Original subtitles

WANDA: Okay, hurry up. You know what kind of mood

Twan gets in when we're late.

See you, baby.

Alright, you girls have a good time.

Bye, Uncle Bernie.

Oh, ho-hold on, man.

Pump the brakes. Where you going?

I don't have time for questions.

I can't keep Twan waiting.

I'm getting my hair done.

"Done"! Men don't get their hair done.

They get it cut.

Edged. Lined up.

Back in the '80s, sloped, but never done.

Hell, no.

Baby, it's time this boy get his haircut

at a real barbershop.

WANDA: Twan is real.

He keeps my scalp soft.

I think it's the aloe vera.

Come on, come on, come on now, baby.

No, man, don't no real barber

work in no damn salon.

Real barber put rubbing alcohol on your head,

witch hazel-- stuff that hurt.

Why's everything you like always have to hurt?

Look here, look here, Wanda, I'm serious.

It's time for this boy

to start hanging around some men.

Now, I'm talking about men that name ain't Twan.

Now, you getting your haircut

at Earl's Barbershop, and that's it.

Sorry, sweetie.

Come on, girls.

Instead of watching the game,

we'll go get your haircut. Come on.

Get on in there. Ow!

For those of you all that don't know,

in our community, a barbershop's

an important place for a young boy.

See, it's where men talk sports, politics and community,

where wisdom get passed down.

So I might have been raised by Big Mama,

but the barbershop where I learned

how to be one of the fellas.

That's where you learn how to put a little bass in your voice

when you're talking smack, or when you're sitting a cut

and break down what a brother's saying.

You be up there, "Yeah, yeah, that's kinda deep, yeah."

What's up, you squares?!

Hey! Looky here! Ho-ho!

Ha-ha! Bernie Mac!

What's up, dude?

Oh, man, I'm doing good, man.

What's up, man?

Moey, Deke, Wayne.

I ain't scared of you. I ain't scared of you.

Hey, hey, Earl, look here, man.

This is my little nephew, man.

I brought him down here, I want him to get all edged up,

and I want him to hang out with the fellas

time for him to learn something.

Yeah. Well, have a seat over there, Jordan,

Wayne'll be free next.

WAYNE: What's up, little man?

What's up, Earl?

Oh, man, I'm looking good, feeling good. You know what I'm saying?

JORDAN: Jump his king! Jump his king!

No! No! Why'd you do that?

I was winning this time!

What's wrong with you?

Get this kid away from the table!

Take your kid and discipline him.

J-Jordan, Jordan, you don't never touch the board

in the middle of the game.

These guys are serious.

They'll cut you from hole to hole.

I'm sorry, Deacon.

You know, that's why I'm bringing him down here.

He need to hang out with us,

you know what I mean?

Yeah, okay.

BERNIE: What I was saying,

though, Earl, man, I remember, man,

the day, man, we came up in here.

Remember that Christmas party...?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, man, put that down!

Uh, Jordan... Put that down!

Little man... Jordan!

(men yelling)

Put it down.

Don't be doing that. I was watching something.

Thank you.

JORDAN: Wow, look at all these famous people.

They all get their haircut here?

Yeah, man.

Shoot, look here.

Right here-- Colin Powell, man.

You got Cornel West.

Is that you, Uncle Bernie?

Wow. Would you looky there, looky there?

Earl. Mmm?

You know, Earl was only one I let touch my hair

back in the day.

Yeah, that was before you got a personal stylist.

That's bull. I offered you the job first.

You told me you couldn't leave the shop.

Hey, of course not, all right?

My granddaddy's bank on this shop.

♪ Well. ♪

Yeah, then my daddy's bank.

♪ Right on ♪

Now, my bank.

Yeah, I been hearing that. How long you been hearing that, Wayne?

Since the first day I got here.

Hey, look at that now.

That's what I'm talking...

All right.

Throw it down. Throw it down!

(men groaning and yelling)

That's a foul, and you know it!

(yelling continues)

Don't start that now.

Don't start the cussing.

I'm going to put your ass out of here.

Uh-oh, uh-oh!

You don't tell me how to talk.

Are they going to fight, Uncle Bernie?

No, c-come, come here.

They're not about to fight.

They're just talking junk.

That's what men do.

That's how we have fun.

I want you to listen.

You'll learn something, okay?

What you gonna do to 'em, Earl?

You see how scared that boy got, America?

He probably squirted a few drops.

But see, that's why I brought him down here--

to show him how men express themselves-- loud, aggressive.

It's good for him.

Put hair on his chest.

Get those stones to drop.

Huh. The barbershop.

I've got to say, girls,

we are hot.

Yes, we are.

(laughing)

Thanks, Aunt Wanda.

Oh, you're welcome, babies.

Let's go.

(beeping)

Wha-What was that?

The house beeped.

There isn't any smoke,

so, it must be broken.

We need Uncle Bernie.

Ladies, we may look fabulous,

but we are also three intelligent, independent women.

There is nothing that we need a man to do

that we cannot do for ourselves.

You're right.

Exactly.

So, it's probably uh, a battery.

We just need a ladder.

Ooh, the beeping! Oh!

Be careful because I'm tender-headed.

I find that a nice scalp massage really helps.

Be slow around the temples,

and I'll have to release some tension.

Boy, shut up, man.

He ain't used to no real barbershop, you know?

Don't worry about it, little man.

I'm gonna hook you up with some waves

so your girlfriend can play with them.

Girlfriend? I'm only ten.

When I was ten, I had a girlfriend

for every day of the week.

Watch out, man. Watch out.

(laughing)

Earl, that's because in Alabama,

just being able to read, you could get a girlfriend.

But fifth grade girls now-- too sophisticated.

Amen! (chuckling)

Little man, all you really need to do

is get on a team.

Then the girls come lining up.

Well, I'm already being recruited

for the junior high science team.

But I don't want to go metric too early.

Son, he ain't talking about that kind of team.

See, sports really ain't his thing.

You know, he got asthma.

Oh.

Uncle Bernie says I have the lungs of a butterfly,

which is funny, because butterflies

don't even have lungs.

They breathe through their skin like this.

(men laughing) BERNIE: Settle down. Come on.

Calm down. Come on. Come on. Sit up.

You know, Jordan, you're pretty smart.

I bet you'd make a good scientist,

like George Washington Carver.

You know, he invented peanut butter.

A black man.

Or Benjamin Banneker,

made the first working clock in America.

A black man.

You just keep it up. (chuckling)

Let me tell you how smart this boy is.

The other day...

That was unfair! He pushed him!

Good call, little man! Yeah, he did push him.

It was?

It sure was a good call, J.

Push him? He ain't touched him.

What is y'all talking about?

You're crazy! He pushed him!

(all arguing)

WANDA: Honey, you would be proud.

The smoke alarm had a little wiring problem,

and we girls fixed it.

You mean to tell me you got involved

with some wires?

(doorbell ringing)

(doorbell ringing)

Baby, why don't you just...?

There must be a cross-wiring problem,

and I will fix it after dinner.

A do-rag?

Helps my waves come in.

Boy, take that thing off your head right now.

This ain't BET.

Act like you got some sense.

Ooh, grape juice.

You know what they say.

"The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice."

Okay. And... where did you get that from?

The barbershop.

Hmm. Did the guys talk

about anything else at the barbershop? (whispering) No Jordan!

Animals and stuff.

Have you heard it's the poor rat

that only has one hole to run into?

And then we talked

about sports.

Okay. Sports is a good conversation

for a boy your age.

Like how the first thing an NBA rookie gets

is a new car and a white girl.

(silverware clattering)

We ain't mad at him, though.

Oh, but I'm mad at you, though.

That's how the white man get his money back.

(whispering): Up.

(whispering)

What? I can't hear you.

I can't hear you.

WANDA: Bernie!

WANDA: Bernie!

You got me in trouble.

So, that's how they get their money.

All right, so the boy still got a lot to learn.

I've taken him down there

and exposed him to the world of men.

Now, his next lesson is to learn the code.

All you men know what I'm talking about.

For instance, there's stuff that we don't say around women

because it's too raw.

Now, what if he repeated what I said about, uh...

No, no, no, no.

The Mac man ain't gon' slip up, no, sir.

I know when the code's in full effect,

and soon, the boy will, too.

..111, 112...

Uncle Bernie, do you see any waves coming in?

No, boy. Quit brushing your hair

before you brush a groove into it.

You start looking like E.T.'s cousin.

(chuckles softly)

Listen, Jordan, I want to talk to you for a minute.

You know, son, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself

down at the barbershop.

But, Jordan, you can't be repeatin' stuff

that you hear down there.

Why not? It's good stuff.

It sure is.

But, see, that's what men do.

We get around each other,

we say things we can't say around women.

You know, it's not because we're scared.

Well, maybe Deke is.

You know, Deke's woman's so big, she can change the tides.

(laughs)

So, from now on,

whatever you hear down at the barbershop,

stays at the barbershop.

You got it?

Got it.

Okay, buddy.

Go on and brush your hair, man.

130... no.

One,

two, three, four...

WANDA: Screwdriver.

VANESSA: Screwdriver.

All right.

Hook thing with a squiggly edge.

Hook thing.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, what are y'all doin'?

I uncrossed the wire and that infernal

beeping came back.

And, no, I don't need your help.

She's getting a little crazy.

She wanted to tie a rope to my leg

and send me up there.

WANDA: Is that little quitter talking?

Ha, ha. I got it.

I told you.

Oh, and, uh, honey...

can you put the ladder away? Thanks.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

What you doin'?

Enjoying the quiet.

The blissful nothingness of a non-beeping house.

Well, go on and get your bliss on.

Jordan and I are going down to the barbershop.

I thought Jordan got his haircut yesterday.

Haircut got nothin' to do

with goin' down to the barbershop, baby.

Oh, so, what do you guys do down there all day?

I don't know. What do you women be doin'

down there all day at the beauty salon?

Nothin'...

Well, we do nothin', too.

You got your world. We got ours.

Yeah, well, you just make sure

Jordan doesn't bring nothin' home from your world.

Yeah, okay.

(beeping)

(beeping continues)

(groans): Ooh, it taunts me.

Baby, why don't you just...? Honey, I don't need your help.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Girls!

(beeping)

♪♪

♪ You are my pride and joy ♪

Hey. All right. (light applause)

...Jordan.

Look-it there. Oh, yeah.

♪ You've got kisses sweeter than honey ♪

(laughing mischievously)

(men laughing)

♪ You are my ♪

You got a good kid there, Bernie.

Yeah. I got to admit, Earl, Yeah.

I was a little worried at first about him fitting in.

Oh. But he gonna fit in just fine.

Look at him. Oh, little man?

Oh, little man's great.

Yeah, he is great.

Smart.

He's funny.

He's inquisitive.

I mean, he can figure out any damn thing,

Earl, I'm telling you.

Computers, puzzles, you name it.

Yeah?

Look at you, you got your chest all out.

Yeah? Yeah.

I'm proud, Earl.

That's my little man.

BERNIE: That's when I found out

airport security don't play, baby.

(all laughing)

Tell them about the time

when we found the raccoon in the attic.

Oh, oh, dig this here.

Come here. Come here, son.

Little man, you tell 'em.

Listen, listen, listen.

So, we heard this noise in the attic, right?

And I thought it was a ghost,

but Uncle Bernie said, "There's no such thing!"

So, then he sent Aunt Wanda to go see what it was.

And then-- Bam!-- out from the attic, into the kitchen,

jumps this huge raccoon.

It was like, (hissing), and I'm like, (screams).

Ooh! "Oh, Lord!" And then...

(men chuckling)

...Uncle Bernie gets the broom and the lighter fluid

and then (imitates explosion).

That raccoon ran away with his tail on fire!

(laughing)

America, between you and me,

that raccoon was half dead when we first found him.

Now, that part about the fire

may've been from a movie the boy saw last week.

Now, am I condoning him lying?

No. 'Cause what he's doin' is called putting a hundred on ten,

and that's how you tell a story, America, at the barbershop.

Aunt Wanda was so scared,

her hand was shaking almost as much as old Earl's.

(laughing stops)

Right, Uncle Bernie?

What'd you say, boy?

You know how much your hands shake when you're cutting hair.

You could put ice cream in 'em and make 'em a milkshake.

(Jordan laughing)

I can't take credit for that one.

That was all Uncle Bernie's.

It is funny though. (laughing)

BERNIE: Uh, listen.

Come on, you... Come on, y'all.

Y'all can't believe everything

little man talking about.

He exaggerate. He put a hundred on ten.

Why, was that one not funny?

Okay, how about the time...? (mumbling)

How about the time when you said

you seen better fades on shrubbery.

(laughs): Shrubbery.

Hey. Hey.

My hands don't shake in an earthquake.

Aw, come on, Earl.

Just making ' a few jokes.

What's the matter?

I thought men liked to joke around with each other.

That ain't no joke.

That's like telling Luther

he can't sing.

Mmm.

Or telling Oprah she can't make white folk cry.

Mm-hmm.

That's cold, man. (shivers)

Stop that, man. I'm a comedian, man.

I'm just makin' a few jokes.

That's all, Earl. I see.

Well, there's, uh, one way to find out.

How's that? Oh, you know what,

I'll just edge up the back.

Okay?

Just edge it up.

All right.

You know, look here,

look here, look, look, Earl, Earl.

We grown men.

We need to stop this bull.

Come on, man.

Let me give you an edge up. (clears throat)

(chuckles)

All right, just, just...

I got a show Saturday.

All right. Hold on, I just got over the tetanus.

Yeah. No, no.

(razor rattling) All right, here we go.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Come back here.

You ain't gonna use no guard?

No, no, I don't need to.

It's got a screw missing on there, Earl.

(both talking at once)

Come on, Earl.

Ah, see! I knew it!

Well, I'm'a tell you something.

If I'm not good enough to cut your hair,

you're not welcome in my shop.

Oh, Earl, come on, now.

No, no. Wayne, Wayne.

Go get me that picture of Isaac from The Love Boat.

A space just opened up on the wall.

Come on, now, Earl. I'm not doing that, man.

We go way back, man.

This ain't nothin' but some old bull.

Come on, Jordan.

(beeping)

(beeping continues)

Aunt Wanda?

What?

Can you please do something?

I cannot get my homework finished.

(beeping continues) (groans)

(beeping continues)

All right.

(beeping stops)

VANESSA: Okay, uh, what are we supposed to do in the dark?

There was some nose involved.

I'm 99% sure that was my first kiss.

(chuckling)

BERNIE: Hey. Ooh.

What the hell happened to all the lights?

JORDAN: Are we hiding from Jehovah's Witnesses again?

Didn't I tell you to get in your room?

But I can't see.

Bump into stuff till you get there. Now, get.

WANDA: Um, honey,

I-I shut the power off.

For what?

Okay, I admit,

I can't fix the smoke alarm, and you were right.

I should've had you do it in the first place.

Me? Which one's the smoke alarm?

Wanda, I told you from the beginning.

Look in the Yellow Pages under Claire Electrical.

They're the ones that wired the place.

Sweetheart, you ain't got to prove nothin'

to me, baby.

I'm a comedian.

Ain't nothin' funny about electricity.

I don't play with God.

Yo, dawg, did Bernie tell you

how he got kicked out of Earl's barbershop?

No. What happened?

Misunderstanding.

And I told you that in confidence.

Yeah, Bernie wouldn't let Earl cut his hair, right,

so Earl said he was all Hollywood now.

(laughs): For real? Yo, yo, yo, man.

Bernie got, hey, Bernie got an image to protect, man--

a brand-- and his hair is a part of that.

Now, if Earl don't understand, later for him, man.

Yo, I got your back, dawg.

I know, big fella, man,

but I swear, man, I didn't mean to diss Earl like that.

That's right 'cause you love Earl.

Yeah, man, Jordan's the one that got me kicked out.

Sitting up there repeating every doggone thing I said

in the privacy of my own home.

What?

Didn't you teach him the code?

Yeah, the first half.

I taught him... everything

inside the barbershop, but the second half,

well, everything was implied.

It was implications.

I mean, you should've heard the boy.

He's sitting there talking about, man,

let's send Earl some flowers to apologize.

I told him a man don't do stuff like that, man.

We let things work themselves out.

Sure you're right.

You know, you got to live by the code, man.

You live by the code, you die by the code.

See, that's the truth right there.

Give me two codes.

(laughing)

The code, right?

Code. No joke.

You know what, give me a deuce.

You need two?

(phone ringing)

Hello?

He's where?

I'll be right down.

Thanks for calling, man.

Jordan!

Uncle Bernie, how'd you know I was here?

I told him.

You missed a spot.

Boy, you supposed to be grounded.

How the hell you get down here?

He took three buses.

What? Yeah.

I had to apologize to Earl.

He made me let him stay around here to help out.

Jordan, come on over here.

I need to talk to you.

(sighs)

Boy, you...

(sighs)

Come on, come on.

Son, son, son, what you doin'?

I don't want to whup you.

I want to talk to you. Come over here.

I know you said

the manly way was to let things work themselves out,

but I messed it up for us here, and I had to fix it.

Jordan, you disobeyed me,

and I don't like that.

But you took three buses

to come all the way down here to apologize

for something you thought was right?

Boy, it took a man to do that.

(whimpers)

I'm proud of you.

Earl? Yeah?

I want to thank you, man,

for calling me about my nephew.

Yeah. (chuckles)

Thanks, Earl, man.

You're a good man. You're good people.

It's all right. It's all right.

Hey, Jordan, you done?

Not yet.

Tighten me up, Mr. Davis.

All right!

(whispers) Jordan, run.

(razor rattling)

You got any beer?

Yeah, got some in the back.

Jordan may be a little man, but he's a crazy little man.

America, wait for it. Wait for it...

(razor makes grinding noise) JORDAN: Ow!

Little man better hope Twan's still open.

Listen... (grinding noise)

JORDAN: Ow! Aah...

Doggone it. (Jordan sighs)

Oh, boy...

What you...? Come on, now, what you doing?

I don't want to whup you. I want to talk to you.

Come over here and sit down.

I know you said the manly way was to... w... let...

I know you... said the man...

See, you wrong. You know you wrong.

You had no business coming down here.

That's why you stutterin'.

I should push your teeth up in your gums.

(shrieks, laughs)

Captioned by VISUAL DATA