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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,801 --> 00:00:19,852 The American Dream is to have a house, 2 00:00:19,928 --> 00:00:22,554 get married and have a family. 3 00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:25,057 You know what the problem with that is? 4 00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,768 The person you marry also has a family. 5 00:00:27,844 --> 00:00:29,770 Then you get in-laws. 6 00:00:29,846 --> 00:00:31,688 I'm not saying nothing, 7 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,158 but father-in-law's birthday... 8 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,868 I ain't saying nothing. 9 00:00:35,944 --> 00:00:37,235 BRYANA: Uncle Bernie! 10 00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:39,738 Kids still driving me crazy. 11 00:00:39,815 --> 00:00:44,126 Let me go say something, before I say something. 12 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:49,923 Hey, what's up? 13 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,084 Oh, uh, we need pictures of Aunt Wanda 14 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:53,418 when she was a baby. 15 00:00:53,495 --> 00:00:56,046 We're making a collage for Grandpa's birthday. 16 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,339 That's a stupid present. 17 00:00:57,415 --> 00:00:59,424 I got something way better. 18 00:00:59,501 --> 00:01:00,559 Well... 19 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,053 What the hell... 20 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,805 A box of roaches? 21 00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:06,248 No, they're cuff links. 22 00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,734 And they're not roaches, they're scarab beetles. 23 00:01:08,811 --> 00:01:10,352 Ancient Egyptian bugs 24 00:01:10,428 --> 00:01:11,812 that crawl in your skin and eat your brains. 25 00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:12,854 They're valuable. 26 00:01:12,931 --> 00:01:14,073 Wow. 27 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,777 Figure it out. 28 00:01:18,854 --> 00:01:21,196 I'm not saying it's not a good promotion, Daddy, 29 00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:23,740 I just started thinking, "If I can run a division 30 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:27,160 at West Coast Wireless, I can run my own business." 31 00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:29,037 Yeah, but starting your own business 32 00:01:29,114 --> 00:01:30,205 is too risky, Wanda. 33 00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:32,207 You should accept that promotion. 34 00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:34,209 You know what, Lloyd, that's good advice. 35 00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:35,551 Plus it'd be good, 36 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:36,612 that promotion would be real good for you. 37 00:01:36,688 --> 00:01:38,213 And it comes with a package deal. 38 00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:41,049 Laker tickets, courtside. 39 00:01:41,126 --> 00:01:42,284 It's about more than 40 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,469 the flash and the perks, Hollywood. 41 00:01:44,546 --> 00:01:47,347 Wanda needs to think about her security. 42 00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:50,400 Now you hold up now, Lloyd, because I am her security. 43 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,237 Do you two realize that you're agreeing 44 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,738 and fighting at the same time? 45 00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:55,989 (both men scoff) 46 00:01:56,066 --> 00:01:57,440 You know, it's like the story 47 00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,151 of the ant and the grasshopper. 48 00:01:59,227 --> 00:02:00,244 Here we go. 49 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,529 See, the ant spends all summer 50 00:02:02,606 --> 00:02:04,322 storing up food, preparing himself 51 00:02:04,399 --> 00:02:06,116 for the long, hard winter ahead. 52 00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:07,993 The grasshopper, on the other hand, 53 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,120 sits around playing his fiddle all day. 54 00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:12,330 They didn't have basketball back then. 55 00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,457 Well, I see the ant is enjoying 56 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:16,960 the hospitality of the grasshopper. 57 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:19,129 Wanda, when you want to hear some wisdom, 58 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,181 you come find me. 59 00:02:27,097 --> 00:02:29,222 See what I mean about in-laws, America? 60 00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:31,433 Always trying to put their two cents in. 61 00:02:31,509 --> 00:02:33,402 You don't see me at their house telling them 62 00:02:33,478 --> 00:02:36,021 what brand of fiber to use, or which pair of pants 63 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,106 to pull all the way up to their bellybutton. 64 00:02:38,183 --> 00:02:39,482 I'll be glad when they're gone. 65 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:42,027 Got my house smelling all funny. 66 00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,695 In-laws a trip. 67 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:46,790 Smell like George Clinton. 68 00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:51,295 Look, Bernie. 69 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:54,414 I know you've never gotten along with Daddy, 70 00:02:54,491 --> 00:02:56,842 but do you have to get into an argument with him 71 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:58,635 every time he's here? 72 00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,848 I promised Mama I wouldn't say anything... 73 00:03:02,925 --> 00:03:03,932 What's going on? 74 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,135 They're having money problems. 75 00:03:07,212 --> 00:03:08,211 What? 76 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:10,305 What type of money problems? 77 00:03:10,382 --> 00:03:12,515 It's not serious, but they're cutting back, 78 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:16,570 which is why they can't get the new car that they wanted. 79 00:03:16,647 --> 00:03:17,946 (chuckling) 80 00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:21,241 I knew it was something. I knew it. 81 00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:22,442 The last time he was here 82 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:24,152 it was all he was talking about. 83 00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:25,904 "New Cadillac, Cadillac. 84 00:03:25,981 --> 00:03:27,739 I'm going to get a Cadillac." 85 00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:28,832 Yeah, I guess the ant 86 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,700 got to change his story now, don't he? 87 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,286 Broke ass. 88 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:35,914 Bernie, I'm serious. 89 00:03:35,991 --> 00:03:37,540 I need you to do this for me. 90 00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,635 I need you to be nice to my father. 91 00:03:39,711 --> 00:03:41,303 Oh, Wanda, what you want me to do? 92 00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:43,463 You said it yourself, we don't get along, baby. 93 00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:44,923 Well why don't you try this... 94 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,049 Okay, what? 95 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,343 Try being as nice to my father 96 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:51,230 as you would be to Big Mama. 97 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,484 I used to get along with Lloyd great 98 00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:06,319 back when I first met Wanda. 99 00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:07,654 But then something happened. 100 00:04:07,731 --> 00:04:09,572 And you need to hear the whole story, 101 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,825 so let me give you a little something 102 00:04:11,901 --> 00:04:12,876 from back in the day. 103 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,327 (music plays) 104 00:04:14,404 --> 00:04:15,912 Oh, yeah. You hear that? 105 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,872 Y'all remember that. 106 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:23,003 (music continues) 107 00:04:23,079 --> 00:04:28,267 ...back in the day, when I had silk drawers on... 108 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,684 (doorbell rings) 109 00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,737 MAN: Coming. 110 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,481 Hey, how's it hanging, Mr. Thomas? 111 00:04:43,558 --> 00:04:45,567 Hey, Bernard, I thought it would be you. 112 00:04:45,643 --> 00:04:47,360 And this should be Mississippi. 113 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,779 All right, I almost got all 50 states. 114 00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:52,240 Wow, man, the last time I saw a plate against a wall 115 00:04:52,317 --> 00:04:54,242 was when my mama threw it at my daddy. 116 00:04:54,319 --> 00:04:55,419 (laughing) 117 00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,120 Bye, Daddy, I'm late. 118 00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,007 (music plays) 119 00:05:03,462 --> 00:05:06,013 Wanda, don't forget to stop at the bakery. 120 00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,767 You want a closer look? 121 00:05:12,295 --> 00:05:13,437 What? 122 00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:16,097 The plates-- would you like a closer look? 123 00:05:16,174 --> 00:05:18,308 Hell, no, Mr. Thomas. I got to go. 124 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,310 Thank you. 125 00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,396 Wow, the story starts off real nice, doesn't it? 126 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,814 Well, I couldn't see it, 127 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,317 but there was a dark cloud on the horizon. 128 00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:28,818 You all just be patient, 129 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,653 it'll take a while for the storm to come, 130 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:34,699 but when it does, Hurricane Lloyd is going to wreck shop. 131 00:05:34,776 --> 00:05:36,284 He's a m... 132 00:05:36,361 --> 00:05:38,286 You know the word. 133 00:05:38,363 --> 00:05:40,413 WANDA: Someone sent me a package? 134 00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:41,998 "Bernard Mac"? 135 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,800 I don't know a Bernard Mac. 136 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,085 You do now. 137 00:05:45,161 --> 00:05:46,169 My people call me Bernie, 138 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,171 but Mac is my title and my name, 139 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,806 as you'll soon find out. 140 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,351 You know, you should have that printed on a card 141 00:05:52,427 --> 00:05:54,469 so you don't have to embarrass yourself 142 00:05:54,546 --> 00:05:55,970 by saying it out loud. 143 00:05:56,047 --> 00:05:57,680 Ooh, spicy. I like that. 144 00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:59,557 Come on, now, open up your present. 145 00:05:59,634 --> 00:06:01,184 You know, I don't have time for games. 146 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:02,235 I'm late. 147 00:06:02,312 --> 00:06:03,311 All right, let me guess. 148 00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:04,713 A fine thing like yourself, 149 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,107 either a runway model or you're an actress, huh? 150 00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:08,608 I'll have you know 151 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,994 I am in the executive training program 152 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,570 at Chicago Telecom. 153 00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:15,865 There's nothing on my resume that says "fine thing." 154 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,367 Oh, not yet, America. 155 00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:18,751 See, you won't appreciate 156 00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:20,537 why there's a beef between me and Lloyd 157 00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,631 until you appreciate what I had to go through 158 00:06:22,707 --> 00:06:24,707 to get Wanda in the first place. 159 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,593 See, she made a brother work, too. 160 00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:28,670 But I could tell my baby was worth it. 161 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,423 Plus, the Mac Man had plenty of game, 162 00:06:31,499 --> 00:06:32,540 plenty of game. 163 00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:34,467 That's how we talked back then. 164 00:06:34,544 --> 00:06:36,344 Trust me, America, it worked. 165 00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:37,929 Just keep watching. 166 00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,856 Keep watching. 167 00:06:46,431 --> 00:06:48,398 BERNIE: Wanda Thomas? 168 00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,283 Wanda Thomas. 169 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,860 Hey, hey, Wanda, how you doing? 170 00:06:51,936 --> 00:06:53,778 Girl, you might as well get an account number 171 00:06:53,855 --> 00:06:56,281 you going to keep receiving all these packages. 172 00:06:56,357 --> 00:06:58,283 Who are you? 173 00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,951 Oh, right here. 174 00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:01,044 Right there. 175 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,120 (chuckles) 176 00:07:02,197 --> 00:07:04,414 "Mac, it's both a name and a title"? 177 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:05,549 It is I. 178 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,050 Mind if I keep this and show my friends? 179 00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,068 No, no. 180 00:07:08,144 --> 00:07:09,169 You ought to take time out, 181 00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:10,462 come see me perform. 182 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,504 Okay. 183 00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:13,265 Yeah, look. Check that out. 184 00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:17,093 Uh, this is a train schedule. 185 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,428 Yeah. 186 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,471 I perform on the El. 187 00:07:19,547 --> 00:07:20,972 See, right on the back here. 188 00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:23,141 I circle my scheduled times I perform. 189 00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:25,518 You think I'm going to ride the El train 190 00:07:25,595 --> 00:07:27,187 just to watch you perform? 191 00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:29,772 Baby, I know you're going to come watch me perform, 192 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:32,242 because this right here is undeniable. 193 00:07:33,945 --> 00:07:35,653 Okay, now that's funny and so is this. 194 00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:38,582 Yeah, funny or not, like I said, 195 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,366 this right here. 196 00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:41,659 So with that, 197 00:07:41,736 --> 00:07:44,162 Miss Wanda, I'm going to leave you, 198 00:07:44,239 --> 00:07:45,538 let you do your thing. 199 00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:47,540 So, your exit is where? 200 00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:49,092 Trust your instincts. 201 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,753 All right, now, last show. 202 00:07:51,829 --> 00:07:53,755 6:30, 6:30 now. 203 00:07:53,831 --> 00:07:55,724 Oh, look at Mr. Businessman. 204 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,133 How you doing, baby? 205 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,635 Boy, those some thick glasses. 206 00:07:58,711 --> 00:07:59,710 Let me ask a question. 207 00:07:59,788 --> 00:08:00,753 When you look at a map, 208 00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:02,180 can you see the people waving? 209 00:08:02,257 --> 00:08:03,515 (laughing) 210 00:08:03,591 --> 00:08:04,682 Huh, man? 211 00:08:04,759 --> 00:08:05,850 I'm just kidding with you. 212 00:08:05,927 --> 00:08:07,110 All right, you squares, 213 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,771 don't forget, 6:30. 214 00:08:09,847 --> 00:08:12,190 Last show, everybody. 215 00:08:12,267 --> 00:08:13,942 I'll be danged. 216 00:08:14,018 --> 00:08:17,195 Girl, I knew you couldn't resist. 217 00:08:17,272 --> 00:08:19,447 No, I came to tell you to stop sending me packages 218 00:08:19,524 --> 00:08:21,324 and stop coming to my job. 219 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,836 There is no... this. 220 00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:28,206 You're not my type. 221 00:08:28,283 --> 00:08:29,874 Oh, I see. 222 00:08:29,951 --> 00:08:32,710 So you came all the way across town, took two transfers, 223 00:08:32,787 --> 00:08:35,004 just to tell me that I'm not your type. 224 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,297 Well, see, baby, I'm sorry. 225 00:08:36,374 --> 00:08:37,382 That's this. 226 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,008 Well... 227 00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:42,269 while you're here, like to stay and watch the show? 228 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,433 You better be funny. 229 00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:49,561 (crowd oohs) 230 00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:51,854 Who you with?! 231 00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:54,399 It's show time. 232 00:08:54,475 --> 00:08:56,568 You like how I did that, don't you, America? 233 00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:57,927 Yes, sir. 234 00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,955 See, when it's meant to be, you just know it. 235 00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:03,375 By the way, you and me, America, yes, sir. 236 00:09:03,451 --> 00:09:04,617 We got this, too. 237 00:09:04,694 --> 00:09:06,995 Don't be bashful. You can admit it. 238 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:10,915 Well, not maybe all of you, but most of us. 239 00:09:10,992 --> 00:09:16,429 America, you and me, baby, huh? 240 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,808 (doorbell rings) 241 00:09:19,884 --> 00:09:22,802 Wanda, your date is here. 242 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,105 WANDA: I'll be down in a minute! 243 00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:29,934 They let you work like that? 244 00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:32,020 No, actually, I'm-I'm... 245 00:09:32,096 --> 00:09:33,605 He's here to take me out. 246 00:09:33,681 --> 00:09:35,815 You're dating the delivery guy? 247 00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:37,900 Um, actually Mr. Thomas, I'm a comedian. 248 00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,777 Oh, a delivery guy and a comedian. 249 00:09:39,854 --> 00:09:41,362 Yeah, at night. 250 00:09:41,439 --> 00:09:42,614 Well, I don't know what I was worried about. 251 00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:43,823 Well... 252 00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,075 WANDA: He's very funny. 253 00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,328 Then why haven't I seen him on Johnny Carson, 254 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:51,256 or in the movies? 255 00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,167 Well, I can explain, and the reason being 256 00:09:54,243 --> 00:09:56,386 because I perform on the El in Chicago. 257 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,921 I mean, if you find a little time, maybe 258 00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:00,340 you want to come see me perform sometime. 259 00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:01,549 Excellent. 260 00:10:01,626 --> 00:10:02,625 Maybe afterwards 261 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:03,801 we could catch a play on a bus. 262 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,044 No, no, Mr. Thomas. 263 00:10:05,122 --> 00:10:06,738 If you really feel uncomfortable with that, 264 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,899 maybe you need to come see me this Friday at Tickles. 265 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,271 Turn this on. Is it on? 266 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,032 (chuckling) 267 00:10:17,108 --> 00:10:18,775 Yeah, I don't think it's on. 268 00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:19,817 Thought you all came 269 00:10:19,894 --> 00:10:21,778 to have a good time. 270 00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:23,821 MAN (sarcastically): Ha-ha. 271 00:10:23,898 --> 00:10:24,864 W-What's up? 272 00:10:24,941 --> 00:10:27,417 What's up?! 273 00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:33,465 Well, look at this guy's glasses. 274 00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:35,124 Um... 275 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:38,378 They're so thick you can look at a map and... 276 00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:40,880 and, um... 277 00:10:40,957 --> 00:10:43,216 see people waving. 278 00:10:43,292 --> 00:10:45,185 (Wanda laughs) 279 00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,641 It was a tough crowd tonight. 280 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,601 Tell me about it. 281 00:10:53,678 --> 00:10:57,522 Um, Wanda, why don't you go and call the restaurant 282 00:10:57,598 --> 00:11:01,534 and tell them we're going to be a little early. 283 00:11:01,611 --> 00:11:03,453 Okay, Daddy. 284 00:11:06,190 --> 00:11:09,534 Let's you and I cut to the chase, Bernard. 285 00:11:09,610 --> 00:11:12,161 I just thought you weren't good enough for my daughter 286 00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,788 when you were the deliveryman. 287 00:11:13,865 --> 00:11:16,999 But now I'm sure of it. 288 00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,877 You know what, Mr. Thomas? 289 00:11:19,954 --> 00:11:21,629 It ain't what you think. 290 00:11:21,706 --> 00:11:23,256 It's what Wanda think. 291 00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:24,882 Why do you think Wanda brought me here tonight? 292 00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:27,885 I'm here because she wanted my approval 293 00:11:27,962 --> 00:11:30,188 before things went forward. 294 00:11:30,265 --> 00:11:35,059 So, we're all going to go to dinner now, and... 295 00:11:35,136 --> 00:11:38,488 I'd appreciate it if this is the last time you see my daughter. 296 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:41,566 Mr. Thomas... 297 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,426 why don't you tell Wanda I'm not feeling good. 298 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:46,362 MAN (over microphone): Thank you. Thank you. Boy, Chicago, 299 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:47,831 the windy city. 300 00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,657 And today I found out why they call it the windy city: 301 00:11:49,734 --> 00:11:51,534 Hey, easy on the bratwurst. 302 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:55,255 (laughs) 303 00:12:03,164 --> 00:12:06,090 America, now it should be totally clear 304 00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:08,092 why me and Lloyd don't get along. 305 00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:10,928 Why, there's beef, static, bad blood, 306 00:12:11,005 --> 00:12:14,015 stains, heat, all kind of friction. 307 00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,017 Oh! But I'm about to be the bigger man. 308 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,276 Yes, sir. 309 00:12:17,354 --> 00:12:18,936 I'm gonna keep my promise to my baby 310 00:12:19,013 --> 00:12:21,114 and be nice to her daddy. 311 00:12:21,191 --> 00:12:22,982 He gonna tell me I'm not good enough? 312 00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:24,016 (chuckles) 313 00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:26,035 Man, he don't want none of it. 314 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,653 He don't want... 315 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,989 His wife was... 316 00:12:30,066 --> 00:12:32,292 Moving on. 317 00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:33,576 So, honey, I'm going to take my parents 318 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,161 to Long Beach to see the Queen Mary. 319 00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:36,871 Yeah, I'd better go pull the car around 320 00:12:36,948 --> 00:12:38,122 if we're gonna beat traffic. 321 00:12:38,199 --> 00:12:39,749 Hold on, now, Lloyd. I'm not too comfortable 322 00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:40,833 with you driving that car 323 00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:42,218 all the way to Long Beach. 324 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,628 It is leaking oil. 325 00:12:43,704 --> 00:12:44,879 Why don't you take the new car? 326 00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,364 What new car? 327 00:12:46,441 --> 00:12:47,882 The new car that I'm buying you for your birthday. 328 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,008 What? 329 00:12:49,085 --> 00:12:50,318 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. 330 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,136 Why are you being so generous all of a sudden? 331 00:12:52,213 --> 00:12:54,138 Well, Lloyd, it is your 65th birthday, 332 00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:57,141 and what can you buy a man who has everything? 333 00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:59,018 Well, it sure beats the hell out of the tie 334 00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:00,144 you gave me last year. 335 00:13:00,221 --> 00:13:01,771 (laughter) 336 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:02,830 Honey? Mm-hmm? 337 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,232 I love what you're doing for Daddy, 338 00:13:04,308 --> 00:13:05,983 so I'm going to leave you two alone 339 00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:07,535 so he'll know that this is your thing. 340 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,287 Plus, I saw a convertible over there 341 00:13:09,364 --> 00:13:11,790 that looks like it needs a mama. 342 00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:14,793 Hey... Hey, Lloyd, look at this. 343 00:13:14,869 --> 00:13:16,336 "Antilock brakes, air bag." 344 00:13:16,412 --> 00:13:18,287 Got a clock in the dashboard. 345 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,423 Lloyd, I think we found your car. 346 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,416 LLOYD: This car is beautiful. 347 00:13:22,493 --> 00:13:24,552 Man, I'm so glad you like... 348 00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:27,880 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 349 00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,173 Whoa, Lloyd, Lloyd. 350 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,925 Come on, now, this too much car for you. 351 00:13:31,002 --> 00:13:32,176 Oh, I think not, Son-in-law. 352 00:13:32,253 --> 00:13:33,711 You know I like to ride in style. 353 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,763 You'll notice my Seville is top of the line. 354 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,057 It was top of the line 12 years ago, pimp. 355 00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:39,100 The line has moved. 356 00:13:39,176 --> 00:13:40,768 These cars got FM in 'em now. 357 00:13:40,845 --> 00:13:41,936 Oh, come on, Hollywood. 358 00:13:42,013 --> 00:13:43,029 Oh. 359 00:13:43,106 --> 00:13:44,864 Hey, listen, it doesn't cost anything 360 00:13:44,941 --> 00:13:46,065 to talk to a salesman. 361 00:13:46,142 --> 00:13:48,317 Look, this is a gift for my Grandpa, 362 00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,902 so I'm willing to make a deal. 363 00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:51,054 But if you don't need 364 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,697 to make a sale this week, I'll walk. 365 00:13:52,773 --> 00:13:55,324 Look, kid, the key chain's $3.50. 366 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,577 You want it or not? 367 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:58,744 (sighs) 368 00:13:58,821 --> 00:14:00,830 Okay, I'll take it. 369 00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:03,082 Does this have the six-disc CD changer in dash? 370 00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:04,876 See, hold-hold hold up, hold on. 371 00:14:04,952 --> 00:14:06,294 This-This one I draw the line. 372 00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:07,837 Lloyd, come on now. 373 00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,131 You don't even own six CDs. 374 00:14:10,207 --> 00:14:11,224 You know what, young man? 375 00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:13,342 I'm sorry to have even bothered you. 376 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,385 Thank you very much. 377 00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,428 Bernie, I'm just going 378 00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:16,721 to hold on to the Seville, 379 00:14:16,797 --> 00:14:18,514 even though it's 12 years old. 380 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,107 Well, Lloyd, what you mean by that? 381 00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:22,268 All of a sudden me buying you a new car ain't good enough? 382 00:14:22,345 --> 00:14:23,627 Well, this just doesn't feel like me. 383 00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,062 You know, I'm not the type to skimp. 384 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,314 Skimp?! 385 00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:27,315 Lloyd, first of all, 386 00:14:27,391 --> 00:14:28,599 you ought to be grateful 387 00:14:28,677 --> 00:14:30,776 that somebody would want to buy you a car 388 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,111 with your broke ass. 389 00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:34,071 Broke? 390 00:14:34,148 --> 00:14:35,114 Bernie? 391 00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:37,199 Who the hell said I was broke? 392 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,251 Grandpa's broke? 393 00:14:38,328 --> 00:14:39,327 Listen, Lloyd... 394 00:14:39,403 --> 00:14:40,786 No, no, you listen. 395 00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:41,880 I can buy my own 396 00:14:41,956 --> 00:14:44,081 damn car. 397 00:14:44,158 --> 00:14:45,166 Lloyd... 398 00:14:45,242 --> 00:14:46,167 Daddy? Daddy, 399 00:14:46,243 --> 00:14:47,835 wait. 400 00:14:47,912 --> 00:14:49,470 (Wanda sighs) 401 00:14:51,749 --> 00:14:55,310 So, what's your return policy? 402 00:14:56,587 --> 00:14:58,304 America, you saw what happened. 403 00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,640 I was provoked, pushed to the edge. 404 00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:03,684 Here I am buying Lloyd a car, and he's getting greedy. 405 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,270 Unnecessary stuff like heated seats, seat belts. 406 00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:08,648 If you want heated seats, park in the sun. 407 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,108 You want a seat belt, get you a rope. 408 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,276 And a GPS system? 409 00:15:12,353 --> 00:15:14,203 When he only drives to the park and back. 410 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,656 He was exploiting my giving heart, America. 411 00:15:16,732 --> 00:15:19,125 And I ain't gonna stand for no ... taste. 412 00:15:19,202 --> 00:15:20,826 I ain't gonna stand for it. 413 00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:22,837 No, I ain't. 414 00:15:23,948 --> 00:15:24,914 Hey, 415 00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:27,300 where's the Cadillac? 416 00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:28,876 (whispering): Grandpa's broke. 417 00:15:28,953 --> 00:15:30,002 Come on, now. 418 00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:31,671 Come on, baby. 419 00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:33,756 You know what? I trusted you. 420 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:34,741 That was a secret. 421 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,425 Wanda, I'll make it up to you. 422 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,303 Unless you can give my father his pride back, 423 00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,263 there's really not much else 424 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,566 you can do, is there? 425 00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,395 Oh! 426 00:15:47,471 --> 00:15:49,739 Wanda, come on now. 427 00:15:53,403 --> 00:15:55,152 Look what I made for Grandpa. 428 00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:57,279 It's almost as ugly as the collage. 429 00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:58,439 Well, Vanessa says 430 00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,792 he's gonna love our present the best. 431 00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:08,457 Ooh, this key chain is so bright. 432 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,793 Hurts my eyes. 433 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,044 Let me see. 434 00:16:12,121 --> 00:16:13,212 You want it? It's worth 435 00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:15,339 $100, but I'll sell it to you 436 00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:16,465 for five. 437 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,217 Why don't you want it? 438 00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:19,593 Well, it turns out 439 00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:22,471 that I'm allergic to 100% solid gold. 440 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,307 I'll go get my piggy bank. 441 00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,184 (snickering laugh) 442 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:30,405 Like taking candy from a baby. 443 00:16:38,448 --> 00:16:42,074 You come out here to gloat? 444 00:16:42,151 --> 00:16:44,368 Tease me for being broke? 445 00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:46,579 Lloyd, sometime we... 446 00:16:46,655 --> 00:16:49,090 say things that we later regret. 447 00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,462 Guess I was trying to hurt you. 448 00:16:54,538 --> 00:16:57,715 I've been trying to hurt you for 15 years. 449 00:16:57,792 --> 00:17:00,134 Something happened back then 450 00:17:00,211 --> 00:17:01,927 that we never talked about, 451 00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:04,597 but we've been dealing with ever since. 452 00:17:04,673 --> 00:17:07,641 Lloyd, you said I wasn't going to make it. 453 00:17:07,718 --> 00:17:10,853 And that I wasn't good enough for Wanda. 454 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,480 I remember. 455 00:17:12,556 --> 00:17:14,615 Man, that hurt me. 456 00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:18,119 That hurt me real bad. 457 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,659 You're welcome. 458 00:17:25,736 --> 00:17:28,463 What? 459 00:17:28,539 --> 00:17:30,840 You're welcome. 460 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,752 15 years ago, I said exactly what you needed to hear 461 00:17:34,829 --> 00:17:36,962 to motivate you to become the success 462 00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:38,139 that you are today. 463 00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:40,633 Anybody want an old man? 464 00:17:40,709 --> 00:17:42,927 So you're welcome. 465 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:44,979 What?! 466 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,608 Man, you want to run that by me again? 467 00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:52,111 Am I hearing the words come out of your mouth right? 468 00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:55,656 So, what you telling me... 469 00:18:05,609 --> 00:18:06,709 What you telling me is 470 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,212 the ant invested in the grasshopper, huh? 471 00:18:10,948 --> 00:18:12,965 You see what happened there, America, 472 00:18:13,042 --> 00:18:15,793 is I sent Lloyd's pride a life preserver. 473 00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:18,337 Now don't get me wrong, I'm no saint. 474 00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,673 But I made a promise to my baby Wanda 475 00:18:20,749 --> 00:18:23,717 to be nice to her daddy, as I was to Big Mama. 476 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:26,470 And I would have done anything to save Big Mama 477 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,705 from the slightest hurt. 478 00:18:27,782 --> 00:18:29,890 But you better keep your eye on me, though. 479 00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:32,101 'Cause if he says one more thing... 480 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,152 I'm sorry, Big Mama. 481 00:18:33,229 --> 00:18:34,895 He keeps pushing me. 482 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,272 But I'm cool. 483 00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,199 I'm real cool. 484 00:18:38,276 --> 00:18:39,549 Yeah, that's right. 485 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,994 The ant invested in the grasshopper. 486 00:18:42,071 --> 00:18:45,832 And got a pretty nice return on my investment, too. 487 00:18:48,777 --> 00:18:51,295 And so did Wanda. 488 00:18:59,955 --> 00:19:01,013 How about me and you, uh, go 489 00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:03,257 to that car dealer in the morning? 490 00:19:03,334 --> 00:19:06,310 And pick up that car on me. 491 00:19:07,796 --> 00:19:09,889 I appreciate that, Bernie. 492 00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:12,141 But I'm gonna take care of this myself. 493 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,508 No, no. 494 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,144 I'm gonna go back and get the cheaper model, 495 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,395 like you said. 496 00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,656 Makes a hell of a lot more sense. 497 00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:20,149 Oh, no, no. I-I really ins... 498 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,483 Okay. 499 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,651 (laughs) 500 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,912 Hey, let's do it. 501 00:19:34,749 --> 00:19:36,081 I guess his pride is back, America. 502 00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:37,266 And you know what? 503 00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:38,667 It feels good getting that behind us. 504 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,544 Now I'm not saying we're gonna be buddies. 505 00:19:40,621 --> 00:19:41,795 No, no, I'm not saying that. 506 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,005 'Cause I can't hang with nobody 507 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,590 who wears clown shirts like that. 508 00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:45,758 You know that. 509 00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,092 But it's a start. 510 00:19:47,169 --> 00:19:49,094 And for the record, there's only one person 511 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:52,190 who can take credit for the Mac man's success. 512 00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:55,860 Only one person. 513 00:19:57,471 --> 00:19:59,739 Hey, Wanda! 514 00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:01,741 (sighs) 515 00:20:01,817 --> 00:20:04,109 I've been looking for you for hours. 516 00:20:04,186 --> 00:20:05,244 What are you doing? 517 00:20:05,321 --> 00:20:07,205 And why did you leave the club like that? 518 00:20:08,857 --> 00:20:11,283 Did my father say something to you? 519 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,368 No. No, baby. 520 00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:13,452 He didn't say nothing to me. 521 00:20:13,529 --> 00:20:15,079 I just wanted to be alone. 522 00:20:15,155 --> 00:20:16,263 Bernie Mac, I know 523 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:17,665 you're not going to let one bad night 524 00:20:17,741 --> 00:20:19,750 have you start doubting yourself. 525 00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:23,295 I'm not going to start doubting myself. 526 00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:24,588 Wanda, I come here every day, 527 00:20:24,665 --> 00:20:27,341 and I perform in front of a full train of people. 528 00:20:27,418 --> 00:20:28,425 And I make 'em laugh. 529 00:20:28,502 --> 00:20:30,719 If it don't get no better than that, 530 00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,888 that's okay. 531 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,307 Because right here, I'm King. 532 00:20:35,384 --> 00:20:37,601 This is my stage. 533 00:20:37,678 --> 00:20:39,728 But Bernie, there's a whole world out there 534 00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:40,980 that is waiting for you. 535 00:20:41,056 --> 00:20:42,564 That's where your stage is. 536 00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:43,983 Uh, I don't know, Wanda. 537 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,442 I know. 538 00:20:45,519 --> 00:20:47,319 And I'm going to stay right here 539 00:20:47,396 --> 00:20:49,080 until you know it, too. 540 00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:52,491 Bernie Mac, 541 00:20:52,568 --> 00:20:56,537 you are bigger than the El train. 542 00:20:56,613 --> 00:20:59,206 I think you're right. 543 00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:02,209 With you by my side, 544 00:21:02,286 --> 00:21:04,503 I know you're right. 545 00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:05,629 That's right. 546 00:21:05,706 --> 00:21:07,339 Who you with. 547 00:21:07,416 --> 00:21:09,216 I'm gonna be with you. 548 00:21:09,293 --> 00:21:10,509 (laughter) 549 00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:14,689 (gears whirring) 550 00:21:22,222 --> 00:21:24,106 BERNIE: ... with your punk ... 551 00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:25,783 buy a new car for your punk ... 552 00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,735 Bernie! 553 00:21:27,811 --> 00:21:31,322 LLOYD: Punk? Who says I'm a punk? 554 00:21:31,398 --> 00:21:33,532 Grandpa's a punk? 555 00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:36,877 (laughter) 556 00:21:39,749 --> 00:21:41,966 Captioned by VISUAL DATA 37947

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