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1
00:00:17,801 --> 00:00:19,852
The American Dream
is to have a house,
2
00:00:19,928 --> 00:00:22,554
get married and have a family.
3
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:25,057
You know what
the problem with that is?
4
00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,768
The person you marry
also has a family.
5
00:00:27,844 --> 00:00:29,770
Then you get in-laws.
6
00:00:29,846 --> 00:00:31,688
I'm not saying nothing,
7
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,158
but father-in-law's birthday...
8
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,868
I ain't saying nothing.
9
00:00:35,944 --> 00:00:37,235
BRYANA:
Uncle Bernie!
10
00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:39,738
Kids still driving me crazy.
11
00:00:39,815 --> 00:00:44,126
Let me go say something,
before I say something.
12
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:49,923
Hey, what's up?
13
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,084
Oh, uh, we need
pictures of Aunt Wanda
14
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:53,418
when she was a baby.
15
00:00:53,495 --> 00:00:56,046
We're making a collage
for Grandpa's birthday.
16
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,339
That's a stupid
present.
17
00:00:57,415 --> 00:00:59,424
I got something
way better.
18
00:00:59,501 --> 00:01:00,559
Well...
19
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,053
What the hell...
20
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,805
A box of roaches?
21
00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:06,248
No, they're cuff links.
22
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,734
And they're not roaches,
they're scarab beetles.
23
00:01:08,811 --> 00:01:10,352
Ancient
Egyptian bugs
24
00:01:10,428 --> 00:01:11,812
that crawl in your skin
and eat your brains.
25
00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:12,854
They're valuable.
26
00:01:12,931 --> 00:01:14,073
Wow.
27
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,777
Figure it out.
28
00:01:18,854 --> 00:01:21,196
I'm not saying it's not
a good promotion, Daddy,
29
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:23,740
I just started thinking,
"If I can run a division
30
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:27,160
at West Coast Wireless,
I can run my own business."
31
00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:29,037
Yeah, but starting
your own business
32
00:01:29,114 --> 00:01:30,205
is too risky, Wanda.
33
00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:32,207
You should accept
that promotion.
34
00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:34,209
You know what, Lloyd,
that's good advice.
35
00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:35,551
Plus it'd be good,
36
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:36,612
that promotion would be
real good for you.
37
00:01:36,688 --> 00:01:38,213
And it comes with
a package deal.
38
00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:41,049
Laker tickets, courtside.
39
00:01:41,126 --> 00:01:42,284
It's about
more than
40
00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,469
the flash and the
perks, Hollywood.
41
00:01:44,546 --> 00:01:47,347
Wanda needs to think
about her security.
42
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:50,400
Now you hold up now, Lloyd,
because I am her security.
43
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,237
Do you two realize
that you're agreeing
44
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,738
and fighting
at the same time?
45
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:55,989
(both men scoff)
46
00:01:56,066 --> 00:01:57,440
You know, it's
like the story
47
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,151
of the ant and
the grasshopper.
48
00:01:59,227 --> 00:02:00,244
Here we go.
49
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,529
See, the ant
spends all summer
50
00:02:02,606 --> 00:02:04,322
storing up food,
preparing himself
51
00:02:04,399 --> 00:02:06,116
for the long, hard
winter ahead.
52
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:07,993
The grasshopper,
on the other hand,
53
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,120
sits around playing
his fiddle all day.
54
00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:12,330
They didn't have
basketball back then.
55
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,457
Well, I see
the ant is enjoying
56
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:16,960
the hospitality
of the grasshopper.
57
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:19,129
Wanda, when you want
to hear some wisdom,
58
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,181
you come find me.
59
00:02:27,097 --> 00:02:29,222
See what I mean
about in-laws, America?
60
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:31,433
Always trying to put
their two cents in.
61
00:02:31,509 --> 00:02:33,402
You don't see me at their house
telling them
62
00:02:33,478 --> 00:02:36,021
what brand of fiber to use,
or which pair of pants
63
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,106
to pull all the way up
to their bellybutton.
64
00:02:38,183 --> 00:02:39,482
I'll be glad
when they're gone.
65
00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:42,027
Got my house
smelling all funny.
66
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,695
In-laws a trip.
67
00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:46,790
Smell like George Clinton.
68
00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:51,295
Look, Bernie.
69
00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:54,414
I know you've never
gotten along with Daddy,
70
00:02:54,491 --> 00:02:56,842
but do you have to get
into an argument with him
71
00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:58,635
every time he's here?
72
00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,848
I promised Mama
I wouldn't say anything...
73
00:03:02,925 --> 00:03:03,932
What's going on?
74
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,135
They're having
money problems.
75
00:03:07,212 --> 00:03:08,211
What?
76
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:10,305
What type
of money problems?
77
00:03:10,382 --> 00:03:12,515
It's not serious, but
they're cutting back,
78
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:16,570
which is why they can't get
the new car that they wanted.
79
00:03:16,647 --> 00:03:17,946
(chuckling)
80
00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:21,241
I knew it was something.
I knew it.
81
00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:22,442
The last time
he was here
82
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:24,152
it was all he was
talking about.
83
00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:25,904
"New Cadillac,
Cadillac.
84
00:03:25,981 --> 00:03:27,739
I'm going to get
a Cadillac."
85
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:28,832
Yeah, I guess the ant
86
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,700
got to change his
story now, don't he?
87
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,286
Broke ass.
88
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:35,914
Bernie,
I'm serious.
89
00:03:35,991 --> 00:03:37,540
I need you to do this for me.
90
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,635
I need you to be nice
to my father.
91
00:03:39,711 --> 00:03:41,303
Oh, Wanda, what you
want me to do?
92
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:43,463
You said it yourself, we
don't get along, baby.
93
00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:44,923
Well why don't you
try this...
94
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,049
Okay, what?
95
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,343
Try being as nice to my father
96
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:51,230
as you would be to Big Mama.
97
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,484
I used to get along
with Lloyd great
98
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:06,319
back when I first met Wanda.
99
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:07,654
But then something happened.
100
00:04:07,731 --> 00:04:09,572
And you need to hear
the whole story,
101
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,825
so let me give you
a little something
102
00:04:11,901 --> 00:04:12,876
from back in the day.
103
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,327
(music plays)
104
00:04:14,404 --> 00:04:15,912
Oh, yeah. You hear that?
105
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,872
Y'all remember that.
106
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:23,003
(music continues)
107
00:04:23,079 --> 00:04:28,267
...back in the day, when
I had silk drawers on...
108
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,684
(doorbell rings)
109
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,737
MAN:
Coming.
110
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,481
Hey, how's it hanging,
Mr. Thomas?
111
00:04:43,558 --> 00:04:45,567
Hey, Bernard, I thought
it would be you.
112
00:04:45,643 --> 00:04:47,360
And this should be Mississippi.
113
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,779
All right, I almost got
all 50 states.
114
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:52,240
Wow, man, the last time I saw
a plate against a wall
115
00:04:52,317 --> 00:04:54,242
was when my mama threw it
at my daddy.
116
00:04:54,319 --> 00:04:55,419
(laughing)
117
00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,120
Bye, Daddy,
I'm late.
118
00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,007
(music plays)
119
00:05:03,462 --> 00:05:06,013
Wanda, don't forget
to stop at the bakery.
120
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,767
You want
a closer look?
121
00:05:12,295 --> 00:05:13,437
What?
122
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:16,097
The plates-- would you
like a closer look?
123
00:05:16,174 --> 00:05:18,308
Hell, no, Mr. Thomas.
I got to go.
124
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,310
Thank you.
125
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,396
Wow, the story starts off
real nice, doesn't it?
126
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,814
Well, I couldn't see it,
127
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,317
but there was a dark cloud
on the horizon.
128
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:28,818
You all just be patient,
129
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,653
it'll take a while
for the storm to come,
130
00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:34,699
but when it does, Hurricane
Lloyd is going to wreck shop.
131
00:05:34,776 --> 00:05:36,284
He's a m...
132
00:05:36,361 --> 00:05:38,286
You know the word.
133
00:05:38,363 --> 00:05:40,413
WANDA:
Someone sent me
a package?
134
00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:41,998
"Bernard Mac"?
135
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,800
I don't know a Bernard Mac.
136
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,085
You do now.
137
00:05:45,161 --> 00:05:46,169
My people call me Bernie,
138
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,171
but Mac is my title
and my name,
139
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,806
as you'll soon
find out.
140
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,351
You know, you should
have that printed on a card
141
00:05:52,427 --> 00:05:54,469
so you don't have
to embarrass yourself
142
00:05:54,546 --> 00:05:55,970
by saying it out loud.
143
00:05:56,047 --> 00:05:57,680
Ooh, spicy.
I like that.
144
00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:59,557
Come on, now, open
up your present.
145
00:05:59,634 --> 00:06:01,184
You know, I don't
have time for games.
146
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:02,235
I'm late.
147
00:06:02,312 --> 00:06:03,311
All right,
let me guess.
148
00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:04,713
A fine thing
like yourself,
149
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,107
either a runway model or
you're an actress, huh?
150
00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:08,608
I'll have you know
151
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,994
I am in the executive
training program
152
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,570
at Chicago
Telecom.
153
00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:15,865
There's nothing on my resume
that says "fine thing."
154
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,367
Oh, not yet, America.
155
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:18,751
See, you won't appreciate
156
00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:20,537
why there's a beef
between me and Lloyd
157
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,631
until you appreciate
what I had to go through
158
00:06:22,707 --> 00:06:24,707
to get Wanda
in the first place.
159
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,593
See, she made
a brother work, too.
160
00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:28,670
But I could tell
my baby was worth it.
161
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,423
Plus, the Mac Man
had plenty of game,
162
00:06:31,499 --> 00:06:32,540
plenty of game.
163
00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:34,467
That's how
we talked back then.
164
00:06:34,544 --> 00:06:36,344
Trust me, America, it worked.
165
00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:37,929
Just keep watching.
166
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,856
Keep watching.
167
00:06:46,431 --> 00:06:48,398
BERNIE:
Wanda Thomas?
168
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,283
Wanda Thomas.
169
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,860
Hey, hey, Wanda,
how you doing?
170
00:06:51,936 --> 00:06:53,778
Girl, you might as well
get an account number
171
00:06:53,855 --> 00:06:56,281
you going to keep receiving all
these packages.
172
00:06:56,357 --> 00:06:58,283
Who are you?
173
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,951
Oh, right here.
174
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:01,044
Right there.
175
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,120
(chuckles)
176
00:07:02,197 --> 00:07:04,414
"Mac, it's both a name
and a title"?
177
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:05,549
It is I.
178
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,050
Mind if I keep this
and show my friends?
179
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,068
No, no.
180
00:07:08,144 --> 00:07:09,169
You ought
to take time out,
181
00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:10,462
come see me
perform.
182
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,504
Okay.
183
00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:13,265
Yeah, look.
Check that out.
184
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:17,093
Uh, this is a train schedule.
185
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,428
Yeah.
186
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,471
I perform on the El.
187
00:07:19,547 --> 00:07:20,972
See, right on
the back here.
188
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:23,141
I circle my scheduled
times I perform.
189
00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:25,518
You think I'm going
to ride the El train
190
00:07:25,595 --> 00:07:27,187
just to watch you perform?
191
00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:29,772
Baby, I know you're going
to come watch me perform,
192
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:32,242
because this right
here is undeniable.
193
00:07:33,945 --> 00:07:35,653
Okay, now that's funny
and so is this.
194
00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:38,582
Yeah, funny or not,
like I said,
195
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,366
this right here.
196
00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:41,659
So with that,
197
00:07:41,736 --> 00:07:44,162
Miss Wanda, I'm going
to leave you,
198
00:07:44,239 --> 00:07:45,538
let you do your thing.
199
00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:47,540
So, your exit is where?
200
00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:49,092
Trust your instincts.
201
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,753
All right, now,
last show.
202
00:07:51,829 --> 00:07:53,755
6:30, 6:30 now.
203
00:07:53,831 --> 00:07:55,724
Oh, look at
Mr. Businessman.
204
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,133
How you doing,
baby?
205
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,635
Boy, those some
thick glasses.
206
00:07:58,711 --> 00:07:59,710
Let me ask
a question.
207
00:07:59,788 --> 00:08:00,753
When you look
at a map,
208
00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:02,180
can you see
the people waving?
209
00:08:02,257 --> 00:08:03,515
(laughing)
210
00:08:03,591 --> 00:08:04,682
Huh, man?
211
00:08:04,759 --> 00:08:05,850
I'm just kidding with you.
212
00:08:05,927 --> 00:08:07,110
All right, you squares,
213
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,771
don't forget,
6:30.
214
00:08:09,847 --> 00:08:12,190
Last show, everybody.
215
00:08:12,267 --> 00:08:13,942
I'll be danged.
216
00:08:14,018 --> 00:08:17,195
Girl, I knew
you couldn't resist.
217
00:08:17,272 --> 00:08:19,447
No, I came to tell you
to stop sending me packages
218
00:08:19,524 --> 00:08:21,324
and stop coming
to my job.
219
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,836
There is no... this.
220
00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:28,206
You're not my type.
221
00:08:28,283 --> 00:08:29,874
Oh, I see.
222
00:08:29,951 --> 00:08:32,710
So you came all the way across
town, took two transfers,
223
00:08:32,787 --> 00:08:35,004
just to tell me that
I'm not your type.
224
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,297
Well, see, baby, I'm sorry.
225
00:08:36,374 --> 00:08:37,382
That's this.
226
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,008
Well...
227
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:42,269
while you're here, like
to stay and watch the show?
228
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,433
You better be
funny.
229
00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:49,561
(crowd oohs)
230
00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:51,854
Who you with?!
231
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:54,399
It's show time.
232
00:08:54,475 --> 00:08:56,568
You like how I did that,
don't you, America?
233
00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:57,927
Yes, sir.
234
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,955
See, when it's meant to be,
you just know it.
235
00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:03,375
By the way, you and me, America,
yes, sir.
236
00:09:03,451 --> 00:09:04,617
We got this, too.
237
00:09:04,694 --> 00:09:06,995
Don't be bashful.
You can admit it.
238
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:10,915
Well, not maybe all of you,
but most of us.
239
00:09:10,992 --> 00:09:16,429
America,
you and me, baby, huh?
240
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,808
(doorbell rings)
241
00:09:19,884 --> 00:09:22,802
Wanda, your date is here.
242
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,105
WANDA:
I'll be down
in a minute!
243
00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:29,934
They let you work like that?
244
00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:32,020
No, actually, I'm-I'm...
245
00:09:32,096 --> 00:09:33,605
He's here
to take me out.
246
00:09:33,681 --> 00:09:35,815
You're dating
the delivery guy?
247
00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:37,900
Um, actually Mr. Thomas,
I'm a comedian.
248
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,777
Oh, a delivery guy
and a comedian.
249
00:09:39,854 --> 00:09:41,362
Yeah, at night.
250
00:09:41,439 --> 00:09:42,614
Well, I don't know what
I was worried about.
251
00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:43,823
Well...
252
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,075
WANDA:
He's very funny.
253
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,328
Then why haven't I seen
him on Johnny Carson,
254
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:51,256
or in the movies?
255
00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,167
Well, I can explain,
and the reason being
256
00:09:54,243 --> 00:09:56,386
because I perform
on the El in Chicago.
257
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,921
I mean, if you find
a little time, maybe
258
00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:00,340
you want to come
see me perform sometime.
259
00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:01,549
Excellent.
260
00:10:01,626 --> 00:10:02,625
Maybe afterwards
261
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:03,801
we could catch
a play on a bus.
262
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,044
No, no,
Mr. Thomas.
263
00:10:05,122 --> 00:10:06,738
If you really feel
uncomfortable with that,
264
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,899
maybe you need to come see
me this Friday at Tickles.
265
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,271
Turn this on.
Is it on?
266
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,032
(chuckling)
267
00:10:17,108 --> 00:10:18,775
Yeah, I don't
think it's on.
268
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:19,817
Thought you all came
269
00:10:19,894 --> 00:10:21,778
to have a good time.
270
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:23,821
MAN (sarcastically):
Ha-ha.
271
00:10:23,898 --> 00:10:24,864
W-What's up?
272
00:10:24,941 --> 00:10:27,417
What's up?!
273
00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:33,465
Well, look at
this guy's glasses.
274
00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:35,124
Um...
275
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:38,378
They're so thick you can
look at a map and...
276
00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:40,880
and, um...
277
00:10:40,957 --> 00:10:43,216
see people waving.
278
00:10:43,292 --> 00:10:45,185
(Wanda laughs)
279
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,641
It was a tough
crowd tonight.
280
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,601
Tell me about it.
281
00:10:53,678 --> 00:10:57,522
Um, Wanda, why don't you
go and call the restaurant
282
00:10:57,598 --> 00:11:01,534
and tell them we're going
to be a little early.
283
00:11:01,611 --> 00:11:03,453
Okay, Daddy.
284
00:11:06,190 --> 00:11:09,534
Let's you and I cut
to the chase, Bernard.
285
00:11:09,610 --> 00:11:12,161
I just thought you weren't
good enough for my daughter
286
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,788
when you were
the deliveryman.
287
00:11:13,865 --> 00:11:16,999
But now I'm
sure of it.
288
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,877
You know what, Mr. Thomas?
289
00:11:19,954 --> 00:11:21,629
It ain't what you think.
290
00:11:21,706 --> 00:11:23,256
It's what Wanda think.
291
00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:24,882
Why do you think Wanda
brought me here tonight?
292
00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:27,885
I'm here because she
wanted my approval
293
00:11:27,962 --> 00:11:30,188
before things
went forward.
294
00:11:30,265 --> 00:11:35,059
So, we're all going to
go to dinner now, and...
295
00:11:35,136 --> 00:11:38,488
I'd appreciate it if
this is the last time
you see my daughter.
296
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:41,566
Mr. Thomas...
297
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,426
why don't you tell Wanda
I'm not feeling good.
298
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:46,362
MAN (over microphone):Thank you. Thank you.Boy, Chicago,
299
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:47,831
the windy city.
300
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,657
And today I found out why theycall it the windy city:
301
00:11:49,734 --> 00:11:51,534
Hey, easy on the bratwurst.
302
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:55,255
(laughs)
303
00:12:03,164 --> 00:12:06,090
America, now
it should be totally clear
304
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:08,092
why me
and Lloyd don't get along.
305
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:10,928
Why, there's beef, static,
bad blood,
306
00:12:11,005 --> 00:12:14,015
stains, heat,
all kind of friction.
307
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,017
Oh! But I'm about
to be the bigger man.
308
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,276
Yes, sir.
309
00:12:17,354 --> 00:12:18,936
I'm gonna keep my promise
to my baby
310
00:12:19,013 --> 00:12:21,114
and be nice to her daddy.
311
00:12:21,191 --> 00:12:22,982
He gonna tell me
I'm not good enough?
312
00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:24,016
(chuckles)
313
00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:26,035
Man, he don't want none of it.
314
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,653
He don't want...
315
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,989
His wife was...
316
00:12:30,066 --> 00:12:32,292
Moving on.
317
00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:33,576
So, honey, I'm going
to take my parents
318
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,161
to Long Beach
to see the Queen Mary.
319
00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:36,871
Yeah, I'd better
go pull the car around
320
00:12:36,948 --> 00:12:38,122
if we're gonna beat traffic.
321
00:12:38,199 --> 00:12:39,749
Hold on, now, Lloyd.
I'm not too comfortable
322
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:40,833
with you driving
that car
323
00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:42,218
all the way
to Long Beach.
324
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,628
It is leaking oil.
325
00:12:43,704 --> 00:12:44,879
Why don't you
take the new car?
326
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,364
What new car?
327
00:12:46,441 --> 00:12:47,882
The new car that
I'm buying you
for your birthday.
328
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,008
What?
329
00:12:49,085 --> 00:12:50,318
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold on.
330
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,136
Why are you being so generous
all of a sudden?
331
00:12:52,213 --> 00:12:54,138
Well, Lloyd, it is
your 65th birthday,
332
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:57,141
and what can you buy a
man who has everything?
333
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:59,018
Well, it sure beats the hell
out of the tie
334
00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:00,144
you gave me last year.
335
00:13:00,221 --> 00:13:01,771
(laughter)
336
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:02,830
Honey?
Mm-hmm?
337
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,232
I love what you're doing
for Daddy,
338
00:13:04,308 --> 00:13:05,983
so I'm going
to leave you two alone
339
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:07,535
so he'll know
that this is your thing.
340
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,287
Plus, I saw a convertible
over there
341
00:13:09,364 --> 00:13:11,790
that looks like
it needs a mama.
342
00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:14,793
Hey... Hey, Lloyd, look at this.
343
00:13:14,869 --> 00:13:16,336
"Antilock brakes, air bag."
344
00:13:16,412 --> 00:13:18,287
Got a clock in the dashboard.
345
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,423
Lloyd, I think
we found your car.
346
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,416
LLOYD:
This car is
beautiful.
347
00:13:22,493 --> 00:13:24,552
Man, I'm so glad you like...
348
00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:27,880
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
349
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,173
Whoa, Lloyd, Lloyd.
350
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,925
Come on, now,
this too much car for you.
351
00:13:31,002 --> 00:13:32,176
Oh, I think not,
Son-in-law.
352
00:13:32,253 --> 00:13:33,711
You know I like
to ride in style.
353
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,763
You'll notice
my Seville is
top of the line.
354
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,057
It was top of the line
12 years ago, pimp.
355
00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:39,100
The line has moved.
356
00:13:39,176 --> 00:13:40,768
These cars got FM in 'em now.
357
00:13:40,845 --> 00:13:41,936
Oh, come on,
Hollywood.
358
00:13:42,013 --> 00:13:43,029
Oh.
359
00:13:43,106 --> 00:13:44,864
Hey, listen, it
doesn't cost anything
360
00:13:44,941 --> 00:13:46,065
to talk to
a salesman.
361
00:13:46,142 --> 00:13:48,317
Look, this is a gift
for my Grandpa,
362
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,902
so I'm willing to make a deal.
363
00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:51,054
But if you don't need
364
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,697
to make a sale this week,
I'll walk.
365
00:13:52,773 --> 00:13:55,324
Look, kid,
the key chain's $3.50.
366
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,577
You want it or not?
367
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:58,744
(sighs)
368
00:13:58,821 --> 00:14:00,830
Okay, I'll take it.
369
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:03,082
Does this have the six-disc
CD changer in dash?
370
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:04,876
See, hold-hold hold up,
hold on.
371
00:14:04,952 --> 00:14:06,294
This-This one I draw the line.
372
00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:07,837
Lloyd, come on now.
373
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,131
You don't even own six CDs.
374
00:14:10,207 --> 00:14:11,224
You know what, young man?
375
00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:13,342
I'm sorry
to have even bothered you.
376
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,385
Thank you very much.
377
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,428
Bernie, I'm
just going
378
00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:16,721
to hold on to
the Seville,
379
00:14:16,797 --> 00:14:18,514
even though it's
12 years old.
380
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,107
Well, Lloyd, what you mean
by that?
381
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:22,268
All of a sudden me buying you
a new car ain't good enough?
382
00:14:22,345 --> 00:14:23,627
Well, this just
doesn't feel like me.
383
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,062
You know, I'm not
the type to skimp.
384
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,314
Skimp?!
385
00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:27,315
Lloyd, first of all,
386
00:14:27,391 --> 00:14:28,599
you ought to be grateful
387
00:14:28,677 --> 00:14:30,776
that somebody would want
to buy you a car
388
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,111
with your broke ass.
389
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:34,071
Broke?
390
00:14:34,148 --> 00:14:35,114
Bernie?
391
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:37,199
Who the hell
said I was broke?
392
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,251
Grandpa's broke?
393
00:14:38,328 --> 00:14:39,327
Listen, Lloyd...
394
00:14:39,403 --> 00:14:40,786
No, no, you listen.
395
00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:41,880
I can buy my own
396
00:14:41,956 --> 00:14:44,081
damn car.
397
00:14:44,158 --> 00:14:45,166
Lloyd...
398
00:14:45,242 --> 00:14:46,167
Daddy?
Daddy,
399
00:14:46,243 --> 00:14:47,835
wait.
400
00:14:47,912 --> 00:14:49,470
(Wanda sighs)
401
00:14:51,749 --> 00:14:55,310
So, what's your return policy?
402
00:14:56,587 --> 00:14:58,304
America, you saw what happened.
403
00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,640
I was provoked,
pushed to the edge.
404
00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:03,684
Here I am buying Lloyd a car,
and he's getting greedy.
405
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,270
Unnecessary stuff
like heated seats, seat belts.
406
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:08,648
If you want heated seats,
park in the sun.
407
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,108
You want a seat belt,
get you a rope.
408
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,276
And a GPS system?
409
00:15:12,353 --> 00:15:14,203
When he only drives
to the park and back.
410
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,656
He was exploiting
my giving heart, America.
411
00:15:16,732 --> 00:15:19,125
And I ain't gonna stand
for no ... taste.
412
00:15:19,202 --> 00:15:20,826
I ain't gonna stand for it.
413
00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:22,837
No, I ain't.
414
00:15:23,948 --> 00:15:24,914
Hey,
415
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:27,300
where's the Cadillac?
416
00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:28,876
(whispering):
Grandpa's broke.
417
00:15:28,953 --> 00:15:30,002
Come on, now.
418
00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:31,671
Come on, baby.
419
00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:33,756
You know what?
I trusted you.
420
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:34,741
That was a secret.
421
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,425
Wanda, I'll make it up
to you.
422
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,303
Unless you can
give my father
his pride back,
423
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,263
there's really
not much else
424
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,566
you can do,
is there?
425
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,395
Oh!
426
00:15:47,471 --> 00:15:49,739
Wanda, come on now.
427
00:15:53,403 --> 00:15:55,152
Look what I made
for Grandpa.
428
00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:57,279
It's almost as ugly
as the collage.
429
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:58,439
Well, Vanessa says
430
00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,792
he's gonna love
our present the best.
431
00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:08,457
Ooh, this key chain
is so bright.
432
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,793
Hurts my eyes.
433
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,044
Let me see.
434
00:16:12,121 --> 00:16:13,212
You want it?
It's worth
435
00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:15,339
$100, but I'll sell it to you
436
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:16,465
for five.
437
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,217
Why don't
you want it?
438
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:19,593
Well, it turns out
439
00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:22,471
that I'm allergic
to 100% solid gold.
440
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,307
I'll go get
my piggy bank.
441
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,184
(snickering laugh)
442
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:30,405
Like taking candy from a baby.
443
00:16:38,448 --> 00:16:42,074
You come out here to gloat?
444
00:16:42,151 --> 00:16:44,368
Tease me for being broke?
445
00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:46,579
Lloyd, sometime we...
446
00:16:46,655 --> 00:16:49,090
say things that we later regret.
447
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,462
Guess I was trying to hurt you.
448
00:16:54,538 --> 00:16:57,715
I've been trying to
hurt you for 15 years.
449
00:16:57,792 --> 00:17:00,134
Something happened back then
450
00:17:00,211 --> 00:17:01,927
that we never talked about,
451
00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:04,597
but we've been dealing with
ever since.
452
00:17:04,673 --> 00:17:07,641
Lloyd, you said
I wasn't going
to make it.
453
00:17:07,718 --> 00:17:10,853
And that I wasn't good enough
for Wanda.
454
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,480
I remember.
455
00:17:12,556 --> 00:17:14,615
Man, that hurt me.
456
00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:18,119
That hurt me real bad.
457
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,659
You're welcome.
458
00:17:25,736 --> 00:17:28,463
What?
459
00:17:28,539 --> 00:17:30,840
You're welcome.
460
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,752
15 years ago, I said exactly
what you needed to hear
461
00:17:34,829 --> 00:17:36,962
to motivate you
to become the success
462
00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:38,139
that you are today.
463
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:40,633
Anybody want an old man?
464
00:17:40,709 --> 00:17:42,927
So you're welcome.
465
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:44,979
What?!
466
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,608
Man, you want to run
that by me again?
467
00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:52,111
Am I hearing the words come out
of your mouth right?
468
00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:55,656
So, what you telling me...
469
00:18:05,609 --> 00:18:06,709
What you telling me is
470
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,212
the ant invested
in the grasshopper, huh?
471
00:18:10,948 --> 00:18:12,965
You see what happened there,
America,
472
00:18:13,042 --> 00:18:15,793
is I sent Lloyd's pride
a life preserver.
473
00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:18,337
Now don't get me wrong,
I'm no saint.
474
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,673
But I made a promise
to my baby Wanda
475
00:18:20,749 --> 00:18:23,717
to be nice to her daddy,
as I was to Big Mama.
476
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:26,470
And I would have done anything
to save Big Mama
477
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,705
from the slightest hurt.
478
00:18:27,782 --> 00:18:29,890
But you better keep your eye
on me, though.
479
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:32,101
'Cause if he says
one more thing...
480
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,152
I'm sorry, Big Mama.
481
00:18:33,229 --> 00:18:34,895
He keeps pushing me.
482
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,272
But I'm cool.
483
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,199
I'm real cool.
484
00:18:38,276 --> 00:18:39,549
Yeah, that's right.
485
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,994
The ant invested
in the grasshopper.
486
00:18:42,071 --> 00:18:45,832
And got a pretty nice return
on my investment, too.
487
00:18:48,777 --> 00:18:51,295
And so did Wanda.
488
00:18:59,955 --> 00:19:01,013
How about me
and you, uh, go
489
00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:03,257
to that car dealer
in the morning?
490
00:19:03,334 --> 00:19:06,310
And pick up that car on me.
491
00:19:07,796 --> 00:19:09,889
I appreciate that, Bernie.
492
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:12,141
But I'm gonna take care
of this myself.
493
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,508
No, no.
494
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,144
I'm gonna go back
and get the cheaper model,
495
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,395
like you said.
496
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,656
Makes a hell of a lot
more sense.
497
00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:20,149
Oh, no, no.
I-I really ins...
498
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,483
Okay.
499
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,651
(laughs)
500
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,912
Hey, let's do it.
501
00:19:34,749 --> 00:19:36,081
I guess his pride is back,
America.
502
00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:37,266
And you know what?
503
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:38,667
It feels good getting that
behind us.
504
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,544
Now I'm not saying
we're gonna be buddies.
505
00:19:40,621 --> 00:19:41,795
No, no, I'm not saying that.
506
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,005
'Cause I can't hang with nobody
507
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,590
who wears clown shirts
like that.
508
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:45,758
You know that.
509
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,092
But it's a start.
510
00:19:47,169 --> 00:19:49,094
And for the record,
there's only one person
511
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:52,190
who can take credit
for the Mac man's success.
512
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:55,860
Only one person.
513
00:19:57,471 --> 00:19:59,739
Hey, Wanda!
514
00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:01,741
(sighs)
515
00:20:01,817 --> 00:20:04,109
I've been looking
for you for hours.
516
00:20:04,186 --> 00:20:05,244
What are you doing?
517
00:20:05,321 --> 00:20:07,205
And why did you leave
the club like that?
518
00:20:08,857 --> 00:20:11,283
Did my father say
something to you?
519
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,368
No. No, baby.
520
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:13,452
He didn't say nothing to me.
521
00:20:13,529 --> 00:20:15,079
I just wanted to be alone.
522
00:20:15,155 --> 00:20:16,263
Bernie Mac, I know
523
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:17,665
you're not going
to let one bad night
524
00:20:17,741 --> 00:20:19,750
have you start
doubting yourself.
525
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:23,295
I'm not going to start
doubting myself.
526
00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:24,588
Wanda, I come here every day,
527
00:20:24,665 --> 00:20:27,341
and I perform in front
of a full train of people.
528
00:20:27,418 --> 00:20:28,425
And I make 'em laugh.
529
00:20:28,502 --> 00:20:30,719
If it don't get no better
than that,
530
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,888
that's okay.
531
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,307
Because right here, I'm King.
532
00:20:35,384 --> 00:20:37,601
This is my stage.
533
00:20:37,678 --> 00:20:39,728
But Bernie, there's
a whole world out there
534
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:40,980
that is waiting for you.
535
00:20:41,056 --> 00:20:42,564
That's where
your stage is.
536
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:43,983
Uh, I don't know, Wanda.
537
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,442
I know.
538
00:20:45,519 --> 00:20:47,319
And I'm going to
stay right here
539
00:20:47,396 --> 00:20:49,080
until you know it, too.
540
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:52,491
Bernie Mac,
541
00:20:52,568 --> 00:20:56,537
you are bigger
than the El train.
542
00:20:56,613 --> 00:20:59,206
I think you're right.
543
00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:02,209
With you by my side,
544
00:21:02,286 --> 00:21:04,503
I know you're right.
545
00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:05,629
That's right.
546
00:21:05,706 --> 00:21:07,339
Who you with.
547
00:21:07,416 --> 00:21:09,216
I'm gonna be with you.
548
00:21:09,293 --> 00:21:10,509
(laughter)
549
00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:14,689
(gears whirring)
550
00:21:22,222 --> 00:21:24,106
BERNIE:
... with your punk ...
551
00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:25,783
buy a new car
for your punk ...
552
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,735
Bernie!
553
00:21:27,811 --> 00:21:31,322
LLOYD:
Punk? Who says
I'm a punk?
554
00:21:31,398 --> 00:21:33,532
Grandpa's a punk?
555
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:36,877
(laughter)
556
00:21:39,749 --> 00:21:41,966
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
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