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1
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:21,261
America, every marriage
has its ups and downs,
2
00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:23,221
and Bernie Mac
is no different.
3
00:00:23,298 --> 00:00:25,682
And last week, it was down.
4
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,292
I mean, way down.
5
00:00:27,369 --> 00:00:30,896
Shake your body down
to the ground... down.
6
00:00:30,972 --> 00:00:32,981
And I want to tell you
about it.
7
00:00:33,058 --> 00:00:34,391
But I have to be fair.
8
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:36,610
If there's one thing
last week taught me,
9
00:00:36,686 --> 00:00:39,321
it was that
it ain't always what I think,
10
00:00:39,397 --> 00:00:41,031
even though
it's the Bernie Mac Show.
11
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:43,033
But I still want to give you
both sides,
12
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:44,743
so let me introduce someone
to you
13
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:45,911
with another point of view.
14
00:00:45,987 --> 00:00:47,979
(woman clearing throat)
15
00:00:48,057 --> 00:00:51,374
Wait a minute, baby.
Let me introduce you
to the people, okay?
16
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:55,378
And now, addressing America
for the very first time,
17
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:57,672
I'd like to introduce
my best friend.
18
00:00:57,749 --> 00:00:59,174
The sugar in my coffee.
19
00:00:59,251 --> 00:01:01,301
The a la mode in my pie.
20
00:01:01,378 --> 00:01:04,054
The black in my eyed-peas.
21
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:05,055
Miss Wanda.
22
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,232
Wanda Mac, y'all.
23
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,736
Oh. Now?
24
00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:16,399
How you doing, baby?
25
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,567
Okay.
26
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,319
Hi. I'm Wanda Mac.
27
00:01:19,396 --> 00:01:21,113
Look, America--
America right
in the middle.
28
00:01:21,189 --> 00:01:22,489
Oh, oh. I'm sorry.
29
00:01:22,566 --> 00:01:23,949
Yes.
30
00:01:24,025 --> 00:01:27,410
Anyway, um, I had all
this vacation saved up,
31
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,229
and I had to
use it or lose it,
32
00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:34,584
so I thought it would be nice
to spend some time at home.
33
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:35,627
(sighs)
How did I do?
34
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:36,628
You did good, girl.
35
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:37,921
I did?
36
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,215
-Are they still looking?
-Yeah.
37
00:01:40,226 --> 00:01:42,559
(alarm beeping)
38
00:01:43,879 --> 00:01:45,170
Now baby, gettin' up.
39
00:01:45,247 --> 00:01:48,515
No, no, Bernie.
You stay in bed.
I'll get the kids.
40
00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:49,583
What?
41
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:50,559
I want to get them ready
for school.
42
00:01:50,635 --> 00:01:51,935
Why?
43
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,979
Because I never get
to spend time with them.
44
00:01:54,055 --> 00:01:56,982
This will be a real chance
for us to bond.
45
00:01:57,058 --> 00:01:59,025
It'll be fun.
46
00:01:59,102 --> 00:02:01,695
Baby, it might be
a lot of things,
47
00:02:01,771 --> 00:02:03,280
but fun ain't going
to be one of them.
48
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,615
Hey, you get to be the mom
all the time.
49
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,993
It's my vacation.
I want to be the mom.
50
00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:09,452
Wanda, listen.
51
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,496
Why don't you try
something easy
52
00:02:11,573 --> 00:02:14,124
like being
a gardener,
okay?
53
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:15,125
I got this.
54
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:16,126
Okay.
55
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:18,220
Suit yourself, baby.
56
00:02:18,297 --> 00:02:19,713
But the key
to the liquor cabinet
57
00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:21,631
is under the fern.
58
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:22,757
Wake up, Jordan.
59
00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:25,510
Wipe the sandman
out your eyes.
60
00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:30,182
(humming)
61
00:02:30,258 --> 00:02:31,975
Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.
62
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:35,687
(groans)
63
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:38,282
Wakey, wakey.
64
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,983
That's right, everybody.
65
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,443
Rise and shine.
66
00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:44,496
Let's start a beautiful day.
67
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,028
Where are the kids at?
68
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:53,196
They'll be out in a jiff.
69
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,581
How many times
did you call them?
70
00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:57,042
-Once.
-Once?
71
00:02:57,118 --> 00:02:58,710
You treat those kids
like they're civilized.
72
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:01,379
Come here.
I'm gonna show you
how you wake the kids up.
73
00:03:01,456 --> 00:03:03,298
Come on.
Just follow me.
74
00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:04,799
All right, everybody,
get up.
75
00:03:04,876 --> 00:03:06,134
You all know the routine.
76
00:03:06,211 --> 00:03:07,177
I don't need you messing around.
77
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:08,970
Guess what, y'all?
78
00:03:09,047 --> 00:03:10,063
It's... show time!
79
00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:11,598
This is the ring leader
right here.
80
00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:13,725
Get her started, you
got everybody else.
81
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,110
Right here.
Let's go.
82
00:03:15,187 --> 00:03:16,904
Oh, yeah. I don't need
you messing around.
83
00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:18,313
This boy here-- he's
something else.
84
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:20,148
See? Hey, come on.
85
00:03:20,225 --> 00:03:21,691
Get up. Get up there.
86
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:22,859
Yeah, keep
going. Yeah.
87
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,027
That boy hate water, man.
88
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,570
He hate water
worse than the cat.
89
00:03:25,647 --> 00:03:27,072
Chase that. I see her.
You got to get
90
00:03:27,148 --> 00:03:28,832
the blood circulating
through her hair.
91
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:29,808
-(shriek)
-Let's go.
92
00:03:29,885 --> 00:03:30,909
-(shrieking)
-Circulating.
93
00:03:30,986 --> 00:03:32,285
See that there?
See that there?
94
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:33,620
All right, everybody.
All right.
95
00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:35,497
I want everybody
in the bathroom.
96
00:03:35,573 --> 00:03:38,083
Face washed, teeth brushed.
Hair combed.
97
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,761
I want you to move it.
Move it, move it!
98
00:03:40,837 --> 00:03:42,045
Ow!
99
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,130
You could have untied it first.
100
00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:45,857
Hey, baby, see,
this is not hard.
101
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:47,759
You got to treat those
kids like they convicts.
102
00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:49,152
You got to be creative.
103
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,220
You got to have
a little fun.
104
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,388
Look at that.
105
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:52,856
That was masterful.
106
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,891
That's a maestro
at work, baby.
107
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,935
(laughs)
108
00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,862
Is he always like this?
109
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,566
Baby.
110
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:06,820
What you doing?
111
00:04:06,896 --> 00:04:08,446
Making breakfast.
112
00:04:08,523 --> 00:04:11,324
I'm going to show you breakfast.
113
00:04:11,401 --> 00:04:12,242
You see this?
114
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:13,910
Bam, bam, bam!
115
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,378
That is called "breakfast."
116
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,205
This is a sad, sorry
excuse for breakfast.
117
00:04:17,282 --> 00:04:19,082
They're not gonna eat
no Egg Florentine.
118
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:20,375
They'll eat my
Eggs Florentine.
119
00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:21,251
No, they're not.
120
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:22,310
Yes, they will.
121
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,470
I bet they don't.
122
00:04:33,715 --> 00:04:35,265
Fine.
123
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,100
Go ahead and eat
124
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,486
cold cereal
for all I care.
125
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,573
I-I-I'll eat one of them.
126
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:49,279
Listen, baby, I like
your Eggs Florentine.
127
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:50,414
I don't have--
128
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,398
Hey, why don't
you make the kids
129
00:04:52,476 --> 00:04:54,951
some of your apricot
crepe sometime?
That's delicious.
130
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,745
(laughter)
131
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,539
I'm just saying,
baby, they black.
132
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:00,707
I'm black.
133
00:05:00,784 --> 00:05:02,317
Let's move on.
134
00:05:02,394 --> 00:05:05,628
Hey, I'm pulling out
in exactly 90 seconds.
135
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:06,796
Wait, here's your lunches.
136
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,173
Here's your lunches.
Here you go.
137
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,182
Here you go.
138
00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:10,592
Here you go.
139
00:05:10,668 --> 00:05:12,677
Hey, Bryana, honey,
tie your shoe.
140
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,929
I don't know
how to tie my shoes.
141
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,306
It's not hard.
142
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:17,432
I'll show you.
143
00:05:17,509 --> 00:05:18,892
We ain't got a lot
of time.
144
00:05:18,968 --> 00:05:20,176
We're under the gun now.
145
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:21,811
You take one lace,
you make a bunny ear.
146
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,938
You take the other lace,
make another bunny ear.
147
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:27,442
You fold it under
and voila!
Tied shoe.
148
00:05:27,519 --> 00:05:28,869
Now you try it.
149
00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:32,873
One lace.
150
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:35,975
Go under.
151
00:05:36,053 --> 00:05:36,877
No, no, no, no.
152
00:05:36,953 --> 00:05:38,328
You got to make a bunny
ear with this lace.
153
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:39,562
Wanda, we got to go.
154
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,747
Then you make a
bunny ear with this.
155
00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:42,207
This will just
take a second.
156
00:05:42,283 --> 00:05:44,876
And then you take
another bunny ear,
157
00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:46,294
and then you put that...
158
00:05:46,371 --> 00:05:47,170
Then you turn it around,
and you flip it in there
159
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,129
-and you
squeeze it.
-Ow!
160
00:05:48,206 --> 00:05:49,547
All right, let's go.
161
00:05:49,624 --> 00:05:50,891
To the car.
We got to go.
162
00:05:50,967 --> 00:05:53,176
You really could use
a lesson in patience.
163
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,478
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some other time.
164
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,554
Right now, we got
a story to tell.
165
00:05:56,631 --> 00:05:58,348
Why don't you tell
the American people
166
00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,891
what happened when
you tried to put
the kids to bed?
167
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:00,876
Tell 'em that, baby.
168
00:06:00,952 --> 00:06:02,235
-What?
-What... ?
169
00:06:02,312 --> 00:06:05,063
They were perfect
little angels.
170
00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:06,773
You got to hold it
under the water.
171
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:09,234
That's why...
Get in the...
172
00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:10,485
No, I want bubbles.
173
00:06:10,562 --> 00:06:12,695
Bubbles give you a rash.
Get in.
174
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,373
It's only
that one time.
175
00:06:14,449 --> 00:06:15,865
Hey, didn't I
tell you to get
off that phone?
176
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:16,991
Ow! I am getting off.
177
00:06:17,068 --> 00:06:17,992
Now!
178
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:18,993
I am!
179
00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:19,994
Nobody.
180
00:06:20,071 --> 00:06:21,871
Bryana, please.
181
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,873
Get in that tub now!
182
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,084
Oh, boy...
183
00:06:26,161 --> 00:06:27,511
No. I got time.
184
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:28,795
-That was too much.
-Mm.
185
00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,221
-Okay?
-Mm.
186
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,106
They are not perfect
little angels.
187
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,382
-Oh, yeah.
-They are monsters.
188
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,075
I've been
telling you.
189
00:06:34,152 --> 00:06:34,951
Y'all be trying
to make me like
I'm the bad guy.
190
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,035
Ooh, baby, I'm sorry.
191
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,679
Bet you want to
bust their heads..
192
00:06:37,755 --> 00:06:39,889
What? I wanted to kill them.
193
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,641
Really, hon?
Excuse me.
194
00:06:41,718 --> 00:06:43,026
America sees
them every day.
195
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,185
They understand.
They know.
196
00:06:44,262 --> 00:06:45,186
(chuckles)
197
00:06:45,263 --> 00:06:48,481
But I did have
one small victory.
198
00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:49,916
That was
a victory?
199
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,068
You know that was
a victory. Hush.
200
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,769
Watch.
201
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,406
-You will take
a bath and like it.
-I won't take a bath.
202
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:58,658
-No, it's cold.
-Well, that's too bad.
203
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,452
-No. I don't like
this tub.
-Sit in this tub.
204
00:07:00,528 --> 00:07:01,744
-Oh, ow!
-And stay there.
205
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,922
(groaning)
Oh.
206
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,208
Bryana, I put you
to bed an hour ago.
207
00:07:07,285 --> 00:07:09,169
What are you doing up?
208
00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:10,795
Look, Aunt Wanda.
209
00:07:10,872 --> 00:07:12,973
I tied my shoes.
210
00:07:13,049 --> 00:07:14,591
-What?
-I tied my shoes
211
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,853
all by myself,
just like you taught me.
212
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,070
Baby girl.
213
00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:36,654
Bernie,
214
00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:38,865
you won't believe
what Bryana just did.
215
00:07:38,942 --> 00:07:41,618
Use bleach, baby.
Lots and lots of bleach.
216
00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:44,120
No. She tied her shoes.
217
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,163
What?
218
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,748
She tied her shoes
all by herself,
219
00:07:46,824 --> 00:07:48,374
just like I taught her.
220
00:07:48,451 --> 00:07:49,501
It was incredible!
221
00:07:49,577 --> 00:07:50,752
That's great.
222
00:07:50,828 --> 00:07:52,337
That means less work
for me now.
223
00:07:52,413 --> 00:07:54,022
I taught her something
224
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:57,342
that she would take with her
for the rest of her life.
225
00:07:57,418 --> 00:07:59,636
It's an unbelievable feeling.
226
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:01,471
I-I can't describe it.
227
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:02,764
Actually, baby,
228
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,807
sometime it's hard
to find the right words,
229
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:07,060
but maybe when you come back
from getting me a beer,
230
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,522
your thoughts
will done crystallized,
but you did good.
231
00:08:10,598 --> 00:08:12,908
Honey, you did good.
232
00:08:20,817 --> 00:08:22,408
Hey, Patricia.
233
00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:23,551
Hey, Wanda.
234
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,620
What are you doing out
during the day?
235
00:08:25,697 --> 00:08:26,454
I'm spending the
week with the kids.
236
00:08:26,531 --> 00:08:27,606
Oh.
237
00:08:27,682 --> 00:08:29,415
Oh, and I'm so glad
that I did it.
238
00:08:29,492 --> 00:08:32,502
I had the most
incredible experience.
239
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,963
I taught Bryana
to tie her shoes!
240
00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:36,005
Uh-huh.
241
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:38,424
-That's it.
-Oh.
242
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:39,892
(both chuckle)
243
00:08:39,970 --> 00:08:43,513
I know it sounds silly,
but it was so exciting.
244
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,390
I think for the first time,
245
00:08:45,466 --> 00:08:47,642
I know what it feels
like to be a mom.
246
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,562
Well, I'm very happy
for you, Wanda.
247
00:08:50,638 --> 00:08:52,981
Thank you.
248
00:08:53,057 --> 00:08:54,983
Oh.
249
00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:56,209
What's wrong?
250
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,078
Oh, nothing.
She's just kicking.
251
00:08:59,689 --> 00:09:02,740
Ooh, here, feel.
252
00:09:02,817 --> 00:09:04,367
Oh, my God!
253
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,760
That's amazing.
254
00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:07,495
Yeah, it's something else, huh?
255
00:09:07,572 --> 00:09:08,621
Yeah.
256
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:09,914
Ooh, she
kicked again.
257
00:09:09,991 --> 00:09:11,958
Yeah. Yes, she does it
all day.
258
00:09:12,035 --> 00:09:13,001
All day?
259
00:09:13,077 --> 00:09:14,043
Mm-hmm.
260
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,753
Wow!
261
00:09:15,830 --> 00:09:18,339
What does that
feel like?
262
00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:21,268
I... I can't explain it.
263
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:31,185
(introduction to
"Baby Love" plays)
264
00:09:31,262 --> 00:09:34,147
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
265
00:09:34,223 --> 00:09:37,609
♪ Baby love,
my baby love ♪
266
00:09:37,685 --> 00:09:42,030
♪ I need ya,oh, how I need ya ♪
267
00:09:42,106 --> 00:09:44,657
♪ But all you dois treat me bad... ♪
268
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:45,783
Aunt Wanda?
269
00:09:45,860 --> 00:09:47,660
Ooh. Yes, baby.
270
00:09:47,737 --> 00:09:50,496
Are you pretending?
271
00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:52,415
Yes, baby.
272
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,292
Okay.
273
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:58,263
♪ 'Cause, baby love,my baby love ♪
274
00:09:58,340 --> 00:10:02,842
♪ Been missin' ya,miss kissin' ya ♪
275
00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:05,970
♪ Instead of breakin' up ♪
276
00:10:06,047 --> 00:10:07,680
♪ Let's do some kissin'and makin' up ♪
277
00:10:07,757 --> 00:10:09,482
-(baby cries)
-Ah, doggone kids.
278
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,486
Boy, shook my doggone
beer up like that.
279
00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,238
That don't make
no doggone sense.
280
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,593
Bernie,
281
00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:22,245
you think
I should trade in my car?
282
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,571
You just got
the car.
283
00:10:23,648 --> 00:10:25,073
So you think it's safe?
284
00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:26,741
I don't think anything, baby.
285
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,576
How can you say it's safe?
286
00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:30,420
Wanda, I didn't say
it was safe.
287
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:33,331
I think we should be
more concerned about safety.
288
00:10:33,408 --> 00:10:35,708
There's kids in the house.
289
00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:37,135
Okay, Wanda.
290
00:10:37,212 --> 00:10:39,337
Think about safety.
I'm sorry.
291
00:10:39,414 --> 00:10:41,422
I don't know why
I'm saying I'm sorry,
but I'm sorry.
292
00:10:41,499 --> 00:10:43,266
I said it, okay?
293
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,433
Bernie?
294
00:10:52,510 --> 00:10:54,268
Bernie, I was
just thinking.
295
00:10:54,345 --> 00:10:55,828
What now?
296
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,147
Remember when we talked
about adding another room?
297
00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,908
What are you talking about?
Six years ago?
298
00:10:59,984 --> 00:11:01,818
Bernie, I'm not looking
for a fight.
299
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:03,569
Well, what the hell's
going on, baby?
300
00:11:03,646 --> 00:11:04,779
Don't get upset.
301
00:11:04,856 --> 00:11:06,247
I just asked you a question.
302
00:11:06,324 --> 00:11:07,532
I'm not getting upset,
but one minute,
303
00:11:07,608 --> 00:11:09,575
you come at me talking about,
"Is the car safe?"
304
00:11:09,652 --> 00:11:10,702
Next, we talking
about another room.
305
00:11:10,778 --> 00:11:12,578
What is you...
what-what...
306
00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:13,746
What you really
want to know?
307
00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:14,914
Don't put this on me,
Bernie.
308
00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:16,332
I'm just saying,
you know,
309
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,834
if we bring another person
in the house.
310
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:19,627
Say what, who, where, baby?
311
00:11:19,704 --> 00:11:21,103
What are you talking about?
312
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,922
You're going to be like that,
let's just drop it.
313
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:23,932
I'm not acting...
314
00:11:24,008 --> 00:11:25,433
What are you... ?
315
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:26,759
Wanda, what
am I dropping?
316
00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:29,137
Huh? Baby!
317
00:11:29,213 --> 00:11:30,212
Wanda.
318
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,489
CHUY:
She's nesting, man.
319
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,066
You're going
to have baby Bernies
before you know it.
320
00:11:33,143 --> 00:11:34,242
Yo, yo.
She's ready
321
00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:35,768
to have some
mini Macs, man.
322
00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:36,953
-Mm-hmm.
-Uh-huh.
323
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,730
No, no, no, no.
Y'all wrong about that.
324
00:11:38,806 --> 00:11:40,273
Y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all
truly wrong.
325
00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:42,400
Wanda and I already
talked about it,
326
00:11:42,477 --> 00:11:44,777
and we ain't having no baby.
I put my foot down.
327
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:47,822
I put my foot down,
too. Four times.
328
00:11:47,899 --> 00:11:49,323
Kelly, how many kids
I got now?
329
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,324
Four.
330
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:51,617
(laughter)
331
00:11:51,694 --> 00:11:53,018
Hey, watch your
back, man.
332
00:11:53,096 --> 00:11:54,287
-Watch your back, man.
-Watch your back.
333
00:11:54,363 --> 00:11:55,455
Y'all ig'nant.
334
00:11:55,531 --> 00:11:58,240
Yeah, seriously ig'nant.
335
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:03,805
Guess who the big
winner tonight?
336
00:12:03,882 --> 00:12:05,181
Bernie Mac.
337
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,008
Baby, I'll trade
all my chips in
338
00:12:07,084 --> 00:12:09,227
to get a little
dip in your hip.
339
00:12:09,304 --> 00:12:11,471
(laughter)
340
00:12:11,547 --> 00:12:14,891
You're so silly, Bernie.
341
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,527
I wonder if our baby would be
as funny as his daddy.
342
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,190
Funny?
343
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:23,157
Baby?
344
00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:25,985
Yeah.
If we had a baby,
345
00:12:26,062 --> 00:12:29,489
I wonder if he would have
your sense of humor.
346
00:12:29,565 --> 00:12:31,073
Why you askin'?
347
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:33,159
You tryin' to
get pregnant?
348
00:12:33,236 --> 00:12:36,004
Wanda, you trying
to have a baby on me.
349
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,112
What are you talking about?
350
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,664
No, I know what
you talking about.
351
00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:40,958
Oh, boy.
352
00:12:41,035 --> 00:12:43,878
All of a sudden,
an extra room,
safe car.
353
00:12:43,955 --> 00:12:46,589
You ain't been taking
your pills, have you?
354
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,391
-What?
-What?
355
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,550
What are you saying?
356
00:12:49,627 --> 00:12:51,052
What you think
I'm saying?
357
00:12:51,128 --> 00:12:52,720
What, you don't trust me?
358
00:12:52,797 --> 00:12:55,398
What, you think
I'm trying to trap you?
359
00:12:56,976 --> 00:13:00,028
If you have that little faith
in my character,
360
00:13:00,104 --> 00:13:02,688
then it's best
that we don't have a baby.
361
00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:06,025
That's what I'm
talking about.
362
00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:07,944
Why can't we have a baby?
363
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:09,821
Wanda, why you vexing
on me like this?
364
00:13:09,897 --> 00:13:10,905
I'm not vexing on you.
365
00:13:10,982 --> 00:13:12,698
You are. Next minute
you fighting,
366
00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,158
and one minute,
you crying.
367
00:13:14,235 --> 00:13:15,426
Make up your
doggone mind.
368
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:16,769
You ain't answered
my question.
369
00:13:16,846 --> 00:13:18,871
-Oh, I answered
your question.
-What was it?
370
00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:19,789
We ain't having
no baby.
Case closed.
371
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,332
Case closed?
372
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:22,416
Case closed.
373
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:27,088
Case closed.
374
00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:28,973
(quietly)
Case closed.
375
00:13:33,796 --> 00:13:34,895
Come on, baby.
376
00:13:34,973 --> 00:13:36,063
We bigger than that.
377
00:13:36,141 --> 00:13:37,849
I know you ain't gonna
go sleep on no couch.
378
00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:41,277
Oh... I'm not.
379
00:13:51,272 --> 00:13:52,371
She's not sitting here
380
00:13:52,449 --> 00:13:53,865
because she's really
embarrassed.
381
00:13:53,941 --> 00:13:55,867
She didn't want to see
this part again.
382
00:13:55,943 --> 00:13:57,677
Let me tell you what happened.
383
00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,246
She was so upset that day
that she left the house,
384
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:02,582
and I had no idea
where she went.
385
00:14:02,658 --> 00:14:04,509
Where's Aunt Wanda?
386
00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:05,960
She's out, baby girl.
387
00:14:06,037 --> 00:14:08,805
She promised she would make
candles with us.
388
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:12,141
She said she was going to love
and obey me, so, you see?
389
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,262
I want to make candles!
390
00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:18,139
Well, we can't right
now, baby girl.
391
00:14:18,215 --> 00:14:21,267
-Why?
-Because Aunt Wanda's
not here.
392
00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:23,060
Is Aunt Wanda in the rehab?
393
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:25,229
CHICK HEARN (over TV):
Six seconds on the 24...
394
00:14:25,306 --> 00:14:27,490
Come on, come on, I'll make
some candles with you.
395
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:34,706
(classical music playing)
396
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,993
WOMAN:
Your hour's up,
ma'am.
397
00:14:39,070 --> 00:14:39,969
(sighs)
398
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:40,995
Are your fingers tired?
399
00:14:41,072 --> 00:14:42,263
No, ma'am.
400
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:43,831
Then give me another hour.
401
00:14:43,908 --> 00:14:46,083
Yes, ma'am.
402
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,219
BERNIE:
What color you
making, Nessa?
403
00:14:48,296 --> 00:14:52,256
I was going to mix
these two colors together.
404
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,842
Jordan, be careful.
You're getting
wax everywhere.
405
00:14:54,919 --> 00:14:56,135
You got to be careful.
406
00:14:56,212 --> 00:14:59,055
I'm making this candle
for Aunt Wanda.
407
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:00,848
It's her favorite color.
408
00:15:00,925 --> 00:15:02,350
Oh, that's nice, baby girl.
409
00:15:02,426 --> 00:15:05,320
I thought Aunt Wanda's
favorite color was blue.
410
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,148
Oh, I mean...
411
00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:10,683
That's nice.
412
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,860
Auntie Wanda going to love
that, baby girl. That's nice.
413
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:15,363
Hey, uh, where
is Aunt Wanda?
414
00:15:15,439 --> 00:15:17,365
Uh, she went
to get some air.
415
00:15:17,441 --> 00:15:20,835
(slurping)
416
00:15:20,912 --> 00:15:23,171
(sighs)
417
00:15:24,573 --> 00:15:27,041
This time, put some
sprinkles in it.
418
00:15:27,118 --> 00:15:30,428
Miss, we don't usually put
sprinkles in the shakes.
419
00:15:30,505 --> 00:15:32,630
I'm paying you.
420
00:15:32,707 --> 00:15:34,098
Hook it up.
421
00:15:38,379 --> 00:15:40,054
Please.
422
00:15:40,131 --> 00:15:41,138
Which one did
you make?
423
00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:42,598
I made all the cute ones.
424
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,083
You would.
425
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,811
JORDAN:
I made all the ones
with faces like this one.
426
00:15:46,887 --> 00:15:47,946
I think that one
was funny.
427
00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:49,146
Look at his, all,
like, sinister.
428
00:15:49,223 --> 00:15:50,356
(laughing)
429
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:51,691
BRYANA:
Hey, Uncle Bernie?
430
00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:52,674
BERNIE:
Huh?
431
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:53,442
Which one did
you make?
432
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:54,752
Mine is...
433
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,445
He made the one
in the back.
434
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,114
Right here?
435
00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,657
BERNIE:
I think so.
436
00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:00,774
(kids laughing)
437
00:16:00,852 --> 00:16:01,850
Yeah,
I'm telling you...
438
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:02,885
I don't know...
439
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:03,586
-(glass clinking)
-Oh!
440
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,454
Baby girl,
look at you.
441
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,164
Ooh, Nessa,
watch her.
442
00:16:07,241 --> 00:16:10,835
I got to get
some towels.
Watch her.
443
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:11,886
Oh...
444
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,215
No, don't touch it.
445
00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:19,310
Aunt Wanda,
you finally came home.
446
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,388
We thought you
were mad at us.
447
00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:23,931
Kids, I'm not mad at you.
448
00:16:24,008 --> 00:16:25,841
Why would you say that?
449
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,936
'Cause you said you would play
with us, but you went away.
450
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,938
Yeah, we haven't
seen you all day.
451
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,907
It's Bernie's
fault, isn't it?
452
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:38,121
No.
It's not his fault.
453
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,531
Well, partly.
454
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:45,161
But your Aunt Wanda has been
going through her own thing,
455
00:16:45,237 --> 00:16:47,338
and she's dealing with it.
456
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,209
What am I saying?
457
00:16:52,286 --> 00:16:55,671
Look, I wanted to be
the mom this week,
458
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:58,549
and I forgot about that,
459
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,926
and I'm sorry.
460
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:03,971
But I have one day left,
461
00:17:04,048 --> 00:17:06,265
and I want to be
the mom again.
462
00:17:06,342 --> 00:17:08,267
What do you say?
463
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,902
Let's go have some fun.
464
00:17:09,979 --> 00:17:11,353
ALL:
Yeah!
465
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:13,239
Yeah!
466
00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:15,608
("Proud Mary" plays)
467
00:17:15,684 --> 00:17:19,328
(lip synching)
♪ Left a good jobin the city ♪
468
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:24,617
♪ Workin' for the manevery night and day ♪
469
00:17:24,693 --> 00:17:29,205
♪ And I never lostone minute of sleepin' ♪
470
00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:34,376
♪ Worryin' about the waythat things might have been ♪
471
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:38,380
♪ Big wheel,keep on turnin' ♪
472
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:43,886
♪ Oh, the Proud Mary,keep on burnin' ♪
473
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,262
♪ And we're rollin' ♪
474
00:17:45,339 --> 00:17:46,639
♪ Rollin' ♪
475
00:17:46,715 --> 00:17:50,101
♪ Rollin' on the river ♪
476
00:17:50,177 --> 00:17:56,074
♪ Rollin' on the river ♪
477
00:17:56,150 --> 00:17:58,743
(tempo quickens)
478
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:09,578
♪ Oh, I left a good jobin the city ♪
479
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:12,081
♪ Workin' for The Manevery night and day ♪
480
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,967
♪ And I never lostone minute of sleepin' ♪
481
00:18:15,044 --> 00:18:17,595
♪ Worryin' about the waythings might have been ♪
482
00:18:17,672 --> 00:18:19,347
♪ Big wheel, keep on turnin'♪
483
00:18:19,423 --> 00:18:20,881
♪ Turnin' ♪
484
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:22,383
♪ Proud Mary,keep on burnin' ♪
485
00:18:22,459 --> 00:18:23,384
♪ Burnin'♪
486
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:24,685
♪ Rollin' ♪
487
00:18:24,762 --> 00:18:28,981
♪ Yeah, rollin',rollin' on the river ♪
488
00:18:29,058 --> 00:18:31,433
♪ Rollin', said rollin' ♪
489
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:34,103
♪ Rollin' on the river ♪
490
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,980
♪ Doo ba doo doo doo ♪
491
00:18:36,056 --> 00:18:37,740
(music stops)
492
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,984
Yeah!
493
00:18:40,060 --> 00:18:41,744
Okay, kids,
time for bed.
494
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,654
ALL:
Already!?
495
00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:44,746
Yes, already.
496
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,240
Go brush your
teeth. Go on.
497
00:18:46,317 --> 00:18:48,459
I'll be in to tuck
you in in a minute.
498
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:52,163
(humming rhythm)
499
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,165
(laughs)
500
00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:56,917
So, you're not mad
at me anymore, huh?
501
00:18:56,994 --> 00:18:59,628
We should talk.
502
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:00,763
Yeah.
503
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,424
Look, here's the thing.
504
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,426
I may not have communicated
505
00:19:05,502 --> 00:19:08,396
with you clearly
about what I want.
506
00:19:08,472 --> 00:19:12,433
But you can't shut the door
on me when I talk to you,
507
00:19:12,509 --> 00:19:15,853
even if we've decided
on something earlier.
508
00:19:15,930 --> 00:19:18,189
Things change.
509
00:19:18,265 --> 00:19:21,033
I've changed.
510
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:25,329
And I have a right
to do that, don't I?
511
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,285
Yes.
512
00:19:31,362 --> 00:19:35,623
And you have to respect
that, right?
513
00:19:35,699 --> 00:19:37,374
Right.
514
00:19:37,451 --> 00:19:38,384
Come here, baby.
515
00:19:38,461 --> 00:19:40,502
Hold on, hold on.
516
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:41,888
I'd appreciate it
if you wouldn't use
517
00:19:41,964 --> 00:19:44,298
the word "baby" for a while.
518
00:19:44,375 --> 00:19:46,217
Come here.
519
00:19:46,293 --> 00:19:47,167
I love you.
520
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:48,895
I love you, too.
521
00:19:50,881 --> 00:19:52,932
So, it all worked out
in the end.
522
00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:55,601
It was a rough patch,
but I said my piece,
523
00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:59,021
and now my husband
understands my feelings.
524
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,778
Look, baby, I'm going to
be straight with you.
525
00:20:05,854 --> 00:20:09,990
Okay?
You're my wife,
I love you.
526
00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:12,159
And I respect you.
527
00:20:12,236 --> 00:20:15,171
And if you want
to have a baby,
528
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:17,173
I'm going to say...
529
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:20,000
let's just keep
it on the table.
530
00:20:20,077 --> 00:20:23,003
Now, that don't mean yes,
it don't mean no, Wanda.
531
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,506
All it means is,
532
00:20:25,582 --> 00:20:28,133
let's keep it
on the table.
533
00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:30,636
Really?
534
00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:32,104
Really.
535
00:20:33,424 --> 00:20:36,225
Thank you.
536
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:37,393
Now, listen.
537
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:38,911
Give me a
little privacy.
538
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:41,113
I want to talk to
America by myself
on this one.
539
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:42,147
Okay.
540
00:20:42,224 --> 00:20:43,691
Okay?
541
00:20:43,767 --> 00:20:45,401
-Love you.
-I love you, too, baby.
542
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:48,871
Said it first.
(giggles)
543
00:20:55,529 --> 00:20:57,496
I thought she'd never leave.
544
00:20:57,573 --> 00:20:59,415
Now I can say
what I really feel.
545
00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:01,208
She must be crazier than a...
546
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:03,627
Bernie Mac ain't having
no doggone baby, you got it?
547
00:21:03,704 --> 00:21:05,062
And y'all better not tell her.
548
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:06,588
It's going to be
our little secret, America.
549
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:08,507
Case closed.
Well, at least for now.
550
00:21:08,584 --> 00:21:11,218
"'Cause people change."
I ain't never changing.
551
00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,970
I ain't changing my mind
for nothing.
552
00:21:13,047 --> 00:21:14,972
Bernie, a 44-year-old,
running around
553
00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:16,098
chasing some doggone baby.
554
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,392
Googoo gago my a--
Excuse me.
555
00:21:18,469 --> 00:21:19,935
Look, y'all know I ain't crazy.
556
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:21,570
Y'all know,
and you feel the same way.
557
00:21:21,647 --> 00:21:23,230
What do I look like
sitting up here?
558
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,732
"Get up.
Your time to change him,"
559
00:21:24,808 --> 00:21:26,192
in the middle
of the doggone night.
560
00:21:26,268 --> 00:21:28,444
Man, I'll be... 50,
he'll be five.
561
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,903
Sitting there on a swing.
562
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:32,031
Pushing somebody, man,
grab my chest.
563
00:21:32,107 --> 00:21:33,115
You crazy as heck.
564
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:35,117
Hmm!
You'd have a baby...
565
00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:37,110
(muttering to self)
566
00:21:40,908 --> 00:21:44,084
BERNIE:
Oh, maybe she'll bring
a pizza or something.
567
00:21:44,161 --> 00:21:46,128
Mmm, pizza.
568
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:47,546
Uh...
569
00:21:47,623 --> 00:21:49,548
I think she was going
to bring crab legs.
570
00:21:49,625 --> 00:21:50,799
You like crab legs?
571
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,159
Yes.
572
00:21:52,236 --> 00:21:54,261
Yeah? What you
like about them?
573
00:21:54,338 --> 00:21:56,430
Crab legs and... hmm...
574
00:21:56,507 --> 00:21:59,266
shrimp and lobster.
575
00:21:59,343 --> 00:22:01,285
Oh, that's
your favorite?
576
00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:04,271
Boy, ain't nobody
going to take you out
when you get big.
577
00:22:04,348 --> 00:22:06,690
(cast and crew laughing)
578
00:22:06,767 --> 00:22:08,909
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