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1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:05,212
♪♪
2
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,520
Damn...
3
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,355
This is a good cigar.
4
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:36,735
You can tell a good cigar
by the way it feels
5
00:00:36,812 --> 00:00:40,080
and this feels
like a good cigar.
6
00:00:42,901 --> 00:00:44,043
Look at that smoke.
7
00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:47,079
That's good cigar smoke, there,
boy...
8
00:00:47,155 --> 00:00:48,238
(chuckles)
9
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:51,374
But I ain't here to talk
about cigars.
10
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:54,377
I'm here to tell you
that, uh...
11
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,797
I'm gonna kill
one of them kids.
12
00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:59,549
Oh, don't get me wrong--
I love 'em.
13
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:00,959
They my blood.
14
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,427
I'd give 'em the shirt
off my back.
15
00:01:02,504 --> 00:01:04,513
You ever see a chicken
with his neck wrung
16
00:01:04,589 --> 00:01:06,515
laying to the side
all lazy and weak?
17
00:01:06,591 --> 00:01:07,724
That's what I'm gonna do
to them kids.
18
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:08,876
Talk back to me
one more time.
19
00:01:08,952 --> 00:01:11,228
Snap! I'm gonna
snap they neck off.
20
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:14,064
Eh! They too sassy.
They too grown today.
21
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:15,640
They talk back too much.
22
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,234
Aah, I know what you're saying
to Mac.
23
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,111
I don't care
what you talkin' about.
24
00:01:19,187 --> 00:01:21,371
"Bernie Mac cruel.
Bernie Mac beat his kids."
25
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,074
I don't care.
That's your opinion,
26
00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:26,493
'cause you don't
know the story.
27
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:29,079
You don't know
what went down...
28
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,997
and they're not my kids.
29
00:01:31,074 --> 00:01:33,258
So, why are you mad at him?
30
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,721
Because he turned you in?
31
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,215
Girl, you stole from him.
32
00:01:40,292 --> 00:01:41,300
I would've turned you in.
33
00:01:41,376 --> 00:01:42,926
America, let's talk.
34
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:45,470
Yeah, my sister's on drugs.
That's okay.
35
00:01:45,547 --> 00:01:48,098
Some of your family members
are messed up, too.
36
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,774
What am I supposed to do
37
00:01:49,852 --> 00:01:52,653
allow these three kids to go
to the state or some foster home
38
00:01:52,729 --> 00:01:54,003
or some white couple?
39
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,273
Ah-ah, hold on,
this ain't about race.
40
00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:58,158
It's not about race.
41
00:01:58,235 --> 00:01:59,526
I just don't want to hear them
talking all proper like that.
42
00:01:59,603 --> 00:02:01,736
You know what I'm saying?
That's all I'm trying to say.
43
00:02:01,813 --> 00:02:03,029
What, they got to sit there
44
00:02:03,106 --> 00:02:04,614
and share food
with 40 other kids?
45
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:05,874
No, that ain't right.
46
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:09,244
(voice breaking)
I'm trying to do
the right thing,
47
00:02:09,321 --> 00:02:13,039
and sometime the right thing
may not be the right thing.
48
00:02:13,116 --> 00:02:15,500
Well, I'm gonna do
the right thing.
49
00:02:15,577 --> 00:02:17,302
Just be careful.
50
00:02:19,122 --> 00:02:20,848
Did you hear
what I said?
51
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,601
You don't know what you're
getting yourself into.
52
00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:28,555
Are you listening to me?
53
00:02:28,632 --> 00:02:29,806
Yeah. Yeah.
54
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,817
Bernie Mac.
55
00:02:36,181 --> 00:02:37,447
I feel for his sister,
56
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:40,692
but what does Bernie Mac know
about raising kids?
57
00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:41,818
He's a comedian.
58
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,453
He tells "yo mama" jokes...
59
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:46,489
and how am I gonna explain
to AT&T
60
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:47,616
that I'm late for work again
61
00:02:47,692 --> 00:02:50,035
because my husband's
taping a TV show
62
00:02:50,111 --> 00:02:51,461
and I spent the morning
63
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:54,039
cleaning poop
out of the light socket?
64
00:02:54,115 --> 00:02:55,582
They don't play that.
65
00:02:55,659 --> 00:02:57,634
They are AT&T.
66
00:02:59,454 --> 00:03:02,047
That's just my opinion.
67
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,807
(tires screeching)
68
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:07,394
( intro playingto "Living for the City")
69
00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:16,937
♪ A boy is bornin Hardtime, Mississippi ♪
70
00:03:17,013 --> 00:03:22,192
♪ Surrounded by four wallsthat ain't so pretty ♪
71
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:24,653
-♪ His parents gave ♪
-Yo, yo, yo,
you're Bernie Mac.
72
00:03:24,729 --> 00:03:27,530
-♪ Him love and affection ♪
-Yeah.
73
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:29,824
♪ To keep him strong ♪
74
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,534
♪ Moving inthe right direction ♪
75
00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:34,254
♪ Living just enough ♪
76
00:03:34,331 --> 00:03:36,256
♪ Just enough ♪
77
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:41,220
♪ For the city... ♪
78
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,004
Excuse me,
are you Bernie Mac?
79
00:03:43,081 --> 00:03:44,256
Yeah, yeah, I'm Bernie.
80
00:03:44,332 --> 00:03:45,507
Are you waiting
for three children?
81
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:46,557
Yeah.
82
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:47,926
We have a little problem.
83
00:03:48,003 --> 00:03:49,402
What's the problem?
84
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,521
What do you mean, they don't
want to get off the plane?
85
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,073
Well, the two
girls are fine
86
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,267
but the little boy just
freaked out on our descent.
87
00:03:55,343 --> 00:03:57,352
Uh, he was crying.
Then, he started coughing.
88
00:03:57,429 --> 00:03:59,378
He sounded pre-asthmatic.
89
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:02,148
I know, because my
nephew Timmy is a pre;
sounds exactly like that.
90
00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:04,192
Anyway, he kept saying
he wanted to go home.
91
00:04:04,269 --> 00:04:05,318
It was really sad.
92
00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:06,703
Oh, and I think
he wet his pants.
93
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,197
Anyway, I told Stephanie,
"Give him some wings."
94
00:04:09,274 --> 00:04:11,199
Sir, I-I get it.
Thank you.
95
00:04:11,276 --> 00:04:12,433
Okay. Mr. Mac?
96
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,661
Yes?
They're this way.
97
00:04:14,738 --> 00:04:16,713
Thank you.
98
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,209
Hey...
99
00:04:21,286 --> 00:04:23,461
Hey, kids.
100
00:04:23,538 --> 00:04:25,130
It's your Uncle Bernie.
101
00:04:25,206 --> 00:04:26,723
(screaming)
102
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,092
What the hell was that?
103
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,218
BERNIE: (whistling)
104
00:04:30,295 --> 00:04:32,220
Hey, little man.
105
00:04:32,297 --> 00:04:35,307
I'm so sorry, man,
about stepping on your foot.
106
00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:36,766
(clears throat)
107
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,159
Well, listen
108
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,185
you all are gonna
really love it here.
109
00:04:39,262 --> 00:04:40,486
You are.
110
00:04:40,564 --> 00:04:43,148
It's gonna feel
just like home, trust me.
111
00:04:43,224 --> 00:04:44,449
Oh, you live
in the projects?
112
00:04:44,526 --> 00:04:47,193
Oho, you're pretty funny, there,
little girl.
113
00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:49,487
Pretty funny, there.
Real nice.
114
00:04:49,564 --> 00:04:51,448
Hey, look at that.
Look at that.
115
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:53,575
Look at that big-ass doughnut.
116
00:04:53,651 --> 00:04:55,961
Anybody want a
big-ass doughnut?
117
00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:06,254
That's the best big-ass doughnut
I ever had in my life.
118
00:05:06,331 --> 00:05:08,298
Damn.
119
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:10,675
Mmm-mmm.
120
00:05:10,752 --> 00:05:12,969
You guys sure
you don't want a bite
121
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,637
of this big-ass doughnut?
122
00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:16,639
We don't feel
like eating.
123
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,017
Good. You ain't gotta eat.
124
00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:20,861
You ain't hurting me.
125
00:05:20,937 --> 00:05:22,437
I'm full.
126
00:05:22,514 --> 00:05:25,782
My stomach hurt, anyway.
127
00:05:27,185 --> 00:05:28,410
Psychology.
128
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,905
Know what I should've got?
129
00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:33,247
Damn.
130
00:05:33,325 --> 00:05:36,034
I should've got a big-ass
chocolate milk.
131
00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:37,035
(laughing)
132
00:05:37,112 --> 00:05:39,037
Uncle Bernie,
you're funny.
133
00:05:39,114 --> 00:05:41,039
BERNIE:
I'm a very funny man.
134
00:05:41,116 --> 00:05:42,832
-(coughing)
-(crying)
135
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,461
Bryana, what's wrong, baby?
What's wrong with you?
136
00:05:46,538 --> 00:05:48,838
I want a doughnut, too.
137
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,299
BERNIE:
Oh, baby,
that ain't no problem.
138
00:05:51,376 --> 00:05:52,893
Here, you can have
anything you want.
139
00:05:52,969 --> 00:05:55,595
Whatever you want, just ask
your Uncle Bernie, hear?
140
00:05:55,672 --> 00:05:57,514
Can I have a
big-ass bike?
141
00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:58,940
Watch your mouth.
142
00:06:10,112 --> 00:06:11,995
BERNIE: (whistling)
143
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:15,848
(coughing)
144
00:06:15,926 --> 00:06:17,292
BERNIE:
All right, kids...
145
00:06:17,369 --> 00:06:19,294
home, sweet, home.
146
00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:26,051
Hey! Come in, come in!
147
00:06:26,128 --> 00:06:28,420
Welcome home!
148
00:06:28,496 --> 00:06:30,255
Oh, you kids have grown.
149
00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:31,840
Hi, Aunt Wanda.
150
00:06:31,916 --> 00:06:33,650
WANDA: (laughs and coos)
151
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:36,761
Now, I know you kids
have been through a lot lately,
152
00:06:36,838 --> 00:06:40,390
and I want you to know that
we love you very much, okay?
153
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:43,476
Could you spend a day with us,
Aunt Wanda?
154
00:06:43,553 --> 00:06:48,440
Aw, Sweetness, your Aunt Wanda
would like nothing better
155
00:06:48,516 --> 00:06:50,909
than to spend tomorrow filling
her heart bowl
156
00:06:50,986 --> 00:06:52,360
with your sugar,
157
00:06:52,437 --> 00:06:54,404
but your Aunt Wanda
works for AT&T, Precious
158
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,406
and she can't just
up and miss.
159
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:57,949
They don't play that.
160
00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:59,351
Okay.
161
00:06:59,427 --> 00:07:01,578
BERNIE:
In order for us
to live as a family
162
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,955
I got to set down
a few house rules.
163
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,207
First, this is my house.
164
00:07:06,284 --> 00:07:08,793
Don't get me wrong--
this is our home,
165
00:07:08,870 --> 00:07:10,128
but this is my house.
166
00:07:10,205 --> 00:07:12,797
Mi casa is mi casa.
167
00:07:12,874 --> 00:07:13,798
JORDAN: (coughs)
168
00:07:13,875 --> 00:07:15,124
Close your mouth,
boy.
169
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:18,553
Second, in my house,
this is all my stuff,
170
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:21,473
and you are not
to touch my stuff
171
00:07:21,549 --> 00:07:23,442
without my permission.
172
00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:27,112
Let me break it down:
173
00:07:27,189 --> 00:07:29,230
Don't touch my TV,
174
00:07:29,307 --> 00:07:31,316
don't touch my DVD,
175
00:07:31,392 --> 00:07:33,368
don't touch my dual-deck VCR,
176
00:07:33,445 --> 00:07:35,278
and, most definitely
177
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,030
don't touch the remote
that works the TV,
178
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,033
the DVD and the dual-deck VCR.
179
00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:40,992
Any questions?
180
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:42,368
Can we touch...?
181
00:07:42,445 --> 00:07:43,653
No, you can't touch nothing.
182
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,238
Matter of fact,
don't even look at it.
183
00:07:45,315 --> 00:07:46,873
When you walk past it,
close your eyes.
184
00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:48,308
Come on over here.
185
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,168
I got something else
very important to show you.
186
00:07:50,245 --> 00:07:51,336
This is deep.
187
00:07:51,412 --> 00:07:52,921
(clears throat)
188
00:07:52,997 --> 00:07:54,839
Don't touch my old school.
189
00:07:54,916 --> 00:07:58,968
my new school, my slow jams,
my party jams,
190
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,645
my happy rap...
191
00:08:00,722 --> 00:08:05,683
and you better not touch
my James Brown,
192
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:09,020
or somebody's
really gonna get hurt.
193
00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,188
You understand?
194
00:08:10,265 --> 00:08:12,273
(whimpers)
195
00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:15,485
Now, y'all children,
y'all come on,
196
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,320
let's have some ice cream.
197
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:18,388
Come on.
198
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:20,949
"Bernie Mac, why you so strict?"
199
00:08:21,025 --> 00:08:22,667
Tough love is good for them.
200
00:08:22,744 --> 00:08:24,494
I don't play.
Never did play.
201
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,671
This small--never smiled
or nothing.
202
00:08:26,748 --> 00:08:28,873
Hated school
'cause they had recess.
203
00:08:28,950 --> 00:08:31,584
Teacher told me,
"Go outside, have a recess."
204
00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:33,836
I didn't go,
'cause I don't play.
205
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,889
(loud crash)
206
00:08:39,877 --> 00:08:42,220
Didn't I tell you
not to touch this, boy?
207
00:08:42,297 --> 00:08:44,889
Didn't I tell you
not to touch this, Jordan?
208
00:08:44,966 --> 00:08:46,141
Yes or no?
209
00:08:46,217 --> 00:08:47,216
JORDAN: (whimpers and cries)
210
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:48,518
Oh, man, oh, man, come on.
Don't start.
211
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,687
What did I say?
Stop that crying!
212
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,814
All I did
was ask a question, now.
213
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:54,566
Aw, no, you're not.
No, you're not.
214
00:08:54,642 --> 00:08:56,526
You wet on yourself?
215
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:59,028
Are you wetting on yourself?
216
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,705
Come here, boy!
Come here!
217
00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:03,199
-JORDAN: (wailing)
-Don't you run from me!
218
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:06,035
Come on...
Oh, man... come here!
219
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:10,090
(breathing heavily)
220
00:09:12,493 --> 00:09:14,419
I'm cool.
221
00:09:14,495 --> 00:09:17,964
Everything's cool.
222
00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:20,174
If it don't apply...
223
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,927
Let it fly.
224
00:09:23,004 --> 00:09:25,888
You know...
225
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:28,516
I'm too old.
226
00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:32,270
(TV playing)
227
00:09:32,347 --> 00:09:34,272
What?
228
00:09:34,349 --> 00:09:36,441
I need to go
to the store.
229
00:09:36,517 --> 00:09:38,818
I need to go to the Bahamas.
Got a solution?
230
00:09:38,895 --> 00:09:42,196
(laughing)
231
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,990
(clears throat)
232
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:46,326
What you need to go
to the store for, baby girl?
233
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:48,453
I need to pick up some things.
234
00:09:48,529 --> 00:09:50,213
We got things here.
235
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:54,751
No, I need to pick up some,
um... personal things.
236
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:58,138
What type of personal things
you need to...?
237
00:09:58,214 --> 00:10:00,214
Aw, no, no.
You're only thir--
238
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,133
Aw, man, no,
don't do that.
239
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:04,218
You're only
13 years old, man.
240
00:10:04,295 --> 00:10:05,470
Whoo!
241
00:10:05,546 --> 00:10:07,347
(tapping table)
242
00:10:07,423 --> 00:10:10,183
JORDAN:
I need my medicine!
243
00:10:10,259 --> 00:10:13,737
(car horn honking)
244
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:17,231
Oh... aw, Jordan,
why didn't you tell me?
245
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,484
(coughing)
246
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,152
Cover your...
cover your mouth, boy.
247
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,821
It's nasty.
248
00:10:23,898 --> 00:10:26,491
Hey! Hey!
249
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:28,493
You're Bernie Mac,
ain't you?
250
00:10:28,569 --> 00:10:29,994
Hey, brother.
How you doing?
251
00:10:30,071 --> 00:10:31,913
Aw, Bernie, man,
252
00:10:31,989 --> 00:10:33,757
I ain't ate in
two weeks, brother.
253
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,000
-Two weeks?
-Two weeks!
254
00:10:36,077 --> 00:10:36,926
Just two.
255
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,261
It's been so
long, brother,
256
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,870
I forgot what food
tastes like anymore.
257
00:10:39,948 --> 00:10:42,006
Man, you know what?
I wouldn't even
worry about it.
258
00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:43,257
No?
259
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,425
-No.
-Why not?
260
00:10:44,502 --> 00:10:45,885
'Cause it still
tastes the same.
261
00:10:45,962 --> 00:10:48,596
Aw, man!
262
00:10:48,673 --> 00:10:50,598
(yelling incoherently)
263
00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:52,975
Yeah, right.
Yeah, okay.
264
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,061
We got the fax
from his doctor in Chicago.
265
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:57,814
-Oh, good. Good.
-We have his medicines
in stock.
266
00:10:57,890 --> 00:10:59,524
-Good. Good.
-So just sign here.
267
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:00,784
Sign... right here?
268
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:02,860
Yeah. Has he had
any Proventil today?
269
00:11:02,937 --> 00:11:04,278
Pro-who?
270
00:11:04,355 --> 00:11:06,280
Proventil.
It's for his cough.
271
00:11:06,357 --> 00:11:08,700
He wasn't coughing
this morning.
272
00:11:08,776 --> 00:11:10,993
Well, what about Tilade
or Flovent?
273
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,520
No, he's cool.
274
00:11:12,597 --> 00:11:15,415
I gave him a couple of Vicks
about a half an hour ago.
275
00:11:15,491 --> 00:11:16,841
You gave him cough drops?
276
00:11:19,454 --> 00:11:21,879
Yeah. The cherry
bubble gum kind.
277
00:11:21,956 --> 00:11:23,589
No... this boy's
pre-asthmatic.
278
00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:25,383
Unless you use
a steroidal inhaler,
279
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:27,811
he's going to be
in a lot of trouble.
280
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,813
Are you the legal guardian?
281
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:32,557
Look, ma'am, I'm doing
the best I can, you know?
282
00:11:32,633 --> 00:11:35,393
Just give me
my medicine.
Please.
283
00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:37,520
The cherry
bubble gum kind.
284
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,480
You know, he like
that sweet.
285
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,332
JORDAN:
Give it back!
286
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,693
Just... ma'am, please,
can I have the
cherry bubble gum?
287
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,778
I'll be... I'll
be right back.
288
00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:48,322
JORDAN:
Give it back!
289
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,908
Give it--,
give it back!
290
00:11:50,985 --> 00:11:52,702
Look, stop, stop--
stop this arguing!
291
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:53,678
Stop it! Stop it!
292
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:54,746
She won't
give it back!
293
00:11:54,822 --> 00:11:56,164
Jordan, Jordan, Jordan...
294
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,666
Jordan, there's hundreds
of boxes of cereal on there.
295
00:11:58,743 --> 00:12:00,460
Get some Count Chocula
or something.
296
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:03,546
I don't want
Count Chocula!
297
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,757
I want mine!
298
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,383
Boy, quit being so soft here!
299
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,427
You always crying!
You got to be a man!
300
00:12:09,504 --> 00:12:12,096
I don't want
to be a man!
301
00:12:12,173 --> 00:12:13,890
I want my cereal!
302
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:15,433
Boy, you getting ready...?
303
00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:17,435
You ain't fixin' to piss
up in here?
304
00:12:17,512 --> 00:12:19,353
(wailing and shrieking)
305
00:12:19,430 --> 00:12:21,189
JORDAN: (wailing)
306
00:12:21,265 --> 00:12:22,815
Come here. Come here.
307
00:12:22,892 --> 00:12:24,609
What y'all lookin' at?
What you lookin' at?
308
00:12:24,685 --> 00:12:25,610
Watch out, now.
309
00:12:25,686 --> 00:12:26,694
Hot cold urine.
310
00:12:26,771 --> 00:12:28,738
Watch out! Watch out!
Urine!
311
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:29,906
I know you
can make it.
312
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:32,492
You can hold it, boy.
Hold it!
313
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:34,035
Ain't nothing but
a little piss.
314
00:12:34,111 --> 00:12:35,119
Lady, look out.
315
00:12:35,196 --> 00:12:36,153
Lady! Lady!
316
00:12:36,230 --> 00:12:37,914
He peed on
the film counter?
317
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,540
Urine.
318
00:12:39,617 --> 00:12:41,167
Where were you?
319
00:12:41,244 --> 00:12:42,610
I was holding
the boy.
320
00:12:42,687 --> 00:12:44,879
You held him while he peed
on somebody's family photos?
321
00:12:44,956 --> 00:12:46,798
No, they were developing
the film fast--
322
00:12:46,874 --> 00:12:49,175
What the hell you think
I was doing, Wanda?
323
00:12:49,252 --> 00:12:51,803
I was trying to get
the boy to the bathroom.
324
00:12:51,879 --> 00:12:53,346
I had his pants down.
325
00:12:53,422 --> 00:12:55,807
He ain't right.
He ain't right.
326
00:12:55,883 --> 00:12:57,975
Bernie, those kids
have been through hell.
327
00:12:58,052 --> 00:12:59,694
He probably just misses
his mama,
328
00:12:59,771 --> 00:13:01,428
and that's his way
of expressing it.
329
00:13:01,506 --> 00:13:04,398
When I was his age, babe,
I missed my daddy, too
330
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,192
but I still held
my damn bowels.
331
00:13:06,269 --> 00:13:08,086
Well, that's good.
332
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,738
You know, but at
some point, the boy
got to be a man.
333
00:13:10,815 --> 00:13:13,708
I think that point is 18,
not eight.
334
00:13:13,785 --> 00:13:17,537
Not everybody is as strong
as Bernie Mac, you know.
335
00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:20,873
Well, you got
that right.
336
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,291
Mm-hmm.
337
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,043
JORDAN:(coughing)
338
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,545
Medicine time.
339
00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,806
(coughing continues)
340
00:13:31,052 --> 00:13:33,177
I got to get used to
this, I'm telling you.
341
00:13:33,254 --> 00:13:35,263
You will. You will.
342
00:13:35,339 --> 00:13:37,598
♪ Ooh, ooh, child ♪
343
00:13:37,675 --> 00:13:40,852
♪ Things are gonnaget easier ♪
344
00:13:40,928 --> 00:13:45,031
♪ Ooh, ooh, child,things'll get brighter ♪
345
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:51,445
♪ Ooh, ooh, child,things are gonna get easier ♪
346
00:13:51,522 --> 00:13:56,117
♪ Ooh, ooh, child,things'll get brighter ♪
347
00:13:56,193 --> 00:13:58,327
(music continues)
348
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,871
♪ Someday, yeah ♪
349
00:13:59,947 --> 00:14:03,082
♪ Put it togetherand we'll get it undone ♪
350
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:08,796
♪ Someday, when you hit itmuch lighter ♪
351
00:14:08,873 --> 00:14:14,051
♪ Someday, yeah, we'llwalk in the rays of abeautiful sun ♪
352
00:14:14,128 --> 00:14:19,599
♪ Someday, when the worldis much brighter ♪
353
00:14:19,675 --> 00:14:24,729
♪ Ooh, ooh, child,things are gonna be easier ♪
354
00:14:24,805 --> 00:14:29,033
♪ Ooh, ooh, child,things'll be brighter ♪
355
00:14:30,811 --> 00:14:32,278
♪ Ooh, ooh, child ♪
356
00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:34,614
♪ Things are gonnabe easier♪
357
00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:36,958
♪ Ooh, ooh, child... ♪
358
00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:43,372
Wait, wait. He was in love with
Grace Jones.
359
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:44,540
Oh, man, come on.
360
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,758
You told me that!
361
00:14:45,835 --> 00:14:47,710
It's on you, Bernie Mac,
it's on you
362
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,503
or should I call
you Daddy Mac?
363
00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:50,504
He got babies now.
364
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:51,806
Oh, that's wrong.
365
00:14:51,883 --> 00:14:54,258
Hey, if you
needed kids, man,
366
00:14:54,335 --> 00:14:55,384
you could've asked me.
367
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,886
I got a couple
I ain't using.
368
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:58,313
And a couple
he ain't seen.
369
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:01,265
Lemme tell you something--
y'all real, real funny.
370
00:15:01,342 --> 00:15:02,475
Real funny...
371
00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:04,018
'cause you play
with a puppy,
372
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,737
you get licked
in the mouth.
373
00:15:05,813 --> 00:15:07,021
You play with a dog.
374
00:15:07,098 --> 00:15:09,231
BOTH:
You get your ass bit.
375
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:10,358
(laughter)
376
00:15:10,434 --> 00:15:12,744
(conversation fades)
377
00:15:14,605 --> 00:15:17,740
Yes?
378
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,659
Can I help you?
379
00:15:19,735 --> 00:15:22,378
(door slams)
380
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,914
(chuckling)
381
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,999
Yeah, she probably jut
didn't want to interrupt.
382
00:15:27,076 --> 00:15:28,751
That's her way of
showing you respect.
383
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,419
(laughing)
384
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,130
-Give me the phone.
-VANESSA:
What phone?
385
00:15:33,207 --> 00:15:34,256
See what I mean?
386
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:35,683
I'm not going
to knock again,
Vanessa.
387
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,636
Can you hold on, please?!
388
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:41,806
Hold on?
Vanessa!
389
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:44,809
He is trippin', okay?
I'll call you back.
390
00:15:44,885 --> 00:15:46,486
Okay, bye.
391
00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:50,048
Didn't I tell you
392
00:15:50,124 --> 00:15:51,741
don't touch nothing
without my permission?
393
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:54,276
-You didn't say the phone.
-I didn't say the phone?
394
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:58,948
You said don't touch
the TV, the VCR, the DVD,
395
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,617
your old school,
your new school
396
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,328
and your happy rap,
397
00:16:03,404 --> 00:16:05,037
but you never said
we couldn't touch the phone.
398
00:16:05,114 --> 00:16:07,373
Technically, she right...
399
00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:08,958
Technically.
400
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,117
It ain't about the phone.
401
00:16:10,195 --> 00:16:11,836
It's about the simple
things in life.
402
00:16:11,912 --> 00:16:13,796
About teaching you respect,
you understand?
403
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,214
Whatever.
404
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:16,099
"Whatever"?
405
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,800
"Whatever" ain't no answer.
406
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:20,302
How about, "Yes, sir,
Uncle Bernie"?
407
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:21,554
You hear what I said?
408
00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:22,730
You ain't none of my daddy.
409
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:23,889
I ain't none of
your what?
410
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,559
What'd you say to me?
411
00:16:26,635 --> 00:16:27,902
Let me tell you something.
412
00:16:27,979 --> 00:16:29,895
I got news for you--
I'm not trying to be your daddy.
413
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,231
-Good!
-"Good"?
414
00:16:32,308 --> 00:16:34,859
"Good"?
Can you believe this?
415
00:16:34,935 --> 00:16:37,820
Y'all keep watching.
It get worse.
416
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:41,657
"Good." Like I'm a sissy
or something... Okay.
417
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:45,369
You keep on talking to me with
that attitude, little girl--
418
00:16:45,446 --> 00:16:46,687
I may not be your daddy,
419
00:16:46,764 --> 00:16:49,123
but I'll whup your ass
just like your daddy.
420
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:53,878
And you'll go to jail
like you was my daddy, too.
421
00:16:53,954 --> 00:16:55,888
(door bangs)
422
00:16:57,708 --> 00:16:58,716
(door bangs)
423
00:16:58,793 --> 00:17:00,760
Don't come out.
424
00:17:00,837 --> 00:17:02,979
I'm gonna bust your head
till the white meat...
Come on out, Vanessa!
425
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,588
That's right, I said
426
00:17:04,665 --> 00:17:06,932
I'm gonna bust her head
till the white meat show,
427
00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:08,893
and I ain't ashamed
that I said it,
428
00:17:08,969 --> 00:17:11,863
and ain't nobody
gonna make me take it back.
429
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,067
BERNIE:
"Corporal punishment"?
430
00:17:16,143 --> 00:17:18,402
Man, I spanked the boy
on his behind in the store.
431
00:17:18,479 --> 00:17:19,461
Who told you that?
432
00:17:19,463 --> 00:17:20,413
That's not important,
Mr. Mac.
433
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:22,406
What's important...
No, no, Mr. Cooley.
434
00:17:22,483 --> 00:17:23,515
Who told you that?
435
00:17:23,593 --> 00:17:24,742
Well, the oldest girl, but...
436
00:17:24,819 --> 00:17:25,877
Vanessa?
437
00:17:25,953 --> 00:17:27,578
You can't believe
anything she says.
438
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:29,038
She's just a child, Mr. Cooley.
439
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,206
She also said
that you threatened
440
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:33,501
to "whup her
like you were her daddy."
441
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:37,213
She... She dissed me
in front of my boys, Mr. Cooley.
442
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:40,049
Now, come on,
you just don't do that.
443
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,817
Okay, did you also say you're
444
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:45,054
"going to bust her head
till the white meat shows"?
445
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,640
That's... They're my boys.
446
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,850
Mr. Mac...
Come on...
447
00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:51,894
Mr. Mac, between that
and the profanity...
448
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,345
Hold on,
hold on, hold on.
449
00:17:53,423 --> 00:17:55,281
I don't use no profanity
in front of those children.
450
00:17:55,358 --> 00:17:57,399
That's a lie--
now who told you...
451
00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,402
You didn't say,
"big-ass doughnut"?
452
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,489
Who-Who told you that?
453
00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:05,065
The littlest one,
454
00:18:05,142 --> 00:18:08,086
but the point is, I'm here
to help, not to hinder.
455
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,621
You want the kids
to live here;
456
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:12,164
I want the kids
to live here.
457
00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:14,542
You know I want the kids
to live here, Cooley.
Come on, now.
458
00:18:14,618 --> 00:18:17,428
Neither of us wants a situation.
459
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:20,556
Come on, Cooley.
460
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,675
Are you a smoker?
461
00:18:22,751 --> 00:18:24,510
Cigars--every night,
I smoke a cigar.
462
00:18:24,587 --> 00:18:26,020
But you don't...
463
00:18:26,097 --> 00:18:28,180
No, no, I smoke
in the den if I do.
464
00:18:28,257 --> 00:18:30,558
Only in the den.
My wife...
465
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,226
JORDAN: (coughing)
466
00:18:32,303 --> 00:18:33,644
In the den.
467
00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:37,439
My wife, she don't
like it, I swear.
468
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:40,943
Trying to take
my babies from me.
469
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,779
They take my babies from me,
I'm lost.
470
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:46,115
Without them, I'm nothing.
471
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:48,584
Lord, you know
I do everything you ask.
472
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:53,047
You can take the kids,
but you can't take my babies.
473
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,876
Y'all got the camera on!
474
00:18:56,952 --> 00:18:58,502
Ain't nothing sacred?
475
00:18:58,579 --> 00:19:00,179
Cut the camera off.
476
00:19:01,248 --> 00:19:04,175
BRYANA:
I'm scared.
477
00:19:04,251 --> 00:19:05,676
Bryana?
478
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:08,980
Come here, baby girl.
479
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,349
What you scared of?
480
00:19:12,426 --> 00:19:13,893
You.
481
00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:15,519
Me?
482
00:19:15,596 --> 00:19:17,104
Why are you scared of me?
483
00:19:17,181 --> 00:19:20,274
I'm sorry
I broke your record.
484
00:19:20,351 --> 00:19:23,861
You told me not to touch it,
but I touched it.
485
00:19:23,938 --> 00:19:27,489
I didn't mean to, but I did.
486
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:28,741
That's all right.
487
00:19:28,817 --> 00:19:30,492
Don't worry about it.
488
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,244
I can replace it.
489
00:19:32,321 --> 00:19:33,621
Really?
490
00:19:33,697 --> 00:19:34,788
No...
491
00:19:34,865 --> 00:19:36,632
But if you say
you're sorry,
492
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,459
that's the right thing
to do,
493
00:19:38,535 --> 00:19:40,294
and I'll forgive you,
494
00:19:40,371 --> 00:19:43,881
and I'm sorry
if I scared you, okay?
495
00:19:43,958 --> 00:19:45,549
Okay.
496
00:19:45,626 --> 00:19:47,143
I forgive you.
497
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:51,513
You forgive me?
498
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:53,974
Thank you, baby girl.
499
00:19:54,051 --> 00:19:55,893
Come on, let's get back to bed.
500
00:19:55,970 --> 00:19:57,278
Come on.
501
00:20:02,476 --> 00:20:03,901
Uncle Bernie?
502
00:20:03,978 --> 00:20:05,110
Huh?
503
00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:07,705
Are you our daddy now?
504
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,869
No, I'm still
ol' Uncle Bernie, okay?
505
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:17,048
Can I call you
Uncle Daddy?
506
00:20:18,909 --> 00:20:20,918
No.
507
00:20:20,995 --> 00:20:24,546
You keep calling me
Uncle Bernie, okay?
508
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:25,839
Okay.
509
00:20:25,916 --> 00:20:27,808
Come on.
510
00:20:30,462 --> 00:20:32,221
You see what I'm talking about?
511
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:34,223
See what I'm saying?
512
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,100
What am I supposed to do?
513
00:20:36,176 --> 00:20:37,893
Hide my feelings? Lie?
514
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,853
Come on, man, we're family.
515
00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:41,480
You and I--family.
516
00:20:41,557 --> 00:20:43,565
When I say I want to kill
those kids,
517
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:44,700
you know what I mean.
518
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,460
I don't have to explain.
519
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:49,738
Come on--Bernie Mac just say
what you want to say but can't,
520
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,073
but that's all right.
521
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,575
I'm the bad guy.
I'll be the bad guy.
522
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:54,752
See, I just...
523
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,756
I'm sorry.
524
00:21:04,955 --> 00:21:07,006
Now, that's a start.
525
00:21:07,082 --> 00:21:09,433
That's most definitely
a start.
526
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:19,059
See, America? Y'all thought
I was all wrong and everything.
527
00:21:19,136 --> 00:21:21,145
Y'all...
528
00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:22,863
I'm sorry, too.
529
00:21:24,767 --> 00:21:27,151
Sorry?
What did you do?
530
00:21:27,227 --> 00:21:29,203
You don't know?
531
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:32,031
Cut the camera off.
532
00:21:32,107 --> 00:21:33,699
Cut the camera off.
533
00:21:33,776 --> 00:21:36,627
Come here!
Come here!
534
00:21:39,156 --> 00:21:42,049
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
535
00:21:42,126 --> 00:21:43,500
Hey, look!
536
00:21:43,577 --> 00:21:45,044
Hey, hey,
how you doin'?
537
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,712
I can't believe it's you!
538
00:21:46,789 --> 00:21:47,755
Okay.
539
00:21:47,831 --> 00:21:49,640
Grandma, Grandpa!
540
00:21:51,251 --> 00:21:52,926
Do they know you?
541
00:21:53,003 --> 00:21:55,012
Grandpa,
that's Bernie Mac.
542
00:21:55,089 --> 00:21:56,889
He's so funny.
543
00:21:56,965 --> 00:21:59,516
-I remember when he said,
"I ain't scared of your..."
-Hey, hey, hey.
544
00:21:59,593 --> 00:22:02,394
Just stay tight
with your grandparents, okay?
545
00:22:02,471 --> 00:22:03,520
Oh, these kids
sure love you.
546
00:22:03,597 --> 00:22:04,971
I don't know
about that, sir.
547
00:22:05,049 --> 00:22:06,198
-Thank you very much.
Thank you.
-No, thank you.
548
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:08,868
Y'all have a good one, hear?
All right.
37864
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