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1
00:00:17,910 --> 00:00:19,301
Hand me one, man.
There you go.
2
00:00:19,377 --> 00:00:21,720
Damn, it's cold
out here, man.
3
00:00:21,797 --> 00:00:23,013
I know, man.
4
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,514
The boy's asthma's
acting up,
5
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,275
and Wanda won't
let me smoke in
the house no more.
6
00:00:26,351 --> 00:00:28,351
That's what happens
when you have kids, man.
7
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:29,853
I can't do anything
at my house.
8
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,654
That's why
I come over here.
9
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,607
Shoot, man, it's
just like it ain't
my house no more.
10
00:00:33,683 --> 00:00:37,152
Wanda makes me give
up all my stuff that
ain't child-friendly,
11
00:00:37,229 --> 00:00:38,904
and you know doggone well
anything worth having
12
00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:40,664
ain't child-friendly.
13
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,866
I used to have a knife
like that.
14
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,376
Oh, this is your knife, dawg.
15
00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:46,912
You gave it to me, remember?
16
00:00:46,988 --> 00:00:48,288
Yeah, yeah...
17
00:00:48,365 --> 00:00:51,249
Man, you get all
of Bernie's good stuff, man.
18
00:00:51,326 --> 00:00:52,492
Hey, man,
there ain't nothing good
19
00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:54,127
about giving away
your stuff, man.
20
00:00:54,204 --> 00:00:55,587
Bernie Mac know
he can entrust me
21
00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:58,799
with his knives and pellet guns
and whatnot.
22
00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:01,218
Yeah, well, I can't wait
till he back up one of them kids
23
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:02,636
with an Escalade.
Yeah...
24
00:01:02,712 --> 00:01:04,387
My car's a beater, boy.
25
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:05,847
(phone ringing)
26
00:01:05,924 --> 00:01:07,390
Yo. Mac.
27
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,518
And-and them cell phones cause
brain cancer, you know,
28
00:01:09,594 --> 00:01:11,528
in case you want
to give that up.
Man, shut up, man.
29
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:14,231
That's-that's
a faulty hypothesis.
30
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:15,348
Just come on
around the back.
31
00:01:15,426 --> 00:01:17,734
We all sitting out
here in the back.
32
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,862
Okay. All right.
33
00:01:20,939 --> 00:01:23,248
Jerry got a
surprise for me.
34
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:25,834
Shh, shh.
35
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,119
Hey, Uncle Bernie,
guess what?
36
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,328
I'm joining the
debate team.
37
00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,580
That's great, Jor,
real good. Good.
38
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,300
(coughing)
Bernie?
39
00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:38,222
Huh, can you dig it?
40
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,215
One question: Can you dig this?
41
00:01:40,226 --> 00:01:41,725
It's off the hizzle, right?
42
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,385
Hoo-hoo, for shizzle.
43
00:01:43,461 --> 00:01:44,845
Yeah, wha-what
does that mean?
44
00:01:44,921 --> 00:01:46,221
Whoo, this is
sweet, man.
45
00:01:46,232 --> 00:01:47,981
I didn't know you drove
a motorcycle.
46
00:01:48,058 --> 00:01:49,432
You like it?
Yeah.
47
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:53,103
This is nice... real nice.
48
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,396
Yeah, well, B...
it's yours.
49
00:01:54,472 --> 00:01:56,898
What, you gonna give me
a motorcycle?
50
00:01:56,975 --> 00:01:59,109
I would give you the
hair off my back if
you wanted it, man,
51
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,786
uh, but it's a gift
from the studio
52
00:02:00,863 --> 00:02:01,945
because the Droobie movie
53
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,405
did over $100 million,
54
00:02:03,481 --> 00:02:05,249
(whistles)
and that is just
domestic, okay?
55
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:06,750
Overseas, it'll
double that,
56
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:10,954
so I guess Droobie
really tickles those
Germans pink.
57
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:14,341
Wow, man, I have to admit
this is tight.
58
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:19,588
I know I can't keep it,
59
00:02:19,664 --> 00:02:22,632
but, man, it sure is nice
to think about being free.
60
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,385
I mean, you're driving
down the road all fast and cool.
61
00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:28,138
The open highway,
doing what I want to do...
62
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,682
far away from all the kids.
63
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,652
(imitating engine roars)
64
00:02:36,848 --> 00:02:38,323
Monstrous.
65
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:42,652
This is nice.
66
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:45,038
Real nice.
67
00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:47,157
Whoa!
Wow!
68
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:50,619
I-I-I've never seen
a naked lady before.
69
00:02:50,695 --> 00:02:52,579
Since you guys are my friends,
I'll give you a special price:
70
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,715
50 cents for the pictures,
two dollars for the centerfold.
71
00:03:00,538 --> 00:03:04,474
Get up, boy, and hand
me that degradation.
72
00:03:10,298 --> 00:03:11,857
I pity your poor weepin' mother.
73
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:16,770
That tractor's going to need
a good scrubbin'.
74
00:03:16,846 --> 00:03:17,896
Hey, they're not mine.
75
00:03:17,973 --> 00:03:19,198
Is that right?
76
00:03:20,326 --> 00:03:21,900
Whose are they, then?
77
00:03:21,977 --> 00:03:24,527
Huh? Spit it out.
78
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:27,623
I don't need to tell
you how inappropriate
this is...
79
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:32,202
...but let me try.
80
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:35,714
The fact that Jordan
brought this smut
81
00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:39,218
into these hallowed halls
is an abomination.
82
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,212
Ooh!
83
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:46,341
Uh... Father,
please believe me
84
00:03:46,418 --> 00:03:48,927
that we would have
never allowed Jordan
85
00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:52,472
to see... anything
like this.
86
00:03:52,549 --> 00:03:56,235
Isn't that
right, Bernie?
87
00:03:57,512 --> 00:03:59,271
Father, I had this
in my footlocker.
88
00:03:59,347 --> 00:04:01,198
I had it under lock and key,
I tell you.
89
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,440
Lock and key.
90
00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:05,369
You're an adult, Mr. Mac.
91
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,862
What happens to you
in the afterlife
92
00:04:07,939 --> 00:04:09,957
is your responsibility.
93
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:16,880
But it appears the boy's
on a rich path to sin.
94
00:04:19,451 --> 00:04:22,252
Maybe you should consider
another school for him.
95
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,087
Oh, now, stop
being so drastic.
96
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,755
I told you I can handle it.
97
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,891
I can handle it.
98
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,052
Damn.
99
00:04:31,129 --> 00:04:32,262
I don't believe you,
Wanda.
100
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,471
What you mean,
you threw 'em away?
101
00:04:33,548 --> 00:04:35,015
I told you I was going
to handle it.
102
00:04:35,091 --> 00:04:36,900
Well, I helped you.
103
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,686
Besides, the only way
to keep them away from Jordan
104
00:04:39,763 --> 00:04:41,479
is to get them
out of the house.
105
00:04:41,556 --> 00:04:43,898
Baby, you messing with
some history here,
I'm telling you.
106
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,191
Remember Azizi Johari?
107
00:04:45,268 --> 00:04:47,110
That was Sammy
Davis Jr.'s girl.
108
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,486
And what about
Renee Tennison--
109
00:04:48,563 --> 00:04:50,956
the first black
Playmate of the Year.
110
00:04:51,033 --> 00:04:55,827
She broke down barriers...
like Jackie Robinson.
111
00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:58,121
Three years ago,
before the kids got here,
112
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,957
my house was an adult paradise.
113
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,667
Look around this room.
114
00:05:02,744 --> 00:05:04,919
It's all the stuff
I used to have,
115
00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:08,923
and one by one,
it's been taken away from me.
116
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,136
My drill press,
authentic African spears,
117
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,638
pipes, blowtorch,
118
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:19,059
fighting pit bull-- you don't
see him because he's been gone!
119
00:05:19,135 --> 00:05:25,148
Nunchaku, dart board,
table saw and all my stuff!
120
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,984
What's next, America... me?
121
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,704
Oh, Lord!
122
00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:35,909
Take your pick.
Mm.
123
00:05:35,985 --> 00:05:38,328
Heartland Help and
Horizon-- what is this?
124
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:41,039
Charities, and they all accept
motorcycle donations.
125
00:05:41,116 --> 00:05:42,916
Pick one.
Oh, baby, come on...
126
00:05:42,992 --> 00:05:44,176
Ah, honey, don't worry.
127
00:05:44,252 --> 00:05:46,795
You'll still get
your tax deduction.
128
00:05:46,871 --> 00:05:48,254
How they going to take
a deduction from nothing?
129
00:05:48,331 --> 00:05:49,839
'Cause I ain't got nothing left,
America,
130
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,258
and I'm tired of it,
and you know what?
131
00:05:52,335 --> 00:05:55,220
This is where I draw the line.
132
00:05:55,296 --> 00:05:56,221
Well, sweetheart,
I'm sorry.
133
00:05:56,297 --> 00:05:57,597
My charity
ain't on here.
134
00:05:57,674 --> 00:05:58,857
Matter of fact, I'm
going to donate it
135
00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:01,393
to my favorite charity:
me, myself and I.
136
00:06:01,469 --> 00:06:03,269
Better yet, I'm going to take
me, myself and I
137
00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:04,529
out for a ride right now.
138
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,370
(laughs)
139
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:23,507
Yeah, you smell that, America?
140
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,835
That's burnt rubber...
and testosterone.
141
00:06:26,911 --> 00:06:29,805
Nothing more intoxicating
except the open road--
142
00:06:29,881 --> 00:06:32,465
long straightaways, hills
and valleys.
143
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:33,809
Sweet curves. Oh, yeah.
144
00:06:33,885 --> 00:06:36,803
The road's a lady,
so you best dress right...
145
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,847
so excuse me, America.
146
00:06:38,923 --> 00:06:43,485
I'm getting ready to take off
into the sunset... in my mind.
147
00:06:45,096 --> 00:06:47,647
Sweetheart, I don't know
what you tripping about.
148
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,408
Not like the kids
going to ride it.
149
00:06:49,484 --> 00:06:50,984
It's not about the kids.
150
00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:53,153
It's about you. I'm afraid.
151
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,237
Afraid of what?
152
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,238
Look at your outfit.
153
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,415
Look kind of nice, huh?
154
00:06:56,491 --> 00:06:57,949
Uncle Bernie,
Aunt Wanda says
155
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,326
you're having a mid-life crisis.
156
00:07:00,403 --> 00:07:01,586
Boy, get in your room.
157
00:07:05,533 --> 00:07:09,377
Could you just be still
for one second?
158
00:07:09,454 --> 00:07:11,504
What if something
happens to you?
159
00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:12,547
Ain't nothing
going to happen.
160
00:07:12,624 --> 00:07:14,340
The kids need you.
They got me.
161
00:07:14,417 --> 00:07:15,800
Well, then, I need you.
162
00:07:15,877 --> 00:07:18,428
Don't do that...
No, don't you do that.
163
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:20,472
You know how I feel
about that bike...
164
00:07:20,548 --> 00:07:23,183
and I can't tell you
what to do.
165
00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:25,602
Did you hear that, America?
166
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:28,238
I mean, what my wife said.
167
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:31,399
It gets me right here.
168
00:07:31,476 --> 00:07:34,703
Said she can't tell me
what to do.
169
00:07:36,397 --> 00:07:39,958
She's a good woman.
170
00:07:40,035 --> 00:07:42,794
♪ ♪
171
00:07:59,629 --> 00:08:00,637
You see that, America?
172
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:02,263
They gave me the nod.
173
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,733
Back in the man's club,
yes, sir.
174
00:08:04,809 --> 00:08:06,485
And ain't nothing
like the open road.
175
00:08:06,561 --> 00:08:08,102
I mean, freedom, no worries.
176
00:08:08,179 --> 00:08:10,647
All I have to think about
is a hundred horses
177
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:12,491
and a quarter ton
of sweet loving metal.
178
00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:17,037
Yes, sir,
back on the road again.
179
00:08:17,113 --> 00:08:20,323
They gave me the nod.
180
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,584
♪ ♪
181
00:08:31,202 --> 00:08:34,587
Resolved, the school's uniform
dress code is good
182
00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:36,839
for the student body's morale.
183
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:39,059
It bridges the gap
between the haves
184
00:08:39,135 --> 00:08:40,718
and the have-nots.
185
00:08:40,795 --> 00:08:43,304
TEACHER:
Thank you, Jordan.
Very compelling.
186
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:44,847
Where's Uncle Bernie?
187
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:48,735
Uh, I think he
had a meeting.
188
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:52,697
♪ ♪
189
00:08:55,184 --> 00:08:56,609
Oh...
190
00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:59,946
Jordan's debate's at 2:30.
191
00:09:00,023 --> 00:09:02,115
Damn!
192
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,126
♪ ♪
193
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,288
(tires screeching)
194
00:09:08,364 --> 00:09:10,966
(crashing)
195
00:09:25,548 --> 00:09:29,559
Oh, no, not that light.
196
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:32,696
Lord, please don't take me now.
197
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,541
♪ ♪
198
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:54,843
What the...?
199
00:10:00,675 --> 00:10:02,892
What happened to my house?
200
00:10:11,761 --> 00:10:13,737
Baby girl, what
are you doing?
201
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:23,446
Oh, my God... I'm dead.
202
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,531
Where are my smokes?
203
00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:26,875
You smoked 'em all, stupid.
204
00:10:29,079 --> 00:10:30,536
Nessa, no...
205
00:10:30,613 --> 00:10:32,547
No, Nessa!
206
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,250
Don't go to sleep tonight.
207
00:10:36,327 --> 00:10:38,261
I'm going to stick you.
208
00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:45,593
Bun in the oven,
and no loaf on the table.
209
00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:47,929
Nessa, listen to me...
210
00:10:48,005 --> 00:10:50,023
Nessa...
211
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:53,234
Nessa... Nessa...
212
00:10:54,979 --> 00:10:57,313
Hello, I'm busy.
213
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,149
Girl, can't you read?
214
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,359
Get out of my face.
215
00:11:01,436 --> 00:11:02,869
You've been briefed.
216
00:11:09,694 --> 00:11:11,703
Jordan, look at you.
217
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,746
I can't believe this.
218
00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:16,999
Wipe that shiny stuff
off your lips.
219
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:18,918
Jordan?
220
00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:22,839
Jordan, I'm not playing
with you.
221
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:25,934
I'm going to look fabulous.
222
00:11:29,464 --> 00:11:30,897
And W.B.?
223
00:11:33,768 --> 00:11:35,560
Here comes Santa Claus.
224
00:11:35,636 --> 00:11:37,562
Have you been naughty
225
00:11:37,638 --> 00:11:39,105
or nice?
226
00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:40,448
(laughter)
227
00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:42,191
I got an answer
for that.
228
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:45,236
W.B.:
Let's just see.
Look at here.
229
00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:46,612
What you got there?
230
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,031
Oh, oh.
231
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:50,283
Take it off.
232
00:11:50,359 --> 00:11:52,785
( laughter)
233
00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:54,662
Big fellow,
I give you everything,
234
00:11:54,739 --> 00:11:55,621
but that's my wife.
235
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:57,966
I'm not giving you Wanda.
236
00:12:03,247 --> 00:12:05,173
Hell, no!
237
00:12:05,249 --> 00:12:07,350
(grunting)
238
00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:10,303
Come on.
239
00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:11,604
Come on, W.B.!
240
00:12:11,681 --> 00:12:12,638
Come on, W.B.!
Come on, come on.
241
00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:14,056
Think 'cause you big, huh?
242
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,683
Okay, hey, honey.
Come on, come on...
243
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,602
Hey, honey, wake up,
hey, hey, hey.
244
00:12:17,678 --> 00:12:19,061
It's me. Come on, focus.
245
00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:20,438
It's me.
246
00:12:20,515 --> 00:12:21,314
Okay.
Ooh, it's you.
247
00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:22,565
Uh-huh.
248
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:23,616
(whimpers)
249
00:12:23,693 --> 00:12:25,359
Wanda, I had a dream.
250
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,369
Okay.
251
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,529
You was in it.
252
00:12:28,606 --> 00:12:31,115
And... Jordan,
253
00:12:31,192 --> 00:12:33,826
baby girl...
254
00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:35,745
Let me see something.
255
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:36,829
Hey, quit it.
256
00:12:36,906 --> 00:12:38,256
WANDA:
Oh, okay, honey,
257
00:12:38,333 --> 00:12:40,208
don't worry, okay?
Uh-uh.
258
00:12:40,284 --> 00:12:41,667
The doctor said
you're going to be fine.
259
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:42,835
Wanda, it was awful.
260
00:12:42,912 --> 00:12:44,003
I'm telling you, I was dead.
261
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:44,962
I was dead.
262
00:12:45,039 --> 00:12:46,339
I tell you,
I was dead.
263
00:12:46,415 --> 00:12:48,508
And Jordan--
he had his hair...
264
00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:50,051
He... He had all the...
265
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:52,804
And then, baby girl--
she was... smoking.
266
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,189
And you had a little boy,
267
00:12:54,265 --> 00:12:56,024
like you was...
268
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,193
She had a little,
and then...
269
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,521
Ooh.
270
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,772
And you was
with W.B..
271
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:05,033
You scandalous!
272
00:13:05,109 --> 00:13:08,528
Okay, how many painkillers
did you take?
273
00:13:08,604 --> 00:13:10,530
Come on, honey.
Come on, honey, hey, hey.
274
00:13:10,606 --> 00:13:12,290
Hey, honey, you did not die.
275
00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:13,449
You just twisted your ankle.
276
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,660
I twist my ankle?
Yes.
277
00:13:15,736 --> 00:13:17,787
I was dead.
I was dead.
I was dead!
278
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:20,998
I'm telling you
I was cold dead.
279
00:13:21,075 --> 00:13:22,542
Dead.
280
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,469
America, come here.
281
00:13:24,546 --> 00:13:26,963
Look at this.
282
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:30,433
Y'all, I did a foolish,
selfish thing.
283
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,310
This could have been my head.
284
00:13:32,387 --> 00:13:35,054
Now I know the world's
a very dangerous place.
285
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,681
So let me tell you something.
286
00:13:36,757 --> 00:13:39,141
My job is to protect those kids.
287
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:42,436
And from now on, America,
Bernie Mac is on the job.
288
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,729
Look here.
289
00:13:43,806 --> 00:13:45,365
That could have been my head.
290
00:13:45,441 --> 00:13:46,566
Hair would have been missing.
291
00:13:46,642 --> 00:13:47,775
All right here.
292
00:13:47,852 --> 00:13:49,819
All this right here.
293
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:52,905
But it'd be laying...
laying like that.
294
00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:55,867
You know, a traffic jam start
like that.
295
00:13:55,943 --> 00:13:57,085
They be looking.
296
00:13:57,161 --> 00:13:58,995
And nobody going
to get out and help.
297
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:00,755
My head would have been over.
298
00:14:00,832 --> 00:14:04,584
I'm laying on, I'm laying on,
you know?
299
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,845
Cars backed up.
300
00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:15,603
What would you like,
Little Mama, apple or orange?
301
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:18,189
Orange.
302
00:14:19,309 --> 00:14:21,234
Good choice.
303
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:24,529
Ooh, what the...? Honey?
304
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:29,609
Hey, honey,
the cabinets are stuck.
305
00:14:29,685 --> 00:14:31,444
They're not stuck, baby.
306
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,945
They're child-proof.
The drawers are, too.
307
00:14:33,022 --> 00:14:33,946
You got to use a magnet here.
308
00:14:34,023 --> 00:14:35,448
Let me show you.
309
00:14:35,524 --> 00:14:37,366
Hold this for me, sweetheart.
310
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,926
Come here.
311
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,078
You slide the magnet in here
till you hear a little click.
312
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,455
You hear that click?
313
00:14:42,531 --> 00:14:43,882
Opens right up. Here.
314
00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:45,583
Hmm.
Get your glass.
315
00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:47,168
Very safe.
316
00:14:47,244 --> 00:14:48,753
And so, when did
you do that?
317
00:14:48,829 --> 00:14:49,921
This afternoon.
318
00:14:49,997 --> 00:14:51,839
I should have did it
a long time ago.
319
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:52,965
Wanda, let me
tell you something.
320
00:14:53,042 --> 00:14:54,008
That drawer got glass in it,
321
00:14:54,085 --> 00:14:55,509
that one over there got knives,
322
00:14:55,586 --> 00:14:56,719
and the bottom got poison.
323
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,387
It's a deathtrap
for these damn kids.
324
00:14:58,464 --> 00:14:59,722
What's a
deathtrap?
325
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,307
It's...
Uh, nothing, sweetie.
326
00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:03,434
Go outside and play,
and I'll bring you your juice.
327
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,019
Walk, walk.
328
00:15:05,096 --> 00:15:06,437
No running in this house.
329
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:08,230
Sweetie, they need to know...
Don't scare her.
330
00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:09,490
They need
to know the truth, baby.
331
00:15:14,897 --> 00:15:15,905
(wheels whirring)
332
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:18,240
Oh, Lord!
333
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:19,542
(laughing)
334
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,547
Did you see that move?
335
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,065
That was crazy!
336
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,917
Boy, are you crazy?
You know what could have
337
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:29,460
happened if you hit
your head on that concrete?
338
00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:30,428
I'm wearing a helmet.
339
00:15:30,505 --> 00:15:31,796
It don't matter.
340
00:15:31,872 --> 00:15:33,422
You already got a soft spot,
Jordan.
341
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,799
You're one
thump away
342
00:15:34,875 --> 00:15:35,841
from being in a coma.
343
00:15:35,918 --> 00:15:37,218
I am?
344
00:15:37,294 --> 00:15:38,636
Yeah, and I think about it
every day.
345
00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:39,637
Now I want you to go on
346
00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:40,730
and get inside, go on.
347
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,690
Walk, walk.
348
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:48,938
Look at all this stuff, America.
349
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,073
Just look at it.
350
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:51,457
Wanda's so doggone busy
351
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,701
making me get rid
of all my dangerous stuff,
352
00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:56,696
we didn't pay no attention
to what we gave the kids.
353
00:15:56,772 --> 00:15:57,905
Look at this.
354
00:15:57,982 --> 00:15:59,115
Ice skates.
355
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:00,750
Can cut your finger right off.
356
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:01,951
Skateboard.
357
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,452
You can slip and crack your...
358
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,788
crack the corner of your head
on something.
359
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,164
Look at these dolls right here.
360
00:16:07,241 --> 00:16:08,590
Their heads come off.
361
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,876
Baby girl messing around,
start chewing on it
362
00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:13,462
like it's gum,
and then choke her to death.
363
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:14,964
Look, this rope here.
364
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,966
All this stuff
is dangerous stuff,
365
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,267
and it's going.
366
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:19,452
It's gone.
367
00:16:19,529 --> 00:16:20,770
Look at this.
I had a rope like this.
368
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:22,271
My little brother...
369
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,515
And I choked him, choked...
370
00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:27,151
choked.
371
00:16:31,932 --> 00:16:33,149
(tapping on bus)
372
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:34,400
BERNIE:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
373
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,350
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
374
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,736
Bus driver man,
bus driver?
375
00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:38,621
Hmm?
376
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,032
Hey, bus driver man,
you got seat belts on this bus?
377
00:16:41,108 --> 00:16:42,450
No. No-No bus
has seat belts.
378
00:16:42,526 --> 00:16:43,659
What?!
379
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:44,702
Oh, hey.
380
00:16:44,779 --> 00:16:46,328
Hey, Nessa,
Nessa, come on.
381
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:48,631
Get your stuff.
You're going with me.
382
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,133
What are you doing?
383
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:51,417
Ain't no seat belts
on this bus.
384
00:16:51,494 --> 00:16:52,918
I got seat belts.
I'm saving your life.
385
00:16:52,995 --> 00:16:54,378
Come on now.
386
00:16:54,455 --> 00:16:55,463
(laughter)
387
00:16:55,539 --> 00:16:56,405
Come on!
388
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:59,592
(loud chatter and laughter)
389
00:16:59,668 --> 00:17:00,718
Hey, Vaness...
390
00:17:00,795 --> 00:17:01,886
Pay no attention
to them.
391
00:17:01,962 --> 00:17:03,438
Hee-hee. That's
a bus of hyenas.
392
00:17:03,514 --> 00:17:05,222
See if you laugh
when you're dead.
393
00:17:05,299 --> 00:17:06,590
Come on, slow down.
394
00:17:06,668 --> 00:17:08,726
Don't walk in front of me
like you're embarrassed.
395
00:17:08,803 --> 00:17:10,186
All day, Aunt Wanda.
396
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:13,355
All day long they
taunted me at school.
397
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,149
Well, Nessa,
you're uncle's been
398
00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:16,942
through a traumatic experience.
399
00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:18,527
Just try to be understanding.
400
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:21,030
He even took away
my spiral notebooks
401
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,866
because he said the wire
might accidentally
402
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:25,334
poke me in the liver.
403
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:27,244
Well, you know, honey,
if you think about it,
404
00:17:27,321 --> 00:17:29,338
that's kind of like...
405
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,543
Okay, yeah,
I-I'll talk to him.
406
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:35,678
Remember my Aunt Pearl?
407
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:36,879
Remember how she died?
408
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,556
She died of tetanus
of the liver.
409
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:40,216
Bernie, she was stabbed.
410
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:42,760
Yeah. Stabbed in the liver
by a piece of metal.
411
00:17:42,837 --> 00:17:44,187
I rest my case.
412
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:45,888
Honey, you don't
have a case, okay?
413
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,482
And you're acting
a little crazy.
414
00:17:47,558 --> 00:17:49,433
I realize that you're
scared, but, honey,
415
00:17:49,510 --> 00:17:51,644
you're teaching the
kids to be scared, too.
416
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,696
I'm not teaching the kids
how to be scared.
417
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,022
(sighs)
418
00:17:55,099 --> 00:17:56,774
Bryana is afraid
to go in the kitchen
419
00:17:56,851 --> 00:17:59,118
because she heard you say
it was a deathtrap.
420
00:18:00,271 --> 00:18:01,570
Listen, if the kids don't like
421
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,656
that I'm trying
to keep their lives safe,
422
00:18:03,732 --> 00:18:04,624
that's fine with me.
423
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:06,075
And I hope they don't like it
424
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:08,035
for the rest
of their long, long lives.
425
00:18:08,112 --> 00:18:10,412
Meanwhile, I threw away some
of your polish.
426
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,589
It's toxic.
427
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:19,597
(mumbling)
428
00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:25,469
And that, my friend,
is called victory.
429
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,513
(laughs)
430
00:18:27,590 --> 00:18:28,597
You cheated!
431
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,683
I did not.
432
00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:32,143
You did, too.
Admit it!
433
00:18:32,219 --> 00:18:33,611
I'm not going to admit it.
434
00:18:33,688 --> 00:18:35,104
Admit it.
435
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,940
Okay, how about
we debate this?
436
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,734
Okay, I'll admit
it, I cheated.
437
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:41,869
Hey, hey, Jordan,
438
00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:44,163
let me talk to
you for a minute.
439
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:52,329
Jordan, did you cheat?
440
00:18:52,406 --> 00:18:54,790
Cheat? He's the worst.
441
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,083
Why did you let him punk you out
in your own house then?
442
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,385
Oh.
He's bigger than me.
443
00:18:57,461 --> 00:18:59,128
And he was clearly
about to get physical.
444
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:00,263
If I didn't back down,
445
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,381
he may have hit me,
and I'd fall down
446
00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:04,267
and hit my head
on the table or the floor.
447
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:05,685
And I've got that soft spot.
448
00:19:05,761 --> 00:19:06,936
You said it yourself.
449
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:11,140
I'm one thump away from a coma.
450
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,275
You hear that, America?
451
00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:14,268
My boy got punked
in his own house
452
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:16,145
because he's scared.
453
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,447
Scared because of something
I said.
454
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:20,032
Wanda's right.
455
00:19:20,109 --> 00:19:21,784
I'm not teaching these kids
wisdom, America.
456
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,652
I'm teaching them fear.
457
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:24,954
That ain't right.
458
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,831
That's not right at all.
459
00:19:30,110 --> 00:19:32,161
Jordan, you look thirsty.
Why don't you go in the kitchen
460
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,579
and get you and your friend
something to drink?
461
00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:35,289
You talking back to me?
I'm not thirsty.
462
00:19:35,366 --> 00:19:36,207
Just do what I tell you to do
463
00:19:36,283 --> 00:19:38,626
and go on up in there.
That way.
464
00:19:38,702 --> 00:19:40,377
Go on in there, and I'll
send him in there later.
465
00:19:40,454 --> 00:19:42,129
Oh, no. I found it.
466
00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:44,173
Quit touching your head.
467
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:45,507
I found it.
468
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:47,259
Oh.
469
00:19:47,336 --> 00:19:49,261
Hey, young man,
470
00:19:49,338 --> 00:19:50,679
come here for a minute.
471
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,607
I'm going to talk to you.
472
00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:57,895
First of all,
Jordan didn't cheat.
473
00:19:57,972 --> 00:19:59,688
He doesn't have to.
474
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,148
He's skilled.
475
00:20:01,225 --> 00:20:03,192
And second,
if I ever hear you talk
476
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,361
to my nephew like that
in my house,
477
00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:07,529
you're going to deal with me.
478
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,448
Do you understand that?
Yes, sir.
479
00:20:09,525 --> 00:20:10,917
Now go in there and apologize.
480
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:18,733
Let me tell you something.
481
00:20:18,809 --> 00:20:20,251
Sometime a little fear
is a good thing.
482
00:20:20,327 --> 00:20:22,002
But where it gets dangerous,
America,
483
00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:23,671
is when you let it control you.
484
00:20:23,747 --> 00:20:24,838
Oh, that's bad.
485
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:27,516
Real bad.
486
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,054
Honey, I think it's my fault.
487
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:33,305
You shouldn't have had
488
00:20:33,382 --> 00:20:35,766
to give up so much
of your stuff.
489
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,393
Maybe you can...
490
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:39,728
smoke in the den.
491
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,023
I thought you said the boy's
asthma's was acting up.
492
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:45,484
Yeah, I-I kind of said that
493
00:20:45,561 --> 00:20:47,945
because the house was starting
to smell a little funky.
494
00:20:48,022 --> 00:20:50,456
No.
495
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:53,275
Come on, baby.
496
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,044
You mean to tell me
you used the boy's bad lungs
497
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,245
just to get what you want?
498
00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:57,997
Uh-uh.
You got to pay for that.
499
00:20:58,073 --> 00:21:00,040
Really?
Yeah.
500
00:21:00,117 --> 00:21:01,166
How am I going to do that?
501
00:21:01,243 --> 00:21:03,261
Hmm.
502
00:21:04,621 --> 00:21:06,514
Oh.
503
00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:07,923
You've got that look
in your eye.
504
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,049
You think I don't?
505
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,342
(laughs)
506
00:21:10,419 --> 00:21:11,460
What, you scared?
507
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:12,812
'Cause you sure
should be.
508
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:20,644
Wanda?
509
00:21:20,721 --> 00:21:23,656
Why are you laughing?
510
00:21:23,733 --> 00:21:24,606
Look like a laugh?
511
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:25,783
(laughs)
512
00:21:27,478 --> 00:21:28,402
That was my trauma look.
513
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:29,528
It was?
514
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,530
Yeah.
515
00:21:31,541 --> 00:21:33,532
That couldn't have been.
516
00:21:33,609 --> 00:21:34,616
Try it again.
Try it again.
517
00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:37,536
You look like a joker.
518
00:21:37,613 --> 00:21:39,038
That's how I went...
519
00:21:39,114 --> 00:21:40,472
I was delirious, you know?
520
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:43,792
You messed... I don't know
if I can do it again.
521
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:47,463
That was a trauma...
522
00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:49,473
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