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1
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,469
America, you're a democracy.
2
00:00:20,545 --> 00:00:24,639
You have all kinds of freedom
and equality, and that's great.
3
00:00:24,716 --> 00:00:27,517
And that works for you,
and I respect that.
4
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:30,145
But we got a different system
here at the Mac household.
5
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:32,147
It's called "dictatorship."
6
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,607
And it works like this--
7
00:00:33,683 --> 00:00:37,611
See, I am the king,
and what I say goes.
8
00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:40,614
All the other folks,
they're my subjects.
9
00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:42,816
I have my queen, Wanda...
10
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:47,746
Your Highness.
11
00:00:47,823 --> 00:00:49,539
My lady.
12
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,708
(chuckling)
13
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:52,876
I know how to pick 'em...
14
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:53,919
(clears throat)
15
00:00:53,995 --> 00:00:55,721
I got my princess...
16
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,555
Thank you.
17
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,067
Oh...
18
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,363
I've got my court jester...
19
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:16,399
What's happening,
my man?
20
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,859
(laughing)
21
00:01:17,936 --> 00:01:18,860
Oh, here.
22
00:01:18,937 --> 00:01:20,412
Give it here.
23
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:24,950
(clears throat)
24
00:01:25,026 --> 00:01:28,087
And my royal pain in the ass...
25
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,758
My royal
pain in the ass!
26
00:01:35,453 --> 00:01:37,679
Ew, these fries are cold.
27
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,141
Is that...
28
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,271
Help yourself.
29
00:01:49,217 --> 00:01:54,604
(dance music playing on TV)
30
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:55,897
BOTH:
Aww.
31
00:01:55,974 --> 00:01:57,466
Let's go to bed.
32
00:01:57,542 --> 00:01:59,860
-But our favorite
show is on next.
-What's the name of it?
33
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,236
-Uh...
-Yeah, just like
34
00:02:01,313 --> 00:02:01,945
I thought--
let's go to bed.
35
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,789
BOTH:
Aww.
36
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,300
Every night I go through
the same thing.
37
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,786
I don't know what I got to do
to get these kids to listen.
38
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,130
Stand on top of my head?
39
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,631
See, Shannon, I am way
out of practice.
40
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:22,933
Are you kidding?
41
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,551
There are a lot of girls
on the team
42
00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,136
who can't even do
what you just did.
43
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,637
Like who?
44
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:28,972
You know
Debbie Menna?
45
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,724
Oh, yeah, she's pretty.
46
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,808
Not when she tries
47
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:34,153
a straddle and falls
on her face.
48
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,781
Get out, I'm busy.
49
00:02:39,476 --> 00:02:41,785
But Uncle Bernie
said we have to
go to bed now.
50
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:44,362
Can't I have
one minute to myself?
51
00:02:44,439 --> 00:02:45,831
Dang.
52
00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:49,492
Okay, look, you can stay up
another half hour and that's it.
53
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:50,827
Yeah!
54
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,422
But Uncle Bernie said
we have to go to bed.
55
00:02:53,498 --> 00:02:55,790
Well, I'm saying
you can stay up.
This is my house, too.
56
00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:57,734
I've got rights.
57
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,754
And if Bernie Mac's got
a problem with that,
well, tough...
58
00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:01,847
poop.
59
00:03:06,962 --> 00:03:08,345
Hey.
60
00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:10,513
I thought I
told you all
to go to bed.
61
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,682
Vanessa said
we could stay up.
62
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,017
-Nessa?
-Yup.
63
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,944
And she said
you have tough poop.
64
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:19,298
Nessa!
65
00:03:19,374 --> 00:03:20,690
I'm gonna
count to three.
66
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,108
Just come tomorrow.
67
00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:24,569
-I don't know.
-One!
68
00:03:24,646 --> 00:03:26,154
It'll get you out
of this house.
69
00:03:26,231 --> 00:03:27,656
What time is practice?
70
00:03:27,732 --> 00:03:29,583
Two!
Three!
71
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:30,867
What?
72
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,085
This is what I'm talking about.
73
00:03:32,162 --> 00:03:33,837
Nessa, did you say
they could stay up?
74
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,039
-So?
-So?
75
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,374
When did you become
boss around here?
76
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:39,042
You should thank me.
77
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,201
Come again?
78
00:03:40,279 --> 00:03:42,254
You are the one who's
always complaining
79
00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:44,798
about how hard it is
to get these kids to bed.
80
00:03:44,874 --> 00:03:47,801
Every night, you yell
and chase them,
and before you know it,
81
00:03:47,877 --> 00:03:50,136
they've squeezed
an extra hour out of you.
82
00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:51,188
At least.
83
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,014
Whereas, you can just
let them stay up
84
00:03:53,091 --> 00:03:54,849
and fall asleep
in front of the TV,
85
00:03:54,926 --> 00:03:56,101
and you can
carry them to bed.
86
00:03:56,177 --> 00:03:57,894
Is that right?
87
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,137
You'd think you'd learn.
88
00:03:59,214 --> 00:04:00,814
You got it all together, right?
89
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,400
Well, let me break it
down to you, Nessa.
90
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:06,611
The point is, I make the rules.
I give the bed times.
91
00:04:06,688 --> 00:04:08,613
I give the orders.
92
00:04:08,690 --> 00:04:11,074
And I expect all the orders
to be carried out
93
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,701
without any
interference from you.
94
00:04:12,777 --> 00:04:13,852
Is that understood?
95
00:04:13,929 --> 00:04:15,912
-Yeah.
-Thank you.
96
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,423
-I want you two to go
to bed right now.
-But...
97
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:22,803
Okay, come on, Bry.
98
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:26,214
You see that?
99
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,892
Without any
interference from you.
100
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:33,471
America, follow me
to the throne room.
101
00:04:33,548 --> 00:04:36,641
The king wishes to have
a private audience.
102
00:04:36,718 --> 00:04:38,092
Immediately.
103
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:44,941
The king is weary from battle,
y'all.
104
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,319
You all see what I go through.
105
00:04:47,395 --> 00:04:50,789
America, and most nights,
it's not that easy.
106
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:53,783
Yeah.
107
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,453
Why was it that easy?
108
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:58,788
What happened back there?
109
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:02,009
Come on, let's look at that
scene again.
110
00:05:03,953 --> 00:05:06,838
All right, there go
the Mac man, I'm cool.
111
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,056
Collected.
112
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:11,676
I'm laying down the law.
I like that.
113
00:05:11,753 --> 00:05:12,761
I give the orders.
114
00:05:12,837 --> 00:05:14,554
Smooth, in control.
115
00:05:14,631 --> 00:05:17,349
All right, let's see
what's going on.
116
00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:18,641
That understood?
117
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:19,642
Yeah.
118
00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:20,902
Thank you.
119
00:05:20,979 --> 00:05:22,812
I want you two to goto bed right now.
120
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,949
-But...
-Oh!
121
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,942
Oh, hold on, hold on.
122
00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:29,778
Rewind that back.
123
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,321
Let's reexamine this.
124
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,490
Did you see that?
See what I saw?
125
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:35,825
I want you two to goto bed right now.
126
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:39,004
-But...
-Look.
127
00:05:39,081 --> 00:05:40,705
Skunk.
128
00:05:40,782 --> 00:05:43,833
Trickaration!
129
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:47,295
Oh, oh,
she signaled him.
You saw it.
130
00:05:47,372 --> 00:05:50,265
Right under my own nose,
in my own house.
131
00:05:50,342 --> 00:05:52,926
Now how long
this been going on?
132
00:05:53,002 --> 00:05:55,062
You can't trust nobody.
133
00:05:56,881 --> 00:05:59,182
Do I have to eat it?
134
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,768
Yes.
135
00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,937
Bye.
136
00:06:04,013 --> 00:06:06,189
-Hey!
-Uh-huh.
137
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:09,192
I don't want to take a bath.
138
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,402
No bath, no movie.
139
00:06:10,478 --> 00:06:11,995
Now the choice is yours.
140
00:06:13,148 --> 00:06:14,623
Okay, bath.
141
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:21,287
All this time, undermining
my authority.
142
00:06:21,364 --> 00:06:23,206
Who does she think she is?
143
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,500
I'm the king of this castle.
144
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:27,177
She don't pull no strings
around here.
145
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,420
I do!
146
00:06:28,496 --> 00:06:30,055
I'm the puppet master.
147
00:06:30,132 --> 00:06:31,923
I gotta look at it again.
148
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,059
I'm going to pop.
149
00:06:47,891 --> 00:06:49,157
Real clever, Nessa.
150
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:53,153
Where I come from,
they call that "slick."
151
00:06:53,229 --> 00:06:54,988
What are you talking about?
152
00:06:55,064 --> 00:06:56,239
What am I
talking about?
153
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:57,540
You know what
I'm talking about.
154
00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,534
Little games you're
playing with the kids.
155
00:06:59,611 --> 00:07:02,203
Signals, the head nod,
winks, and all
that kind of stuff.
156
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,872
Yeah.
157
00:07:03,948 --> 00:07:05,915
I got you faded, baby.
158
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:08,051
-You're trippin'.
-Oh, I'm trippin'.
159
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,336
Yeah, okay,
I'm trippin'...
160
00:07:09,412 --> 00:07:10,587
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
161
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,130
Let me ask
you kids something.
162
00:07:12,207 --> 00:07:13,598
Who's the boss around here?
163
00:07:15,376 --> 00:07:17,218
Don't look at her.
Answer the question.
164
00:07:17,295 --> 00:07:19,220
Baby girl,
who's the person
165
00:07:19,297 --> 00:07:21,431
-of authority around here?
-Don't look at them, Nessa.
166
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,475
Come on,
baby girl.
167
00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:25,143
Tell me, who's the one
with authority?
168
00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:26,269
Come on.
169
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:29,030
Answer the question--
who's the leader?
170
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:32,784
(both talking at once)
171
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,957
Oh, I'm sorry, America.
172
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,793
How you doing?
173
00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:52,629
You know, I'm just sitting here
thinking about sleigh dogs.
174
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:54,297
You know, those husky dogs
175
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:57,300
that pull Eskimos
all around the North Pole?
176
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,135
I was just
sitting here thinking
177
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,670
that life's
like a team of dogs,
178
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,097
because,
if you're not the lead dog,
179
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:06,184
the only view
is another dog's ass.
180
00:08:06,261 --> 00:08:09,187
Is that what life
has in store for me?
181
00:08:09,264 --> 00:08:10,864
Bernie Mac?
182
00:08:10,941 --> 00:08:13,325
Nothing but dog ass?
183
00:08:14,602 --> 00:08:19,197
America,
I used to be the lead dog.
184
00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:21,666
They used to look at my ass.
185
00:08:21,743 --> 00:08:23,993
Boy, it smells good
up in here.
186
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:25,328
Pork chops!
187
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:27,997
Baby, that's fancy.
What's the occasion?
188
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,299
We're
celebrating.
189
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:30,917
Vanessa made
the gymnastics team.
190
00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:33,002
Go, Nessa!
191
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,103
Ho-ho... hold on.
192
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,772
It ain't one of those things
193
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:37,257
where I got to get up
at 5:00 in the morning
194
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,508
and drop you off somewhere,
is it?
195
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,218
Practice
is after school.
196
00:08:40,295 --> 00:08:42,053
Go, Nessa! Yeah!
197
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,846
Yum! Brownies!
198
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,815
I want one!
Can I have one?
Can I have one?
199
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,850
Hell, no,
you can't have no brownie.
200
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:50,395
Wait a minute.
201
00:08:50,471 --> 00:08:53,565
America, I don't have
to be the boss anymore.
202
00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:55,525
Vanessa got the power.
203
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,369
And you know what?
I won't fight it.
204
00:08:57,445 --> 00:08:59,571
I'll use it to my advantage.
205
00:08:59,647 --> 00:09:02,791
Let her be the boss of them,
and I'll be the boss of her.
206
00:09:02,867 --> 00:09:04,626
Aha! Doggone it!
207
00:09:04,703 --> 00:09:07,370
I boss her, she bosses them.
208
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,164
I got two less kids
I have to talk to.
209
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,666
Doggone, Bernie Mac!
210
00:09:11,743 --> 00:09:13,635
Why didn't I think
of that earlier?
211
00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:15,003
Whoo!
212
00:09:15,079 --> 00:09:16,879
She'll see.
213
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:20,174
(laughing)
214
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,594
Yeah!
215
00:09:22,670 --> 00:09:24,554
Better yet,
I changed my mind.
216
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:27,265
You want a brownie,
you can have one, son.
217
00:09:27,342 --> 00:09:28,266
All right!
218
00:09:28,343 --> 00:09:29,934
But it ain't
up to me.
219
00:09:30,011 --> 00:09:30,935
It's not?
220
00:09:31,012 --> 00:09:32,270
No. It's up to Nessa.
221
00:09:32,347 --> 00:09:34,606
See, she's the one
with the authority.
222
00:09:34,682 --> 00:09:36,316
What do you say, Nessa?
223
00:09:36,392 --> 00:09:38,192
Would it be all right
for your baby brother
224
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,569
to fill up on dessert
before dinner?
225
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,003
-(horn honking)
-That's Shannon.
226
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,280
I got to go practice.
I'll eat when I get home.
227
00:09:42,357 --> 00:09:43,990
No, no, no.
Nessa, Nessa, come on, now.
228
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,867
Can your brother have
a brownie or what, come on?
229
00:09:45,943 --> 00:09:48,536
-Whatever your
Uncle Bernie says.
-(horn honking)
230
00:09:48,613 --> 00:09:50,580
He says I could.
231
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:51,706
Yes!
232
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,024
No! Bernie!
233
00:09:53,101 --> 00:09:55,126
I cannot believe that girl
got me again.
234
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,211
When I try...
235
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,764
What the heck is going on?
236
00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:01,925
Nessa.
237
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,927
Dance, Uncle Bernie, dance.
238
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:07,439
That's you, Nessa.
239
00:10:07,515 --> 00:10:09,307
Nessa, stop!
240
00:10:09,384 --> 00:10:11,768
Keep dancing, ha, ha!
241
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:13,002
I'm black.
242
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:14,437
At least keep me on the...
on the beat.
243
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,480
Thank you, thank you.
244
00:10:15,556 --> 00:10:18,024
(sinister laugh)
245
00:10:18,101 --> 00:10:18,992
Nessa.
246
00:10:19,069 --> 00:10:20,118
Nessa!
247
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:23,079
(girls talking and laughing)
248
00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:27,200
You get your
little self in here.
249
00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:28,409
I don't want to sleep
in the office.
250
00:10:28,486 --> 00:10:30,495
I want to stay
at Vanessa's party.
251
00:10:30,571 --> 00:10:33,122
Jordan, slumber parties
are for girls, honey.
252
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,415
No boys allowed.
253
00:10:34,492 --> 00:10:37,168
Why, so they can talk
about their boobies?
254
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:40,046
Ha, Jordan
said boobies.
255
00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:41,839
Boobies!
(laughs)
256
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:44,768
Well, that's the last time
we have sugar before bed.
257
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:45,927
She walked through the house.
258
00:10:46,003 --> 00:10:47,178
No one was there.
259
00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:49,681
All the lights was off.
260
00:10:49,757 --> 00:10:54,894
She screamed, she hollered,
but no one heard her.
261
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:57,230
The phone was dead.
262
00:10:57,306 --> 00:11:00,149
And she reached
for the knob.
263
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,244
And there was a bloody hook.
264
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:06,439
From the last person
265
00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:09,409
who touched Bernie Mac's
stereo without his permission.
266
00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:13,037
(sinister laugh)
267
00:11:13,114 --> 00:11:14,956
Okay, can you leave?
268
00:11:15,032 --> 00:11:16,165
Yeah.
269
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,419
Okay, yes, I'll leave.
270
00:11:19,495 --> 00:11:23,214
But seriously,
if you girls get hungry,
271
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,266
go to a restaurant.
272
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:30,112
Enjoy yourself.
273
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:31,931
Have pleasant dreams,
you little...
274
00:11:32,008 --> 00:11:32,707
All right.
275
00:11:32,784 --> 00:11:35,151
Okay...
(laughs)
276
00:11:38,055 --> 00:11:39,355
Good night.
277
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,274
(sinister laugh)
278
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,026
He's a professional
comedian?
279
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:47,247
(all talking at once)
280
00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:54,203
Hey, get out.
281
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,705
It's our room, too.
282
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:58,249
You share a room with
your little brother?
283
00:11:58,326 --> 00:11:59,876
How do you get
any privacy?
284
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,294
I don't,
that's the problem.
285
00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:02,345
Jordan, get out!
286
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:05,047
I need my helicopter.
287
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,758
Hi, I'm Jordan.
288
00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,926
Okay, you got it,
now go.
289
00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:12,680
No, I need my
rescue wings.
290
00:12:12,757 --> 00:12:16,476
(sports announcer from TV)
291
00:12:16,552 --> 00:12:17,727
Will you tell
292
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:19,562
that little brat
to stop bothering us?
293
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,814
(chuckles)
294
00:12:21,891 --> 00:12:24,233
Shoot, babe, I would
love to help you out,
295
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,702
but he won't listen to me.
296
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,070
He only listens to you.
297
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,906
That's sick.
298
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:32,667
Hi, hi-dee, boo-boo,
stick your head in doo-doo.
299
00:12:34,195 --> 00:12:36,078
Look, I'm a gymnast!
300
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:37,997
I'm about to do
a double flip-flop
301
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:40,291
with a banana split.
302
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,502
That's very tough.
303
00:12:42,578 --> 00:12:43,961
Look, I have boobies, too.
304
00:12:44,038 --> 00:12:44,962
See?
305
00:12:45,039 --> 00:12:46,347
ALL:
Aww!
306
00:12:46,424 --> 00:12:47,757
Oh, that's nothing.
307
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,384
-Look what I got.
-(gasping)
308
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,270
(screams)
309
00:12:57,260 --> 00:13:00,061
Jordan, I told you
to keep that in the barn.
310
00:13:00,137 --> 00:13:02,772
I never ask
for anything around here.
311
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:03,856
But the one time
312
00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:05,983
that I want something
for myself,
313
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:06,984
they ruin it.
314
00:13:07,061 --> 00:13:08,152
It's not fair.
315
00:13:08,229 --> 00:13:09,987
And it's bad enough
that I have to share
316
00:13:10,064 --> 00:13:12,123
a room with them
in the first place.
317
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,785
Okay, go back
to your party.
318
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:17,620
They won't
bother you anymore.
319
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:20,456
Thank you.
320
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,959
Now, you two.
321
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:25,795
You have got to stop
bothering your sister.
322
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:29,090
She's a teenager now,
and she needs her privacy,
323
00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:32,468
which means you have
to give her her space.
324
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,729
BOTH:
Do we have to, Uncle Bernie?
325
00:13:36,173 --> 00:13:37,807
I'm afraid so.
326
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,442
Did you see that?
327
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:42,445
Those kids asked me--
the Alpha Dog.
328
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:45,022
I'm leading the sled again,
baby.
329
00:13:45,099 --> 00:13:49,944
All you other dogs, get in line,
'cause it's sniffin' time.
330
00:13:50,021 --> 00:13:50,945
(sniffing)
331
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,447
(howling)
332
00:13:53,524 --> 00:13:54,457
Yes, sir.
333
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,125
(barks)
334
00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:01,747
♪ I'm the lead dog ♪
335
00:14:01,824 --> 00:14:03,124
♪ Woof♪
336
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,375
♪ Dog ♪
337
00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:05,376
♪ Woof♪
338
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:09,180
♪ Dog, Mac the lead dog ♪
339
00:14:09,257 --> 00:14:10,298
♪ Woof♪
340
00:14:10,374 --> 00:14:11,632
♪ Dog ♪
341
00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:12,884
♪ Woof♪
342
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,720
♪ Dog, oh, lead dog ♪
343
00:14:15,796 --> 00:14:16,804
♪ Woof♪
344
00:14:16,881 --> 00:14:18,180
Hey, Vanessa's home.
345
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:20,516
Can you teach me how
to do a cartwheel?
346
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:23,194
I've been doing
cartwheels all day,
and I need to crash.
347
00:14:23,271 --> 00:14:24,729
But you promised.
348
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:25,780
Oh, good,
you're home.
349
00:14:25,857 --> 00:14:27,365
You can help me
with my model plane.
350
00:14:27,442 --> 00:14:28,816
Ask your
Uncle Bernie.
351
00:14:28,893 --> 00:14:30,735
He get impatient
and he jams the pieces.
352
00:14:30,811 --> 00:14:31,861
What did I say?
353
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,037
Well, I want
ice cream.
354
00:14:33,114 --> 00:14:34,664
Can you get
my lactose pill?
355
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:38,117
No, I'm sick of doing everything
for you guys.
356
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:39,085
Go ask Bigfoot.
357
00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:44,415
KIDS:
"Uncle Bernie?!
Uncle Bernie?! Uncle Bernie?!"
358
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:45,875
What?! What?! What?!
359
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,084
Do I eat nutmeg?
360
00:14:47,161 --> 00:14:48,669
Start my orange.
361
00:14:48,746 --> 00:14:50,254
Are these dirty?
362
00:14:50,331 --> 00:14:52,131
Pick a color.
363
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:53,507
Pull my finger.
364
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,301
Hold my gum.
365
00:14:55,378 --> 00:14:57,228
What's a lesbian?
366
00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:59,347
I can't feel anything.
367
00:14:59,423 --> 00:15:01,807
I mean, I'm completely numb.
368
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,352
They worked all my nerves.
369
00:15:04,428 --> 00:15:05,770
Every last one.
370
00:15:05,846 --> 00:15:08,648
Somebody call a nerve-ologist.
371
00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:11,233
That's the study of nerves.
372
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,328
They drove me crazy.
373
00:15:16,941 --> 00:15:19,408
Hey, stranger.
374
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,077
Long practice?
375
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:23,579
Mm.
376
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,548
Bryana and I
made cupcakes.
377
00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:30,803
We saved you one,
but Jordan ate the top.
378
00:15:32,915 --> 00:15:35,466
They really
miss you, you know.
379
00:15:35,543 --> 00:15:37,134
Maybe this Saturday--
380
00:15:37,211 --> 00:15:39,804
I have a meet
on Saturday.
381
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,140
-Well, maybe after.
-That won't work, because
we're all going out after.
382
00:15:43,217 --> 00:15:46,143
Nessa, look here,
I know you got your
gymnastic thing going on,
383
00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:48,020
but let me tell
you something, girl.
384
00:15:48,097 --> 00:15:50,231
You cold gotta find time
to raise your own kids.
385
00:15:50,307 --> 00:15:51,482
What?
386
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:52,733
What?
387
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:54,485
I gave baby girl
14 piggyback rides,
388
00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:57,697
and if I pull your brother's
finger one more doggone time,
389
00:15:57,773 --> 00:15:59,865
I'm gonna pull it off.
390
00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:01,450
Why do you keep
putting this on me?
391
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,785
What you
talking about?
392
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,495
They're not
my responsibility.
393
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:06,088
I have my own life.
394
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,915
Why can't you all just
understand that?
395
00:16:07,992 --> 00:16:10,960
Vanessa, it's just that
we never see you.
396
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,671
Good. That's the way
I want it right now.
397
00:16:13,748 --> 00:16:16,424
Why can't you all
just leave me alone?
398
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,017
What? What'd I say?
399
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:23,973
Bernie, what
are you doing?
400
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,850
Working out some
aggression,
401
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,644
so I can keep from
killing that girl.
402
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,863
Bernie, teenage girls
have it hard,
403
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:33,533
and Vanessa's had it tougher
than most.
404
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:37,820
Well, she got it going on
pretty easy now.
405
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:39,864
Well, I don't know
about that.
406
00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:41,699
I mean,
back in Chicago,
407
00:16:41,776 --> 00:16:44,076
she pretty much
raised those kids.
408
00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:47,204
And if you think about it,
she kind of still is.
409
00:16:47,281 --> 00:16:48,956
Well, she doing
a piss-poor job at it,
410
00:16:49,033 --> 00:16:50,708
'cause those kids
are running wild.
411
00:16:50,785 --> 00:16:52,635
At least they get
to run wild.
412
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,462
She never had the chance.
413
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:56,139
I mean, think about it.
414
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,558
She's never really been a kid.
415
00:17:00,127 --> 00:17:02,311
Let's not rob her
of being a teenager, too.
416
00:17:03,714 --> 00:17:05,565
Hmm, I never thought of that.
417
00:17:06,884 --> 00:17:07,850
Bernie.
418
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:08,893
What?
419
00:17:08,969 --> 00:17:11,062
I think I have
a great idea.
420
00:17:11,138 --> 00:17:13,573
(classical music plays)
421
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:40,016
(cheering)
422
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,711
Oh, hey, Vanessa.
423
00:18:09,864 --> 00:18:11,372
I want you
to meet my mom.
424
00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:12,465
Hi.
425
00:18:12,542 --> 00:18:14,583
Vanessa, your beam
routine was perfect.
426
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,252
You are so graceful.
427
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,878
-Thanks.
-Didn't I tell you
she was awesome?
428
00:18:17,955 --> 00:18:20,464
Do you need a ride?
429
00:18:20,541 --> 00:18:22,308
-Sure.
-Okay.
430
00:18:33,637 --> 00:18:35,396
Hey, how was the meet?
431
00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:37,523
Fine.
432
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,399
You all lost, huh?
433
00:18:38,475 --> 00:18:39,608
No, we won.
434
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:40,993
You won?
435
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,987
Oh, I wish we could
have been there.
436
00:18:43,063 --> 00:18:44,947
-Well, who stopped you?
-You.
437
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:48,075
-I did?
-Yes, sir...
438
00:18:48,152 --> 00:18:50,411
Well, honey, you
said you wanted
to be left alone.
439
00:18:50,487 --> 00:18:52,413
We thought we were
giving you space.
440
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:53,664
Figures.
441
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:55,916
Somehow, it's always my fault.
442
00:18:55,993 --> 00:18:58,335
Hey, hey, hey,
come here, man.
443
00:18:58,412 --> 00:19:00,212
Wh-wh-where
you going?
444
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:03,090
To my room.
Do you mind?
445
00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:04,283
No, we don't mind.
446
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,843
But that's not
the way to your room.
447
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,019
It's not?
448
00:19:12,927 --> 00:19:15,111
Ta-da!
449
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,490
This is your room.
450
00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:21,466
You like it?
451
00:19:25,022 --> 00:19:26,739
She don't like it.
I told you she wouldn't.
452
00:19:26,815 --> 00:19:28,206
Bernie.
453
00:19:31,579 --> 00:19:33,120
I know, sugar.
454
00:19:33,197 --> 00:19:36,498
Sometimes it's
all just too much.
455
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,834
Nessa, did somebody
say something or do
something to you?
456
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,336
'Cause I swear to God,
I'll kill them.
457
00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:43,505
I looked for you guys,
but you weren't there.
458
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,800
And everybody else had
family and I was alone.
459
00:19:46,877 --> 00:19:48,293
It's all right.
460
00:19:48,370 --> 00:19:51,222
We will be at every one
from now on.
461
00:19:51,298 --> 00:19:53,107
Who won? Who won?
462
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,018
Why are you
crying?
463
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,687
Don't you like
your new room?
464
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,648
She loves it.
465
00:20:00,724 --> 00:20:01,832
I love it, too.
466
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,442
These floors are
perfect for Hot Wheels.
467
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:05,328
Ain't no Hot Wheels
are going to be
nowhere around here.
468
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:07,780
I gave up my
bench and weights
for another play room.
469
00:20:07,856 --> 00:20:08,989
I catch you in here,
I'll kill you.
470
00:20:09,066 --> 00:20:11,450
Kids, this is
Vanessa's room now.
471
00:20:11,527 --> 00:20:14,411
You can only play here
if she invites you.
472
00:20:14,488 --> 00:20:16,330
Are you going
to invite us?
473
00:20:16,407 --> 00:20:18,832
All right, now you two
need to get ready for bed.
474
00:20:18,909 --> 00:20:20,793
BOTH:
Do we have to?
475
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,423
-Yes.
-Yes.
476
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:27,475
Okay.
477
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:36,108
You know, I never had
my own room before.
478
00:20:40,189 --> 00:20:41,830
And you know what?
479
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:45,401
The first time I ever understood
what you've been going through,
480
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,403
and I didn't handle it well.
481
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:49,664
So, I hope
this makes up for it.
482
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:51,815
Hey...
483
00:20:51,893 --> 00:20:53,375
So, come on, man,
what you think?
484
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:57,037
You ain't tell me what you
think about the room yet.
485
00:20:57,114 --> 00:20:58,205
Well...
486
00:20:58,282 --> 00:20:59,590
I see a phone.
487
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:00,791
Okay.
488
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:04,136
But no cable.
489
00:21:05,956 --> 00:21:07,598
There you have it, America.
490
00:21:07,675 --> 00:21:09,550
I spared her life.
491
00:21:09,626 --> 00:21:10,893
You know why?
492
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:14,513
A good king knows when
to show mercy.
493
00:21:14,590 --> 00:21:15,856
Mm.
494
00:21:19,219 --> 00:21:21,987
It's good to be king.
495
00:21:25,693 --> 00:21:30,663
♪ Hearts of fire createslove desire ♪
496
00:21:30,740 --> 00:21:33,240
♪ Take you highand higher ♪
497
00:21:33,317 --> 00:21:36,168
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
498
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:44,293
♪ Mac's the lead dog ♪
499
00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:47,212
♪ I said, dog ♪
500
00:21:47,289 --> 00:21:49,423
♪ Dog ♪
501
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:51,717
♪ 'Cause I'm the lead dog ♪
502
00:21:51,794 --> 00:21:52,843
♪ That's right ♪
503
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,303
♪ Dog ♪
504
00:21:54,380 --> 00:21:57,389
♪ Dog ♪
505
00:21:57,466 --> 00:21:58,599
♪ The lead dog ♪
506
00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:00,059
♪ Pay attention everybody ♪
507
00:22:00,135 --> 00:22:03,395
♪ Dog, ha, dog ♪
508
00:22:03,472 --> 00:22:04,813
♪ America, I said ♪
509
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:05,948
♪ Woof♪
510
00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:07,316
♪ Oh! ♪
511
00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:09,744
(production crew laughing)
33991
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