Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

Oh. Oh, hey, America.

I ain't got nothin' to talk about.

Nothing but waiting on Vanessa

to come back with my damn truck!

Girl know I was supposed to get my manicure!

My nails got longer just in the time

I've been waiting for her!

(dialing)

VANESSA (on phone): Hello.

Nessa, you know you better--

Got ya. At the beep, leave a message.

(beep)

Do I, do I need this?

(vehicle approaching)

Oh, yeah. (chuckles) (tires screech)

America, it's on.

Oh... uh...

Well, I know I'm late, but the traffic was... You see these?

My cuticles will be getting pushed back

right now at Mama Kim's.

You know, I'm tired of this, Nessa.

You do this every doggone time!

Well, it wouldn't happen if you'd just go on

and get me my own car. A car for what?

What you need a car-- Where do you think you gonna be going

that you need a car?

I don't know. Study groups.

Study groups? If you can't study here, Nessa,

I guess you're just going to have to flunk,

'cause there ain't no way I'm buying you no doggone car!

Ain't no way in hell I'm buying...

You know, every time I got somewhere to go, Nessa...

I'm tired of this, man!

(door shuts)

America, I hope y'all know

this isn't about a car.

No, suh.

It's about where a car would take her.

To boys!

She's hollerin' about, "You don't trust me.

You don't trust me." Oh, I trust her.

I don't trust them. America.

JORDAN: Comic-Con's coming?

I hear it rocks.

We totally have to go to this.

(scoffs) Who's going to take us?

Maybe we can ride our bikes there.

You doofus, there's no sidewalk to San Diego.

If only we had parents cool enough to take us.

I'm cool. What's the problem, fellas?

We're trying to figure out a way to get to Comic-Con.

(low voice) "Do or do not. There is no 'try'."

Yoda, Star Wars: Episode V.

And so apropos.

You guys want to ask me something?

Will you take us to Comic-Con?

-Sure. -JORDAN: Wow!

Thanks, Aunt Wanda! Oh, wait.

Here comes the disappointment.

No, it means there's not much time

to get you guys new costumes.

JORDAN: Oh, come on. I got the catalog in my room.

I wish your mom was as cool as your aunt.

I hope she takes us in the Beamer.

And drops the top.

Hey, Miss Thang. What you beamin' about?

Oh, nothing.

Just that Jordan and his friends think I'm cool.

Oh. So you got the nerd seal of approval, huh?

Don't hate, they're kids.

Now, see, America?

Wanda's a grown woman,

but there's still something in her

that needs approval from boys.

Only she's grown.

Can't tell her nothing, though.

But Nessa...

damn.

Can't tell her nothing, neither.

(vehicle approaches)

What the hell?

Come on. Come on, baby.

(engine chugging loudly)

(engine backfires)

Who lent you this bucket?

Oh, I didn't borrow it. I bought it.

You bought it? You mean to tell me you bought this

after I stood right here and told you you couldn't have no car?

Actually, you said you weren't going to buy me one.

You never said I couldn't buy my own.

Don't try to twist my words around, Nessa!

You went behind my back! Baby, she went behind my back.

It's ugly.

Uh, where'd you get the money? I used my savings bond.

Wait a minute. You spent a thousand dollars on this?

Well, actually, it was $850 and then that left me $150 to get a new muffler.

It runs a lot quieter now.

So let's turn some corners.

Oopsy.

(engine splutters sickly)

Back up.

You right, Nessa. It's quiet.

I mean, real quiet.

You got took.

What am I going to do?

Well, I tell you the first thing you're going to do.

You're goin' to get this hunk of junk out our driveway.

That's what you're going to do. Come on, baby.

Get out and help your sister push.

Baby Girl, let's go.

Babe, you know I told her she couldn't have no car.

Did you scratch my paint?

It's hard to tell.

(sighs)

(birds tweeting)

Hey!

Nessa, I thought I told you

to move that car weeks ago.

But I been trying to raise the money.

I baby-sat every night this week.

You tell your story walkin', and I do mean walkin'.

Because if that car's not gone by Monday morning,

if you don't move it, I will.

(scoffs)

America, the Mac man

come too doggone far and worked too hard

to have my house looking all ghetto.

It's bad enough I got all these kids

running in and out of here,

but this... shoot.

Damn car look homeless.

Oil leaking all over my driveway,

big ol' rust spots.

Nessa.

(sighs)

(engine splutters)

Uh-uh! You're too late.

I got a tow truck here right now.

This way, my man.

Hurry up.

Just back it on up here.

There we go.

Hurry it up. Right this way.

And dig this here.

Don't you worry about paying me back.

It's on the house.

Come on, baby.

(engine starts)

Hey!

Yeah, hey. How you do that?

You don't know nothing about no cars.

What the hell? Who are you, man?

Oh, I'm... VANESSA: Oh, that's Curtis.

He's in my math class.

And he knows everything about cars.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Mac.

You, you fixed this, man? Yeah.

Good. Now clean yourself up and get steppin'.

Actually, there's a whole lot more I can do to it. Like what?

Like put in a new sound system,

put some Daytons on it.

She could use a good buffin', too.

What? What I'm saying is, I can pimp this ride.

Yeah. Pimp it. Pimp it out!

Mm-hmm. See, this is the trouble with girls and cars, America.

Her car don't even run and there's a boy

sniffin' all around, talking about pimping her ride.

I let that go, next thing you know, America,

he think he can pimp her.

Oh, hell, no! It ain't goings on.

It ain't gwines. Hell, no.

(chuckling smugly)

Yeah...

That should be enough.

WOMAN: Can you grab that sponge?

BOY: Got it.

GIRL: You can always refill it, you guys.

BOY: Thank you.

GIRL: We'll have some water out.

Hold on. Hold on, Nessa.

I'll be out in a minute.

There's a hose on the side of the house. BOY: Got it!

I moved my car out to the street, so your precious driveway is free, okay?

Wait. What's up with your pit crew?

What you promise them boys? Nothing.

They boys. They ain't doing all that work for nothing.

They're my friends and they like cars.

Once again: they boys.

And I won't tell you what they do like. Believe what you want.

They ain't doing it out the goodness of their heart, Nessa.

They boys, I keep tellin' ya.

They boys. They ain't got no goodness in their heart.

(door slams) Nessa! (frustrated shriek)

Don't come up in here pregnant.

Lord, don't come up in here pregnant.

I show you better than I can tell you.

You, you're not. Huh.

Huh. Sit that baby in a basket in front of somebody

and go ding-dong-- "Baby!" Watch.

I can't wait till Comic-Con.

It's going to be so cool.

I'm going to get Wolverine's autograph

I'm going to get Lara Croft's.

Like she's even going to be there?

Hello? "Scheduled to appear."

That's what it said last year,

and you wound up with Dora The Explorer.

Whatever. I just know that we're going to Comic-Con

and nothing could be sweeter than that.

(girls laughing)

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Hey now you're gorgeous and you're beautiful ♪

♪ You're really really hot ♪

♪ You're hot hot shaking what you got ♪

♪ Baby doll ♪

♪ Baby doll's a cooking ♪

♪ Always got the boys looking ♪

♪ Hot hot sweet sweet hot hot sweet ♪

♪ Hey now you're gorgeous and you're beautiful ♪

♪ You're really really hot ♪

♪ You're hot hot shaking what you got ♪

♪ Oh baby doll ♪

♪ Your baby always here ♪

♪ Really looking fine ♪

♪ Baby doll ♪

♪ Your baby doll is here ♪

♪ Someday you'll be all mine ♪

♪ Yeah hot hot sweet sweet baby doll is fine ♪

♪ Hot hot sweet sweet baby doll is fine ♪

♪ Hot hot sweet sweet baby doll is fine ♪

♪ Hot hot sweet sweet baby ♪

MAN (on radio): The heat, woof-woof! See The Black Eyed Peas live

at the Griffith Hills amphitheater this Friday.

Just be my 100th caller on this station that gives it up,

the heat!

Oh, we are so lame.

Yeah, we're lame squared.

I'm talking about four equal sides joined at right angles.

Actually, squared to the first to raise the second power,

not the quadrilateral.

Guys, guys, guys, we're getting off on a tangent.

And by tangent, I don't mean the single point

where a line intersects a circle.

Hey, hey, the point I was trying to make

is, we should be going to The Black Eyed Peas,

and we should be going with girls.

Ah, I bet if we can get tickets,

we could get Erica from gym class to go with us.

She is so hot.

What about her friends? They're cute.

And they can climb the rope.

I wonder if there'll be a rope at the concert.

Where can we even buy the tickets?

JORDAN: On the Internet, dummy.

Should we go for it?

Who's going to drive us?

I could get my Aunt Wanda to drive us.

Jordan, your Aunt's cool, but she's not that cool.

That's why she won't even know she's taking us.

So I'll pick you up in an hour?

-GIRL (on phone): Sounds cool! -All right, then.

You going somewhere, Nessa?

Uh, just to the beach with some friends.

That Curtis boy going?

A bunch of us are going in two cars.

That's not what I asked you, Nessa.

Is that Curtis boy going?

Yes. (disgusted chuckle)

What? I told you he's just a friend. Well, he won't mind you

calling it off, then, huh?

Aunt Wanda,

he's not letting me go to the beach now.

I'll talk to him.

You look cute.

Baby, you better talk to her. Especially when she comes home pregnant.

I'm not taking care of no more babies. You'd best believe that.

Come on, we done been through this before.

Hasn't she proven herself to be responsible?

When are you going to start trusting her?

I trust her, Wanda.

It's those damn boys I don't trust.

Okay.

You know what, America?

Maybe I will trust her, but not blindly.

I'm going to do like the CIA--

trust... but verify.

Now, Baby Girl, don't forget,

I want to know everything this Curtis boys says and does, you got me?

I thought you wanted me to spy on Vanessa. Shh.

I want you to spy on both of them, okay?

But we're going to keep it on the D.L. Huh?

The down low. Got it.

Okay.

(clearing throat)

Ah, Nessa, don't you look great.

On your way to the beach, huh?

Don't forget your SPF.

And your baby sister. What?

Yeah, she could use a tan. No way.

I can't believe you're turning this into a baby-sitting job.

You want to go to the beach, or don't you?

Hurry up and get your stuff. I'll be outside.

Hold on, hold on.

Take this with you.

Don't forget... you're my eyes.

(door closes)

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Here.

50 bucks?

(door closes)

So you are coming with us to The Black Eyed Peas' show tonight, right?

There's no way that Big Foot's going to let me out for that.

And I have to study for my SAT's tonight.

Oh, no.

I got a ticket.

And where am I supposed to get $20 from?

Right here.

No problem. Thanks.

Were they alone at any time? Were they holding hands?

Talk to me girl. Spit it out.

Were they kissing? Holding hands? No. No.

Making googly eyes at each other?

They were wearing sunglasses.

Wow. That boy's good.

Ah, America, that boy think he's smooth.

"Oh, I'll fix your car, Vanessa."

Yeah, but he's gonna trip up.

And when he does, America, I'll fix him.

Okay, boys, now don't tell your parents

we went to Royal Burgers two days in a row.

They may not think that's cool.

I am so lucky to have you for an aunt, Aunt Wanda.

Come on, guys. I've got the batteries for the lightsabers in my room.

All right, fellas.

See, honey? When you trust your kids, you get friends.

No, baby, when you trust your kids,

you get grandkids.

Uh, hello, Erika?

This is Jordan.

Jordan Tompkins.

I'm in your social studies class.

Yeah, that's me,

but I don't really like that name.

So, um... how'd you like to go see The Black Eyed Peas?

(doorbell rings)

Sweet costume.

(echoing breaths)

It's even got the respiratory compressor.

JORDAN: No, actually, I just can't breathe in here.

Okay, all righty.

(sighs) Ha...

Whoa. (lightsaber hums)

Out.

Go on. You look good.

That little... toy.

(Star Wars-esque music playing on car radio)

WANDA: Uh, tell me again why we have to stop at Arnold's house?

JORDAN: He forgot his Chewbacca bowcaster. We'll be right back.

Uh, does it take all three of you guys to get Arnold's bowcaster?

Um, yes, because our star system,

it's customary to do everything in threes.

We don't make the rules.

Yeah, okay, well, hurry up.

Come on, make it quick.

(sighs)

Ha.

(humming tune)

Ooh, my God, that was quick.

Arnold did you get your bowcaster?

What's the matter?

You're awfully quiet.

Did the Force get your tongue?

(chuckles) That's a joke.

Okay, great. Come on, let's go.

Come on, Jordan, you've been in this car several times.

Put that up.

Tell me again why I should care about the area of a triangle?

Sounds like we should take a five.

DJ (on radio): And if you're on your way to the Free-For-All tonight,

here's a taste of what we'll be serving up.

Oh, that's my song!

♪ Yeah ♪

WOMAN (on TV): The Prairie voles are found

in the Southwest of the United States...

(phone ringing)

Hello. That's gangsta.

(song continues, over phone)

VANESSA: Hello?

Hello?

♪ Hot hot sweet sweet hot hot sweet ♪

♪ Hey now you're gorgeous ♪

Studying my...

(song continues over phone) You hear that, America?

Does that sound like studying to you?

Doggone girl show up at some doggone party.

"Uncle Bernie, I need to go to Donna's to crack the books."

I'll crack a book upside her head.

Y'all just... Wait... (call ends)

(unhappy laugh)

(sighs)

America, y'all pray for me.

Baby Girl...

The whole time y'all's at the beach, they talk about any party?

-Nope. -You sure?

Yes. They were too busy talking about the concert.

What concert? Talk to me.

Well, Curtis said they should all go to The Black Eyed Peas' concert.

That's when Vanessa got her ticket.

It was really expensive.

She told me not to tell you.

A ticket?

Where'd she get the money from?

Curtis paid.

See, America, that's what happens

when your pants sag below your butt.

Sooner or later you trip up.

Take my niece to a concert, will ya?

Okay, I'm going to go down there,

and when I see him...

You know what I got to do.

(Star Trek music playing)

(scanner bleeps)

Hey.

(scanner bleeps)

(indistinct chatter)

Aren't you glad you didn't come as Iron Man, Arnold?

Where do you think you're going?

(gasps) You're not Arnold.

Who are you?

We're not the droids you're looking for.

Now, listen--

what did you do with my nephew?

And I don't want any science fiction.

(dejected growl)

Speak.

(distant bass beating)

Oh, Erika, hey. Hey.

Well, here we are.

Hold up. Show us the tickets.

What, you don't trust us?

Told you. I'm out.

I knew he was a buster.

No, no, no, wait, wait,

here they are, here they are.

I think this is going really well.

Yeah, it'd go even better

if you'd lose the utility belt.

Where Nessa at, man? She said she had to study, sir.

Look here, boy, come clean. I'm not playing with you. Where my baby at?

I'm telling you she had to study. Hey, Jordan.

Boy, if I have... (phone ringing)

Hold on a minute. You hold on, hold on.

Hello.

WANDA (on phone): Bernie, honey, listen. Jordan is gone.

He snuck off to some concert.

What?

(chuckles)

This way.

Hey, Uncle Bernie.

I would tell you how much trouble you're in,

but that'd only make me madder. You little geeks.

Uncle Bernie... Shut up! Don't you talk!

Uncle Bernie, watch out!

Hey, man, what are you doing?

Yeah, watch where you're going!

Pull your pants up and maybe you could walk.

-What'd you say, old man? -Old man? I got your old man.

Old man?

Whoa, man! Whoa, whoa!

Hey, man. Whoa, man.

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

Hey, I'm a Christian. Come on now.

Come on. Whoa! (violent smashing)

BERNIE: Whoa, man, come on now! Come on now! (car alarm blaring)

(car alarm sound and smashing continue)

You missed a spot.

I scrubbed it, but it didn't get clean.

Well, use the Force.

And when you're done, use a mop.

Hey, baby, you know you're right.

When you trust your kids, you end up with a nice clean floor.

In fact, we need to trust our kids a couple times a month.

(horn honking)

Your ride is here.

Coming. (playful smack)

(William de Vaughn: "Just Be Thankful For What You Got" playing)

♪ Just be thankful ♪

♪ For what you got... ♪

Where are we going?

To the rent-a-car place.

I got a Seville waiting on me.

♪ Diamond in the back, sunroof top ♪

What?

Gas money?

My baby gets plenty thirsty,

so 20 bucks should do.

♪ TV antennas in the back ♪

(scoffs)

Okay, okay, America, so I was wrong about Nessa.

But I was right about boys.

Can't be trusted. Not even the nerds.

(grunts smugly)

(thud)

MAN 1: Hey, man, what's wrong with you?

MAN 2: Yeah, watch where you're going!

Watch where you're walking!

Poop-butt, huh!

(laughter) (bleep)

Here. A 50?

(evil cackling)

(crazed laughter)

(laughing harder)

Come and get me, copper.

(goofy laugh)

(hearty chuckle)

Captioned by Visual Data