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♪♪
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Ha!
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Kick him in the stomach.
4
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Boy, it trips me out
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how their body
just falls apart like that.
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Boy, these video games,
I love them.
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It's a great way to work off
your aggression.
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00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,938
And Bernie Mac got
a lot of aggression.
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You know
Bernie Mac's situation.
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My sister, you know,
she's taking
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00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,069
a state-sponsored vacation.
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You know, she got a little
problem with drugs.
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00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:42,783
Now my wife, Wanda, and I,
we're taking care of her kids.
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Don't remind me.
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Them doggone kids.
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I want to tear
their doggone head off.
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Blast them
into a million pieces.
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00:00:50,325 --> 00:00:51,666
Shut them up for good.
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(yells)
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Now, hold on a minute.
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00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,933
I know what you're thinking.
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Now, you wrong.
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Bernie Mac
is not a violent man.
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This is what Bernie Mac does
to relax.
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Because in real life,
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00:01:07,592 --> 00:01:10,227
we don't settle
our differences this way.
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That would be wrong.
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We're not animals.
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DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR:
Despite a reputation
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for being solitary, wolvesare seldom without company.
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And when they hunt,they hunt in packs.
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Jordan?
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Hmm?
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What you doing in the house
watching TV?
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It's beautiful outside.
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You think we live in Los Angeles
for the culture?
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00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,249
I'm watching the
Discovery Channel.
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Son, you could watch
this crap anytime.
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Now, go outside
and meet some of the boys.
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No, but I want to
see what happens.
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The lion eats the hyena.
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Now, give me this glass
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and go outside
and enjoy yourself.
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Oh.
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When I was a young kid, man,
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you couldn't get us to stay
in no doggone house.
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(elephant trumpeting)
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(exotic birds cawing)
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DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR:
When the wolf pack spiesa prospective prey
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00:02:07,903 --> 00:02:11,538
it moves in unison,cautiously surrounding it,
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searching for signsof weakness.
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Sensing an opening,the pack works as a unit
53
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,129
to keep the prey confusedand off-balance.
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When ready to move infor the kill
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the first attack is made
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by the strongest memberof the pack.
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This is the alpha wolf.
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Okay, hold it right there.
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(sobs)
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Man, those kids are going to
wind up being your best friends.
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You watch and see,
you watch.
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00:02:35,597 --> 00:02:36,780
(sobbing)
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A fight?
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Damn.
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Ma'am, was he hurt?
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No, no, just tell him
I'm on my way.
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(school bell rings)
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See, the problem is,
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00:02:59,029 --> 00:03:01,504
Jordan, my nephew,
he's small for his age.
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00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:04,132
And like most small kids
where I come from,
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00:03:04,209 --> 00:03:05,634
they constantly get picked on.
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00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:07,385
But I'm going to tell you
something.
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00:03:07,462 --> 00:03:09,179
You ain't got to be big
to be tough.
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00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,848
You look at one of
the all-time boxing greats,
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Sugar Ray Leonard.
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Over here.
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00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:18,104
What's up, Ray, baby?
How you doing?
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00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:20,982
Now, my man Ray,
he was small,
but he was wiry.
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00:03:21,059 --> 00:03:23,235
He was like those
little Japanese cars.
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00:03:23,311 --> 00:03:24,828
I mean, compact, agile,
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00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,738
built for speed
and endurance.
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00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:29,783
And I can bet you,
if someone called
him a sissy...
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I'd hand him a dollar
and make change
out of his ass.
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00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,704
(chuckling)
Boy...
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00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,456
Let me... I'm excited.
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00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,500
Let's move on.
Let's move on.
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00:03:38,576 --> 00:03:40,502
Now, Ray,
seriously speaking,
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00:03:40,578 --> 00:03:42,295
from a champion's
perspective,
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00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:44,756
how would you assess
my nephew's skill?
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00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:47,550
Bernie, it seems to me
that Jordan lacks speed.
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00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:48,651
Uh-huh.
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00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,553
This man has
zero self-confidence.
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00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:51,721
Hmm...
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00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:52,931
And he's totally lacking
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00:03:53,008 --> 00:03:54,474
in the fundamentals
that make a great fighter.
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00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,568
I mean, he-he's a loser.
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00:03:58,346 --> 00:04:00,605
So, he definitely
going to get his
ass whooped, huh?
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00:04:00,682 --> 00:04:03,325
Oh, I would seriously consider
home schooling.
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00:04:08,273 --> 00:04:09,572
Jordan says
that he's sick
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00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,533
and doesn't want to go
to school tomorrow.
101
00:04:11,609 --> 00:04:13,877
Is something going
on with him?
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00:04:16,072 --> 00:04:17,539
Hmm, baby,
don't worry about it.
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00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:18,715
I'll take care
of it, okay?
104
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,261
But I don't want to learn
how to fight.
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00:04:22,337 --> 00:04:24,087
Well, you're going
to learn how to fight.
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00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,505
Get up. Quit being
so difficult.
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00:04:25,582 --> 00:04:27,391
But I'm working
on my magic tricks.
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00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,342
Give me that doggone
magic trick.
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00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:31,052
What you going to do
when somebody starts
picking on you?
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00:04:31,129 --> 00:04:32,762
You going
to disappear?
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00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:33,805
But I don't want to...
112
00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:34,806
Well, you have to.
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00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:36,399
Now listen.
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00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,727
The first thing you
need to know about
defending yourself
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00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,437
is to avoid a fight
in the first place.
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00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:41,980
Now, what I mean
by that, man,
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00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:43,565
if somebody starts
picking on you,
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00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:44,983
you got to show
you can take it.
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00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:47,402
You got to come right back
and start picking on them.
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00:04:47,479 --> 00:04:48,862
How do I do that?
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00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:52,449
Well, uh, you can start
by insulting their mama.
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00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,534
What if I don't know his mama?
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00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:56,494
We're talking about
universal mamas here, Jordan.
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00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:58,288
It applies to all mamas.
You got to be inventive.
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00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,165
Doggone, now, Jordan.
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00:05:00,241 --> 00:05:02,042
If you start hitting
on somebody's mama,
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00:05:02,118 --> 00:05:03,084
you got to hit him
where it hurt.
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00:05:03,161 --> 00:05:04,461
Go for the jugular.
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00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,087
If their mama's fat,
you got to say something like
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00:05:06,164 --> 00:05:07,431
"Yo mama's so fat, I poured
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00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,424
a half a cup of water
in the bathtub
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00:05:09,501 --> 00:05:11,760
and when she sat down,
it overflowed."
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00:05:11,836 --> 00:05:14,095
-(chuckles)
-Uncle Bernie, that's mean.
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00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:15,638
What if I like his mama?
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00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:16,940
You don't know his mama, Jordan.
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00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,309
How you going to like somebody
you don't know?
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00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,603
What if his mama's dead?
138
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,946
Jordan, your mama
being dead ain't got nothing
to do with it.
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00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,315
What you doing talking about
if their mama dead for?
140
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,233
Look here...
141
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:28,485
Forget about it.
142
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,195
Okay? Forget about it.
143
00:05:30,271 --> 00:05:32,238
We're going to move on.
144
00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:34,240
We'll go to Plan B.
145
00:05:34,317 --> 00:05:36,034
Acting crazy.
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00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:37,160
(lion roaring)
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00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,496
JORDAN: (yelling)
148
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,756
BERNIE: (growling)
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No!
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00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:43,258
JORDAN: (gasps)
151
00:05:43,335 --> 00:05:44,718
Relax, relax.
Jordan, Jordan.
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00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:46,836
It's just whipped cream.
I'm trying to make a point.
153
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,797
See, you got to make people
think you're crazy.
154
00:05:48,873 --> 00:05:51,633
Don't nobody mess with
you when you foaming.
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00:05:51,709 --> 00:05:55,479
(panting)
156
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,088
Jordan, listen, listen, listen.
157
00:05:57,165 --> 00:05:58,982
You got to get loud.
You got to act weird.
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00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,142
Somebody get in your face,
you got to make them think
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00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:03,144
like you, like you crazy.
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00:06:03,221 --> 00:06:04,378
How?
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00:06:04,456 --> 00:06:05,188
By your body language,
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00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,948
your voice, man,
you got to...
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00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,992
When people step to you, ,
say, "You better back off."
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00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,494
"You better back off."
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00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,112
Well, no, listen
to my voice, man.
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00:06:12,188 --> 00:06:13,246
"Don't mess with me, man."
167
00:06:13,323 --> 00:06:14,998
"Don't mess with me, man."
168
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,991
-"I don't play."
-"I don't play."
169
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:19,753
-"You better back off."
-"You better back off."
170
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:23,164
-"Don't mess with me, man."
-"Don't mess with me, man."
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00:06:23,241 --> 00:06:24,207
-"I don't..."
-"I don't play."
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00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:25,591
"Don't mess with me, man."
173
00:06:25,669 --> 00:06:27,377
-"You better back off."
-"You better back off."
174
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,570
-"I don't play."
-"I don't play."
175
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,046
-"Back off."
-"Don't mess with me."
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00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,014
"Get back!"
177
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,049
(both growling)
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00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,092
"Don't mess
with me, man.
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00:06:34,169 --> 00:06:35,093
"I don't play.
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00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:36,094
"You better
back off.
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00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:37,095
"I don't play.
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00:06:37,172 --> 00:06:38,771
Don't mess
with me, man..."
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00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,190
That's a dead boy walking
right there.
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00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,724
Bernie, teaching
that boy that violence
185
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,893
is the answer
is just wrong.
186
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,729
Sweetheart, I'm not teaching
that boy no violence.
187
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,232
I'm trying to give him
some schoolyard diplomacy.
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00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:52,819
Give him some tactics, man,
to keep him from fighting.
189
00:06:52,896 --> 00:06:55,321
Baby, I know you.
190
00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:57,490
What you mean by that?
You...
191
00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:00,034
You know that boy needs
something, Wanda.
192
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,703
-He's soft.
-He is not soft.
193
00:07:01,779 --> 00:07:03,997
-He is.
-Jordan is a
gentle soul.
194
00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:06,332
He doesn't like fighting.
He likes magic tricks.
195
00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:08,710
What is with these doggone
magic tricks, man?
196
00:07:08,786 --> 00:07:10,420
That's what happened
to Houdini.
197
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,254
That's how he died.
198
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,548
He got his ass kicked
over there at the magic shop.
199
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:15,058
The man hit him
in the doggone stomach.
200
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:19,220
If he knew some "yo mama" jokes,
he might still be alive today.
201
00:07:19,297 --> 00:07:22,348
JORDAN: (wailing)
202
00:07:22,425 --> 00:07:24,476
(clears throat)
203
00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:26,102
I wish I knew some magic.
204
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,229
-Poof!
-Mm-hmm.
205
00:07:28,306 --> 00:07:30,190
(sobbing)
206
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,942
What? What?
Jordan!
207
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,027
She took it.
208
00:07:34,104 --> 00:07:36,654
If it's your car,
take it back.
209
00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:39,365
She took it!
She took it!
210
00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:40,541
Jordan, Jordan, Jordan,
listen to me.
211
00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:41,734
Come on now, come on.
212
00:07:41,812 --> 00:07:43,578
You mean to tell me, after
everything I showed you,
213
00:07:43,655 --> 00:07:46,706
you can't take a toy car
from a four-year-old girl?
214
00:07:46,783 --> 00:07:49,334
She's four years old.
Now relax.
215
00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:51,252
Do what I showed you.
216
00:07:51,329 --> 00:07:53,171
Don't mess with me!
I don't play!
217
00:07:53,248 --> 00:07:56,266
Hey, give it back.
218
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,134
(sobs)
219
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,061
-Punk.
-(sobbing)
220
00:08:01,422 --> 00:08:03,732
Oh, Lord.
221
00:08:09,305 --> 00:08:11,439
Ray, the boy's real
soft, I mean, soft.
222
00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:12,941
He's like liquid, you know.
223
00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:14,692
He needs more
than fundamentals.
224
00:08:14,769 --> 00:08:16,903
He needs something like
divine intervention.
225
00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:18,446
And that's where
I come in.
226
00:08:18,523 --> 00:08:21,533
I was teaching my nephew
a few playground moves, man,
227
00:08:21,609 --> 00:08:22,858
in case he get
in trouble.
228
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,527
First thing I
taught him is,
229
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:25,870
if somebody mess with you,
you pick up some sand,
230
00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:27,413
then you throw
it in their face.
231
00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:28,873
Then you take off running.
232
00:08:28,950 --> 00:08:30,833
That always worked for
me when I was little.
233
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,877
You know, or you can
improvise, especially
234
00:08:32,954 --> 00:08:34,295
if you're around
some objects.
235
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,380
Let me see that book.
236
00:08:35,456 --> 00:08:36,497
This one here?
237
00:08:36,575 --> 00:08:38,383
That's this book
that I was reading.
238
00:08:38,459 --> 00:08:40,593
See? Look, I'm reading,
casually minding
your business.
239
00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:42,270
(whistles)
Somebody come at you...
240
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,721
Bam!
241
00:08:43,798 --> 00:08:45,890
Hit him right in the throat,
right in the throat.
242
00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:47,341
Drop the book
and start running.
243
00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:49,394
Boy, oh, boy, I was
dangerous when I
was little, Ray.
244
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,563
I'll tell you.
Now, now, Ray,
be honest with me.
245
00:08:51,639 --> 00:08:54,440
The few techniques
that I just showed
you and the people,
246
00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:57,026
what do you think
my nephew's chances
are right now?
247
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,904
Don't get too attached
to the boy.
248
00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:01,698
He's still going
to have trouble?
249
00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,251
Yes. Big trouble.
250
00:09:10,992 --> 00:09:12,875
Hey, why'd you do that?
251
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:15,003
'Cause it's ugly...
Like you.
252
00:09:15,079 --> 00:09:16,671
Stop.
253
00:09:16,748 --> 00:09:18,089
Stop!
254
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,966
What are you going
to do, cry, baby?
255
00:09:20,043 --> 00:09:24,554
No, no, but... But yo mama cried
when you were born.
256
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:27,307
(booing)
257
00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:29,475
(kids laughing)
258
00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:32,779
Look at that little sissy.
259
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,690
Ow, my eye.
260
00:09:35,767 --> 00:09:37,117
Sorry, Byron.
261
00:09:39,228 --> 00:09:40,287
(gasping)
262
00:09:45,943 --> 00:09:48,661
♪ I don't know karate ♪
263
00:09:48,738 --> 00:09:49,954
♪ But I know crazy ♪
264
00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:50,955
♪ Yes, we do ♪
265
00:09:51,032 --> 00:09:52,707
♪ You get ready ♪
266
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,292
♪ For the big payback ♪
267
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:55,242
♪ Hit it... ♪
268
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,879
I don't play!
I don't play!
269
00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:58,880
♪ Hey, hey ♪
270
00:09:58,956 --> 00:10:01,799
♪ I don't know karate ♪
271
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,676
♪ But I know crazy ♪
272
00:10:03,753 --> 00:10:05,186
♪ Yes, we do ♪
273
00:10:05,263 --> 00:10:06,220
♪ Huh... ♪
274
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,472
I don't play!
275
00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:09,182
How'd it go today, son?
276
00:10:09,258 --> 00:10:11,809
Okay.
277
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,436
Anybody pick on you?
278
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:14,738
No. Nobody.
279
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:16,981
I just did what you told me
and acted like you.
280
00:10:17,058 --> 00:10:19,117
Now, nobody bothers me.
281
00:10:21,729 --> 00:10:22,987
(to himself)
My boy.
282
00:10:23,064 --> 00:10:25,198
You know what I'm saying!
283
00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:27,751
Guess who had a good day
in school today, baby?
284
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,753
Little Harry Potter himself.
285
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,371
And his magic tricks.
286
00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:34,832
The boy managed to conjure up
some self-confidence.
287
00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:36,066
I told you, baby.
288
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,335
All the boy had to do
289
00:10:37,412 --> 00:10:39,128
was go to school
and act like Bernie Mac.
290
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,764
And I bet nobody'd
mess with him.
291
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:41,714
I told him that.
292
00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:42,882
He did it, too.
293
00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:45,226
Baby? What?
294
00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:52,517
Hello?
295
00:10:52,593 --> 00:10:55,103
Who?
296
00:10:55,179 --> 00:10:58,523
Yeah, this is Bernie Mac.
297
00:10:58,599 --> 00:11:00,983
Ho-Hold on, hold on, hold on.
298
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:04,195
How you know your son
wasn't picking on him?
299
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:07,573
And he wasn't defending himself?
300
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,575
No, I ain't calling you no liar.
301
00:11:09,652 --> 00:11:13,705
But I'm saying you do sound
a little hot-tempered right now.
302
00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:16,708
And if your son act anything
the way you acting right now,
303
00:11:16,784 --> 00:11:18,376
I can... Hello?
304
00:11:18,453 --> 00:11:19,886
Uh...
305
00:11:21,998 --> 00:11:23,272
Hate people that trip.
306
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,683
They be calling
the wrong number
and tripping.
307
00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:25,883
Come on, heads up.
308
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,760
Hey! I was listening.
309
00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:29,938
Jordan, I want you
to listen.
310
00:11:30,014 --> 00:11:31,889
And listen well,
because I'm only
311
00:11:31,966 --> 00:11:33,725
going to ask you this
one time.
312
00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:35,768
Did you pick a fight
in school today?
313
00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:37,729
No.
314
00:11:37,805 --> 00:11:39,197
Because I just
got off the phone
315
00:11:39,274 --> 00:11:41,232
with the father
of the boy who said you did.
316
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:44,235
I didn't start it.
He was picking on me.
317
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,571
So, you were sticking up
for yourself, right?
318
00:11:46,647 --> 00:11:48,030
-Mm-hmm.
-You're not lying to me,
319
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,458
-are you, son?
-Uncle Bernie, I promise.
320
00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,326
I'm not lying to you.
321
00:11:52,403 --> 00:11:55,455
He's lying. He's lying
through his flippin' teeth.
322
00:11:55,531 --> 00:11:57,915
It's to be expected.
The boy's a bad seed.
323
00:11:57,992 --> 00:11:59,917
Hey, hey,
Father Cronin...
324
00:11:59,994 --> 00:12:01,294
I don't believe that.
325
00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:04,472
I mean, Jordan's just too soft
to lie to my face.
326
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:07,425
People rarely want to believe
their child is the problem.
327
00:12:07,502 --> 00:12:10,219
Don't you think it was hard
for the Apostles to believe
328
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:12,180
that one of their own
would betray Christ?
329
00:12:12,256 --> 00:12:14,891
And yet,
there he was.
330
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,642
Judas.
331
00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:20,938
Sitting there, eating His body
and drinking His blood.
332
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:24,033
(churchly organ music plays)
333
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:28,580
Mr. Mac, come take a look see
at your own little Judas.
334
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:36,496
JORDAN: (yelling)
335
00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:40,467
The nuns refer to him
as "the Holy Terror."
336
00:12:45,039 --> 00:12:46,631
JORDAN: (wails)
337
00:12:46,707 --> 00:12:48,049
What's got into you, Jordan?
338
00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:50,051
You don't go around picking
fights like that.
339
00:12:50,127 --> 00:12:51,761
Who told you to act like that?
340
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,646
You did.
341
00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,306
Me? I didn't tell you to act
like a little doggone bully.
342
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,400
You told me to act like you.
343
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,235
You saying I'm a bully?
I ain't no bully.
344
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,488
-JORDAN: (wails)
-I'm going to show you
a doggone bully.
345
00:13:07,144 --> 00:13:08,945
(boxing bell dings)
346
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,412
Welcome back.
347
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,698
When you think
of boxing's biggest bullies,
348
00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,700
you think of men
with menacing, icy stares
349
00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:16,994
that could freeze
their opponents cold.
350
00:13:17,071 --> 00:13:19,956
Brutes who beat their foes
into submission.
351
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:24,168
Men whose very names struck fear
in the hearts of giants.
352
00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:27,171
Men like Sonny Liston,
Big George Foreman,
353
00:13:27,248 --> 00:13:30,216
Mike Tyson, Bernie Mac.
354
00:13:30,293 --> 00:13:31,384
These bullies...
355
00:13:31,461 --> 00:13:33,344
Hold on, Ray, Ray.
Ray, hold on, now.
356
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,512
What?
357
00:13:34,589 --> 00:13:37,473
-I ain't no bully.
-What are you saying?
358
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,809
I'm saying I don't
know where you think
I'm a bully from.
359
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,936
Well, Bernie, if you check
your record out, it's clear.
360
00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,813
You've always been a bully.
361
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,273
That's not true.
That ain't true.
362
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,941
-Not true?
-No.
363
00:13:47,018 --> 00:13:48,734
Okay, let's go to videotape.
364
00:13:48,811 --> 00:13:50,611
CHILDREN: (on TV)
♪ Alouette, gentille alouette ♪
365
00:13:50,688 --> 00:13:53,489
Hey, baby girl.
Can I watch TV with you?
366
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:54,532
Okay.
367
00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:55,792
Okay, thank you.
368
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,577
(sportscast playing)
369
00:13:57,653 --> 00:13:58,619
Hey!
370
00:13:58,696 --> 00:13:59,829
Hey.
371
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,248
(sobs)
372
00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:05,960
Oh, don't cry, Bryana.
373
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,211
Bears are going to win.
374
00:14:07,288 --> 00:14:09,230
Watch, they're going to win.
375
00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:12,174
ANNOUNCER:
...in the passing game,have problems on the run...
376
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,385
What a terrible mismatch.
377
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:16,971
A heavyweight versus
a flyweight.
378
00:14:17,048 --> 00:14:19,557
Picking on a little girl.
379
00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:21,526
I don't want to do
this no more, Ray.
380
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:24,604
And now, the main event
381
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,398
where we profile the series
of bouts
382
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:30,109
between Bernie
and his greatest rival,
383
00:14:30,186 --> 00:14:31,786
little "Magic Man" Jordan.
384
00:14:33,147 --> 00:14:35,114
You're not funny.
385
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:36,574
(bell rings
and punches landing)
386
00:14:36,651 --> 00:14:37,876
ANNOUNCER:
Down he goes.
387
00:14:37,952 --> 00:14:39,160
I won!
388
00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:41,037
I got the high score.
389
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:43,715
I beat your record.
390
00:14:45,076 --> 00:14:48,044
J... O...
391
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,014
R... D...
392
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,424
Aw, man!
Look what happened.
393
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:56,019
It just came out.
It just came out.
394
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:57,553
It just came out.
395
00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,046
(bell dings)
396
00:14:59,123 --> 00:15:00,431
BERNIE:
Get in there, boy,
before I throw you in.
397
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,683
JORDAN:
I don't want
to take a bath.
398
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:03,801
Shut up!
399
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,019
I don't want
to take a...
400
00:15:05,096 --> 00:15:06,145
(splashing)
401
00:15:06,222 --> 00:15:08,522
(bell dings)
402
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,909
Hey, that was my brownie.
403
00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:12,068
No, it wasn't.
404
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:13,277
Yes, it was.
405
00:15:13,354 --> 00:15:14,570
No, it wasn't.
406
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,030
Yes, it was.
407
00:15:16,107 --> 00:15:17,239
Mm-mmm.
408
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,033
Yes, it was.
409
00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:20,534
Hmm.
410
00:15:20,611 --> 00:15:23,579
It was in a bag
with my name on it.
411
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:24,830
Hmm.
412
00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:26,999
Yeah.
413
00:15:27,076 --> 00:15:28,885
We're family.
414
00:15:30,955 --> 00:15:32,922
I want you to leave.
415
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,591
Okay.
416
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:38,019
Bully.
417
00:15:41,966 --> 00:15:44,433
I ain't no bully.
418
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,694
I know y'all don't think
I'm no bully, do you?
419
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,440
Well, y'all can get out
of my house, too.
420
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:54,110
He lucky he left when he did.
421
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:55,403
Huh, Sugar!
He retired.
422
00:15:55,479 --> 00:15:57,738
He ain't got like that no more.
423
00:15:57,815 --> 00:15:59,407
(chuckles)
424
00:15:59,483 --> 00:16:01,417
He gone, ain't he?
425
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:05,046
(grunting and groaning)
426
00:16:10,745 --> 00:16:12,753
Jordan, I want to talk
to you for a minute.
427
00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:15,932
Move, Uncle Bernie.
I don't play.
428
00:16:17,918 --> 00:16:20,469
That's exactly what I want
to talk to you about.
429
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:24,140
Jordan, look.
I apologize to you, okay?
430
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,642
Because, first of all,
you're right.
431
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:27,601
I am a bully.
432
00:16:27,678 --> 00:16:29,270
And worse than that, man,
433
00:16:29,346 --> 00:16:31,480
I've been teaching you
to be a bully.
434
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:32,940
That's okay,
Uncle Bernie.
435
00:16:33,017 --> 00:16:34,283
It works for me.
436
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,994
Now you can turn on the TV.
437
00:16:38,189 --> 00:16:40,614
Son, you're not listening to me.
438
00:16:40,691 --> 00:16:44,493
I'm trying to teach you
that being a bully is wrong.
439
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,454
But I was getting
picked on before.
440
00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:49,331
Now nobody picks on me.
441
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,635
I get what I want, and
I even get extra stuff.
442
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:55,421
Look, I took this
pen off of Eugene.
443
00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:56,973
It has a naked lady
on it, look!
444
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,049
Give me this.
445
00:16:58,125 --> 00:17:00,217
It's not funny.
446
00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:01,477
And this is going back.
447
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,479
And I want you
to promise me
448
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,265
that you're going to stop being
a bully at school, Jordan.
449
00:17:06,342 --> 00:17:07,808
(whining)
Okay.
450
00:17:07,885 --> 00:17:09,452
Don't "okay" me.
451
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,438
Look at me and tell me
that you'll stop being a bully.
452
00:17:12,515 --> 00:17:15,357
Okay, Uncle Bernie,
I promise.
453
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,869
I won't be a
bully at school.
454
00:17:19,655 --> 00:17:21,539
Thank you.
455
00:17:29,073 --> 00:17:31,332
Hey, that's mine.
456
00:17:31,408 --> 00:17:33,084
So? Get another one.
457
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,136
That's the last one.
458
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,134
What is wrong with you?
459
00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:43,677
(groans)
460
00:17:43,754 --> 00:17:45,054
Aunt Wanda, I want
to go to the mall.
461
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:47,181
-Aunt Wanda!
-Jordan, honey,
I'm on the phone.
462
00:17:47,258 --> 00:17:48,641
Talk later, I want
to go to the mall.
463
00:17:48,717 --> 00:17:50,559
What did I just say?
No, I...
464
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,478
I said I want to
go to the mall.
465
00:17:52,555 --> 00:17:54,188
-Right, that would be nice.
-Now, come on!
466
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,314
So, why couldn't that be...?
467
00:17:55,391 --> 00:17:56,982
-I don't play.
-Ooh... "I don't play."
468
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,693
Ooh, boy must be out of his mind
to talk to me like that.
469
00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:01,737
No, I'm sorry.
I'm listening. What...?
470
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:02,905
Today!
471
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,282
Ooh, oh, my God!
472
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:07,159
BRYANA:
Give it back!
473
00:18:07,236 --> 00:18:10,037
Give me back
my Crazy String!
474
00:18:10,114 --> 00:18:12,123
You want your Crazy String back?
475
00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:13,749
You want
your Crazy String back?
476
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,009
Yeah!
477
00:18:15,086 --> 00:18:17,753
Here's your Crazy String.
478
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:18,838
Jordan, no!
479
00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:20,005
No!
480
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:22,049
Jordan, no!
481
00:18:22,126 --> 00:18:23,300
(yells)
482
00:18:23,377 --> 00:18:24,802
No!
483
00:18:24,879 --> 00:18:26,971
Maybe you can kind
of burn it out
or something.
484
00:18:27,047 --> 00:18:27,963
What?
485
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,390
Hey, what's going on
in there?
486
00:18:29,466 --> 00:18:32,226
It's Jordan.
He's terrorizing
the whole house.
487
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:34,895
Look what he did
to Bryana.
488
00:18:34,972 --> 00:18:36,239
It won't come out.
489
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:37,565
You've got to do
something, Bernie.
490
00:18:37,641 --> 00:18:40,109
You made this mess.
You fix it.
491
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,444
You know what to do.
492
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,071
Vanessa?
493
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,240
We don't really need a brother.
494
00:18:46,317 --> 00:18:48,909
Go ahead.
Do your thing.
495
00:18:48,986 --> 00:18:50,786
Wait.
496
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,663
You can't.
497
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,248
(scoffs)
498
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:55,958
Now, that's the problem,
America.
499
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,836
You can beat some of the people
some of the time,
500
00:18:58,913 --> 00:19:00,555
but you can't beat your kids.
501
00:19:00,631 --> 00:19:02,798
But see, this is my fault.
502
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:06,719
I led by bad example,
and I created a monster.
503
00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:09,471
Now I have to destroy
the monster.
504
00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:13,267
Now, see, with Dracula,
you use a wooden stake.
505
00:19:13,344 --> 00:19:15,519
Wolfman, the silver bullet.
506
00:19:15,596 --> 00:19:18,689
And with little boys,
you use the belt.
507
00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:21,859
But I've been stripped
of my weapons,
508
00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:24,162
so how am I going to protect
the villagers?
509
00:19:25,856 --> 00:19:28,115
Bernie Mac
doesn't need a belt.
510
00:19:28,192 --> 00:19:29,292
Bernie?
511
00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:30,451
Jordan!
512
00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:32,161
Jordan!
513
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,663
You can't hurt him.
What kind of message
would that send?
514
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:35,764
Oh, I'm going to...
515
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:36,874
I can't find him
anywhere.
516
00:19:36,951 --> 00:19:39,501
I don't think he's
in the house.
517
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,337
There he is.
518
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,463
Get him, Uncle Bernie.
519
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,056
I'm going to get
him, too, baby.
520
00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:51,513
Bernie, it looks like
he's going to pick a
fight with the kids.
521
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:52,932
I see it, baby.
I see it.
522
00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:53,916
We should stop him.
523
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,434
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
524
00:19:55,511 --> 00:19:57,144
This just might be
the lesson he deserves.
525
00:19:57,221 --> 00:19:58,237
Come on back, come on.
526
00:20:06,397 --> 00:20:08,530
DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR:
Sometimes, when an animal
527
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:12,043
is wounded,it is at its most dangerous.
528
00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:17,122
Uppercut, Jordan, duck!
529
00:20:17,199 --> 00:20:18,123
Duck! Yeah.
530
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,458
Bernie Mac!
531
00:20:19,535 --> 00:20:21,543
I don't know who's
worse, you or...
532
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,679
Jordan, look out.
There's one behind you!
533
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,683
Yeah!
534
00:20:31,046 --> 00:20:33,147
(growling)
535
00:20:37,928 --> 00:20:39,436
DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR:
Tasting blood,
536
00:20:39,513 --> 00:20:42,782
an animal's natural instinctis to finish off its prey...
537
00:20:42,858 --> 00:20:46,244
except the human animal,which has a conscience.
538
00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:50,748
(snarling)
539
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,671
Son, I am really
proud of you.
540
00:20:56,747 --> 00:20:59,039
Why? I got beat up by a girl.
541
00:20:59,116 --> 00:21:00,624
And you had her down
on the ground.
542
00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:02,793
You did the right thing.
You stopped yourself.
543
00:21:02,870 --> 00:21:04,420
She looked really afraid.
544
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:06,213
It made
me feel bad.
545
00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:07,223
That's good.
546
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,716
You know what that tells you?
547
00:21:08,792 --> 00:21:10,968
You're not a bully.
548
00:21:11,045 --> 00:21:13,262
Yeah, I guess.
549
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,546
Uncle Bernie?
550
00:21:14,624 --> 00:21:18,600
-Mm-hmm?
-I should give Eugene
back his pen.
551
00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:21,395
Oh, you think so?
552
00:21:21,472 --> 00:21:26,200
No, son, I think Eugene needs
to learn a lesson, too.
553
00:21:27,603 --> 00:21:30,070
You ain't been looking
at this, have you?
554
00:21:30,147 --> 00:21:32,281
-(wild birds cawing)
-(elephant trumpets)
555
00:21:32,358 --> 00:21:34,583
It's disgusting.
556
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:37,253
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
557
00:21:40,157 --> 00:21:42,458
Hey, want to show
me a magic trick?
558
00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:43,634
Okay, um...
559
00:21:43,711 --> 00:21:46,420
Okay, I can make
a dollar disappear.
560
00:21:46,497 --> 00:21:48,964
I got a 20.
All right,
let me see it.
561
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,424
One...
562
00:21:50,501 --> 00:21:52,301
two...
563
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:54,011
three.
564
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:55,412
Why, you little...
565
00:21:55,489 --> 00:21:57,931
I'm sorry, America.
I did the best I could.
566
00:21:58,008 --> 00:22:00,318
A man got to be who he is.
567
00:22:00,394 --> 00:22:01,560
Jordan!
568
00:22:01,637 --> 00:22:03,821
-Jordan!
-(bell rings)
569
00:22:03,898 --> 00:22:05,814
Watch out, watch out.
Sister, look out.
570
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:08,025
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
571
00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,244
Excuse me.
Jordan!
39778
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