Original subtitles

(clattering)

Ooh, hey, hey, the cans.

Oh, baby, chillax, I'll get that.

No, honey, you forgot the cans.

You got to put them out there.

Wanda, it's my birthday.

Honey, the garbage man's not gonna take a day off

'cause you're a year older.

Come on, hurry.

Wanda, this is my birthday!

Okay. Make sure you tell him that.

America...

you'd think with everything I do around here,

on this most special of days, someone else would have

the courtesy to take out the trash.

You would think that.

The Mac Man's birthday shouldn't be spent chasing garbage trucks.

It's a festive occasion.

It should be more like this.

(band playing funky groove)

♪ Dance sucker ♪

♪ Most of all he needs the funk ♪

♪ Most of all he needs the funk ♪

♪ Help him find the funk ♪

♪ Most of all he needs the funk ♪

♪ Help him find the funk ♪

♪ Most of all he needs the funk ♪

♪ Help him find the funk ♪

Is that too much to ask?

(chuckles)

That's what I'm talking about.

Did you know today was my birthday?

Um... yeah. Happy birthday. Did you think

about making me a plate?

Well, I would, but there's no more bacon.

You know what I'm gonna do for you on your birthday?

What? I'm not gonna bother you all day long.

That'll be nice. Yeah,

and all you have to do is drop us off at Limerick Park

for the reggae concert, and I'll be out of your hair.

You mean to tell me you're going to a concert on my birthday, Nessa?

We've had the tickets for months.

It's been my birthday for years,

and I'm not about to spend it on being no chauffeur.

Oh, it's okay, my mom will drive us.

Yeah. Her mom will drive us.

I thought your mom was working.

She is. I'll drive-- I've got my learner's permit.

Mm. Okay.

Look at them kids, running to me with love!

Now, I don't expect nothing

from that little sour girl, the little ingrate.

(chuckles): Now, these two...

come on, give Uncle Bernie some birthday sugar.

(forced laughter)

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday... ♪

Hey, hey, hey! Stop it!

(chuckles) ♪ Happy bir... ♪

Hey, Wanda.

Listen.

Didn't you tell the kids today was my birthday?

Uh, no. I don't know. I mean, why?

They treating me like I got a tail, especially Nessa.

Ooh, could you do me a favor

and grab Bryana's gift that she's taking

to Joey's party? Joey?

Her friend from school-- it's his birthday.

So, honey, could you use the curlicue ribbon?

Sure. It's his birthday.

Anything else?

Yeah, I'm sorry, um...

can you take Bryana to the party?

Oh, stop it.

You hear that, America?

Now I got to take baby girl to some baby's birthday party.

What about me?

What about my presents, my gifts?

I gave them a list of everything I wanted.

Where's my Gayle Sayers throwback jersey, huh?

Where is it?

I expected to be woken up with that and something else.

I would've settled for a back scratch.

I ain't being selfish.

I want mine! I want mine!

(whimpering chuckle)

♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪

(cheering)

You should get a big piece, Uncle Bernie.

It's your birthday, too.

I don't really care for spit cake.

I think you should pass on it, too, okay?

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Mac?

Yeah? I have a little problem.

Did you try whooping him?

(laughs) You. Um, no.

My cousin Johnny was supposed to be the clown,

and I think he put a little bit too much rum in his punch.

Uh-oh, party over. Come on, baby, come on.

No, no, no, no, I hope not.

I was thinking, since you're an entertainer and all,

Yeah? that maybe you could...

Hell no! It ain't gonna happen!

It ain't gonna happen!

Okay. There you go. A dog.

(barks)

No, it's not.

Well, it's a bunny. Do a trick.

How 'bout I make you disappear?

I'll saw you in half, start at the belly,

make you squeal.

(squeals)

Oh, come on, I'm just playing.

You don't like the bunny dog?

I'll make you something else... okay?

They were mean.

They were mean, cake-eating monsters.

Hey, where you going?

I'm going to buy me a present.

I'm going to buy that Gayle Sayers jersey.

I'm going to wear it all day.

Okay, wait. You're right.

This hasn't been a special birthday for you, huh?

Mm-mm.

Well, I was going to give this to you tonight.

What is it? Here.

Buy yourself something pretty.

I could use something pretty, Wanda.

I'm down.

Oh, Wanda, thank you.

It's a gift certificate to Circuit Hut.

A gift certificate!

Didn't even write my name on the line.

She could've found this in the street for all I know...

but I'll take it... 'cause today's my birthday.

Dang.

Dang.

There we go, right there.

Look at me.

Get back.

What? Get back!

No, no, no, no, ma'am... My son is a police officer.

No, no, you don't understand.

(blows whistle) Ma'am, don't do that.

This is my car. I'm trying to tell you some...

It's my birthday.

You see that, America?

I got hair standing up in places

you don't even want to know about...

and it's all Wanda's fault:

making me go down there and pick up my own doggone present.

It's just like ain't nobody got no time for me today.

When everybody get so damn busy, huh?

Been shaking like that ever since I got shocked.

Is my bottom lip shaking?

Stroke.

Hey, Jordan.

What you doing, man? You know better than to be messing with my stuff.

But I need to make a mix CD.

You need to get out of my den. Look at this, man.

You got my happy jam mixed up with my party rap.

Jordan, look at this.

But I'm not done. You're going to be done breathing

if you don't...

Oh... man.

Look at the CDs he's using, y'all.

They're all dance tunes...

and you know where there's dancing?

At a party. A surprise party.

And you know who deserves a surprise party?

Me.

I knew this birthday was too awful to be real.

Scoundrels, the whole lot of 'em, but I love 'em.

It's going to be a happy birthday after all, America.

There's going to be dancing and food and eating...

America, Bernie Mac's not a hard man to please,

but as long as they're giving me a party,

it might as well be a party I'd like to go to.

So, America, I mean,

there's going to be some jolly Guitar Watson,

some James Brown and a little George Clinton...

and a little later on, I could snuggle up with Wanda

with a little Gladys Knight.

All right, Jordan.

Look... when you get done,

I want you to put 'em back right, okay?

Who is George Clinton?

Who is George Clinton?

Man, that's the president of funk.

♪ ♪

Ooh!

Ooh!

I don't want no funk on my CD.

Don't let me tell you no more, man.

Put some "Flashlight" on there.

Get hip.

Uncle Bernie, want to play?

Hey, no, no. Not right now, sweetheart.

Oh, yo, baby girl, have you seen a cake

around here anywhere? Joey's cake?

No, not that slob.

I'm talking about real cake, a good cake.

Have you seen it?

Oh...

Aunt Wanda told you not to tell me where it's at, huh?

I mean it's real big, got frosting, maybe chocolate?

Mmm. Sounds good.

Yeah, it is, too.

Where you going? Hey, hey. Where you going?

To find the cake.

Me, too.

I'm gonna find you, cake. Yes, I will.

Putting it up behind there?

Hey, hey, how you doing?

I'm just straightening up.

Well, obviously, you're bored, honey.

I have an idea. What?

Why don't we take you to dinner for your birthday?

Me? Mm-hmm.

All right, if you want to make a fuss.

It's no fuss.

The kids want to go to Jungle Garden.

Okay, cool.

Jungle Garden? Please, America.

Like I don't know what she's trying to do.

See, she's trying to throw me off the scent.

She's going to change up on me at the last minute

and then we'll end up at Morton's.

Now, Morton's-- that's a party place.

Oh, what... something on my suit?

Uh, no, no, it-it's just, um...

You look great, um...

It's just Jungle Garden.

So? People dress up all the time at Jungle Garden.

They might be old, but they be dressed up.

So, where's Nessa?

Oh, she went to the concert, remember?

And so she's going to catch up to us at the restaurant,

if she can.

Oh, she's going to try to catch up with us later, if she can?

Mm-hmm. Or better yet,

she already might be there when we get there, right?

Oh, ponder that.

I will...

ponder that.

Hey, honey, you passed it. It's back there.

Yeah, Morton's just a few miles ahead.

What are you talking about? We're going to Jungle Garden.

Jungle Garden! Jungle Garden!

Jungle Garden! Jungle Garden!

Jungle Garden! Jungle Garden!

So, the party's at Jungle Garden?

Well, that's okay.

I mean, I wouldn't have picked it,

but they must have a back room.

I mean, big, private.

So, I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to flow with it.

Hell, I'll even act surprised.

Surprise!

(gasping)

(panting)

Surprise!

(gasping and panting)

(gasps)

(chuckles)

(jungle music playing, thunder crashing)

(thunder crashing)

Isn't there a back room you want to take us to?

Uh, there's an employee lunchroom,

(whispers): but it's for employees.

This'll be fine.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

What's wrong, honey? Do you see a better table?

Yeah, at Morton's.

Oh, baby, have a seat. Come on.

♪ It's your Jungle Garden birthday! ♪

Look, Uncle Bernie, there's a cake.

Oh, I see it.

♪ And the elephant says... ♪

SERVERS: Whoo!

♪ It's your Jungle Garden birthday ♪

♪ And the elephant says... ♪

SERVERS: Whoo!

♪ Which means it's your Jungle Garden birthday ♪

♪ And the monkey says.... ♪

I got to use the restroom.

Okay.

♪ Which means it's ♪

♪ Your Jungle Garden birthday ♪

♪ And the tiger says... ♪

Ow! (servers roaring)

Worst birthday of all birthdays.

Excuse me, sweetheart.

And... ah, private room.

Okay, Wanda, you almost got me, baby.

Oh, hell!

Yo, yo, yo.

(knocking) Yo!

Anybody!

MAN: Can't get in that way.

I tried.

(knocking) Hey!

Let me in!

Hello?!

Yeah.

You would think on my birthday they would notice

I was missing from the table for 25 minutes.

Huh! Shows you how important I am to my family.

Happy Birthday, Bernie.

This is some bull.

Did you all stop breathing?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Hap... ♪ (turns radio off)

Seriously, Karen, I have to get home.

If I'm not home by 7:00, I'm in big trouble.

Relax, Vanessa. We'll go in a minute.

Yo, Karen, want a beer?

Hey, thanks, Anton.

Yeah. Call me later.

Are you crazy? You can't drink this.

You have to drive me home.

It's one beer, and it's not like

it's going to make a difference.

Do you think Anton's cute?

I haven't had any beers.

(phone rings)

Mac.

Where are you?

Well, I guess I have to, don't I, Nessa?

Hang on.

Shoot.

I've got to pick Nessa up...

on my birthday.

Might as well wear the hat.

The girl turned me into a chauffeur, after all.

Uncle Bernie, I'm sorry, but...

Just be quiet, Nessa.

Please.

Matter of fact, all of you.

I don't want to hear nothing.

I just want to hear silence.

One day out of the year. One day out of the year!

I make my life about you all every day.

Is it too much to expect for you all

to think about me for one day?

Honey...

Oh, honey nothing.

I'm half electrocuted, locked in the alley with a bum.

I'm going to remember this, baby.

I'm going to remember this.

Baby girl, your birthday next.

Huh! Gonna lose a tooth?

Hmm! Hmm! Little fairy! Hmm!

Your chauffeur off duty, Nessa.

Now leave me alone.

I don't even want to look at you.

Bernie? Bernie, wait.

You told me not to make a big deal.

This is code, Wanda, birthday code.

That means whoop it up.

Who don't want a big deal made out of they birthday?

Now you just tell me who, baby?

CROWD: Surprise!

(cheering, music playing)

I knew it the whole time.

Oh, please! Happy birthday.

You don't sound like you mean it.

I love you, but I am never giving you another surprise party.

Thee you later.

Oh! Come on, baby, come on.

(funky music playing)

Whoo!

(clapping rhythmically)

What's up, man?

Chuy! What's up, boy?

What's up, man?

(music drowning out conversation)

♪ Flash light ♪

♪ Red light ♪

♪ Neon light ♪

♪ Spot light ♪

♪ Now I lay me down to sleep ♪

(chuckles): Yeah, man, we thought

you could use a new poker set, dawg.

You know, since we kind of wore out the last one.

(laughs)

Shoot, you all wore out my sofa, too,

with your all big asses.

Oh... I don't see you all buying me a new sofa.

(laughing) W.B.: Not going to happen.

I've got to do something else right quick.

Hold this for me? Oh, yeah.

Okay.

(whispers): Hey.

Baby, you really got me.

Is that your way of saying "I'm sorry"?

Nope.

This is my way of saying I'm sorry.

Come here.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Bernie.

Happy Birthday.

I put "Flashlight" on there three times.

Oh, man, thank you, Holmes.

And I told Aunt Wanda what kind of cake you wanted.

But I put marshmallows on it.

Did you? Oh, thank you, baby girl.

Hey, now go on. Scoot.

Here.

Oh, okay.

This time for real.

(giggles)

Grab that box, baby.

Oh, baby.

Oh, the Gayle Sayers throwback I wanted.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Ooh! Don't thank me, but I'll take that.

Here, read the card.

Okay.

(muttering) Oh, "Happy Birthday..."

Nessa?

She saved for it.

Where is she?

In her room.

(knock at door) I gotta go.

Nessa, I don't know what to say, girl.

I'm shocked. This is special.

It's the home jersey.

You think I don't know?

I love it.

(sighs)

I knew I shouldn't have yelled at you,

but I thought you was ignoring me.

And then you didn't show up to my dinner.

I tried, but Karen wouldn't drive me.

I thought you said her mom was going to drive you, Nessa.

No, Karen drove.

But she had a beer at the park,

and you always told me not to get in a car

with somebody who'd been drinking.

(chuckles)

So, you're not mad at me?

Yeah, I'm mad at you.

Well, why are you smiling?

Because she listened to me, America.

That's maybe the best birthday present after all.

That and this jersey.

And that party in there.

Listen to them, America.

♪ Flash light ♪

People care about me.

Yeah.

Sure, they tried to play me today,

but that was just to throw me off the scent.

The important thing is,

my family didn't forget about me after all, America.

♪ Flash light ♪

I got to go.

Listen.

They're singing my song.

♪ Get some, yeah ♪

Hey!

Nobody better blow out my candles but me!

♪ Red light ♪

♪ Neon light ♪

♪ Spot light ♪

Yeah!

There he is.

(cheering)

There he is.

Let's get this party started.

What's up, you L-7s? You L-7s!

MAN: Isn't that, sweet?

Here you go, Mac.

What?

Your mama's a man!

Captioned by VISUAL DATA