All language subtitles for The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S03E03.Road.to.Tradition.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,343 Ooh, hey, honey. Look, 2 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:23,013 I just got a card from the Leibersteins. 3 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,015 Mm. Ooh, wow, look at Mendal. 4 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:26,358 He's gotten so big. 5 00:00:26,435 --> 00:00:28,101 Wait a minute. 6 00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:29,436 Leiberstein, they Jewish. 7 00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:31,772 What the hell they know about Christmas? 8 00:00:31,848 --> 00:00:34,107 Honey, it's a holiday card. 9 00:00:34,184 --> 00:00:35,409 This is cute... 10 00:00:35,486 --> 00:00:37,611 Baby, you know, that's not a bad idea. 11 00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:38,528 Why don't we do that? 12 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,780 What? 13 00:00:39,856 --> 00:00:41,165 You know, get a photo. 14 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,933 I remember when I was a little boy, 15 00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:45,744 Big Mama used to take us down to Fredrick's Department Store 16 00:00:45,821 --> 00:00:47,287 for our annual family photo. 17 00:00:47,364 --> 00:00:48,663 Let's do it. Let's take the kids. 18 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:49,840 Let's go, honey. 19 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:53,543 Yeah, America, this was a great tradition. 20 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,345 1969 to '74. 21 00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:57,172 We captured every year on film. 22 00:00:57,249 --> 00:00:59,091 It was something we did together, 23 00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:01,009 and that's what made it special. 24 00:01:01,086 --> 00:01:03,687 Check it out. Look. 25 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:07,941 Right here, there's Big Mama, all full of joyful pride. 26 00:01:08,018 --> 00:01:09,351 And there's my sister, Bonita, 27 00:01:09,427 --> 00:01:11,228 wearing that little Eartha Kitt turban. 28 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,355 Hmm, look at my big brother, Carl. 29 00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,690 You know, he like that old Stets. 30 00:01:15,767 --> 00:01:17,484 And my sister, Stacey. 31 00:01:17,561 --> 00:01:19,152 America, she had the most prettiest smile 32 00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:21,113 till crack got a hold of her. 33 00:01:21,189 --> 00:01:25,250 And there's me, sporting a big ol' Globetrotter 'fro. 34 00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:30,455 You know, America, I miss those days. 35 00:01:30,532 --> 00:01:32,916 That's what Christmas was all about to me-- 36 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,167 family and tradition. 37 00:01:34,244 --> 00:01:36,711 And it's time we got back to them. 38 00:01:36,788 --> 00:01:38,755 Oh, yeah. 39 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,090 Look at Stacey. 40 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,467 Junkie. 41 00:01:42,544 --> 00:01:44,728 ("Carol Of The Bells" playing in background) 42 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,273 This is going to take forever. 43 00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:57,482 I'll be back in a while. 44 00:01:57,559 --> 00:01:59,276 Hold on, Nessa. Where you going? 45 00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:00,643 To Hirosaki Cingular. Uh-uh. 46 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,404 I need to write down the model number 47 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,490 to the cell phone I'm asking Santa for this year. 48 00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,624 What?! 49 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,168 Then I get to go to Joy Stickers. 50 00:02:08,245 --> 00:02:09,202 I want to see if they have 51 00:02:09,279 --> 00:02:10,871 Seek and Destroy. 52 00:02:10,947 --> 00:02:12,405 And I want to sit 53 00:02:12,483 --> 00:02:15,259 on Santa Claus' lap and tell him what I want for Christmas. 54 00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:16,918 Look, ain't nobody going nowhere. 55 00:02:16,995 --> 00:02:18,262 We all going to stay right here. 56 00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,965 Okay, but remember, that was Seek and Destroy. 57 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,559 Listen, I told you kids, 58 00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:25,635 we're not here to get y'all presents, okay? 59 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,470 Gotcha. 60 00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,639 We're here to start a Mac family tradition. 61 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:30,932 That's all! 62 00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,434 But this is our tradition. 63 00:02:32,510 --> 00:02:34,519 We come to the mall, pick out stuff, 64 00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,438 you pretend like it's too expensive 65 00:02:36,514 --> 00:02:38,824 and then it shows up on Christmas morning. 66 00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:41,193 Whoo! Baby, where you been? 67 00:02:41,269 --> 00:02:42,152 Sorry, honey, I had to get these gifts 68 00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:43,195 for people at work. 69 00:02:43,271 --> 00:02:45,197 Not you, not you. 70 00:02:45,273 --> 00:02:48,158 Look, what's that, a Palm Pilot telephone book? You know all them people? 71 00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,868 No, but they know me. 72 00:02:49,945 --> 00:02:51,620 I'm the new senior VP, honey, and this will be great for morale. 73 00:02:51,696 --> 00:02:54,664 One stocking stuffer and these people will follow me into hell. 74 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,500 Wanda, please forget about Shirley in Accounting. 75 00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,586 We here to start a Christmas tradition. 76 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:00,779 That's it! 77 00:03:00,856 --> 00:03:03,465 Oh, my goodness, Shirley in Accounting. 78 00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,217 I forgot about her. Thank you. 79 00:03:05,293 --> 00:03:06,384 Honey, I'll be right back. 80 00:03:06,461 --> 00:03:07,677 No, no, no, baby, come on, come on now. 81 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,221 Look here, you stay here with the kids. 82 00:03:09,297 --> 00:03:10,805 Enjoy the festive atmosphere, okay? 83 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,933 I'm going to go up there and see what type 84 00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:16,019 of family photo these people shoot and I'll be right back. 85 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,321 Y'all stay right here. 86 00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,606 Cabrini-Green ingrates, that's what y'all are. 87 00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:21,550 (sighs) 88 00:03:25,355 --> 00:03:26,747 Just do it. 89 00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,700 Welcome to Santa's Workshop. 90 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,710 I'm Elf Mary Ann. 91 00:03:31,787 --> 00:03:33,161 Would you like to choose 92 00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:35,247 from one of our festive photo packages? 93 00:03:35,323 --> 00:03:37,207 I wouldn't want to put you out. 94 00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:40,636 Oh. The Kris Kringle starts at 29.99. 95 00:03:40,712 --> 00:03:44,005 Includes a 5x7, 4x6 and ten wallet size. 96 00:03:44,082 --> 00:03:45,548 (sighs) 97 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,842 But we recommend the Spirit of the Season 98 00:03:47,919 --> 00:03:49,353 for 59.99. 99 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,355 Baby, somebody need to shake you. 100 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:53,732 Let me see what you got. 101 00:04:01,016 --> 00:04:03,367 (sighs) 102 00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,319 This all you got? 103 00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:10,031 We also have the Oh! Christmas Tree. 104 00:04:10,108 --> 00:04:11,074 ALL: Cheese! 105 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,417 Great. 106 00:04:16,364 --> 00:04:18,248 Times have changed, America. 107 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,917 You can't even have a simple Christmas memory. 108 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,254 It got to be surfboards and people touching Jesus. 109 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,256 What happened to tradition? 110 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,392 Oh, this ain't happening. 111 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,435 Mm-mm. We out of here. 112 00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:33,138 Excuse me. Hey, baby. 113 00:04:33,214 --> 00:04:34,439 Hey, honey, how's it looking? 114 00:04:34,516 --> 00:04:35,798 Getting ready to leave. Where's the kids? 115 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,851 They said they went looking for you. Looking for me? 116 00:04:37,927 --> 00:04:40,404 Doggone, I told them we weren't buying no presents today. 117 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,689 Look here, baby, stay here in case they come back. 118 00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:43,657 "Looking for me." 119 00:04:43,734 --> 00:04:45,158 Oh, every time I turn around...! 120 00:04:45,235 --> 00:04:48,278 Sorry, kid, but Seek and Destroy is too hot this Christmas. 121 00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:51,364 You're going to have to leave, like, a $15 deposit 122 00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,366 just to reserve one from the next shipment. 123 00:04:53,443 --> 00:04:55,285 Fifteen bucks? 124 00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,546 Serious. 125 00:04:59,115 --> 00:05:02,301 ♪♪ 126 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,604 (clears throat) 127 00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,140 I-I didn't do it. 128 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,433 No... 129 00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:21,186 No, you got to read me my Miranda rights. 130 00:05:21,262 --> 00:05:22,395 No, stop it. Ow. 131 00:05:22,472 --> 00:05:24,948 BRYANA: I want a Gulf War Jessie, 132 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,950 tank sold separately. 133 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,994 A Chat-'Em-Up Chastity doll. 134 00:05:29,071 --> 00:05:32,364 ♪ The chattiest, brattiest doll in the house. ♪ 135 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,324 Help! Santa needs help! 136 00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:35,492 Baby girl, baby girl. 137 00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:36,493 Come here, come here. 138 00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,244 Give St. Nick a break. 139 00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:39,362 I-I'm sorry, Nick. 140 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,373 Here go some cabbage for your kettle. 141 00:05:41,449 --> 00:05:42,874 Look here, we're gonna find Aunt Wanda 142 00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:44,459 and I want you to stay put. Come on. 143 00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:46,127 BRYANA: Ow! 144 00:05:46,204 --> 00:05:47,962 You're just like the rest of them. 145 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,339 Nessa! Why you walk away? 146 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,632 I told you to stay put. 147 00:05:50,708 --> 00:05:52,050 Uncle Bernie, this is it. 148 00:05:52,127 --> 00:05:53,426 This is the one I want. 149 00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:55,095 You got a cell phone already. 150 00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:56,554 Not like this one. 151 00:05:56,631 --> 00:05:58,982 This one has a pager, Internet access and a camera. 152 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,601 Hey, guys, happy holidays from Hirosaki Cellular. 153 00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:04,354 Hey, Santa's authorized me to give you guys a coupon 154 00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:07,065 for a thousand free minutes if you sign up today. 155 00:06:07,142 --> 00:06:08,441 I'm sorry, wrong number. 156 00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:10,402 Come on. Where Joy Stickers at? 157 00:06:10,478 --> 00:06:12,028 Excuse me. Are you Bernie Mac? 158 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,038 Yes, sir. How you doing? 159 00:06:13,115 --> 00:06:15,240 Command, this is Charlie-Bravo-One. 160 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,574 I have the perp's parent. 161 00:06:16,651 --> 00:06:17,992 "Perp's"? (over radio) Roger that. 162 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,503 Jordan. What he do? 163 00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,539 Well, he stuck his hand in the fountain... 164 00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:23,998 You kids just don't get it. 165 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,385 And this perp here gonna be the death of me. 166 00:06:26,461 --> 00:06:28,711 But you keep it up, I'm gonna be the death of you. 167 00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:30,213 You watch what I tell you. 168 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,391 Baby girl, would you come on now. 169 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:37,178 I want pants like Jesus. 170 00:06:37,255 --> 00:06:39,264 Baby girl, come on. 171 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,982 Every time I turn around, it's something. 172 00:06:43,145 --> 00:06:44,310 Is nothing sacred? 173 00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:46,688 They didn't have no fleece in Bethlehem. 174 00:06:46,764 --> 00:06:50,534 No wonder those kids don't care nothing about family tradition. 175 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:54,112 To them, Christmas is just one big-ass commercial. 176 00:06:54,189 --> 00:06:55,780 It's awful! 177 00:06:55,857 --> 00:06:57,407 What? 178 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,542 Oh, okay. 179 00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,493 Excuse me, America. 180 00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:02,654 We'll be right back. 181 00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:09,002 America, here's Christmas of yesteryear. 182 00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:10,879 Look at it. 183 00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:13,047 Pure as the driven snow. 184 00:07:13,124 --> 00:07:15,642 Now here's Christmas this year. 185 00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:18,678 Not exactly the Christmas photo I was looking for. 186 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,847 But it's not their fault, America. 187 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:23,475 I did them kids a disservice. 188 00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:26,186 Turned them into little greedy crumb-snatchers. 189 00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:28,605 I shower them with gifts trying to make up 190 00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:32,275 for all the Christmases they didn't have back in Chicago, 191 00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,611 but that was the wrong way to go, 192 00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:38,031 'cause when I think about it, I don't remember the gifts-- 193 00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:39,449 I remember the times. 194 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:42,327 See, that's what will stick with you, America. 195 00:07:42,403 --> 00:07:44,704 That's what I got to show them kids-- 196 00:07:44,781 --> 00:07:46,331 real tradition. 197 00:07:46,407 --> 00:07:50,043 Real traditions are better than getting gifts. 198 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,879 Oh, yeah. Real tradition. 199 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:54,530 What's this all about? 200 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:57,717 Kids, this is about giving you the best Christmas ever. 201 00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:58,927 Old-school Christmas. 202 00:07:59,003 --> 00:08:00,678 You know, 203 00:08:00,755 --> 00:08:03,264 when I was your age, we didn't have malls. 204 00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:05,808 You know, we didn't have no walking cell phone. 205 00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,978 Jesus didn't have six pockets in those swaddling clothes. 206 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,688 What's old-school Christmas? 207 00:08:10,765 --> 00:08:14,192 Baby girl, old-school Christmas is about tradition. 208 00:08:14,269 --> 00:08:15,693 It's about all of us 209 00:08:15,770 --> 00:08:18,947 going to pick out our own tree and making our own ornaments. 210 00:08:19,023 --> 00:08:20,532 Then, on Christmas Eve, 211 00:08:20,608 --> 00:08:24,118 going to see the lights on Candy Cane Lane. 212 00:08:24,195 --> 00:08:25,954 Then come home to a family dinner. 213 00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:28,498 Oh, it's gonna be great. 214 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,124 Can we have Royal Burger that night? 215 00:08:30,201 --> 00:08:32,835 Ain't nothing traditional about no fast food, law-breaker. 216 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:36,139 Now, we're going to deal with my favorite-- 217 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,933 building a gingerbread house. 218 00:08:39,294 --> 00:08:40,260 Look it. 219 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,345 Oh, this is stupid. 220 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,846 Sit down, Nessa, and shut up. 221 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:44,940 Kids, trust me. 222 00:08:45,016 --> 00:08:46,724 You're gonna have fun. 223 00:08:46,801 --> 00:08:48,226 Just wait and see. 224 00:08:48,303 --> 00:08:50,019 Smell how sweet, sweet. 225 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,479 Oh, this is sweet. 226 00:08:51,556 --> 00:08:53,106 Hey, kids, look what I found. 227 00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:54,983 I found some old candy from Halloween. 228 00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:56,359 They'll go good in the driveway. 229 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,111 We already finished the driveway. 230 00:08:58,187 --> 00:09:00,113 Yeah, but yours ain't got no color. 231 00:09:00,189 --> 00:09:01,348 Hey, sweetheart, be careful. 232 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,949 That's not a load-bearing wall, baby girl. 233 00:09:03,026 --> 00:09:04,834 Easy. 234 00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,260 Hold on. Yeah. 235 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,079 What-what the hell is that, Jordan? 236 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,297 They're gargoyles. 237 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,873 To scare away the invaders. 238 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,092 And this is a rack 239 00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:15,044 to tear off the limbs of bad gingerbread men. 240 00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,337 Gargoyles and torture chambers. 241 00:09:16,414 --> 00:09:17,338 That's not part of our tradition. 242 00:09:17,415 --> 00:09:18,881 Sweetheart, 243 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,634 that peppermint chimney is for looking, not licking. 244 00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:22,760 Hey, baby. 245 00:09:22,837 --> 00:09:24,512 Hey, honey. Ooh, it looks nice. 246 00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:26,514 You going to help us? Uh, in a minute, honey. 247 00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:27,649 I just got through wrapping these gifts 248 00:09:27,726 --> 00:09:29,684 and I need to put the name tags on them. 249 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,695 Well, hurry up, baby. We having fun. 250 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,287 All right, honey. 251 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,857 Jordan, son, if you don't respect the gingerbread house, 252 00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:36,992 it won't respect you. 253 00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:38,443 Oh, here, let me show you. 254 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,819 No, you're not going to show me. 255 00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:41,404 You don't know any more than I do. 256 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,699 I know the difference between a doorknob and a shingle. 257 00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,659 BERNIE: See, both y'all stop it. 258 00:09:46,736 --> 00:09:49,996 Come on now, come on. Stop this bull now! Stop...! 259 00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:51,464 (container clatters on floor) 260 00:09:51,541 --> 00:09:52,966 Look what you did. 261 00:09:53,043 --> 00:09:54,334 Way to go. 262 00:09:54,410 --> 00:09:55,593 You older. You supposed to be acting... 263 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,744 Stop licking that! Well, he should've... 264 00:09:56,822 --> 00:09:58,171 BRYANA: No! When he didn't give it to you 265 00:09:58,247 --> 00:09:59,297 you don't pulling up on the thing. 266 00:09:59,374 --> 00:10:00,798 You older than him. Act like... 267 00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:01,950 Put that down, boy. 268 00:10:02,026 --> 00:10:04,844 America, these kids aren't getting it. 269 00:10:04,921 --> 00:10:07,889 Instilling Christmas spirit in them ain't gonna be easy, 270 00:10:07,965 --> 00:10:10,725 I'm telling you, but I got to do it for their sake. 271 00:10:10,802 --> 00:10:13,686 They should be roasting chestnuts and high on fruitcake. 272 00:10:13,763 --> 00:10:16,856 America, I got to step my game up. 273 00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,525 When I'm done, there's gonna be sugarplums 274 00:10:19,602 --> 00:10:22,695 dancing all in their head, I swear. 275 00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:25,698 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 276 00:10:25,775 --> 00:10:28,326 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... ♪ 277 00:10:28,403 --> 00:10:30,170 ♪ I can't hear you! ♪ 278 00:10:30,246 --> 00:10:32,756 ♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly... ♪ 279 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:34,248 Sellout. 280 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,384 Hey, anything for presents. 281 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:38,670 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... ♪ 282 00:10:38,746 --> 00:10:40,096 That's the spirit, boy. 283 00:10:43,093 --> 00:10:45,468 ♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪ 284 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,387 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... ♪ 285 00:10:47,463 --> 00:10:50,390 ♪ Choir singing carols ♪ 286 00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,892 ♪ Right outside my door ♪ 287 00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:58,064 ♪ All these things and more ♪ 288 00:10:58,141 --> 00:11:02,276 ♪ That's what Christmas means to me my love ♪ 289 00:11:02,353 --> 00:11:06,322 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪ 290 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,575 ♪ And you know what I mean ♪ 291 00:11:09,652 --> 00:11:12,745 ♪ I see your smiling face ♪ 292 00:11:12,822 --> 00:11:15,915 ♪ Like I've never seen before ♪ 293 00:11:15,992 --> 00:11:18,802 ♪ Even though I love you madly ♪ 294 00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:21,546 ♪ It seems I love you more ♪ 295 00:11:21,622 --> 00:11:24,048 ♪ The little though you give me ♪ 296 00:11:24,125 --> 00:11:27,093 ♪ Touched my heart for sure ♪ 297 00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:32,056 ♪ All these things and more, darling ♪ 298 00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:35,476 ♪ That's what Christmas means to me my love ♪ 299 00:11:35,553 --> 00:11:36,894 ♪ That's what Christmas means to me ♪ 300 00:11:36,971 --> 00:11:39,105 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 301 00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:41,774 ♪ Candles burning low ♪ 302 00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,651 ♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪ 303 00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:44,844 ♪ Alright ♪ 304 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,788 ♪ Christmas bells are ringing ♪ 305 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,116 This will be the first Christmas 306 00:11:50,193 --> 00:11:53,161 where we did something together as a family. 307 00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:55,088 And that's a beautiful thing. 308 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,541 Uh-oh. 309 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,218 Here we go. 310 00:12:04,832 --> 00:12:07,726 (whistling "We Wish You a Merry Christmas") 311 00:12:07,802 --> 00:12:11,521 Okay, y'all, here we go. 312 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:12,939 Here, baby. 313 00:12:14,675 --> 00:12:16,684 Uh, what's this? 314 00:12:16,761 --> 00:12:18,144 A little Christmas treat. 315 00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:19,487 Some of Big Mama eggnog 316 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:20,613 with some nutmeg, 317 00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:23,357 cinnamon, a little tad of horseradish 318 00:12:23,434 --> 00:12:26,119 to kick it off, but don't say nothing. 319 00:12:30,274 --> 00:12:32,116 Ew, mine tastes like medicine. 320 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,910 What? It's really good. 321 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,745 Um, so, 322 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,955 can we talk about what we're getting for Christmas? 323 00:12:38,032 --> 00:12:39,132 Mm-mm. Not yet. 324 00:12:39,209 --> 00:12:40,625 I got another treat. 325 00:12:40,701 --> 00:12:42,668 The angel lands on the tree. 326 00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:45,171 Baby girl, will you do the honors? 327 00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:48,049 Come on. 328 00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:50,343 (grunting): Oh! 329 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:51,961 Um, Uncle Bernie? Hmm? 330 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,514 Now that we've done all the stuff you wanted to do, 331 00:12:54,590 --> 00:12:56,349 can we talk about the stuff we want? 332 00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:58,309 All the stuff I wanted to do? 333 00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,894 I thought we having fun. 334 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,395 No, you were the one having fun, 335 00:13:01,472 --> 00:13:02,739 and we've been working our butts off 336 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,023 just to make you happy. 337 00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,358 Yeah, when am I going 338 00:13:05,434 --> 00:13:08,361 to get Chat-'Em-Up Chastity? 339 00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,205 Tradition. 340 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,867 Mmm, horseradishy flavor. 341 00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:16,244 You see that? 342 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,703 America, these damn kids 343 00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:20,164 don't care nothing about no Christmas. 344 00:13:20,241 --> 00:13:23,668 I'm here trying to get them something, something real. 345 00:13:23,744 --> 00:13:25,962 I'm talking memories for a lifetime. 346 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,756 But all they care about is material things. 347 00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:30,716 Well, if that's what they want, 348 00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:33,186 then fine-- that's what they'll get. 349 00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:37,181 Here. What's this? 350 00:13:37,258 --> 00:13:39,892 Something you won't remember. 351 00:13:39,969 --> 00:13:42,812 Ow. 352 00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,438 Ow. 353 00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:45,731 Chat-'Em-Up Chastity! 354 00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:47,358 Seek and Destroy! Cool! 355 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:49,702 Yeah, enjoy, 'cause as of right now, 356 00:13:49,779 --> 00:13:51,362 Christmas is canceled! 357 00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:54,666 Ooh, look at this. Look. 358 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,413 (making engine revving noises) 359 00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:01,539 One lump or two lumps, 360 00:14:01,616 --> 00:14:03,132 Mrs. Limpson? 361 00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:06,252 Why, two lumps, Penelope, thank you. 362 00:14:06,329 --> 00:14:09,681 JORDAN: Merry Christmas, Penelope. 363 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:13,977 Hey! 364 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,600 Are you dialing? 365 00:14:20,676 --> 00:14:22,935 (perky music playing) 366 00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:24,470 I know, isn't that cool? 367 00:14:24,547 --> 00:14:27,615 Okay, call me back, and I'll put it on hip-hop. 368 00:14:30,227 --> 00:14:31,736 Look at them, America. 369 00:14:31,812 --> 00:14:35,072 Laughing and playing like they haven't crucified Christmas. 370 00:14:35,149 --> 00:14:36,282 It's a disgrace. 371 00:14:36,359 --> 00:14:38,418 They don't deserve you. 372 00:14:38,494 --> 00:14:40,202 Not at all. 373 00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,455 (mumbling) Don't deserve... 374 00:14:42,531 --> 00:14:48,377 Don't appreciate what somebody... 375 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:51,264 They don't deserve you, any of you. 376 00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:54,508 Come on, in the box, Joseph and Mary. 377 00:14:54,585 --> 00:14:55,718 Hop to it. 378 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:59,263 See you later, Three Wise Men. 379 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,474 (groans) 380 00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:05,144 Move your ass, donkey. 381 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:08,823 Little shepherd-- baa. 382 00:15:10,559 --> 00:15:11,984 (grunting) 383 00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:13,494 Hey, babe, you all right? 384 00:15:14,939 --> 00:15:16,155 Who's that for? 385 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,415 I don't know. 386 00:15:17,492 --> 00:15:19,042 I don't know who it's for. 387 00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,335 I checked all 388 00:15:20,411 --> 00:15:22,370 my databases, my Palm Pilot, 389 00:15:22,446 --> 00:15:25,790 my computer, my notes in my purse. 390 00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:27,375 Ah, it's going to be okay. 391 00:15:27,451 --> 00:15:28,960 No, it's not going to be okay, 392 00:15:29,036 --> 00:15:31,003 because somebody is not going to get their gift. 393 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,464 Everybody else is going to get their gift, but somebody won't, 394 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,033 and I don't know who. 395 00:15:35,109 --> 00:15:38,511 No, because it only takes one person to poison morale, 396 00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:40,163 and make everybody believe that I'm a bad boss, 397 00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:42,139 even though I bought them all stocking stuffers. 398 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,349 Come on, Wanda, chillax. 399 00:15:43,426 --> 00:15:44,433 Relax, it ain't that serious. 400 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:45,518 I'll tell you what. 401 00:15:45,594 --> 00:15:46,719 When you go to work Monday, 402 00:15:46,796 --> 00:15:48,354 the first person to look at you sideways, 403 00:15:48,431 --> 00:15:49,397 give it to them. 404 00:15:49,473 --> 00:15:51,357 But I work so hard. 405 00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:52,992 I know you do, 406 00:15:53,069 --> 00:15:54,986 and you deserve a break. 407 00:15:55,062 --> 00:15:58,906 Hey... chimney? 408 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,157 Come on. 409 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,201 Come on, baby. 410 00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:04,203 That's my girl. 411 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,679 Tell you what we do. 412 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,374 Tomorrow, me and you go and do what we always do-- 413 00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,793 go watch the lights on Candy Cane Lane, 414 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:13,045 and have our own little merry Christmas. 415 00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:14,296 What do you say? 416 00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:15,348 Come on. 417 00:16:15,425 --> 00:16:17,299 Okay. That's my girl. 418 00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,310 JORDAN: Help! We've been robbed! 419 00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:27,986 Somebody stole our Christmas! 420 00:16:28,062 --> 00:16:29,779 BERNIE: Ain't nobody stole nothing. 421 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,939 Christmas is over as of yesterday. 422 00:16:32,016 --> 00:16:33,899 Remember, you got your gifts? 423 00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:35,735 Yeah. 424 00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:37,611 Now, Nessa, I want you to watch your brother and sister 425 00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,904 while your aunt and I go out 426 00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:40,531 and do our traditional thing that we do. 427 00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,709 Come on, baby. 428 00:16:47,698 --> 00:16:50,374 BOY: Merry Christmas, Mother. 429 00:16:50,451 --> 00:16:52,844 Merry Christmas, Father. 430 00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:58,474 WOMAN: But if you're the fake Santa, 431 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,009 who was...? 432 00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,310 (gasping) 433 00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:05,857 MAN: But it never snows in Hawaii. 434 00:17:08,352 --> 00:17:10,311 MAN 2: Oh, my God! 435 00:17:10,387 --> 00:17:12,739 It really is joy to the world. 436 00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,667 (doorbell ringing) 437 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,403 Oh. Oh, you are home. 438 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,581 It's so dark I was about to leave this on the porch. 439 00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,583 Are Bernie and Wanda here? 440 00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,461 No, they're out looking at Christmas lights. 441 00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:36,587 Oh, I see. 442 00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,597 Uh, to buy? 443 00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:39,799 Mother... Mmm, well, 444 00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:42,435 we're just here to drop off our holiday turtle bars. 445 00:17:42,512 --> 00:17:44,011 Walnuts this year. 446 00:17:44,088 --> 00:17:45,262 (laughing) 447 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,931 Well, Merry Christmas, Vanessa. 448 00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:49,308 Oh, boy, somebody's wearing a bra. 449 00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:50,434 Let's go, Mother. 450 00:17:50,511 --> 00:17:51,352 Happy holidays, honey. 451 00:17:51,428 --> 00:17:53,738 Uh, bye. 452 00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:59,110 I don't like being home alone 453 00:17:59,186 --> 00:18:00,544 on Christmas Eve. 454 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,072 It makes me feel like we're back in Chicago. 455 00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:06,283 Yeah, but here we don't have to keep the oven open 456 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:07,627 to heat the house. 457 00:18:07,703 --> 00:18:09,620 Uncle Bernie hasn't sold the TV. 458 00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:12,882 Mmm. There's the tree. 459 00:18:16,879 --> 00:18:21,132 Honey, don't you think giving them their gifts early 460 00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:24,468 was a little harsh? 461 00:18:24,545 --> 00:18:26,637 Sweetheart, that's all they wanted. 462 00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:29,306 They don't care nothing about no tradition. 463 00:18:29,383 --> 00:18:30,891 Wanda, I love Christmas. 464 00:18:30,968 --> 00:18:33,018 I know, honey, I know. 465 00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:36,030 Ooh, honey, look at this house. 466 00:18:38,225 --> 00:18:40,025 Wow, yeah. 467 00:18:40,102 --> 00:18:43,904 Oh, Lord, that's brighter than Caesar's Palace. 468 00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,206 Wow. 469 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,119 It sure is, baby. 470 00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:52,496 It's really something this year, ain't it? 471 00:18:52,573 --> 00:18:54,081 Mm-hmm. 472 00:18:54,158 --> 00:18:56,000 With all the houses on this block being so bright, 473 00:18:56,076 --> 00:18:57,418 you could see them from space. 474 00:18:57,494 --> 00:18:59,119 It's pretty. 475 00:18:59,196 --> 00:19:02,390 Wow. The kids are really missing something this year. 476 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,980 Are you... thinking what I'm thinking? 477 00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,233 Yeah. 478 00:19:15,429 --> 00:19:16,395 Kids, we're home! 479 00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:18,564 KIDS: We're in here! 480 00:19:18,641 --> 00:19:20,316 Merry Christmas! 481 00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:21,734 Merry Christmas. 482 00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:24,120 Oh, it is now, kids. Thank you. 483 00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:28,407 Here, Uncle Bernie, we fixed your gingerbread house. 484 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,659 I hope you like it. 485 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,378 Royal Burger! 486 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,750 ♪ This Christmas ♪ 487 00:19:37,826 --> 00:19:39,001 ♪ The fireside is blazing ♪ 488 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,170 I'm surprised you all wrapped your own gifts. 489 00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,380 Yeah, because you already know what they are. 490 00:19:43,457 --> 00:19:44,690 It doesn't matter. 491 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,508 It's more fun to rip the paper off 492 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:47,551 on Christmas morning. 493 00:19:47,628 --> 00:19:48,969 Uncle Bernie, 494 00:19:49,046 --> 00:19:51,096 can we have Royal Burger every Christmas Eve? 495 00:19:51,173 --> 00:19:52,398 Sure can. 496 00:19:52,475 --> 00:19:53,900 It'll be our new Mac tradition. 497 00:19:53,976 --> 00:19:56,727 Who wants eggnog? 498 00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:58,270 I made it myself. 499 00:19:58,347 --> 00:19:59,521 Oh, let me have it. 500 00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:01,523 Come on, baby, get one. 501 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,442 Everybody dig in, come on. 502 00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:05,736 Thank you. 503 00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,613 All right, a toast. 504 00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,782 To the new Christmas spirit, 505 00:20:09,858 --> 00:20:11,500 which is alive and well 506 00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:13,285 in the Mac household tonight. 507 00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:14,879 Merry Christmas. 508 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,667 ♪ This Christmas ♪ 509 00:20:19,743 --> 00:20:21,710 See that right there, America, 510 00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,754 that's our family photo this year. 511 00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:25,473 Pretty as a picture. 512 00:20:25,549 --> 00:20:26,966 Even though baby girl eggnog 513 00:20:27,042 --> 00:20:28,926 tasted worse than Milk of Magnesia. 514 00:20:29,003 --> 00:20:30,094 But I'm just glad the kids 515 00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:31,845 are finally feeling the Christmas spirit 516 00:20:31,922 --> 00:20:33,722 because I'm feeling it, too. 517 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:38,185 And America, I hope you have yourself a wonderful Christmas. 518 00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:40,646 And while I'm at it-- Canada, 519 00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:42,648 you have a nice Christmas, too. 520 00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:45,150 And a shout-out to Mexico. 521 00:20:45,227 --> 00:20:46,335 Feliz Navidad. 522 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:49,405 And hey, Joyeux Noel, France. 523 00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,448 O, Tannenbaum, Germany. 524 00:20:51,525 --> 00:20:55,286 And Merry Christmas to the entire world. 525 00:20:55,362 --> 00:20:58,464 Oh, and from the Mac man personally, 526 00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:01,333 to the soldiers-- 527 00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:04,345 Merry Christmas. 528 00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:09,508 (clears throat loudly) 529 00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:12,561 (all laughing) 530 00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,516 I'm sorry. 531 00:21:17,593 --> 00:21:21,186 Joe, can you call the doctor? 532 00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:24,148 I got to get Paul in. You're going to get it. 533 00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:28,736 I forgot my Flonase. Sorry. Sorry. 534 00:21:28,812 --> 00:21:30,112 Here, Uncle Bernie, 535 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,740 we made your gingerbread house... again. 536 00:21:32,816 --> 00:21:35,668 That's not the line. (laughter) 537 00:21:35,745 --> 00:21:38,254 Captioned by VISUAL DATA 37778

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.