All language subtitles for The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S03E02.Love.Thy.Nephew.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,597 Okay, give me a verb. 2 00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:25,015 I'm done with the Mad Libs, Jordan. 3 00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,308 Come on, just one verb. 4 00:00:26,384 --> 00:00:27,100 Hush. 5 00:00:27,177 --> 00:00:28,101 Oh, Thanks. 6 00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:29,452 Hey, baby. Yeah, honey. 7 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,155 You know we got some people moving in next door? 8 00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:32,272 I didn't know the other people moved out. 9 00:00:32,349 --> 00:00:33,565 What was their name...? 10 00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,775 Uh... Um... 11 00:00:34,851 --> 00:00:36,201 I don't know. 12 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,029 I have no idea. 13 00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,530 Okay give me an adjective. 14 00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:41,531 Bothering. 15 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,783 Bothering me. 16 00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:44,367 Okay, now, that's not an adjective. 17 00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:45,869 Bothersome. 18 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,829 Can you teach me to whittle? 19 00:00:47,906 --> 00:00:49,664 Give me this... Wanda. 20 00:00:49,741 --> 00:00:50,674 Look at this fool. 21 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:51,875 Baby, can we put him back into karate? 22 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:52,943 Okay, 23 00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,669 can I at least have a BB gun? No. 24 00:00:54,746 --> 00:00:55,804 Moped? No. 25 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,056 Tree house? 26 00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:01,968 A little box in the tree 27 00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:05,806 where he can spend all his free time. 28 00:01:05,882 --> 00:01:07,682 America... 29 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,267 you thinking what I'm thinking? 30 00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:11,353 We'll pick the lumber up in the morning. 31 00:01:11,429 --> 00:01:12,145 Yeah! 32 00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:13,280 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 33 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,371 Ooh, what happened? 34 00:01:46,448 --> 00:01:48,098 The new neighbors turned their sprinklers on me 35 00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,975 just 'cause I was sitting on their lawn. 36 00:01:50,051 --> 00:01:51,401 You sure it wasn't no accident? 37 00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:54,238 Their sprinklers are probably on timers, sweetie. 38 00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,731 I saw a man look at me before they came on. 39 00:01:56,808 --> 00:01:57,908 He did it on purpose 40 00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,234 and you don't even care. 41 00:01:59,311 --> 00:02:00,619 Wait a minute. Wait, wait. 42 00:02:00,696 --> 00:02:02,279 I'm going to go over there and get to the bottom of it. 43 00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:03,363 Can you pick up Bryana and her friend 44 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:04,531 from soccer for me please? 45 00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,867 Sure honey, I'll take your car. 46 00:02:06,943 --> 00:02:08,460 I got lumber in my car. 47 00:02:09,779 --> 00:02:11,371 Side bar. 48 00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:13,081 She doesn't like us in her car. 49 00:02:13,158 --> 00:02:15,834 Now, I don't mind taking them to school 50 00:02:15,911 --> 00:02:17,076 or to the doctor, 51 00:02:17,154 --> 00:02:18,587 but picking them up from soccer? 52 00:02:18,663 --> 00:02:21,173 I may as well haul pigs out to the market. 53 00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:22,457 Yeah, that's true. 54 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,926 Look, I will unload the lumber myself. 55 00:02:25,003 --> 00:02:26,887 Where is your weight belt? Wanda. 56 00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,848 It's not like I don't love the kids. 57 00:02:29,925 --> 00:02:31,141 I know that. I love the kids. 58 00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,976 Yeah, I know. Okay, so did I hesitate 59 00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,769 to give up my office for Vanessa's room? 60 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,897 Mm-mm. No. I did not. 61 00:02:36,973 --> 00:02:38,139 Okay, and did I flinch 62 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:40,400 when Bryana threw up on me last week? 63 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:41,776 You should have. But I didn't. 64 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,028 No, you didn't. 65 00:02:43,104 --> 00:02:44,988 And I didn't say one word 66 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,157 when that boy broke my high heels 67 00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,658 playing dress up. 68 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:49,784 What? 69 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:53,955 But, honey, it's my car. 70 00:02:54,032 --> 00:02:55,040 It's the last thing 71 00:02:55,116 --> 00:02:57,301 that says "Wanda" and not "Mom." 72 00:02:58,703 --> 00:02:59,836 Wow. 73 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:00,921 Baby, you're right. 74 00:03:00,997 --> 00:03:02,447 I, I wasn't thinking. 75 00:03:02,524 --> 00:03:03,632 But I always put a quarter in Bryana's sock. 76 00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:05,050 I'm quite sure she'll figure out 77 00:03:05,126 --> 00:03:06,143 to call somebody else 78 00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,677 to come pick her and her friends up. 79 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:08,562 Don't worry about it. 80 00:03:10,131 --> 00:03:14,392 Oh, that's good. 81 00:03:14,469 --> 00:03:16,186 Fine. I'll go get her. 82 00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:17,279 Thank you. 83 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:19,406 Dress-up. 84 00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:25,287 (clearing throat) 85 00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:27,697 Hey, what's up? 86 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,757 My name is Bernie Mac 87 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,058 and this is my niece, Vanessa. 88 00:03:30,135 --> 00:03:31,826 We live next door-- welcome to the neighborhood. 89 00:03:31,903 --> 00:03:33,286 Well, Marcus Chatman. 90 00:03:33,363 --> 00:03:35,247 Nice to meet you. I'm a big fan. 91 00:03:35,323 --> 00:03:36,340 Hello, Vanessa. 92 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,092 Um, uh... 93 00:03:39,169 --> 00:03:40,585 Marcus, this is kind of awkward, but... 94 00:03:40,662 --> 00:03:42,379 earlier, my niece was sitting on your lawn 95 00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:43,847 and your sprinklers came on. 96 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,131 Did you get wet? 97 00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:46,850 I'm so sorry, Vanessa. 98 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,551 I saw you look at me. 99 00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:49,894 Oh, right. 100 00:03:49,972 --> 00:03:51,013 Yeah, I saw you drawing out there, 101 00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:52,180 but by the time the sprinklers went on 102 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,473 I was just as surprised as you. 103 00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:55,225 They're on timers, you know. 104 00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:57,227 That's what we tried to tell her, but she didn't... 105 00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,772 Man, is that a 52-inch flat screen? 106 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:01,856 61-inch. 107 00:04:01,933 --> 00:04:03,400 No kidding. 108 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:04,985 You know once you go flat, you don't go back. 109 00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:06,319 I like that. 110 00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:07,988 Yeah, I tried to turn them off, you know, 111 00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:09,506 but I still don't know where 112 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,324 all the light switches are in this place yet. 113 00:04:11,401 --> 00:04:13,576 Well, we knew it was a reasonable explanation. 114 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:14,744 (sniffing) 115 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,029 Man, is that a Cuban? 116 00:04:16,106 --> 00:04:17,747 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Why don't you come by later? 117 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,874 I got a walk-in humidor full of them. 118 00:04:19,951 --> 00:04:21,008 You're kidding. Huh-uh. 119 00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,419 How about 7:00? I'll see you then. 120 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:24,713 Oh, and I still haven't quite figured out 121 00:04:24,789 --> 00:04:27,382 those sprinklers yet, so you better be careful. 122 00:04:27,459 --> 00:04:29,017 Hey, welcome. Mmm. 123 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:29,926 Okay. Yeah. 124 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,845 See you later. Come on. 125 00:04:31,921 --> 00:04:33,446 I like him. 126 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,144 The girl just doesn't know good neighbors when she see one. 127 00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:40,645 They could be like back in the day 128 00:04:40,722 --> 00:04:42,564 when we were sitting on the stoop 129 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,774 talking all hours of the night, sipping wine. 130 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:48,245 I mean, I don't mean to make the guy my new best friend, America. 131 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,447 Hell, I don't even know if the boy play golf, 132 00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,499 but if he does, he gonna be my buddy. 133 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,299 Stop. 134 00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:08,173 Okay. 135 00:05:08,249 --> 00:05:10,091 Who wants to be powder fresh? 136 00:05:10,168 --> 00:05:11,468 Oh, great, 137 00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:15,314 and, baby girl, you'll learn to like it, cheer up. 138 00:05:19,969 --> 00:05:20,894 Oh. 139 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:22,154 Hey, baby. 140 00:05:22,230 --> 00:05:23,447 Hey. 141 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,940 To the sexiest soccer chauffeur in town. 142 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:26,983 Oh. Thanks. 143 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,401 Sorry about your car. 144 00:05:28,478 --> 00:05:30,287 My car is fine. 145 00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:31,754 Oh, it's fine? Mm-hmm. 146 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,323 You mean to tell me no Cocoa Puffs on the seat? 147 00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:34,824 No wet boogies on the window? 148 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:36,025 None of that. 149 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,952 See, you just have to know how to manage 150 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,070 the situation. 151 00:05:39,148 --> 00:05:40,246 Oh, and by the way, I told Bryana 152 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,206 I would pick her up again 153 00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:42,332 on Sunday. 154 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,584 Sweetheart, you lucked up on this one. 155 00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:46,127 I did? Yes, you did. 156 00:05:46,204 --> 00:05:47,504 I'm telling you playing with fire. 157 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,130 That pristine driving machine you got 158 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:50,173 going to turn into a Mom's car. 159 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,475 Now, you watch what I tell you. 160 00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:53,676 I don't think so-- just because it happened 161 00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,720 to yours doesn't mean it's going to happen to mine. 162 00:05:55,797 --> 00:05:58,098 See, I know what I'm doing. 163 00:05:58,174 --> 00:05:59,540 Oh, is that right? That's right. 164 00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:00,667 Okay, you know what you doing, do what you do. 165 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,102 I'll do what I do. You do what you do. 166 00:06:02,178 --> 00:06:03,353 Well, it's done. 167 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,063 Ooh. What is that? Talk to me later. 168 00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:06,114 Stop. 169 00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:08,325 This is the den. 170 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:11,694 Oh, man, this is nice. Real nice. 171 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:12,329 Thank you. 172 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:13,363 I'm telling you... 173 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,372 (dog growling) 174 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,573 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 175 00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:17,167 What the hell is that unholy creature? 176 00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:18,335 Oh, that, that's Oscar. 177 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,120 These guys are bred to fight bulls. 178 00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:22,122 I look at him, I see myself. 179 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,124 No, no, you're not that ugly. 180 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,543 I don't mean nothing, you know that. 181 00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:28,169 I'm a lawyer, see, I'm a litigator. 182 00:06:28,246 --> 00:06:29,379 I get you in that court room, 183 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,296 I lock down, I don't let go. 184 00:06:30,373 --> 00:06:31,381 Right, Oscar? 185 00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:34,300 (barks, growls) 186 00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:35,885 Scotch? Single-malt? 187 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,012 Yeah. Yeah, I'll take a little bit. 188 00:06:38,089 --> 00:06:39,639 Thank you. 189 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:40,916 Now, don't take this the wrong way, Bernie, 190 00:06:40,992 --> 00:06:42,559 but when I heard I was moving in next door 191 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:43,726 to a couple with three kids, 192 00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:45,094 you know, I was worried, 193 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,897 but then, when I heard it was you, I was cool, 194 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:51,276 because when it comes to kids, Bernie Mac don't play. 195 00:06:51,352 --> 00:06:52,577 Let me tell you something. 196 00:06:52,654 --> 00:06:54,270 I'm from the old school. 197 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,541 Marcus, I feel a kid shouldn't speak unless he's spoken to. 198 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,543 If you're old enough to talk back... 199 00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,161 ...you're old enough to get hit 200 00:07:01,237 --> 00:07:02,287 in the throat or the stomach. 201 00:07:02,363 --> 00:07:03,663 My man. My man. 202 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,331 You want some more Scotch? 203 00:07:05,408 --> 00:07:06,458 Well, I-I really shouldn't. 204 00:07:06,534 --> 00:07:07,551 I got an early day with the boy tomorrow. 205 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:08,751 Oh. 206 00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:11,212 I mean, well I said I shouldn't. 207 00:07:11,289 --> 00:07:13,465 I didn't say I wouldn't, though. 208 00:07:13,541 --> 00:07:17,218 Yeah. I'll take a little splash. 209 00:07:17,295 --> 00:07:18,636 The pool is deep. 210 00:07:18,713 --> 00:07:22,182 Lifeguard on every station. 211 00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:26,060 Somebody drowning. 212 00:07:26,137 --> 00:07:27,529 Good man. 213 00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,441 JORDAN: Uncle Bernie, this is awesome. 214 00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:34,194 I can't believe we built this. It's the best. 215 00:07:34,270 --> 00:07:36,321 Okay. 216 00:07:36,397 --> 00:07:38,039 Watch yourself, son. 217 00:07:40,276 --> 00:07:41,201 Good. 218 00:07:41,277 --> 00:07:42,568 Hey, Uncle Bernie. 219 00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:46,331 -Huh? -Shouldn't the lock be on the inside? 220 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,591 Yeah. 221 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,502 I don't know what I was thinking. 222 00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:52,504 Uh oh. What are you so happy about? 223 00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:55,340 Because I'm coming in and he's staying out. 224 00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:57,592 Baby, I'm free at last, free at last. 225 00:07:57,603 --> 00:07:59,469 Uncle Bernie, can I eat dinner in my tree house? 226 00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:01,846 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 227 00:08:01,923 --> 00:08:03,473 You can eat any meal you want. 228 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:04,833 That's your tree house. 229 00:08:04,909 --> 00:08:06,735 That's your home, that's your castle, 230 00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:08,728 and you ain't even gotta ask, 231 00:08:08,805 --> 00:08:09,771 'cause I ain't going to say boo. 232 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,481 I might lay some carpet. 233 00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:13,492 I'll get the staple gun. 234 00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:18,321 What? 235 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,740 Oh, baby, you... you babying the boy. 236 00:08:20,817 --> 00:08:22,575 That boy should be able to handle a staple gun. 237 00:08:22,652 --> 00:08:24,461 You should have saw him with the hammer, Wanda. 238 00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,496 I saw him. 239 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:30,041 Damn. All right, I'll do it. 240 00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:32,669 The whole idea was to get the boy off my back. 241 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:35,004 He treat me like a pack mule. 242 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,599 Jordan! 243 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,222 America, look at me. 244 00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:45,774 Every time I think I'm done, 245 00:08:45,850 --> 00:08:47,234 the boy wants something else. 246 00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,393 He wants a skylight. 247 00:08:48,469 --> 00:08:49,778 Now, America, you tell me, 248 00:08:49,854 --> 00:08:52,730 what's a boy who's used to sleeping three to a bed 249 00:08:52,807 --> 00:08:54,482 know about a damn skylight, huh? 250 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,860 I'm sick of that damn tree house and I'm sick of trees. 251 00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,571 Well, honey, just say no. 252 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,813 If I say no, baby, 253 00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:02,740 I mean he going be unhappy up there, 254 00:09:02,817 --> 00:09:06,160 and that mean he going to come back down here. 255 00:09:06,237 --> 00:09:08,329 BRYANA: Look what I've got. 256 00:09:08,406 --> 00:09:10,290 What? 257 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:14,302 "My child is a star student at Wellington." 258 00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:15,795 Oh, congratulations, honey. 259 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,755 Oh, baby girl, this is nice. 260 00:09:17,832 --> 00:09:19,215 It's for you, Aunt Wanda. 261 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,259 Okay. Oh, okay. 262 00:09:21,336 --> 00:09:23,011 You're supposed to put it on your bumper. 263 00:09:23,087 --> 00:09:24,688 I can't put this on my bumper. 264 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:26,731 Hmm. 265 00:09:30,094 --> 00:09:31,978 Because I can't see it back there. 266 00:09:32,055 --> 00:09:33,605 So 267 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,607 I am going to put this 268 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,858 on the refrigerator. 269 00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:38,443 That way the whole family 270 00:09:38,519 --> 00:09:40,069 can see it every time we get something to eat. 271 00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:41,195 Okay? Okay. 272 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,931 Okay, let's go do that. 273 00:09:43,007 --> 00:09:44,616 JORDAN (on radio): Uncle Bernie. Remember when you told me 274 00:09:44,692 --> 00:09:47,535 not to lean against the wet paint? 275 00:09:47,612 --> 00:09:52,040 Well, bring a roller and a new shirt. 276 00:09:52,116 --> 00:09:54,083 Over. 277 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,302 This... 278 00:09:56,087 --> 00:09:58,138 (doorbell rings) 279 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,259 Hey, Marcus. 280 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,218 What's happening, man? 281 00:10:04,295 --> 00:10:05,770 What's up with you? 282 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,647 I noticed your new addition in the backyard. 283 00:10:07,724 --> 00:10:09,682 You didn't tell me you were adding on. 284 00:10:09,759 --> 00:10:12,185 Oh. You're talking about the tree house. 285 00:10:12,261 --> 00:10:13,478 Don't get me started. 286 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,146 See, I built the tree house 287 00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:17,866 for my nephew to keep him out of my hair, 288 00:10:17,942 --> 00:10:19,659 but he ended up being a big pain. 289 00:10:19,736 --> 00:10:21,152 The thing is, see, 290 00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,154 I had this incredible Zen garden 291 00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,155 built in my backyard. 292 00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,156 Zen garden. 293 00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:26,366 Flew in the top guy from Japan. 294 00:10:26,442 --> 00:10:27,325 Wow. 295 00:10:27,402 --> 00:10:28,576 Oh, yeah, he arranged 296 00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:30,036 every rock, every grain of sand. 297 00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:31,954 This is, it's a freaking piece of art. 298 00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:33,081 It cost me 50 large. 299 00:10:33,157 --> 00:10:34,332 $50,000? 300 00:10:34,409 --> 00:10:35,667 Just for some sand? 301 00:10:35,743 --> 00:10:37,677 Yeah, see, the thing is, it's all designed 302 00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:39,003 around this focal point. 303 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,839 See, it's where your eye is drawn, 304 00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:42,965 but not anymore. 305 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,667 As of yesterday, 306 00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:48,897 your eye is drawn to a child wearing a cape in a shack... 307 00:10:48,973 --> 00:10:50,273 right above it. 308 00:10:55,012 --> 00:10:56,854 Did you hear that? 309 00:10:56,931 --> 00:10:59,273 Sounds like music to my ears. 310 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,693 Maybe you didn't hear like I did. 311 00:11:01,769 --> 00:11:03,403 Listen. 312 00:11:03,479 --> 00:11:06,072 Marcus, are you, uh... 313 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,950 asking me to tear the tree house down? 314 00:11:09,026 --> 00:11:10,201 (whispers): Thank you. 315 00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,369 You heard him. 316 00:11:11,446 --> 00:11:14,372 America, the man has a focal point. 317 00:11:14,449 --> 00:11:18,000 I mean, what was I supposed to do, tell him no? 318 00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:19,544 He's my neighbor. 319 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,254 You got to be good to your neighbor. 320 00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,131 The Lord says so. 321 00:11:23,207 --> 00:11:25,133 My hands are tied, 322 00:11:25,209 --> 00:11:28,136 but fortunately, I can handle a crowbar. 323 00:11:28,212 --> 00:11:30,012 I brought that tree house into the world, 324 00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:31,556 and I'm going to take it out. 325 00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:32,857 (birds chirping) 326 00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:39,230 I can't believe you're going to take down 327 00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,881 Jordan's tree house for that guy. 328 00:11:40,959 --> 00:11:42,400 Well, believe it-- that's what a good neighbor does. 329 00:11:42,477 --> 00:11:44,110 Jordan, come on down here; I need to talk to you, son. 330 00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:45,403 You don't want to talk. 331 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:46,863 You want to take down my tree house. 332 00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:48,281 Vanessa told me. 333 00:11:48,357 --> 00:11:49,574 Stool pigeon. 334 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,117 Look, come on down from there now, son. 335 00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:52,160 Come here. No. 336 00:11:52,236 --> 00:11:53,995 You said this was my home. 337 00:11:54,071 --> 00:11:55,088 I'm defending my home. 338 00:11:55,165 --> 00:11:56,572 Well, you've been evicted... 339 00:11:57,825 --> 00:12:00,135 and don't act like no stranger to being evicted. 340 00:12:00,211 --> 00:12:01,452 Is there a problem, Bernie? 341 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,920 Oh, hey, hey, neighbor, no, it ain't nothing. 342 00:12:02,997 --> 00:12:05,724 You know, the young blood is just a little... 343 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,825 high strung right now. 344 00:12:06,901 --> 00:12:08,225 Man, I figure give him a couple hours 345 00:12:08,303 --> 00:12:09,969 to be starving to death'll bring his butt right down. 346 00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:12,930 Eh... wait, is that... is that a bucket of food? 347 00:12:13,007 --> 00:12:14,107 Nessa! 348 00:12:14,184 --> 00:12:16,184 Ne... Nessa, come on, now, what you doing? 349 00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:17,902 Just being a good neighbor. 350 00:12:24,519 --> 00:12:26,360 How'd you expect him to react when you tell him 351 00:12:26,437 --> 00:12:28,571 you're going to rip down his little tree house? 352 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,572 He's stubborn just like you. 353 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,073 You keep saying I'm stubborn. 354 00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:32,033 I'm trying to tell you that I'm not. 355 00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,918 (snickers) 356 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,624 What's wrong? 357 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,084 The bumper sticker is gone. 358 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,127 Baby, forget that bumper sticker. 359 00:12:43,204 --> 00:12:44,462 I'll get you another one. 360 00:12:44,539 --> 00:12:46,005 I'm trying to talk about something serious. 361 00:12:46,082 --> 00:12:47,182 Come on over here. No, no, no. 362 00:12:47,258 --> 00:12:48,549 See, it has to be here somewhere. 363 00:12:48,626 --> 00:12:51,603 It can't just... walk away. 364 00:12:55,883 --> 00:12:57,391 Oh, Lord. 365 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,977 (car alarm blaring) (screaming) 366 00:13:00,054 --> 00:13:00,945 (alarm stops) 367 00:13:02,306 --> 00:13:04,148 Your car scared me. 368 00:13:04,225 --> 00:13:07,151 Uh, sweetie, what were you doing? 369 00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,537 I was trying to put the sticker on the bumper for you. 370 00:13:10,565 --> 00:13:13,199 Uh... tell you what. 371 00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:15,502 Let's forget about the refrigerator, okay? 372 00:13:15,578 --> 00:13:17,837 I am going to frame that, 373 00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:19,580 and I'm going to hang that up in my office 374 00:13:19,657 --> 00:13:21,791 so all of my coworkers can see 375 00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:24,377 what a good student you are, okay? 376 00:13:24,453 --> 00:13:26,846 Okay. All right, give me a little something. 377 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,175 Jordan! 378 00:13:31,252 --> 00:13:32,552 Jordan! 379 00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:33,736 (over radio) Use the walkie-talkie, Uncle Bernie. 380 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,263 I can hear you, and you can hear me. 381 00:13:35,339 --> 00:13:36,814 Ain't no need to use no walkie-talkie. 382 00:13:36,891 --> 00:13:39,234 Jordan, stick your head out the window right quick. 383 00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:40,434 Now, let me tell you something. 384 00:13:40,511 --> 00:13:42,578 If you don't come down this second, 385 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,604 you going without television for a whole month now, you hear me? 386 00:13:43,681 --> 00:13:45,523 I don't have TV in here anyway. 387 00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,984 America, how can you punish a kid 388 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,902 who's happy living in a box? 389 00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:53,281 A boy his age should be addicted to TV. 390 00:13:53,357 --> 00:13:54,907 Where did I go wrong? 391 00:13:54,984 --> 00:13:56,450 I mean, look at you. 392 00:13:56,527 --> 00:13:58,703 You and your kids-- you're all watching TV. 393 00:13:58,779 --> 00:14:01,706 You're good parents, America. 394 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,440 Son, listen. 395 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,960 Why are you willing to give up television for a whole month 396 00:14:06,037 --> 00:14:08,838 and get a whooping for an old ugly box in a tree, huh? 397 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:12,600 Because we built it... together. 398 00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:15,395 It's ours. 399 00:14:17,131 --> 00:14:18,506 Damn. 400 00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:21,392 Turn the TV off and do something with your kids, 401 00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:26,397 because the rewards are immeasurable. 402 00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:31,911 "We... we built it together, you... and me." 403 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,753 Thanks. As I was saying, 404 00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,622 you know how little boys get attached to things. 405 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,999 I remember when I was his age, I had a truck tire. 406 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,585 I used to play with it all day, roll down the hill in it. 407 00:14:47,662 --> 00:14:49,295 You ever have a tire, Marcus? 408 00:14:49,372 --> 00:14:51,339 No. Listen, let me be clear. 409 00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:52,381 The tree house comes down. 410 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,382 I've checked it out. 411 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:54,642 It violates zoning laws. 412 00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:56,552 You're going to be like that? Oh, yeah. 413 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,438 I told you, don't mess with the bulldog, Bernie. 414 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,390 All right then, bulldog. 415 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,225 You have a nice day... 416 00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,269 fake-ass Johnny Cochran. 417 00:15:05,346 --> 00:15:06,896 (growls) 418 00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,148 Fake-ass pit bull. 419 00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:11,400 Nobody runs my nephew off. 420 00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,578 Oh, no. We can't have that. 421 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,667 Okay, girls, you know the drill. 422 00:15:21,862 --> 00:15:23,296 How come your mom 423 00:15:23,373 --> 00:15:25,715 didn't put your bumper sticker on her car? 424 00:15:27,243 --> 00:15:28,843 She's not my mom; she's my aunt. 425 00:15:35,376 --> 00:15:37,802 That's so... yellow. 426 00:15:37,878 --> 00:15:39,053 I know! 427 00:15:39,130 --> 00:15:40,772 (laughs) 428 00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,893 I wish we could stay up here forever, Uncle Bernie. 429 00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:47,603 What happens when you grow up and get married? 430 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,013 I'll put up a curtain right here 431 00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:51,691 so you can't see my wife's boobies. 432 00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:52,625 (laughs) 433 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:53,868 Jordan, you know eventually 434 00:15:53,945 --> 00:15:55,152 we'll have to tear this tree house down. 435 00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:56,278 You know that. That's the law. 436 00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,697 Yeah, I know... 437 00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,407 but can't we stay up here all night 438 00:15:59,483 --> 00:16:01,000 just to drive old Marcus crazy? 439 00:16:02,236 --> 00:16:04,120 Yeah. 440 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,089 Ain't nothing going to get us down out of this tree, 441 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,290 not tonight. 442 00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:10,251 (sizzling noise) 443 00:16:10,327 --> 00:16:12,378 (sniffs) 444 00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:15,223 Jordan... you smell something? 445 00:16:15,299 --> 00:16:17,216 He's setting the tree on fire! 446 00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:19,102 Help! 447 00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:20,636 Over. 448 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,555 Hey, Marcus, my nephew got asthma. 449 00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:24,390 Oh, good, then one more log 450 00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:26,100 should do the trick. 451 00:16:26,177 --> 00:16:27,610 Don't even try it-- I'm telling you he's just a child. 452 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,061 Man, this is between me and you. 453 00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:30,062 Okay, then come down, 454 00:16:30,139 --> 00:16:31,205 then he can come down, 455 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,273 then the tree house can come down, 456 00:16:32,349 --> 00:16:33,441 and we'll talk, just you and me. 457 00:16:33,517 --> 00:16:35,151 It ain't going to happen, not tonight. 458 00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,902 Alright, I don't know why you want to make this difficult. 459 00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:38,487 Well, I'll tell you what, Marcus. 460 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,531 Damn it. You just made it difficult. 461 00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,625 No, Uncle Bernie, where are you going? 462 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,660 We're about to have a discrepancy of epic proportions. 463 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,129 Move now. You can't leave, Uncle Bernie-- 464 00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,171 not in the middle of a war. 465 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,584 America, if it was just me, 466 00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:53,878 I'd go down there and kick Marcus' ass, 467 00:16:53,954 --> 00:16:56,422 but it's not always about us grownups. 468 00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:58,424 You see how much fun that boy's having? 469 00:16:58,501 --> 00:17:01,093 I'm at war, but he's playing war. 470 00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:05,514 Sometimes you got to listen to the wisdom of a child. 471 00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,683 Back in the day, America, I'm telling you, 472 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,020 I'd let the pop go to weasel until the weasel go pop. 473 00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:12,688 (coughs) Let me put over your nose. 474 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,857 (coughs): Okay, how's that? 475 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,692 That's better? 476 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,319 What do we got to do, Uncle Bernie? 477 00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:20,663 I don't know, but I can't let you choke to death. 478 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:21,697 VANESSA: Hey, Uncle Bernie! 479 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:22,948 Hold on, hold on. 480 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,016 Heads up! 481 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,794 Hey, good looking out, Nessa. 482 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,756 Hmmph! 483 00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,541 Load up. 484 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:33,918 Ready? Ready. 485 00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:35,127 Let's go. 486 00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:37,046 ♪♪ 487 00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,255 Hey, hey, hey! 488 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,266 Hey! Hey! 489 00:17:40,343 --> 00:17:41,383 Hey, cut that! 490 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,552 Hey, stop that! 491 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,387 (screaming) Yeah! 492 00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:46,555 Hey, I think we put the fire out. 493 00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:47,982 Hey, what's he doing? 494 00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,894 Ow! Stop that! You cut that out! 495 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,896 Look how mad he is, Uncle Bernie. 496 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,356 War is hell! 497 00:17:55,432 --> 00:17:56,690 Oops, I cussed. 498 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,400 Well, well, we're in the foxhole. 499 00:17:58,477 --> 00:17:59,577 Anything goes. 500 00:18:00,604 --> 00:18:01,570 What's he doing? 501 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,155 Incoming. 502 00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:04,207 Look out, get down! 503 00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:05,583 You see what you get? 504 00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:06,659 You play with the bulldog, 505 00:18:06,735 --> 00:18:08,577 you're going to get bit. 506 00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,630 Hey, what you think he doing? 507 00:18:11,615 --> 00:18:12,757 Incoming! 508 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,593 What is that? 509 00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:17,086 That's a bonsai tree. 510 00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,046 The fool's tearing up his Zen garden. 511 00:18:19,123 --> 00:18:20,589 That's not very Zen! 512 00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:21,590 You're coming down. 513 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,092 You haven't seen anything yet. 514 00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,969 You get in the way of my Zen garden, 515 00:18:25,045 --> 00:18:26,720 and you're going to pay the price. 516 00:18:26,797 --> 00:18:28,856 I haven't even started with you! 517 00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,850 I'm beginning to think he turned the sprinklers on Vanessa. 518 00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,653 Son, I think we better settle in. 519 00:18:33,729 --> 00:18:34,862 It's going to be a long night. 520 00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,482 Ow, I've been hit. 521 00:18:38,559 --> 00:18:41,953 Medic, medic, man down, man down! 522 00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:48,918 (birds chirping) 523 00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,933 Uncle Bernie, we did it. 524 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,010 We made it through the night. 525 00:19:06,086 --> 00:19:07,937 We won the war. 526 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,640 Yeah. 527 00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,317 (laughing): We won. We won. 528 00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:22,234 Come on, wake up. 529 00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:24,445 You got to wake up. 530 00:19:24,521 --> 00:19:26,414 Come on, wake up. 531 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:31,535 Oh, God, did you fall out of the tree house? 532 00:19:31,612 --> 00:19:34,788 Baby, just a couple of heroes returning from battle, huh? 533 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,582 Well, welcome home, General. 534 00:19:36,659 --> 00:19:38,334 Yes, ma'am. 535 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,344 Private. 536 00:19:40,421 --> 00:19:41,795 Baby, little man earned his stripes. 537 00:19:41,872 --> 00:19:43,431 I'm proud of him. 538 00:19:43,507 --> 00:19:45,183 Oh, man... look at you guys. 539 00:19:46,543 --> 00:19:47,676 You stink. 540 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,845 That's what battle does to a man. 541 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,513 (sniffs): Mad Natural. 542 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:52,815 And I'll tell you what. 543 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,516 To celebrate, I'm taking us all out to breakfast. 544 00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:55,726 How about that? 545 00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:56,685 Come on, let's get cleaned up. 546 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,561 Aw, do we have to? 547 00:19:57,638 --> 00:19:59,188 Uh, no. 548 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,781 Let's go in my car. 549 00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:03,651 BERNIE: Good. Come on. 550 00:20:03,727 --> 00:20:04,951 Baby, you should've seen us. 551 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,204 The guy threw this bonsai tree, right, 552 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,155 And I smell good. and it came against the wall, 553 00:20:08,232 --> 00:20:09,782 Oh, no, you don't. and then Jordan... 554 00:20:09,858 --> 00:20:11,033 Who threw a tree? The-the neighbor. 555 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,076 I tell you, I kicked his ass. 556 00:20:12,152 --> 00:20:13,661 Just when we thought we found 557 00:20:13,737 --> 00:20:15,104 a way to work around these kids, 558 00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,706 we learned the only way to make it is with 'em. 559 00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:18,966 Now, I know what you say. 560 00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:20,009 You say we should know that by now, 561 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,669 but I don't care what you say. 562 00:20:21,745 --> 00:20:24,171 In our own little way, Wanda and I... 563 00:20:24,248 --> 00:20:26,215 we're getting the hang of this, y'all. 564 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,809 Yes, sir, we're getting the hang of it. 565 00:20:32,881 --> 00:20:34,857 I know what I'm doing. Is that right? 566 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,642 Yes, I do. 567 00:20:36,719 --> 00:20:37,935 Well, put it on there. 568 00:20:38,012 --> 00:20:39,170 Well, thank you. You like it? 569 00:20:39,246 --> 00:20:40,470 Yeah, if you put it there, I'll find out. 570 00:20:40,548 --> 00:20:42,189 Well, you know, I'm going to get it in there. 571 00:20:42,266 --> 00:20:43,657 Yeah. Pick something I can put in there. 572 00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,526 Yeah, well, put some crazy glue on there, then. 573 00:20:45,602 --> 00:20:47,361 Why do I want to put some crazy glue in my hair? 574 00:20:47,438 --> 00:20:50,030 Well, you know, let's move on, let's move on. 575 00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:52,959 (rolling tongue): Carmen. Yeah. 576 00:20:54,069 --> 00:21:00,967 Sweet... sweet... yeah. 577 00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:04,595 Captioned by VISUAL DATA 39514

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