Original subtitles

Oh my god.

What's wrong, Włodek?

Retail is dying.

Who?

Retail, the traditional sales channel.

But don't worry, we will be saved by...

...online sales!

What's with the tablet, Włodek?

This is the future.

People want to shop without leaving their home.

So we will shop for them!

So they stay home and watch their shows

while we run around with the baskets?

Exactly!

Which proves once and for all new technologies don't take away jobs.

It gives you even more to do.

- For the same money. - Of course.

Shouldn't you inform me about such things?

Domi, listen...

Excuse me, attention, everyone!

That was our first order.

It's also printed at the register.

So you collect all the items and give the order to the delivery guys.

What delivery guys?

Poland, like USA before us,

attracts young people from around the world

who want to achieve something here:

their own American dream!

Or Polish... American-Polish dream.

So we get all colors of the rainbow.

Wow.

I need to change today's schedule.

Okay, Kid can do clean-up,

Edyta and Paweł stock the shelves,

and Marek and Lena deal with online orders.

- Can I stay in the storeroom today? - No.

Guys.

I'm as excited as you are!

A new era begins.

There it is!

Our second order!

It's going to be a wonderful day!

Hi!

Did you see Luba and Kazik staring at each other?

Like they could strip any second.

Yup.

You think they are a good match?

Kazik is a cool guy, but...

...would I want to meet his friends?

Yup.

Did you know Kazik is a cyborg?

Yup.

And Luba came here from the future.

Their child will be its own grandparent.

They'll live on planet klux-klox

and breed giant worms.

Marek...

Are you still mad at me?

No.

So why are you ignoring me?

I'm not. Just don't feel like talking.

Yo! Welcome to our unboxing.

Let's see what's in today's package.

Wait for it...

What's this?

Some weird equipment.

I don't think we can open it today.

We can't find out what's on his mind.

Why don't you have a picnic here.

Thank you so much.

And you didn't tell me.

It was a high-level business decision.

But it's going well, right?

Very well.

A little too well, don't you think?

Those silicon valley types are smart to come up with that.

Such takings at this hour?

How did you do it?

You know...

I still got it.

Knack for business.

First I sold jeans and video tapes from a street stall.

And nothing changed since then.

You won't tell me?

A magician never reveals his secrets.

If advertising is the key to success...

Fine.

Hello.

Are you delivery?

Good guess.

You speak our language.

Yeah. Your language.

So what don't you get?

Listen, dude.

How do you like working here?

Here?

No, I mean in Poland.

Oh, in Poland.

Work is great.

Nobody asks stupid questions.

Cool.

You probably don't know you are being used.

We are? By whom?

You know.

You don't realize how they treat you, bro.

You're just a string of digits in an online app.

What the fuck is he talking about?

He wants to enlighten us.

They're like a plague.

I've got an idea.

Start touching him with admiration.

What's going on?

Kumar says that Hindu scriptures predicted

the coming of a wise white man.

What are the chances

that it's you?

Come on, bro, let's not exaggerate...

Twenty percent, tops.

At least twenty... bro.

My order should be ready by now.

Excuse me, must a small order take so long?

Someone will be with you soon.

Madzia, go help with online orders.

Wow!

Sauces and yoghurts are sold out!

Mark Zuckerberg would be proud of me.

Heisenberg, Guttenberg,

the Titanic hit an iceberg.

He'd be so proud.

We decided to honor all local people with orders.

Online orders.

You deserve this order.

It's simple: open the app,

click on what you want and we'll deliver it.

I'm happy and I'm done.

You don't want to talk, I respect that.

Cool.

But maybe you do?

Fine, I'll take what I need and I'm gone.

Hey, look:

Four cokes, two packs of crisps and large box of ice-cream.

Must be the munchies.

Sage, black cumin and quail eggs...

Witches sabbath!

FISH

UNANSWERED CALL FROM RYBA

Which fish is calling him?

You have fifteen seconds.

Is it a cod? A carp? A walleye?

Or a filet?

I don't know anything about fish!

What?

Jeez, I'm sorry.

I was just worried, Marek. Are you in trouble?

Is Fish a friend you owe money?

A friend from a fish store?

I used to hang out with a mobster from the fish market in Puck.

I could help, you know.

Leave me alone!

Those guys don't mess around.

Special offer: cod for 36,99 zloty a kilo

What a shitshow. Looks just like our prison yard

when Big Bear smashed Roach's head.

Włodek.

This is insane.

You don't understand modern business, Domi.

Yesterday's tomorrow is today!

Luba, you're off the register.

Go help them, they run like dealers at a rave party.

Handle several orders at a time.

Where are you going?

Well... I'll help carry the bags.

Officially I can't allow it.

But...

They talk about the ecology.

But they are melting glaciers

to cool down their data centers.

Your phones spy on you, they know your every move.

These data are sent by invisible waves

to servers accross the ocean

and processed by the corporations.

What's going on?

Dude's explaining how the internet works.

Another white saviour?

What are you jabbering about?

Good, I can get through to you.

I don't think your friends get it.

Was any prophet understood in his lifetime?

What is it, Kazik?

You know, in the break room, before...

I liked it when you looked at me.

I looked because you're handsome.

You're handsome too.

Handsome? Like a lady with a mustache?

That's how we used to describe

the most beautiful ladies.

Even the ones without a mustache.

You have many handsome parts.

Like a handsome...

- Ass. - Kazik!

Will you help me?

You know... that kiss...

In the break room...

I put in in my pocket, because...

I wanted to save it for later.

For later? There's no time like now.

No time like now for a scratchcard and there's noone at the register.

Romek! You've seen me do it one hundred times.

Just get it yourself.

Where were we?

What's going on? Are you carrying air?

Those are the orders.

Here, a pack of breadcrumbs.

And here a bulb of garlic.

And this?

A pack of tissues for forty nine groszy?

You know young men. A sudden urge...

First, ew.

And second, it doesn't make sense.

Sorry.

Oh fudge.

What did this dork do?

Special offer!

Use the Goose app and shop online.

Were you fired before for searching people's phones?

- Why, you... - Why, you...

Sorry, I took it too far.

Sorry, I took it too far.

Come in!

Włodek, let me see your tablet.

- Why? - I wanted to check something.

FREE DELIVERY NO MINIMUM ORDER

I knew it.

Free delivery with no minimum order.

That's the key to the whole plan.

When I saw it works, I bought additional facebook adds.

And who's paying for these deliveries?

- I don't know. It's a special offer. - Think about it.

The Goose corporation.

Do they know about our online sales?

No.

I don't know. I give up.

You are.

Our store is. We're screwed.

People order next to nothing and we pay twelve zloty per delivery.

No way.

You're overreacting.

This is a special offer for us

from the delivery company.

Sure, I'm being silly.

These guys on bikes deliver orders to stay healthy.

- See? - No, they fucking don't!

Have you seen the smog?

Like you said: there's no such thing as a free lunch!

I meant specifically lunches!

What do we do now?

No more online sales.

We need to deliver the orders we got.

What?

I'm a regular.

So...

Listen... wait, where's Luba?

Nevermind.

There will be no new orders.

But we close in one hour and there's a shitload of orders.

It's the homestretch, but we're tight on time.

You get tight from Kegel exercises.

I'm doing them right now.

I didn't need to know that.

Okay, move your asses! Chop chop!

Bran!

- That's my last order. - Mine, too.

I'm going to the storeroom.

Don't follow me!

Bastard.

Come on, Lena!

Marek is just NPC.

Get the noobies!

Get the noobies!

Marek, snap out of it!

You've been sulking all day. I know, I shouldn't butt in.

- But I'm worried. - Can you let go of me?

We found Luba.

I had a hunch.

Kazik can't be a cyborg. Cyborgs don't move like that.

And Fish is...

...my girlfriend.

I knew it.

Thank you.

Why don't you stay a little longer?

- I'll explain the cash-for-visa scandal. - Let me go, man.

Watch out, I think he's a perv.

That was something.

A lot of work.

Kneading dough can be tiring.

I think we broke a record.

Włodek, are you rich now?

There's no need for that...

It was the whole store.

We all did it together.

So we're all rich?

Let me sum it up.

First, congratulations to everyone. It was a lot of work and you rocked.

Second... Włodek will now explain why we won't be repeating that.

Guys...

You know, I mean...

You can see that...

It's not just, like, well, yeah...

Okay, okay.

It's not about the end result.

What counts is the long run.

Thank you.

I won't say it for you, Włodek.

What's going on?

Fine. I'll make it quick.

The store made twenty five grand online.

The deliveries cost twenty six grand,

so we almost broke even.

There'll be no more sales through our app.

- Hurray! - What? No!

Excuse me, guys.

- So you are really okay with it? - Yeah.

- It's fine? - Totally.

It's all good?

So this was another success!

Long live the retail!

God bless the Goose.