Original subtitles

(door shuts) BRYANA: Four and "O",

four and "O", four and "O", four and "O"!

Now, now, Bryana, remember what I said about boasting?

You got to be accurate.

Five and "O"! Five and "O"!

(laughs) I got to go pee.

Ooh! (whistle blows) Go pee.

Hey, Coach Stanley says

I am the best assistant coach he's ever had.

Yeah, you go on and enjoy baby girl,

'cause we got practice,

and it starts tomorrow.

We've been going at it, right, Jordan?

2/7. Two hours a day, seven days a week.

You know, it's a new expression I'm trying to start.

Kind of like 24/7,

but mine is much more realistic,

because really, who does something

24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

I'm going to start a whole bunch of expressions.

I'm just showing the boy some of my moves from Chicago.

Uh-oh. Yeah.

The Macman crossover dribble,

the smooth groove, no-look pass,

and the Macman tomahawk jam, boy! Yeah!

My George Gervin finger roll

and the Shaq power slam was, between you and me,

borrowed mainly from the Mac power slam.

Oh, it does, does it?

I mean, yours is good too, Shaq.

So, are you trying out for the grade school team?

No, um, what, me?

No. I mean, I'm just a little excited for the boy.

Really excited, you know?

It's not about me; it's about the boy.

Aren't you a little too big for that?

I just told you, Shaq, about the boy.

Too big for that, man.

Well, I mean, you are, too.

You're too big to be hittin' me on my arm like that, too.

What you going to do about it?

I mean, you know, I'll tell you what.

You do it again, you'll find out very quickly.

You just rubbed it. I said "hit" like you did.

You just rubbed a little harder than the first time.

I said hit like you... You tappin'.

Now, I want you to hit me like you did

the first time, and watch, America...

(mutters, chuckles)

The Pistol Pete, hair-floppin', no-look pass.

Less floppin', less floppin',

but he's gettin' it together. (laughs)

Come here, Jordan.

Look here.

You see this?

This was mine back in the day.

Wow!

Conference champs two years in a row,

but now, son,

we're officially going to start our own dynasty.

Yo, ho, ho, bro!

That's another one of my new expressions.

It means, "You can say that again,"

or "You got that right." Hmm!

Okay.

Okay! Over here!

(indistinct chattering)

(whistle blows)

(snickering)

Still standing.

Uh... well, that- that's right, Jordan.

Now, look, don't get me wrong.

Even though standing is very important

in basketball, you know, passing,

shooting... they're important, too.

And I also can't dribble.

(whistle blows)

Look, there's a lot of other teams, Jordan.

What about swimming? Okay,

but I'm not supposed to put my head under the water.

What about wrestling?

Ooh, I love wrestling. Yeah.

I watch it all the time on TV.

(grunting) What? That looks real...

and where are their capes?

Good luck.

Hey, baby, check him out.

Hey!

How'd the first day

of practice go?

I didn't make the basketball team.

The coach says I stink at basketball.

Well, he didn't use those exact words,

but the other kids did.

Well, where'd you get your uniform?

I did make the gymnastics team

just like Vanessa.

I'm going to be the Lord of the Rings.

Lord of the Rings?!

Just like Nessa?!

America, that can't be good. No, sir.

You want to be like Uncle Bernie.

World don't need two Nessas.

Don't be following her footsteps. She trouble.

Uncle Bernie,

the rings-- they're really hard,

but if Jordan's going to do them,

he has to develop his upper body strength.

He does? Yeah, you know,

like, his delts, pecs, traps, and lats.

Jordan wants delts, pecs, lats, and what?

Traps.

Oh, and he also wants a chin-up bar.

(chuckles)

All right.

America, I spoke too soon.

Gymnastic and the girls are about to do

what I never could do:

that is, make a man out of Jordan.

Gymnastics. That's an Olympic sport.

Hey, baby, you didn't get this squash

from a grocery store, did you? Nope. Farmer's Market.

So, what's going on?

Nothing. (Jordan grunting)

How's the gig?

Ah. Fine. Remember Francine from Accounting? Francine...

Oh, that's the lady with the big feet. (Jordan grunting)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Okay, so she comes back from vacation, right,

with this new nose, and she expects nobody to notice.

What? It's so weird.

Baby girl, you eat your squash. Yum, yum.

I'm telling you, man, athletics is taking over the boy's life.

It's only fitting. It's part of the inevitable living under this roof.

Hey, pommel horse, rings. Gymnasts are strong, man. Yeah.

-Sure is. -Yeah, remember Kerri Strug?

Oh, man, broken ankle,

all coming down to the last vault...

then landing it, perfect.

(laughing)

You look just like her, man.

I made two bills off that vault.

What? Hey, hey, hey, uh, hey, man.

That's a little girl, man, not a horse.

Wait a minute, who-who-who says when do you even care?

No, man, this isn't appropriate, man.

When's the boy's first meet?

Um, tomorrow. I'm going to be there, front and center.

I'm going with you. I mean, why wait

four years for my gymnastics.

Oh... Jordan asked me

to put up a chin-up bar.

Oh... Oh...

What? Check him out.

Yeah.

(crowd "oohing" and applauding)

9.2, 9.3, tops.

WOMAN: Oh...

9.5?

Oh, man, must be out of their mind, man.

That's ridiculous.

Oh, I think Jordan's next.

( "Eye of the Tiger" playing)

What happened to Lord of the Rings?

What happened to Lord of the Rings?!

♪ Risin' up, back on the street ♪

♪ Did my time, took my chances

♪ Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet ♪

♪ Just a man... ♪

Big fella...

this don't leave the gym.

Yeah, but what about the tights?

No. Don't leave the gym, you hear me?

The gym.

(chuckles)

Six and "O", six and "O", six and "O",

six and "O", six and "O",

six and "O"!

Honey, what is it? (Bryana continues chanting)

The boy was dancing with ribbons.

What? Wait, I-I-I thought

he was on the gymnastics team?

They added ribbon twirling to the Olympics in 1984.

(chuckling): They give a medal for...?

That can't be right.

Baby, I've got to get that boy off the team.

I mean, Macmen-- we don't...

I'm not going to that meet at St. Agnes. I'm not going.

(sighs)

You should count your blessings.

Today, Bryana fell, and they kicked her in the head.

I wish somebody'd kick that boy in the damn head.

Come on, sweetheart,

a ribbon twirler? Come on, Wanda.

Ain't no danger. Ain't no danger.

It'll be okay, but you would've been proud

of my little Bryana today.

Your little Bryana?

She our baby girl.

Don't take her away from me now.

Well, she didn't even cry.

He did.

Wait, wait, wait,

you said there was no danger. He got hurt?

His routine helped the team win today.

They was tears of joy, sweetheart,

tears of damn joy.

Crying all over the place, everybody weepin'.

VANESSA: Did you do the snake toss?

Double snake toss,

and Uncle Bernie was there to see it.

Lord of the Rings.

What happened to traps and lats?

My-my traps and lats just aren't there yet.

The coach says I should wait till puberty,

but until then, I'm Lord of the Ribbons.

(chuckles)

And you knew about this, didn't you?

I did.

When were you going to tell me, Nessa?

I didn't think you'd like it.

(sighs) Look, I helped Jordan with his routine,

and you're always telling me

to look out for Jordan and be a good big sister.

That's all I was trying to do.

Now you're perfect.

You helped him get on the gymnastics team,

now tell him how to get him kicked off.

Maybe I need to put some drugs in his urine or something. What you think, baby?

Uncle Bernie,

he likes it, and he's good at it.

"Eye of the Tiger."

You could've picked a better song.

Jordan picked the song.

N-Now you rippin' my heart out.

Here he comes.

( "Eye of the Tiger" playing)

Look.

Oh. Oh.

Ooh. Ooh.

And I put up a chin-up bar.

We both know he can't do a chin-up.

Do I got a paper cut?

(cheering) Hands, that was hands!

Number 17, right halfback! Come on, ref!

(whistle blows)

Good eye, Wanda. You're the best. (sighs)

(whistle blows) Over to Kate, to Kate, good, good!

Come on, Bryana's wide open!

She's wide open!

Oh, did you see what that chubby girl just did to baby girl?

This ain't football, Refrigerator. (whistle blows)

Let me tell you... Honey, honey, please,

sit down.

(girls shouting)

All right. Bry, honey, does it hurt?

I'm going to kill her.

That's my girl.

All right, Ace bandages, and give me orange slices.

(voice slowed and deep): Another.

(growls): Back in there. (yelling)

Yeah!

(whistle blows)

Hey, honey, where you going?

It's getting exciting.

I promised Jordan I'd take him

to the sports store to buy some equipment.

Okay, all right, baby. All right, let's go!

Jordan, Jordan, don't touch nothin'.

Better not touch nothin'.

(laughs)

I'm-I'm sorry. Excuse me. It's all right.

Listen, maybe you can help me. Yeah?

M-M-My boy, he needs, um...

This is kind of... kind of awkward.

I've never bought this before. Don't worry about it.

Cups and athletic supporters are in Aisle Two,

top of the shelf. Oh, no, no, no, you... you don't understand.

My... the boy, he needs some... unitards.

I'm sorry. What?

Unitards. Unitards.

You're kind of loud.

Let me see if I can find somebody for you, okay?

Thank you. I'll meet you out back here.

Jordan, don't touch nothin'!

Shoulder pads, mitt, unitard,

helmet, boxing glove,

(laughs): jock itch, and hockey stick.

(chuckles) JORDAN: Uncle Bernie,

we also need ribbon. 5 and 3/8th.

That's exactly what Mary Margaret O'Brien used

at the 1994 Nationals.

Uh, we don't, uh, sell ribbon,

but there is an Ashby Fabrics on Sepulveda.

Ashby Fabrics on Sepulveda, here we come.

Hey, I thought we were going to watch the game.

Six...

...seven.

So, uh, what you got there?

Baby, I got equipment for every sport.

Something got to stick.

(chuckles): Save the receipt.

Uh, Bryana, that bath is ready.

I want you to get out of those dirty clothes.

I don't want to take a bath.

And this isn't dirt.

This is blood from Katlin's nose.

Well, at least wash your hands. (both chuckling)

(belching)

JORDAN: ♪ Risin' up, back on the street ♪

♪ Took my time, took my chances ♪

♪ I went the distance, now I'm back on my feet ♪

♪ Just a man and his will to survive ♪

♪ It's the eye of the tiger ♪

♪ It's the thrill of the fight... ♪

Hey, uh, Wanda says baby girl's team is undefeated.

7 and "O."

I know what undefeated is.

So, how's the boy doing?

You know, you never did tell us

how that gymnastics went.

He's fine. Everybody's fine.

Is this Oprah, or are we playing poker, or what?

Ooh.

Let's play.

Oh, that's too rich for me, man.

I just do not have the eye of the tiger tonight.

Well, I do.

You know what?

Matter of fact, I feel so good man,

y'all might as well

just wrap that pot up right there

and tie a ribbon around it.

(singing intro to "Eye of the Tiger")

(laughter)

Oh, man...

Hey, look, man, I tried, man.

I tried.

That's just too much to ask, man.

♪ Took my time, took my chances... ♪ Whoo!

Oh, there's the ribbon, there's the ribbon.

(cartoon noise on TV) ♪ ...Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet ♪

♪ Just a man and his will to survive ♪

♪ It's the eye of the tiger risin' up to the street... ♪

You know, you let me down, big fella.

Hey, hey, I ain't the one dancing with the ribbon, man.

Come on, now.

That's true, it ain't him.

Dancing with ribbons.

Man, it's a Catholic school; that's a sin right there.

You know, patty cake more masculine. (men laughing)

Double Dutch take more muscle.

Why don't the boy just put a bow in his hair, sissy?

(men laughing) Oh!

I'd rather see him take a cooking class or something. (laughter)

Oh, come on, man! That's stirrin' the pot, you know...

Yo, baby!

Shh, come here.

Jordan's home.

What happened to that ribbon practice?

Jordan quit the team.

Thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus!

Don't play with Jesus.

Honey, he threw out the ribbon.

What? We could have used that at Christmas. That boy crazy.

He said he was going to focus

on making the basketball team for next year. Hmm.

I think we should talk to him.

What? And jeopardize screwing this up?

You're crazy.

He was so excited about being a part of a team No, no, no.

and now-- pfft, now he's in there Wanda...

just watching cartoons.

I'm talking about the cartoons without the animals. No, no, no.

He hates the cartoons without the animals.

Baby, baby, baby, don't you see it?

The boy was going through a phase.

He finally got through this phase.

We never had this happen to us before.

Trust me. Let me handle it.

Jordan?

You want to shoot hoops with your uncle?

JORDAN: Okay.

Oh, and get rid of those unitards.

Come on, boy!

America, there's hope yet for the Mac dynasty.

Yeah, it's my fault.

I pushed the boy too soon.

He's simply not ready this season,

but next season, a whole 'nother story.

Coach Bernie Mac in the house.

Look alive, boy.

(loud thud)

Two seasons.

JORDAN: Ow.

Get up.

Walk it off.

Same time tomorrow, Jordan.

JORDAN: Okay.

2-7, boy.

JORDAN: What? Oh, yeah, right.

What are you doing?

Teaching Jordan how to play basketball.

Basketball is the future.

Gymnastics was the past.

Don't nobody give a whoop about no doggone gymnastics, Nessa.

But you know what?

You keep up the good work.

Jordan quit his team today,

and I think he needs one of your

"You should never be a quitter" speeches.

Well, I'm changing my position about quitter.

It's all right to be a quitter.

I don't believe you.

Look here, girl.

It was a phase.

It was a good thing he quit, too.

Before long, all his friends and kids

would have been teasing him.

Boy dancing with ribbons.

That can be hard on a boy.

His friends were fine with it.

And he was helping the team win.

The only people teasing Jordan were you and your friends.

That's why he quit the team.

He heard you making fun of him.

It wasn't a phase.

Damn.

America, you know,

sometime, my job isn't to be proud of our children

when they succeed at something we want them to do,

but to be proud of them

when they succeed at something they want to do.

I got to be honest, Bernie. Mm-hmm?

You know the kids that got the little stick

with the little ribbon on the end,

and they making that noise, "Whew whew whew," And they twirling it,

"Whew whew whew," and they're making little designs,

and just doing this and doing that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's beautiful, man.

That's like flowers in the air.

(sniffling)

Hey, Uncle Bernie, watch this.

(rattling)

Don't worry about that, Air Jordan.

Come over here.

Right before you came out, I hit the backboard.

Jordan, sit down.

You should have seen it.

Bam!

Right against the wood.

Yeah? It was great.

Son, why'd you quit the gymnastics team?

It was a lame team.

And that music-- it was lame too.

You don't believe that.

No. It was a great song.

But you thought it was lame.

You know, son, sometimes it's not important what I think.

Sometimes.

Well, I thought it was a great song

for ribbon twirling.

Rhythmic gymnastics.

See, look at that.

I learned something right there.

I also learned that sometime

Uncle Bernie can say hurtful things.

Jordan, son,

I had my heart set on you playing basketball.

Vanessa says you're trying

to recapture your youth through me.

But you had your mind set on something else,

and that's okay.

Don't get me wrong.

I understand trying to relive your past glories at your age.

60, 65.

I ain't no 65.

50, 55?

Who the hell told this boy I'm 50...?

It's not important.

It's just that your past glories

must seem like ancient history.

Look here, boy.

Tomorrow you got a meet against St. Agnes,

and there's two things you got to get, Jordan.

What? One is a new ribbon.

And two--

the eye of the tiger.

Let your Uncle Bernie show you how to put it in, son.

You put it in there, boy.

( intro to "Eye of the Tiger" playing)

♪ Risin' up, back on the street ♪

♪ Did my time, took my chances

♪ Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet ♪

♪ Just a man and his will to survive ♪

♪ It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight ♪

♪ Risin' up to the challenge of our rival ♪

♪ And the last-known survivor stalks his prey in the night ♪

♪ And he's watching us all with the eye ♪

♪ Of the tiger ♪

(applauding)

VANESSA: Triple snake.

That's my boy.

You were great, Jordan.

Hurry up. We're all going for pizza.

Hey, Uncle Bernie, have you noticed

how many pretty girls are on the gymnastics team?

Don't get me wrong. I mean, I love my ribbons,

but pretty girls sure are a nice fringe benefit.

Especially Chrissie.

Is she the one who did the rings?

Yeah. She's really strong.

And I think she likes me.

♪ Now if you feel that you can't go on ♪

♪ Because all of your hope is gone ♪

You see that, America?

The dynasty continue,

and I'm sitting at the judges' table.

I'd give that boy a ten.

♪ Come on, girl ♪

Oh, yeah.

America. Aren't you a little too big for that, man?

I just told you it's all about the boy, Shaq.

You know, you don't be listenin'.

Whatever, man.

You know. Yeah, I know whatever, man. You know.

What?

What you think I said, Shaq?

What? Bust a move.

What's up then? Bust a move.

Come on now.

Come on, make-- make a move.

(laughing)

Y'all are crazy.

Better talk to him.

David and Goliath.

1-11. (chuckles)

Captioned by VISUAL DATA