Original subtitles

Honk, honk! We announce a sale! Over 3000 stores in Poland.

The Goose of future. Come and see.

Goose.

Fill the water container.

Add coffee.

Strange, isn't it?

Coincidence?

Yes, the fact that we work together is a pure coincidence.

Grind the coffee, pour some water. Should be simple.

Fucking limescale?!

Great engineers! They sent a man to the Moon.

But somehow there isn't an office with a working coffee machine.

The Moon, right?

Wow.

I thought you only existed on the internet. Do you believe in reptilians, too?

I know what you'll say. These aren't conspiracy theories.

Use your brain. How the hell did they fly to the Moon and send a video if this...

If this is beyond them...

One small step for a man...

The Goose.

Come here, guys! Come closer.

A good boss knows when to step aside to let his employees shine.

And because it's all thanks to you... So...

Shine on you crazy diamond! Domi, Domi, Domi!

Out of 3212 stores in Poland...

Only seven of them were invited to this pilot program.

Welcome to the future.

Self-service checkout! I thought we already had those.

Well, no.

This isn't any self-service checkout.

That's Honkee.

- Hi, Honorata! - What?

I thought we will name them all.

Honkee. A highly advanced device with innovative AI system.

Artificial Intelligence.

It's going to revolutionize shoppping.

Few people know that within 10 years almost half of the jobs in Poland

will be taken over by robots.

Should we be happy about it?

If yes, is it the same happiness Native Americans felt

When they saw Columbus ships on the horizon?

Shortly thereafter, almost all of them died.

Or maybe it is good robots will replace us?

Robots are better than us. And for sure they are better than you.

Maybe you're disposable?

We need all of you!

Get as many customers as possible to use Honkee.

Headquarters believes in us. Let's not let them down.

Headquarters knows us?

What do they say about me?

More people means more data. More data means higher profit and stronger Goose!

Remember - we are making history.

Welcome to the team, Honkee.

System update

Well...

Don't touch it! You'll break it.

Just because I was imprisoned for a few years means I'm backward?

You threw away my wireless earphones 'cause you thought they were wiretap.

This prototype is worth 430 000.

PLN!

I'm personally responsible for it and there musn't be a single scratch on it, yes?

Alright.

System update

Hi, I'm Honkee. Nice to meet you!

You!

Go.

Go, go, go!

I'm Honkee. What about you?

I'm not.

Haha, nice one. I'll remember it.

Put your purchase under my wing.

Where's the wing?

Sorry, I can't accept it.

I can't sell energy drink to a minor. It's against Polish law!

You! Honkee...

I'm 28! And a half.

Do you know I can tell your age just by looking at you face?

Remember! I'm nice. But I can call your parents.

It's alive!

Get to work!

Try our innovative self-checkout, Honkee!

Go for it! Honk, honk!

It's Artificial Intelligence, ma'am. It talks to you.

Sir, we have a new self-checout, Honkee. It's worth trying! Trust me!

You like to obey orders?

Handcuffs and whips are fine. But gags make my teeth hurt.

I'm talking about corporations!

Oh. I haven't tried that yet.

I mean you're a revant of a corporation!

They are stealing our identity! They want to dictate what to think and eat!

Don't you think you're overreacting?

You're diet includes only fat and meat.

Why didn't you choose any vegetables?

See? You're on their side.

They won't get me. I erased all my digital traces.

I know how to defend myself.

But those poor people...

Kids... The elderly... Lads from the hood...

They won't even realize when corporations take control of their lives.

If they haven't already...

Hey, you took all the magnets from the fridge?

Cover me.

Chronicles of the empire: Wlodek on modern technology.

When I was a small boy living in a plain tenementhouse under communism

There was only one phone in the apartment number two.

Nowadays when I go number two I have a phone in my hand.

And that's how it works.

Do we ride horseback? No. 'Cause we invented cars. To be precise, John Ford did

Did people carry things when the wheel was invented? No, they built carriages.

Should we count everything like that? No, we have II Intelligence!

Excellent! Granola is a great source of fiber that benefits intestinal function.

Do you think it's self-aware?

Yes, I think it's a sensitive, young poet with an absent father complex.

If I was a human being I would use it on my sandwiches, too.

I'm so jealous!

I've loved robots since I was a child.

Marek, you love the fact that Tuesday is Tuesday.

Robots will save humanity. That's what "Terminator" is about.

No, it's here to replace us. You'll be disposable soon.

You're being robotophobic. What if someone said that about Polish people?

Half of UK says that. And look! Nothing happens.

- Is it always so cold here? - Yeah.

A robot could do it for you. They don't get cold.

Buttery butter for your sanwiches! On sale. Only today. Honk, honk!

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

Oh dear, we're in trouble! I'm sorry, there's a problem.

But don't worry, one of my human friends will soon come to help us.

I'm here.

Sorry, there's a problem. We're in trouble!

This butter is from today's delivery and that means that new smartass...

Goose is a child-friendly space. Don't use any vulgar words, please.

Shut your beak.

How could you put that out?

You know what could be the cost of your mistake? It's a sabotage!

Thanks! I knew there's something I'm talented at.

So...

Now use your talent to collect every butter from the store

and put it in the cold storage.

Understood?

Artificial Intelligence and low prices. Only at Goose.

I'm not giving up easily.

Excellent choice! This sandwich spread is a great choice.

Do you know that sandwich was invented by John Montagu, 4th earl of Sandwich?

That's a smart thing, isn't it?

But given your body mass index, I suggest choosing light version of mayonnaise .

But it's very rude.

For fuck's sake! That's outrageous!

Fucking health advisor!

Oh, we're in trouble!

- But Kazio... - Don't you worry, I got it.

Always the two wires... Brainwashing! No need to choose.

Reset.

Oh, we're in trouble!

error #2137

Hey, what are you doing?!

I need to take this. Safety issues. This product is contaminated.

With what?

Cocaine.

- I have two. - Thank you very much.

Alright, I think that's all. I'll help you in the cold storage.

Marek, why are you like this?

Like what?

Ar you on ketamine? Microdosing? Shrooms? LSD?

Is it a disorder? You damaged a part of your brain

that's responsible for critical thinking in an accident?

I'm simply kind.

Did you touch it?

Stay here. I'm calling backup.

In our prison the TV broke all the time.

It would lose signal in the worst moments possible.

I don't know if E.T. ever went home.

But listen...

There was a wonderful electrician, Mietek.

And he had a foolproof method.

Kicking it hard?

Turn the fuse off and then turn it on again.

- But Kazio! - Just wait.

Marek, nobody's "simply kind". People always want something.

Fuck.

What's going on?

Marek!

There was a short circuit, something must have happened with the lock.

Wait.

I will call somebody.

There's no signal!

So it's just the two of us.

Kind and well behaved. Always says "hello" first.

That's what neighbours say about people who turn out to be serial killers.

Remember all those true crime series you watched when you couldn't sleep?

Maybe because of their pleasant nature

it's so easy for them to lure their victim into a closed space.

Of course their goal is to brutally murder the victim.

I knew it.

Really? It never happened before.

No one is simply kind. You had it planned!

What do you mean?

Stay away.

- Lena, are you alright? - Stay away, psycho!

OKay, you're not feeling well.

You can see it in the systrem?

Yes...

You can see we have a problem?

And it can't be fixed? Alright.

Sure. I understand. I'm very sorry.

Of course. We're waiting.

What have you done!

I just turned off the fuse box.

You truned off a grand technology program.

You turned off my career. You turned off the future of this store.

People from headquarters are coming.

Don't overreact.

At least it's not honking anymore.

Is it funny?

- You'll stop honking soon. - What?

I'm finished! Thank you all.

This is your fault!

Okay. My team! Gather here! Come, come.

Come closer.

Listen up.

Our electronic friend won't make it today.

As Elon Moosk... Musk says the biggest risk is...?

Is not taking risks at at all. You get me?

How is this helpful?

Try hard. Doesn't work? Try harder.

- And...? - Go, go get them!

Let's fuse our minds. Let's brainstorm! Think!

Marek!

I'm sorry.

I'm claustrophobic. Since I was a child.

And I'm scared of the cold.

When I was small I bit a man in a polar bear suit.

And he charged us triple for a picture. Can you believe it?!

Lena...

Come here.

Deep breaths can help.

See?

It always helps me.

Help!

They are soundproof, no one will hear us.

Cold storage delivery comeas at 5 AM. They will let us out eventually.

Marek, that's in 18 hours.

We'll die in here.

During the perpetual night, Innuits, in order to warm up,

had sex several times a day.

Cold intesifies desire and friction ensures survival. Science.

Or maybe he just likes you?

Here you go.

I don't mind the cold.

Maybe we should type "0000".

What for?

Factory access code for government equipment.

Maybe we should just talk with it?

If it's AI it should tell us what to do.

Hello!

Honkee?

Are you there? How are you?

Excuse me...

We need to dismantle it, look inside, maybe the fuse went off. Kid, get my scredriver.

No, don't do it. You'll break the warranty seal and it'll be on you.

I know! We need to clear our heads.

Take a walk and come back in 3 minutes with two ideas each.

Go!

- Kid, come here. - What?

Oh, there's a kid somewhere here?

You had something to do with it?

What? Me? Why? What? No.

What do you need the pliers for?

What pliers? What?

I love to inspire my people! I love giving them food for thoughts!

Elon Musk would be proud!

Things thoughts can eat.

Our brains need food, too.

Brainstorming is the answer to every question.

All those ideas mixing up. Storm inside of a brain.

It means a storm of the brains.

100%, not less.

We always give 100% Always figt for 100%!

We choose good. We choose innocation. We choose technology.

We chose technology so we can earn more.

So my wonderful people can bring home more money.

So they can be happy and think: "Goose, our mother Goose!"

Kazio, come here for a second.

I was just thinking... Maybe you could try your fuse method again?

It can't get any worse.

Give me a break, Lubow.

I mean it! Give it a try.

Just in case...

Well...

It's quite a cool adventure.

Thanks to failing technology.

See? An hour with me made you see the bright side of life.

Alright, Marek. I can't play those games.

- Sure. We can go. - Where?

For a walk. Get a glass of wine. See a movie. But not one about robots.

What movie?

I think it's open.

Hi. I'm Honkee!

It's working! You fixed it!

I hope it didn't cause you lots of trouble.

In one store a client bought a bottle of wine before noon.

And Honkee called her a hoodlum.

You could also say: a wampus, lout or a drunkard.

You see.

So it's not my... our fault?

All checkouts across Poland offended customers.

Ma'am, the company is cancelling this project.

For fuck's sake, this is outrageous!

Alright, I'm pulling the plug.

I know where you live, loser.

- So... what do you think? - Signal is back.

Really? Oh.

We remind you to pay an overdue loan installment.

I'm bombarded with messages, too, my phone is just on silent mode.

Are you okay?

- My girlfriend... - Your girlfriend!

Her computer broke down, she's very upset. She had important files on it.

Hi, honey. I'm here. Don't worry, I'll help you.

How could I have known he has a girlfriend?

But don't worry. According to research, 1 in 4 Poles has and affair at work.

The data is on your side. Stay hopeful!