All language subtitles for The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S03E01.Eye.of.the.Tiger.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

(door shuts)
BRYANA: Four and "O",

four and "O",
four and "O", four and "O"!

Now, now, Bryana,
remember what I said
about boasting?

You got to be accurate.

Five and "O"! Five and "O"!

(laughs)
I got to go pee.

Ooh!
(whistle blows) Go pee.

Hey, Coach Stanley says

I am the best assistant coach
he's ever had.

Yeah, you go on
and enjoy baby girl,

'cause we got practice,

and it starts tomorrow.

We've been going at it,
right, Jordan?

2/7. Two hours a day,
seven days a week.

You know, it's
a new expression
I'm trying to start.

Kind of like 24/7,

but mine is much
more realistic,

because really,
who does something

24 hours a day,
7 days a week?

I'm going to start
a whole bunch
of expressions.

I'm just showing the boy
some of my moves from Chicago.

Uh-oh.
Yeah.

The Macman
crossover dribble,

the smooth groove,
no-look pass,

and the Macman tomahawk jam,
boy! Yeah!

My George Gervin finger roll

and the Shaq power slam
was, between you and me,

borrowed mainly
from the Mac power slam.

Oh, it does, does it?

I mean, yours is
good too, Shaq.

So, are you trying out
for the grade school team?

No, um, what, me?

No. I mean,
I'm just a little
excited for the boy.

Really excited,
you know?

It's not about me;
it's about the boy.

Aren't you a little
too big for that?

I just told you,
Shaq, about the boy.

Too big for that, man.

Well, I mean,
you are, too.

You're too big to
be hittin' me on my
arm like that, too.

What you going to do
about it?

I mean, you know,
I'll tell you what.

You do it again, you'll
find out very quickly.

You just rubbed it.
I said "hit" like you did.

You just rubbed
a little harder
than the first time.

I said hit like
you... You tappin'.

Now, I want you to
hit me like you did

the first time,
and watch, America...

(mutters, chuckles)

The Pistol Pete,
hair-floppin',
no-look pass.

Less floppin', less floppin',

but he's gettin' it
together.
(laughs)

Come here, Jordan.

Look here.

You see this?

This was mine
back in the day.

Wow!

Conference champs
two years in a row,

but now, son,

we're officially
going to start our own dynasty.

Yo, ho, ho, bro!

That's another one
of my new expressions.

It means, "You can
say that again,"

or "You got that right." Hmm!

Okay.

Okay!
Over here!

(indistinct chattering)

(whistle blows)

(snickering)

Still standing.

Uh... well, that-
that's right, Jordan.

Now, look, don't
get me wrong.

Even though standing
is very important

in basketball,
you know, passing,

shooting... they're
important, too.

And I also can't dribble.

(whistle blows)

Look, there's a lot
of other teams, Jordan.

What about swimming?
Okay,

but I'm not supposed to put
my head under the water.

What about wrestling?

Ooh, I love wrestling.
Yeah.

I watch it all the time on TV.

(grunting)
What? That looks real...

and where are their capes?

Good luck.

Hey, baby, check him out.

Hey!

How'd the first day

of practice go?

I didn't make
the basketball team.

The coach says I stink
at basketball.

Well, he didn't use
those exact words,

but the other kids did.

Well, where'd you get
your uniform?

I did make
the gymnastics team

just like Vanessa.

I'm going to be
the Lord of the Rings.

Lord of the Rings?!

Just like Nessa?!

America, that can't
be good. No, sir.

You want to be
like Uncle Bernie.

World don't need two Nessas.

Don't be following
her footsteps. She trouble.

Uncle Bernie,

the rings-- they're really hard,

but if Jordan's
going to do them,

he has to develop
his upper body strength.

He does?
Yeah, you know,

like, his delts, pecs,
traps, and lats.

Jordan wants delts,
pecs, lats, and what?

Traps.

Oh, and he also wants
a chin-up bar.

(chuckles)

All right.

America, I spoke too soon.

Gymnastic and the girls
are about to do

what I never could do:

that is, make a man
out of Jordan.

Gymnastics.
That's an Olympic sport.

Hey, baby, you didn't get
this squash

from a grocery store,
did you?
Nope. Farmer's Market.

So, what's going on?

Nothing.
(Jordan grunting)

How's the gig?

Ah. Fine. Remember Francine
from Accounting?
Francine...

Oh, that's the lady
with the big feet.
(Jordan grunting)

Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

Okay, so she comes back
from vacation, right,

with this new nose, and she
expects nobody to notice.

What?
It's so weird.

Baby girl, you eat your squash.
Yum, yum.

I'm telling you, man,
athletics is taking over
the boy's life.

It's only fitting.
It's part of the inevitable
living under this roof.

Hey, pommel horse, rings.
Gymnasts are strong, man.
Yeah.

-Sure is.
-Yeah, remember Kerri Strug?

Oh, man, broken ankle,

all coming down
to the last vault...

then landing it, perfect.

(laughing)

You look
just like her, man.

I made two bills
off that vault.

What?
Hey, hey, hey,
uh, hey, man.

That's a little girl,
man, not a horse.

Wait a minute, who-who-who says
when do you even care?

No, man, this isn't
appropriate, man.

When's the boy's first meet?

Um, tomorrow. I'm going
to be there, front and center.

I'm going with you.
I mean, why wait

four years for my gymnastics.

Oh... Jordan asked me

to put up a chin-up bar.

Oh...
Oh...

What?
Check him out.

Yeah.

(crowd "oohing"
and applauding)

9.2, 9.3, tops.

WOMAN: Oh...

9.5?

Oh, man, must be out
of their mind, man.

That's ridiculous.

Oh, I think Jordan's next.

( "Eye of the Tiger" playing)

What happened
to Lord of the Rings?

What happened
to Lord of the Rings?!

♪ Risin' up,
back on the street ♪

♪ Did my time, took my chances

♪ Went the distance,
now I'm back on my feet ♪

♪ Just a man... ♪

Big fella...

this don't leave the gym.

Yeah, but what
about the tights?

No. Don't leave the gym,
you hear me?

The gym.

(chuckles)

Six and "O", six
and "O", six and "O",

six and "O",
six and "O",

six and "O"!

Honey, what is it?
(Bryana continues chanting)

The boy was dancing
with ribbons.

What? Wait, I-I-I thought

he was on the
gymnastics team?

They added ribbon twirling
to the Olympics in 1984.

(chuckling):
They give a medal for...?

That can't be right.

Baby, I've got to get
that boy off the team.

I mean, Macmen--
we don't...

I'm not going to that meet
at St. Agnes. I'm not going.

(sighs)

You should count
your blessings.

Today, Bryana fell,
and they kicked
her in the head.

I wish somebody'd
kick that boy
in the damn head.

Come on, sweetheart,

a ribbon twirler?
Come on, Wanda.

Ain't no danger.
Ain't no danger.

It'll be okay, but
you would've been proud

of my little
Bryana today.

Your little Bryana?

She our baby girl.

Don't take her away from me now.

Well, she didn't even cry.

He did.

Wait, wait, wait,

you said there was no
danger. He got hurt?

His routine helped
the team win today.

They was tears of joy,
sweetheart,

tears of damn joy.

Crying all over the place,
everybody weepin'.

VANESSA:
Did you do the snake toss?

Double snake toss,

and Uncle Bernie
was there to see it.

Lord of the Rings.

What happened
to traps and lats?

My-my traps and lats
just aren't there yet.

The coach says I should
wait till puberty,

but until then, I'm
Lord of the Ribbons.

(chuckles)

And you knew about this,
didn't you?

I did.

When were you going
to tell me, Nessa?

I didn't think
you'd like it.

(sighs)
Look, I helped Jordan
with his routine,

and you're always
telling me

to look out for Jordan
and be a good big sister.

That's all I was
trying to do.

Now you're perfect.

You helped him
get on the gymnastics team,

now tell him
how to get him kicked off.

Maybe I need to put some drugs
in his urine or something.
What you think, baby?

Uncle Bernie,

he likes it,
and he's good at it.

"Eye of the Tiger."

You could've picked
a better song.

Jordan picked the song.

N-Now you rippin' my heart out.

Here he comes.

( "Eye of the Tiger" playing)

Look.

Oh.
Oh.

Ooh.
Ooh.

And I put up a chin-up bar.

We both know he
can't do a chin-up.

Do I got a paper cut?

(cheering)
Hands, that was hands!

Number 17, right halfback!
Come on, ref!

(whistle blows)

Good eye, Wanda.
You're the best.
(sighs)

(whistle blows)
Over to Kate, to Kate,
good, good!

Come on, Bryana's wide open!

She's wide open!

Oh, did you see
what that chubby girl
just did to baby girl?

This ain't football,
Refrigerator.
(whistle blows)

Let me tell you...
Honey, honey, please,

sit down.

(girls shouting)

All right. Bry, honey,
does it hurt?

I'm going to kill her.

That's my girl.

All right, Ace bandages,
and give me orange slices.

(voice slowed
and deep): Another.

(growls):
Back in there.
(yelling)

Yeah!

(whistle blows)

Hey, honey,
where you going?

It's getting exciting.

I promised Jordan
I'd take him

to the sports store
to buy some equipment.

Okay, all right, baby.
All right, let's go!

Jordan, Jordan,
don't touch nothin'.

Better not
touch nothin'.

(laughs)

I'm-I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
It's all right.

Listen, maybe
you can help me.
Yeah?

M-M-My boy,
he needs, um...

This is kind of...
kind of awkward.

I've never bought
this before.
Don't worry about it.

Cups and athletic supporters
are in Aisle Two,

top of the shelf.
Oh, no, no, no, you...
you don't understand.

My... the boy, he
needs some... unitards.

I'm sorry. What?

Unitards.
Unitards.

You're kind of loud.

Let me see if I can find
somebody for you, okay?

Thank you.
I'll meet you
out back here.

Jordan, don't touch nothin'!

Shoulder pads, mitt, unitard,

helmet, boxing glove,

(laughs):
jock itch, and
hockey stick.

(chuckles)
JORDAN: Uncle Bernie,

we also need ribbon.
5 and 3/8th.

That's exactly what Mary
Margaret O'Brien used

at the 1994 Nationals.

Uh, we don't, uh,
sell ribbon,

but there is an Ashby Fabrics
on Sepulveda.

Ashby Fabrics on Sepulveda,
here we come.

Hey, I thought
we were going to
watch the game.

Six...

...seven.

So, uh, what
you got there?

Baby, I got equipment
for every sport.

Something got to stick.

(chuckles):
Save the receipt.

Uh, Bryana,
that bath is ready.

I want you to get out
of those dirty clothes.

I don't want to take a bath.

And this
isn't dirt.

This is blood
from Katlin's nose.

Well, at least
wash your hands.
(both chuckling)

(belching)

JORDAN: ♪ Risin' up,
back on the street ♪

♪ Took my time,
took my chances ♪

♪ I went the distance,
now I'm back on my feet ♪

♪ Just a man
and his will to survive ♪

♪ It's the eye of the tiger ♪

♪ It's the thrill
of the fight... ♪

Hey, uh, Wanda
says baby girl's
team is undefeated.

7 and "O."

I know
what undefeated is.

So, how's
the boy doing?

You know, you
never did tell us

how that
gymnastics went.

He's fine.
Everybody's fine.

Is this Oprah, or are we
playing poker, or what?

Ooh.

Let's play.

Oh, that's too rich for me, man.

I just do not have
the eye of the tiger tonight.

Well, I do.

You know what?

Matter of fact,
I feel so good man,

y'all might as well

just wrap that
pot up right there

and tie a ribbon
around it.

(singing intro
to "Eye of the Tiger")

(laughter)

Oh, man...

Hey, look, man, I tried, man.

I tried.

That's just too much
to ask, man.

♪ Took my time,
took my chances... ♪
Whoo!

Oh, there's the ribbon,
there's the ribbon.

(cartoon noise on TV)
♪ ...Went the distance,
now I'm back on my feet ♪

♪ Just a man and his
will to survive ♪

♪ It's the eye of the tiger
risin' up to the street... ♪

You know,
you let me down, big fella.

Hey, hey, I ain't the one
dancing with the ribbon, man.

Come on, now.

That's true, it ain't him.

Dancing with ribbons.

Man, it's a Catholic school;
that's a sin right there.

You know,
patty cake more masculine.
(men laughing)

Double Dutch take more muscle.

Why don't the boy just put a bow
in his hair, sissy?

(men laughing)
Oh!

I'd rather see him take a
cooking class or something.
(laughter)

Oh, come on, man!
That's stirrin' the pot,
you know...

Yo, baby!

Shh, come here.

Jordan's home.

What happened to
that ribbon practice?

Jordan quit the team.

Thank you, Jesus,
thank you, Jesus!

Don't play with Jesus.

Honey, he threw out
the ribbon.

What? We could have
used that at Christmas.
That boy crazy.

He said he was going
to focus

on making the basketball
team for next year.
Hmm.

I think we
should talk to him.

What? And jeopardize
screwing this up?

You're crazy.

He was so excited
about being a part of a team
No, no, no.

and now-- pfft, now he's
in there
Wanda...

just watching
cartoons.

I'm talking about the cartoons
without the animals.
No, no, no.

He hates the cartoons
without the animals.

Baby, baby, baby,
don't you see it?

The boy was going
through a phase.

He finally got
through this phase.

We never had this
happen to us before.

Trust me. Let
me handle it.

Jordan?

You want to shoot
hoops with your uncle?

JORDAN:
Okay.

Oh, and get rid
of those unitards.

Come on, boy!

America, there's hope yet
for the Mac dynasty.

Yeah, it's my fault.

I pushed the boy too soon.

He's simply not ready
this season,

but next season,
a whole 'nother story.

Coach Bernie Mac in the house.

Look alive, boy.

(loud thud)

Two seasons.

JORDAN:
Ow.

Get up.

Walk it off.

Same time tomorrow, Jordan.

JORDAN:
Okay.

2-7, boy.

JORDAN:
What? Oh, yeah, right.

What are you doing?

Teaching Jordan how
to play basketball.

Basketball is the future.

Gymnastics was the past.

Don't nobody give a
whoop about no doggone
gymnastics, Nessa.

But you know what?

You keep up the good work.

Jordan quit his team today,

and I think he needs one of your

"You should never
be a quitter" speeches.

Well, I'm changing my
position about quitter.

It's all right
to be a quitter.

I don't believe you.

Look here, girl.

It was a phase.

It was a good thing
he quit, too.

Before long,
all his friends and kids

would have been
teasing him.

Boy dancing with ribbons.

That can be
hard on a boy.

His friends were fine with it.

And he was helping the team win.

The only people teasing Jordan
were you and your friends.

That's why he quit the team.

He heard you
making fun of him.

It wasn't a phase.

Damn.

America, you know,

sometime, my job
isn't to be proud
of our children

when they succeed
at something we
want them to do,

but to be proud of them

when they succeed at
something they want to do.

I got to be honest,
Bernie.
Mm-hmm?

You know the kids
that got the little stick

with the little ribbon
on the end,

and they making that noise,
"Whew whew whew,"
And they twirling it,

"Whew whew whew,"
and they're making
little designs,

and just doing this
and doing that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's beautiful, man.

That's like flowers
in the air.

(sniffling)

Hey, Uncle Bernie,
watch this.

(rattling)

Don't worry about
that, Air Jordan.

Come over here.

Right before you came out,
I hit the backboard.

Jordan, sit down.

You should have seen it.

Bam!

Right against the wood.

Yeah?
It was great.

Son, why'd you quit
the gymnastics team?

It was a lame team.

And that music--
it was lame too.

You don't believe that.

No. It was a great song.

But you thought it was lame.

You know, son, sometimes
it's not important
what I think.

Sometimes.

Well, I thought it
was a great song

for ribbon twirling.

Rhythmic gymnastics.

See, look at that.

I learned something
right there.

I also learned
that sometime

Uncle Bernie can
say hurtful things.

Jordan, son,

I had my heart set on
you playing basketball.

Vanessa says you're trying

to recapture your youth
through me.

But you had your mind
set on something else,

and that's okay.

Don't get me wrong.

I understand trying to relive
your past glories at your age.

60, 65.

I ain't no 65.

50, 55?

Who the hell told
this boy I'm 50...?

It's not important.

It's just
that your past glories

must seem like ancient history.

Look here, boy.

Tomorrow you got a meet
against St. Agnes,

and there's two things
you got to get, Jordan.

What?
One is a new ribbon.

And two--

the eye of the tiger.

Let your Uncle Bernie show
you how to put it in, son.

You put it in there, boy.

( intro to "Eye
of the Tiger" playing)

♪ Risin' up,
back on the street ♪

♪ Did my time, took my chances

♪ Went the distance,
now I'm back on my feet ♪

♪ Just a man
and his will to survive ♪

♪ It's the eye of the tiger,
it's the thrill of the fight ♪

♪ Risin' up
to the challenge of our rival ♪

♪ And the last-known survivor
stalks his prey in the night ♪

♪ And he's watching us all
with the eye ♪

♪ Of the tiger ♪

(applauding)

VANESSA:
Triple snake.

That's my boy.

You were great, Jordan.

Hurry up.
We're all going for pizza.

Hey, Uncle Bernie,
have you noticed

how many pretty girls
are on the gymnastics team?

Don't get me wrong.
I mean, I love my ribbons,

but pretty girls sure are
a nice fringe benefit.

Especially Chrissie.

Is she the one
who did the rings?

Yeah. She's
really strong.

And I think
she likes me.

♪ Now if you feel
that you can't go on ♪

♪ Because all
of your hope is gone ♪

You see that, America?

The dynasty continue,

and I'm sitting
at the judges' table.

I'd give that boy a ten.

♪ Come on, girl ♪

Oh, yeah.

America.
Aren't you a little too big
for that, man?

I just told you it's all
about the boy, Shaq.

You know, you
don't be listenin'.

Whatever, man.

You know. Yeah, I
know whatever, man.
You know.

What?

What you think
I said, Shaq?

What?
Bust a move.

What's up then?
Bust a move.

Come on now.

Come on, make--
make a move.

(laughing)

Y'all are crazy.

Better talk to him.

David and Goliath.

1-11.
(chuckles)

Captioned by VISUAL DATA