All language subtitles for The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S03E12.Saving.Sergeant.Tompkins.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,045 --> 00:00:21,428 Hey, baby girl. 2 00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:24,148 Uncle Bernie, I hate being the youngest. 3 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:26,516 When am I going to be the oldest? 4 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,393 It don't work that way. 5 00:00:28,404 --> 00:00:30,312 Well, when am I going to be older than Jordan? 6 00:00:30,388 --> 00:00:32,022 It don't work that way, either. 7 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,065 But that's not fair. 8 00:00:33,141 --> 00:00:36,160 I know it isn't. 9 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,045 Okay. 10 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,531 When you get 11, you'll be able to be older than Jordan. 11 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:42,991 Okay? Yes! 12 00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:44,868 Isn't she adorable, America? 13 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,870 Look how happy she is. 14 00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:47,996 And maybe I was right. 15 00:00:48,073 --> 00:00:50,540 Girls do mature faster than boys. 16 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,126 Ha. Especially when it comes to good sense. 17 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,504 She might be older than Jordan right now. 18 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:56,638 The thing is, 19 00:00:56,715 --> 00:00:58,048 sometimes you've got to tell kids 20 00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,382 what they need to hear. 21 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:00,867 (glass breaking) 22 00:01:00,944 --> 00:01:03,386 It best be cleaned up before I get out there! 23 00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:05,931 Or somebody will get their butt whooped. 24 00:01:06,007 --> 00:01:07,316 See, America? 25 00:01:07,392 --> 00:01:09,401 They needed to hear that. 26 00:01:11,596 --> 00:01:14,064 JORDAN: Uncle Bernie, popcorn's ready! 27 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,316 Well, I'm not, and popcorn don't rule me. 28 00:01:16,393 --> 00:01:18,235 I'm trying to pick the right movie. 29 00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:21,371 VANESSA: Everybody wants to see Ferris Bueller's Day Off. 30 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,574 Well, get used to disappointment. 31 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:26,418 Oh, this here. 32 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,716 Something wrong. 33 00:01:50,218 --> 00:01:53,195 My Redd Foxx ticket stub. 34 00:01:53,272 --> 00:01:56,198 Someone stole my Redd Foxx ticket stub. 35 00:01:58,101 --> 00:01:59,276 Ugh! 36 00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:00,786 America, I've been robbed. 37 00:02:00,863 --> 00:02:02,279 Violated! 38 00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:05,031 Somebody reached up and snatched a piece of my past. 39 00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:07,576 1987, Las Vegas. 40 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:10,287 One of the proudest nights of my life. 41 00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:12,414 The night I opened up for Redd Foxx. 42 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:15,167 First time my name was on a marquee. 43 00:02:15,243 --> 00:02:17,335 Who would do such a diabolical thing? 44 00:02:17,412 --> 00:02:19,304 Who would come up in here and... 45 00:02:20,424 --> 00:02:22,574 rape me? 46 00:02:26,338 --> 00:02:28,096 VANESSA: I didn't even 47 00:02:28,173 --> 00:02:30,098 know you had a dumb stub. 48 00:02:30,175 --> 00:02:31,483 Red foxes are furry. 49 00:02:34,346 --> 00:02:35,954 Let me tell you something. 50 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,981 You start icing your ass right now, boy, you hear me? 51 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,533 (sighs) 52 00:02:40,685 --> 00:02:41,902 JORDAN: But 53 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:42,903 I had to take it. 54 00:02:42,979 --> 00:02:44,654 It's for a school assignment. 55 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:45,922 To steal something 56 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,407 that don't belong to you, Jordan? 57 00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:49,367 No. To put something meaningful in the time capsule. 58 00:02:49,444 --> 00:02:51,161 So that when people open it in 50 years, 59 00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,329 they'll know all about us. 60 00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:53,997 Us? There ain't no us. 61 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,257 That stub belong to me. 62 00:02:55,334 --> 00:02:56,766 They'd be learning about me. 63 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,268 Only thing they going to be learning about you is 64 00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,561 that you're going to be buried right next to it. 65 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,338 Now, I want you to give it back, you hear me? 66 00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:03,882 Jordan, why don't you put something in it of your own? 67 00:03:03,959 --> 00:03:06,509 But it has to be something that connects us to the past. 68 00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:08,637 Like your ticket stub connects you to Redd Foxx. 69 00:03:08,713 --> 00:03:10,430 Why don't you connect something from your own past? 70 00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:11,673 Like something you came here with. 71 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,141 I didn't come here with anything. 72 00:03:13,218 --> 00:03:14,109 Come on now, boy. 73 00:03:14,186 --> 00:03:15,143 You got off the plane 74 00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:16,353 with a bag full of stuff. 75 00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:17,437 Uh, that was a shopping bag. 76 00:03:17,514 --> 00:03:18,480 I know what it was, honey. 77 00:03:18,556 --> 00:03:19,439 It was a bag full of stuff. 78 00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:20,565 Well, it had clothes in it, 79 00:03:20,642 --> 00:03:22,025 which we sort of disposed of. 80 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,535 She burned them. 81 00:03:25,563 --> 00:03:27,113 (whispering): You burned them. 82 00:03:27,190 --> 00:03:28,949 Oh, don't look at me like that, America. 83 00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,075 They had fleas. 84 00:03:30,151 --> 00:03:31,518 I had to burn them. 85 00:03:31,595 --> 00:03:33,295 Either that, or the boy had to wear a flea collar. 86 00:03:33,372 --> 00:03:35,163 But see, now I know why he took my stuff. 87 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,873 He's just trying to make some connection 88 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,124 with his past. 89 00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:39,843 You know, get a sense of history. 90 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,545 See, you know what he needs right now is a parent. 91 00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,673 Somebody to show him just a little love. 92 00:03:44,749 --> 00:03:47,592 Somebody to explain to him his unfortunate beginnings. 93 00:03:47,669 --> 00:03:49,552 You know, bring it down to the level 94 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,137 where the boy can understand. 95 00:03:51,214 --> 00:03:53,890 Somebody like... 96 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,859 like me. 97 00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:00,489 Jordan? 98 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:13,076 I know you want to have something from your past. 99 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,995 But you can't expect to have anything 100 00:04:15,071 --> 00:04:16,663 when you don't come from anything. 101 00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:20,041 And I know the truth is hard. 102 00:04:20,118 --> 00:04:23,387 But the truth is... 103 00:04:25,206 --> 00:04:27,757 life dealt you a bad hand, 104 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,342 and you just got to play your low pair. 105 00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,594 (sniffling) 106 00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,888 Son, you ain't the only one that had it rough. 107 00:04:33,965 --> 00:04:36,099 Shoot, when I was your age, I lost my mama. 108 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:38,268 My daddy was worse than yours. 109 00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,728 I don't even remember my daddy. 110 00:04:39,804 --> 00:04:41,229 That's because he was out of there, man, 111 00:04:41,306 --> 00:04:42,514 before you was potty-trained. 112 00:04:42,590 --> 00:04:44,992 Four years and out. Out of there! 113 00:04:46,611 --> 00:04:48,528 Move on. 114 00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:50,914 Man up! 115 00:04:52,817 --> 00:04:55,577 Man up! 116 00:04:55,653 --> 00:04:58,413 America, that's called tough love. 117 00:04:58,490 --> 00:04:59,914 And that's what the boy needed. 118 00:04:59,991 --> 00:05:02,834 Not some kissy, huggy episode of Dr. Phil. 119 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,294 "My daddy wasn't there." 120 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,695 "I have abandonment issues." 121 00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,965 Please, I'm teaching that boy how to be a man. 122 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,592 How to roll with the punches. 123 00:05:10,668 --> 00:05:12,594 He may miss out on this school assignment, 124 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:15,472 but he'll get an A from the school of hard knocks. 125 00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,474 That's what I'm talking about. 126 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,517 School of hard knocks. 127 00:05:19,594 --> 00:05:20,694 Lesson. 128 00:05:22,972 --> 00:05:27,650 So, Jesus fell three times on his way to the crucifixion, 129 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:30,403 all the while carrying a cross on his back 130 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,906 and wearing a crown of thorns, 131 00:05:32,982 --> 00:05:36,368 which, I might add, was very uncomfortable. 132 00:05:36,444 --> 00:05:37,711 No pain, no gain. 133 00:05:37,788 --> 00:05:39,746 At least he got to be the Son of God. 134 00:05:39,823 --> 00:05:42,749 Jordan, you should be ashamed of yourself. 135 00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:43,908 Jesus's 136 00:05:43,986 --> 00:05:46,711 suffering should not be taken lightly. 137 00:05:46,788 --> 00:05:48,046 So he had it rough, big deal. 138 00:05:48,123 --> 00:05:50,382 Couldn't he just suck it up like the rest of us? 139 00:05:50,458 --> 00:05:52,092 I had it rough, too, 140 00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:53,343 but you don't see people 141 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:54,978 hanging little statues of me over their bed. 142 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,021 (all gasping) 143 00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:05,605 Baby, I'm telling you, the boy's a devil. Look at him. 144 00:06:05,682 --> 00:06:07,565 I only told them the hard truth like you told me, 145 00:06:07,642 --> 00:06:09,142 Uncle Bernie. How when life 146 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,870 deals you a rough hand, you got to play the low pair. 147 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,532 You said that about Jesus? 148 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,750 Just the opposite. 149 00:06:16,827 --> 00:06:19,577 I was talking about the boy's father. 150 00:06:19,654 --> 00:06:21,287 Yeah, how he left us and doesn't care. 151 00:06:21,364 --> 00:06:23,248 Oh, Bernie, you shouldn't have said that. 152 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:24,457 Why not? 153 00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:25,792 It's the truth. 154 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,135 And I say good for Uncle Bernie. 155 00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:28,303 Vanessa. 156 00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:29,671 What? 157 00:06:29,747 --> 00:06:32,173 I'm just telling it like it T-I is. 158 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,634 (laughs) 159 00:06:34,711 --> 00:06:37,229 I'm going to go watch Mr. Ed. 160 00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,141 I'm going to go talk to the boy. 161 00:06:41,217 --> 00:06:42,275 Mm-hmm. 162 00:06:42,352 --> 00:06:43,685 Mr. Ed. 163 00:06:43,761 --> 00:06:45,019 Boy! 164 00:06:45,096 --> 00:06:46,855 Boy? 165 00:06:46,931 --> 00:06:48,281 It brightens. 166 00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:49,482 Get out those nasty coffee stains, with Dent-O-Sparkle. 167 00:06:49,559 --> 00:06:51,785 BERNIE: Hey. 168 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,617 (sighs) 169 00:06:59,694 --> 00:07:01,828 Jordan, I know I shouldn't have told you 170 00:07:01,905 --> 00:07:03,496 those things about your father. 171 00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:05,165 No, it's fine. 172 00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:06,499 No, no. I know it hurts. 173 00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:08,334 No, it doesn't because he doesn't care about us, 174 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,678 and I don't care about him. 175 00:07:09,754 --> 00:07:11,671 Jordan, that's a little strong. He does care. 176 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:14,007 He just doesn't have what it takes to stick it out. 177 00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:15,008 No, he doesn't care. 178 00:07:15,084 --> 00:07:16,176 Because if he cared, 179 00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:17,510 he wouldn't have left. 180 00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:19,855 Bet he never even thought about us again. 181 00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:27,353 America, see, you let me push the boy too far. 182 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,521 But don't worry. 183 00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:30,565 I'll pull him back in. 184 00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:31,691 See, this all started 185 00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:33,318 because Jordan didn't have something 186 00:07:33,394 --> 00:07:34,694 to connect him to his past. 187 00:07:34,771 --> 00:07:36,029 So, I'll just give him something 188 00:07:36,105 --> 00:07:37,581 and tell him that it's from his dad. 189 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,365 You know, something small. 190 00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:40,375 Valuable. 191 00:07:40,452 --> 00:07:42,669 You know, one of a kind. 192 00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:49,167 Maybe just something small. 193 00:07:49,244 --> 00:07:51,386 This is nice. 194 00:07:51,463 --> 00:07:53,805 Real nice. 195 00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,851 Hey, man, I got something for you. 196 00:08:06,928 --> 00:08:08,061 I don't want anything. 197 00:08:08,137 --> 00:08:09,237 Oh, you'll want this. 198 00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:10,730 This was your dad's. 199 00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,273 This was my dad's? 200 00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:13,441 Yup. 201 00:08:13,518 --> 00:08:14,484 My dad had a monocular? 202 00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:16,444 Not that I know of. 203 00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:17,737 Oh, yeah, that's what that is. 204 00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:19,372 Yeah. Yeah, that's what he had. 205 00:08:19,449 --> 00:08:21,282 Why didn't you give me this before? 206 00:08:21,359 --> 00:08:23,910 Well, he asked me to hold it till your 18th birthday, Jordan, 207 00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:25,495 but I figured you need it now. 208 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:28,665 But why would he want me to have this? 209 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,583 Well, actually, he loved that little doohickey, 210 00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:32,135 but since you his only son, 211 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,003 it's only natural that he pass it down to you 212 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,755 the same way you pass it down to your son. 213 00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,298 But what if I have twins? 214 00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:39,050 Then you gonna have a dilemma. 215 00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,052 But the point is, it's a keepsake. 216 00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,887 Now you have something of your father's, 217 00:08:42,964 --> 00:08:44,397 and now it belongs to you. 218 00:08:44,474 --> 00:08:45,598 Aw, thanks, Uncle Bernie. 219 00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:47,058 I'm going to go show Bryana. 220 00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,352 Go ahead, man. 221 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,897 Well, that was a choice. 222 00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,941 Unless you got a better one. 223 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:57,151 I got the boy happy again. 224 00:08:57,228 --> 00:08:59,746 Hmm. 225 00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:06,119 It's like I said before, America. 226 00:09:06,195 --> 00:09:09,122 Sometime you got to tell a kid what they need to hear. 227 00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:11,165 Give them something to hold on to. 228 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,417 So I fabricated a little. 229 00:09:12,493 --> 00:09:13,960 You do it, too. 230 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,920 Tell your children there's a fat man 231 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,590 who live on the North Pole to bring them presents. 232 00:09:18,666 --> 00:09:20,550 I told the boy his dad had a monocular. 233 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:21,676 Uh-huh. 234 00:09:21,753 --> 00:09:23,386 My lie is this big. 235 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,554 Hmm. 236 00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,139 Your lie has reindeer. 237 00:09:26,215 --> 00:09:29,267 So, who's the bull... 238 00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:31,644 Every year. 239 00:09:31,721 --> 00:09:32,645 BRYANA: Can you read it? 240 00:09:32,722 --> 00:09:33,813 Eight of diamonds. 241 00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:35,523 Go down three more houses. 242 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,610 Hey, what are you doing? 243 00:09:38,686 --> 00:09:40,453 Testing my dad's monocular. 244 00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:41,580 Keep on going! 245 00:09:41,656 --> 00:09:43,573 Hmm. 246 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,417 Let me see. 247 00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,203 (car honking) 248 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,413 Oh, Lord! 249 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,664 Help me. 250 00:09:51,741 --> 00:09:53,583 Baby girl, get out the middle of the street. 251 00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:54,834 BRYANA: Okay! 252 00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:56,336 Bryana, bring the cards home, 253 00:09:56,412 --> 00:09:57,962 then I'll let you use my monocular 254 00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,348 and look up my nose and see my brain. 255 00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,511 You know it ain't going to be much to look at. 256 00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,355 Y'all know that, don't you? 257 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:11,484 Oh, no, a flood. 258 00:10:11,561 --> 00:10:12,977 What? 259 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,030 Let me see. 260 00:10:16,265 --> 00:10:17,940 Ain't no flood. 261 00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:19,442 All I see is Miss Bowdin dressing. 262 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,735 (laughs) 263 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,195 Her TV is on The Weather Channel. 264 00:10:22,271 --> 00:10:23,446 Oh. 265 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:24,781 (laughs) Yeah, Jordan and friend, 266 00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,115 stop peeping. 267 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,250 Mm-hmm. 268 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,162 I bet my dad used this thing all the time. 269 00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,372 I bet he did. 270 00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:33,581 So when did he give it to you? 271 00:10:33,658 --> 00:10:34,874 Um, at a reunion. 272 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,793 You was a little baby. 273 00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:38,803 I think I remember that. 274 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:44,217 Hmm. This plan of yours comes with a pretty big shovel. 275 00:10:44,293 --> 00:10:45,243 I know, baby. 276 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,761 The boy's so damn inquisitive. 277 00:10:46,838 --> 00:10:48,721 Why he just can't take a lie at face value? 278 00:10:48,798 --> 00:10:50,890 That's the last one, I promise. 279 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,643 So, what did my dad use this monocular for? 280 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,520 He was a sergeant in the army. 281 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:56,896 Well, of course. 282 00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,531 That's probably why he was never around. 283 00:10:58,608 --> 00:10:59,532 Because he was busy 284 00:10:59,609 --> 00:11:00,733 on missions. 285 00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:02,110 Who are you talking about? 286 00:11:02,186 --> 00:11:04,537 Dad. Uncle Bernie gave me his monocular. 287 00:11:04,614 --> 00:11:06,906 Sorry, Vanessa, you can't touch it. 288 00:11:06,983 --> 00:11:08,157 He gave it to me. 289 00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:11,703 Did you know Dad was a sergeant in the army? 290 00:11:11,779 --> 00:11:13,538 He spied on enemies. 291 00:11:13,614 --> 00:11:15,048 He'd sneak up on them 292 00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,550 and say, "Surrender in the name of the U.S. of A." 293 00:11:17,627 --> 00:11:20,211 Then he'd kick them in the butt on the way back to base. 294 00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:22,806 I bet his uniform was covered in medals. 295 00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:25,633 Oh. I'm going to go on a recon mission. 296 00:11:25,710 --> 00:11:28,386 I'll have a full report for you later. 297 00:11:28,463 --> 00:11:30,680 Okay, Captain. 298 00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,765 You lied to him? 299 00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:35,610 Our dad was never in the army. 300 00:11:35,687 --> 00:11:36,894 I know that, Nessa, 301 00:11:36,971 --> 00:11:38,479 but it was almost like he was POW. 302 00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:41,149 He was surrounded by men with uniforms with guns. 303 00:11:41,225 --> 00:11:43,568 Had he tried to escape, they'd have shot him. 304 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:46,204 It's close enough. 305 00:11:47,523 --> 00:11:49,457 Ain't it? 306 00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,093 You know, 307 00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:03,471 your Uncle Bernie didn't mean any harm. 308 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,473 (scoffs) 309 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:09,969 Okay. 310 00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:14,682 He told Jordan that our dad was some big war hero. 311 00:12:14,759 --> 00:12:15,850 But he wasn't a hero. 312 00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:18,144 He wasn't anything. 313 00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:21,189 He was just the guy that left us. 314 00:12:21,265 --> 00:12:22,615 And now Jordan's running around 315 00:12:22,692 --> 00:12:25,693 thinking that some stupid toy is going to change that. 316 00:12:25,770 --> 00:12:30,740 You know what? I should tell him the truth. 317 00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,075 And what would that do? 318 00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:38,173 I don't know, but I'm just so mad at him. 319 00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:44,796 So, who are you really mad at, 320 00:12:44,872 --> 00:12:49,851 your Uncle Bernie or your father? 321 00:12:53,589 --> 00:12:54,814 I'm telling you, baby, 322 00:12:54,891 --> 00:12:56,474 Nessa ain't said not one word to me. 323 00:12:56,551 --> 00:12:57,683 Not one. 324 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:58,960 I mean, silence is golden, 325 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,403 but I don't know if I like it like that. 326 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,897 Well, honey, you should try talking to her again. 327 00:13:02,974 --> 00:13:04,048 I tried talking to her. 328 00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:05,691 Every time I try talking to Nessa, 329 00:13:05,768 --> 00:13:06,901 she walk out of the room. 330 00:13:06,978 --> 00:13:08,611 How I know she had all those issues 331 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,029 about her daddy? 332 00:13:10,106 --> 00:13:11,739 Wasn't her mama enough? 333 00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:13,416 Why can't she just hold her feelings inside 334 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,585 and get high blood pressure like normal people? 335 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,921 JORDAN: No! 336 00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,789 There go my high blood pressure right there. 337 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,082 I'm gonna pop. 338 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,792 I'ma tell you, I'm gonna pop! 339 00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,377 (Jordan sobbing) 340 00:13:24,453 --> 00:13:26,554 Jordan? 341 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,174 What the hell is going on in here, Jordan? 342 00:13:30,251 --> 00:13:32,885 (sobbing): Dad's monocular-- it's gone. 343 00:13:32,962 --> 00:13:34,554 I can't find it anywhere. 344 00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:37,524 It's gone! 345 00:13:42,847 --> 00:13:44,397 America, why that little knothead 346 00:13:44,473 --> 00:13:47,275 had to go lose his daddy all over again? 347 00:13:47,351 --> 00:13:48,609 That wasn't part of the plan. 348 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:49,852 Damn monocular. 349 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,988 Why this stuff always got to happen to me? 350 00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:56,084 Bernie Mac is a victim of his own compassion. 351 00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:59,120 Jordan, we'll find it in the morning. 352 00:13:59,196 --> 00:14:01,038 We'll just retrace all your steps. 353 00:14:01,115 --> 00:14:02,298 Now how hard can that be? 354 00:14:05,336 --> 00:14:07,545 That's my man. 355 00:14:07,622 --> 00:14:10,239 Come on. 356 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,269 Jordan, you mean to tell me 357 00:14:15,346 --> 00:14:16,846 you spent two hours playing in the grass? 358 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,014 I was camouflaging myself, 359 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,766 like my dad probably did in the Gulf War. 360 00:14:20,843 --> 00:14:21,934 You think he ever shot a man? 361 00:14:22,011 --> 00:14:23,987 Oh, I know he did. 362 00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,364 (sighs): A hero. 363 00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:27,815 Yeah. 364 00:14:27,892 --> 00:14:29,191 We've got to find it. 365 00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:31,494 It's my most valued possession. 366 00:14:33,448 --> 00:14:35,948 Now I know why they call them "filthy liars." 367 00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:39,035 Look at me, America, I'm filthy. 368 00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:41,996 Well... Now, if you would excuse me 369 00:14:42,073 --> 00:14:44,081 I have another acre of sod I must pull up 370 00:14:44,158 --> 00:14:46,792 to find a fake war hero's monocular. 371 00:14:46,869 --> 00:14:48,336 You know, this is some bull. 372 00:14:48,412 --> 00:14:51,213 You start one lie, you got to tell another. 373 00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:54,267 That's why I don't lie, America. 374 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,145 Jordan! Jordan! 375 00:14:57,221 --> 00:15:00,431 I'm in here, Uncle Bernie. 376 00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,975 Hey. 377 00:15:03,052 --> 00:15:04,393 What, you hang out in doghouses? 378 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,354 Well, this is my headquarters. 379 00:15:06,430 --> 00:15:08,814 I sit here and I scan the horizon. 380 00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:10,358 Do you think my dad liked dogs? 381 00:15:10,434 --> 00:15:12,318 Well, I remember one time in particular 382 00:15:12,395 --> 00:15:13,861 he was surrounded by them. 383 00:15:13,938 --> 00:15:15,321 If I don't find my dad's monocular, 384 00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:16,998 can we go to the army surplus store 385 00:15:17,075 --> 00:15:18,574 and get some dog tags made? 386 00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,117 Some dog tags? 387 00:15:20,194 --> 00:15:21,827 Yeah, and they can say "Sergeant Tompkins," 388 00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,755 just like my dad's. 389 00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,458 Dog tags? 390 00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:29,752 If he really want to be like his dad, he should be wearing 391 00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,295 a house-arrest monitor on his ankle. 392 00:15:31,372 --> 00:15:33,848 You know, those little things, like little pagers. 393 00:15:33,925 --> 00:15:35,049 You know, turn on Cops. 394 00:15:35,126 --> 00:15:37,551 The one I had... 395 00:15:37,628 --> 00:15:39,228 Let's... let's move on. 396 00:15:51,308 --> 00:15:54,369 Something just ain't right. 397 00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:03,586 Somebody been trying to look at my Pam Grier. 398 00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:12,753 Look like Jordan been trying to get a close-up look. 399 00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:14,255 Dang. 400 00:16:14,331 --> 00:16:16,841 I don't know whether to be upset or rejoice. 401 00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:23,806 But the real question is, what do I do about this? 402 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,776 (sighs) 403 00:16:31,515 --> 00:16:32,940 So you found it? 404 00:16:33,017 --> 00:16:34,358 Yeah. 405 00:16:34,435 --> 00:16:37,453 I guess you're gonna give it to him, right? 406 00:16:39,157 --> 00:16:40,915 Hop in here for a minute. 407 00:16:40,992 --> 00:16:42,333 Come on. 408 00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:46,620 Look... 409 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,381 Why didn't you just leave things the way they were? 410 00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:50,032 Why'd you have to go and lie to Jordan? 411 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,460 I'm just trying to give the boy something to hold on to, Nessa. 412 00:16:52,536 --> 00:16:55,337 There is nothing about our father worth holding on to. 413 00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:57,098 Look, I'm sorry your father hurt you, 414 00:16:57,175 --> 00:16:58,732 and I'm sorry I hurt you. 415 00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,435 He might not have been no saint, but he's still your father. 416 00:17:00,511 --> 00:17:02,470 You probably got a good memory or two, don't you? 417 00:17:02,546 --> 00:17:05,598 I just remember him leaving. 418 00:17:05,674 --> 00:17:08,017 (sniffles) 419 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:10,403 Nessa. 420 00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:16,325 Okay, Vanessa, I'll leave you alone. 421 00:17:18,229 --> 00:17:20,946 He was laughing. 422 00:17:21,023 --> 00:17:23,657 What? 423 00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:27,545 I was about five, 424 00:17:27,622 --> 00:17:30,081 and Jordan was still a baby. 425 00:17:30,157 --> 00:17:33,667 We were in the tub, 426 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:37,346 and he was laughing. 427 00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:41,809 See, Nessa, right there, 428 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,312 that's a memory right there. 429 00:17:46,382 --> 00:17:48,641 Your father may not have stuck around, 430 00:17:48,717 --> 00:17:52,195 but for that one moment your father was a daddy. 431 00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:54,021 That's a memory that you have. 432 00:17:54,098 --> 00:17:55,823 Jordan don't have that memory, 433 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,275 real or not. 434 00:17:58,352 --> 00:18:00,027 This monocular is the only thing 435 00:18:00,104 --> 00:18:01,862 to give him something to hold on to. 436 00:18:01,939 --> 00:18:03,447 Now I ask you, 437 00:18:03,524 --> 00:18:06,417 you sure you want to take this away from him? 438 00:18:37,975 --> 00:18:40,409 VANESSA: Jordan, come here. 439 00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:49,076 Look. 440 00:18:49,153 --> 00:18:51,412 (laughs): Who's that baby 441 00:18:51,488 --> 00:18:52,746 with the pointy head? 442 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,748 You. 443 00:18:54,825 --> 00:18:56,125 Is that our dad? 444 00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:58,794 Yeah, and that's me. 445 00:18:58,871 --> 00:18:59,795 Here. 446 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,505 I can have it? 447 00:19:01,582 --> 00:19:03,591 Yeah, but make sure you take care of it. 448 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:05,259 It's the only picture we have of him. 449 00:19:05,336 --> 00:19:06,468 Thanks. 450 00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,179 Uncle Bernie, Aunt Wanda, look. 451 00:19:08,255 --> 00:19:09,555 That's me with the pointy head. 452 00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:12,141 Would you look at that? 453 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,392 That's my dad. 454 00:19:13,469 --> 00:19:14,835 He's very handsome. 455 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,771 Yeah. How come he's not wearing his army uniform? 456 00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:22,526 Uh, I don't think he had to wear it every day. 457 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:25,621 Oh. I'm going to go put this in a frame. 458 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:31,961 I am very proud of you. 459 00:19:33,364 --> 00:19:35,497 What's wrong with you? 460 00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,833 Nothing. 461 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,294 I can't wrap this up in a bow, America, 462 00:19:40,371 --> 00:19:42,129 because parenting isn't like that. 463 00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:43,505 It's tricky. 464 00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:45,257 Just when you think you got it knocked, 465 00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:47,301 that's when something's gonna trip you up. 466 00:19:47,378 --> 00:19:49,011 See, Jordan had a problem. 467 00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,188 I did the best I could. 468 00:19:50,264 --> 00:19:51,805 I didn't have the answers. 469 00:19:51,882 --> 00:19:54,683 I gave him a monocular and some nice stories. 470 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:58,112 But Nessa, she did what I couldn't do. 471 00:19:58,189 --> 00:20:00,648 She gave him something real. 472 00:20:00,724 --> 00:20:02,983 And I'm proud of her, too. 473 00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,152 You go, girl. 474 00:20:05,229 --> 00:20:07,947 Nessa. Mm. 475 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,865 In a world where good battles evil... 476 00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:13,502 where the past defines the future... 477 00:20:14,738 --> 00:20:17,581 That was a nice thing you did for your brother. 478 00:20:17,658 --> 00:20:20,417 Yeah. I mean, I figured I could give up my picture, 479 00:20:20,494 --> 00:20:22,720 'cause I'm sure my dad left something for me. 480 00:20:22,797 --> 00:20:25,422 You know, like those suede boots with the skinny heels 481 00:20:25,499 --> 00:20:27,007 we saw at the mall? 482 00:20:27,084 --> 00:20:29,176 Nice try. 483 00:20:29,253 --> 00:20:31,095 I had to give it a shot. 484 00:20:31,171 --> 00:20:32,355 You did. 485 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:34,523 Did it work? 486 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,654 We'll see. 487 00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:44,358 I can't lie to you, America. 488 00:20:44,435 --> 00:20:46,869 I might get her those boots. 489 00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,497 I might. 490 00:20:52,943 --> 00:20:55,327 Action! 491 00:20:55,404 --> 00:20:58,247 (growling) 492 00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:00,749 (laughter) 493 00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,751 So I guess you found it then, right? 494 00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,253 Oh, don't go in there. 495 00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:06,964 You want to let it air out a little bit. 496 00:21:07,041 --> 00:21:10,092 (laughter) 497 00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:12,428 A Camera Only. Marker. 498 00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:13,721 Who's that baby with the ugly bed? 499 00:21:13,797 --> 00:21:14,972 Ugly pointy head? 500 00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:17,692 Who's that ugly baby with the pointy head? 501 00:21:17,768 --> 00:21:19,860 Man, that's the one who pooted. 502 00:21:22,931 --> 00:21:25,074 Captioned by VISUAL DATA 34414

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