
480
00:21:26,477 --> 00:21:27,535
(yells)
481
00:21:29,646 --> 00:21:31,530
Here.
482
00:21:31,607 --> 00:21:35,418
(grunting)
483
00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:37,244
WANDA:
Oh, that's talent.
484
00:21:37,321 --> 00:21:39,213
(belt snaps)
485
00:21:42,293 --> 00:21:43,509
(belt snaps)
486
00:21:46,622 --> 00:21:48,222
(belt snaps)
487
00:21:56,590 --> 00:21:57,523
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