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1
00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:10,609
Should I get that?
2
00:00:10,676 --> 00:00:12,176
No, let the machine get it.
3
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:16,147
Hello. You've reached the home
4
00:00:16,215 --> 00:00:19,884
of Doug, Carrie,
and yours truly, Arthur.
5
00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:22,787
If this is Herb,
I already left for the movie.
6
00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:25,389
Don't bring any
of those crummy sandwiches,
7
00:00:25,457 --> 00:00:27,792
'cause I got chicken.
8
00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:30,662
I'll meet you in the theater
in the front row.
9
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,632
That's right, you heard me.
The front row.
10
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:37,035
Didn't think I'd have the nugs
to stand up to you, did you?
11
00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:39,804
Well, I'm not gonna
be your whipping boy anymore!
12
00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:43,041
It's a new day, my friend,
so you better get used to it!
13
00:00:44,977 --> 00:00:47,478
Anyone else,
please leave a message.
14
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:02,127
It's 7:30 in the morning.
15
00:01:13,605 --> 00:01:15,406
What? Come on,
it's funny.
16
00:01:15,474 --> 00:01:17,275
I hate our bathroom.
17
00:01:17,342 --> 00:01:19,243
That's what you were
sitting there thinking?
18
00:01:19,311 --> 00:01:21,379
It's just so bathroomy,
you know?
19
00:01:21,446 --> 00:01:24,916
With the "blech" tile and those
horrible curtains, don't you think?
20
00:01:26,618 --> 00:01:27,786
There are curtains?
21
00:01:29,121 --> 00:01:30,454
Yes, there are curtains.
22
00:01:30,522 --> 00:01:31,856
They're peach,
and they're ugly.
23
00:01:31,924 --> 00:01:33,357
You know what?
Come look with me.
24
00:01:33,425 --> 00:01:34,559
I will show you what I mean.
25
00:01:34,626 --> 00:01:37,628
Carrie, I was just in there
for a very long time.
26
00:01:37,697 --> 00:01:39,397
I gotta get to work.
27
00:01:39,464 --> 00:01:41,032
They're sticking me with a
trainee today. I can't be late.
28
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,600
All right. Well,
maybe I'll stop off
29
00:01:42,668 --> 00:01:44,903
and look at some
new tile or paint.
30
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:47,405
What do you think of,
like, a taupe?
31
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:52,811
You can go now.
32
00:01:52,878 --> 00:01:54,179
I love you.
33
00:01:58,050 --> 00:02:00,085
Well, I got 8 months to die.
34
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:04,155
You, uh... I'm
sorry, what?
35
00:02:05,591 --> 00:02:08,593
I was at the cemetery
paying my respects
36
00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:10,028
to one of your stepmothers,
37
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:12,330
and I happened to look
at my headstone.
38
00:02:12,397 --> 00:02:13,631
You have a headstone?
39
00:02:13,699 --> 00:02:16,601
Yeah. I prepaid for it
20 years ago to save money.
40
00:02:16,668 --> 00:02:22,006
It says, "Arthur Spooner,
1926 to 19 blank blank."
41
00:02:22,074 --> 00:02:24,008
They already carved in the 19,
42
00:02:24,076 --> 00:02:27,045
so unless I die by the end
of the year, I'm screwed!
43
00:02:28,513 --> 00:02:30,681
Uh, good luck?
44
00:02:32,017 --> 00:02:33,551
You know, when I bought
the stone,
45
00:02:33,619 --> 00:02:36,654
the salesman assured me I would
be dead by the year 2000.
46
00:02:36,722 --> 00:02:39,023
You know what my mistake was?
47
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:40,959
I should have got that
in writing!
48
00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:49,000
And here's the driver's lounge.
49
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:50,368
After a hard day on the road,
50
00:02:50,435 --> 00:02:51,515
you enjoy some burnt coffee
51
00:02:51,570 --> 00:02:52,670
and sit on a metal chair,
52
00:02:52,738 --> 00:02:54,538
you know what I'm saying?
53
00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:55,573
Uh-huh.
Oh.
54
00:02:57,910 --> 00:02:59,443
Any questions so far?
55
00:02:59,511 --> 00:03:00,611
Uh-uh.
56
00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:06,151
I gotta go talk to
him for a minute.
57
00:03:06,218 --> 00:03:07,351
Uh-huh.
58
00:03:10,689 --> 00:03:11,990
Phew.
59
00:03:12,057 --> 00:03:13,591
So how's it going
with your trainee?
60
00:03:13,659 --> 00:03:15,459
Man, the fact that they
think someone like him
61
00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:18,562
could do my job
is very depressing.
62
00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:21,232
Hey, is one of you
guys Doug Heffernan?
63
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:22,400
That would be me.
64
00:03:22,467 --> 00:03:24,035
Hi. I'm Julie Patterson.
65
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,404
You're supposed
to be my trainer person.
66
00:03:28,707 --> 00:03:31,142
Hey, how are you there?
Great to meet you, Julie.
67
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,844
Uh, this is Deacon Palmer.
68
00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:33,978
How you doing?
69
00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:35,346
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
70
00:03:35,414 --> 00:03:36,934
I was just getting
my uniform together.
71
00:03:36,982 --> 00:03:38,482
Never thought green
was my color,
72
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:40,651
but I guess it is now.
73
00:03:40,719 --> 00:03:43,188
Sorry. I have some hyper "first
day" thing going on here.
74
00:03:43,255 --> 00:03:45,056
It's OK.
Settle down, Julie.
75
00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:46,424
You already got the job.
76
00:03:46,491 --> 00:03:47,625
Right.
77
00:03:47,693 --> 00:03:49,427
So you ready to saddle up
and hit the trail?
78
00:03:49,494 --> 00:03:51,529
I think so. Let me just
go grab my jacket.
79
00:03:51,596 --> 00:03:52,563
OK.
80
00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:57,768
Damn!
81
00:04:03,608 --> 00:04:05,776
So, how did I do
on that delivery?
82
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:07,946
Better, definitely better.
83
00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:11,049
Just next time you might not wanna
refer to this as the "signy thing."
84
00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:12,817
Oh, I know.
85
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:15,686
I knew it as soon
as I said it, too.
86
00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:17,121
What's it called, anyway?
87
00:04:17,189 --> 00:04:19,157
That little baby's
your dicad board.
88
00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:22,393
Take care of it, and
it'll take care of you.
89
00:04:22,461 --> 00:04:24,295
What's that stand for?
90
00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:27,999
Oh, it's your delivery
information coordination, uh...
91
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,500
It's your dicad board.
92
00:04:29,568 --> 00:04:31,936
That's all you need
to know right now, OK?
93
00:04:35,107 --> 00:04:36,374
So where did you get this?
94
00:04:36,441 --> 00:04:38,376
Oh, I don't like to brag.
95
00:04:38,443 --> 00:04:41,312
Let's just say I know my
way around a ring toss.
96
00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:42,646
Very impressive.
97
00:04:42,714 --> 00:04:43,915
Thank ya.
98
00:04:49,755 --> 00:04:51,555
So, is she "hot hot"
99
00:04:51,623 --> 00:04:53,858
or is she just
"delivery-person hot"?
100
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:56,294
"Hot hot."
101
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,396
In fact, I might even
throw in a 3rd "hot."
102
00:04:58,463 --> 00:05:01,832
Really? You mean
"hot hot hot"?
103
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,102
That would be 3.
Very good.
104
00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:07,005
All right, moose, just
bottom-line this for me.
105
00:05:07,072 --> 00:05:09,140
Is she hot enough that you
might think about her
106
00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:11,075
while you're havin' sex
with Carrie?
107
00:05:11,143 --> 00:05:12,543
I don't think about other women
108
00:05:12,611 --> 00:05:14,045
while I'm having sex
with my wife.
109
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:16,580
Oh, sure. So what
do you think about?
110
00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:20,285
I think about my marriage vows
111
00:05:20,352 --> 00:05:22,186
and the life we built together.
112
00:05:27,159 --> 00:05:29,394
Ah, funny stuff, funny stuff.
113
00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:31,396
So, how you plan
on telling Carrie
114
00:05:31,463 --> 00:05:33,131
about this little trainee?
115
00:05:33,198 --> 00:05:34,318
You think I should tell her?
116
00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:35,606
Well, yeah, you gotta tell her.
117
00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:36,901
That's a great big mistake.
118
00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:38,069
What are you talking about?
119
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,870
If he doesn't tell her,
and she finds out,
120
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,473
she'll wonder why he was keeping
it a secret in the first place.
121
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:44,575
He'll never get out
from under that.
122
00:05:44,643 --> 00:05:46,110
So what do you want him to do,
123
00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:48,346
walk into his kitchen and
say, "hey, honey, guess what?
124
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,381
My new trainee's got an
ass like a nectarine"?
125
00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:52,750
No. But he's gotta
tell her something.
126
00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:55,653
There is no way that a
guy could tell his wife
127
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,822
about a broad
that he thinks is hot
128
00:05:57,889 --> 00:06:00,891
without her knowing that
he thinks that she's hot.
129
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,626
Give me a little credit.
130
00:06:02,694 --> 00:06:04,295
I can tell Carrie about this
without it being a big deal.
131
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:05,729
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
132
00:06:05,797 --> 00:06:07,798
I'll just bring up
the topic of work casually.
133
00:06:07,866 --> 00:06:09,400
She'll ask, "oh,
how's your trainee?"
134
00:06:09,468 --> 00:06:12,103
I'll say, "she's fine",
and we'll move on.
135
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:13,771
OK, let's try it out.
I'm Carrie.
136
00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,173
OK.
137
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,075
So, uh, how's your trainee?
138
00:06:23,115 --> 00:06:24,515
S-she's fine.
139
00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:26,750
Oh, God.
140
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:00,618
Arthur?
141
00:07:02,854 --> 00:07:03,787
Yello!
142
00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:06,391
Nothin'.
143
00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:08,393
Hey.
144
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:09,560
Hey, what's with the, uh...
145
00:07:09,628 --> 00:07:10,728
Tombstone?
146
00:07:10,795 --> 00:07:12,596
My dad got into a fight
with the cemetery
147
00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:15,366
because they wouldn't change
his date of death for free.
148
00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:17,502
God bless him, he keeps busy.
149
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:21,372
So, hon'...
Yeah?
150
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,341
I had quite a day at work.
151
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,642
Oh, that's great.
152
00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:26,977
Oh, before we eat, let me
show you some paint samples.
153
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,112
What do you think?
154
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:29,514
You know, that's
the exact color
155
00:07:29,581 --> 00:07:31,449
of the coffee stirrers
we have down at work.
156
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:32,850
Who was using one
of those today?
157
00:07:32,918 --> 00:07:35,753
Oh, yes, my trainee.
158
00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:38,022
I don't know. It might
look good on a sample,
159
00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:41,059
but a whole wall might
make you wanna puke.
160
00:07:41,126 --> 00:07:43,394
Well, at least you'll be
in the right room, right?
161
00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:45,363
Puke.
Speaking of which,
162
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,198
I, uh, I almost puked
on my trainee today.
163
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:48,666
What?
164
00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:49,934
I didn't almost puke.
165
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:52,103
It was more of a burp with ham.
166
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,573
Trainees.
Gotta love 'em, huh?
167
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,008
You know, they're our future.
168
00:07:58,077 --> 00:07:59,210
So, how is your trainee?
169
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,045
Oh, sheesh...
170
00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:04,014
I got a good one.
171
00:08:04,749 --> 00:08:05,983
He's a nice guy?
172
00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:07,411
You know,
it's a funny thing. Uh...
173
00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:09,720
Wait, hang on one second.
174
00:08:10,922 --> 00:08:12,856
Hello?
175
00:08:12,924 --> 00:08:15,126
Oh, hi. This is
his daughter.
176
00:08:16,161 --> 00:08:17,795
What?
177
00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:21,365
Oh, come on. You can't ban him from
being buried in your cemetery.
178
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:24,902
But he'll be dead!
179
00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:27,638
He's not gonna bother you
when he's dead.
180
00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:30,241
All right.
181
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:32,577
I'll call you back.
OK, bye.
182
00:08:32,644 --> 00:08:34,112
Hon', I gotta go talk to dad.
183
00:08:37,349 --> 00:08:39,083
My trainee's a girl.
184
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:42,886
She's hot.
185
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,727
All right, anything up
to 70 pounds can go as is.
186
00:08:49,794 --> 00:08:51,862
Anything from 70 to 150,
you gotta throw on
187
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:54,098
a heavy package sticker.
188
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,666
Now, don't be the one
189
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:59,170
who puts a heavy package
sticker on my back.
190
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:02,106
It's been done. Ha, ha.
I'm heavy, we get it.
191
00:09:03,708 --> 00:09:05,209
Yo, Dougie?
Yeah?
192
00:09:05,277 --> 00:09:06,511
Carrie's here.
What?
193
00:09:06,578 --> 00:09:08,246
Yeah, I just saw her
in the front office
194
00:09:08,313 --> 00:09:09,780
chatting with sheehan's
secretary.
195
00:09:09,848 --> 00:09:11,449
Uh, y-you know what?
That's it for now.
196
00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:14,619
Why don't you guys go
practice punching in and out?
197
00:09:14,686 --> 00:09:16,820
What am I gonna do? I never
told her about Julie.
198
00:09:16,888 --> 00:09:18,156
Ooh!
199
00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:19,957
I tried to the other night,
but then the phone rang,
200
00:09:20,025 --> 00:09:22,560
and she left the room.
I missed my window.
201
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:24,629
Well, I told Kelly
about my trainee.
202
00:09:24,696 --> 00:09:25,996
No problem.
203
00:09:29,734 --> 00:09:31,169
Hey, you know what
I was thinkin'?
204
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,703
Maybe you should go
around the back
205
00:09:32,771 --> 00:09:34,605
and unload those
2-day packages.
206
00:09:34,673 --> 00:09:36,374
But the 2-days
aren't here yet.
207
00:09:36,441 --> 00:09:38,008
Oh, uh, well, maybe you
should go around back,
208
00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:40,978
and, you know,
start to stretch.
209
00:09:41,046 --> 00:09:43,681
Maybe I'll just get
our afternoon route schedule.
210
00:09:43,748 --> 00:09:45,516
Sure. Fine. Good. OK.
211
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:48,252
Hey, what are you doing here?
I love you.
212
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:52,657
All right, I think I've
finally picked out a color,
213
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:54,592
and before I get, like,
80 gallons of it,
214
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,027
I just wanna make sure
that you didn't hate it.
215
00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:59,863
OK, what do you think?
Misty aqua.
216
00:09:59,931 --> 00:10:01,666
Misty aqua. Yes, yes!
217
00:10:02,267 --> 00:10:03,901
Yeah!
218
00:10:03,968 --> 00:10:06,070
Really, honey? You don't
think it's too light?
219
00:10:06,137 --> 00:10:08,038
No, no, no, it's perfect.
220
00:10:08,106 --> 00:10:10,974
It gives you that
aqua feeling, only mistier.
221
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:14,412
Maybe I'll keep looking.
222
00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:16,380
Keep looking. Great,
I'll see you tonight?
223
00:10:16,448 --> 00:10:17,781
All right.
OK. I'll see you, hon.
224
00:10:17,849 --> 00:10:19,283
Hey, Doug.
Is this your wife?
225
00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:21,385
Uh, yes, yes, yes, it is.
226
00:10:21,453 --> 00:10:23,454
Isn't she a doozy?
227
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:25,656
Hi. I'm Julie,
Doug's trainee.
228
00:10:26,858 --> 00:10:29,893
Hi! I... I'm Carrie.
How you doin'?
229
00:10:29,961 --> 00:10:31,061
Fine, fine.
230
00:10:31,129 --> 00:10:32,996
So what, you guys
have not met yet?
231
00:10:33,064 --> 00:10:35,399
Have you not met before, 'cause
I... I thought I was, uh...
232
00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:37,635
no, really?
I... I must be screwy.
233
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:41,706
'Cause... well, so here I am
with my wife and my trainee,
234
00:10:41,773 --> 00:10:43,441
the... the 2 women
in my life.
235
00:10:46,111 --> 00:10:47,245
Hah!
236
00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:53,317
All right, guess
I'll get goin', hon'.
237
00:10:53,385 --> 00:10:54,985
Uh, actually, Doug,
I think it's time
238
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:56,320
to get back out on the road.
239
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:58,422
Oh, you... you're right.
I'll see you tonight.
240
00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:02,493
Doug? I... I'm coming
with you, right?
241
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:05,696
Uh, sure, I guess,
if that's what you want.
242
00:11:05,764 --> 00:11:07,632
I come with you every day.
243
00:11:07,699 --> 00:11:09,400
Listen, whatever.
244
00:11:21,946 --> 00:11:23,648
Hey, Arthur.
Uh, Carrie home?
245
00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:24,848
Not yet.
246
00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:26,350
Hey, give me a hand
here, will you?
247
00:11:26,418 --> 00:11:27,451
What are you doing?
248
00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:29,520
Uh, I'm writing my epitaph.
249
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:31,088
OK...
250
00:11:31,156 --> 00:11:32,823
Since I'm getting
a new headstone,
251
00:11:32,891 --> 00:11:35,091
I figure why not do a little
rewrite on the whole thing?
252
00:11:35,126 --> 00:11:36,394
Well, what do you got so far?
253
00:11:36,461 --> 00:11:38,262
Well, take a look.
254
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,665
"Arthur Spooner,
husband, father,
255
00:11:40,732 --> 00:11:43,100
true inventor
of the moist towelette."
256
00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,203
Touching, yet paranoid.
257
00:11:46,271 --> 00:11:47,638
I like it.
258
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,340
Yeah? How 'bout this one?
259
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:52,643
"Arthur Spooner,
your ad here."
260
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:55,413
All revenue would go
straight to you kids.
261
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,747
They both seem fine.
262
00:11:56,815 --> 00:12:00,551
No, no. Too long.
I need something snappy.
263
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:03,521
Something that'll bring 'em
in off the street.
264
00:12:03,588 --> 00:12:05,723
You got anything?
265
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:08,258
I...I don't know.
Uh, rest in peace.
266
00:12:10,061 --> 00:12:12,229
No. That's not me.
267
00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:13,631
Let's both keep at it.
268
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:16,099
I'll meet you back here
in 2 hours.
269
00:12:19,871 --> 00:12:20,904
Hey, you!
270
00:12:20,972 --> 00:12:22,005
Hello.
271
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:24,274
What's this?
272
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:28,078
Oh, seafoam, great. Yeah, much
better than that aqua mist crap.
273
00:12:28,146 --> 00:12:29,547
Doug...
274
00:12:29,614 --> 00:12:31,215
All right, my trainee's a girl.
I should've told you,
275
00:12:31,282 --> 00:12:35,185
but I didn't. I'm sorry.
Can we please move on?
276
00:12:35,253 --> 00:12:38,456
Yeah, she's a girl, and you
were afraid to tell me
277
00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:40,725
because you think she's hot.
278
00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,259
I don't think she's hot.
279
00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:44,595
Doug, please.
I know you very well.
280
00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:46,697
It's like you have a
window on your forehead,
281
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,666
and I can read your thoughts.
282
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:50,334
Right now, the 2 big ones
283
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:54,338
are "entenmann's"
and "she's hot."
284
00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:57,274
Look, I'm sorry. I just didn't
feel comfortable talking about it.
285
00:12:57,342 --> 00:12:58,676
I mean, here's
this cute trainee
286
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:00,711
driving around in the truck
all day with me,
287
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:03,313
and I wouldn't blame you if you
felt a little weird about that.
288
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:04,548
I don't.
289
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:06,650
Oh, come on, it's not
a little weird for you?
290
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:10,287
No! Doug, I mean, I know you
wouldn't fool around on me.
291
00:13:10,355 --> 00:13:12,423
Of course I wouldn't, but her.
292
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:15,158
I mean, she looks up to me.
I'm the center of her world.
293
00:13:15,226 --> 00:13:17,995
I'm the man
with the dicad board.
294
00:13:18,062 --> 00:13:21,298
Well, yes, honey, that is
quite the aphrodisiac...
295
00:13:22,934 --> 00:13:24,635
But look, I...
To be honest with you,
296
00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:26,804
I'm not worried about
women coming on to you.
297
00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:27,872
You're not.
298
00:13:27,939 --> 00:13:29,407
No.
299
00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:31,776
You're a decent guy.
300
00:13:31,843 --> 00:13:33,377
And women sense that about you.
301
00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:35,379
I mean, you send out
that "good guy" vibe.
302
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,881
You're nice.
303
00:13:36,948 --> 00:13:38,416
I am?
Yes!
304
00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:42,185
I am not nice!
305
00:13:42,253 --> 00:13:43,454
Yes, you are.
306
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:46,290
No, I'm not. I used to play
football in high school.
307
00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:48,826
I...I used to...
used to shoplift candy.
308
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,461
Carrie's talking about me
309
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:53,631
like I'm this little,
harmless round guy.
310
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,569
How dare she!
311
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,771
All right, look, I'm out of shape.
I'll give her that,
312
00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:04,007
but, hey, I got a thing
going on, don't I?
313
00:14:04,075 --> 00:14:08,078
Sort of like a raw...
You know, sexual energy?
314
00:14:08,146 --> 00:14:10,213
Yeah, absolutely. I just
wish you could turn it off
315
00:14:10,281 --> 00:14:11,949
so I could focus on my work.
316
00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:14,418
All I'm saying is someone
like Julie could be into me.
317
00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:15,853
Carrie thinks it's impossible,
318
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,555
and I'll tell you what,
it's insulting.
319
00:14:17,622 --> 00:14:20,223
You're not gonna fool around on her.
Why does this even matter?
320
00:14:20,291 --> 00:14:22,092
Because there's
a principle here.
321
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,894
I assume sleazy guys are
hitting on her all the time.
322
00:14:23,962 --> 00:14:26,764
Don't I deserve
the same respect?
323
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:28,699
Hey, what's goin' on?
324
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,067
Richie, what are
you doing here?
325
00:14:30,134 --> 00:14:34,104
I, uh, I just wanted
to send in my gas bill.
326
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:37,541
OK. That would be the post office.
We send packages.
327
00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:40,243
Oh. So, you got a box
I could put it in?
328
00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:43,313
You are so obvious.
329
00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:45,349
Come on, let me just meet her, moose.
Come on.
330
00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:47,084
I got this whole rap
worked out.
331
00:14:47,151 --> 00:14:48,886
Little bit of this,
little bit of that,
332
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:51,421
bada-bing! Who knows?
333
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:52,957
Doug, good.
You haven't left yet.
334
00:14:53,024 --> 00:14:54,358
Um, can I talk to you
for a sec?
335
00:14:54,425 --> 00:14:56,494
Yeah, sure.
Um...
336
00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:59,229
Uh, um, Julie, this
is my friend, Richie.
337
00:15:01,065 --> 00:15:02,500
How ya doin'?
338
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:05,769
Good.
339
00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:08,405
OK.
340
00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:14,578
You got game.
341
00:15:17,048 --> 00:15:19,116
Well, what's up?
342
00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:22,252
Oh, Mr. O'Boyle wants me to turn in
my union application by tomorrow.
343
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,755
Do you have, like, 10 minutes
to go over it with me?
344
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,123
Yeah, sure.
345
00:15:27,592 --> 00:15:29,226
Uh, actually, you know what?
346
00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:31,261
I...I got some stuff
I gotta do right now,
347
00:15:31,329 --> 00:15:34,331
but why don't you give me
a call home later tonight?
348
00:15:34,399 --> 00:15:35,499
Can I?
Yeah.
349
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,001
That'd be great.
350
00:15:37,068 --> 00:15:39,737
You know what? I'll be getting
in probably around 11:00.
351
00:15:39,804 --> 00:15:43,073
So, why don't you call me?
Here's my number.
352
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:44,575
Are you sure?
That late?
353
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:46,376
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I'll be up.
354
00:15:46,444 --> 00:15:48,412
The nighttime is my time.
355
00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:51,715
I am the night.
356
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,762
Doug, are you
gonna answer that?
357
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,263
Why me?
358
00:16:40,331 --> 00:16:41,632
Well, because you're wide awake
359
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,234
and the phone is
on your side of the bed.
360
00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:45,435
Why don't you answer it?
361
00:16:45,503 --> 00:16:47,771
I love the way
you say, "hello."
362
00:16:53,678 --> 00:16:54,712
Hello?
363
00:16:54,779 --> 00:16:56,080
Oh, yeah...
364
00:16:57,448 --> 00:16:59,416
Oh, yeah, hi.
Yeah, hold on.
365
00:16:59,484 --> 00:17:01,451
It's what's-her-face,
your trainee.
366
00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:04,755
Really? Calling me
at home at 11:00?
367
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:06,924
What's that about?
368
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:09,359
Yeah, Julie.
What is it?
369
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:10,628
Your union application?
370
00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:12,796
Isn't this something we
can talk about at work?
371
00:17:12,864 --> 00:17:15,933
I mean, it's after 11:00.
No. Not then either.
372
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:18,636
I spend my weekends
with my wife.
373
00:17:18,703 --> 00:17:19,870
Look, I think you and I
374
00:17:19,938 --> 00:17:21,378
need to have a talk
about boundaries.
375
00:17:21,439 --> 00:17:23,040
OK? OK. Goodbye.
376
00:17:24,542 --> 00:17:26,977
Jeez, well, what's tha...
377
00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:45,062
Excuse me, honey.
I just need to...
378
00:17:49,567 --> 00:17:52,402
You know what? I just
need to... real quick.
379
00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:55,172
I just want to see if there's
room for a vanity here.
380
00:17:55,239 --> 00:17:57,174
You know what? Can you
hold this, real quick?
381
00:17:57,241 --> 00:17:59,643
Can I please brush my teeth?
382
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,511
What's wrong with you?
383
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,717
You called me nice!
384
00:18:10,855 --> 00:18:12,489
What are you talking about?
385
00:18:12,557 --> 00:18:14,191
When we were talking
about my trainee
386
00:18:14,258 --> 00:18:16,927
and you said you weren't worried
because I'm a nice guy.
387
00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:19,429
Oh, that's what this is?
388
00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:22,900
Doug, nice is good.
Women like nice.
389
00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:25,169
Let me ask you this. Who would
you rather have sex with?
390
00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:27,137
A guy with an eye patch
who rides a motorcycle
391
00:18:27,205 --> 00:18:29,372
or a guy who's nice?
392
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,076
Well, I wouldn't want a guy
who drives a motorcycle
393
00:18:32,143 --> 00:18:34,477
and has an eye patch.
394
00:18:34,545 --> 00:18:36,513
No depth perception there.
395
00:18:37,348 --> 00:18:38,348
Come on.
396
00:18:38,416 --> 00:18:39,850
Doug, what do you
want me to say?
397
00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:41,484
That you're a little worried
398
00:18:41,552 --> 00:18:43,587
that I have a hot female trainee
with an ass like a nectarine.
399
00:18:43,654 --> 00:18:44,621
I'm sorry.
400
00:18:47,358 --> 00:18:48,792
I am worried.
401
00:18:48,860 --> 00:18:49,927
Hmm?
402
00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:52,162
Yeah. I mean, now that
I think about it,
403
00:18:52,230 --> 00:18:55,199
you're out there
alone in your truck
404
00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:57,334
with her every day.
405
00:18:57,401 --> 00:18:58,435
You know what?
406
00:18:58,502 --> 00:19:01,071
I want that little hussy
away from you.
407
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:03,207
Don't.
408
00:19:14,552 --> 00:19:15,786
Doug.
409
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,755
Oh, hi, listen,
I'm... I'm really sorry
410
00:19:17,822 --> 00:19:20,390
about that whole phone
call thing last night.
411
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,425
I'm gonna level with you.
412
00:19:22,493 --> 00:19:23,927
I like my gin.
413
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,531
Look, uh, you clearly
have some issues
414
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:29,733
you're trying to work out.
415
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:31,301
And that's cool,
416
00:19:31,369 --> 00:19:33,203
but I really
need this job, so...
417
00:19:33,271 --> 00:19:34,805
So?
418
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:37,707
So I asked supervisor O'Boyle
to assign me to another driver.
419
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,076
Ouch.
420
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:42,712
I also asked that my locker
be moved away from yours.
421
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,414
Ouch again.
422
00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:47,184
Anyway, I think
you're a great guy,
423
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:48,351
and I'll see you around.
424
00:19:48,419 --> 00:19:49,787
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
425
00:19:49,854 --> 00:19:52,722
Just so you know,
I'm not crazy, you know?
426
00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:54,457
It's just you're
an attractive woman,
427
00:19:54,525 --> 00:19:56,760
and I thought my wife
would be jealous,
428
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:59,429
and when she wasn't,
I kind of felt bad,
429
00:19:59,497 --> 00:20:02,632
I flipped out, and I tried
to make her jealous.
430
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:05,269
Anyway,
I'm... I'm sorry.
431
00:20:05,336 --> 00:20:08,238
Really? That's what
this was all about?
432
00:20:08,306 --> 00:20:09,206
Uh-huh.
433
00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:11,608
That is so cute!
434
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:14,678
Cute. Great.
435
00:20:14,745 --> 00:20:16,346
Well, I gotta go.
436
00:20:17,381 --> 00:20:18,849
Oh, um, by the way,
437
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,751
can I get your friend
Richie's phone number?
438
00:20:24,422 --> 00:20:25,555
Doug?
439
00:20:25,623 --> 00:20:26,857
Yeah.
440
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:30,393
You got a rush order pickup
at 1202 stratford.
441
00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:33,130
Oh, I'm... I'm right here.
I'll get it now.
442
00:20:41,439 --> 00:20:42,806
Carr', what are you...
443
00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:44,507
I'm your pickup.
444
00:20:44,575 --> 00:20:46,343
What?
445
00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:49,847
I want to say I was sorry
for calling you "nice."
446
00:20:49,914 --> 00:20:52,382
You're not nice.
You're bad.
447
00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:55,252
No, I'm not.
448
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,955
OK, fine.
You're not bad, but...
449
00:20:58,022 --> 00:21:01,491
I think you are
the sexiest nice guy
450
00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:03,526
in the whole wide world.
451
00:21:03,594 --> 00:21:05,929
And just because you're nice
452
00:21:05,997 --> 00:21:08,732
doesn't mean you can't
get a little nasty.
453
00:21:10,134 --> 00:21:11,468
Yazzbahh!
454
00:21:13,037 --> 00:21:15,038
Mmm-hmm.
455
00:21:15,106 --> 00:21:16,940
You mean the back
of the truck fantasy?
456
00:21:17,008 --> 00:21:18,775
That's right, tiger.
457
00:21:18,843 --> 00:21:19,877
Come on.
458
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:24,481
Whoa, that metal's cold, huh?
459
00:21:24,548 --> 00:21:27,584
Do you have a blanket or
some bubble wrap or something?
460
00:21:27,651 --> 00:21:29,552
No. I've got
a hand truck.
461
00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:31,021
Still metal, honey.
462
00:21:31,089 --> 00:21:33,090
Maybe we should just do
this tonight at home.
463
00:21:33,157 --> 00:21:36,493
Yeah, maybe. I'm
still bad, right?
464
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,028
Yes, you are.
465
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:48,638
All right. It cost me
a pretty penny,
466
00:21:48,706 --> 00:21:51,574
but this headstone business
is finally behind us.
467
00:21:51,642 --> 00:21:53,076
I hired a Mason
468
00:21:53,144 --> 00:21:55,946
to buff out the 19
and chisel in a 20.
469
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:57,847
At least I can head into
the new millennium
470
00:21:57,916 --> 00:21:59,917
without worrying
about all this.
471
00:21:59,984 --> 00:22:02,286
Ow! That's
a chest pain.
472
00:22:03,487 --> 00:22:05,455
I can't catch a break here!
33696
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