Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

(playing the piano) When can I play Alicia Keyes?

When you learn these keys.

Bryana, you have to practice

if you want to be ready for your recital.

Again.

(sighs, resumes playing)

But, Uncle Bernie! She gets this, and she gets that.

(speech muted) And I don't get anything, And I do good...

(normal speech) ...school, it's not fair!

How come she gets a piano, and she stinks,

and I can't even get Ninja Fighters III, and I'm good at it.

I mean, it's really not fair!

(muted speech) I think...

Oh! Uncle Bernie!

(groans) Oh!

(shouting) America!

(muted piano music playing)

(normal sound resumes)

America, I'm not even gonna dignify him with an answer.

But I'm telling you why.

See, because playing the piano will enrich her life.

Playing video games don't enrich nothing.

So she's no good.

Everybody's got to start somewhere.

For all you know, she could be the next Roberta Flack.

Young people, that's Alicia Keyes with an afro.

Hey, give it! I had it first!

Give me! I had it first!

Hey, hey, hey, separate!

Separate!

Now, let me tell you something, young lady.

Before you even think about turning the television on,

you better tickle those ivories, you got me?

-Yes, because it's such a delight when you play. -Shut up.

First, I got to feed my hamster.

Uh-uh, no, you ain't. Let it starve.

Now, give it to him.

(snickers)

Now, let's go, young lady.

(whimpers)

BERNIE: Come on, sit down here.

Baby Girl, sit down...

No, no, no, you don't.

Sit down!

Okay, Baby Girl, I'm not playing with you. Sit down!

Put your hand up here.

Put your hand up here.

Put your hand in here.

Sit down! I'm not playing with you!

(playing piano badly)

(doorbell rings)

Brian?

What's up, Big B?

Man, I hardly could recognize you

without that Jerry Curl bag on your head, man.

Oh, man, that's old school.

Look, I'm all natural now.

Man, what's going on, man?

(laughs) What's up?

America, I haven't seen

this cat in years.

Used to cut hair in the neighborhood.

He ain't no sissy, though.

In fact, used to have

quite a way with the ladies.

I wonder what brings him to town, though.

Hmm.

I hope it ain't no money.

So, Brian, I mean, what brings you to L.A., man?

Oh.

Your sister, Stacey, man.

I ran into her last week, man, and...

she dropped a bomb on me, y'all.

She told me that Bryana is named after her daddy.

Hmm?

Oh. Oh.

Huh.

Bryana's daddy?

I mean, America, we always knew

Bryana had a different pappy from Jordan and Nessa.

We just didn't know who.

See, it was a family secret,

like Aunt Ruth and Aunt Betty,

living together all them years.

They just friends! Sure!

Nobody ever said nothing.

Don't ask, don't tell.

You know, that's what family do.

So, don't judge me.

Your family got secrets, too.

Oh, yeah.

I was just as shocked as y'all.

I don't know why you were shocked, man.

Weren't you there? Oh, most definitely.

As fine as your sister was...

You know, that... that was a long time ago.

A long...

long, long time ago, man.

And you know, then I moved away.

And I haven't seen Stacey since.

Hey, yo, Mac,

I just want to see my daughter, man.

Lookit, as soon as I heard about it, you know,

I drove all the way across country just to see you.

Do I have to go with him?

BRIAN: Oh, no, no, no, sweetie.

I know that you have a great life here

with your aunt and uncle, living all large.

It's just that when your mom told me about you,

I just had to see your face.

It's pretty.

Just like your mama's.

Oh, hey.

I almost forgot.

I brought you something.

Thank you.

Can I go now?

Hmm.

She looks like me.

(laughs)

So, how long are you in town, Brian?

Oh, now, just for the weekend.

Then I have to get back on the road.

I'm staying at the Sheridan, right up the street.

Oh.

Uh, why don't you come over for dinner?

Around 6:00?

Thank you.

Wow. Oh.

I just...

I thought our daddy was my daddy.

No. Why do you think you're yellow, and we're chocolate?

VANESSA: I remember him.

Out of all the guys mom dated,

he was the nicest.

He would always bring her gifts.

He got me this.

Hey, give it back. Hmm.

Ten carats, 12 tops.

(pop music playing)

(laughing)

(sighs) Is this one for me?

Now you know I saved the best one for last,

just for you.

Can I have extra whip cream?

You can have extra whatever you want.

You want to know why?

'Cause you're my princess. (laughs)

(laughs) Oh, I'll take that.

Mmm.

♪ How about some hot fudge? ♪

♪ And cherries, too? ♪

♪ And some whip cream ♪

♪ Chocolate sprinkles ♪

♪ Woo-woo! Uh! ♪ Open your mouth.

Hey, why's hers bigger than mine?

(laughs) 'Cause you're not a princess.

-Um, Brian. -Hmm?

Don't you think it's a little too late for that much ice cream?

Yeah.

About nine years too late.

Mmm.

Bam!

Thank you, Daddy.

You hear that, America?

Baby Girl called him daddy.

That's a beautiful thing.

To have someone to call daddy.

Sure, her belly will ache.

Be breaking wind something awful.

But it's worth it.

Shoot, my belly might be hurting, too.

This is a good thing. (chuckles)

Beautiful.

I'm trying to peek. Stop trying to peek.

All right, you can open your eyes now.

(Bryana screams)

(The Jackson 5: "Sugar Daddy" playing)

♪ I'm gonna be your sugar daddy, give you honey ♪

Can I ride it now?

Oh, sure you can, little man. Take it for a spin.

I don't want him to. I want to ride it some more.

Please, Daddy?

♪ I wanna be your sugar daddy ♪

♪ Give you kisses ♪

Um, sorry, bro.

Can I get some rims for my scooter, Daddy?

BRIAN: Oh, of course you can, Princess.

You know what? I'll pick them up

as soon as I pick up that video game that you like.

Uh, what-what was it called again?

Ninja Fighters III.

(laughs)

♪ I'm gonna be your sugar daddy ♪

♪ Give you, honey all my money ♪

♪ Well L.A. to Cincinatti... ♪

Wanda. Yeah, honey.

You know Baby Girl hasn't done her homework

or played the piano or anything.

Don't make no sense, her father spoiling her like that.

Well, just yesterday, he bought her some skates,

and a bike... I mean, how many gifts does a girl need?

Sometimes you just got to bite your tongue.

(whispering)

-Hey! -Where have you all been?

Do you know it's almost 10:00?

Sweetie, stop eating that.

No, see, look, I promised her

she could have some cotton candy if she ate all her popcorn.

Say good night.

Good night, Princess.

Look, I'm sorry, B.

I just lost track of time, man.

But-- but she's here now. It's all good.

It's not all good!

He's getting on my nerves!

But, America, he's leaving tomorrow.

Lord, please, help me make it through one more day.

Just one more day.

It's all good, B.

Hey, what's up, B? Where's Princess?

Princess! I got the tickets, mama!

We're going to the movies! We good to go!

No, no, no, no, sir.

Baby Girl's doing her homework. She got school tomorrow.

Oh, come on, B.

It's my last night in town, man.

I thought we could do something special.

School's special.

Besides, she's got a bed time.

She go past her bed time, she's no good.

She'll be gnawing like she's on something.

Oh, come on, B.

It's just that, man, you've had my daughter for the last five years.

I didn't think it'd be a problem if I could get her for two more hours.

Baby Girl, what you calling yourself doing?

-Resting. -You know there ain't no resting at the table.

Now, eat your breakfast, and fix your hair. And where your homework?

My daddy said I didn't have to do it,

because we were celebrating finding each other.

You'll be celebrating a whooping if you don't do your homework, you hear me?

Can you help me with my homework?

Let your daddy help you.

Vanessa, fix my hair.

Bryana, that is not how you ask.

And, you know, I think it's nice that your dad came to visit you.

Most guys don't care.

But that doesn't mean you have to act like a spoiled brat.

Are you mad because my daddy's nice, and your daddy's locked up?

Fix it yourself.

Oh, no. Where you think you're going?

I'm riding my scooter to school.

No, you're not. Turn it off.

-My daddy would let me. -Your daddy's not here.

-Daddy! -Hey, I'm not going for that.

Hey! Looks like somebody's ready to ride to school on their brand new scooter.

I thought you went home.

I did, but I was on the highway,

and I had a thought, Bernie.

Why am I in a hurry to get home?

And how can I even call it home when my daughter is here?

Oh. Bernie,

this is my seed, man.

My little acorn. You feel me?

I want to be here to watch her grow.

I can't miss out on that, man.

Hey.

Come on, Bryana, let's go to school.

Hey, Hey, Bern,

I promise I'll run alongside of her, cool?

All right. Come on, let's go to school.

(The Jackson 5: "Sugar Daddy" playing)

America, I'm changing my mind about absentee fathers.

Some of you all need to stay gone.

You know who you are!

♪ I'm gonna be your sugar daddy, give you honey ♪

Honey, you can't make him go home.

He's the girl's daddy.

Well, somebody got to go, and I live here.

Well, did he say how much longer he was staying?

Indefinitely.

Hmm. Well, you know what?

Just talk to him. And be nice.

You know, he's just learning to be a daddy just like you did.

I know you're all happy about finding out

about your daughter and everything... Bernie,

I mean, I never thought I could love somebody this much.

God.

He made me a perfect princess.

Well...

Well, I don't know how to put this, but...

you see, B, uh... your princess?

She's a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Oh, yeah.

She's a shepherd for the devil.

(laughing) No. No, man, not my princess.

I know. I've been her guardian for four years.

-I know what I'm talking about. -No, no, see, look.

I want to be more like the, uh... the fun,

hip-hop type type of dad.

You feel me?

That's what I'm talking about.

See, Brian, she don't need any more friends.

What she needs is rules and discipline.

If not, she'll start acting like a banshee.

Now, that's no good for her,

and it's definitely no good for me.

You feel me?

I think I do.

Bryana! Come on, take it easy.

Hey, hey, Bernie, I got this, man.

I hear you been disrespectful to your Uncle Bernie.

Is that true?

Hey, is it true? Yes. I-I mean, no.

Well, which one is it, girl? Is it yes or is it no, 'cause you know what?

I will take the back of this shoe-- Hey! Come on!

Hey, hey. What's wrong with you? Hey, hey.

You're right. My bad.

Man, you know what? I will beat you... Hey, hey! B, come on, man.

I'm disciplining my daughter.

What's the matter with you? Look at what you're doing to her.

What?

(sniffling)

Oh.

Baby, I'm sorry.

Daddy didn't mean to make his princess cry.

Look, uh...

here, here's $20.

Okay?

I'm sorry!

Brian, I didn't say to chop her head off.

Bernie, you told me to discipline her, man.

You're sending me mixed signals.

All right, I'm going to keep this real simple.

Your daughter, my Baby Girl,

she has a routine,

and Brian, all you got to do is fit into it.

(sighs)

(horn honking) BRIAN: Damn it, you see me here!

That's right!

(horn honking)

(music blasting on radio)

SINGER: ♪ I was down lover she was on the uptown ♪

♪ Well boogie thing, let's disco... ♪

I'm sorry, lad, you'll have to

take your turn at the end of the line. Huh?

(music volume lowers) You'll have to take your turn

at the end of the line, lad. Relax, man.

(horn hooting) I'm just here to pick up my Baby Girl, all right?

Little Bryana.

(grunts)

Uh, look here, Sister. (horn hooting)

I ain't one of these little students you got here, all right?

So the next time you hit this truck,

you're going to be a flying nun.

How do you get in a fight with a nun?

It was with a priest. The nuns jumped in!

And you call this a routine? Look, man, I... I guess you're right.

I guess I did take it a bit far.

Could you give that back to Sister Patricia, please?

Look, B...

I don't think this is going to work out, man.

But she hit me first!

Hey, hey, where's Bryana?

She's supposed to be practicing the piano.

I don't even know how I let her talk me into buying that thing.

I got a piano in the middle of my floor. I can't get nobody to play.

I'll play! (plays the piano badly)

Shut up!

(groans)

Bernie, Bryana takes piano lessons?

She did before you got here. Oh, come on, man,

you need to let me teach her that.

I... That's something I could do. You?

I know you know I play.

(playing the piano well)

So you play a little. Hmm.

But Baby Girl need a real teacher.

She's got to get ready for her recital next Friday,

and she ain't no quick study.

Hey, don't worry about that,

'cause I got this.

(playing the piano well)

(Bryana playing poorly)

Uh, Princess, Princess, oh!

Hey, baby, uh, you know, this song is killing Daddy.

What do you say we have some fun right now?

Okay.

I say get the mall walk, mama. Get the mall walk on.

Yeah, that's it.

Uh-huh. (chuckles)

(scoffs) Nice sweat-suits.

Thanks. My daddy got it for me.

And an outfit for my recital.

Speaking of which, aren't you supposed

to be practicing for your recital?

Oh, now, Vanessa, everybody knows

there's a time for practicing

and a time for shopping.

Isn't that right, Princess?

Right, Daddy. Mm-hmm.

Do the Bobby and Whitney.

(humming)

You been served.

(girl playing piano well)

I don't want to play.

What's wrong, Baby Girl?

B, what seems to be the problem, man?

Look, there is no problem.

Look, this girl got music flowing through her blood, man.

I'm a self-taught musician. My daddy played, too.

Man... Look here, sweetheart, don't pay no attention to that. She's much older than you, okay?

WOMAN (over PA system): Please welcome, from the third grade, our next performer, Oliver.

(plays piano well)

I don't want to play. I'm not going to play.

I knew this was going to happen.

Jordan, you know what to do.

(wheezing) Come on, baby, come on.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

We're not going anywhere.

We came here to play, and that's what we're going to do.

Now, Bryana, I know you're not backing down from a challenge.

How do you know? You've only known me for 11 days.

Okay, I told you...

Look, the world is a mean place,

and if they smell your fear,

it's just going to get meaner,

so you can't let anything

intimidate you, all right?

Back in the day, in the concrete jungle,

I was on the ball courts, and I was balling, right,

and this seven-foot dude, he come up to me

and he challenged me in front of everybody.

What'd you do? I was nervous, man,

but you can't let 'em smell your fear on the battlefield.

Because I wasn't acting scared.

My fear? it disappeared.

On the inside...

I was Air Jordan.

You're Alicia Keyes.

I don't know about all that, now...

(applause continues)

Yo, B. Yeah?

Listen, um... back in the day,

in the concrete jungle, when you was balling?

Mm-hmm? Did you win?

Oh, hell to the no. Man, I stunk.

Thought so. Hey, hey, but I wasn't scared.

And I didn't run away.

That is the point we're trying to make here, right?

Oh, Lord!

(encouraging applause)

(piano music playing badly)

(sound greatly muted)

(Bryana continues playing badly)

BERNIE: Stop, stop filming, son.

(stops playing)

(scattered applause)

Go, go get her, go get her, baby. Hurry up!

It could've been worse.

Somebody in the audience could have caught

bad-piano-player-itis and died.

-You want me to do something to you? -No.

Hey, Baby Girl.

Hey, don't worry about it.

You'll get 'em next time.

-Am I right? -That's right.

Can Miss Tyler come back?

I promise I'll practice.

I'll call her first thing tomorrow.

Hey, Princess, you were great up there.

Hey, look.

I got something for you.

You were supposed to help me practice.

You're the one that wanted to go shopping.

So?

(exhales) She hates me.

Now you're a real daddy.

Come on, family, let's go.

Come on, baby.

VANESSA: Okay. BERNIE: Y'all hungry?

JORDAN: Me, too. Yeah.

BERNIE: Me, too, man, y'all want to go

to our favorite place?

VANESSA: Yeah. BERNIE: (chuckles)

Hey, B!

You coming? Hmm?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I was just thinking, man.

Come on, man.

America, you'll hear Baby Girl

practicing every day like clockwork.

She's learned that when her uncle tells her to do something,

it's for her own good.

Guess I'm doing a good job of raising her daddy, too.

(knocking) Bernie...

What's up, B? Uh...

Is this where the real daddies hang out?

No, no, man, this is where I talk to America by myself.

Ooh, my bad. Uh... do your thing, bro.

Do your thing.

This is going to be a problem, America.

A big problem.

(knocking)

They's coming, Bernie. They's coming. Hides that!

Hides that! Come on in!

Come on! Come and get 'em!

WOMAN: Okay, Bernie Mac!

Just didn't know who.

It was a family secret,

like Aunt Ruth and Aunt Betty...

Oh, all--all they, uh...

(making nonsense noises)

Captioned by Visual Data