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1
00:00:22,047 --> 00:00:24,056
Man, I'm tired.
2
00:00:24,132 --> 00:00:26,016
I'm too tired to talk.
3
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:28,351
I'm too tired to eat.
4
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,896
I'm too tired...
5
00:00:30,972 --> 00:00:32,856
I ain't never that tired.
6
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:33,899
(chuckles)
7
00:00:33,975 --> 00:00:37,027
I'm even too tired to laugh.
8
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,153
Let me tell you something:
9
00:00:38,230 --> 00:00:39,804
Boarding school.
10
00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,698
Send your kids
to boarding school.
11
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,366
America,
you know those schools
12
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,243
that were invented
for rich folks
13
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,120
who didn't have time
for their kids?
14
00:00:47,197 --> 00:00:49,372
Man, let me tell you,
I used to judge them.
15
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:51,425
I used to think real low
of them people.
16
00:00:51,502 --> 00:00:52,676
Not anymore.
17
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,212
See, now I understand.
18
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:58,048
If you can afford it
and you got the opportunity,
19
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,092
send your kids
to boarding school.
20
00:01:00,168 --> 00:01:04,229
Shoot, me, I can afford it.
21
00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,526
I just ain't got
the opportunity.
22
00:01:11,179 --> 00:01:13,980
Doing real good,
touring all over the place.
23
00:01:14,057 --> 00:01:15,357
Got plenty of money.
24
00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:18,110
(sighs)
25
00:01:18,186 --> 00:01:21,530
(beeping)
26
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,074
Bernie, wake up.
It's time for school.
27
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:25,867
I don't feel like getting up
right now, baby.
28
00:01:25,944 --> 00:01:28,870
I made the kids' lunches
and I fixed a pot of oatmeal.
29
00:01:28,947 --> 00:01:30,714
Makes sure
that Jordan eats.
30
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,307
His blood sugar is low.
31
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,051
I picked out a cute outfit
for Bryana.
32
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,419
I wish I could see her.
33
00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:39,098
Come on, Bernie.
Don't make them late
for their first day.
34
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,134
Baby, I got a full half an hour.
35
00:01:42,210 --> 00:01:45,095
Ain't nobody going to be late.
36
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:47,097
You wanted to be a daddy?
37
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:49,057
Get to daddying.
38
00:01:49,134 --> 00:01:51,110
(beeping)
39
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,897
What's up? Busting loose.
Time to do it.
40
00:01:55,974 --> 00:01:57,199
Come on, now.
41
00:01:57,276 --> 00:01:58,692
All right, let's go. Let's go.
Let's get up.
42
00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:01,820
Jordan, let's get up.
Where baby girl at?
43
00:02:01,897 --> 00:02:03,080
Come on, Vanessa.
44
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,731
(mumbles)
45
00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:08,076
I'll bet if I stop feeding you,
you have something to say.
46
00:02:08,153 --> 00:02:09,703
Come on, now,
Jordan, get up!
47
00:02:09,779 --> 00:02:10,829
I don't feel good.
48
00:02:10,906 --> 00:02:12,122
Jordan, don't even try that.
49
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,498
And where the hell
is baby girl at?!
50
00:02:13,575 --> 00:02:14,758
Right here.
51
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:15,884
Hey. Now,
52
00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,210
where were you, baby girl?
53
00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:19,546
I was having a BM.
54
00:02:19,623 --> 00:02:20,747
A BM?
55
00:02:20,824 --> 00:02:23,800
Oh, you mean you were doing
number two.
56
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,854
No. I was having a BM.
57
00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:30,515
Number two
is how babies say it.
58
00:02:30,592 --> 00:02:32,976
Okay, I'm sorry. You're right.
59
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,645
You're not a baby.
You're a big girl!
60
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,564
No, I'm not a big girl.
61
00:02:37,641 --> 00:02:39,533
I'm a princess.
62
00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:43,653
Okay, I understand. I get it.
63
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,489
Yeah, okay, Princess.
Let's get dressed.
64
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,208
Okay.
65
00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:55,332
Yesterday she wanted
to be a goldfish.
66
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:57,459
That's okay. She'll learn.
67
00:02:57,535 --> 00:02:59,711
But I got her into Wellington,
68
00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:02,756
the number-one preschool
in the Southland.
69
00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:04,549
Man, look at this brochure.
70
00:03:04,626 --> 00:03:07,344
Fancy. Look at
the kids on here.
71
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:09,054
They even look smart.
72
00:03:09,130 --> 00:03:10,814
Just brimming with knowledge.
73
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,808
Baby girl going to be on this.
You watch and see.
74
00:03:13,885 --> 00:03:16,394
I just can't wait
until baby girl experience
75
00:03:16,471 --> 00:03:18,230
some of this quality teaching.
76
00:03:18,306 --> 00:03:19,589
We don't teach.
77
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:23,735
We've replaced the word "teach"
with "reach."
78
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:25,362
We reach the children
79
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,989
by focusing
on what they want to do.
80
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,116
WANDA:
Oh, I heard
about this.
81
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:32,911
-It's child-centric.
-Exactly.
82
00:03:32,988 --> 00:03:34,404
Sound like to me, ma'am,
83
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,623
that you're letting the kids
run the school.
84
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:37,999
Yes.
85
00:03:38,076 --> 00:03:39,860
What type of program is that?
86
00:03:39,936 --> 00:03:42,003
So you mean to tell me
if a person wants to sit
in their urine,
87
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,613
that's what
they're going to learn?
88
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,382
"Hey, class, Jimmy wants
to sit in his urine
89
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,801
so we're going to learn
urine-sitting."
90
00:03:47,877 --> 00:03:49,210
That's crazy.
91
00:03:49,288 --> 00:03:53,056
I'm sorry, y'all,
I just don't understand.
92
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,058
I'm sorry.
I just don't understand.
93
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,626
I mean, what's next?
94
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:59,062
You going to start allowing
the boys to wear dresses?
95
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:02,440
(chuckling)
Oh, see, we do our best
96
00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:06,069
not to stereotype the children
into traditional roles.
97
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,487
We here at Wellington
98
00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:10,115
have always had
a gender-neutral policy.
99
00:04:10,191 --> 00:04:11,550
Gender neutral?
100
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:12,976
So girls don't have
to grow up thinking
101
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,746
that they only have
to be housewives
or subservient to men.
102
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,624
I think that's great.
103
00:04:19,701 --> 00:04:21,876
You won't find any
Wellington girls hanging around
104
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,170
waiting for their knight
in shining armor.
105
00:04:24,247 --> 00:04:25,889
(laughing)
106
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,257
Yes, honey?
107
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,268
I'm a princess.
108
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:33,897
I know you're a princess,
109
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,433
but at school, you got to
dress like a little girl.
110
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:41,062
But I'm not a little girl.
I'm a princess!
111
00:04:41,139 --> 00:04:43,773
Bryana, listen, Uncle Bernie
ain't got a lot of time.
112
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,359
Now, on Halloween, you can wear
anything you want to wear,
113
00:04:46,436 --> 00:04:48,912
but for the first day
of school,
114
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,471
you got to change.
115
00:04:50,549 --> 00:04:52,791
Now, will you do that
for Uncle Bernie?
116
00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:54,242
-Okay.
-Good.
117
00:04:54,319 --> 00:04:56,202
-Uncle Bernie?
-Yes, sweetheart?
118
00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:57,996
Will you do my hair?
119
00:04:58,073 --> 00:04:59,423
Oh, baby, Uncle Bernie
120
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,082
don't know how
to do your hair.
121
00:05:01,159 --> 00:05:02,792
Hold on.
122
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,128
Vanessa, come out here
and do baby girl's hair!
123
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,422
VANESSA:
She asked you. I heard it.
124
00:05:07,499 --> 00:05:10,091
(quietly)
Do it yourself.
I ain't your damn slave.
125
00:05:10,168 --> 00:05:16,014
Please, Uncle Bernie? For me?
126
00:05:16,091 --> 00:05:17,307
All right, baby girl.
Come on.
127
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,434
I'll do the best I can.
128
00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:22,103
Go ahead on.
Go on in there.
129
00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:23,780
Little girl good.
130
00:05:24,766 --> 00:05:28,952
Okay. Mm-hmm.
131
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,653
How you want
your hair, baby?
132
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,863
Pretty.
133
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,281
(mimicking)
Pretty.
134
00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:35,533
Okay.
135
00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:37,660
Okay,
let me see.
Where am I?
136
00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:39,212
Should I do
the back first?
137
00:05:39,289 --> 00:05:41,456
I'm going to do
the front and
then work back.
138
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:42,874
Do I comb it front?
139
00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:46,795
All right,
let's try that.
140
00:05:46,871 --> 00:05:50,131
Let me see.
141
00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:50,974
(grunts)
142
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:51,883
Uncle Bernie?
143
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,343
I'm sorry, baby.
144
00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:55,303
("I Wish" by Stevie
Wonder plays)
145
00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:58,523
♪♪
146
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,354
♪ Looking back on when I ♪
147
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:07,366
♪ Was a little nappyheaded boy ♪
148
00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:13,696
♪ When my only worry ♪
149
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,875
♪ Was for Christmas whatwould be my toy ♪
150
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:22,756
♪ Even though we sometimes ♪
151
00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:24,958
♪ Would not get a thing ♪
152
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:29,546
♪ We were happy with thejoy the day would bring ♪
153
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,714
♪ Sneaking out theback door ♪
154
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:34,935
♪ To hang out with thosehoodlum friends of mine ♪
155
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,095
(glass breaking)
156
00:06:37,172 --> 00:06:39,222
Uh-oh.
157
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,524
You did it.
158
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,730
Oh, baby girl,
you know what?
159
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:51,234
I'm going to fix you up
real nice tomorrow.
160
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,861
We ain't got
a lot of time now.
161
00:06:52,937 --> 00:06:54,070
We got to go, okay?
162
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,448
-Okay.
-Good.
163
00:06:56,524 --> 00:06:57,866
Uncle Bernie?
164
00:06:57,942 --> 00:06:59,075
Yes, baby?
165
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,254
I don't look like
a princess.
166
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:04,914
You do to me.
167
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,417
Always. Hear?
168
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:10,587
Oh, come here.
169
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:14,382
I know it looks raggedy,
but she's so cute.
170
00:07:14,459 --> 00:07:16,184
She'll be able
to pull it off.
171
00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:18,386
Plus, she's only
five years old.
172
00:07:18,463 --> 00:07:20,763
Who she got to impress?
173
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,726
I got one down and two to go.
174
00:07:24,802 --> 00:07:28,188
JORDAN:
Uncle Bernie, I can't go
to school today!
175
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,482
I don't feel good!
176
00:07:30,558 --> 00:07:33,943
I'm not playing, Jordan!
177
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,537
I'm not.
178
00:07:42,237 --> 00:07:42,994
VANESSA:
Go away.
179
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,013
It's me.
180
00:07:48,576 --> 00:07:50,260
I don't think I'm gonna go
to school today.
181
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,711
Why? You sick?
182
00:07:51,788 --> 00:07:53,505
Nah, I just don't think
I'm going.
183
00:07:53,581 --> 00:07:56,299
Why? So you can stay
home with Bernie Mac?
184
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,717
I'm going to school.
185
00:07:57,794 --> 00:08:00,678
Yeah, I think I'll start
with some wheezing.
186
00:08:00,755 --> 00:08:03,056
Then, I'll make myself throw up.
187
00:08:03,132 --> 00:08:06,434
Then, I'll just stay in bed
and watch TV all day.
188
00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:07,852
(coughing)
189
00:08:07,929 --> 00:08:09,604
Maybe I'll eat
some of those cookies
190
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,356
Uncle Bernie hid from us.
191
00:08:11,432 --> 00:08:13,024
BERNIE:
Let's go! Let's go!
192
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,859
Come on, now!
Let's go!
193
00:08:14,936 --> 00:08:16,703
Well, good luck.
Here comes Bigfoot.
194
00:08:25,196 --> 00:08:27,038
Jordan.
195
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:29,040
Get out that doggone bed, man.
We got to go.
196
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,708
I'm sick today.
197
00:08:30,785 --> 00:08:31,960
I'm sick every day,
Jordan.
198
00:08:32,036 --> 00:08:33,545
Come on, get up.
We got to go, man.
199
00:08:33,621 --> 00:08:35,447
Maybe we should both stay home
and get better.
200
00:08:35,523 --> 00:08:37,840
-Maybe we should both go
to the movies, Jordan, huh?
-Really?
201
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:41,052
Get out that doggone bed
and get up in there, boy!
202
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:43,104
-Get up!
-(whimpers)
203
00:08:43,181 --> 00:08:45,598
That boy ain't sick.
That boy's stupid.
204
00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:48,017
He act like I ain't never tried
that trick.
205
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,144
If the boy was good,
he'd have the chicken pox.
206
00:08:50,221 --> 00:08:53,690
Try to use emotion against me.
Ha! Ain't gonna work.
207
00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:55,942
It's all about
discipline, baby.
208
00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:59,112
Ha! And America, you can do it,
too, baby.
209
00:08:59,122 --> 00:08:59,996
Yes, sir.
210
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,865
They gonna cry, they gonna
whine, they gonna beg,
211
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:05,285
try to make you feel guilty.
Don't go for it.
212
00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:06,995
You got to be strong.
213
00:09:07,071 --> 00:09:09,747
That's why that boy going
to Catholic school.
214
00:09:09,824 --> 00:09:12,917
I'm talking about discipline.
Mmm.
215
00:09:12,994 --> 00:09:14,636
(bell rings)
216
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:18,222
(with Irish accent)
You wouldn't believe
217
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,466
some of the malarkey
going around.
218
00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:25,146
Some of the schools are peddling
this child-centric hooey.
219
00:09:25,223 --> 00:09:29,025
If you believe that I got a pot
of gold at the end of the
rainbow for you.
220
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:32,145
What do you do to
encourage a child's
self-expression?
221
00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:34,397
Doing as you're told is
the only expression of the self
222
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:35,832
we're interested in.
223
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,326
Amen.
That's what I'm talking about.
224
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,912
We'll have none of that shouting
in here, if you please.
225
00:09:40,989 --> 00:09:42,280
I'm sorry.
226
00:09:42,357 --> 00:09:45,617
So, you guys... "teach"?
227
00:09:45,693 --> 00:09:46,768
Of course we teach.
228
00:09:46,845 --> 00:09:48,261
What the hell kind of question
is that?
229
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:52,048
I'm sorry, Your Discipline-ship.
I am so sorry. Continue.
230
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:55,752
Father Damien...
dedicated his life
231
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:59,547
to the lepers
on the island of Molokai.
232
00:09:59,624 --> 00:10:01,149
No one could
understand
233
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:04,719
why he would devote himself
to such horrible... wretched...
234
00:10:04,796 --> 00:10:07,105
filthy, withered creatures...
235
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:11,434
and I'd like to think
that here at Damien,
236
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,603
we follow his example.
237
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:14,979
Now, don't get me wrong.
238
00:10:15,056 --> 00:10:17,815
I'd never compare children
to lepers.
239
00:10:17,892 --> 00:10:19,701
Oh, no, I'd never do that.
240
00:10:20,561 --> 00:10:22,704
The lepers were grateful.
241
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,958
This guy kind
of scares me.
242
00:10:27,035 --> 00:10:28,159
I know.
243
00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:30,912
Isn't he great?
244
00:10:30,988 --> 00:10:33,081
Jordan!
Get up, boy!
245
00:10:33,157 --> 00:10:34,582
I'm gonna count to three.
Get up!
246
00:10:34,659 --> 00:10:36,417
I don't feel good.
247
00:10:36,494 --> 00:10:38,086
Feel better. One...
248
00:10:38,162 --> 00:10:40,004
(coughing)
But I'm wheezing.
249
00:10:40,081 --> 00:10:42,599
Wheeze your butt
to the bathroom, boy. Two...
250
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,967
I'm gonna throw up!
251
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,469
I'm about to throw down.
Three!
252
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,438
Get your butt on out
this doggone bed!
253
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:49,514
Get ready for school.
254
00:10:49,590 --> 00:10:50,473
Why you running, Jordan?
255
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,059
What you scared of, huh?
256
00:10:53,136 --> 00:10:55,561
Jordan... you don't have to
be afraid of Father Cronin.
257
00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:56,854
Just do your work.
258
00:10:56,931 --> 00:11:00,274
No, I'm afraid of him.
259
00:11:00,351 --> 00:11:01,284
Who?
260
00:11:04,188 --> 00:11:05,488
Jesus?
261
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,407
You don't got to
be afraid of Jesus.
262
00:11:07,483 --> 00:11:08,908
He is a little scary.
263
00:11:08,985 --> 00:11:10,702
Wanda, watch what you're saying
around the boy.
264
00:11:10,778 --> 00:11:11,736
Jesus ain't scary.
265
00:11:11,813 --> 00:11:12,879
You know what I mean.
266
00:11:12,956 --> 00:11:15,248
Catholics like to show you
every detail.
267
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:18,459
Sometimes, they just keep it
a little too real for me.
268
00:11:18,536 --> 00:11:20,220
No offense, Jesus.
269
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,298
I want him
to get a good education,
270
00:11:24,375 --> 00:11:28,010
and God is important,
but... I'm not sure
271
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:30,263
we should be shoving religion
down his throat.
272
00:11:30,339 --> 00:11:32,598
Wanda, can I get some support
around here, please?
273
00:11:32,675 --> 00:11:34,225
I'm not shoving anything
down his throat.
274
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:36,602
Jordan, if I have to come
over there and shove it
275
00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:38,813
down your throat,
brother, I will.
276
00:11:38,890 --> 00:11:40,031
-Now, eat.
-(whimpering)
277
00:11:40,108 --> 00:11:41,958
(crying)
I don't want oatmeal!
278
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,902
I don't want you
fainting in school, man,
because you didn't eat.
279
00:11:44,979 --> 00:11:47,739
-Now, you know you're
soft. Eat Jordan.
-(wailing)
280
00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:49,741
-Uncle Bernie?
-Yes?
281
00:11:49,817 --> 00:11:51,367
I think Jordan's
gonna throw up.
282
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,870
Jordan, you better
not be trying to make
yourself throw up.
283
00:11:53,946 --> 00:11:56,289
I'm not kidding, now.
You can do it.
Swallow.
284
00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:59,175
You're halfway there, Jordan.
Look at you. Swallow.
285
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,878
You're doing it!
Swallow. Swallow.
286
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,463
Swallow. Swallow.
287
00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:04,531
Swallow. Swallow.
288
00:12:04,607 --> 00:12:06,924
Son... you did it!
289
00:12:07,001 --> 00:12:10,136
Now, that wasn't so
hard, was it, Jordan?
290
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:12,722
Here, wash it down
with some juice.
291
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:13,606
There you go, son.
292
00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:16,934
I'm proud of you.
Strong.
293
00:12:17,011 --> 00:12:19,437
You don't know
you got it.
It's in you.
294
00:12:19,514 --> 00:12:20,913
I'm bringing it
out of you, son.
295
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,565
You can do anything
you want to do.
296
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,984
You know why?
'Cause you're a Mac.
297
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:27,945
Ha. Don't let nobody tell you
different--you're a Mac, boy.
298
00:12:28,022 --> 00:12:29,614
(chuckling)
Am I right, baby?
299
00:12:29,690 --> 00:12:30,698
Ha.
300
00:12:30,775 --> 00:12:31,791
What?
301
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,411
(vomiting)
302
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,956
(gagging)
303
00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:40,958
-Uncle Bernie?
-Mm-hmm?
304
00:12:41,035 --> 00:12:42,469
Jordan's throwing up.
305
00:12:45,915 --> 00:12:47,965
I ain't gonna make it.
306
00:12:48,042 --> 00:12:50,384
Y'all, I ain't gonna make it.
307
00:12:50,461 --> 00:12:53,930
Bernie Mac ain't never been late
a day in his life.
308
00:12:54,006 --> 00:13:00,195
This is my second...
second favorite silk shirt.
309
00:13:04,475 --> 00:13:06,409
I ain't gonna make it.
310
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,404
Didn't I tell youto put your clothes on, Jordan?
311
00:13:10,481 --> 00:13:11,372
Come here.
312
00:13:11,449 --> 00:13:13,333
( "I Gotcha" playing)
313
00:13:13,409 --> 00:13:14,501
♪ Uh huh, huh ♪
314
00:13:14,577 --> 00:13:15,960
♪ You thought I didn'tsee ya now ♪
315
00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:18,412
♪ Didn't ya, uh huh, huh ♪
316
00:13:18,489 --> 00:13:19,872
♪ You tried to sneakby me now ♪
317
00:13:19,949 --> 00:13:22,333
♪ Didn't ya, uh huh, huh ♪
318
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:23,793
♪ Now gimme whatyou promised me ♪
319
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:25,345
♪ Give it here come on ♪
320
00:13:26,798 --> 00:13:27,972
♪ Hey ♪
321
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:29,599
♪ Good God ♪
322
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:33,553
♪ Hey ♪
323
00:13:35,172 --> 00:13:36,305
♪ You made me a promise ♪
324
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,900
♪ And you're gonnastick to it ♪
325
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:41,669
♪ You shouldn'thave promised ♪
326
00:13:41,746 --> 00:13:43,571
♪ If you weren't gonna do it ♪
327
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:48,952
♪ You saw me and ranin another direction ♪
328
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:54,123
♪ I'll teach you to playwith my affection ♪
329
00:13:55,776 --> 00:13:57,952
♪ Now, give it here ♪
330
00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,044
♪ You never should'vepromised to me ♪
331
00:13:59,122 --> 00:13:59,829
♪ Give it here ♪
332
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,038
♪ Don't hold back ♪
333
00:14:01,115 --> 00:14:02,540
♪ Give it here ♪
334
00:14:02,617 --> 00:14:03,699
♪ Don't say nothin' ♪
335
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:04,175
♪ Just give it here ♪
336
00:14:04,252 --> 00:14:06,168
♪ Come on give it here ♪
337
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,670
♪ Give it here ♪
338
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:08,671
♪ Give it here ♪
339
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:09,672
♪ Give it here ♪
340
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:10,756
♪ Give it to me, now ♪
341
00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:11,632
♪ Good God ♪
342
00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:12,508
♪ Hey ♪
343
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,852
♪ I gotcha ♪
344
00:14:13,928 --> 00:14:15,353
♪ Shouldn't made apromise to me ♪
345
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:16,554
♪ I gotcha ♪
346
00:14:16,631 --> 00:14:17,680
♪ You never should've
promised to me ♪
347
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:18,973
♪ I gotcha ♪
348
00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,049
♪ Give it on, here ♪
349
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:21,476
♪ I gotcha ♪
350
00:14:21,552 --> 00:14:22,685
♪ You thought you gotaway from me ♪
351
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:23,895
♪ Didn't ya ♪
352
00:14:23,971 --> 00:14:24,896
♪ I gotcha ♪
353
00:14:24,972 --> 00:14:26,606
♪ Ha ha ha ♪
354
00:14:26,682 --> 00:14:28,733
Yeah, gotcha!
355
00:14:28,809 --> 00:14:29,775
Two down.
356
00:14:29,852 --> 00:14:31,286
One to go.
357
00:14:34,732 --> 00:14:35,957
Let's go.
358
00:14:42,698 --> 00:14:45,750
Ugh. I hate my hair.
359
00:14:45,826 --> 00:14:47,418
BERNIE:
Vanessa, we got
very little time.
360
00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:49,629
Whatever you doing,
you got to finish it.
361
00:14:49,705 --> 00:14:50,630
Come on out, baby.
362
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:52,089
You already
missed breakfast.
363
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,758
Good.
I ain't hungry.
364
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:56,093
Ain't playin', baby.
Let's go!
365
00:14:56,170 --> 00:14:59,188
(mimicking)
Ain't playin', baby.
Let's go! Shut up.
366
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:01,682
What did you say in there?
367
00:15:01,759 --> 00:15:03,184
Nothing!
368
00:15:03,260 --> 00:15:04,602
(mimicking)
What did you say in there?
369
00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:07,021
Keep on.
Keep on talking.
370
00:15:07,098 --> 00:15:09,523
Maybe I should
shave it all off.
371
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,658
(sighs)
372
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:13,152
What does it matter, anyways?
373
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:15,321
Oh, what does it matter,
anyway?
374
00:15:15,398 --> 00:15:17,907
It's the teachers that are
getting tested nowadays.
375
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:20,952
I mean, you know,
it's freakin' upside-down.
376
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,103
So, are you saying
they don't care
377
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:23,663
if the kids
do their homework?
378
00:15:23,739 --> 00:15:25,665
No, I'm saying
that they don't bother
to give it anymore.
379
00:15:25,741 --> 00:15:28,217
I mean,
what's the point, right?
380
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,777
Look, uh...
381
00:15:29,854 --> 00:15:32,046
maybe I'm being
a little harsh here.
382
00:15:32,123 --> 00:15:34,557
There are many kids
that are doing very well
383
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,801
and many teachers
really care
384
00:15:36,877 --> 00:15:39,086
but, uh, for
the most part,
385
00:15:39,163 --> 00:15:41,681
everybody tries to not
be part of the problem.
You know what I'm saying?
386
00:15:41,757 --> 00:15:43,265
I hope that helps
with your research.
387
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:44,901
My research?
388
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:48,396
Yes. I was told that
you were doing research
for a part in a movie.
389
00:15:48,472 --> 00:15:49,730
Aren't you famous?
390
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:50,690
(clears throat)
391
00:15:50,766 --> 00:15:52,274
No--I mean, yes-
but we're here
392
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:53,901
to enroll our niece
in the school.
393
00:15:53,978 --> 00:15:56,737
Oh. Too late for
private school?
394
00:15:56,814 --> 00:15:58,990
No, actually,
she had three interviews
395
00:15:59,066 --> 00:16:02,368
but none of them
responded to what
she had to say.
396
00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:03,378
What'd she say?
397
00:16:05,406 --> 00:16:07,047
Oh.
398
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:10,259
-Welcome to Baja Vista.
-(bell rings)
399
00:16:13,456 --> 00:16:16,090
Now, that wasn't so hard,
was it, baby girl?
400
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:18,092
Uncle Bernie said
do something and
you did it.
401
00:16:18,169 --> 00:16:19,602
Let's try it again.
402
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:22,430
Now, grab your school bag
and let's hop in the car, honey.
403
00:16:22,506 --> 00:16:25,057
One, two--hey, that's all
you're taking to school?
404
00:16:25,134 --> 00:16:26,434
Could it be that...?
405
00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:28,936
Lord...
406
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:31,814
I know
you're testing me, right?
407
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:35,943
You send the devil down here
to tempt me with evil thoughts.
408
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:37,778
Testing my faith.
409
00:16:37,855 --> 00:16:40,206
Thoughts of killing.
410
00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:41,866
I-I-I know it ain't right.
411
00:16:41,942 --> 00:16:43,576
I ain't letting go.
412
00:16:43,652 --> 00:16:45,286
I believe; I do believe.
413
00:16:45,362 --> 00:16:46,579
(gulps)
414
00:16:46,655 --> 00:16:49,373
Father...
415
00:16:49,450 --> 00:16:52,460
you say
you'll never forsake me.
416
00:16:52,536 --> 00:16:54,128
Don't forsake me.
417
00:16:54,205 --> 00:16:56,139
Give me some peace.
418
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,926
Peace.
419
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:03,387
You are not going to be
late for school, baby.
420
00:17:03,464 --> 00:17:05,639
Who cares? They don't
take attendance, anyway.
421
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,933
Girl, don't you care
about going school, Nessa?
422
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,518
What you going to be
without education?
423
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:12,980
Maybe I'll be a comedian,
like you.
424
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:16,150
Oh, you got it down pat.
You so smart.
425
00:17:16,227 --> 00:17:18,152
You know, you might
as well hold a class...
426
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:21,122
I can't do my hair!
427
00:17:23,234 --> 00:17:27,078
Look here, Nessa...
it's been a rough morning.
428
00:17:27,154 --> 00:17:29,497
I lost two
of my favorite shirts.
429
00:17:29,573 --> 00:17:32,374
I been covered with hair grease
and vomit.
430
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:34,335
I got arthritis
in my hands, baby,
431
00:17:34,411 --> 00:17:37,129
from braiding all those
black Barbie dolls' hair.
432
00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:39,673
I'm out of high blood pressure
medicine.
433
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:41,717
It has not been a good day.
434
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:45,554
Now, I know you want to look
good for the first day of school
435
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,807
and I understand that,
436
00:17:47,883 --> 00:17:50,101
and I know you a teenager,
437
00:17:50,177 --> 00:17:54,188
and you're very sensitive
to teenage stuff...
438
00:17:54,265 --> 00:17:56,857
I understand that.
439
00:17:56,934 --> 00:18:00,069
But Nessa,
you got to understand this:
440
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:03,948
your Uncle Bernie loves you,
okay?
441
00:18:04,024 --> 00:18:06,042
But we got to get moving.
442
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,663
Y'all didn't think I could be
the bigger man, did you?
443
00:18:10,739 --> 00:18:14,041
(sniffles)
444
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,751
Nessa?
445
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:19,472
I guess I can live with this.
446
00:18:24,587 --> 00:18:26,095
Thank you.
447
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:28,722
See? Girl, I don't know
what you was worried about.
448
00:18:28,799 --> 00:18:30,975
You look great.
Now, come on,
we got to go.
449
00:18:31,051 --> 00:18:34,103
You can finish doing your hair
in the car.
450
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,896
(frustrated sigh)
451
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,481
What?
452
00:18:37,558 --> 00:18:39,283
What'd I say?
453
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,985
Black women, you need to get
less sensitive
454
00:18:41,061 --> 00:18:42,903
about your doggone hair.
455
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:45,281
You're too soft.
456
00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:47,741
White women,
stop losing weight.
457
00:18:47,818 --> 00:18:49,743
Okay, how do you want it?
458
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:52,037
Pretty, like yours.
459
00:18:52,114 --> 00:18:53,497
You think
my hair's pretty?
460
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:54,915
Yeah.
461
00:18:54,992 --> 00:18:56,259
Turn around.
462
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,129
I'm the beautiful
princess
463
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:04,842
and you're the
beautiful queen.
464
00:19:04,919 --> 00:19:06,568
Hey, you know what?
465
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,147
Why don't you go ahead
and put that princess costume
back on.
466
00:19:09,223 --> 00:19:12,558
I can't.
Uncle Bernie
won't let me.
467
00:19:12,635 --> 00:19:15,102
Well, I told Uncle Bernie
it's okay.
468
00:19:15,179 --> 00:19:17,104
Let's go! Let's go!
469
00:19:17,181 --> 00:19:18,197
We still can make it
on time, baby.
470
00:19:18,274 --> 00:19:20,566
Let's go!
30 seconds, in the car!
471
00:19:20,643 --> 00:19:22,142
Huh?
472
00:19:22,219 --> 00:19:23,911
Uncle Bernie, you're still
in your pajama bottoms.
473
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:25,321
Oh, my Lord, have mercy.
474
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:28,240
-(snickering)
-What you laughing at, son?
475
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:29,241
I can see your mule.
476
00:19:29,318 --> 00:19:30,525
Jordan, get in the car.
477
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,453
One minute, one minute--
everybody in the car!
478
00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:34,121
Told me he can still
see my mule.
479
00:19:34,198 --> 00:19:36,790
Damn Coke-bottle glasses.
Let's go!
480
00:19:36,867 --> 00:19:38,709
VANESSA: Oh, Uncle Bernie,
I did Bryana's hair,
481
00:19:38,786 --> 00:19:43,181
-and I dressed her.
-Nessa, thank you.
Oh, no!!
482
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,010
All right, let's go,
Your Highness.
483
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:49,970
Let's go, sweetheart.
484
00:19:50,047 --> 00:19:51,189
Let your teacher
deal with it.
485
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:02,733
Okay, baby girl.
486
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:05,945
Oh. I can walk by myself.
487
00:20:06,021 --> 00:20:07,363
Hey, Nessa,
488
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,281
thank you for doing
baby girl's hair.
489
00:20:09,358 --> 00:20:11,792
-It looks nice.
-I know.
490
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,333
Hey!
491
00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:20,834
Your hair looks nice, too.
492
00:20:20,911 --> 00:20:21,844
I'm late.
493
00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:25,506
She just evil.
494
00:20:25,582 --> 00:20:27,600
All right, come on, my man.
495
00:20:27,677 --> 00:20:30,844
Aw, Jordan, man,
I know you're scared.
496
00:20:30,921 --> 00:20:32,805
Adjustment takes time.
497
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,557
Everybody's scared of school
at one time or another.
498
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,068
-Byron!
-Jordan!
499
00:20:37,144 --> 00:20:41,188
Byron?
Ain't that a...
500
00:20:41,265 --> 00:20:43,857
That little faker!
501
00:20:43,934 --> 00:20:46,402
Taking me through all of this!
502
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:48,696
I'm going to say it again:
503
00:20:48,772 --> 00:20:50,072
Boarding school.
504
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,991
Send them away.
505
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:53,742
The further, the better.
506
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:58,163
Europe, Asia, Ethiopia,
Jerusalem, Germany--
507
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:02,209
Ah! It's the only way
you're going to get peace
of mind, baby.
508
00:21:02,286 --> 00:21:04,971
Any other solution
sends you to prison.
509
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:11,885
I just realized something.
510
00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:13,729
I got to do it again
tomorrow.
511
00:21:19,470 --> 00:21:20,769
Give me some privacy.
512
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:23,814
(sniffling)
513
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:26,409
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
514
00:21:29,730 --> 00:21:32,448
White women,
stop losing weight!
515
00:21:32,524 --> 00:21:34,158
I'm sick of it.
516
00:21:34,234 --> 00:21:35,868
Can't say nothing.
517
00:21:35,944 --> 00:21:37,837
Oh, fat people--
518
00:21:37,913 --> 00:21:39,964
Forget about it.
519
00:21:41,950 --> 00:21:43,876
Wh--no.
520
00:21:43,952 --> 00:21:46,003
Midgets--
ain't gonna say nothing.
521
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,014
Probably think little
of me.
522
00:21:50,292 --> 00:21:52,676
Cut the camera off.
523
00:21:52,753 --> 00:21:55,721
Homosex--
no, move on.
524
00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:58,065
Move on.
37000
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