Original subtitles

I want to hold it.

I'm holding it. I'm in the middle.

Give it to me.

Let go.

Give!

Bryana, would you two stop it?

Jordan's holding the bowl.

You happy now?

Now nobody can have it.

Now why did you do that?

Pick it up.

Hey, hey, hey. What's going on up in here?

Jordan spilled the popcorn on purpose so I couldn't have any.

Boy, go in there and get a broom and clean this mess up.

I don't want to hear it. But I didn't...

Get in there and get it.

Whatever happened to free speech?

It's on the back of my hand.

You want to see it?

That's all right, Uncle Bernie.

I'll make us some more popcorn in the microwave.

Aw, thank you, Baby Girl.

Be careful. (popcorn crunching)

Look at that.

I wish I had 12 of them.

She's heaven-sent.

It wasn't Jordan's fault.

Bryana did it.

One thing I can't stand worse than a liar

is a stool pigeon.

But Bryana was being a brat

and she's got you wrapped around her little finger.

Ain't nobody got me wrapped around nothing.

Of course you'd say that.

You're in denial.

Denial?

I ain't in denial!

I'll tell you what this is all about.

See, Nessa's 15.

She comes home, she spends all her time watching Dr. Phil.

Figures she know every damn thing.

The truth is, she's jealous.

And jealous is a devil's lighter fluid

sprayed on the flames of contempt.

Am I right, Lord?

Ha-ha, my main man Lord said I'm right.

Hey, Vanessa, is that a new watch?

Yeah, I bought it with my babysitting money.

It's kind of sharp. Does it glow?

Oh... No.

Ooh, can I wear it to Jenny's birthday party on Saturday?

No.

WANDA: Jordan, sweetie, the polite thing to do

is to ask if anyone wants any more.

Anybody want any more?

No? Good.

BERNIE: Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'll cut your wrists off and wear it for a key chain.

Would you like some more cake, Baby Girl?

Nope.

Okay.

A whole rose. Score!

BRYANA: Wait.

I want some.

Put it back.

Here you go.

Ugh...

Are you going to stand there

and tell me you don't spoil that girl?

I don't spoil her, baby.

I reward her because she's good.

She's pure, wholesome.

She's gold to the eye.

She's fire in the cold.

She's food to the belly.

That girl just got a lead in the school play.

The other two? Ha! You've got to watch them.

Well, all I know is

she did not want a piece of cake until Jordan had it.

Let me tell you something:

First of all, that boy must learn how to share.

Let me ask you a question:

What if it's wartime

and all we had to eat was a triple-layer,

double-fudge chocolate cake?

Who eats cake at wartime?

French people, baby.

Look it up.

What are you doing?

I can't find my watch.

Okay, so where's the last place you remember seeing it?

I don't know.

It wasn't in my room so it must have fallen off.

Okay.

Uh, fix that the way it was.

(door closing)

Hey, baby. Hey, there you are.

What took you so long?

Baby, that mall was packed. Oh.

Can we eat now? I'm starving like Marvin.

One second.

Did you guys get a present to take to the birthday party?

Shoot, Baby Girl couldn't find anything she wanted.

But Uncle Bernie bought me a guinea pig.

A guinea pig?

Cool.

Want to see him, Aunt Wanda?

No...

What? What's wrong, baby?

What are we going to name him?

None-ya.

Like none ya business.

(laughing) That's pretty good, Baby Girl.

That's funny... None-ya.

Wanda, Baby Girl was the best doggone flower

on that stage, I'm telling you.

Don't you think so?

If you don't watch it, we might have an actress on our hands.

Honey, I don't know what performance you saw

but Bryana forgot her lines three times.

She ain't forgot no lines.

They call that dramatic pause, woman.

Oh, they do?

Mr. and Mrs. Mac? Yeah?

I'm so glad I caught you.

I was hoping to speak to you

about the notes I've sent home.

We never got any notes.

Uh-uh.

I see.

Well, to begin with, Bryana's been very unfocused.

But there's a bigger issue.

The way she's been expressing herself of late

has been eliciting some very negative responses

from her classmates.

Negative responses?

That might be the wrong way to put it.

Yeah.

It's more like hatred.

Come on, lady.

I mean, who in the heck can hate Baby Girl?

I told you, $12 for the watch

and you only gave me ten.

But that's all I could get.

You take me for a fool?

Move it.

Bryana.

Little ungrateful brat!

She stole from my house, and from her own kin!

And I know she didn't forget her lines either.

She was a terrible flower.

Little dandelion.

I popped a vein, and this one ain't going back in either.

It's jumping.

Sweetheart, why don't you go in the house for a while?

I want to talk to Bryana alone.

Okay, honey.

Does Uncle Bernie know?

Yeah. He's out in the car with her right now.

This is going to be good.

Bryana, I'm not going

to make this too heavy, okay?

But I'm going to start off by reciting the Ten Commandments.

He's got to give her a whupping.

Unless she has a direct line to God.

Thou shall not kill.

And that's the only reason you breathing right now.

Bryana, you've got to be punished.

We're going to start off

by you not going to that party Saturday.

Do you understand me? Yes.

Now you go on in the house, and you think about that.

Get!

Well, she's moping,

but she's not bleeding or limping or anything.

He didn't spank her.

I'd give a million bucks

to find out how she did that.

Over and out.

Over and out.

Okay.

There you go.

Oops, sorry.

Ooh.

Shoot.

Oh, there you go.

It's going in one end and out the other, huh?

Can I say something to you

and you promise not to get mad?

Sure, you can say something.

I won't get mad.

I think we should take Bryana to see someone.

What you mean, like a psychiatrist?

No, like a therapist.

Somebody who specializes in children.

Ain't nothing wrong with baby girl.

She's just acting up.

Right, she's also lying and she's stealing,

and she's doing things that we've never seen before,

and I just want to make sure that we handle this right.

Wanda, I can handle it.

Honey, I think if she has a problem, sweetie,

there is no shame in seeking help.

Wanda, you see she didn't go to the party.

You saw I disciplined her, right?

Yeah, you did.

Hey, hey.

Sweetie, we already have cereal.

Not this kind.

Well, honey, we don't need this.

But I want it.

You heard what your Aunt Wanda said.

Now put this back where you found it.

(Bryana screaming)

(crying)

It's okay.

(crying continues)

Get up.

Honey, that's her arm.

I want ice cream.

Not the way you've been acting.

I want ice cream now!

Now! I want ice cream! Now!

I want ice cream now! Now!

Now! Baby, hold this, hold this.

I want ice cream now!

BRYANA: I don't want to go to bed!

Aunt Wanda! Uncle Bernie!

I don't want to go to bed!

I don't want to go to bed!

I don't want to go to bed!

I don't want to go to bed!

She's lying, she's stealing.

It's all new behavior.

Stealing?

Perhaps I shouldn't have left her alone in my office?

(laughs): I'm joking.

I'm sorry.

I sometimes try and use humor to break the tension,

and since you're a comedian I thought

you would appreciate that. That was ill-placed.

This is some bull.

I knew I shouldn't have came here.

Mr. Mac, Bryana wants to push you away before you leave her.

That's qwazy.

Leave her where?

Your sister's interactions with Bryana

were colored by her drug usage.

Sometimes she was loving and engaged

and other times she was emotionally unavailable.

Bryana never knew which mother she was going to get.

Sister Doctor, let me tell you something, okay?

Baby Girl been with me for two years, and I have not changed.

So, okay,

she's misbehaving to push us away

which, in her mind, means that we're unavailable,

which is the pattern.

Wow, so wait. I'm understanding this.

I don't, and my head is spinning!

And I'll tell you another thing.

All that talk is just somebody's theory.

I have my own theories of my own.

Bernie Mac is old school, and the only thing I need,

the only person I need, is the Lord, right, Lord?

You'll make baby girl all right, won't you?

Huh.

Tell me.

Lord, if you do, I'll give up cigars.

Sacrifice.

Baby Girl, you know I love you?

I know.

And Uncle Bernie ain't going nowhere.

Uh-huh.

Go to sleep.

And, all of a sudden, baby,

she held me like that, you know?

And I looked at her and I said,

"Baby girl, Uncle Bernie ain't going nowhere."

And I think that's all she needed--

to really hear me say that.

Say it out loud, you know?

There you go, Poopie.

"Poopie"? That's a nasty name.

Well, that's what Bryana named him,

and that's all she's done.

Maybe she'll take care of this poor thing.

If it wasn't for me, he'd be dead by now.

Where is she anyway?

Oh, well... She's outside playing.

Wow. Now, that's the baby girl I remember.

Look at that.

Laughing and playing and throwing rock...

Who's she throwing rocks at?

JORDAN: Ow!

Walk it off, boy!

Man up!

Honey, don't yell.

It disturbs Poopie.

I'll be right back, baby.

Be right back.

So you feel confident that she felt

you were a constant in her life?

Yeah, I feel confident.

I mean, now that the boy is back.

He's a little swollen...

Look, Doc, I knew I shouldn't have came here.

I knew it was some bull.

The important thing for you

to remember, Mr. Mac,

is that this process is going to take a while.

How long you talking about?

It's hard to say.

I've seen these types of cases

taking months, even years.

Years?! Yes, years.

You heard that. "Take years."

I didn't want to take baby girl to this woman to begin with.

Now I don't know what to do with her.

I'm supposed to raise this girl, and she ain't right in the head?

Y'all seen it.

What am I going to do now?

What am I going to do now?

Can you spend the day with us, Aunt Wanda?

Jordan was crying because he needed his medicine.

Sometimes Jordan cries when he doesn't get his medicine.

I'm sorry I broke your record.

You told me not to touch it. I touch...

You see that?

That's the baby girl I knew.

So cute and good.

Now I got one of them damn Children of the Corn kids.

Poopie Doop, look what Aunt Wanda bought you

from the pet store.

(gasps)

Oh, no.

Poopie!

Here, Poopie!

Poopie?

Poopie!

Oh, Poopie!

Poopie!

Poopie?

Hey, hey, Vanessa.

Have you seen Poopie?

No.

Uh... What are you doing?

I'm locking up all my stuff.

My little sister is a thief.

Get your shoes off the bed.

Poopie!

Poopie!

Here, Poopie!

Poopie!

Vanessa, is Aunt Wanda looking for Bryana's guinea pig?

Yep.

I can't believe Bryana got to her, too.

(sighs)

Here, Poopie!

Poopie!

Hey, honey, have you seen Poopie?

He's not in his cage.

There's a rat running around my house?

Honey, he's not a rat. He's a defenseless little thing,

and he's got to be around here somewhere.

Poopie!

Here, Poopie!

Okay, baby?

You can't do this.

I know that you're a little depressed about Bryana,

but honey, you have to get off the couch.

You got to do something physical,

like help me look for Poopie.

Poopie!

Hello?

Hello!

Ugh! Let me get my shoes, and look outside.

Poopie!

(sighs, moans)

Who are you?

What you mean, who am I?

You don't recognize me?

Uh-uh.

It's me. Bryana.

Bryana?

What happened to you?

Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?

I grew up.

Damn.

(cell phone rings) Excuse me.

Hello.

Well, hello, Jared.

Long time no see.

Jared? Who the hell is Jared?

Keep it down, Bigfoot.

I'm on the phone. Thank you.

Bigfoot?

What's up, baby?

Oh, no, no, no. That's just my uncle babbling on.

Mm-hmm. That man is in love

with the sound of his own voice.

(laughing)

I know! I know, I know.

But I don't think they make a cork that big, honey.

What? Oh, yeah.

I'm free tonight.

No, you ain't. You grounded.

Oh, wait. I'm grounded.

Okay, cool. So I'll see you at 7:00.

Yeah. Ooh! Okay.

Bad. (laughs) Whoo!

Girl, you ain't going nowhere.

Whatever. Toss me your car keys.

I'm going to get some cigarettes.

Whoa.

America, is that you?

I wasn't sure.

All that psychobabble had my mind kind of clouded.

But my mind is clear now, America.

See, dreams come from the subconscious,

and the subconscious doesn't lie.

I just saw the future with Baby Girl,

and I'm going to tell you something, America.

It suck, and it suck real bad.

Bernie Mac doesn't need no therapist telling me what to do.

Oh, no. I know how to raise that girl.

Oh, yeah. Because the Mac is back.

Uh-huh. I'm through with this topic.

The Mac is back.

Hey, what did you do that for?

Because I want you to go to your room

for throwing rocks at your brother.

I don't want to go to my room.

Did I ask you what you wanted.

or did I tell you to do something?

I didn't do it.

Do what?

Whatever it is you're mad about.

I'm not mad about anything.

I'm just trying to figure out, if you wasn't too busy,

maybe I'd take y'all to the mall.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing wrong with me. I just want

to spend a little time with you two, that's it.

Hey, baby, what's wrong with you?

You look sick.

It's Poopie.

He must have got out of the house,

and Mrs. Jackson's cat got him.

Oh, wow. How you doing?

It's pretty bad. How bad?

Dead. Damn.

She brought him over in a Ziploc freezer bag.

Uh-oh. His ear was missing.

Hate to hear that.

I'm getting ready to take the kids to the mall.

Maybe I'll pick you up another one. No. I don't want another damn guinea pig.

I just got attached to that one.

Okay. If you say so.

If you do get another one,

could you make sure that he's nice, fat and furry?

Sure. Okay.

With a little white around his little butt, okay?

You bet. I'll check his ass.

But if it isn't, I don't want him.

Okay.

Look, Uncle Bernie. I'm a ballerina.

Baby Girl, what you doing out your room?

I want to come to the mall with you, too.

You can't. You're being punished.

Don't you love me, Uncle Bernie?

Yeah, I love you a lot.

Good. Then I'm still your baby girl.

Baby Girl, I'm not playing.

Now go back to your room.

I hate you!

You and a whole bunch of people.

Now get back in your room.

Don't worry, Uncle Bernie.

It's just a phase.

It'll pass.

You still want to go to the mall?

Or you want to go to your room, too?

Don't cry for me.

Cry, baby, cry.

Put your hand on your hip,

and make your backbone slip.

That was nice-- Nessa trying to help.

But, see, America, the problem is we're not equals.

I'm the parent.

And that's what Baby Girl needed to know.

And I'm always going to be the parent,

at least for the next 12 years.

Oh, Lord, that's a bunch of bull.

I'll be...

50-something.

Oh, sweetie, we already have cereal.

Not this kind.

Okay, but we don't need this.

But I want it.

Don't say that back to your Aunt Wanda.

You put this cereal back where you found it.

(Bryana screaming)

You get your punk-ass up!

(laughter)

Captioned by VISUAL DATA