All language subtitles for 3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun-1x15n

Sally, where's
my breakfast?

I haven't had anything to eat since
that bottle of ketchup you fixed me,

Not that it
wasn't delicious.

Yeah, yeah,
keep your pants on.

Now, I just can't get
ready as fast as you guys.

Every morning I have
to wash, dry, pluck,

powder, dab, cleanse,
deep cleanse,

exfoliate, pop,

curl, blow, and buff.

Well, that's
far too complicated.

I usually just
rinse, spit,

unzip the parka,
and voil�.

Sally, where's
my breakfast?

I'm working on it.

Harry, what are you doing
on the floor?

I have no idea.

But what is noble in a
universe where entropy grips us

in a fatal dance
of nihilistic despair?

Why is he talking like this?
- I don't know. All I did was this.

Give me this. If he's broken,
it's going right into the report.

I wrote me a little song yesterday
, and it goes something like this:

'hi-Dee hi hi-Dee ho, hi
-Dee hi-Dee, hi-Dee, ho'

what's with Harry?
- I don't know.

He seems to be having a
reaction to a crushing skull blow.

What, with this?
- Yeah.

Be careful. We could actually hurt Harry.

Now, liberals want
you to believe

that more government is
gonna solve your problems..

hey.
- I'm sorry.

I couldn't live
with that.

Hurry, hurry!
- I'm coming, I'm coming

Stop it, already.
- What took you so long?

Her pants are tight.
She can't go too fast.

What is the big emergency?
- Look, it's just awful.

I don't see anything.
- It's the dishes.

They're dirty,
and we need a plate.

Don't you boys know
how to wash a dish?

Of course not, that's Sally's job.
- That and killing spiders.

Please.
- we wouldn't ask you,

except Sally's
mysteriously absent,

and without a clean plate
we could starve!

Dick! Dick,
come in here!

Here she is.

You guys are not going to
believe all the cute stuff I got today.

Everything came together
like a well-oiled pistol.

I've got
the last pair

of size eight ferragamo
slingbacks on layaway.

I need 300 bucks.
- Why?

Because without the shoes,
the belt is a joke.

Lieutenant, we seem to be
having a breakdown in communication

because I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Of course you don't. It's about women.
- Ah, the women's issue.

Maybe if you would explain
it to me, I would understand.

I've been explaining it
to you since we got here.

One thing
I do understand:

this female obsession of
yours is costing me a fortune.

spider!

All right, fine,
high commander.

Take it all back to the store
and get your money back.

I'm going to get a job
and make my own money.

I am sick and tired of
having to justify myself to you

every time something
pretty goes on sale.

Come on, Harry, you're going to get a job, too.
- I am?

Yes, I will not go
unaccessorised.

I had that dream again last night.
- Which one?

The one where I'm riding a
tractor and smoking a big cigar.

Oh, you're ovulating.

What?
What are you laughing at?

Girl talk.
- Girl talk?

I'm sorry,
did that sound sexist?

No, sexist would be if you
told me I had a tight butt,

then said if I didn't go to
bed with you, I'd be fired.

Dr Solomon I really don't think
you'd understand

what we were
talking about.

I know what this is..
me man,

me too thick
to grasp girl talk.

Nina, are you going to that
lecture series on Thursday?

Dr. Natalie Blumfeld is speaking.
- Yes.

It sounds wonderful.
Can I come, too?

It's really not
for you.

It's a place where we can
open up and share our feelings.

I have feelings.

It's a women's
study group.

I'll take notes.
Please, let me come.

Does everything
have to involve you?

In a perfect world, yes.

I'll be very quiet.

You won't even know
I'm there.

I think a man's presence
would be inhibiting.

I said you won't
even know I'm there!

Don't take this
personally.

It's not as if we were
deliberately trying to exclude you.

You want to have lunch now?
- Sure.

I'd love to.

Fine!

I'll have
my lunch alone

like a man.

My apple is so tiny.

These career tests
are so stupid.

I mean,
mine suggests

I set my sights on
optometry or horse training.

What does yours say?
- Astronaut.

Yeah, right, you flying
around in space.

Me? No.

Like I know anything about
anti-Matter containment vessels.

Tommy, you know
what we should do?

Backpack around Ireland
for a few months.

Yeah, yeah. When?
- After we graduate.

Oh.

Or, better yet, we could move to new York

and rent a loft in the
village with a view of the river.

It'll probably
cost about...

300 bucks a month,

but, you know,
that's okay.

We'll find jobs
in bookstores.

Uh-huh.
- Tommy, give me some feedback.

It sounds great.

Then why are you being
so noncommittal.

I, I... I don't know.

Is it me?

Would you rather do
stuff without me?

I'm not sure if I'm even
going to be here in five years.

I know what this is.

You don't want to commit to me
because you're not sure I'm your soulmate.

When you're done sorting out
your feelings, give me a call.

No, wait, August.
Wait, wait, wait.

I think that...

we've reached a point
in our relationship

where I can tell you
the truth about me.

I care more about you than anything
, and as long as I'm on this planet,

I want to be with you.

There, now aren't you glad
you sorted out your feelings?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy,
did we luck out.

Not everybody can
walk in off the street

and get a job
at a pancake house.

Harry, what
are you doing?

Well, the training
manual said

no hair below
the shoulders.

Now, I don't think
anybody's going to look there,

but, uh...

you know,
a rule's a rule.

Hey, um...

listen, I got
a question for you.

We've been on this planet
awhile now, and I was just wondering,

if we were to tell
someone we cared about

where we were
actually from,

do you think it would
be so dangerous?

No, not at all, Tommy.

In fact, I've already told
Mrs. Dubcek and the mailman..

ooh, and that nice guy
down at the minimart

because I want us all
to die like lab rats

at the hands of
primitive scientists!

Okay.

Sally, I'm right again.

I returned to the store,

I sent back your
extravagant purchases,

and I met a lovely
saleswoman named Gwen,

and the two of us
effortlessly put together

a thrifty yet stylish

ensemble.

Behold.
- Big deal. It's just a little black dress.

Ah, to the untrained eye,

but add a faux
jacquard scarf

and a pair of pearl
button earrings, and look.

Ooh!

And this skirt.

It's an economical
acrylic blend,

but look
how it drapes.

And the vertical stripes
are so slimming.

ah!

You like?
- Nice.

All right,
now, Sally,

since I've opened your eyes to
a whole new world of options,

you can return me
the favour.

Dr. Albright belongs
to a women's study group,

and I must find out
what she's doing there.

God knows you don't want
to respect her boundaries.

Exactly.

Does August ever belong to a
secret women's organization?

Sure, the girl scouts.

But she got out
because she thought

the cookie-selling
verged on racketeering.

Lieutenant, you have
your assignment.

I can't help you, Dick.
As of today,

I've suited up
and joined

the proud ranks
of the work force.

Come on, Pepe!

Lieutenant, please.

I'll show you 50 ways
to tie a scarf.

Tommy, could you..
- No, Dick.

I've got to find out
what she's doing.

Hmm,

a study group
for women.

Women only.

I have to find someone

to infiltrate
this group,

but who?

Who?

Hey, you got
any real syrup?

Why, yes, we do, sir,

but may I suggest...

a dash of boysenberry

to bring out
the hidden oakiness

in your otherwise
common Vermont maple?

Enjoy it,

Mr. Grabby.

Uh, whoa.

Let me ask you
something.

Was your service quick and courteous?
- Yes.

Was your food hot and
exactly what you ordered?

Yes.
- Move over, sweetie.

Then why is it,
my friend,

when I subtract your check
from the amount on the tray,

I come up with
97 cents for me?

I didn't think you'd
count it in front of me.

But you're glad I did, now, aren't you?
- Yes, ma'am.

Because now you
understand that a tip

is short for gratuity,

and gratuity is short
for gratitude.

I never heard that, ma'am.
- Don't interrupt me.

Gratitude for
a job well-done.

Now, 5% is not
gratitude, mister,

it's an invitation
to an ass-kicking.

Got it?
- Got it.

Thank you.
Have a nice day!

I'm doing great!

So, split ends..
is that serious?

No, but they're
driving me crazy.

Um, August,

if I told you a secret, do
you think you could handle it?

You've been keeping
secrets from me?

This is not
just any secret.

This is.. this is
a really big secret.

You've been keeping
big secrets from me?

Well, not just you.
- I've told you about my impetigo.

I know, I know, it made
me feel very close to you.

But, see, my secret's
a lot more serious

than just
a contagious skin rash.

You don't trust me.
- No, no, it's not that.

I just don't want to go
blabbing things out

when I'm afraid there might be
a fearful, ignorant reaction.

I understand.
Good.

Oh, jeez, if I'd known
you could just cut this off,

I would have done
it months ago.

Welcome. My name is Judith.
- Thank you, Judith.

We have beverages as well as
hummus and pita, if you'd like.

Why not? I'm wearing control tops.

Oh, pardon me.
- No, it's entirely my..

oh, my..

Nina, it's me,
Dr. Solomon.

Oh.

I'm wearing
women's clothes.

Ah, that's it.

Wait right here.

Dr. Albright.
Dr. Albright.

Nina, can't this wait?
- I don't think so.

Dr. Blumfeld is in the middle
of a very interesting story.

Yeah? Well, mine's better.
- You're hurting my arm.

Okay.
- Where were we?

Mary, let's not monopolize
Dr. Blumfeld. Have a seat.

All right, ladies, we're
ready to begin. Everybody settle.

I'll just squeeze in
over here.

Hello.

What are you doing here?
Do you hate me?

Don't be ridiculous.

Do you ever have this little
voice in your head that says

this might be
a bad idea?

shh!

I'd like to start

by having everyone
ask herself

a question:

how am I
censoring myself?

What am I doing
to inhibit

my relationship
with those around me

by concealing
my true self?

I have a thought on that.
- Don't you dare.

Yes.

Thank You.

I work in an office,

and I find that I have
to censor my feelings

just to fit in.

I'm often excluded,

and whenever I do
summon the courage

to express my desire
to be embraced by the group,

I find myself muzzled

and squelched by them.

We're here to support
each other.

Please go on.
And you are?

Dicki Jo.

Dicki Jo?
- Don't mock me.

I'm being excluded and
sequestered because of my sex.

I can feel the air change
in the room when I walk in,

and I just think
it's so unfair.

Just stop it.
Stop it.

Big girl.
Pretty, but big.

I will not.

Why do women have to
close themselves off?

They don't.
Let it out.

I wouldn't encourage
Dicki Jo.

Mary, let her speak.

Yeah,
you go, girl!

Mary, why do
you withhold,

pretending there's something
inside you that I can't understand?

We're both grown-ups.
What are you afraid of?

Not here, not now.
- Dr. Blumfeld is right.

We can't hold ourselves
back any longer.

Knock, knock.
Who's there? Me!

Go away!

It's too late.
I'm here.

I knew it all along.
- Me, too.

Hey.

I just wanted to say that I've
invested a lot in this relationship,

and if you think you can
treat me this way, you're wrong.

Your hair looks
really good.

Oh, thanks.

August, I can't stand
this anymore.

I have to tell you
something.

You're not going to
believe this at first.

It might even make you sick.
It's about my family.

Well, that
was a wash.

The woman I love won't
let me be a woman.

I need some herbal tea
and a fat-free cookie.

Listen, August, what I
needed to tell you was that..

don't speak, Tommy.

Don't speak.

So, Harry, how much
did we make?

I'll get our tip jar.
- Whew! You know,

I have never been
so fulfilled.

For the first time
as a human,

I feel a sense of accomplishment
and worth.

Wow!

$27.15.

Come on. You must have
missed a couple of hundreds.

Let me see this.

I worked eight
stinkin' hours

for a lousy pile
of pennies?

I could've found this
in a couch.

Remember, we're splitting it.
- Shut up!

$27.15?

Ooh!
and a mento.

Not a mento.

These just
came for you.

If you think flowers
can repair the damage,

you are so wrong.

They're not from him.
They're from Judith.

You want me to read the card?
- No.

Please?
- No!

Well, another place

I will never be able
to go to again.

Why not? They were
very supportive.

Did you learn nothing
about women? I did.

You are the biggest fool
I have ever known.

Really,
is that what you think?

To say that you
behaved childishly

is an insult
to children everywhere.

That's it, open up.
Talk to me.

I... am
a merry-go-round person.

You are
a tilt-a-whirl person.

This is good.
Tell me your feelings.

Before you came
into this office,

I had a very sane

and ordered life.

I could go for weeks
without explaining myself,

and now the sky's
the limit!

You drive me crazy!

I do all this to you?
- Yes!

Well, I must be
a pretty exciting guy.

Now, that's good.

Now we're communicating. Now
I know what you're thinking.

What am I thinking?

You like me.

You really like me.

Sally, is there anything
you'd like to tell me as a woman?

I think I'm enlightened
enough now to hear it.

Ah, well,

men are always
bossing you around.

No one ever says
"thank you.

And you're expected
to clean up after everyone

Are you talking about being
a woman or a waitress

Waitress, woman..
same thing.

I just never realized
how many people here

are in the service
of others.

Well, everybody here
sells his time for money

It's like taking a mortgage
against your life.

Yeah, well, my life is
worth more than minimum wage

and the occasional
slice of free pie.

I've just got to figure out
what it is I really want to do.

I think you should.
Everybody needs a goal.

Yeah, I want to let
my hair grow back.

I want to make the world a better place.

I want to
bring mankind

the gift
of electricity.

They have electricity.
- Ah.

Then my work
is done.