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1
00:00:05,771 --> 00:00:07,371
Douglas, if you have a moment,
2
00:00:07,439 --> 00:00:10,208
I've written a letter,
and I'd like your thoughts.
3
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:11,776
I almost went to white castle.
4
00:00:11,844 --> 00:00:13,611
Yeah.
5
00:00:13,679 --> 00:00:15,479
"Dear Sir or Madam,
6
00:00:15,547 --> 00:00:18,482
"recently I purchased a tube of
your so-called soothing ointment
7
00:00:18,550 --> 00:00:20,451
"to combat a particularly
stubborn rash
8
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:23,154
"that I contracted
through no fault of my own.
9
00:00:23,222 --> 00:00:26,524
"Upon using said product, not
only did I fail to find relief
10
00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:29,127
"but the area
is now completely inflamed
11
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,761
"and periodically erupting:
12
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,430
"See photo A.
13
00:00:33,765 --> 00:00:36,201
"To remove all uncertainty
from the matter,
14
00:00:36,268 --> 00:00:38,569
"I conducted
a controlled experiment
15
00:00:38,637 --> 00:00:42,473
"using an acquaintance of mine
named Bernard: See photo B.
16
00:00:42,541 --> 00:00:44,508
"Bernard is the scrawny
fellow on the left.
17
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:50,281
"Please review this material
and advise me posthaste.
18
00:00:50,349 --> 00:00:51,983
Sincerely, A. Spooner."
19
00:00:53,385 --> 00:00:54,853
What do you think?
20
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,520
It's delightful.
21
00:00:56,588 --> 00:00:57,856
Thank you.
22
00:00:57,923 --> 00:00:59,523
You can keep those photos.
23
00:00:59,591 --> 00:01:00,925
I have better angles.
24
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,101
Ah, what the hell.
25
00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:34,025
Ah, nothing quite like changing
out of your work clothes
26
00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:37,028
and throwing on a comfy
old pair of sweats.
27
00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:39,063
Doug, you wear shorts to work,
28
00:01:39,131 --> 00:01:41,799
and you unbutton them
in the truck.
29
00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:43,801
Actually, I've been
asked not to do that.
30
00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:47,505
So, uh, how was your day?
31
00:01:47,572 --> 00:01:48,806
It was OK.
32
00:01:48,874 --> 00:01:51,042
Oh, they have me wearing
one of those headsets now
33
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,310
to talk on the phone.
34
00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:53,778
Ooh, I like those.
35
00:01:53,845 --> 00:01:55,246
Think they'll
let you take it home
36
00:01:55,314 --> 00:01:57,282
so we could, uh, you know?
37
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,519
What? Talk on the phone
without using our hands?
38
00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:04,122
No, fool around.
39
00:02:04,189 --> 00:02:06,490
I could pretend you're
Janet Jackson, or...
40
00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:09,727
A time-life operator.
41
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:12,430
And would you still be you?
42
00:02:12,497 --> 00:02:13,764
Hey, that hurts.
43
00:02:23,909 --> 00:02:25,076
Hello.
44
00:02:25,144 --> 00:02:27,178
Oh, hey, there.
45
00:02:27,246 --> 00:02:29,547
Uh, OK. Sure. Fine.
46
00:02:29,614 --> 00:02:30,949
Yeah, we'll be here.
47
00:02:31,016 --> 00:02:32,417
OK, bye.
48
00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:33,418
Who was that?
49
00:02:33,485 --> 00:02:35,353
The Sackskys from next door.
50
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:37,588
They have something important to
tell us. They're on their way over.
51
00:02:37,656 --> 00:02:38,556
What?
52
00:02:38,623 --> 00:02:41,326
No! They're
so annoying!
53
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:43,127
Why did you say
they could come over?
54
00:02:43,195 --> 00:02:44,462
What am I gonna say?
55
00:02:44,529 --> 00:02:45,930
You make something up.
56
00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:47,798
We're sleeping, we're eating,
57
00:02:47,866 --> 00:02:49,233
we're dead.
58
00:02:49,301 --> 00:02:50,435
I don't know,
59
00:02:50,502 --> 00:02:52,303
you think on your feet,
for God's sake.
60
00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:53,737
I'm sorry.
61
00:02:53,805 --> 00:02:55,906
He said, "how you doin',
champ?" And I got thrown.
62
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:58,709
What do they want?
63
00:02:58,777 --> 00:03:00,897
You... you didn't run over
anything they own, did you?
64
00:03:00,912 --> 00:03:02,046
No.
65
00:03:02,114 --> 00:03:04,415
Oh, wait a second,
do they have a cat?
66
00:03:04,483 --> 00:03:06,017
No.
67
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,419
Did you run over a cat?
68
00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:10,788
I don't think it was, no.
69
00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:12,190
All right, look, Doug,
70
00:03:12,257 --> 00:03:14,525
I do not want to get
involved with these people.
71
00:03:14,593 --> 00:03:16,560
So no matter what they suggest,
72
00:03:16,628 --> 00:03:18,396
we say no. Got it?
73
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,064
Fine. So,
what's our excuse?
74
00:03:20,132 --> 00:03:22,066
Um, I have a cold.
75
00:03:22,134 --> 00:03:24,602
You? What if they want
to do something with me?
76
00:03:24,669 --> 00:03:27,038
Excuse me, I thought of it, OK?
77
00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:29,607
I get the cold.
I'm nasal anyway.
78
00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:32,276
Go, go.
79
00:03:33,312 --> 00:03:34,379
Hi.
80
00:03:34,446 --> 00:03:35,480
Hi.
81
00:03:35,547 --> 00:03:36,780
Hey, there.
How you doing?
82
00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:39,130
Oh, I'm sorry.
I got a cold.
83
00:03:40,986 --> 00:03:42,620
Come on in.
Come on in.
84
00:03:42,687 --> 00:03:44,422
Thank you.
Have a seat.
85
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:48,393
So, what's up?
86
00:03:49,995 --> 00:03:51,129
Well,
87
00:03:51,196 --> 00:03:52,563
we have some news.
88
00:03:52,631 --> 00:03:54,565
This is kind of hard to say,
89
00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:56,767
and it'll probably be
hard to hear.
90
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:00,738
Tim and I are separating.
91
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,240
Now, it's no one's fault.
92
00:04:02,307 --> 00:04:04,342
We just have some issues
that can't be resolved.
93
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:07,611
And we just wanted to tell
the people closest to us.
94
00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,116
Oh, us. Right.
95
00:04:12,184 --> 00:04:15,019
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, no, yeah.
96
00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:16,554
Sorry.
97
00:04:16,621 --> 00:04:18,689
We'll both be staying in the
house until we can sell it,
98
00:04:18,757 --> 00:04:20,191
which could be a while.
99
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:23,061
Tim seems to have bought on
the high end of the market.
100
00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:25,396
Yes, I did.
101
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:26,764
I did that.
102
00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:30,801
Well...
103
00:04:30,869 --> 00:04:33,804
This is a lot to
take in all at once.
104
00:04:33,872 --> 00:04:35,773
Uh, if it's OK,
105
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,142
I think Doug and I need to be
alone with this right now.
106
00:04:38,210 --> 00:04:39,544
A-a-absolutely.
107
00:04:39,611 --> 00:04:40,945
Let's go.
Let's go.
108
00:04:41,012 --> 00:04:42,380
Oh, there is one more thing.
109
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,729
You see, we actually have a
time-share out in the Hamptons
110
00:04:44,749 --> 00:04:45,849
for the 3rd week in June.
111
00:04:45,917 --> 00:04:47,085
Oh, here's a brochure.
112
00:04:47,152 --> 00:04:48,286
Yeah, it's all paid for,
113
00:04:48,353 --> 00:04:49,853
but obviously
we won't be using it,
114
00:04:49,921 --> 00:04:51,589
so we'd love to give it
away to friends.
115
00:04:51,656 --> 00:04:53,491
Well, you know,
that all sounds very nice,
116
00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:55,359
but unfortunately, we
gotta throw you a no.
117
00:04:55,427 --> 00:04:56,594
You know, I'm...
118
00:04:56,661 --> 00:04:59,997
I'm actually having exploratory
surgery that week.
119
00:05:00,065 --> 00:05:02,567
We really would have loved for
you to stay in the cottage.
120
00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:03,667
Yeah.
121
00:05:03,735 --> 00:05:06,170
Well, can't do it.
Cannot do it.
122
00:05:06,238 --> 00:05:07,705
Right, hon'?
123
00:05:07,772 --> 00:05:10,208
Hmm? Oh, right.
Right, right, right.
124
00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:31,295
Hey.
125
00:05:31,363 --> 00:05:32,796
Hey, it's 8:30,
where you been?
126
00:05:32,864 --> 00:05:34,398
I stopped at the drugstore
127
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:35,966
and then swung by the, uh,
128
00:05:36,034 --> 00:05:37,235
Hamptons.
129
00:05:37,302 --> 00:05:38,503
The Hamptons?
130
00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:40,838
Yeah, where the Sackskys
have their time-share.
131
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:43,174
Doug, it is a nice house,
132
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:44,575
it's blue, with a deck,
133
00:05:44,643 --> 00:05:46,477
and those cape-coddy shutters.
134
00:05:46,545 --> 00:05:48,412
So, what are you saying, you
actually wanna do this now?
135
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,781
It's in this cute
little town called quogue.
136
00:05:51,416 --> 00:05:53,651
Quo-gue.
137
00:05:53,718 --> 00:05:55,085
Come on, honey, let's do this.
138
00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:56,554
You went on and on
the other night
139
00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:58,789
about how we shouldn't get
involved with these people.
140
00:05:58,857 --> 00:06:01,526
Doug, we are not getting
involved with these people.
141
00:06:01,593 --> 00:06:04,262
We'll be at their house,
70 Miles away,
142
00:06:04,329 --> 00:06:06,597
and they'll still be here.
143
00:06:06,665 --> 00:06:09,033
Did you work that out
on the car ride home?
144
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:11,569
Come on, let's spend
a week at the beach.
145
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:12,736
I don't want to.
146
00:06:12,804 --> 00:06:14,405
Why not?
147
00:06:14,473 --> 00:06:15,973
Carrie, I'm gigantic and I'm
fair-skinned, all right?
148
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:17,741
The beach is not
the best spot for me.
149
00:06:20,312 --> 00:06:21,745
Doug, I want a vacation.
150
00:06:21,813 --> 00:06:24,448
We never have any money
to go anywhere nice.
151
00:06:24,516 --> 00:06:28,052
Oh, OK. I guess hershey,
Pennsylvania, is not nice.
152
00:06:28,119 --> 00:06:30,288
A whole town that smells like chocolate.
Whatever.
153
00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:34,825
But, Doug, they're offering
this to us for free.
154
00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:36,494
It's like we won this.
155
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,062
Come on, come on,
come on, come on...
156
00:06:38,129 --> 00:06:39,197
aah, all right.
157
00:06:39,264 --> 00:06:41,799
Yes! Thank you, honey.
All right, call.
158
00:06:41,866 --> 00:06:43,367
Why do I have to call 'em?
159
00:06:43,435 --> 00:06:45,336
Because they like you.
You're the nice one.
160
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:47,705
Here, I will dial it for you.
161
00:06:47,772 --> 00:06:49,440
Oh, great! Thanks.
162
00:06:49,508 --> 00:06:52,228
'Cause when you make a phone call,
the dialing, that's the hard part.
163
00:06:59,851 --> 00:07:00,884
Hello?
164
00:07:00,952 --> 00:07:02,886
Uh, hi, Tim,
it's Doug Heffernan.
165
00:07:02,954 --> 00:07:05,989
Hey, Doug, hey. How's
the weather over there?
166
00:07:06,057 --> 00:07:07,825
What did he say?
What did he say?
167
00:07:07,892 --> 00:07:10,160
C-c-could you
hang on a second?
168
00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:12,062
He said, "how's
the weather over there?"
169
00:07:13,131 --> 00:07:14,198
What does that mean?
170
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:15,999
Do you want to do this?
OK, go.
171
00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:17,101
What's up, Doug?
172
00:07:17,168 --> 00:07:19,169
Uh, it's just that Carrie and I
173
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:21,805
would, uh, love to take
that time-share
174
00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:23,541
if she's still floating around.
175
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,075
What happened to your surgery?
176
00:07:25,143 --> 00:07:28,246
Huh? Oh, I... I... I
don't need it.
177
00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:30,114
Uh, the coin worked
its way out.
178
00:07:34,886 --> 00:07:38,689
Well... well, great,
then the place is yours.
179
00:07:38,757 --> 00:07:40,524
Just happy we can
keep it in the family.
180
00:07:40,592 --> 00:07:42,393
Well, great.
Thanks a lot, Tim.
181
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:45,363
Hey, you know what? I'll bring the key
and the parking permit over right now,
182
00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:47,732
then maybe we can, you know,
hang out and watch a game.
183
00:07:47,799 --> 00:07:49,967
You wanna watch a game?
184
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:52,303
Uh, just hang on a second, OK?
185
00:07:53,104 --> 00:07:54,705
Huh? Hmm-mm-mm-mm?
186
00:07:55,907 --> 00:07:57,275
He wants to drop the key off,
187
00:07:57,342 --> 00:07:59,176
and then he wants
to watch a game with me.
188
00:07:59,244 --> 00:08:00,544
So, watch!
189
00:08:00,612 --> 00:08:02,946
They're offering us their
time-share, for God's sake.
190
00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:04,515
Don't be rude.
191
00:08:06,217 --> 00:08:07,385
Uh, sure, Tim.
192
00:08:07,452 --> 00:08:09,287
On my way., great.
193
00:08:10,989 --> 00:08:13,457
Thank you.
I love you.
194
00:08:13,525 --> 00:08:14,692
Yeah, get off.
195
00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:19,797
Look at this.
196
00:08:19,864 --> 00:08:21,732
Will you look at this?
197
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,067
Hot damn, this is livin'!
198
00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:25,235
Whoo!
199
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:26,904
OK, let's get
the whole game thing going.
200
00:08:26,971 --> 00:08:28,138
What do you say, huh?
201
00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:29,940
Huh, yeah.
202
00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:31,275
Oh, by the way, here's
your, uh, parking permit.
203
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:32,843
Oh.
204
00:08:32,911 --> 00:08:34,144
OK.
205
00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:36,046
You know, I couldn't
find the key,
206
00:08:36,114 --> 00:08:38,015
but Dorothy will bring
it by tomorrow,
207
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:41,652
and I brought us
some Dutch beers.
208
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,354
You like a dark lager, do you?
209
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:46,490
Oh, anything with alcohol
would be perfect.
210
00:08:46,558 --> 00:08:47,725
I hear you.
211
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:51,061
Oh, boy. Ah...
212
00:08:51,129 --> 00:08:52,430
Click.
Yeah.
213
00:08:54,999 --> 00:08:57,034
Ah!
214
00:08:57,101 --> 00:08:58,736
You like racquetball, Doug?
215
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:00,070
Um, maybe.
216
00:09:00,905 --> 00:09:02,105
Do you?
217
00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:04,208
What do you like?
218
00:09:04,275 --> 00:09:07,778
You like, uh, a nice jog,
a hike, skeet shooting?
219
00:09:07,846 --> 00:09:09,279
What's your thing?
220
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,749
Actually, I'm... I'm between
things right now.
221
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:12,750
Ah.
222
00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:13,784
Yeah.
223
00:09:13,852 --> 00:09:15,619
Hey, mind if I flip around?
224
00:09:17,222 --> 00:09:18,622
Oh, yeah.
225
00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:20,991
Single life is gonna be good.
226
00:09:22,661 --> 00:09:24,395
I can come over here
anytime I want
227
00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:26,330
without the wifey
breathing down my neck.
228
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:28,298
Whoa...
229
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:30,968
Boy, those Olsen twins are
growing up fast, aren't they?
230
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:45,483
Hey, hi!
231
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,421
You owe me big.
232
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:52,322
Tim is very unpleasant.
233
00:09:53,324 --> 00:09:54,992
You did good, babe.
234
00:09:58,129 --> 00:09:59,864
I said you owe me big.
235
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,303
There you go.
236
00:10:17,148 --> 00:10:18,616
Oy!
237
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,554
Hi, Carrie.
Dorothy, hi.
238
00:10:23,622 --> 00:10:24,988
I didn't mean
to bother you, hon',
239
00:10:25,056 --> 00:10:27,124
I just wanted to drop by
some time-share stuff.
240
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,726
Oh, that is so sweet, thanks.
241
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,494
Oh, there are some local menus.
242
00:10:30,562 --> 00:10:32,329
Ooh, crab shack, yummy.
243
00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:34,498
Emergency numbers, oh, and
directions to the house.
244
00:10:34,566 --> 00:10:36,400
The place can be
impossible to find.
245
00:10:36,468 --> 00:10:37,902
Tell me about it.
246
00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:39,703
What?
Huh?
247
00:10:39,771 --> 00:10:43,106
Oh, anyway, um,
I guess you're all set.
248
00:10:43,174 --> 00:10:44,341
Yes, we are.
249
00:10:44,409 --> 00:10:45,776
So, is there a key or...
250
00:10:45,844 --> 00:10:48,045
oh, it's in our safe-deposit
box at the bank.
251
00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:49,747
I'll swing by tomorrow.
252
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,975
There's some stuff I have to
sneak out of there anyway.
253
00:10:54,719 --> 00:10:56,454
So... Yeah.
254
00:10:56,521 --> 00:10:58,422
Once again, uh,
thank you so much
255
00:10:58,490 --> 00:11:00,057
for letting us use your house.
256
00:11:00,124 --> 00:11:01,692
Oh, don't be silly.
257
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,026
I'm just glad
258
00:11:03,094 --> 00:11:06,196
the place won't be
sitting there empty.
259
00:11:06,264 --> 00:11:08,532
Well, I'm just heading
out to the gym, so...
260
00:11:14,038 --> 00:11:15,272
Is everything all right?
261
00:11:18,209 --> 00:11:21,011
Tim is out on a date.
262
00:11:21,079 --> 00:11:23,180
What?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
263
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:24,515
I... I'm sorry, Carrie.
264
00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:26,584
I'm sorry for dropping
all this on you.
265
00:11:26,651 --> 00:11:28,418
It's just that, I don't know,
266
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:31,021
I just feel such
a connection with you.
267
00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:33,491
D-ditto.
268
00:11:35,527 --> 00:11:37,194
A-ah.
269
00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:38,529
You're not even trying.
270
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,498
I told you I didn't
even want to do this.
271
00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:42,833
Come on. Open your mouth
wider. Let's go.
272
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,702
The problem is
your teeth are too big.
273
00:11:44,769 --> 00:11:47,805
W-w-what if
I swallow one?
274
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,339
That's a classy problem.
275
00:11:49,407 --> 00:11:50,741
Oh.
276
00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:52,342
Hey. Hey, honey, come on.
277
00:11:52,410 --> 00:11:54,712
Try it. Open your mouth.
Try to catch one.
278
00:11:54,779 --> 00:11:56,580
OK. That's mine now.
279
00:11:56,648 --> 00:11:58,482
What's the matter?
280
00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:00,417
My new best friend Dorothy
is in there
281
00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:01,919
driving me crazy.
282
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:04,421
Oh, too bad. I guess
that's the price you pay
283
00:12:04,489 --> 00:12:07,090
for falling in love
with the word, "quogue."
284
00:12:09,227 --> 00:12:10,494
Shut up.
285
00:12:11,362 --> 00:12:13,096
Hey, Richie,
286
00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:15,098
would you do me a huge favor?
287
00:12:15,166 --> 00:12:17,200
I told Dorothy that
I would bring her a beer.
288
00:12:17,268 --> 00:12:20,037
Would you bring this in to her and
be a little nice to her, huh?
289
00:12:20,104 --> 00:12:21,338
I'm busy.
290
00:12:22,273 --> 00:12:23,741
Richie, come on.
291
00:12:23,808 --> 00:12:25,876
She... she's depressed
and very needy right now,
292
00:12:25,944 --> 00:12:27,144
and I'm late for the gym.
293
00:12:27,211 --> 00:12:28,779
Just... just bring
this in to her,
294
00:12:28,847 --> 00:12:31,448
flatter her,
boost her ego, please.
295
00:12:31,516 --> 00:12:33,250
I don't wanna.
296
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,185
You want me to take this one?
297
00:12:35,253 --> 00:12:36,954
Um...
298
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:39,256
Would a simple "no, thank
you" have killed you?
299
00:12:46,431 --> 00:12:47,598
Hi.
Hi.
300
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:48,832
Here you go.
301
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,167
Oh, thanks.
302
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,838
I'm Dorothy Sacksky.
303
00:12:54,906 --> 00:12:56,574
Richie iannucci.
304
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,678
So, um,
305
00:13:00,745 --> 00:13:02,512
you have very nice...
306
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:05,549
Hair.
307
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:08,953
Thank you.
308
00:13:15,393 --> 00:13:16,694
Carrie!
309
00:13:17,562 --> 00:13:18,528
Carrie!
310
00:13:20,531 --> 00:13:23,100
Hey, um, what are you,
throwing curlers?
311
00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:24,802
Is Doug in there?
312
00:13:24,869 --> 00:13:27,972
Ah, no, he's still out
skeet shooting with Tim.
313
00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:29,707
You gotta talk
to your friend Richie.
314
00:13:29,774 --> 00:13:30,941
About?
315
00:13:31,009 --> 00:13:32,576
Well, I invited
him over last night
316
00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:34,177
to check my smoke alarms,
317
00:13:34,245 --> 00:13:36,346
and let's just say
a lot more happened.
318
00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:39,717
We made love.
319
00:13:39,784 --> 00:13:41,752
Eeh.
320
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,387
Anyway, he gave me
his phone number
321
00:13:44,455 --> 00:13:46,389
and I just tried calling him.
322
00:13:46,457 --> 00:13:47,958
Does he live in a bakery?
323
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,995
You know what?
324
00:13:51,062 --> 00:13:52,896
I think he might.
325
00:13:52,964 --> 00:13:54,665
Oh, my God,
326
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:59,269
you don't think he was just
using me as a one-night stand?
327
00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:01,071
No, no, that doesn't
sound like Richie.
328
00:14:01,139 --> 00:14:03,206
Oh, you gotta talk to him.
You gotta talk to him.
329
00:14:03,274 --> 00:14:05,909
Tell him I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have said I love you so soon.
330
00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:07,711
Oh, please tell him, Carrie.
331
00:14:07,779 --> 00:14:10,047
Dorothy, just calm down.
I will go talk to him.
332
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:11,481
Tell him...
tell him I can change.
333
00:14:11,549 --> 00:14:13,951
Tell him I can be whatever
he wants me to be.
334
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,619
Whatever he wants you to be.
335
00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:16,954
Yeah.
Got it.
336
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,488
Thank you.
337
00:14:18,556 --> 00:14:21,925
Oh, Dorothy, any luck
with that key yet?
338
00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:24,128
I can't think
about that right now.
339
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,967
All I said was flatter her.
340
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,234
I did.
341
00:14:31,302 --> 00:14:33,403
I was very complimentary
throughout.
342
00:14:36,141 --> 00:14:37,975
I'm glad you think
this is funny.
343
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,810
What were you thinking?
344
00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:41,278
I didn't mean to do it.
345
00:14:41,345 --> 00:14:42,746
I was just up on a ladder
346
00:14:42,814 --> 00:14:45,215
checking her smoke alarms,
and bam, it happened.
347
00:14:46,317 --> 00:14:47,384
What?
348
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,186
Carrie, what are you
yelling at him for?
349
00:14:49,253 --> 00:14:51,922
It's your fault. You're the one
that sent him in there with beer.
350
00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:55,659
I did not tell him
to have sex with her.
351
00:14:55,727 --> 00:14:57,294
What do you expect?
352
00:14:57,361 --> 00:15:01,065
You put a snake in a cage
with a mouse and beer,
353
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,737
you have to expect
that they'll have sex.
354
00:15:08,606 --> 00:15:10,273
Look, you don't
have to worry about it
355
00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:12,076
'cause I'm not
gonna see her again.
356
00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:15,345
Oh, but that's where
you're wrong, my friend.
357
00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:17,081
You're gonna keep
seeing her for,
358
00:15:17,148 --> 00:15:18,749
I don't know, at least a month.
359
00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:20,017
A month?
360
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,418
A month's a long time, honey.
361
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,754
Doug, he had sex with her.
362
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:27,057
The only decent thing to do after
you've had sex with somebody
363
00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:28,792
is to keep seeing them.
364
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:30,427
But not a month.
365
00:15:33,264 --> 00:15:34,798
All right, 3 weeks.
366
00:15:34,866 --> 00:15:37,334
That way, Dorothy won't feel
like she was a one-night stand.
367
00:15:37,401 --> 00:15:40,437
In fact, she'll probably
be sick of him by then.
368
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:43,040
I don't see why you
even care so much.
369
00:15:44,175 --> 00:15:45,943
I care.
370
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,978
She's my neighbor,
371
00:15:48,046 --> 00:15:51,048
my friend, she's a human being,
372
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,449
and she hasn't given me the key
373
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,818
to her beach house yet.
374
00:15:54,886 --> 00:15:57,755
Ah, so that's what
this is all about.
375
00:15:57,822 --> 00:16:00,523
You just want to get
to use their beach house.
376
00:16:00,591 --> 00:16:02,159
What, you just
figured that out now?
377
00:16:02,227 --> 00:16:05,395
You haven't noticed that I... I've been
skeet shooting a lot more than usual?
378
00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:08,132
Oh, come on, you guys.
379
00:16:08,199 --> 00:16:10,333
Help me out. I've been
working very hard this year.
380
00:16:10,401 --> 00:16:11,468
I want a tan.
381
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,771
Doug, tell him to do this.
382
00:16:13,838 --> 00:16:15,538
What's in it for me?
383
00:16:16,374 --> 00:16:17,674
Richie, go do it.
384
00:16:18,509 --> 00:16:19,576
But, moose...
385
00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:21,344
do it!
386
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:29,086
Man, this Dorothy
is wearing me out.
387
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,889
At least she finally got the top
step of her ladder carpeted.
388
00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:34,758
Hmm, fate is a funny
animal, isn't it?
389
00:16:34,826 --> 00:16:37,161
If it had been me who brought
her the beer that night,
390
00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:40,430
I'd be the exhausted
lover right now,
391
00:16:40,498 --> 00:16:43,767
instead of the lonely,
bitter man-child.
392
00:16:45,503 --> 00:16:47,171
Hey, hey, hey, Doug!
393
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:48,638
Uh, yeah.
394
00:16:48,706 --> 00:16:49,907
Yeah, Tim.
395
00:16:49,974 --> 00:16:51,408
Hey, hey, uh,
396
00:16:51,475 --> 00:16:54,111
so... so what are you doing,
you watching a game?
397
00:16:55,346 --> 00:16:57,147
Yeah, sure.
Come on over.
398
00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:59,116
Moose, what the hell
are you doing?
399
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,818
Relax. He doesn't
know you're the guy.
400
00:17:00,885 --> 00:17:02,219
I'm wearing his shirt.
401
00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:07,324
Oh, the plot thickens.
402
00:17:07,391 --> 00:17:09,059
Why are you wearing his shirt?
403
00:17:09,127 --> 00:17:12,229
'Cause Dorothy chewed the
buttons off of mine last night.
404
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:14,198
See, those could
have been my but...
405
00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:16,333
oh, forget it.
406
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,368
Try... try not to let him
see it, that's all.
407
00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:20,070
All right, all right.
If he notices,
408
00:17:20,138 --> 00:17:22,572
just tell him I went
to swatchmore, too.
409
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:23,606
Hey.
410
00:17:23,674 --> 00:17:24,842
Hey, Tim.
411
00:17:24,909 --> 00:17:26,844
Oh, so, uh, is this your posse?
412
00:17:29,147 --> 00:17:31,882
I actually like to refer to
them as my peeps, but yes.
413
00:17:33,384 --> 00:17:34,684
Hiya, Tim Sacksky.
414
00:17:34,752 --> 00:17:36,153
Hi, Spence Olchin.
415
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,921
Ooh, strong handshake there.
416
00:17:37,989 --> 00:17:38,956
You in sales?
417
00:17:39,023 --> 00:17:40,324
Yep, subway tokens.
418
00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:43,793
Uh, Tim Sacksky, how are you?
419
00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,062
Fine.
420
00:17:45,129 --> 00:17:47,497
He's gotta get
to know you first.
421
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,934
So, what have we got here,
422
00:17:51,002 --> 00:17:52,269
a, uh, sports game?
423
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:54,137
Uh, basketball playoffs, yeah.
424
00:17:54,205 --> 00:17:56,773
Oh, hey, all right!
425
00:17:56,841 --> 00:17:58,342
Oh, this is great.
426
00:17:58,409 --> 00:18:00,643
Oh, it feels so good just
to hang with the boys,
427
00:18:00,711 --> 00:18:02,545
you know, have a brewsky,
428
00:18:02,613 --> 00:18:04,348
take my mind off
the fact that my wife
429
00:18:04,415 --> 00:18:06,016
is screwing someone else!
430
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,622
Uh, haven't you been
seeing someone, Tim?
431
00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:17,895
No. No, I... I only made that
up to get her jealous.
432
00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:19,796
No, I just go to the multiplex
433
00:18:19,864 --> 00:18:22,199
and watch all those movies
with the teenagers in them.
434
00:18:23,401 --> 00:18:24,935
You should see she's all that.
435
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:28,005
It's kind of a modern-day
pygmalion story.
436
00:18:28,072 --> 00:18:32,509
She is obviously only doing
this to get back at me.
437
00:18:32,576 --> 00:18:35,312
You know what? She
doesn't even like sex.
438
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:37,680
The fact is,
439
00:18:37,748 --> 00:18:40,717
the woman is incapable
of having an orgasm.
440
00:18:45,623 --> 00:18:48,158
I mean, she has
so many hang-ups.
441
00:18:48,226 --> 00:18:50,693
I mean, there are certain
things that a man needs
442
00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:52,796
which she
flat-out won't do.
443
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,936
Oh, God, I want her back.
444
00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:02,072
I just... I just want to
hold her in my arms again
445
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:05,008
and make love to her
in the sand.
446
00:19:05,076 --> 00:19:07,577
But now there's this other guy,
447
00:19:07,645 --> 00:19:09,913
and he probably
loves her, and...
448
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,550
Oh, I'm sure that he doesn't.
449
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:17,654
Well, d... hey, did you
go to swarthmore?
450
00:19:18,456 --> 00:19:19,756
Uh, yeah.
451
00:19:19,824 --> 00:19:21,491
What class?
452
00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:22,926
Thank you.
453
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:32,936
Hey, look. Just finished
shopping for the Hamptons.
454
00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:34,037
Huh?
455
00:19:34,105 --> 00:19:36,840
And look!
456
00:19:37,842 --> 00:19:39,476
You!
457
00:19:46,550 --> 00:19:50,053
You are gonna look so
hot with tan lines.
458
00:19:51,822 --> 00:19:54,391
Yeah, well, before you
get too excited, quoggie,
459
00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:57,060
I, uh, I got some news for you.
460
00:19:57,128 --> 00:19:59,463
Tim wants to get back
together with Dorothy.
461
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,264
What? How do
you know that?
462
00:20:01,332 --> 00:20:02,432
'Cause he just told me.
463
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,933
He w-wants
to get back with her.
464
00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:06,970
He wants to make love
to her in the sand.
465
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:08,938
What? What sand?
Not our sand?
466
00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:10,773
Honey, just prepare yourself.
467
00:20:10,841 --> 00:20:13,843
They're gonna get back together, and
they're gonna want their beach house.
468
00:20:13,911 --> 00:20:15,278
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
469
00:20:15,346 --> 00:20:17,647
I am not so sure they are
getting back together.
470
00:20:17,715 --> 00:20:19,249
I mean, Dorothy's
with Richie now.
471
00:20:19,317 --> 00:20:20,417
They're very happy.
472
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:21,784
I saw them biking.
473
00:20:21,852 --> 00:20:23,453
Let it go.
474
00:20:23,521 --> 00:20:25,855
OK, she's only with him
in the sick little world
475
00:20:25,923 --> 00:20:27,324
where you're the God.
476
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,393
OK, how about this?
477
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:31,228
How about this?
478
00:20:31,295 --> 00:20:34,998
I tell Dorothy that Richie is
considering proposing marriage...
479
00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:36,900
Carrie.
480
00:20:36,967 --> 00:20:38,435
Meanwhile, the next time you
go skeet shooting with Tim,
481
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:40,737
you accidentally shoot him in the foot.
That way...
482
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:42,072
honey, honey, look at me.
483
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:43,773
It's over.
484
00:20:52,716 --> 00:20:53,883
Here you go, hon'.
485
00:20:54,585 --> 00:20:55,919
Thank you.
486
00:20:55,986 --> 00:20:57,020
Careful up here.
487
00:20:57,088 --> 00:20:59,156
This, uh, might be asbestos.
488
00:21:10,401 --> 00:21:12,001
Hey, Arthur, you got a letter.
489
00:21:13,137 --> 00:21:16,406
Oh, it's from those
ointment people.
490
00:21:16,474 --> 00:21:20,077
Let's see what those
charlatans have to say.
491
00:21:20,144 --> 00:21:22,812
"Dear Mr. Spooner, after
examining the unused portion
492
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,414
"of the ointment you returned,
493
00:21:24,482 --> 00:21:26,916
"we determined that what you
were actually using on your rash
494
00:21:26,984 --> 00:21:31,388
"was our all-weather, high-grade,
silicon window caulking.
495
00:21:32,823 --> 00:21:35,825
Please discontinue
use immediately."
496
00:21:35,893 --> 00:21:38,695
Well, that explains
the big metal applicator.
34352
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