Original subtitles

Remeber, frutti di mare doesn't equal fruit. Right, Lubow?

Then why is it spelled like this?

I know! Sorry I'm late. My bus didn't come.

Yeah, sure.

Lobow's bike tire burst on Monday, Maddie got a stomach flu on Wednesday.

It was a diarrhea. Big time.

And Kid's hamster died on Thursday.

I had to bury him, Lena.

That was your third hamster burial in three months, bum head.

I'm not lying. And that's my first time.

So... chill out. It won't hurt you.

Wear something warm.

Why?

You'll need it at the frozen food section. You'll take Lobow's place.

Are you joking?

I smile when I'm joking. Am I smiling now?

You're not smiling.

I was at frozen foods last time and it's not even my turn.

Let it be a lesson for you.

Next time I'll ask my whip to talk to your asses.

No smile. She's not joking.

Here. I don't mind the cold.

Goose

Variety of frozen foods at Goose.

Coffee?

Thanks, I got an americano.

Yeah, I already had a flat white. Not sure if I should have cappucino or latte.

Where did you get it?

At Honkoffee of course!

If I could, I'd do this to Domi.

Hug her?

You think I hug people like that?

Wlodek, how many times have we been over this?

Regulations prohibit catering services in the store premises.

Marlena, come and get your warm cup of coffee.

Boss, my name is Maddie.

I know, I know. Marek and Lena, Marlena.

Like "honk" and "coffee", that is Honkoffee.

New coffee place in your favorite Goose!

Wlodek, do you understand? They have an article for that in the franchise contract.

You only see orders and prohibitions.

Do you know what I see? I see...

A group of friends meeting at Honkoffee.

And they leave lots of money. And then buy a bag of chips!

That's a new American marketing strategy.

Nobody goes to a cinema to see a movie, they go to eat popcorn.

Let me be clear: I don't approve this!

What will you do if an inspector comes and gives you a penalty?

I won't do anything!

By then...

I will be out on the parking lot!

That's smart! Like a traveling circus.

But did they sell coffee?

No.

Nevermind. Listen!

Every cafe needs a barista!

Does Mr. Starbucks make the coffees himself?

No! Because that's tiring and he employs people to do that.

So my question is: who wants to do it?

We're in a land of ice and I gotta tell you, Lena, it's fucking freezing.

Coffee. Legends say it was brought to Europe by a Pole,

Jerzy Franciszek Kulczycki.

Was it his way of avoiding frozen foods shift?

Probably not.

But it could your chance.

Just raise your hand.

What do you think? Let's not stand here like two penguins.

I'll do it.

Great, Lena! Come up to the cart, I'll show you how it goes.

No, Lena already got an assignment for today.

Maddie can replace her. Lena, make Maddie a cup of coffee.

I've had two already, boss.

Take another one so you don't get cold.

Come on, Lena.

I don't know at which course I've heard this sentence:

If you have a thought, first think the opposite.

What is bussiness in 21st century? Let's think out of the box!

Think ahead of times, ahead of mentors, ahead of anything possible.

People can come here to get coffee, not groceries.

Milk, eggs? I got it at Goose.

- Then why are you here? - To get a coffee!

- To go? - No!

I want to drink it between dairy and frozen foods aisles!

That's pretty crazy! But healthy.

Who came up with this first? Competition?

Their minds don't even go there.

Honkoffee. I have a good feeling about this.

Lena, I have a great offer.

You get back to frozen foods and there will be no consequences.

That's a great offer but unfortunately I have to turn it down.

Don't even think you'll sell even one coffee.

How are you so sure?

This ain't your office where you drink soy latte and suck up to celebrities.

That's exactly how it looked.

This is Goose. You come here to get mirepoix for your chicken soup.

We'll see.

Hi, could I get a coffee with milk?

Of course!

But we have to find an electric outlet. Let's go over to the fridges...

Sorry, I'm in a hurry...

He's gone. But I know where's an outlet you could use.

Really? Where?

Up Wlodek's ass that you've been kissing all day.

Frozen fries just for 8.99

- Maddie? - Yeah?

How come you're so fast today?

It slapped me more than I thought it would. But it's okay, work is easier.

- What was the dosage? - Triple.

Triple? How come?

He gave me three just to try it.

But he said I have to pay for next ones.

That's my strategy to make them addicted.

Dang. You're right.

I want more already.

Okay, I'm going 'cause I'm hyper.

Jesus Christ.

Wlodek, I beg you, forget this cafe 'cause it'll get us in trouble!

Domi, I'll get you happy pills from America. They're a hit over there.

Boss, how much was it?

It wasn't cheap.

Kaziu, think about a number.

- Got it. - Add three zeros.

A milion?

Subtract three zeros.

It's all about investement. But if my wife found out about it...

You haven't told your wife?

What for? "Wlodek, don't you have enough on your mind?"

"Wlodek, do you want to go bankrupt?"

Go bankrupt?

My wife is a lovely woman but unfortunately...

She tends to exaggerate.

You really leave me no choice.

You're gonna yap to the headquarters?

Relax, Kazik. I'm not a rat.

Coffee?

Coffee?

Hello, would you like some coffee?

25 for a latte?

I can get two bags of coffee for that!

COFFEE ONLY TODAY: 50% OFF

- What are you doing? - Promoting coffee on sale.

I need to get more, people are buying it like crazy.

Go away, you ruining my bussiness.

I can't. Domnika told me to stand right here.

She's doing it on purpose.

Stop following me.

By "right here" she meant...

next to you.

Marlena strikes again! Marek and...

And Lena.

You know...

Where's Wlodek?

Wlodek, we need to talk!

What an occasion! Lena, meet my wife, Suzy!

Call me Zuza. Wlodek still hasn't left Greenpoint in his heart

- Hi. - Lena. Hi.

That's where we've met. I went there to search for my father.

As it turned out, he had another family already...

And there's an American version of Wlodek and...

But I came back with my wonderful wife.

What an occasion! Three managers of three biggest departments of my life.

My house, the cafe and the store.

In descending order of importance of course.

Wlodek was just telling me about the big success of the cafe I didn't know existed.

I haven't told you?

I told you! When you were falling asleep. In our bed. I did tell you.

Right! We're not going to talk about our intimate matters here.

Although I assure you this department is very exciting as well.

Of all possible days you chose today!

I was in the neighbourhood.

What a coincidence!

Wlodek was telling us that you're an excellent barista!

So good that you're coffee is soon going to pay for the coffee machine.

Lena, this could easily end badly.

Either you tell the truth and make peace with defeat,

Or start bluffing.

But remeber the words of Archduke Leopold Wilhelm:

One who lies to boss' wife ends fucking badly.

Yes, soon we'll get there.

How many coffees do you sell per day?

It's hard to say.

Okay. I understand.

So maybe we should go to the store and see this great success.

Great idea!

What are you talking about? She's a mother of two, she has no time for drugs.

She gets money for drugs from the state. 500+ twice.

- 800 - But wouldn't that be 1000?

They give 800 for per one child.

We have to intervene.

Let's save her.

Well, I have to get back to the checkout.

Kazik?

I have to...

Keep things under control. Only couple of bags of coffee are left.

When you visit her in rehab...

remember who's fault it is.

But people are going mad about the last bag of coffee on sale!

Thay have ants in their pants.

Frozen pierogis only for 14.99

Wow, what a crowd!

- And I can get whatever coffee I want? - Sure! Drink it, stand there for a moment.

Can I get a scratchcard instead?

Get two coffees.

Lubow. Go get me a coffee from Lena, will you?

Why can't you do it yourself?

- She won't sell it to me. - Why?

She said I've had too many.

How many did you have?

Not too many.

I can... I can stop whenever I want.

So? Will you go?

Americano for you. There's sugar.

I don't need it. Thank you.

Another satisfied customer. Well done, Lena!

What the hell is this?

Maybe you could use some sugar after all?

I burnt my tongue!

You give out hot coffee without any warning?!

You didn't warn him the coffee is hot?

Coffee is always hot.

Are you suggesting I'm dumb? I won't let this slide!

Sir, I'm very sorry for my colleague.

Domi, show our guest the fridge. Maybe he can get some icepop to soothe the burn.

Go ahead!

What a situation!

What a moron. Everybody knows coffee is hot.

He can sue us for big money!

He most surely will sue us!

He will sue us because he burnt his tongue?

He burnt it with our coffee! He will want compensation!

You haven't heard about that Arizona case?

This woman won 3 milion lawsuit against a coffee shop chain. What chance do we have?

Lena, why did you do this to me?

Fried tongue in coffee glaze. A treat!

Hear how it sizzles? I'd say it's well done.

Remarkable dish but it doesn't suit every pocket.

Thanks to your courtesy, Wlodek will pay a fortune for it.

Bon appetit!

It wasn't my fault!

Sure, you only gave him the coffee. It's the owner who always faces the charges.

We need to come up with a settlement.

Excuse me, I'd like to buy a coffee.

What coffee? There is no coffee! You better focus on getting your groceries!

- Coffee is no more! - What do you mean "no more"?!

Back to work. Go. Now.

Frozen foods on sale. Only today at Goose.

Strawberry flavour! That's my favorite, too!

Have a few more to go. It's on us.

Because of you I have a high-degree burn.

There are articles for such slander without any evidence.

Do you know what frauds like you get in prison?

Pardon!

I have witnesses!

We shouldn't make any rushed decisions.

I was thinking...

Maybe this would help you make up your mind?

Maybe this would help you make up your mind?

100 dollars?

The exchange rate is steadily rising. Keep it long enough and you'll have more.

In US they say a dollar is like a new bitcoin.

What are you talking about? I'm a man of God.

I consider our first stage of negotiations successful.

I'll come back to you...

With some solutions.

Show me your tongue.

You're jonesing?

Maddie?

I don't know how I'm supposed to pick up my kids.

Listen.

Do you know how many of my friends lost their families 'cause of this shit?

24?

None.

I don't want you to be the first.

Next time I see you bipped I'll tell Wlodek.

Have some coffee. It'll help you get back on your feet.

Frozen pierogis with berries. Only today at Goose for 14.99

Kazik's making sure he won't call his lawyer.

But I don't know for long we can stop him from doing that.

What should we do?

Start eracing the evidence. Make this cart dissappear.

You're right.

But I think he won't let this go.

Maybe Lena should step up and apologise to him.

She got us into this lawsuit.

There's no lawsuit yet!

- Yet! - Right.

Lena, apologise to him.

I think he's a loner so if you could go on a date with him it would really help us!

But don't get coffee together.

Wlodek, maybe I should also give him a lapdance?

I'm fine with this.

Your suggestion was extremely sexist, boss!

Alright, I'm sorry! I take it back!

Apologise without the date thing.

No. I won't do it.

Even kids know you can get a burn.

So you're suggesting we should all lose our jobs and Wlodek should go to jail?

No, I didn't say that.

I just googled that similar situation led to a complete falldown of a restaurant.

Thank you, Lena.

Okay! You won.

I'll tell him I'm sorry.

But I think it's pointless and I don't think it's my fault.

Great. Very good.

Just skip the second part.

Lena?

Don't fuck this up.

Oh boy, I'm falling apart.

What are you doing to your employees here?

Chill. Why you so nervous?

My brother-in-law works at city guard.

I'll tell him what happened to me here.

I haven't seen your tongue so I'd say nothing happened to you.

For the third time: I won't show you mu tongue!

- So you're lying. - Excuse me?!

I've seen no evidence of any burn.

Okay, look.

Normal, red tongue.

Because it's burnt!

I had a similar attention-seeker as a cellmate.

He also walked around stores and tried to scam honest people.

No one would ever shake hands with you at our prison.

I've never encountered such rabble.

I'll write a complaint against you.

- Oh, what a loser. - You're a loser!

Happy hour is over.

Stop!

Leave me alone!

Listen! Yet another time it turns out that a simple "sorry" can make miracles happen!

Good job, Lena!

Marek...

Get this cart and put it in the storeroom.

If someone asks - it was never here.

- Sure thing. - Let's go.

You did a great job with this coffee!

- Excuse me? - Good thing you burnt him.

He burnt himself.

Nevermind. What's important is that the cafe is gone.

Sorry, maybe I should have gone easier with the lawsuit, but I know what works on him.

So there wasn't any downfall...?

There wasn't.

Lawsuits like that in Poland?

You're such a rookie.

But remember. Next time don't join his excitement about those stupid ideas.

Domnika's here to nip them in the bud.

Great. Thanks.

See you tomorrow, Lena.

It's going to be a great fucking day.

Tomorrow: frozen foods.

Don't forget to wear layers.

I'll tell you my secret: I'm wearing underpants.

I recommend it.

And my thermos with coffee. But don't burn your tongue!

Do you remember the words of Archduke Leopold Wilhelm?

- I'm fucked. - You are.