All language subtitles for 3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun-1x20

I think you'll
like this, Dick.

The commercial said the
extra ingredient is love.

Next time try making the
extra ingredient cheese.

What's with Harry?
- Don't bother him.

He's transmitting my status report.
- Status report?

To the big giant head?

Why should we have to answer to
that pencil-pushing desk jockey anyway?

Frankly, I don't care
what he thinks.

What did it
say about me?

Resume normal functions
in three,

two, one.

What did I miss?
- So what did you put in the report?

Lots of time and effort.
- Come on, read it back.

"Dear big giant head,

how are you? We're fine.
So's the weather Yada, yada, yada.

"The mission is taking
longer than anticipated.

The being designated Sally
has bravely infiltrated

the female gender.

The Harry unit is
functioning adequately.

The high commander
has squandered six months

in the futile pursuit of a single earth woman.."

Wait, wait!
What was that?

I am functioning
adequately.

That thing about my futile
pursuit of Dr. Albright.

How could you write
this about me?

I'm the information officer.
I'm sworn to tell the truth.

Well, the truth is
that through Mary

I have explored every facet
of the male/female dynamic.

Have you established a
monogamous relationship with her?

No.
- Have you bonded emotionally?

No.
- Have you had one successful date?

Well, if by successful
you mean pleasant,

no.

Well I wouldn't
sweat it, Dick. you know,

The big giant head never
reads these things, anyway.

Perhaps I have been remiss,
but mark my words.

By the week's end,
I will have established

an emotional beachhead
with Dr. Albright.

This I vow.

Yeah, and Harry's going
to win the Nobel prize.

Well, I'm happy
just to be nominated.

Good morning.
- Good morning, Nina.

Those are nice.

They cost 89 dollars.

Don't tell her that.
- Oh, right.

Good morning.
They cost 89 dollars.

Oh.
- Dr. Albright, would you do me the honour

of joining me
for dinner tonight?

No.

Why are you doing this?

Can't you see how much
pain you're causing?

He's nothing,
if not resilient.

Not him, me!

The two of you are driving me
up the wall.

You're obviously
attracted to him.

Take a chance
on love, woman.

I don't know.

Look at him.

I suppose it's time to
give the big dog a biscuit.

And I do
have to eat.

Okay, I'll go out with you.
- Yes!

Come on, Dick, I really need to get in there.

I'm sorry. I need to be handsome tonight,

and I mean
Sears-Catalog handsome.

If he wants to get somewhere
with her, he should follow my lead.

Mr. Randell and I have
a dreamy relationship.

Yeah, you don't even
call him by his first name.

That's what sophisticated
people do on this planet.

I realize it's not as
romantic as you and August

meeting in the lunchroom
and sharing your pudding cup.

Hey! We were just voted
cutest couple, so shut up.

Okay, where's my shoes?

I think I saw one of them
right over there.

Oh, my god,
it's Harry.

His cranial microreceiver,
it's activated.

Transmission incoming
from the big giant head.

Thank you for calling
the big giant head.

He cares about "you".

Your status report was
received. Please wait for comments.

Oh, no, no, no.
- Please, please, no comments.

There are no comments.

Resume normal functions
in three, two, one.

I told you the big giant
head never reads those things.

I really resent how
we're supposed to jump

every time the big
giant head sends a message.

I know, everyone knows he only got the job

by kissing
the big giant butt.

Oh, this is fun.
What a great idea.

Hey, he knew what
he was getting into

when he took this job.

August?

we share more than pudding, don't we?

You've got pudding?

No, I was using it as a
metaphor for our relationship.

Our relationship
is soft and gooey?

No, no. Never mind, okay? Never mind.

You didn't have to walk
me up. I know the way.

I don't mind.
You mentioned coffee.

Hey, guys.
Hi, Mr. Randell.

Well, sit down.
Take off your shirt.. shoes.

Tommy, I need the parlor
to entertain Mr. Randell,

Mr. Kevin Randell.

We're doing homework.
- Yeah, Mesopotamia.

Oh, the fertile
crescent.

Would you like
to see it?

Pardon?
- Never mind.

I'll see to that coffee.
Tommy, help auntie Sally.

Excuse us.

I need the living room to
be alone with Mr. Randell.

Why?

I think I'm falling in love with the guy.

You just want the
living room so you can make out.

So how's history this year?
Good. - Good.

Thanks for
bailing me out.

You are so much fun.

Dr. Albright, your hand is on my knee.

Do you want me to move it?
- Please.

No, I meant
move it around.

Well, August
sure left early.

Yeah, after you dumped coffee
on her, she got the hint.

She made a rude comment
about my jell-o with cheese.

Jell-o with cheese?
What kind of woman are you?

Come on, let's not squabble. We're family.

Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

Let's play a game, shall we? What'll it be?

Bite me.
- All right, who's it?

Okay, fine.
You know,

you try to help, but
this is the thanks you Ge..

Transmission incoming
from the big giant head.

What, again?
- Thank you for your status report.

I judge your mission to be
a complete failure.

Replacements arrive
in 24 hours.

Resume normal functions
in three, two, one.

What'd I miss?

They're aborting the mission.
- Replacements arrive tomorrow.

They're sending us home.

ohh!
ooohhhhhhh!

Oh, Dr. Albright,

that was the greatest
30 seconds of my life.

Ahh! Smell
the spring air.

What do you say
we have class outside?

The world is
such a perfect place.

What are we doing indoors?
- Dr. Solomon.

What is it, darling?

Well, I think we're supposed
to be having our final exam.

and I'm shooting for a "d,"
so I'll need the full hour.

Final exam?

Today?

I forgot.
Isn't that a hoot?

You see, I didn't make
it home last night.

I could have,

but I was awfully
comfortable where I was,

in a place that's
definitely not home.

Dr. Solomon,

are you...
all right?

Oh I can't talk about it.
It's too personal.

Let's just say.. I had sex
with Dr. Albright.

Oh!

Dr. Solomon, we don't
need to know about this.

That's where you're wrong,
bug. You might learn something.

Last night at 11:22,

eastern standard time,

my spiritual
self, "x",

and my corporeal
self, "y",

were fused together...

for the first time.

But let's move on.

Dick, I need to talk to you. I have big news.

Oh you do?
Well I have big news, too.

Can we please just step
outside for a minute?

All right. Class,
while I'm gone,

I'd like you to ponder
being naked under cool,

cool sheets.

We're leaving?!

Nooooooooooo!

Just answer my question.
- All right.

Hypothetically speaking,
if you were out of my life,

I'd experience
separation anxiety,

and I'd probably harbor
some resentment.

But you know that even if we weren't
together, I'd always care about you?

Wait a second,
are you dumping me?

No. No!
- It's that cheerleader Cheryl, isn't it?

Well, let me clue you in
pal. It's all padding.

No, August, you don't..

you don't understand.

Wait. It is?

Do you like my Coffee?

I put Cheese in it.

It's good isn't it?

It's erm... Cherry.

Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.

If I could never make coffee for you again..

not that that's
going to happen.

I mean, I'm here with my pot,
ready to pour.

Would you miss me?

Why are you
asking me this?

I don't know.

Call it girlish
insecurity.

How would you feel?
- Awful.

Awful like somebody
ripped your heart out

and then showed
it to you?

Well, not showed
it to me.

So what you're saying is,
without me

you'd be
a lonely, miserable wreck

for what, a week, a month,
the rest of your life?

The rest of my life.

Oh, Mr. Randell.

You don't know how
happy you've made me.

Certainly.

I thought you and Dr.
Solomon had a date again tonight.

We did.
- He stood you up?

Oh, no,
I talked to him.

He said he got an
upsetting phone call from a friend

with a big head,

and he didn't think
he'd be much fun tonight.

Oh. Well, my all-time
favorite excuse was

"I have a terminal
illness".

You actually had that
pulled on you?

Yes, but in all fairness,
the guy died.

So you going
to be okay?

Nina, I am at the stage
in my life

where I refuse to let
a man's childish behavior

steer me off course.
I am taking the high road.

Yeah? If I were you,
I'd go over there and nail

his sorry ass
to the wall.

That "is"
the high road.

I can't believe we're being
called back. I don't want to go.

I know. I'm so upset.
I don't know what to pack.

Do you think I could take
these open-toed metallic sandals?

Lieutenant, once we're out of
here, we won't even have feet.

But they look like a pump
and feel like a sneaker.

Pull yourself together.

I've grown attached to
certain things on this planet, too.

You think I'm not going
to miss the sunsets,

the change of seasons,

the way my students
avert their eyes

when I pass them
in the halls?

You know what I'm going to
miss the most? All of you.

What do you mean? We're still going
to be together. We're still a unit.

I know, but we won't
be a family anymore.

Oh, lieutenant.
- Oh, sir.

I promised myself
I wasn't going to do this.

Harry, be brave.

This is no time for
weakness. We must be strong.

Dick.
- Mary.

Dick.
- Mary.

Dick.
- Harry.

What?

I'd like a few words
with you in private.

Mary, we have
no secrets.

Whatever we have to say to each other
we can say in front of the whole group.

Last night when we were having..
- Let's go out onto the roof.

Well, I'm going to go down and get my
record collection for the trip back.

You know, tunes
for the road.

Great, 14 light-years
of glen Campbell.

I have something to say to you.
- So do I.

Something important,

but I don't know
how to start.

Let me take
a stab at it.

You love me. Last night
meant the world to you,

but you have to push me
away so you don't hurt me.

Someday I'll see it
was all for the best.

Please believe you!
Please believe you!

That's it exactly.

Mary, you understand
my every thought.

I understand. You've had
the milk. Why buy the cow?

No, I want you.
I want the cow.

For what, a one-night stand in the barn?

I will not be
treated this way.

You hurt me.
- How did I hurt you?

Do you know why we ended
up at my place last night?

Not because I was lonely. Not
because I had too much sake.

We ended up
there because...

I care for you.

Oh, Mary.

Why did you have to wait
until now to tell me?

What's wrong with now?

I wish I had a machine
that could freeze time.

Unfortunately, I left it
in my other jacket.

Dick?
- Aah!

Dick, come in here. I've got
wonderful news from "home".

You..

wait right here.
I'll be right back.

Dick's here.
What is it?

Okay, there was a mistake in the message.
- Tell me!

Dick, you're the only one
who's going. We all get to stay.

Yeah!
- Yeah!

awwww!

How did you get
your information?

Well I was down in the basement
getting my record collection,

and I bumped into your replacement.
- My replacement?

It's in the basement. He
wants to talk to you, Dick,

Now.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Where are you?

You..

you're gorgeous!

Thank you.

This body should
suit me nicely.

The big giant head
is very unhappy,

Commander.

I've been sent here
to replace you

and complete
the mission

with ruthless
efficiency.

And now I'm
afraid it's time

for me to assume
command.

You think you can just
waltz in here and take over?

You have no idea!

The people here are so complex.

They have all these
feelings and impulses,

dreams and fears.

And every time
you've mastered one,

another one catches
you by surprise.

Tonight I finally
made a breakthrough.

One of these people
cares about me.

You can't make me
leave now!

Oh, yes, I can.

What about...

Mary?

I'll take care
of her... good.

No. I won't
allow it!

I love her!
I'm not leaving her!

How touching.

You know, you've actually
changed my mind.

I think I will
let you stay here,

right here,

forever.

No. You're not..

Oh, my god!

He's turned me
into a mime!

You know, if you play "
Wichita lineman" backwards,

you get our
national anthem.

What's so funny, Dick?

I am not... Dick.

I'm your new
high commander.

From this point forward,
you will refer to me as such.

Okay,

Such.

What have you done with Dick?

That's for me to know
and you to find out.

There's going to be a
lot of changes around here.

For instance..

from now on this

goes here.

And that's just
the first of many...

changes.

Wow, what
a black hole.

Ah, Mary.

Is everything all right?

Oh everything's perfect.

For the last six months,
I've been a bumbling fool.

As of right now,
that's over.

I only care about
one thing now,

and that's pleasure..

yours and mine.

Oh, please.
- That's good.

I like it
when they beg.

How dare you..
- Shh!

Let daddy drive.

Wow!