Original subtitles

Oh, man, why you just now calling now?

Damn, that's some bull, man.

I'm sorry, man.

I don't mean to be hollering at you, man,

but you wait so doggone last minute, man.

Don't make no doggone sense.

Oh, Lord, Flava Flav looking dead at me

with his no-golf-playing ass.

Hang up, Chuy.

No, hang up.

Man, I'm telling you.

Oh, my God.

Man, don't look over there, man. Flava Flav over there.

Why not?

Chuy just called, say he can't make it.

You know, if he find out, he gonna want to be our fourth.

Is he coming?

Yeah, here he come. Here he come.

How close is he?

Oh, he real close, dawg.

He real close. Look here, look here.

When he get here, man, don't nobody like rap.

We can't stand it, man.

We like country.

Hey, don't get me wrong, America.

Bernie Mac ain't no snob.

You can't be friends with everybody.

You got to have the right chemistry.

You know how it is.

That's why y'all be checking your caller I.D. on your phone.

Who that? Who that?

Oh. Oh, yeah, I missed three calls.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just... I'm just real.

Hey, Smitty, I just need some balls, baby.

I'm going to hit a few.

There you go, Lynette.

Thank you, Poo.

Yo, man, this lady looks like she could play.

Excuse me, sister.

You think you might be interested in a fourth?

Am I interested? Yeah?

Wait a minute. Bernie Mac needs a fourth, and he asked me?

Hell, yeah, I'm interested.

Let's do it.

Yo, Bernie Mac, what's up, man? You need a fourth, G?

No, no. I'm playing my girl, uh...

Lynette. Yeah. Yeah.

Lynette? What's up, Lynette?

Flava's my name.

Oh. I almost didn't recognize you without your clock.

(laughing): She's funny, Bernie, man.

Just like you, G.

Yeah, yeah, man. We got to go, Flav.

Come on, baby. See you, Flav.

All right, man. Yeah, later, Flav.

But we could be five.

Yo, Bernie, we could be five, G.

Aw, man.

(groans)

Damn, y'all... y'all smell that?

What? What?

Oh, I'm sorry, baby,

(sniffs): ...but that was your putt.

(both chuckling)

Okay, we don't, you know,

we don't really talk trash while we play.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby. You sensitive?

Okay, well, when you start playing,

I'll stop talking trash.

Hey, my brother, seems like she got you.

(laughing) I ain't saying nothing.

(all chuckling)

Here's the thing.

This is what y'all don't understand.

You know, I could do the same thing

if I had a fancy putter like that.

Panther 5690.

Wow, that's kind of nice.

Let me check that out.

Move.

You don't mind, do you? Let me see what you got.

Okay.

Shoot, this thing got a nice balance, man.

Uh-huh.

Let's see about this here.

See what's going on.

(all exclaim)

Come on, man.

(all chuckling)

Shoot, I'll get me one of these, baby.

No, no, no. I can get you one for free.

Is that right? My company makes these.

You think you can get another one?

I probably could, W.B.,

but which King of Comedy were you again?

(laughing)

Hey.

I'm getting ready to do laundry,

so get your dirty clothes together, okay?

Okay, Aunt Wanda.

What is that you're hiding?

Nothing.

This is the blankie Uncle Bernie took from you.

Where'd you get it? Nowhere.

Why don't I just tell Uncle Bernie,

and he can bring it back to nowhere.

So what? I can get it again.

I know where he puts all our stuff.

Even my cherry bombs? You've got to take me there.

All right, well, girl, just give me a call.

I will show you all the ladies' golf wear.

Okay. It's fabulous.

What's up, Nette? What you doing here?

Hey, Bernie. I brought your golf club.

Wow! Thank you, sweetheart.

Lynette was telling me how you guys met

on the golf course this weekend.

Yeah, she beat W.B. and Kelly.

And... That last shot's debatable.

They still talking about it.

The fellas in the back right now.

Matter of fact, come on say hi to them.

Hold that. Okay.

Nice meeting you, Wanda.

The same. All right, sister.

You want to play some? Oh, please.

America, did you see how she hit it off with my baby, Wanda?

That's what I'm talking about.

See, she's the kind of person you want to be your buddy.

She's funny and she fit right in.

And you know something, America?

It's hard to make friends when you're grown.

I'm gonna tell you, it's hard.

When's the last time you made new friends?

I think the last time I made friends was, uh, 1978.

His name was Chauncey. Yeah. Yeah.

(chuckles)

This is sweet.

She good people.

Oh! What is that? (all groaning)

What is that? Again!

Hey, I told you she was lucky.

Oh, now, come on. Come on, Kelly.

Don't put it on luck.

Just like I whupped you in golf,

I will whup you in tennis, I will whup you in air hockey,

I will whup you in tiddlywinks.

Tiddlywinks.

(all laughing)

I heard that.

So, Nette, what you're saying,

dominoes, you'd put a hurting on him, huh?

Dominoes? Bernie, I invented dominoes.

Player, look.

If y'all want to play dominoes,

put your money on the table.

Put your money on the table.

Dominoes?

Now, they know...

Y'all that's my territory.

We talking about dominoes?

You better ask somebody...

Hey, hey, W.B., don't let me take your money

and put it in a trophy case next to your pride.

KELLY: Oh! Oh!

Trash-talking machine right here.

That's 'cause I'm confident, player.

But a little luck ain't never hurt nobody.

(all laughing)

W.B.: Rubbing the head.

KELLY: Watch it.

Getting me a little excited, rubbing my head like that.

LYNETTE: Oh, boy, stop playing.

(all talking, laughing)

This is great.

My whistle.

My Chinese yo-yo.

My Click-Clacks.

(loud clacking)

I don't know why Uncle Bernie took these from me.

Shh! We'll get caught.

This is our little secret, huh?

(talking, laughing in other room)

Hey, honey.

Look what Lynette sent.

Ooh.

Oh, hi, Lynette. Hey, Wanda.

I-I didn't know you were here.

Wanda got stuff, too?

Look, can a brother at least just get a hat?

Of course you get a hat, W.B.

Look, go down to Club and Drivers,

the Racket Shack,

or Haven Sporting Goods.

Fabulous selection.

W.B.'s always trying to get the hookup.

Remember, honey,

when Jordan was selling that candy for two dollars a bar,

and he ate $20 worth and trying not to pay?

I don't remember that.

Well, yeah.

I don't see what that got to do with anything.

What that got to do with anything

is your ass is cheap.

If I check your wallet right now,

I'm going to get some lint and tumbleweed.

(all laughing)

"Lint and tumbleweed."

"Lint and tumbleweed."

She a trip, man.

That's what I was trying to say.

That Lynette is a sweetheart.

Did you see her bail my baby out

when her story got a little fuzzy?

Poor baby.

Now that right there, America, is a buddy.

Huh. Lynette good people.

Good morning, little people.

Hey, honey, do you have any plans tonight?

Mmm. Uh-uh. Nothing. Why?

Good. I thought that we could go-- oh, thanks, honey--

that we could go dancing.

What?! Dancing?

You know dancing's changed.

We ain't been dancing since, uh, I don't know.

That's what I mean.

Come on, let's do our thing.

Honey, we do our thing every day.

It'll be fun.

Come on, I haven't had fun in a while.

I know you have your friends to have fun with and all,

but I would like to have fun with my man.

All right, baby, I'll dance.

Give me some.

Have a good day.

All right.

What are you two doing?

We just found our stuff.

Uncle Bernie hid it, but we got it back.

Pineapple-mango lip gloss with jojoba for softness.

My lip gloss?

I had this in my book bag.

When did he find it?

I don't know, but there it is.

What else is in here?

(loud music playing)

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

No, excuse me.

I mean, damn, I'm standing here.

I said excuse me, lady.

"Excuse me" ain't gonna make my feet feel any better

just 'cause you Bernie Mac.

What? Hey, sign this for my mama.

I'll say holler.

Holler!

Hey, thank you, honey.

You're welcome, baby.

You having fun?

Yeah. You having fun?

Baby, I...

I'm ready to go.

Honey, we haven't danced yet.

Dance where, Wanda? We can't see the dance floor.

And, I swear, if somebody step on my foot one more time,

I'm telling you we're gonna be on the news.

There's gonna be a discrepancy up in here.

Okay, well, let's go listen to some jazz.

Wanda, baby, we got jazz at the house.

I'm tired.

Okay, um, let me just finish my drink.

All right, finish our drink.

I said I wasn't upset.

You slammed that door pretty hard, baby.

You know, I'm going to check on the kids.

I'm going to check with you.

Jordan, what are you doing out of bed?

Man, what you doing to your sister, man?

I was checking on her.

You going to need somebody to check on you

if you don't get your little self back in bed.

Is it wrong to care?

(yelps)

BERNIE: Hey, baby, we got a message.

LYNETTE (on machine): Bernie Mac.

I scored five tickets

to the Friday's Bulls-Lakers game, player.

Floor seats.

Now get ready to run 'cause I plan on trippin' somebody up.

Let me know in the morning. Holler.

(chuckling)

Um, you ain't planning on going dancing tomorrow, now, are you?

No. Go to the game.

Thanks, baby.

Floor seats.

You know, that's special.

You still have fun with me, don't you?

Huh?

I mean, yeah.

I mean... come on.

I just didn't feel like dancing tonight, that's all.

Just answer me.

Am I still fun?

Come on now, Wanda,

what's this all about?

I know this ain't about Lynette and I, is it?

No. Lynette's cool people.

I like her a lot.

I was going to say,

'cause you know she like a play cousin to me,

now, you know that, right? You know that.

Yeah, I know that.

Did you see that, America?

My baby gave me her back.

America, I think I got a problem.

What you think, Dr. Phil?

Well, I'll tell you what, Slick.

What am I going to do with you?

You're a man in a relationship with a woman.

That means, if she's got a problem,

you got a big problem.

I know that's right, I know that,

but we could work it out.

I think I'll deal with it after the game,

don't you think?

Look, Lassie could figure this out.

You need to talk to her before the game,

don't you think?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How much I owe you?

How much you got?

Hey, Wanda? Yeah?

Let's talk. Okay, let's talk.

What's going on with you, baby?

Ah! That's not how you start a talk.

You trying to change the subject?

What's the subject?

Do you want to talk to me or not?

I want to talk about whatever you want to talk about.

Women! That's why men don't like to talk to y'all.

All that back and forth.

Took me forever.

Make me itch.

It just seems like

she makes you guys laugh so hard.

She's funny.

I'm funny, too. What?

What I'm trying to say is...

I've always associated you hanging out with your friends

as... guy time.

Okay.

So, when you made Lynette a part of that,

that just... didn't sit too well with me,

and it made me feel a little left out.

Baby, let me tell you something.

You're my queen bee, and they're my friends.

When I'm done with them, I come home to you

because you're part of me.

And that's straight from my heart.

You're so mushy.

Come here.

You see that, America?

That's black love.

We just had to talk.

Communicate.

Now my baby's cool, cool as a fan.

And I can keep my friend-- problem solved, easy, discussed.

You open up your heart, share.

(chuckling)

Black love.

Hey, hey, you can laugh,

but you still got a problem.

Man, shut up.

You don't know every doggone thing.

Well, I know no woman likes another hen in her henhouse.

Well, how the heck you going to the game?

Oh, I didn't tell my wife about Lynette.

I know better.

I told her a friend of yours invited us-- Pete.

(laughter)

Come on, man, you see, women are crazy, man.

That's why I can't have a steady relationship.

(falsetto): Player!

I thought it because nobody wanted you.

Hold up. No.

I'm sure it's because nobody want you.

Yeah, whatever.

BERNIE: But he is right, though, man.

Women are crazy, man, but that ain't why

you can't have no steady relationship.

What you talking about?

I ain't talking about nothing, but it's all

on the bathroom wall.

(laughter)

Hey, kids, you want to put that up

and go wash your hands and get ready for dinner, okay?

Hey, where's Vanessa?

She's at the mall with her stupid friends.

Ew! What is your problem?

I just wanted to show Uncle Bernie

how much I love my big sister.

I love her.

Well, do it again, and I'm going to pop you in the mouth.

That boy is too doggone attached to his sister.

That's unnatural, baby-- like a freak.

Getting ready for the game?

Yeah. We cool, right?

Everything's cool.

All right.

Out in the open, in the clear.

Go to the game; have a good time.

Thanks, baby.

Hey, which one you think, the red or the black one?

The red one.

Me, too.

Mm-hmm. I mean, it is five seats on the floor

with good old Lynette.

Who could pass that up?

I was on my way out!

Shouldn't have said nothing!

I'm a sorry fool's.

I'm so just disgusted I don't know what to do.

Bernie, you know you don't have to stay here.

You can go to the game.

Come on.

Hey, we were just in the basement,

and our box is gone.

Where is it?

There is no more box--

at least not until you get your act together.

What?

Come in. We need to talk.

Look, Jordan, I don't know what...

Shut up! Just shut up!

You two are going to shut up,

and you're going to listen.

Put the juice box down!

Juice boxes

are for careful people.

You two are reckless, and you two are careless,

and, until you get your act together,

you can forget about the box.

I lost my precious stuff once,

and I'm not going to lose it again.

Just because you want to sleep with your blankie,

and you want to walk around

looking like Miss Juicy Lucy Lips--

uh-uh, I'm not having it.

Why do you get to keep your stuff?

Because I am careful.

Ow!

Way to be careful, idiot.

But you can't tell, because if you do...

If I go down, we all go down.

Hey! Ow! It was an accident!

So what?

That's what you get, Mr. Careful.

Shut up!

Just shut up! That's it.

You're dead. (screaming)

Ow! Get off!

I wonder if they feel bad

when they get substituted like that.

I know I would.

Mmm.

Isn't that W.B. and Kelly?

I'll be dang-- Chuy, Lynette and Flava.

What the heck Flava doing there?

That's my ticket!

This is some bull!

Man, I'm telling you,

how in the hell did Flav get to make it to the game

with my friends?!

I swear, America, I swear, he's always horning in!

Justice, America.

Looks like your friends

went out and got themselves a new friend.

How's that make you feel, there, buddy?

It makes me feel left out.

Yeah? Like who?

Like Wanda.

Damn, Doc, you good.

You're just now figuring that out?

You a trip.

Am I driving you crazy

by asking you all these questions about the game?

No, baby.

You can ask me any question you want.

I'm cool.

Actually, I'm a visual kind of person,

so, how about we take it outside and you show me?

(chortling) What you call that?

Huh?

I think

you struggling.

You struggle on that. Ooh!

(chortling)

Get that, get that.

Go in there, go in there.

Come on, baby.

You ready? You ready?

What?

I ain't going to be responsible if you break a nail.

What you got?

Senior citizen, senior citizen.

What you doing? What's that right there?

Whoo! Oh! What you...?

It's the cha-cha defense.

Can you handle it?

Oh!

(clattering)

Baby, look there. What?

Look at what they doing.

What are they doing? Come on.

What y'all doing?

ALL: Nothing.

What in your hand, Jordan?

You all up in here doing dirt.

You two, look at me.

What happened to your faces?

(all yelling)

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What you say?

You said, "Jordan hit me with some Click-Clacks"?

Where you get the Click-Clacks from, Jordan?

I found them in a box in the basement.

I told y'all about fighting each other.

That's why I take stuff from y'all.

You see that?

See why I take stuff?

Yes, sir.

Go to your rooms.

Look like they need to go to a hospital.

Uh, no, half- time is over,

so you can get back to your game.

Hey, hey, no, baby.

I'm coming with you.

What's their punishment going to be?

Look like they punish themselves already.

Baby girl, did they stomp you?

America, that game don't matter.

Now, my baby Wanda-- that's what matter.

I don't need no new friends anyway.

I got enough. (phone ringing)

Hold on, America. Excuse me, excuse me. Hold on, hold on.

Yeah, what's up?

Hey, Josie, how you doing, baby? Yeah.

Oh, you saw Chuy on TV?

(chuckling): I saw him, too.

What? He said he'd be with me?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not that type of a person.

No. He's at the game with the guys

and that new woman friend they been hanging out with.

I'm here at home with my wife, and we're tending the kids.

Okay, baby, talk to you later.

Keep your head up.

(chuckling softly)

What?

If I can't have no new friends,

Chuy can't have no new friends either.

Stool pigeon, trick, gum-- call it what you want.

I did it.

(man talking off screen)

All right. Oh, we're on a two-shot deal?

I thought... Oh. Oh.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, tell me now!

Keep the camera rolling.

Keep the camera rolling.

What you plan on doing after this gig?

Hell, I can get this kind of treatment at Paramount.

Captioned by VISUAL DATA