All language subtitles for 3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun-1x12

Guess what, you guys,
I got a new job.

Another job? Where?
- At Gung-ho videos.

My command
of the vernacular

impressed both Mr. Gung
and Mr. Ho.

Congratulations, Harry.
- Good for you, Harry.

It's freezing out here.
Dick, can we go inside now?

No, we're here to experience everything on
this planet, even the uncomfortable parts.

I have some
very uncomfortable parts.

They said on the news that
the dew point is dropping.

What does that mean?
- I don't know.

It just caught my attention '
cause it sounded kind of dirty.

Why do humans spend so much
time worrying about the weather?

They can't go 15 minutes
without getting an update.

Don't these people
have windows?

I cannot do a book report out here Dick,
my fingers are going numb.

Can we please go inside now?

Absolutely not,

this is research. No one goes
in without a damn good reason.

Does anyone remember
what color our napkins are?

I think we should go check.
let's go find out.

Whew! I am freezing.
- Why don't you wear a longer skirt?

With these legs?
I don't think so.

Did you pick up
my tickets?

Yes, and your reservation for your
hotel in Chicago. There's your itinerary.

Nina, I can't believe
this is happening to me.

Not every anthropologist
receives this kind of honour.

I've worked my entire life
for this award

I know,
the Louis Leakey award.

To stand in front of
a conference of educators

and express my thoughts
about my work.

This is going to be
the best weekend of my life.

Why are you looking at me that way?
- No reason.

Dr. Albright!
Dr. Albright!

Guess what.
You and I are on the same flight.

Same row, side by side,
strapped in at 38,000 feet.

Isn't that great?

Why are you going
to the conference?

They're giving me
some kind of academic award.

They hand these things out
like candy mints.

Once we get that out of
the way, the two of us

get to experience
the magic that is Chicago.

Well, once again

something wonderful
in my life

has been turned into
a giant crap fest.

What's the matter?
You!

I guess she's just saving up
her excitement for the crap fest.

You just don't get it, do you?
- What do you mean?

There are people
who have stress

and people
who give stress,

and you... are a giver.
- That's nonsense.

Dr. Solomon?

Well, come in, Leon.

Come in, come in,
come in, all the way in.

Can I have the weekend
to turn in my paper?

Leon, do you find that
I cause you stress?

Did someone say I said that?
- No.

It was all a
misunderstanding. I love physics.

I find it very soothing. I
don't know what you've heard.

Please don't fail me. I'll
turn the paper in by Friday.

That was a stress reaction, wasn't it?
- Yes, it was.

Thank you, Nina.
You've opened my eyes.

I'm going to make sure
that Dr. Albright's weekend

is stress-free,
hassle-Free,

and completely
without unpleasantness.

Oh, you're not going?

Oh, Tommy. What are
you doing here?

I thought you had that
book report due on dickens.

I was doing it,
and it was so boring.

I realized I could save myself a lot
of work if I just watched the movie.

I can't believe no kid
ever thought of this before.

I'll help you as soon as I'm
done reorganizing this place.

Why? What was wrong with it?
- It was a mess.

Everything was just
lumped together.

You know, all the "A's,"
all the "B's."

26 unrelated categories,

except for "x"
which has its own room.

Well, how does
it work now?

Things are much
simpler now. Look.

Good movies.

Bad movies.

Movies I haven't seen.

Pardon me, where
could I find "aliens"?

Nowhere.

Not here,
that's for sure.

Nobody here
but us humans.

Stop looking at me!

Do you really think this
trip is such a good idea?

Chicago's really far,
and I saw on TV something about a...

..low pressure front moving in.
- Low pressure?

That's exactly what
Dr. Albright needs.

Ah, there she is now.

This doesn't feel
right to me, Dick.

Separating from the unit for
an entire weekend is madness.

As first officer in charge
of security, I forbid it.

I'm high commander,
and I'm going.

Come on, why?
- Lieutenant, don't worry.

I'm prepared
for every eventuality.

I think you're taking this
far too lightly.

You've never travelled here
before. How do you know what to pack?

How will I reach you in Chicago?
- I'm taking the phone.

You know the number.

Why are you taking
refrigerator magnets?

Chicago, the windy city?

I think it's obvious.

What do you mean?

Let's say
an urgent message

comes in for Dr. Albright,
and she's out sightseeing.

I lay it
on the nightstand

because I have no way of
securing it to a metallic surface.

A gust of wind blows it
under the bed,

and Mary never discovers
her long-lost identical twin,

all for want
of a magnetic banana.

That's exactly the kind of needless
agitation that I intend to prevent.

Understood.
Travel well, commander.

I shall return.

What are you doing?

I'm entering the pod.

For god's sakes, just sit
down and behave yourself.

Of course I will, Mary.
Here I am, sitting.

You just be calm.
Take a deep breath.

Welcome to
Northview Airlines Flight 604 to Chicago.

Oh, my god!
Out there!

There's something
on the wing!

It's an engine!
- This thing is a deathtrap!

Sky waitress!
Sky waitress!

Please be quiet
during safety procedures.

Safety? On this flying
donkey cart? That's rich.

How can this woman stay calm
when, at any second,

we could go careening out of the sky
in a flaming heap of twisted metal?

Sir, everything is going to be..
- At least give her

a gelatin-filled helmet
to keep her brain intact.

She's receiving an award!

Please sit down.
- No!

We're getting off!
Who's with me?

I've never been kicked
off a plane before.

Be grateful it was
still on the ground.

You could of least told me you were afraid to fly.
- Only on airplanes.

Instead of a 45-minute flight,
I have a seven-hour drive.

Don't worry. I've anticipated your needs,

and I'm ready to fill the
remaining six hours and 50 minutes

with mirth and merriment.
I brought "mad libs."

I need the name
of someone in the room.

Dick.
- Dick.

This is funny already

Look, it's
starting to snow.

Oh, my god.

What's the matter, haven't you
ever seen a snowflake before?

Yes, and I prayed
I'd never see them again.

Turn on the high beams.
They fear the light.

Where can I find
"remains of the day"?

Oh, that would be in the
"I didn't see it" section.

Wow, I've finally found

what I was looking for..
"David Copperfield."

It doesn't look boring.
He saws himself in half

and makes the statue
of liberty disappear.

Hey, look
out the window.

They're here!
They're here!

Albino brain chiggers!
Cover your ears!

Harry! Harry!
It's snow! Snow.

Oh.
- I learned it in science class.

Come on outside with me and I'll
show you how to write your name in it.

Oh, my god.

It's covering everything.

The whole town is
being obliterated.

I'm up here.
I'm up here!

Uh... okay, I know
the term paper's late,

but my car wouldn't st..
- Who cares? You're alive.

You're alive.
Who are you?

Oh, I-I'm a student of Dr.
Solomon's. My name's Leon.

I'm a sister of Dr.
Solomon's. My name's Sally.

Yeah, I know.
I saw you one day

when you dropped off
his lunch.

And then you went
to the dry cleaners,

and then to
the shoe repair place,

and then the car wash.

And then you went home and
read a book by the window

for three hours.
- I remember that day.

Listen, Leon, I don't want
to freak you out or anything,

but I think the earth is
spiraling out of the sun's orbit

and we're heading
for a new ice age.

Uh... did they say
that on the news?

No, but trust me,
I've seen this happen before.

We could be the last two creatures on earth.
- I don't know about that.

Our first responsibility
is to breed.

We must, must copulate
as much as we can.

Well, now that
you mention it,

I didn't see any people
on the way over.

Damn!

How are we supposed to
do it with the lights out?

A boy like that
will kill your brother

forget that boy
and find another

one of your own kind,
stick to your own kind

a boy who kills
cannot love

a boy who kills
has no heart

and he's a boy who
has no heart, very smart

oh, no, Anita, no, you should know.. ?
- Oh, my god.

Fear has made you hysterical.
- Oh, no, no, no.

I just like to sing
show tunes on long trips.

Before I found anthropology, I
was going to be a theater major.

Did I ever tell you
why I became a teacher?

I don't think this is the best time..
- Like all little girls,

I had a thing
for neolithic archeology.

My father used to cut up my barbies
and bury the pieces in the backyard

so I could
discover them.

Only problem was,
on my first dig

I discovered I was
afraid of skeletons.

Boy, it's really coming down now.
- Poor, sweet, tiny Mary.

You can drop the brave front.
We're under attack. Pull over.

What?
- I'm commandeering this car.

Oh no, you're not.
- It's a full-scale invasion!

I'll save you!

Are you getting the
feeling back in your hands?

No.
- Well, the walk wasn't too bad.

Oh, yeah, the last
four miles just flew by.

You plowed my car
into a snow bank.

I know.

And we thought it was going
to fight back. Aren't we silly?

If anything is wrong
with that car,

I am holding you
responsible.

We've got to
stick together.

The roads are closed.
And look around.

We're surrounded
by Neanderthals.

That's a fair assessment,
isn't it, fellas?

Are you
all right, honey?

Yes, I'm fine,
thank you.

You know, your boyfriend's
kind of cute.

Him?
- The way he spent the last hour

knocking himself out trying to get your attention.
- He's an idiot.

Honey, they're
all idiots,

but this one is looking at you like
you're the only woman on the planet.

Although you're real pretty,
you're not exactly

the last ham sandwich in
hungry town, if you get my drift.

Yes? It did?

Oh, my god.
Where?

And you're sure?

Thank you.

Mary.
- Hmm?

That plane that I got us thrown off of...
- Yes?

It never
reached Chicago.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god! Oh!

Yes, the airport was closed, and they
were diverted to Gary, Indiana.

Gary is 20 minutes
from Chicago.

Well, but it's an
inconvenience nonetheless.

I think someone
owes me an apology.

Okay, here are
our rations..

tuna salad
on whole wheat.

Sorry, all we have to drink
is this giant bottle of wine.

It has a modest bouquet,

but I think you'll be amused
by its presumptuousness.

Whatever.

Well, Leon,

to the survival of the species.
- Oh, hmm, yes.

Why are you nervous?
- Well, it's just that

I've never been with
a woman of your...

good-lookingness before.

Yeah, I know, I'm hot.

It's kind of exciting
for me, too.

All the men I've met have
been strong and decisive,

and you're neither
of those things.

Well, I can be, maybe.

Probably not.

Oh, Leon,

think what our offspring
will be like.

They'll have my skills
as a warrior

and your fierce
intelligence.

Dr. Solomon doesn't talk
much about me, does he?

I think you're just
trying too hard.

It's exhausting.
Nothing I do is right.

and believe me
I do everything.

You see, that's
your first mistake,

you see what I'm saying? Women
don't want you to do everything.

According to who?

Oprah.

Yeah, Oprah.
- So what do I do?

Well, you want to give her
what she wants when she needs it.

And you've got to try
and understand it

when she needs her
freedom to want what she needs.

Yeah, and if she's free to
want it when she needs it or not.

You see what we're Sayin'?
- Yeah.

What a man needs
to do is this.

You have got to pay
attention to what she likes

and share it with her.

You see what he's saying?
- You see what I'm saying?

You see what we're saying?
- Yeah, uh-huh,

I see what
you're saying.

But what does she like?

Oh, oh, oh!
I know the perfect thing.

No, she hates that.

Ooh, I know!

No, that made her
throw up.

It's hard, isn't it?
- It is damn hard.

Oh-hhh...

...klahoma where the wind
comes sweeping down the plain

don't even try it.

And the wavin' wheat
can sure smell sweet

when the wind comes
right behind the rain

oh-hhh-klahoma

every night
my honey lamb and I

sit alone and talk

and watch the hawk
making lazy circles

in the sky

we know we belong to the land

and the land
we belong to is grand

yippee-yi,
yippee-Yay, yippee-yay

and when
we say, yeow!

Ayipioeeay, yeow!

We're only Sayin',
you're doing fine

Oklahoma

Oklahoma
o-k-l-a-h-o-m-a

Okla-hooo...

ma!

Yay!

I don't know why I was
so afraid of the snow.

It's actually
quite beautiful.

You know that slush
down in the gutter?

You call me crazy, but you put
a little cherry syrup on that,

you got yourself
a cool, refreshing treat.

Here, listen to this.

"Charles dickens' 'David
Copperfield' is an extraordinary book

about a man who accomplishes
many incredible feats

involving Claudia
schiffer handcuffed

in an underwater tank
with sharks."

That's good.
- Where are all the tapes?

Well, we had a big night,
but fear not.

We still got five copies
of "johnny mnemonic.

If that's not your cup of tea,
we've also got

"the making of
johnny mnemonic."

How about adult movies?

We got
"fat Fr�uleins."

"A lusty romp through the
cheese and sausage shops

of communist east Berlin."

Forget it.

All right,
give it to me.

So then Freddy stivender
beat the crap out of me.

It was the talk
of the school.

I was so embarrassed.

But after weeks
of plotting,

I got my revenge.
- What did you do?

I had my mom
tell his mom.

I like your tactics.

You know, it may just
be the wine talking,

but I'm beginning
to think

in a crazy world
like this,

you and me

just might make sense.

Hey, lights!

They'll be out again
in a second,

if there's a god
in heaven.

People are outside
shoveling snow.

We're not the last people alive on earth.

Leon, now we don't have
to sacrifice ourselves.

You don't have
to impregnate me!

Uh... oh, good.

Not to mention the ominous
behavioral parallels

between Australopithecus,
euralopithecus...

this is stupid.
- No! No, it's not.

So in accepting this award,
I must pose the question,

"has our journey from
primate to man finally concluded,

or has it just begun?"

Wonderful, wonderful Yes!

Excuse me, Dick, but
that road has been cleared

for a good half hour
out there.

Be all right if we just
scoot on out of here?

Sure. Sure.
- Thank you, ma'am.

Ma'am, I surely
am sorry

you didn't get to pick up
your Leakey award.

Oh, Dick, I feel
I owe you a thank you.

You certainly
made the time pass.

I can't blame the
weather on you. Well, I could,

but I won't.

Sometimes things just don't work out.
- Oh, I don't know.

Sometimes on the way
to what's supposed to happen

something even better
happens,

which is why I am pleased
to present you with this orb

containing a diorama
of the city of Chicago

in a state
of perpetual blizzard.

It's remarkable, isn't it?
- Yes, it is.

And I have something for you.
- You do?

The crimson shovel.
- Oh, thank you.

Let's go dig out the car.
- Absolutely.

It should be easy to find.
I left the lights on.