All language subtitles for The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E01.Father.Knows.Best.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,586 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:20,552 (playing the piano) When can I play Alicia Keyes? 3 00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:22,012 When you learn these keys. 4 00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:23,972 Bryana, you have to practice 5 00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:26,316 if you want to be ready for your recital. 6 00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:27,642 Again. 7 00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:29,403 (sighs, resumes playing) 8 00:00:32,474 --> 00:00:35,358 But, Uncle Bernie! She gets this, and she gets that. 9 00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,277 (speech muted) And I don't get anything, And I do good... 10 00:00:37,354 --> 00:00:39,196 (normal speech) ...school, it's not fair! 11 00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,199 How come she gets a piano, and she stinks, 12 00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:45,869 and I can't even get Ninja Fighters III, and I'm good at it. 13 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,204 I mean, it's really not fair! 14 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,464 (muted speech) I think... 15 00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,258 Oh! Uncle Bernie! 16 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:54,169 (groans) Oh! 17 00:00:54,246 --> 00:00:56,671 (shouting) America! 18 00:00:56,748 --> 00:00:59,174 (muted piano music playing) 19 00:00:59,251 --> 00:01:00,884 (normal sound resumes) 20 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:05,680 America, I'm not even gonna dignify him with an answer. 21 00:01:05,757 --> 00:01:07,557 But I'm telling you why. 22 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:11,144 See, because playing the piano will enrich her life. 23 00:01:11,221 --> 00:01:13,730 Playing video games don't enrich nothing. 24 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,373 So she's no good. 25 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,567 Everybody's got to start somewhere. 26 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:21,071 For all you know, she could be the next Roberta Flack. 27 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:24,491 Young people, that's Alicia Keyes with an afro. 28 00:01:24,568 --> 00:01:26,743 Hey, give it! I had it first! 29 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,245 Give me! I had it first! 30 00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:29,621 Hey, hey, hey, separate! 31 00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:31,340 Separate! 32 00:01:31,416 --> 00:01:33,250 Now, let me tell you something, young lady. 33 00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:35,502 Before you even think about turning the television on, 34 00:01:35,579 --> 00:01:37,420 you better tickle those ivories, you got me? 35 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:41,383 -Yes, because it's such a delight when you play. -Shut up. 36 00:01:41,459 --> 00:01:42,500 First, I got to feed my hamster. 37 00:01:42,578 --> 00:01:43,927 Uh-uh, no, you ain't. Let it starve. 38 00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,428 Now, give it to him. 39 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:46,763 (snickers) 40 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,890 Now, let's go, young lady. 41 00:01:48,967 --> 00:01:50,275 (whimpers) 42 00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:52,602 BERNIE: Come on, sit down here. 43 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:53,728 Baby Girl, sit down... 44 00:01:53,805 --> 00:01:54,729 No, no, no, you don't. 45 00:01:54,806 --> 00:01:56,240 Sit down! 46 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,108 Okay, Baby Girl, I'm not playing with you. Sit down! 47 00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,442 Put your hand up here. 48 00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:00,610 Put your hand up here. 49 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,412 Put your hand in here. 50 00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:03,780 Sit down! I'm not playing with you! 51 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,949 (playing piano badly) 52 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,417 (doorbell rings) 53 00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:12,673 Brian? 54 00:02:12,749 --> 00:02:14,249 What's up, Big B? 55 00:02:14,326 --> 00:02:16,168 Man, I hardly could recognize you 56 00:02:16,244 --> 00:02:18,003 without that Jerry Curl bag on your head, man. 57 00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:20,046 Oh, man, that's old school. 58 00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,098 Look, I'm all natural now. 59 00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:23,175 Man, what's going on, man? 60 00:02:23,251 --> 00:02:24,259 (laughs) What's up? 61 00:02:24,336 --> 00:02:26,219 America, I haven't seen 62 00:02:26,296 --> 00:02:27,637 this cat in years. 63 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,723 Used to cut hair in the neighborhood. 64 00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:31,016 He ain't no sissy, though. 65 00:02:31,092 --> 00:02:32,392 In fact, used to have 66 00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,144 quite a way with the ladies. 67 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:36,605 I wonder what brings him to town, though. 68 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,356 Hmm. 69 00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:40,901 I hope it ain't no money. 70 00:02:40,977 --> 00:02:43,453 So, Brian, I mean, what brings you to L.A., man? 71 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:46,915 Oh. 72 00:02:48,151 --> 00:02:49,634 Your sister, Stacey, man. 73 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,245 I ran into her last week, man, and... 74 00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:54,381 she dropped a bomb on me, y'all. 75 00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:58,177 She told me that Bryana is named after her daddy. 76 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:00,745 Hmm? 77 00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,426 Oh. Oh. 78 00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:07,636 Huh. 79 00:03:07,712 --> 00:03:09,146 Bryana's daddy? 80 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,889 I mean, America, we always knew 81 00:03:10,966 --> 00:03:13,975 Bryana had a different pappy from Jordan and Nessa. 82 00:03:14,052 --> 00:03:15,518 We just didn't know who. 83 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,103 See, it was a family secret, 84 00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:19,323 like Aunt Ruth and Aunt Betty, 85 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,816 living together all them years. 86 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:24,027 They just friends! Sure! 87 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,779 Nobody ever said nothing. 88 00:03:25,855 --> 00:03:27,497 Don't ask, don't tell. 89 00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:30,033 You know, that's what family do. 90 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,910 So, don't judge me. 91 00:03:31,987 --> 00:03:33,828 Your family got secrets, too. 92 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:35,288 Oh, yeah. 93 00:03:35,365 --> 00:03:37,457 I was just as shocked as y'all. 94 00:03:37,534 --> 00:03:39,176 I don't know why you were shocked, man. 95 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,878 Weren't you there? Oh, most definitely. 96 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,047 As fine as your sister was... 97 00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:47,217 You know, that... that was a long time ago. 98 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,927 A long... 99 00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:50,262 long, long time ago, man. 100 00:03:50,338 --> 00:03:52,097 And you know, then I moved away. 101 00:03:52,173 --> 00:03:53,890 And I haven't seen Stacey since. 102 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,017 Hey, yo, Mac, 103 00:03:56,094 --> 00:03:58,237 I just want to see my daughter, man. 104 00:04:03,694 --> 00:04:06,486 Lookit, as soon as I heard about it, you know, 105 00:04:06,563 --> 00:04:08,446 I drove all the way across country just to see you. 106 00:04:08,523 --> 00:04:10,582 Do I have to go with him? 107 00:04:12,068 --> 00:04:14,452 BRIAN: Oh, no, no, no, sweetie. 108 00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:16,663 I know that you have a great life here 109 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,623 with your aunt and uncle, living all large. 110 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:21,001 It's just that when your mom told me about you, 111 00:04:21,077 --> 00:04:22,803 I just had to see your face. 112 00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:25,005 It's pretty. 113 00:04:25,081 --> 00:04:26,473 Just like your mama's. 114 00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:27,808 Oh, hey. 115 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,519 I almost forgot. 116 00:04:34,257 --> 00:04:36,224 I brought you something. 117 00:04:36,301 --> 00:04:37,484 Thank you. 118 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,528 Can I go now? 119 00:04:43,975 --> 00:04:45,575 Hmm. 120 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,288 She looks like me. 121 00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,073 (laughs) 122 00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:54,200 So, how long are you in town, Brian? 123 00:04:54,277 --> 00:04:56,286 Oh, now, just for the weekend. 124 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,288 Then I have to get back on the road. 125 00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,498 I'm staying at the Sheridan, right up the street. 126 00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:01,791 Oh. 127 00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:04,085 Uh, why don't you come over for dinner? 128 00:05:04,162 --> 00:05:05,128 Around 6:00? 129 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,680 Thank you. 130 00:05:08,666 --> 00:05:10,342 Wow. Oh. 131 00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:12,060 I just... 132 00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:15,539 I thought our daddy was my daddy. 133 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:18,850 No. Why do you think you're yellow, and we're chocolate? 134 00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,610 VANESSA: I remember him. 135 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,228 Out of all the guys mom dated, 136 00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:23,480 he was the nicest. 137 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:24,981 He would always bring her gifts. 138 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,067 He got me this. 139 00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:29,944 Hey, give it back. Hmm. 140 00:05:30,021 --> 00:05:32,364 Ten carats, 12 tops. 141 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,617 (pop music playing) 142 00:05:35,693 --> 00:05:37,410 (laughing) 143 00:05:37,487 --> 00:05:39,204 (sighs) Is this one for me? 144 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,331 Now you know I saved the best one for last, 145 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,999 just for you. 146 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,210 Can I have extra whip cream? 147 00:05:45,286 --> 00:05:47,295 You can have extra whatever you want. 148 00:05:47,372 --> 00:05:48,688 You want to know why? 149 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,891 'Cause you're my princess. (laughs) 150 00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:54,677 (laughs) Oh, I'll take that. 151 00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:56,179 Mmm. 152 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,231 ♪ How about some hot fudge? ♪ 153 00:05:58,308 --> 00:06:00,100 ♪ And cherries, too? ♪ 154 00:06:00,176 --> 00:06:01,476 ♪ And some whip cream ♪ 155 00:06:01,553 --> 00:06:02,769 ♪ Chocolate sprinkles ♪ 156 00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:05,313 ♪ Woo-woo! Uh! ♪ Open your mouth. 157 00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:07,440 Hey, why's hers bigger than mine? 158 00:06:07,517 --> 00:06:10,110 (laughs) 'Cause you're not a princess. 159 00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:12,371 -Um, Brian. -Hmm? 160 00:06:12,447 --> 00:06:16,375 Don't you think it's a little too late for that much ice cream? 161 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,368 Yeah. 162 00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:19,953 About nine years too late. 163 00:06:20,029 --> 00:06:20,954 Mmm. 164 00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,372 Bam! 165 00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,165 Thank you, Daddy. 166 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,084 You hear that, America? 167 00:06:26,161 --> 00:06:28,211 Baby Girl called him daddy. 168 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,046 That's a beautiful thing. 169 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,215 To have someone to call daddy. 170 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,092 Sure, her belly will ache. 171 00:06:34,169 --> 00:06:36,094 Be breaking wind something awful. 172 00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:37,679 But it's worth it. 173 00:06:37,755 --> 00:06:40,807 Shoot, my belly might be hurting, too. 174 00:06:40,884 --> 00:06:43,685 This is a good thing. (chuckles) 175 00:06:43,761 --> 00:06:44,960 Beautiful. 176 00:06:47,983 --> 00:06:49,950 I'm trying to peek. Stop trying to peek. 177 00:06:50,026 --> 00:06:52,610 All right, you can open your eyes now. 178 00:06:52,687 --> 00:06:54,112 (Bryana screams) 179 00:06:54,189 --> 00:06:56,665 (The Jackson 5: "Sugar Daddy" playing) 180 00:06:56,741 --> 00:06:59,951 ♪ I'm gonna be your sugar daddy, give you honey ♪ 181 00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:01,544 Can I ride it now? 182 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,463 Oh, sure you can, little man. Take it for a spin. 183 00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,874 I don't want him to. I want to ride it some more. 184 00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:07,459 Please, Daddy? 185 00:07:07,535 --> 00:07:09,002 ♪ I wanna be your sugar daddy ♪ 186 00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:10,503 ♪ Give you kisses ♪ 187 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,005 Um, sorry, bro. 188 00:07:12,081 --> 00:07:14,433 Can I get some rims for my scooter, Daddy? 189 00:07:14,509 --> 00:07:16,217 BRIAN: Oh, of course you can, Princess. 190 00:07:16,294 --> 00:07:18,094 You know what? I'll pick them up 191 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,938 as soon as I pick up that video game that you like. 192 00:07:20,015 --> 00:07:22,599 Uh, what-what was it called again? 193 00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:24,559 Ninja Fighters III. 194 00:07:24,636 --> 00:07:26,936 (laughs) 195 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,147 ♪ I'm gonna be your sugar daddy ♪ 196 00:07:29,224 --> 00:07:31,399 ♪ Give you, honey all my money ♪ 197 00:07:31,476 --> 00:07:34,194 ♪ Well L.A. to Cincinatti... ♪ 198 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,954 Wanda. Yeah, honey. 199 00:07:36,031 --> 00:07:37,822 You know Baby Girl hasn't done her homework 200 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,583 or played the piano or anything. 201 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:41,751 Don't make no sense, her father spoiling her like that. 202 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:44,212 Well, just yesterday, he bought her some skates, 203 00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:46,998 and a bike... I mean, how many gifts does a girl need? 204 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:49,718 Sometimes you just got to bite your tongue. 205 00:07:52,664 --> 00:07:54,514 (whispering) 206 00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,177 -Hey! -Where have you all been? 207 00:07:59,254 --> 00:08:00,762 Do you know it's almost 10:00? 208 00:08:00,838 --> 00:08:03,306 Sweetie, stop eating that. 209 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,484 No, see, look, I promised her 210 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,977 she could have some cotton candy if she ate all her popcorn. 211 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,729 Say good night. 212 00:08:09,806 --> 00:08:11,231 Good night, Princess. 213 00:08:11,307 --> 00:08:13,024 Look, I'm sorry, B. 214 00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,459 I just lost track of time, man. 215 00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,786 But-- but she's here now. It's all good. 216 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,907 It's not all good! 217 00:08:20,984 --> 00:08:22,951 He's getting on my nerves! 218 00:08:23,027 --> 00:08:25,745 But, America, he's leaving tomorrow. 219 00:08:25,822 --> 00:08:29,165 Lord, please, help me make it through one more day. 220 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,627 Just one more day. 221 00:08:32,704 --> 00:08:34,471 It's all good, B. 222 00:08:38,593 --> 00:08:40,385 Hey, what's up, B? Where's Princess? 223 00:08:40,461 --> 00:08:42,720 Princess! I got the tickets, mama! 224 00:08:42,797 --> 00:08:44,806 We're going to the movies! We good to go! 225 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,432 No, no, no, no, sir. 226 00:08:46,509 --> 00:08:48,768 Baby Girl's doing her homework. She got school tomorrow. 227 00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:50,436 Oh, come on, B. 228 00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:53,147 It's my last night in town, man. 229 00:08:53,224 --> 00:08:54,658 I thought we could do something special. 230 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:56,034 School's special. 231 00:08:56,111 --> 00:08:57,502 Besides, she's got a bed time. 232 00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,904 She go past her bed time, she's no good. 233 00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:02,490 She'll be gnawing like she's on something. 234 00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:04,158 Oh, come on, B. 235 00:09:05,528 --> 00:09:10,248 It's just that, man, you've had my daughter for the last five years. 236 00:09:10,325 --> 00:09:13,760 I didn't think it'd be a problem if I could get her for two more hours. 237 00:09:24,339 --> 00:09:26,347 Baby Girl, what you calling yourself doing? 238 00:09:26,424 --> 00:09:29,317 -Resting. -You know there ain't no resting at the table. 239 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:32,645 Now, eat your breakfast, and fix your hair. And where your homework? 240 00:09:32,722 --> 00:09:34,480 My daddy said I didn't have to do it, 241 00:09:34,557 --> 00:09:36,983 because we were celebrating finding each other. 242 00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:39,703 You'll be celebrating a whooping if you don't do your homework, you hear me? 243 00:09:42,398 --> 00:09:43,781 Can you help me with my homework? 244 00:09:43,858 --> 00:09:45,500 Let your daddy help you. 245 00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:51,122 Vanessa, fix my hair. 246 00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:54,292 Bryana, that is not how you ask. 247 00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:57,795 And, you know, I think it's nice that your dad came to visit you. 248 00:09:57,872 --> 00:09:59,497 Most guys don't care. 249 00:09:59,574 --> 00:10:03,801 But that doesn't mean you have to act like a spoiled brat. 250 00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:07,564 Are you mad because my daddy's nice, and your daddy's locked up? 251 00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,483 Fix it yourself. 252 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,483 Oh, no. Where you think you're going? 253 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:19,984 I'm riding my scooter to school. 254 00:10:20,061 --> 00:10:21,268 No, you're not. Turn it off. 255 00:10:21,346 --> 00:10:23,321 -My daddy would let me. -Your daddy's not here. 256 00:10:23,398 --> 00:10:26,750 -Daddy! -Hey, I'm not going for that. 257 00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:31,245 Hey! Looks like somebody's ready to ride to school on their brand new scooter. 258 00:10:31,322 --> 00:10:32,997 I thought you went home. 259 00:10:33,074 --> 00:10:35,750 I did, but I was on the highway, 260 00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,001 and I had a thought, Bernie. 261 00:10:37,078 --> 00:10:39,045 Why am I in a hurry to get home? 262 00:10:39,122 --> 00:10:42,882 And how can I even call it home when my daughter is here? 263 00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:44,759 Oh. Bernie, 264 00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:46,177 this is my seed, man. 265 00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:48,554 My little acorn. You feel me? 266 00:10:48,631 --> 00:10:50,932 I want to be here to watch her grow. 267 00:10:51,008 --> 00:10:53,434 I can't miss out on that, man. 268 00:10:53,511 --> 00:10:54,552 Hey. 269 00:10:54,629 --> 00:10:56,688 Come on, Bryana, let's go to school. 270 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,064 Hey, Hey, Bern, 271 00:10:58,141 --> 00:11:00,450 I promise I'll run alongside of her, cool? 272 00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:04,153 All right. Come on, let's go to school. 273 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:07,791 (The Jackson 5: "Sugar Daddy" playing) 274 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:12,212 America, I'm changing my mind about absentee fathers. 275 00:11:12,288 --> 00:11:14,372 Some of you all need to stay gone. 276 00:11:14,449 --> 00:11:16,582 You know who you are! 277 00:11:16,659 --> 00:11:19,260 ♪ I'm gonna be your sugar daddy, give you honey ♪ 278 00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,882 Honey, you can't make him go home. 279 00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:26,676 He's the girl's daddy. 280 00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,470 Well, somebody got to go, and I live here. 281 00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:32,557 Well, did he say how much longer he was staying? 282 00:11:32,633 --> 00:11:34,142 Indefinitely. 283 00:11:34,218 --> 00:11:36,436 Hmm. Well, you know what? 284 00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:39,564 Just talk to him. And be nice. 285 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:43,735 You know, he's just learning to be a daddy just like you did. 286 00:11:43,811 --> 00:11:45,903 I know you're all happy about finding out 287 00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:48,072 about your daughter and everything... Bernie, 288 00:11:48,149 --> 00:11:52,410 I mean, I never thought I could love somebody this much. 289 00:11:52,487 --> 00:11:53,420 God. 290 00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,673 He made me a perfect princess. 291 00:11:59,118 --> 00:12:00,510 Well... 292 00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:05,390 Well, I don't know how to put this, but... 293 00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:08,435 you see, B, uh... your princess? 294 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,846 She's a wolf in sheep's clothing. 295 00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:13,097 Oh, yeah. 296 00:12:13,174 --> 00:12:15,224 She's a shepherd for the devil. 297 00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,019 (laughing) No. No, man, not my princess. 298 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:21,731 I know. I've been her guardian for four years. 299 00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,442 -I know what I'm talking about. -No, no, see, look. 300 00:12:24,519 --> 00:12:27,945 I want to be more like the, uh... the fun, 301 00:12:28,022 --> 00:12:29,947 hip-hop type type of dad. 302 00:12:30,024 --> 00:12:31,365 You feel me? 303 00:12:31,442 --> 00:12:33,951 That's what I'm talking about. 304 00:12:34,028 --> 00:12:36,287 See, Brian, she don't need any more friends. 305 00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:38,748 What she needs is rules and discipline. 306 00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,083 If not, she'll start acting like a banshee. 307 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,419 Now, that's no good for her, 308 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,714 and it's definitely no good for me. 309 00:12:46,791 --> 00:12:47,974 You feel me? 310 00:12:49,877 --> 00:12:51,110 I think I do. 311 00:12:52,096 --> 00:12:53,387 Bryana! Come on, take it easy. 312 00:12:53,464 --> 00:12:55,356 Hey, hey, Bernie, I got this, man. 313 00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:59,277 I hear you been disrespectful to your Uncle Bernie. 314 00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:01,646 Is that true? 315 00:13:01,722 --> 00:13:04,908 Hey, is it true? Yes. I-I mean, no. 316 00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:07,786 Well, which one is it, girl? Is it yes or is it no, 'cause you know what? 317 00:13:07,862 --> 00:13:09,487 I will take the back of this shoe-- Hey! Come on! 318 00:13:09,564 --> 00:13:10,988 Hey, hey. What's wrong with you? Hey, hey. 319 00:13:11,065 --> 00:13:13,032 You're right. My bad. 320 00:13:13,109 --> 00:13:15,368 Man, you know what? I will beat you... Hey, hey! B, come on, man. 321 00:13:15,444 --> 00:13:17,228 I'm disciplining my daughter. 322 00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:19,038 What's the matter with you? Look at what you're doing to her. 323 00:13:19,115 --> 00:13:20,164 What? 324 00:13:20,241 --> 00:13:22,675 (sniffling) 325 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,079 Oh. 326 00:13:27,157 --> 00:13:29,674 Baby, I'm sorry. 327 00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:32,477 Daddy didn't mean to make his princess cry. 328 00:13:33,754 --> 00:13:34,938 Look, uh... 329 00:13:36,465 --> 00:13:38,266 here, here's $20. 330 00:13:38,342 --> 00:13:39,692 Okay? 331 00:13:42,313 --> 00:13:43,696 I'm sorry! 332 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:47,692 Brian, I didn't say to chop her head off. 333 00:13:47,768 --> 00:13:51,162 Bernie, you told me to discipline her, man. 334 00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:52,905 You're sending me mixed signals. 335 00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:55,542 All right, I'm going to keep this real simple. 336 00:13:56,652 --> 00:13:59,328 Your daughter, my Baby Girl, 337 00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:00,939 she has a routine, 338 00:14:01,015 --> 00:14:04,467 and Brian, all you got to do is fit into it. 339 00:14:05,703 --> 00:14:06,803 (sighs) 340 00:14:08,531 --> 00:14:09,922 (horn honking) BRIAN: Damn it, you see me here! 341 00:14:09,999 --> 00:14:11,173 That's right! 342 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:12,425 (horn honking) 343 00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:14,552 (music blasting on radio) 344 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,387 SINGER: ♪ I was down lover she was on the uptown ♪ 345 00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,431 ♪ Well boogie thing, let's disco... ♪ 346 00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:20,057 I'm sorry, lad, you'll have to 347 00:14:20,134 --> 00:14:22,518 take your turn at the end of the line. Huh? 348 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,353 (music volume lowers) You'll have to take your turn 349 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,898 at the end of the line, lad. Relax, man. 350 00:14:26,974 --> 00:14:29,901 (horn hooting) I'm just here to pick up my Baby Girl, all right? 351 00:14:29,977 --> 00:14:30,776 Little Bryana. 352 00:14:30,853 --> 00:14:32,236 (grunts) 353 00:14:32,313 --> 00:14:35,197 Uh, look here, Sister. (horn hooting) 354 00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,783 I ain't one of these little students you got here, all right? 355 00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:39,702 So the next time you hit this truck, 356 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,412 you're going to be a flying nun. 357 00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:43,080 How do you get in a fight with a nun? 358 00:14:43,157 --> 00:14:46,167 It was with a priest. The nuns jumped in! 359 00:14:46,243 --> 00:14:50,379 And you call this a routine? Look, man, I... I guess you're right. 360 00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,098 I guess I did take it a bit far. 361 00:14:55,169 --> 00:14:57,937 Could you give that back to Sister Patricia, please? 362 00:15:02,051 --> 00:15:03,902 Look, B... 363 00:15:03,978 --> 00:15:05,528 I don't think this is going to work out, man. 364 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,064 But she hit me first! 365 00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:09,815 Hey, hey, where's Bryana? 366 00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:12,076 She's supposed to be practicing the piano. 367 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,332 I don't even know how I let her talk me into buying that thing. 368 00:15:17,408 --> 00:15:21,452 I got a piano in the middle of my floor. I can't get nobody to play. 369 00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:23,871 I'll play! (plays the piano badly) 370 00:15:23,948 --> 00:15:24,997 Shut up! 371 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,457 (groans) 372 00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:29,502 Bernie, Bryana takes piano lessons? 373 00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:32,555 She did before you got here. Oh, come on, man, 374 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,057 you need to let me teach her that. 375 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,643 I... That's something I could do. You? 376 00:15:37,795 --> 00:15:39,562 I know you know I play. 377 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,941 (playing the piano well) 378 00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,320 So you play a little. Hmm. 379 00:15:47,397 --> 00:15:49,814 But Baby Girl need a real teacher. 380 00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:52,316 She's got to get ready for her recital next Friday, 381 00:15:52,393 --> 00:15:54,360 and she ain't no quick study. 382 00:15:54,437 --> 00:15:55,653 Hey, don't worry about that, 383 00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:58,280 'cause I got this. 384 00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:00,792 (playing the piano well) 385 00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:06,005 (Bryana playing poorly) 386 00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,668 Uh, Princess, Princess, oh! 387 00:16:10,745 --> 00:16:13,796 Hey, baby, uh, you know, this song is killing Daddy. 388 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,173 What do you say we have some fun right now? 389 00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:17,183 Okay. 390 00:16:18,961 --> 00:16:21,971 I say get the mall walk, mama. Get the mall walk on. 391 00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:23,514 Yeah, that's it. 392 00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:25,233 Uh-huh. (chuckles) 393 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,436 (scoffs) Nice sweat-suits. 394 00:16:28,512 --> 00:16:30,312 Thanks. My daddy got it for me. 395 00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:31,731 And an outfit for my recital. 396 00:16:31,807 --> 00:16:33,649 Speaking of which, aren't you supposed 397 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,359 to be practicing for your recital? 398 00:16:35,436 --> 00:16:37,695 Oh, now, Vanessa, everybody knows 399 00:16:37,772 --> 00:16:39,405 there's a time for practicing 400 00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:41,365 and a time for shopping. 401 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,742 Isn't that right, Princess? 402 00:16:42,818 --> 00:16:44,201 Right, Daddy. Mm-hmm. 403 00:16:44,278 --> 00:16:45,628 Do the Bobby and Whitney. 404 00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:49,215 (humming) 405 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,094 You been served. 406 00:16:54,288 --> 00:16:56,973 (girl playing piano well) 407 00:17:03,798 --> 00:17:05,139 I don't want to play. 408 00:17:05,216 --> 00:17:07,516 What's wrong, Baby Girl? 409 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:08,809 B, what seems to be the problem, man? 410 00:17:08,886 --> 00:17:10,677 Look, there is no problem. 411 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,938 Look, this girl got music flowing through her blood, man. 412 00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:15,733 I'm a self-taught musician. My daddy played, too. 413 00:17:15,810 --> 00:17:19,278 Man... Look here, sweetheart, don't pay no attention to that. She's much older than you, okay? 414 00:17:19,355 --> 00:17:23,166 WOMAN (over PA system): Please welcome, from the third grade, our next performer, Oliver. 415 00:17:24,702 --> 00:17:27,170 (plays piano well) 416 00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,584 I don't want to play. I'm not going to play. 417 00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:34,919 I knew this was going to happen. 418 00:17:34,995 --> 00:17:36,587 Jordan, you know what to do. 419 00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:38,022 (wheezing) Come on, baby, come on. 420 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:40,299 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. 421 00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:42,109 We're not going anywhere. 422 00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:45,179 We came here to play, and that's what we're going to do. 423 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:48,307 Now, Bryana, I know you're not backing down from a challenge. 424 00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:51,560 How do you know? You've only known me for 11 days. 425 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,312 Okay, I told you... 426 00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:55,940 Look, the world is a mean place, 427 00:17:56,016 --> 00:17:57,274 and if they smell your fear, 428 00:17:57,351 --> 00:17:58,526 it's just going to get meaner, 429 00:17:58,602 --> 00:18:00,194 so you can't let anything 430 00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:01,737 intimidate you, all right? 431 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:05,032 Back in the day, in the concrete jungle, 432 00:18:05,109 --> 00:18:07,576 I was on the ball courts, and I was balling, right, 433 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,504 and this seven-foot dude, he come up to me 434 00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:11,455 and he challenged me in front of everybody. 435 00:18:11,532 --> 00:18:13,374 What'd you do? I was nervous, man, 436 00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:16,710 but you can't let 'em smell your fear on the battlefield. 437 00:18:16,787 --> 00:18:19,130 Because I wasn't acting scared. 438 00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:21,632 My fear? it disappeared. 439 00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:23,175 On the inside... 440 00:18:23,252 --> 00:18:25,645 I was Air Jordan. 441 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,139 You're Alicia Keyes. 442 00:18:28,215 --> 00:18:31,350 I don't know about all that, now... 443 00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:33,903 (applause continues) 444 00:18:35,431 --> 00:18:36,897 Yo, B. Yeah? 445 00:18:36,974 --> 00:18:39,775 Listen, um... back in the day, 446 00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,735 in the concrete jungle, when you was balling? 447 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,028 Mm-hmm? Did you win? 448 00:18:43,105 --> 00:18:45,739 Oh, hell to the no. Man, I stunk. 449 00:18:45,816 --> 00:18:48,576 Thought so. Hey, hey, but I wasn't scared. 450 00:18:48,652 --> 00:18:50,661 And I didn't run away. 451 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,880 That is the point we're trying to make here, right? 452 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,291 Oh, Lord! 453 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,844 (encouraging applause) 454 00:18:59,914 --> 00:19:04,183 (piano music playing badly) 455 00:19:05,386 --> 00:19:07,186 (sound greatly muted) 456 00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:10,472 (Bryana continues playing badly) 457 00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,775 BERNIE: Stop, stop filming, son. 458 00:19:16,847 --> 00:19:18,364 (stops playing) 459 00:19:22,436 --> 00:19:24,871 (scattered applause) 460 00:19:32,029 --> 00:19:34,955 Go, go get her, go get her, baby. Hurry up! 461 00:19:35,032 --> 00:19:36,540 It could've been worse. 462 00:19:36,617 --> 00:19:37,917 Somebody in the audience could have caught 463 00:19:37,993 --> 00:19:39,960 bad-piano-player-itis and died. 464 00:19:40,037 --> 00:19:42,180 -You want me to do something to you? -No. 465 00:19:43,499 --> 00:19:44,807 Hey, Baby Girl. 466 00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,383 Hey, don't worry about it. 467 00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:47,676 You'll get 'em next time. 468 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,637 -Am I right? -That's right. 469 00:19:49,713 --> 00:19:50,846 Can Miss Tyler come back? 470 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,723 I promise I'll practice. 471 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,725 I'll call her first thing tomorrow. 472 00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:58,062 Hey, Princess, you were great up there. 473 00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,488 Hey, look. 474 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,941 I got something for you. 475 00:20:02,017 --> 00:20:03,734 You were supposed to help me practice. 476 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,903 You're the one that wanted to go shopping. 477 00:20:05,980 --> 00:20:06,913 So? 478 00:20:10,025 --> 00:20:13,336 (exhales) She hates me. 479 00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,957 Now you're a real daddy. 480 00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:19,467 Come on, family, let's go. 481 00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:22,586 Come on, baby. 482 00:20:22,663 --> 00:20:24,463 VANESSA: Okay. BERNIE: Y'all hungry? 483 00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:25,923 JORDAN: Me, too. Yeah. 484 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,258 BERNIE: Me, too, man, y'all want to go 485 00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:28,592 to our favorite place? 486 00:20:28,669 --> 00:20:30,895 VANESSA: Yeah. BERNIE: (chuckles) 487 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:35,557 Hey, B! 488 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,101 You coming? Hmm? 489 00:20:37,177 --> 00:20:38,861 Oh, yeah, yeah. I was just thinking, man. 490 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,104 Come on, man. 491 00:20:40,180 --> 00:20:42,606 America, you'll hear Baby Girl 492 00:20:42,683 --> 00:20:44,675 practicing every day like clockwork. 493 00:20:44,752 --> 00:20:47,444 She's learned that when her uncle tells her to do something, 494 00:20:47,521 --> 00:20:49,113 it's for her own good. 495 00:20:49,189 --> 00:20:51,949 Guess I'm doing a good job of raising her daddy, too. 496 00:20:52,026 --> 00:20:52,992 (knocking) Bernie... 497 00:20:53,068 --> 00:20:55,378 What's up, B? Uh... 498 00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:57,296 Is this where the real daddies hang out? 499 00:20:58,582 --> 00:21:02,876 No, no, man, this is where I talk to America by myself. 500 00:21:02,953 --> 00:21:06,297 Ooh, my bad. Uh... do your thing, bro. 501 00:21:06,373 --> 00:21:07,464 Do your thing. 502 00:21:11,211 --> 00:21:13,804 This is going to be a problem, America. 503 00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:16,148 A big problem. 504 00:21:22,806 --> 00:21:24,156 (knocking) 505 00:21:25,559 --> 00:21:28,911 They's coming, Bernie. They's coming. Hides that! 506 00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,779 Hides that! Come on in! 507 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,999 Come on! Come and get 'em! 508 00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:38,296 WOMAN: Okay, Bernie Mac! 509 00:21:39,448 --> 00:21:40,831 Just didn't know who. 510 00:21:40,908 --> 00:21:42,124 It was a family secret, 511 00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:44,335 like Aunt Ruth and Aunt Betty... 512 00:21:44,411 --> 00:21:47,046 Oh, all--all they, uh... 513 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,140 (making nonsense noises) 514 00:21:56,507 --> 00:21:57,440 Captioned by Visual Data 36667

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