Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

(school bell rings)

Hey, Tracy. Pick a card.

Uh, well, I'm, uh... I'm late for class.

But it's recess.

What's up, Jordan?

JORDAN: Help... Very few teams have someone

in the 105-pound weight class.

MAN: If we could field someone, that's an easy point to pick up.

Dang, I miss junior high.

(grunts)

Calm down, son. What's your name?

Jordan Tompkins.

What do you go, about 102?

I'm 103.

(whimpers)

Good reflexes.

JORDAN: Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it

for wrestling's new dark lord,

the master of the macabre,

Jordan "The Psycho" Tompkins.

Hey, Jordan, I mean, uh... what's that getup?

I made the wrestling team, and Coach says I got what it takes.

Oh, that's so cute. Let me get my camera. Hold on, baby.

BERNIE: Ain't nothing cute about wrestling.

It's about dominating and humiliating your opponent.

Hmm... All right, now, Jordan.

Let me see your game face.

(growling) Now that's adorable.

I'm going to get my camera. You're so cute.

(soft growl)

Hold on. I mean, Jordan a wrestler?

I mean, I could see him wrestling

with the lid of a mayonnaise jar

and ending up with a dry, dry sandwich, you know?

(chuckles)

But what'd you think, Steve?

Well, I don't know. I mean...

It don't look like the kid could beat up a rag doll.

He's skinny as a rail,

but you know, when it comes down to it,

it's not about how big the man is. Right.

It's how big this is.

Okay. Yeah, sure, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But did you see me teach him the game face?

(growling)

Man, don't give people a reason to hate him. Yeah...

Yeah, you're right.

(indistinct shouting)

MAN: I need a wrestler, Coach.

What's the matter, Bill? Don't have anyone?

(sighs)

Winner, by default.

Match point, Damien.

But I didn't do anything. Sure you did.

In fact, you're our secret weapon.

-Wow, secret weapon? -Shh-shh-shh-shh.

Let's keep it a secret, shall we?

Oh...

Sorry. Sorry.

Yup, the coach gives you a pin every time you win a match.

Yeah, that's nice.

So tell me, Jordan, how'd you really do it, man?

I mean, how you sweep his legs from under him, man,

how you ground his face into the mat. Come on, show me, man.

I mean, tell me, tell me how you did it.

Well, honestly, it happened so fast,

I don't even know what happened.

Well, that's okay,

but the important thing is, you handled your business.

Uh, yeah. I'm going to go get something to eat.

Modesty is good for you, son.

It's the mark of a champion.

Winner by default. Match point, Damien.

Winner, by default. Match point, Damien.

Winner by default. Match point, Damien.

(wrestlers muttering)

WANDA: Can I help you?

Uh...

I, um...

The, the plastic bag, uh...

See, I was doing, um, a science project on...

Save it. Out.

Oh, wow, look it here,

Mr. 5 and 0.

So tell me, son. When am I going to get a chance

to see you destroy your next opponent, huh?

Uh, I-I don't know. I mean, all the wrestling matches are... away.

Yeah. It's a weird schedule... VANESSA: I don't know what

the big deal is, you haven't worn that in months.

WANDA: That is not the point.

Bernie, could you please explain to her

that my clothes are my clothes,

even though I don't wear them as often as she would like me to?

VANESSA: Maybe if I had my own clothes,

I wouldn't have to borrow yours.

Bernie?

You mean, get in the middle

of two women wrestling over a blouse? Shoot.

I'd rather climb in the ring with you, Steve.

Really? Yeah.

Well, let's go.

Listen, listen to your Aunt Wanda, okay?

That's all you're gonna say?

Oh, okay. Here's the deal.

Since you like wearing everyone's clothes so much,

you can wash everyone's clothes for a month.

VANESSA: For a month? WANDA: 30 days.

But that's not fair.

You are so mean now, and this house is like a prison.

Shazam.

Looking good. Next.

-113. -What? Let me see that.

You are supposed to be 105!

What's the big deal?

Hey, I wasn't finished with that.

Look, regionals are this Friday.

You are no good to me at 113.

So you will either make weight,

or you might actually have to wrestle somebody

and get that pretty little singlet of yours all dirty.

(whimpering)

I bet he just dirtied it now. Shut it!

Next!

Thanks for the pancakes, Uncle Bernie.

You're welcome, sweetheart.

Come on. Well?

(sighs) Does anybody have any clothes that they want me to wash?

Here. You can take this.

Now, off to your brother's room.

(scoffs) I'm not going in there, and you can't make me.

I said march. (footsteps receding)

SINGER: ♪ Now that I have the chance ♪ (knock at door)

♪ Always be a fool if I didn't take it ♪

♪ I know you love me... ♪

You may enter.

♪ Wouldn't take your heart if I knew I had to break it... ♪

Ugh! Do you have any clothes that are just, you know, dirty?

Ones that don't have disease growing in them?

♪ Sorry, sorry... ♪

You always say the nicest things.

This place is sick.

Don't forget these.

Ugh!

Hey, son.

Hot flapjacks. Better come get them.

No, thanks, Uncle Bernie. I'm not hungry.

What are you talking about? You're an athlete. You gotta eat.

I'm just gonna finish this gum.

Nonsense. (hesitates)

Oh. You trying to make weight.

Look, Jordan, I know this is important to you,

but it's not healthy. I'll come up there, and I'll talk to your coach.

No, no, don't! Um...

It's not for wrestling.

It's for catechism class.

I'm fasting to atone for my sins. See?

I'm a sinner, Uncle Bernie.

A big, big sinner.

Stop it.

What's wrong with a couple of "Hail Marys"?

I tell you what, I'll go and talk to Father Cronin, okay?

No, no, no, no, don't! Um...

It's between me and God.

Well, I'll talk to Him, too. In the meantime, you come over here and eat.

You got to eat. Here, take your sister's plate.

♪ Very sorry ♪

(phone ringing)

♪ Sorry, don't wanna lie ♪

(indistinct singing)

Vanessa?

Where's my magazine?

I don't know where your magazine is.

Okay, so now you're losing

the things you're taking from me?

(scoffs) You're just mad

because I know what your sex quotient is.

You read my survey?

(scoffs) Just kidding.

I didn't take your dumb magazine.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have laundry to do.

Don't sass me! I...

Oh.

That wouldn't be it, would it?

Um... Hey, Wanda!

BERNIE: Hey, baby.

What's going on with Jordan?

I mean, he in there talking nonsense

about starving himself,

about being some type of sinner?

Ah, well, I guess we just found his sin.

What? What he doing with a lady magazine?

ALL: Ugh...

No...

Come on, now! Tell me it ain't true, America.

I mean, tell me the boy hasn't,

you know, discovered himself.

Oh... Steve, what you think?

What do I think about what?

I thought you brought me here to talk about pro wrestling,

drinking beer, raising hell. That, that's my gig, right?

Yeah.

It's not natural.

It is natural. All boys do it. I didn't.

Oh, please! Nope.

Uh-uh.

Whatever. The point is,

Jordan is doing it, and you need to talk to him.

Oh, no, uh-uh, uh-uh. Come on, now, sweetheart.

Bernard.

Oh...

(knocking) Hey, Jordan, you got a minute?

JORDAN: (heavy breathing)

(knocking) Jordan?

JORDAN: (groaning)

Oh, my God.

JORDAN: (grunting)

SINGER (through headset): ♪ Get up on the town ♪

(grunting)

♪ Everybody get up ♪

♪ Get up on the town ♪

Oh. My. God.

SINGER: ♪ Get up on the town, sir... ♪

JORDAN: Four, five, six...

seven, eight...

nine, ten... Easy, boy.

It don't grow back.

I'm telling ya.

...13...

...14...

...15...

WOMAN (on TV): ...16, 17, 18, 19...

SINGER: ♪ We're having a party, y'all ♪

♪ Having a good time ♪

(upbeat song continues, indistinct)

♪ Get up ♪

Little pervert.

SINGER: ♪ Talkin' about gettin' married ♪

Now, if it's too cold, then it won't get clean,

and if it's too hot, then the colors may run,

or you may shrink it.

That looks a little obvious to me. Hello!

I know how to do laundry.

Well, great. Knock yourself out.

I hate my crappy clothes.

"Too hot and you might shrink them."

(machine door thuds closed)

Bye-bye, bad clothes.

Hey, Jordan. Can I talk to you for a minute, son?

Do you mind if I keep jumping?

Son, that's kind of sort of what I wanted to talk to you about.

Look, you've got a big match coming up

so you've got to conserve your energy.

Now, a champion's got to stay hungry.

So, therefore, you've got to kind of of keep your hand

out of the cookie jar. You know what I mean?

Not really.

BERNIE: Okay, it's like the Olympics.

You have the female and you have the male,

and they stay in different parts of the village

so they don't have any extracurricular that--

Hey, that's my jump rope! Ow!

Come on, Jordan! Give it to me! It's mine!

Reverse it! You can do it easy! Come on, man! Give it to me!

Stop it! I... can't... breathe!

Stop it!

(thud)

(kicks) JORDAN: Ow!

Man, she really opened up a can of whup-ass on that boy.

Yeah. I mean, that's 'cause he drained all his strength

from, you know, doing his thing, you know?

(laughing)

VANESSA: Oh, no! Aunt Wanda!

What happened? They're ruined!

Doing everyone's laundry,

I mean, there was just so many colors and fabrics.

What?

Look. (gasps)

All my clothes are like this. (fake sob)

Oh, wow.

That's terrible.

Were they just your clothes?

Yeah. They were?

Oh, that's awful.

Aw, now, there, there.

We're going to take you shopping and get you all new clothes.

Okay.

Yeah, that'll make you feel better.

(indistinct chatter)

Okay, 105-pound class.

103. You're okay.

Next.

Scared me there for a minute, Tompkins.

Way to make weight.

(ominous music playing)

I'm just glad I don't have to wrestle one of those guys.

Uh-oh. They do have a kid in your weight class.

That's him.

(ominous Kung-Fu music playing)

(yelling)

The Killa from Manila.

Never been beaten.

I think I'm going to throw up.

Don't bother.

You already made weight.

(yelling continues)

Oh...

I heard he killed a guy in the Philippines.

BLOND KID: Supposedly, he knows all the pressure points

that can paralyze you.

Or make you poop your pants.

Um... I forgot my chin strap in my locker.

I've got to go.

(pounds fist)

Where are you going?

Um... I can't wrestle, Coach.

(gasping) It's my asthma.

Look, son, I once wrestled with a punctured lung.

BERNIE: Get on it! There's my champ. What's up, baby?

Uncle Bernie, what are you doing here?

I came to see Mr. Undefeated

do his thing, you know?

(Bernie chuckles) (groans)

Piledriver, arm bar, hammer drop.

Uncle Bernie, there's something I need to tell you

about what I've been doing lately.

Look here, son. You know what?

I already know about it, you know?

And we don't need to talk about it here.

Besides, you've got a big match coming up.

You've got to get ready.

No, but I need to do it now, Uncle Bernie.

Will you meet me in the locker room?

Wait! Is he going to talk to me about it

or is he going to do it?

Now, help me, America,

'cause Bernie Mac's uncomfortable.

I mean, very uncomfortable.

Steve!

Steve?

(door slams)

When it started, I was kind of confused. Then I grew to like it.

I mean, it happened naturally.

It's not my fault. I couldn't stop.

I only did it for your approval. Son, you're sick.

But you were so proud when you thought I was wrestling people.

I couldn't tell you

that there's never been anyone in my weight class.

Oh, sweet Lord.

Son, do you mean to tell me this is about wrestling?

Yeah.

Man, me and your aunt thought, man,

that you were putting for birdie.

Running the faucet.

Fixing your turtleneck.

(uncomfortable laugh) Discovering yourself down there.

You know.

Oh! Wait, wait. Isn't that wrong?

Yeah. I mean, no. I mean... I mean, sort of.

Look, it's natural.

I mean, it's health...

Jordan, look. Enough about that.

You've got a big match coming up. You've got to get ready.

He's going to kill me. I've never wrestled with anybody before.

Well, then, good. You be the element of surprise.

See, don't nobody know what you're made of.

And neither do you.

Now, he might be the Killa from Manila,

but you be the Psycho from Encino.

You get what I'm saying to you, my brother? Yeah!

Now, Jordan Tompkins, you go out there

and you show him what you're made of.

You understand? Give me some!

Who you with?

Come on, son. Who you with?

(whimpers) Come on!

Let me hear you go... (growls) (weak growl)

No. Go... (growls)

(Jordan growls) (growls)

Hey, how's it fit?

VANESSA: Um... okay, I guess.

It just seems a little weird.

Um... are you sure this is in style?

Oh, yes. It is our hottest trend.

Come on out. Let me see you.

How do I look?

Perfect.

Uh... what are you doing?

Uh-huh. Easy, or I will send this picture

to all your little friends right now.

Uh, take it down.

Now, what I need you to do

is I need you to promise me

that you'll be nice to your own clothes,

and never borrow mine again without asking.

-Okay. I promise. -Come on, turn around.

That's cute. Let me see the back. Look in the mirror.

It accentuates your waist and everything...

We getting it, anyway.

(indistinct shouting)

Be careful. This kid has a move

that no one has ever escaped from.

They call it the "Manila Envelope."

Yeah. 'Cause, once it's sealed,

there's no way out.

(whimpers)

BERNIE: Let's go, Psycho!

Ready?

Wrestle. Go!

(The O'Jays: "Survival" playing)

♪ Help me Help me help me... ♪

Escape!

One point, purple.

I got a point? (yelps)

My man!

Get that chicken wing up there!

(whimpering)

(grunting)

Oh!

Escape!

One point, purple.

(spectators applaud)

(whistle blows)

REFEREE: Time! End of period.

All right, now that's enough pussyfooting.

Now you're going to take this clown to Sorry Town.

I want you to grab him like this

and put him in a sleeper hold, and then you squeeze a little bit,

-and it's hush-a-bye, baby. That's it. Shh! -Okay, okay. I get it. Okay, I get it.

Please watch the spit. Watch the spit! Oh, God! All right, all right.

All right, all right. Now, get back in there. Get back in there!

(upbeat song continues)

You're mine!

Wrestle.

(grunting and groaning)

Good God! He's in the Envelope!

(Killa shrieking)

He got out of the Envelope! REFEREE: Escape. One point, purple.

Look at him! Look at him!

("Survival" continues) ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Survival of the fittest survival ♪

(song ends) (crowd gasps)

(yells)

Winner, red.

It's over? I didn't die!

I didn't die! Whoo-hoo!

That's... that's my nephew right there.

That's my nephew right there.

That's my nephew right there.

BERNIE: Wanda, you should have seen this boy.

This boy was like Houdini.

Jordan, tell me, how did you escape

the Manila Envelope?

Well, it was easy, really.

All I did was dislocate my shoulder, which I learned

from being stuffed in my locker so many times.

Oh! Oh, and check this out.

I got this cool patch for being in the regionals.

Well, I'm going to hit the books before going to bed.

Here you go, Vanessa.

Now, no bleach; cold water; medium heat dry.

(laughs) Knock yourself out.

Oh, honey, look.

Look at his new patch.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. Looks like a little stud, don't it?

Yeah. Hey, baby, let's give it to him now.

He might want to go to sleep in it. Okay.

(knocks) Jordan?

JORDAN: Give me a minute.

(upbeat song playing loudly)

SINGER: ♪ Talkin' about getting married... ♪

Jordan, what you doing in there?

JORDAN: Uncle Bernie said it's natural.

Na...? I did not.

I did not.

♪ Get up on the town ♪

I did not!

guaranteed effective. All right? Come here.

(Jordan grunts) Why did I say yes?

All right, I'm going to show you a choke hold

guaranteed to be effective.

Come here. You go like this...

I'm okay, I'm-I'm okay.

Point for me, point for me.

All right, I'm going to show you a choke hold

guaranteed to be effective.

Come here. I'll show you.

Just like this.

I didn't even choke him yet.

Captioned by Visual Data