Original subtitles

This is the story of a couple madly in love.

So mad, they drove each other crazy.

- Oh, fuck you, Travis Maddox. - Fuck you!

You know, for someone who claims they're not a toxic male,

you don't do a very good job.

Oh, waah!

Another ten point loss for Travis in Abby's stupid married contest.

Aw, don't worry. You lost that contest a very long time ago.

Oh, really? Did you give yourself a ten point reduction

when you ran with your titties out on a public beach?

Or how about this morning?

Was your boyfriend surprised to see the carpets match the drapes?

Silence!

I'm sorry, Sister Bertrille.

You gonna let Mother Teresa push you around like that?

Por favor. Let's start from the beginning. Tell me how you fell in love.

Well, it all started at the Circle.

It's this underground fight club I'm a pretty big deal at.

Oh, the ego on you.

From the moment I saw her, I couldn't take my eyes off of her,

which was a mistake, because I was fighting somebody.

Then I caught her Insta-stalking me,

which was creepy, if she wasn't so adorable.

I was not Insta-stalking. Okay, maybe I was.

But he was all I could think about.

Then we went on this really romantic date and I knew she was the one.

Yeah, but I thought he was a total player.

He had a drawer full of sex toys and condoms.

So I made a bet with her,

and if I won, she'd have to be my roommate for a month, platonically.

Wall of China.

I lost the bet. And yeah, he was charming, but crazy.

And I didn't wanna date crazy.

I wanted a nice, normal guy like Parker Hayes.

Oh, God!

- Who he terrorized. - Why are you bringing that up?

- Because that's what happened. - Okay, Miss Honesty.

Why don't we talk about your morning flogging of the bishop?

- Bishop Gomez? - No, it's a euphemism.

- She was giving me a hand job. - This is not a confession.

- He's a priest! - And you're an asshole!

Anyhow, against my better judgment, I fell madly in love with him.

He even took me home to meet his brothers.

And just as everything was going great,

I get abducted by this Vegas gangster Benny

because I happen to be very good at poker.

- And then I saved her. - And then I saved him.

And then we found her stolen money,

ran away from the bad guys, and lived happily ever after.

Except we're not happily, I mean happy, which is why we're here.

Okay, um, why don't we start at "happily ever after"?

Was that your wedding night?

Uh...

- That's a little unclear. - Yeah. We were fucked up.

Okay, how about we start six days ago? When we woke up.

That might be helpful.

♪ What can I do... ♪

I never wanna leave this bed, pigeon.

♪ Oh, I love you... ♪

♪ And what can I say... ♪

Oh, baby.

Mmm.

- Yeah, babe. - Shep?

I know what you want, baby.

You want the... the magic Maddox fingers, don't you?

Ooh, tickle, tickle.

You're not Mare.

Mare has brown eyes.

- What are you guys doing? - Nothing.

- Where's Mare? - Mare?

- Yeah. - Where is Mare?

I don't know.

- Mare... Pumpkin, where are you? - What the fuck happened last night?

- What the hell happened last night? - I... I don't know. I don't know.

- Whoa. - Where did all this money come from?

- Benny. - No. This is Benny's money right here.

- I'm confused. - Oh, I think I went gambling last night.

Oh, my God, what is going on?

Oh, guys, hey, we're on TV.

Oh, my God.

- I guess you won? - Good work.

- So we all split it? - Lucky 13.

- There you go, camera. - I have no memory of that!

I don't remember that. I wonder what we sang?

- Pumpkin, you took care of me. - Yeah, 'cause I love you.

- Oh, babe. - Yeah.

- I fingered Travis. - What?

- What? - What?

What?

What?

That's not real.

- I wouldn't do that. - It looks pretty real.

Oh, shit. Guys, look... look at the screen.

That's not real.

- That's just us goofing around, right? - That's... That's funny.

Oh, shit.

- Oh, my God. - Okay. Okay, Abby.

- We got married last night? - It's okay.

- Look at me. - Oh, my God.

This probably isn't an ideal way to do this, but I love you,

I really do love you, and I wish that my family was here

to see you and me like this.

I love you...

- Oh, Abby. - That's not what we needed.

Well, hey, listen, on the bright side,

I thought that... I thought that speech was very romantic.

Hello.

Hi, this is at the front desk with a reminder that checkout was an hour ago,

so there's gonna be a surcharge of about $180,000.

- You fucking ass-clowns. - What?

- Wait, is that Benny? - Benny?

- Who's Benny? - Benny?

- No, no, no, I got this. Don't worry. - No, I got this. Benny?

What is it with your generation and the utter lack of manners?

There's no "good morning, how's your day"?

Look, I know all about the con that you and my dad and Jesse

tried to screw me over with, okay?

Yeah, that's ancient history.

This is about Travis assuming your debt by fighting against Chernobyl.

- Money that I did not get back. - I have it. I'm hanging up on you.

Well, I can see who wears the balls in this relationship.

I wanna see the two of you in my office in an hour.

And don't you even think of skipping town.

- Buh-bye. - At least let me...

Come on, pool, let's go. Fucking look at me like that. Let's go. Damn!

- He's bluffing. - Yeah.

Gun!

Get him! Get him, get him! Baby, get him!

- Good job, baby. - Get in there, man!

- I'm proud of you. - Did you just fucking kick my cousin?

- He's down. It's okay. - Something to cool down with.

- Oh, God. Oh, my God. Guys. - No, no. Guys.

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

You like that?

- You thirsty? - You thirsty? Okay. Drink up!

- There you go. - Guys?

- Almost done. - Hold on.

Guys!

Oops.

Hello?

Anyone home?

- Jerry? - Attention!

Jerry won't be joining us.

Stupid son of a bitch did that keto thing

and is now pissing kidney stones the size of leema beans.

- Lima. - Huh?

- And you are? - Chief Warrant Officer Delroy Murphy.

But my friends and enemies call me Buzz.

Hi, Buzz.

Lady Hawk and I will be flying you down to Méjico.

- That thing can't fly to Mexico. - Don't tell me my business, sweet peach.

Lady Hawk has been retrofitted and modified!

- The Millennium fucking Falcon. - Oh! Star Wars!

I'll take you down to Méjico. No passports, no questions.

The whole enchilada for ten grand.

- Wow, that's pretty... - We'll take it.

What, like we have a choice?

Here. Here's 5K now.

And then I'll give you the rest when we make it there in one piece.

- I like your style. - What about getting back?

That's not my problem, Slotty.

Okay, um, you guys have fun with, uh, Lando Calrissian and his macho...

Roger!

Whoa! This is so cool! Wireless headsets.

- Hey, Buzz, you got Spotify on this? - You want an ass-whippin'?

I'm gonna be, uh, really honest right now.

This whole, uh, Vegas gangster

combined with fleeing to Mexico got me really on edge.

So... And I'm assuming that no one has any Xanax or alcohol.

- So I'm gonna need you... - Oh, babe.

- To follow me... - My sternum.

Into whatever the fuck that thing is and send me into a dopamine coma.

Okay.

Hello, mile high club. So... Oh...

- We're gonna have so much fun. - This is fun.

- Yeah. - This is fun.

A hundred and thirty-eight thousand, seven hundred and ninety-eight dollars.

Damn!

- What you doing? - I am texting Sancho.

Who's Sancho?

He is the concierge at a luxury villa in Gatito, Mexico, that I just booked.

Sounds out of our price range.

- You just said that we have $138,000. - Yeah, but I...

- And it's my honeymoon. - Well, sure.

It's my honeymoon.

- Hey, Buzz? - Yeah?

- We're going to Gatito, Mexico. - Copy that.

- Thanks. - Happy wife, happy life.

Oh, yeah, that is... that is true.

Happy wife, happy life.

- Oh, come on. - What?

You can't tell me that you're not freaking out about this.

Travis, we're married. That means that you're stuck with me forever.

Well, I have had some reservations.

Like the fact that you're beautiful, smart,

can make us a fortune in less than an hour.

But I will never, ever find anyone like you.

Love you so much.

Rise and shine, sleepyheads.

We have arrived at your destination. Méjico.

Open the door and get some air. Take in the view. Don't jump.

The plane, the plane!

It's much smaller, my love. It's a helicopter.

If you get into trouble, you know where to find me.

I also do hostage and rescue situations.

Thanks.

Well, you're a man of your word, Buzz, so, here you go. Thank you.

Hey, honey, I think it's this way.

♪ My name is Sancho ♪

♪ And I want to welcome you ♪

♪ To Casa Suave ♪

♪ Arriba! Arriba! Arriba! Arriba! ♪

- Hola! Señor y Señora Maddox! - Gracias!

And your best friends, Mr. Shepley and Miss United States.

Oh, no, America.

My name is America.

America! Home of the brave!

- Hello, Mrs. Maddox. - Hola!

Hello, United States.

Okay, okay, okay. So much to do and so little time.

Don't touch me.

Okay, welcome! Bienvenidos!

This is the room of living.

Here, we have everything.

If you have no clothes, I will give you clothes.

Do you have ESPN?

Because the Sacramento Kings are in the NBA finals tonight,

and I've waited my whole life for this.

ESPN, yes!

Yes! SUV, DUJ.

We have everything.

Right, but do you have ESPN?

♪ I make dreams come true! ♪

Look, my friend, blondie, you don't worry.

We have it, we have it, we have it!

Come on! Come, come, come with me.

Come, come, come, come, come.

♪ Come, come, come, come, come ♪

Señor Shepley y Señorita Estados Unidos.

- ♪ That's not my name ♪ - Come, come, come.

Un momento.

Oh, he said to wait.

Yeah, that's not happening, Señora Maddox.

Who says I'm taking Señora Maddox?

I like my name. Abby Abernathy is a great name.

It has a really good flow to it.

Oh, but Travis Abernathy? You could be trendsetting.

- You wanna castrate me too? - No.

- Hey, wait! - What?

You almost just crossed the threshold.

Oh!

- It's bad luck, you know. - Oh, my God.

You know we Maddoxes have our own form of this tradition?

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

Well, this isn't too barbaric. Oh, my God.

- Horny. - Oh, my God! This is so cute.

- Yeah! - Look, look, look! It has our initials!

Wait. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. I wanna get a photo. I wanna get a photo. Okay.

- No, I want you to hold me for the photo. - Okay.

- Lift me up. - Lifting.

- Smile. - Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay. Now get one of me on the bed.

No, actually, will you hold it lower? And then will you flip it?

- You like it? - I like it, yeah.

Will you do one more flipped the other way?

- Got it. I got it, I got it. - Got it?

- Okay, do you want one on the bed? - No.

No, but it was so cute with our initials on it.

T and A. It stands for titty and ass, 'cause you got the best.

Oh!

You are such a neanderthal.

Ooo-gah. Ooo-gah.

- Ooh. - Ooh-gah?

Ooo-gah hate this pillow.

Does Ooo-gah wanna consummate this marriage?

- Ooo-gah wanna fuck. - Yeah?

Ooo-gah. Ooo-gah.

Adios!

- No, thank you. - No, thank you!

- No, gracias! - No, thank you.

Thank you. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

I don't know about you, but hearing a traditional Mexican song about a cockroach

really gets me in the mood.

Here. How about this?

Thank you. Much better.

- Where were we? - Come here.

Condoms...

Shit.

Is this the only protection we have?

- I didn't bring any. Did you? - No.

Wait a minute. We don't need protection. We're married.

Easy, Dracula.

I'm too young to be married, let alone have a kid.

- We can pull out. - No.

I have complete control over my seminal fluid emission.

That's a cliché that's caused, like, thousands of unwanted pregnancies.

We could do other things. Other things like...

this.

That's interesting.

I was thinking other things like... this.

Ooh. That's interesting.

Yeah, this is good.

This is better, actually.

- This is fun. - This is fun.

- I'm glad we're doing this. - Yeah, right? I'm glad we're doing this.

- We should really do it more often. - I agree. No, this is great.

- Those are my balls. - Mm-hmm.

- It's cool. - A little faster?

Yeah, let's go really fast right now. Let's kick this up a notch.

Are you satisfied? I'm satisfied.

- No. - Come here.

- Okay. - Okay.

Get 'em off. Get 'em off.

- We're gonna be safe, right? - Yeah.

- You're not gonna get a drop! - I promise.

- Got it? - Mm-hmm.

- Just an inch. - An inch.

- Just an inch. - An inch.

Hey!

- Yeah. - Yeah.

It's a nice inch.

- Maybe like a little... - Another inch?

A little bit more. Like another inch? Yeah, okay, another inch.

- Whoo. - Another inch.

Another inch.

Yeah, but... maybe like a...

- You're gonna have to be more clear. - Maybe just...

I don't under...

Whoa.

Oh. Whoa.

- Ah. - Whoa.

- Now, that's in. - Yeah. Ah.

That feels way better without the rubber. Yeah, like, whoa. Okay.

Oh. Oh! Whoa.

- Babe, you're blocking my escape hatch. - Oh, I'm so close.

Well, I know, but so am I. That's why this is a problem.

- Oh, goddammit! - Oh!

- Go get me a condom, like, now! - Where?

It's not like there's a CVS across the street.

I don't know. Shep. Shepley must have condoms.

Okay, fine, I'm going!

Sorpresa!

Hola!

No, no, don't touch the pillow.

Uh...

Hey, Travis. You got any con... You got any condoms on you?

'Cause I... 'Cause I ran out.

Buenas noches, Señor Maddox.

Buenas noches.

- You look like a man in love. - Thank you.

- A man's man in love. - Thanks.

- A man's man... man... - Where's my wife?

She's ready.

- Ta-da! - Wow.

- You look amazing. - Thank you.

So do you.

Your dinner is ready.

Por favor.

- Wow. Look at this. - This is beautiful.

Thank you.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

Sit. There you go.

There you go.

Very good. Very good.

Now, Pino has prepared a traditional seven-course meal

for newlyweds especially.

- Thank you. - Okay. Enjoy. Huh.

Pino?

Well, here's to us.

And happily ever after.

- I love you, pigeon. - I love you too.

So, I, uh, I made this.

- I didn't know we were doing gifts. - Yeah.

It's just a little something I made on the flight while you were sleeping.

- Travis, I love you so much. - I love you too.

- What is it? - It's a pro/con list.

- To see if we should stay married or... - Or...?

Or we get a quick annulment.

Whoopsies. What happened?

Why is it so decorated?

I thought that maybe if you saw how much effort I put into it

you would... you'd maybe like it.

I don't like it. This is like getting cancer news framed.

This is a pro/con list.

Just to help us gain some clarity, only while we're here.

And, look, I even gave us a 30-point head start because you have the biggest dick.

- Who's got a big dick? - This guy.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

That is why you are so self-confident.

I knew a powerful and successful man

who, alas, had a small dick...

I'll agree to this if you get him to stop talking about it.

Deal. Sancho, what is this?

Soup. That is soup. That is the first course. Yes.

Enjoy your meal.

I shall be back.

Yum.

Mmm. This is amazing.

You know, this reminds me of this one time when I was really young.

I think I was... I don't know, I must have been around 12 or something.

And my grandmother, she's passed, but she was so funny and wonderful.

Well, screw her.

- Screw my dead grandmother? - Oh.

- When do I get to meet her? - What? Travis, are you listening to me?

I'm sorry. I'm not feeling very well.

I do not want to ruin this moment.

I'm gonna run off and throw up.

- And I will be right back, okay? - Oh, no. Okay.

I love you.

So happy we're married!

- What's the score? - Fourth quarter just started.

- We're down by 12. - Fuck!

Yeah.

Dude, you're about to lose a thousand bucks.

Shit!

- Are you feeling better? - Uh, yeah. Feeling better.

Mmm, soup.

Oh, somebody liked the soup.

Ah. It was delicious, Sancho. I'm stuffed.

No, that is only the first course, señor.

- There are six more. - Six?

Can we bring them all out at the same time?

- Uh, sure. - That's not how it works, Travis.

- Well, I'm just trying to be efficient. - No, it's okay.

Okay, it's not a problem. I can handle this.

- Pino! - It's fine. It's fine.

- No, please. - I... No triangle.

It always works.

Pino, where are you, shithead?

- Are you okay? - Yeah. I'm fine.

- So, how's your dad? - What?

I'm sorry. I was just trying to make conversation.

I'm not feeling too good.

- Score? - We're down by two.

Yes!

- Dude, you can't miss this! - Fuck dinner, fuck dinner.

- One minute. - Yeah.

- Okay, there we go. There we go. - Whoo.

Oh, you can just leave that next to his soup. He's not feeling well.

Yeah! Ah!

- Oh! - Oh! Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God! Let's go, baby! - It's happening! It's happening!

Come here! Come here, baby! Come here!

- Whaa! - Come here.

- Dude, I can't believe it! - Fucking blow my back!

- Blow it out! - Whoa!

- Blow my back! - Okay, okay.

- Oh! Maddox special. - Maddox special.

Wait, wait, wait. I need to look sick.

Oh, yeah. You look a little too good.

- Soak me! - Okay.

Soak me!

Fucking get me!

Are you okay? How's your tummy? You look a little bit clammy.

I'm... fine.

I was, um...

The game and... How mad are you?

Well, you bailed on wedding night dinner. Minus five points.

You lied. Minus five points.

And then you insulted my dead grandmother. Minus five points.

Shit, that's a lot of points.

Knowing he had fucked up really bad,

Travis planned the happiest two days of Abby's life.

Left hand green.

Fire in the hole.

If you were smart, you'd quit.

- Yeah, but then you'd never respect me. - Who says I ever respected you?

Oh, no. Oh! No, don't. Don't you...

- Okay, you know what? - No, no, no, no, no, no!

- Why, dude? - Stop.

♪ What's a matter you, hey ♪

♪ Gotta no respect, hey ♪

♪ What a you think you do, hey ♪

♪ Why you looking so sad, hey ♪

♪ It's not so bad, hey ♪

♪ It's a nice a place ♪

♪ Ah shaddap-a you face ♪

Oh, oh, oh, oh. You're a stork. Yeah, you're an angry stork.

I... I don't know. I don't... What are you doing?

- Damn. What? - You're...

- Baby pterodactyl. - Thank you. Thank you.

How did you get that?

You're good at cards, I'm good at charades.

I'd love to just hunt one.

Have a little baby pterodactyl above the fireplace.

How about we just stick to deer? You're up.

Movie.

- American in Paris. - Yes! Winner.

- This is rigged. - How's it rigged?

She pointed to me, and it's her favorite movie.

I didn't know that was your favorite movie.

I've always planned on living in Paris.

How am I gonna pursue criminal justice living in Paris?

I don't know.

I mean, I also didn't know that we were gonna get married after three months.

Okay, new game. Um, how about Never Have I Ever?

My favorite game. I always lose, you know.

Okay, I will start. Never have I ever joined the mile high club.

- The mile high? - Sex on a plane.

Um, long time ago back when, uh, Pan Am,

I satisfied many.

- Oh, did you? - You?

Yeah, yeah, no, I... I've broken down a few lavatory doors on United myself.

No. I knew we had something in common.

- Yes, my friend. - Yeah. Yes.

I'm gonna go for a walk.

Uh-oh. I said something bad.

- What's her problem? - What's your problem?

You wanna talk about it?

Talk about what?

How we're married and we barely know each other?

- That's not true. - I mean, kind of.

I wanna move to Paris, and apparently you love having sex on airplanes.

Have you ever stopped to think maybe why I'm against an annulment?

What couple do you know that has survived one?

Hmm?

I see your point.

Look, if you're worried about Paris, screw it, let's move to Paris.

I can promise you, we'll never have a dull moment.

I have no doubt.

Speaking of which, have you ever had pool sex?

Excuse me?

Is it anything like shower sex?

It is. Only it's a lot prettier in movies.

Well, I think I'm gonna pass on anything of yours entering me

until it's wearing a raincoat.

Abby and Travis thought the worst was over,

but the worst was yet to come.

Oh!

Wow. Oh! Ooh.

- Yeah? - Throw, catch.

Throw, catch. Throw, catch.

You have such good coordination. I don't think I could do it.

Ooh. So close. Again?

Throw, catch. Throw, catch.

- Morning. - Buenos días, señor Maddox.

Those are good grapes, huh?

I guess you don't like 'em.

Órale.

- I should get back to work. - Yeah.

- It's cute, right? - Oh, it's adorable.

- Would you hunt this? - What?

- Have this up on your mantle? - What?

- That's a lot of salt, babe. - Yeah, I like salt.

Do you not know that about me?

Buenos días.

- Buenos días. - Hey.

Good morning.

- Is that all I get? - I said hi to you this morning.

Oh. Is that what that was, when you showed your cock to the worker?

Well, you were so busy juggling balls, I thought I'd show you mine.

- Can't have everything, I guess. - Yeah, guess you can't.

Hey. So what's going on? What happened this morning?

Come on, talk to me.

Well, there was this guy, and he was outside juggling.

- And I've always wanted to know how to... - Mare!

- What is wrong with everyone today? - Mare, where are you?

So, your new friend gonna join us down at the beach?

His name is Miguel, and, no, because you scared him off with your big dick.

Mare!

Hey, guys. Hey, hey. Have you seen Mare?

- Look, I know I can be possessive. - You? No.

- I just don't like when guys touch you. - Well, Travis, you have to get over that.

What if I have a male gynecologist one day?

Why would you have a male gynecologist

when there's perfectly good female gynecologists?

What about female empowerment?

Isn't that what the diversity movement's all about?

Oh, my God, I hate you right now.

Look who's not being progressive.

Mare?

Mare?

- You miss me? - Ugh.

Hey. Hey, have you guys seen a small American girl?

We don't speak English.

We're looking for our friends.

Whoo.

You must have a lot of friends.

Whee!

Uh... Uh...

Our friends are from the United States.

Are they as cute as you are?

I'm Blanca.

I'm Travis.

Are you here on vacation?

Yes - vacation.

Yes!

Are you having fun?

It's a good color, right?

- She didn't like the color before. - Oh. I didn't.

I don't speak English!

Oh, yeah. Sí, Inglés.

And this?

Watch. It gets bigger.

It took a while.

What does it mean?

Oh, yeah. It's...

Ah.

One moment...

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

- Where'd you go? - You seemed distracted.

Well, I was just trying to find out where our friends were.

I didn't ask them to take their tops off.

Oh, okay.

Look, look, look, look. It's a topless beach.

See? I don't make the rules here. Boobies, boobs, tits.

Yeah. Yeah! Travis, you know what? You're right.

Thanks. No, honestly, I wasn't trying to cause trouble or anything.

- What are you doing? - You said it was a topless beach.

- That doesn't apply to foreigners! - Oh, that is absurd.

- Photos! Portraits! - You're absurd!

Please...

- What is this, OnlyFans? Fuck off! - You're a psycho!

- Leave me alone. - Cover your titties!

Ay, caramba!

Come back, baby. I make movies.

Mare! Mare! Mare, look! Look, I'm shedding my inhibitions!

Hey, hey, hey. She's the one that took her top off.

Central!

Travis!

Hey, blondie.

It's the police! You're under arrest.

Really?

Come on, Darius. Just give me five more minutes.

- Mmm. - Look, I got a crisis on my hands.

- So just please, okay? Please. - Mmm.

What is so important that you need me on a Sunday?

What do you mean?

Her stripper name is Pocahontas.

She needs to wear the headdress.

I have had enough of this culturally inappropriate woke shit. The last...

What did I tell you about sneaking up on me?

Sorry, sir. Sorry. Sorry, sir.

I'll call you back.

Oh, my... I guess this is their way of staying under the radar.

Ass-hats.

Gatito? I know this place.

Darius and I fell in love down here.

Call Vince, take a couple of guys down there,

and go get me my money and a couple of fingers.

- Fingers? - Yeah, fingers.

No, no, forget it. I'm gonna take care of this myself.

What time's the next flight?

Darius!

Darius! Dari...

So... I posted your bail.

But since you don't have passports,

you're gonna have to wait.

Thank you, guys, for bailing us out and being so nice.

I'm just sorry my husband is so rude.

Well, I wouldn't have to be so rude if my wife would just respect some of my...

Rules? Are you gonna house-break me too?

I was gonna say "requests," like when we're on our honeymoon

surrounded by a few hundred horny spring-break TikTok obsessed douchebags,

- maybe don't show your tit... - Oh, do not say the T word.

If you say the T word, I am jumping out of this car, Travis,

and out of your life, I mean it.

That's a bullshit way to end an argument, Abby.

- I don't care. - Then don't show your titties!

- Titties, titties, titties, titties! - Oh, fuck you, Travis Maddox.

- Fuck you! - Titties, titties!

- Abby, get back here. - No, no, wait, wait. Señor Travis. No.

- Take your hands off me. - Miguel can take care of her.

She's my wife. She just has a bad habit of running away.

Yes, because she is running from you.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just... I'm just looking for my ride.

I was just looking for a friend of mine.

Angel! Why do you bring your family such shame?

Go home! All of you, now!

- Are you okay? - Yeah. Yeah, that was...

I could really use a drink.

Thank you.

Hey. If you could at least text me to let me know you're alive,

that would be much fucking appreciated!

- Jesus. Is that the way you talk to her? - What the fuck do you want?

What the fuck do I...

Let me be clear. I think you're being an asshole.

And I think that getting married at 19 is the dumbest shit in the world.

But all I care about right now is my best friend, and she's in love with you.

Yeah, I love her too.

- What's the problem? - The problem is you're suffocating her!

You're suffocating her, and she has a bad habit of disappearing,

and I don't want that to happen to either of us.

Buenas noches, Miguel.

Well, aren't you super popular?

- Hola, Miguel. - Hola.

That wasn't always the case.

I find that so hard to believe.

You're way too nice.

What's your back story?

Tell me.

Okay. Um... Well, I'm part Maldive, part Samoan.

- Okay. - My family moved here when I was a kid.

- Okay. - They were actually pretty wealthy.

You know, the house that you stay at used to be our home.

What happened?

The government took it when my father was killed.

- Miguel, I... - No, don't shed any tears for him.

He wasn't a good guy.

When he was killed, my mom and I had to restart.

I was just a very angry kid, like Angel.

And then one day, I got the calling.

The calling?

Oh. Oh, you mean like "the" calling.

- So you're a... - Priest. In training.

I did not see that coming. Wow.

Tell me, Abby, have you ever...

I mean, I believe, but I don't practice or anything like that.

Well, there's a first time for everything.

- No. No, I still got my beer. - Jesus, we've got another!

I'm not that bad!

Have we ever talked like this?

Yeah. There was that one time in the laundry room.

Yeah, you know.

You know asked me if I had any soap, and I said that I needed to get some.

That was nice.

Yeah, it's funny. You...

You don't get to pick the people who your boyfriend hangs out with.

- I never would have picked you. - I wouldn't have picked you either.

How long have you known her?

A long time.

That's pretty cute.

You know that kid who does all these great things

and her parents never show up for anything?

That was Abby.

It's frustrating to watch.

But, Travis, she is not your problem to solve.

Okay? You just have to give her time.

I mean, she's had no stability in her life,

and you are like this... egomaniac emblem of hyper-masculinity,

semi-toxic, who I actually hope is, you know, extinct.

- Whoa, whoa. Where'd that come from? - Oh, I'm just teasing you.

- Jesus! - What the hell?

Uh...

Hey, guys.

- Are you okay? - Yeah. No, I'm...

Yeah, I was... Uh, yeah, I was just stargazing at... at, uh, Copernicus and...

Telescope's over there, bro.

Oh, they have one of those over there?

- Were you spying on us? - No, no, I would never do that, okay?

I'm... I was, uh... I was getting coconuts.

Your favorite.

Babe. Hey, where you going?

Babe!

Whoa! Whoa, you feel that?

Whoa, you feel that? It's an earthquake, babe!

She... She's gone, buddy.

- Whoa, Mommy! - You aced it.

Thanks for everything today, and for making sure I got home safe.

Look, I know you have a lot on your mind,

and Travis has a... interesting way of expressing himself.

But something tells me that this marriage is worth fighting for.

And I know I'm not ordained yet,

but if you and Travis ever wanna talk anything through, I'm here to listen.

And I won't splash you with holy water or anything.

- Thanks. - Bye.

Bye.

- Hi. - Hi.

It's the first time we've been in sync for a while.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I've been such a dick.

I mean, you haven't. It's...

I really have.

We know I have.

You have.

Well, thank you. I appreciate that. It...

Look, I mean, I have a really bad habit of running away from my problems.

- You do. - I do.

And I really don't wanna run away from you.

Maybe we just need a little bit of a break.

Our whole relationship has just been this crazy pressure cooker,

and neither of us have been able to go off and have any fun or blow off any steam.

I have fun with you.

I know, but I... I meant independently.

Yeah.

I have always wanted a bachelor party.

Okay.

Let's do it. I mean, there's no time like the present.

I like your thinking, Abby.

Hey, bro, get all the boys together and come down to Mexico.

Oh, by the way, we got married.

Abby, dipshit.

Always ready for a good time, the Maddox brothers flew down to Gatito.

Yeah, Dad, yeah. Talk soon.

- What'd he say? - That I'm in charge.

And to make sure you don't do anything stupid.

It says that El Jefe had kilos of cocaine

that was eaten by a clowder of hairless Mexican cats.

I swear, if you ruin Travis's bachelor party

with a cocaine cat scavenger hunt,

I will sell you to a local cartel and they will use you as a drug mule.

Ow!

No, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I can say it.

There's a first-class ticket waiting for you at Delta. I booked us a suite.

I just gotta get this money and a couple of fingers, and then it's just us.

There will be no talk of work, I swear, just massages and margaritas.

Oh, Darius, just come down, please. Call me back.

Don't you ever, ever do that again, you...

Hey. Oh, hey, babe. Hey, how are you? Where were you last night?

- Why'd you spy on me? - Spy? What are you talking about?

- What are you talking about? - So everything's fine.

Yes, everything's fine, so there's nothing to talk about.

Oh! Ah!

Oh, that hurt. Oh... Babe!

- Why did you do that? - Hey! You holding out on us, cuz?

- Hey, guys. Welcome to Mexico. - Keeping the riches to yourself, huh?

- Yeah, you're a fucking dead man, right? - What?

- This place have a bidet? - Fucking nerd.

What? It was a long flight. They're completely normal in Europe. No!

Don't chuck me in the ocean!

- Hey, buddy. - Hi.

- Hey, hey, guys. - Change of plans.

So, the girls' spa treatment is now in the afternoon,

so they're going to the beach with us.

- Will you teach me how to play football? - Hey, Shep, think fast.

- Heads up, buddy. - Touchdown!

♪ Call me good Call me bad ♪

♪ Call me anything you want to, baby ♪

♪ But I know that you're sad ♪

♪ And I know I'll make you happy with the one thing that you never had ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man ♪

♪ Don't you know that ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man ♪

♪ You bet! If you're gonna do it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ If you're gonna do it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ If you're gonna do it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ If you're gonna do it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ So good You're divine ♪

♪ Wanna take you, wanna make you But they tell me it's a crime ♪

♪ Oh, everybody knows where the good people go ♪

♪ But where we're going, baby Ain't no such word as no ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man ♪

♪ Don't you know who I am ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man ♪

♪ You know You bet ♪

♪ If you're gonna do it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ If you're gonna do it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ I'll be your man I'll be the one who understands ♪

♪ I'll be your first, I'll be your last I'll be the only one you ask ♪

♪ I'll be your friend, I'll be your toy I'll be the one who brings you joy ♪

♪ I'll be your hope, I'll be your pearl ♪

♪ I'll take you halfway round the world ♪

♪ I'll make you rich I'll make you poor ♪

♪ Just don't use the door If you're gonna do it, do it right ♪

Hey. Okay, babe, what's going on? Seriously, you're acting so weird.

I mean, you literally built a wall between us.

Okay, you...

You know when you're driving down the highway

and a really great song comes on, and you get really into the song

and then you miss your exit and then...

Okay, wait, wait. Am I the song or the highway?

No, just... I feel like I'm learning all of these things about you.

Good, good, good.

You should be, you know, learning things about me,

and me learning things about you, yeah.

Yeah, no, definitely. Then I find out that you hunt.

- I hunt. Yeah, I'm not hiding it. - No, you're not listening to me.

- You're not listening to me. - Okay, maybe I shouldn't have even tried.

Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have.

And so the boys and girls went their separate ways.

The girls went off to a relaxing spa,

and the boys, well...

Let's go! Let's go!

More, more! Don't be a bitch! Come on.

Ah, what the fuck!

- Come on, let's go. Let's go, bitch! - Shut up, bitch. Shut up!

- Jeez, my skin feels like silk. - We should try that seaweed wrap next.

Ooh, I would love to do a seaweed wrap. I've always wanted to.

Yeah.

Okay, well, at least come with us to dinner.

No, nobody's going to bother you.

You know what? Okay, do whatever you want.

But tomorrow we are going sailing.

- I'm sorry about that. - No, you're fine.

- Sounds like you need some relaxation. - What brings you girls down here?

- Honeymoon. - Oh!

I once had a one-night stand with my doula.

- Oh, n... No, no, no. It's not, no. - No, not us, not us.

Not that they're, no. Great for you, though. No, but...

- We don't have a problem with that. - No, it's great.

- We love that. We support that. - It's her honeymoon. It's not...

Yeah. It's our bachelor and bachelorette parties.

- We're doing it kind of backwards. - Well, where's the rest of your party?

- Yeah, you're looking at it. - Yeah.

Well, is that what you wanted?

Well... no.

Oh, okay. It's what he wanted. Okay.

Yeah, I guess I'm just trying to make him happy.

Oh, God. Oh, no, I heard it. That was awful.

- I know. - Hey, hey, hey, you.

- Put that down. - Hey, I can't, I can't.

- Put it down. - Hey, you need to behave.

Oh. Are you gonna teach me?

Ow!

- Oh, my God, you're my hero. - Pour yourselves a drink, girls.

Okay.

Can I be frank?

- Please. - Please.

This marriage is starting off on the wrong foot.

This is not about his needs. It's about your needs.

Now, I lead women's retreats throughout the year,

and it's mostly Fortune 500,

but I also cater to the homemaker and poor people like yourself.

Oh.

Because as much as you would like to deny it, girls,

you cannot disrespect or demean the power of the pussy.

Drink your drink.

- Drink it. It's expensive. - Oh.

Ladies, these two will be joining us.

I have some calls to make,

but Fernando knows where to take you, so run along.

I'll see you later.

We don't see this in the States.

Yeah. That's because it's illegal.

My son!

My son!

My son!

You okay, Shep?

Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I, uh... Just fuck. The allergy season, right?

After massages and muchas margaritas,

the girls chose to take their bachelorette party to the streets

in search of more fun.

♪ Welcome to the festival The festival de lucha ♪

Can you tell me where the lucha is?

Your tent over yonder, my fair wench.

- Hey, excuse me, Shakespeare. - Ow.

I don't really like that you called me a wench.

And the winner is GEK the GEK!

Okay, the next event,

the next fight,

with public participation.

Here's the fabulous, the only...

Thumbelina!

- Thumbelina! - ♪ My name is Thumbelina ♪

- ♪ I'm three feet tall... ♪ - Oh, my God, she's so cute.

Hey, what is he saying?

He wants to know if anyone'll fight Thumbelina.

What? No, she's like a delicate little flower.

These people can't fight her. I'll do it! I will do it.

- It's gonna be fine. I'll be fine. - No, no, no.

- We have a challenger. - I'll do it.

This is a terrible idea. Ah!

Hi. Hi.

- Hi. - Aw, I'm Abby.

- Aw! - I told you it was gonna be fine.

She's cute.

Okay, so, uh... so do I get a costume?

She wants a costume!

Sure, sure. Come on.

Oh, you're good. You're good, Shep. You're good.

It's just a stupid, stupid little chicken, okay?

Okay, okay.

All right. Get it together. Get it together. Get...

My favorite rooster!

No, no, no.

No!

Look at his little feet.

Where's the humanity?

You people are sick! You did this!

You did this to your child! How do you feel about that?

He's an animal of love.

This is sick fuck.

Not on my watch.

You.

And now from the United States, Abby Abernathy!

- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

Listen very carefully to the rules, all right?

- Okay. - There are no rules.

Go!

Meow.

A cat.

- Ow! - Oh, my... Jesus.

- You bitch! - Ow!

- What's happening? - Come here!

- Oh, God. - Okay. Truce?

- Will you tell me that's not Abby? - It's definitely Abby.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

Oh, God. Oh, hi, honey.

- Okay. - What happened to mani-pedis?

I could really use your advice right now.

Okay, okay, um... Well, she's favoring her right knee.

- Go for her knee. - No, that's so mean.

It's really mean, but it might save your life.

Sorpresa!

Don't listen to her. She's trying to get in your head. Look at me.

Okay, okay.

What's happening, English-speaking woman?

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

Your boyfriend is very handsome.

- She's trying to fuck you. - I... I don't know. I'm gonna go.

- Listen here... - Hasta la vista, fatty!

Fatty?

- I think you dropped something. - Huh?

- My leg! - Yeah!

That's what you get for trying to fuck my husband!

Yeah. Oh, some Mario shit.

Slam her! Yes! I don't know what's legal. Do whatever.

Just do it!

Mama!

My tiny leg!

- I am immensely turned on by you. - Uncle! Uncle!

- Yeah! - Yes!

I can't believe you did it. You were awesome! You won!

All right, baby. Have fun at your bachelor party!

All right! I love you! Have fun!

♪ There's a cabin in the town In the town ♪

♪ Where my sweet love sits me down Sits me down ♪

♪ And drinks her wine as merry as can be ♪

♪ Never, never thinks of me ♪

Whoa. Looks like the power's out again.

Sorpresa!

What's with all the eye candy? I'm married.

- You are. - But we're not.

Don't get any cute ideas. Abby's our sister now.

Yeah. I'll have to agree with him on that one.

I mean, I love him. That's gotta be worth something, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

- I don't know what love is anymore. - Uh-oh.

Have you eaten anything today?

I'm full...

of rage!

Here's the thing, girls. I got married too fucking young.

It didn't work out, you know? What are you gonna fucking do?

What do you mean, what am I gonna fucking do? I'm already...

Oh, look, I'm peeing.

- I'm never getting married. - Listen.

The stats are not in your favor, okay?

And by the way, hey, listen.

Hey, it's not like you came into any assets or anything, right? So...

And there are no kids involved. So, you got that.

I'm gonna have a baby on my own. Millicent.

Just buy one. They're more grateful.

Okay. Shit.

Okay, I got you... I got you food. Oh, oh.

This looks so good, guys.

All right.

Mmm! You're free now, yeah.

Ooh, you hungry? Yeah. Ooh!

Bon appétit.

Mmm! Yeah, come on.

What? The food's over here. Here you go. Yeah, you can eat.

No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.

Cease!

Para! Para! Para!

Para! Stop! Stop! Para! Para! Para!

Guys, just be friends, just be friends!

No! No! No!

I'm an exchange student!

Help me!

- Oh! - I got you!

- I got you. - You got me.

- I love you so much. - Okay, come on, let's go.

- You're such a good friend. - I know. I love you very much.

- Who needs Shep? Here we go. - No one needs him. I love you.

- Here we go. Where's the waterbed? - Okay, okay. No, it's not a waterbed.

You know, lady, I love you too. I think we're good together.

No. I... I just need to know if Darius made his flight.

What are you looking at? I don't give a fuck about Abby anymore.

I just want Darius.

What do you mean, he cashed his ticket in? No, no, no!

Those are my miles! That's my money!

I work my whole fucking life to build a nest egg of money and love.

And what's the point if you keep losing the nest egg and the love?

Help me!

Oh!

Oh, no, no, no. No!

Hi, Shepley, baby. It's Mom.

- I'm at hospice with Granny. - Mommy, yes, it's me!

We're about to pull the plug and she wanted to say goodbye.

- No, Grandma! - Where are you?

No, Grandma!

Shepley, it's Granny. I just wanted to tell you I...

No!

No! Goodbye, Granny!

No, I don't like those. I like Pino. Pino!

Guys! Oh, they'll never believe me.

Guess who?

Remember us?

Raar.

You learn English fast.

I learn a lot of things fast.

Isn't this your bachelor party?

Whoo. It sure is my bachelor party.

So, don't you wanna have some fun?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Let's have fun!

Okay. You know, um, I thought I was having enough fun already.

You know what we mean.

Whoo!

We'll make it hard.

Away from Blondie.

You mean Abby, my wife.

Come on. We won't tell.

I gotta go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Naughty, naughty.

Thank you for letting us stay on the cot.

Yeah, well, okay, ladies, it's been real.

Good luck with your life, your marriage.

And if you were a gambler,

I would tell you that the odds are not in your favor and to fold.

Wait, I have to pee. Is this a bathroom?

Yeah. But no, no, no, no. Don't... Don't go there.

That's Parker's room. Just go in the pond.

Parker?

My son, the doctor that we were talking about.

- What's your last name? - Hayes.

Hayes.

Parker Hayes.

Doctor.

Hey, Parker!

Dr. Hayes.

Parker Hayes?

Parker!

Mare! Mare, we gotta go!

Ugh.

Travis.

Naughty, naughty.

Travis? Travis, come and get me.

Travis!

- Asshole! - You like that?

- Fine. Two can play at that. - Oh, Travis, you're so good.

Okay, Parker. Okay, I'm just...

Shit. Okay, go. Wait. Okay.

Ow!

Ow.

Okay. Hi, Parker. Hi. Hi, you old nice, boring man.

Okay, we're gonna take a photo.

Shit. What?

Good. Okay.

No! What are you doing? Don't...

Shh, shh, shh. Shh. Shh.

Goddammit!

How are you sleeping? Roll over!

God, you're fucking pointless. Roll over.

One.

Two.

Oh, oh, come on!

Come on. Ow! No!

What the hell happened in here?

Is that me?

So mean.

I am sorry, señor. There is no one here by that name.

Or the other girls. Have you tried calling the police?

Yeah, I don't think we're there yet. Thank you, though.

Okay.

Mmm?

- Who the fuck are you? - It's me! It's me!

- It's Abby! It's me! - Abby? What are you doing here?

- I was just trying to take a selfie. - A selfie? Fucking psycho.

Abby?

- Oh, God. He's gonna kill you. - Abby, open up!

There's nobody here by that name, so piss off!

- Shh! - Oh, my God! You fucked Parker!

What are you doing here?

Nothing happened! Nothing happened!

It's a madhouse!

Well? How's that for your first time, Miguel?

Ain't she something else? Found her in bed with her ex on our honeymoon.

It was really stupid.

I was drunk and trying to get a selfie to make him jealous.

The only reason I did it is because

I went to FaceTime Travis last night and this is what I saw.

I...

Abby, I had nothing to do with this.

You have to believe me.

I do.

I do. When I sobered up this morning and I had a second to think,

I figured that, I don't know,

that some girls must have taken your phone or something.

And that's the truth.

Right. I believe you.

You guys, there's... there's hope in this.

Except that doesn't really go both ways in our relationship now, does it?

Well... it's not really like you gave me a fighting chance

with your marriage annulment contest.

You set me up to fail.

Miguel, I know that you said that there's something in Travis and I

that's worth fighting for,

but, you know, I don't really think I have any fight left.

- Then neither do I. - I...

Travis...

- Abby, Psalm 51 says create a... - Save it. I'm done.

My mom knows someone

who can get us on a four o'clock flight back to Sacramento.

Thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang around here, wander.

Don't wander too far.

- Promise? - Yes. Yes, I promise, Mare.

But enough about me.

- How are you doing? - This is so weird, Abby.

The second I met Shepley, I just fell so hard.

And we get here, and I feel like I'm just seeing

who he really is for the first time.

- Yeah, sounds familiar. - I mean, he hunts, he spies on me.

I just can't. He's not right for me.

I hear you.

I thought maybe Travis was different,

but he's just like all the men from my past.

I mean, I don't know what to say, Mare.

I guess we were both just dealt a really...

Hello? Abby?

I wanna see the two of you in my office in an hour,

and don't you even think of skipping town.

This is about Travis assuming your debt by fighting against Chernobyl.

Abby, it's not what you think!

- I fucking hate you! - I don't hit women.

Motherfucker!

- You said you wouldn't do anything! - God, you're firm.

I fucking hate you, you maggot dick!

- What are you, hormonal? - Fuck you!

Who is it?

What... What do you want?

I'm sorry about your painting.

Sorry about fucking up your life, ish.

You didn't fuck up my life. You fucked up my relationship with my dad.

There were some other things.

- Toledo. - Hmm.

Toledo? Dude, I was 14.

You were a cash cow.

You really did deserve that rock to the head.

I'm sorry about...

- Darius? - Yeah.

I don't even know if he ever really loved me.

This painting was my last-ditch effort, 'cause we were down...

Doesn't matter.

Well, for what it's worth, it's not like my relationship is any better.

I'm about to be a divorcée at 19.

- What? - Yeah.

For somebody who is so good at cards, you are a real fuckin' idiot.

- Excuse me? - Oh, yeah, right, Miss Wisdom at 19.

You don't see what's staring you right in the face.

Love, Abby. Love.

Your guy, this guy, the fighter, Travis, and the passion you two have.

You think you can buy that on Amazon? You cannot.

I don't care if you're 19 or you're 90. When that happens, sha-bam!

- Sha-bam? - Sha-bam!

- Sha-bam. - Fuckin' sha-bam.

- What do you guys want? - We want you to fight for her.

- You don't think I'm trying? - Then, dude, try fuckin' harder.

It's like Dad always said, "Sometimes you have to fight for both of you

when one of you gives up."

That's right. You fight and you fight, and you keep fighting.

'Cause you're a Maddox, and that's what we do for love.

Travis, do you love her?

Of course I love her.

Then go and get her, dude.

I don't even know where she is.

- I think she found you, bro. - What?

♪ With all the ground we've covered ♪

♪ With all the fights we've won ♪

♪ I won't let you drown in the ocean ♪

♪ I won't watch you burn in the sun ♪

♪ We'll sing it in a song ♪

♪ We'll sing it in a song ♪

♪ In all the seas we've sailed on ♪

♪ Our faces turned to stone ♪

♪ I will follow you where the light goes ♪

♪ And tell the rights we've wronged ♪

♪ And sing it in a song Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Sing it in a song ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ The greatest story never told ♪

♪ Our finest dreams ♪

♪ Our hearts and souls ♪

♪ Forever young, forever bold ♪

♪ The greatest story never told ♪

Where did you get these suits, Douchebags-R-Us?

- They're traditional. - Really?

Did you get these suits with a sign that reads "Please don't fuck me"?

He's a fucking priest. Have some respect!

No biting!

Queso!

This is the ring that our father got our mother,

and, uh, she passed before Travis really got to ever know her.

But it's special.

And you're special.

We'd like you to have it, 'cause we all love you very much.

This is beautiful.

I just wish that I could have met her, you guys.

But I'm sure she was so incredible.

I don't even know what to say.

Well, you... you could say yes.

Yes, yes, yeah.

I'll cherish this forever. Thank you guys so much.

I'm really proud to call you guys my brothers.

Hey!

What are guys doing to her?

♪ Right from the start ♪

♪ We knew we'd be together... ♪

Tried the Trabby?

Hey!

Yeah. Yeah, I've had, like, three. They're great. They're great.

- You should get one, man. - All right, I'll have one.

- Did you talk to Mare? - Mare? Uh...

You all right?

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't matter. It's your night, man.

- It's your night. - Cheers. Shep, I love you.

I love... Well, stop. I love... Dude, I love you. I love you so much.

- No, but, seriously, I love you. - I love you more, bro. For real.

I would leave her tonight for you.

If it weren't for the whole cousin inbreeding thing, we could have something.

Come here. Come here.

I'm so happy for you. Now, you should find your wife.

- That's weird to say. - I know.

- You good? - I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

- Okay. - I'm good.

Hey, what's... what's the Shepmare? Can I have one of those?

- You tell me. - Oh, my... Oh, my... Baby!

- Babe! Oh, my God! Come here, come here. - I came back!

- Pumpkin! Pumpkin! I missed you! - I missed you too!

I was at the spa and heard that someone tried to free the roosters

but didn't realize that they're trained killers.

- I didn't know they were killers! - Did you do that?

Yeah, I was just trying to be a nice guy, and they're not... they're not nice. No.

You're a good man, Shepley Maddox, and I've been such a jerk.

I spun out about a dumb thing and I shut down...

- Stop, stop, stop. - I'm so sorry.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for spying on you. - I love you so much.

- I love you so much, baby. - And I wanna be your baby pterodactyl.

You wanna be my...

- I wanna be on your mantle! - Come here, babe!

- Buenas noches. - Hmm.

- Sancho, right? - Sí.

I feel like I'm past my prime.

You're telling me!

- All I want to do is nap. - Mmm.

I'd take a good nap over that painting, meditation bullshit.

Money doesn't fix it.

Ass doesn't fix it.

Ass?

No bueno.

Pino's ass?

Tight.

Treacherous.

I just wanna find somebody to sail off into the sunset with.

I mean, fuck a couple of people up along the way, right, just for fun.

I like a man like you.

Masculine.

I've never tried Mexican.

I think that you would find it most appealing.

♪ Falling in love again ♪

- Okay, so I've been thinking. - Uh-oh.

I've been thinking about giving the Maddox name a try.

But it has to include some personalized towels.

- Towels? - Mm-hmm.

Expensive towels.

- And how many points is that? - Oh, forget about the points.

I stopped counting when we were down by like a thousand.

A thousand's an exaggeration.

It was stupid anyway. I can't rationalize this marriage.

And I can't rationalize why I love you. But I do.

And so Abby and Travis agreed,

"Till death do us part."

As long as they don't kill each other.

Adios, amigos!

Jesus, Roger!

Jesus Christ!

♪ My name is Thumbelina I'm three feet tall ♪

♪ My mommy always told me "Fuck, you're small" ♪

♪ My neighbors, they tease me It sends me in a roll ♪

♪ I fuck them up for money after all ♪

Subtitling: Dubbing Brothers