Original subtitles

When I look back on it,

I still can't make sense of how a normal kid like me

ever wound up meeting Buck Howard.

When I was five years old,

my dad asked me what I wanted to be

when I grew up.

I said I wanted to drive a steamroller and he said, "No,

you want to be a lawyer."

I said astronaut. He said lawyer.

I said policeman. He said lawyer.

So we compromised... on lawyer,

which is how, 20 years later,

I ended up in law school.

And even though this was my father's dream,

for the first couple of years

I bought into the whole thing,

until one day.

I finished an exam early and I just sat there thinking,

thinking that somewhere there must be somebody

whose dream it is to be a lawyer,

but after more than two years in law school,

I hadn't met a single one.

And suddenly it occurred to me...

I'm not happy.

I gotta get out of here.

So this moment right here

became my last chance to stop everything,

hit pause,

and find a dream before it was too late.

Late or not, it felt fantastic.

Of course, I hadn't told my father any of this,

but I was pretty sure that he'd understand.

I just had to present my case.

Hey, Dad. Well, school's tough.

You know, Contracts is really hard.

See? I would have been a terrible lawyer.

The thrilling thing, though,

is that now all I had were options.

I could do anything I wanted.

You name it, I thought of being it.

I could be a private investigator,

a test driver for NASCAR,

or a talk show host.

How do you get that job, anyway?

The truth, though, is that I did have an idea

in the back of my head.

I had always had this secret dream of becoming a writer.

And while I didn't know how to get that job either,

I did have a pen and paper.

So I just did what came naturally.

And that's when I was hit by something else...

reality... the reality of having to find something to do

to pay for little things like food and rent,

and getting my car fixed. I had to find a job,

but who said it couldn't be something with a little adventure,

something with words like "celebrity" and "performer" attached to it?

And that's how it happened.

That's how I found myself

meeting the one and only Great Buck Howard.

You must be Troy.

- I'm Gil. - Oh, hi. I'm Troy.

- Sorry I'm late. - Relax. It's not a problem.

Let's grab a seat.

He should be here any minute.

We were impressed you'd been to law school.

I should probably explain that. Uh...

I didn't finish, actually.

Good evening, Mr. Howard.

Oh, here he is.

Buck!

Big Buck!

I'm Buck Howard.

Troy Gable.

Young man, I am delighted that you are interested in this job.

I am very busy. I did over...

One thought kept racing through my mind as Buck talked...

I had no idea who this guy was...

and I guess it must have shown.

You do know who I am, don't you?

Uh...

You have seen "The Tonight Show"?

You have to say "with Johnny Carson,"

not the nitwit who's on there now.

Buck did "The Tonight Show"... with Johnny...

61 times.

I think... you're a magician, right?

Buck's a mentalist.

Magician is kind of a dirty word around here.

I was a magician... when I was three years old,

but I evolved out of that. Not that I have anything against magicians,

as long as they're dead.

Buck's been on all the big shows...

Jim Nabors, Jon Davidson, Sally Jesse Raphael.

Dinah... he was the co-host on "Dinah!" many times.

He's performed all over the world... Las Vegas...

but not lately.

Yourjob would be to take care of all of Buck's travel,

and then to go on the road with him

to ensure the engagements were handled smoothly.

It is a very demanding but ultimately rewarding job.

For instance, in a few months' time

we'd be very hard at work on a benefit that I started

for sick children with my friend George Takei,

who is perhaps best known for his portrayal of Sulu

on "Star Trek." He is a dear friend.

This certainly wasn't the kind ofjob

my father would have envisioned for me,

but there was something kind of exciting about Buck.

He told these long stories about a world full of his famous friends...

Johnny Carson, Ed McMahon...

The Captain & Tennille.

It was wonderful to meet you, young man.

I think this can all work out.

Gil, call me later.

So the job's yours if you want it...

pays $650 a week to start.

Uh...

yeah, it sounds great.

Good. You'll be going to Bakersfield this weekend,

somebody will meet you and show you the ropes.

Good luck, Troy.

Thank you, Gil.

Edward, your younger readers may not be aware

that it was actually Johnny Carson who dubbed me the Great Buck Howard.

Do you recall what trick you did that night?

It's not a trick. It's an effect.

Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't realize there was a difference.

Troy.

Edward, I'm going to give you a coin.

I would like you to grasp it between your thumb and your forefinger.

I'm going to count, and whenever you feel compelled to do so,

you simply drop the coin. Do you understand?

Ready? One, two,

three.

Troy, could you show Edward what's written on that piece of paper?

Welcome to Bakersfield! I'm Sheila Heller.

I'm Buck Howard.

This is Alan, Troy... and this is Edward.

He is a magazine writer who is doing a profile on me.

- Oh, yeah. - It's going to be a cover story, right?

- Right. - Buck needs to head back to the hotel

to prepare for the performance,

but if you could show Troy and I around...

Oh, that would be no problem at all.

I love to come to the venue first

and meet the people like you

who keep these places up and running. Cha-cha-cha.

Dude, check it out. I like that... nice and big, bro.

Right through here is where we have the main celebrity dressing room,

which of course is for Buck.

- And we have snacks. - Where's the brandy?

Oh! God, I knew we forgot something.

I'm so sorry.

- I'll send out for a bottle right away. - Okay.

Okay. Yeah. Sorry.

- Excuse me. - Go ahead.

Okay. All right.

Oh my God.

Ah, but it's part of my job.

You know what I'm saying?

There aren't many cues, but don't let that lull you to sleep.

Do you have that intro?

Please tell Buck I am so sorry about the crowd.

I thought it would at least be half full.

Go tell Buck he's on,

and if he asks, tell him it's a huge crowd.

So...

Come in.

- How's the crowd? - Uh, it's pretty full.

Pretty full? What does that mean?

Nothing. It's a big crowd.

- It's a packed house. - Great! Let's do it.

Uh, Buck, this way.

Let's do it!

Are you ready?

Yes, of course I'm ready. Let's go.

He's ready. House lights down, stage lights down, cue tape.

...search in sullen silence on a dull dark dock...

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you a man

who has performed in over 27 countries

on radio, television, and other media,

including "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson."

- Presenting the Great Buck Howard! - Spotlight.

Whoa! There we go!

Stupid amateurs.

I love this town.

All right. Next cue's in 15 minutes when he goes over to the piano.

I'll be outside.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I will need a volunteer.

In fact, these two handsome,

strapping young lads down in front will do perfectly...

Here's the thing that struck me about Buck

as I watched the progression of his show:

He was cheesy... there was no denying that...

but he also had a sort of timeless charm

that the audience really seemed to love.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Now, I asked you to choose a number between one and 100.

But you didn't, did you?

I guess I didn't.

Did you choose the number zero?

Whoa.

- Whoa, zero. - God...

Zero.

Isn't that wild, folks? Isn't that wild?

...deep and profound sleep.

Nighty-night.

What the world needs now

Is love, sweet love...

Now I'll need to impose on you one last time

before I vanish.

I will need four volunteers, two of whom

will go with me to the green room.

The other two will stay here in the auditorium...

Hey.

...and they will take my entire fee in cash

and they will hide that fee in here.

If I am unable to find that cash when I return,

that money will stay here in Bakersfield, California.

I love this town!

I saw him do this last week in Stockton.

Apparently he's never failed to find his money

in over 5,000 tries.

Hmm.

I'll let you choose your four volunteers.

Guys, come on. We have to go to the green room.

Gentlemen, this is my entire entourage,

just so you can see there's absolutely nothing fishy going on

while they hide my money.

You'll be my witnesses.

Would either of you like a signed photograph?

- Oh... - Yeah.

Alan, some signed photos, colored ones, please.

I don't see any of the colored ones.

Seek and ye shall find, Alan. They're in there.

My ink pen, please. Ink pen.

- Thank you, Troy. - Black and white's fine.

No, it's not. It's not fine.

- Alan? - Buck, these are the only ones we have.

Mr. Howard, they're ready for you.

Oh, well that's fantastic news.

Sorry, folks, there won't be any photograph

due to Alan's incompetence.

I'd still like a black and white.

What's the point in having a black and white?

What's the point?

Let's go.

- Thanks a lot. - I'm sorry.

Sir, may I look in your right shoe, please?

Oh, well. I thought it would be more.

How did he do that?

I love this town!

- ...in front of these people. - The only humiliation is

- that you're incompetent. - That's not true!

- It is true. - Come out and say that to my face!

Go on, get the hell out of here.

Leave the petty cash with Troy.

- That's my money. - Oh yeah, Buck?

Well, you suck!

I can't train you anymore. You're gonna have to figure it out for yourself.

I don't even know where to begin.

It's not that complicated. Listen,

if you take this job, you're an idiot.

Do you underst...

Troy, I'm sorry you had to see this.

Edward, this wouldn't be a pleasant story.

I'm sure you wouldn't want to write that down.

Alan, I think it's time for you to leave.

- No, okay... - Otherwise, I'm gonna call security.

Oh, call security, you fossil!

Well, I guess this is adios, fellas.

Excuse me for interrupting. Could I have your autograph?

Anything for a beautiful young lady.

Oh!

Did you enjoy the show?

Oh, I didn't see the show. In fact, I didn't even know you were here.

There was nothing about it in the paper or anything.

I used to watch you all the time on the Carson show, though.

That's super.

There you go.

Thank you.

Something's bothering you, it seems.

That whole thing with Alan...

Alan and I have been having problems for years.

That's why I had to let him go.

Troy, I know you have aspirations beyond this job.

Well, no matter what you decide to do in the future,

you'll need life experience. I can give you that.

Some very big things are about to happen for me.

What kind of things?

Well, Troy, why don't you stick around a while,

work with me? Maybe you'll find out.

Deal?

I dove in.

My life became all Buck Howard all the time.

The auditoriums we played in were old

and usually half full but Buck didn't seem to notice.

The minute he came out on stage, he was in his element.

Buck walked the edge. Everything he did,

he made the impossible seem possible.

Isn't that wild?

It's wild!

Buck did have his following,

- and we went to them. - I love this town!

For some reason, the people of Akron, Ohio went nuts for him.

I saw parts of the country I'd never seen before...

- Welcome to Willamette, Oregon! - I love this town!

That I'd never heard of before...

Welcome to Wausau, Wisconsin!

I love this town!

Buck did have his quirks.

How much did you tip the bellman?

$2.00.

That's it?

You represent me, Troy.

You're making me look cheap.

Here you go. Thanks.

Troy, can you come in here?

Did you just give the bellman $10.00?

- Yes, why? - It's far too much.

$1.00 cash, American, per bag.

I am not made of money.

And sometimes he went beyond quirky.

They pick me up in a minivan.

This show is already ruined!

You are incompetent!

Yeah, Buck could be difficult, frustrating,

and at times I had to wonder why I put up with it all.

Mr. Howard.

I want to thank you so much for having me.

I just wanted to say, though, I won't be doing

the "You can call me RayJay" bit.

I don't want to do that.

And by the way, is Mr. Takei here?

Um, no, he's uh... he won't be with us this year.

My college roommate was managing

a multimillion dollar hedge fund

and here I was helping Buck Howard

with his benefit starring Gary Coleman

and the guy from the "Police Academy" movies.

The strange thing was that I didn't mind.

- Hello, Buck Howard. - It was kind of cool.

Or sad, depending on how you looked at it.

You gotta tell me how you do it.

I keep getting older and you look the same.

- Clean living. - Yeah, clean living,

and keeping all your money under a mattress, right?

Anyhow, Buck, I want to really thank you for calling me.

You know, nobody calls me anymore.

Buck, we're ready to start.

Have a great show, everyone.

I would like to dedicate this next song

to a once very very dear friend of mine,

Sulu, from "the Star Trek,"

Mr. George Takei.

George,

may the force be in you.

What the world needs now...

No matter how corny Buck's show could be,

and no matter how much he yelled at me before it,

I never missed the money effect.

It was the one part of the show that always amazed me.

Ladies and gentlemen, my money.

Ladies and gentlemen, my money.

And without fail, it always amazed the audience.

True, it would be a pleasure to retrieve it personally.

As a gentlemen, I fear I must refrain,

for my money is in your brassiere.

Ladies and gentlemen, there's the money!

I hadn't found my place in the world.

But this finale was Buck's place,

and just getting to be a part of it

made me feel like I was on the right track.

Troy, we have the last of the Great Buck autograph seekers.

A colored photograph. To whom shall I address it?

Dad, what are you doing here?

I was gonna ask you the same question.

- Uh... - Troy, this is your father?

I didn't know you had family in Leesburg.

He doesn't.

Sir, what a pleasure.

I'm Buck Howard.

But before you congratulate me on the show

I have to congratulate you on something.

I want you to know you have raised a very fine young man

who is doing a wonderful job for me.

Hmm. I thought he was in law school,

because that's what he told me.

But I am thrilled to hear that he's doing a wonderful job for you.

Uh-oh.

You know, Mr. Gable, I can imagine how you feel.

My father didn't want me to go into show business.

He wanted me to be an accountant.

Obviously that wasn't my calling.

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna touch that.

But if carrying your bags is Troy's calling, well then I just

wasted a lot of money on his education.

- Dad. - Troy, may I?

You know, sir, I have a theory about that.

I call it my onwards and upwards theory.

Perhaps you noticed in the musical portion of my...

Listen, I'd like to talk to my son alone.

Very well. I was merely trying to add

a little perspectivo, as the Latins say.

I think you've done that.

Very well. Good evening.

Troy, you can bring that and toss my salad when you get back to the hotel.

That's a hell of a guy.

Dad, I'm sorry.

I haven't heard from you in over a month.

I had to call your friends like I was some kind of freaking cop.

I know.

I would have killed to go to law school, Troy.

I would have killed.

I hated it.

- I wasn't happy. I... - You think I danced out the front door

every morning in my adult life happy

about where I was gonna be spending my day?

I don't know what you're doing here.

I don't think you do either.

But come on. You're smarter than this.

You are.

You are smarter than this.

I hope he enjoys his Cobb salad.

I just don't think, uh...

I don't think I can do this anymore.

I'm sorry. I have to resign.

I have to resign.

Gil's not here yet?

Uh, no, he's not.

Buck, there's something I need to discuss with you.

Sorry I'm late. Traffic.

Can we talk later? We'll get back to this,

but there is some business I need to discuss.

I've tried.

I'm on the horn to the guys at Leno, Letterman, every week.

They want to have you on the show. They're just booked tightly right now.

Letterman I understand because I don't have a history there.

But this Jay Leno... I think he's doing his show a great disservice

by not having me. I practically built "The Tonight Show."

I know we need to get you some attention right now.

I speak to the bookers in Vegas.

I tell them you're better now than you've ever been.

They tell me they just need to see it.

If they need to see something,

I've got something I can show them.

For the past three years I have been rehearsing in secret

a new effect. I can't even tell either of you what it is.

It's not that I don't trust you, but I cannot afford

that the tabloids get a hold of this now.

Let me just say it is enormous.

And I think Cincinnati is the perfect place to unveil it.

They have always loved me in Ohio.

Not so much Ohio, but Akron.

It's close to Cincinnat... it's the same state.

I need you to call Steve Keating in New York at the top P.R. firm.

I want local press and national press.

I can feel this. It's gonna be huge.

Cincinnati.

Welcome to Cincinnati!

I love this town!

- I'm Doreen. - How do you do?

I'm Buck Howard.

This is my brother Kenny.

- Hello, Kenny. How are you? - Good.

On behalf of both of us,

and the Cincinnati chapter of the Red Hat Society,

I'd like to present you with this pin.

Well, my goodness.

Isn't that beautiful? Ow!

- Oh! - Agh! Mmm!

You may have drawn blood there.

- I'm so sorry. - It's all right.

It's a beautiful pin from a beautiful woman

and I will wear it while I'm here.

The entire time I'm here, I'll wear it for good luck.

Boy, I love to come to these venues before the show,

but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to get back to the hotel

because my press relations attache

has flown in for a rendezvous from the borough of Manhattan.

That's no problem at all. We're your hosts.

We'll be taking you anywhere you need to go the whole time you're here.

That's how we do it in Cincinnati.

I'm gonna drive you. We got a limo and everything.

I saw you, 1989, Bowling Green University.

You were awesome! Do you remember that?

Honestly, I do vaguely remember that.

But of course that's nearly 20 years ago,

and I do 400 or so shows a year.

You do 400 shows a year?

Yeah, uh, I'm doing the calculations in my head...

You might want to face that way.

And I don't even see how 300 dates is physically possible. I mean...

that's pretty much a show every night, you know?

I mean, where do you perform on Monday and Tuesday nights

and how does that allow for travel time?

Troy, he has to be checked in by now. It's Steve Keating. K-e-a.

Buck, I know how to spell. I told him his name a thousand times.

They're saying he hasn't checked in.

Well, this is absurd. I have to do the TV show this afternoon.

I don't have my press attach�,

I'm forced to be driven around by these two hayseeds all day long.

Maybe that's him, Troy. Get the door.

Hello.

Do I have the right room? I'm looking for Buck Howard.

Troy, can you hang up my pants, please?

How can I help you, miss?

Mr. Howard, I'm Valerie Brennan from K.P.T. Steve couldn't make it.

There was this emergency in London with Gary Oldman

so I will be working with you.

With you? You're practically an embryo.

I really don't take this very well.

I'm sorry. I don't like these kind of changes.

I have a very big weekend.

I have my show Saturday.

I have an enormous event planned for Sunday.

And I know all about it. I have been briefed.

It's gonna be perfect.

I know you hired Steve,

but I think I can fill in for him quite capably.

All right, young lady, we'll give it a shot, see how it goes.

Good. My name's Valerie.

Very well, Valerie.

This is Troy, my road manager.

Hi.

So why don't you get some rest?

The news is in a couple of hours

and I need to work on your schedule.

If you could spare Troy, that would be great.

He could help me roll some calls.

- Troy, do you mind? - No.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Thank you.

From the shining se-ee-ea...

So, you wanted to go over something?

Oh, no. I just want to go over a drink about now.

Can I have a scotch on the rocks?

- And you, sir? - Uh, same.

Very good.

I can't believe I'm in Cincinnati with Buck Howard.

Can I ask you something about Buck?

- Yeah. - Is he gay?

'Cause we got a bet going in the office.

I don't know.

So you're not his, um,

traveling companion, or...

- No. - Okay. Okay.

It just looked kind of domestic up in the room

with you handling his pants.

No, Buck's just my boss.

I'm just doing this to pay the bills,

you know, until I figure out...

What you really want to do.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

Okay, so, let me guess.

You... you're a good looking guy, so you're an actor.

No.

Stand up?

Oh, God no.

Okay, hold on, hold on.

Um, you're a writer.

- Did I get it? - No.

Yeah.

I do a little writing.

What little writing have you done?

Just little stuff, silly stuff,

stuff that's happened to me, or stuff that didn't happen that I wish happened,

things like that.

Well, you sound like a writer to me.

Hmm.

Thank you.

Hey, I didn't say you were a good writer.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

This was fun. It was nice.

So I'm gonna go freshen up for our big night out.

I'll see you at dinner.

I can't believe that you know Sulu from "Star Trek."

Hey, what about Spock? You know him too?

I've met Leonard Nimoy but I wouldn't say we're friends.

And for that matter, George and I

aren't on the best of terms at the moment, I'm afraid.

Mr. Howard, have you ever been married?

No, I've never met the right little lady.

Yeah, right.

As Shirley MacLaine said, "True love is supposed to be rare.

That's how we know it's valuable."

That's beautiful.

Shirley's actually a client of ours.

She is a very nice woman.

You know Shirley MacLaine?

That's what I do. I arrange and coordinate publicity for celebrities.

- Well, give us some dirt! - No!

We want to know who's sleeping with who!

- I take the fifth because... - I know Shirley. She...

- I cannot say anything complimentary. - She came to a show I did.

All right, tell us who's nice, then.

Okay. Um, so,

people like to make fun of Keanu Reeves,

right, 'cause he's...

but he is one of the sweetest guys you will ever meet.

Oh, you can tell that.

Tell him he kicked butt in "The Matrix"!

- Tell him. - Okay.

Um, and, um, Jay Leno...

he's just a regular guy from Boston.

Just really down to earth, really sweet.

You think Jay Leno is

just a regular sweet guy from Boston?

You don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about.

Well, I met Jay Leno a number of times

and he's always been really warm.

Then he was faking.

I know Jay Leno, missy. I know him.

I've dealt with Jay Leno.

- You'll have to trust me on this one. - I...

Buck Howard? To makeup.

No, Buck. This way.

Let's do it!

I'll be right back. I have to go call and check in on the boys.

She's great, my sister.

She's a genius,

very artistic, been married a whole bunch of times.

She's lived a glamorous life.

Sounds like it.

Hey.

How does Buck do his tricks?

I'm not gonna tell anyone, I swear.

I don't know. I don't...

You're his assistant. He's got to tell you something.

Kenny, as far as I know, it's real.

Damn.

They're gonna go to commercial in a couple of minutes.

Then we're on.

The producer says we can watch from the booth.

Okay.

You smell really nice.

Thanks.

Cindy Crown here, back with magician Buck Howard,

or the Great Buck Howard as he's more commonly known.

It is wonderful to have you in Cincinnati, Buck.

Thanks, Cindy. I'm very glad to be here.

Yes, and I understand you're here for a very special show.

That's correct, Cindy.

On Saturday evening,

I will be performing

at the Cincinnati Arts Complex.

I was afraid Ohio may have an arts complex,

but I never expected it would be in Cincinnati.

And on Sunday afternoon,

I'll be staging a very important event.

Why don't you tell us about that?

This has been top secret to this very moment.

At roughly 2:00 P.M.,

I will put to sleep

900 souls,

whom I will wake up immediately afterwards,

as if from the dead.

Well, that sounds just super.

Be sure to come out for both events, folks.

Now, I've heard you're going to do a warmup

by performing a magic trick on me.

Take this piece of paper in your left hand.

I'll need a coin. Ah!

Yes, there's one.

Oh!

I want you to hold that silver dollar in your hand

between your thumb and your forefinger.

I will begin counting.

Whenever you feel compelled, all you need to do is simply drop the coin.

Ready?

One, two,

three,

four.

Five.

- 20 seconds, Cindy. - six.

Cindy, you do understand that at some point in time

- you have to let the coin drop. - Oh, I'm sorry.

- Maybe I didn't understand. - 10 seconds, Cindy.

We're almost out of time.

But we can do this very quickly. Go ahead.

Hold out your hand. We'll try it one more time very quickly.

Ready...

- I'm sorry, we are out of time, Buck. - Oh my God.

- And thank you... - Cut 'em off.

- Let's don't drop the coin... - We're out.

Maybe you could come back at some other point in the future.

Listen, I'm sorry. Mr. Howard...

What the hell is wrong with that guy?

He won't pick up his phone and I'm trying to apologize.

I don't know what for, but I am trying to apologize.

It's okay. Just relax.

Trust me. This is what Buck is like.

Tomorrow he'll act like nothing happened.

What are we doing here?

I mean, seriously,

how on earth does a guy like you

wind up working with Buck Howard?

- I want to know. - I had just quit law school

and moved to L.A.

I bet you wish you'd just stayed in school right about now.

No way.

Look, Buck is no picnic,

but law school was... oh my God.

I would wake up every day there

just dreading life.

Look, I'll admit I have no idea what I'm doing,

and obviously I've got to quit this job and figure it out,

but I'm trying,

and it feels good.

It feels like what I'm supposed to do, you know?

Oh, come on. You're not supposed to do anything.

Life is not magical like that, okay?

No one is supposed to do anything.

How do you know that?

'Cause it boils down to the same thing for everyone,

from Buck Howard to Meryl Streep to you.

Most creative people, they just want the world to love and adore them,

which is infantile.

Okay, all right.

Maybe I'm naive, but

life is short,

you know? I mean, someday

we're not gonna be here.

And if that's the case,

I want to spend the time that I have doing something

that makes my heart race.

I don't care what that says about me.

It's how I feel.

That really turns me on.

Are you serious?

Yeah. That whole existential thing...

I have a boyfriend.

Oh, forget I said it.

- Hello? - Troy, are you asleep?

Buck, no, I'm awake.

I just think I'm coming down with something. What's up?

Where the hell is Valerie?

She's supposed to be organizing interviews for me today.

I have no idea where she is.

I don't know where she is exactly,

but I'm sure she's on top of it.

I'll try and track her down.

I was just on my way to the theater right now.

Well, I'll be in my room preparing for the show tonight.

I don't want to be disturbed unless it's for press.

Okay.

Spotlight on me. Buck will enter stage right,

come up to the microphone... "I love this town"...

do a few effects.

Eventually he will come over to the piano.

Basically just stay on Buck the whole time. That's all you...

- Hi. - Mmm.

- Uh... - Oh, uh...

I have to show you something.

Edward's article.

Now, I heard it was coming,

and I heard it was bad...

it's, I mean, yeah...

he pretty much makes fun of Buck the entire time.

Okay.

Uh, we can't let him see this.

No, it's this one right here, Mr. Howard.

Oh.

Mr. Howard, I just wanted to ask you if it would be okay

for me to introduce you before the show tonight.

No, it wouldn't be okay. I'm always introduced on tape...

always have been, always will be.

That's a nice outfit, though. Very becoming.

Just there, Kenny. Thank you.

- Kenny, that will be all, thank you. - Yep, okay.

I'm all over there.

Troy, this is urgent.

I don't want this Kenny fellow anywhere near me.

Our policy is "Out of the way, freak, I have to catch a train."

Do you understand?

Give him a photo, a colored one.

Actually, no, get him a black and white.

Second thing... why didn't we do any more interviews today?

What is the mental midget Valerie doing?

She got you an interview today.

In fact, they're on their way here right now.

- With who? - An internet columnist.

I don't even know that paper.

And it's here and now, in a few minutes.

I knew nothing about it.

This is the time I have to prepare for the show, Troy,

and what good would it do to do an interview now?

I think Valerie is concentrating more on tomorrow's big event.

She was told that the locals here would pack the place tonight.

Buck, I have Mark Simpson here to interview you.

Hello, young man. I have heard a lot about you.

- I'm a really big fan. - Whoa.

Come on over, sit with me. Pull you up a chair.

I won't have long to give you.

I've had a lot of press today.

Buck, are you ready?

Yeah.

Okay, Jeff, Buck is ready.

House lights down.

Cue tape.

Stage lights, please.

- What is she doing? - Thank you.

It's okay. She's got a big surprise for you.

I wanted to welcome the Great Buck Howard...

- Oh my God. - to Cincinnati in my own special way,

so I composed a little song. I hope he likes it.

Troy, stop her.

How?

Do you believe in magic?

Well, Buck Howard is here

He's gonna give a great show

So you don't have to fear

There'll be some magic

And some mentalism too

And if we're really lucky

He might even play the pian-oo

Do you believe in magic?

Do you believe in ma-a-gic?

Do you believe in ma-a-a-gic?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Buck Howard!

Come on, Buck!

The Great Buck Howard, everybody!

That was the most amateurish thing

I've had to live through in 40 years.

She nearly ruined the show.

There is a reason, Troy, I am called the Great Buck Howard.

Not the Okay Buck Howard, not the not Bad Buck Howard,

- the Great Buck Howard! - I know. I'm sorry.

I do not want to see either of those people

for the remainder of our stay here.

We rent our own car, a cheap one,

and we drive ourselves around.

- Do you understand? - Okay.

I barely got this show back tonight, Troy.

The audience thought we were clowns.

And by the way, you are partially to blame.

Buck, there is no way I could have known

that she was gonna pull that.

Yes, that's true. You only could have known

if you were someone who is observant.

But you're clearly not someone who is observant.

Could you leave my dressing room, please?

- He seemed really pissed. - He was.

She just wanted to sing, man, you know?

Kenny, I don't know what to tell you,

but this is the way it's gotta be.

Yeah.

He wanted you to have one of these, though.

Now that's class.

We mess up his whole show,

but he's still got enough goodness

to give me a really cool picture.

I will treasure this, Troy.

I know you will.

Who's this guy?

That's Alan. He was Buck's road manager before me.

There's like a whole section about him.

Buck is gonna die when he sees this.

It's hard to feel bad for him.

He has this face you just want to punch.

How does he do the things in his act?

I mean, how does he find the money?

- And I know you know. - I don't know.

I heard he has a guy who travels around with him

and he slips into the audience and he tells him where the money is.

How? When? He's being watched the whole time.

- He has a hearing aid. - He does not have a hearing aid.

Besides, that is impractical.

Buck would have to have someone on payroll year round,

and he's too much of a cheapskate for that.

You're cute,

'cause you like believing he's real, don't you?

I cannot wait for this weekend to be over.

Not that it... I didn't mean about...

I just hate working with...

you're great. This has been...

It's okay. It's okay.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be here.

I should just...

go back to my...

room.

Right?

Yeah, you should just go to your room.

Go ahead. Go. I'll see you in the morning.

What?

- Go to your room. - Troy, I...

I was just... are you...?

No, stay.

A night on my own in Cincinnati...

By this point,

all I could really think was one thing...

thank God I did not quit this job before Cincinnati.

The town hadn't been as kind to Buck, though.

But that didn't matter, because the whole weekend was about his big effect.

Buck was counting on it to change everything for him.

And on the day, it looked like it just might.

You're very good at what you do,

'cause this is a lot of people.

There's like 300 so far,

and the press turnout's great.

So yeah, if you just tell him

to go get ready, we're good.

Okay.

Thank you ma'am. Hi, just sign here and make your way...

Thank you. Silence, please. I need complete silence.

I have already begun to take a mental picture

of each and every one of you here.

If I feel you are not suited

to this task,

I will tap you on the shoulder

and for your own safety

you will go off to one side,

where you will become an observer

and no longer a participant.

Please focus on me.

Let no outside stimuli

break this little bubble we've formed between us.

This is getting to be the ideal group.

We're almost ready to begin.

Stop.

Members of the press, we're delighted that you're here,

but in order to ensure your ability to cover this event,

I urge you not to listen too carefully to what I am going to say.

Please. Now, let us begin.

Ladies and gentlemen, listen to the sound of my voice

and only my voice.

I will now count from one to 20.

While I am counting, you will slowly feel yourselves becoming tired.

In fact, more than tired. You will feel exhausted.

But this is good.

You have come to the right place.

This is the ideal locale to lie down and take a rest.

If you decide to lower yourselves

down to the ground,

be my guest. One, two,

three, four...

Hey hey.

six, seven...

eight, nine...

- Where are you going? - 10...

Where are you all going? Somebody has to stay here.

11, 12...

Jerry Springer has had some frickin' accident

and everyone's leaving to cover it.

- Did you say Jerry Springer? - 15...

Jerry Springer used to be like the mayor of Cincinnati...

- 17... - Are they gonna come back?

- Where was the accident? Was it close? - Columbia Parkway.

It was close.

20.

Jeez, he did it.

Jerry Springer got into a car accident on the Columbia Parkway

and they all got called away to cover it.

- Who? - Jerry Springer.

He was on a TV show a while back. It was kind of a big thing.

Prior to his TV show he was the mayor of Cincinnati,

so he's kind of popular here.

It's this pin. It is cursed!

Let's go.

I give up.

Buck...

What?

These people are still asleep.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up!

Wake up.

Make your way, thank you very much for coming.

Buck, I'm really sorry about your thing, it's...

Let me get this straight...

the entire local press corps had to leave to cover a traffic accident?

Yeah, uh... yeah.

Why didn't you get the national press here

as I asked? They wouldn't have had to leave.

I tried and I couldn't get any to come.

No, I'm sure you couldn't, because you were so busy

servicing Troy's needs that you couldn't service mine.

- Buck! - Don't say a word.

I've just performed one of the most stunning feats

in the history of mentalism,

and there was no one to see it.

This was going to change everything for me.

The two of you have delayed my resurgence by months.

And I will have you fired tomorrow morning, I promise you.

Let's go, Troy.

I wasn't gonna give you this,

didn't want to be the one.

But now I just don't care.

Goodbye, Buck.

Buck, you can't just...

forget it. Valerie!

- Valerie, wait. - I just want to get out of here, okay?

- My blood is boiling. - I don't blame you.

I'm done, Troy. Never in my life have I been spoken to...

- I'm done. - I know. Me too.

Excuse me.

One, two, three, four, five,

one, two, three, four, five,

one, two, three, four, five...

He's fine. We're gonna keep him overnight and run some tests,

but I think it was just exhaustion.

Really? So he's gonna be okay?

Well, he did pinch a nerve.

Whoever gave him C.P.R. didn't know what they were doing.

Thank you.

- This is it. - yeah.

Yeah.

It's been really nice being with you, Troy,

you know, and...

just... you know, I'm in L.A. all the time

and maybe I'll call you sometime, you know, when I'm...

in L.A.

- Have a safe trip. - Okay.

One thing... you...

you've gotta quit this job.

You know you can do better,

and I know people. I could probably help.

- Okay? - Okay.

It is over for Buck and everyone knows it but him.

No, it's not life-threatening.

He just fainted.

Look, my wife said she's leaving me

if I let a client ruin another vacation.

I can't go unless his life is in imminent danger.

Gil, what am I supposed to do here?

What do you mean?

Isn't there someone I should call or notify?

No. Troy, there's no one.

It's just you.

Okay.

I am going to sue that human rectum Edward

and his disgusting magazine

right out of business.

They were deceptive, malicious,

not to mention I was supposed to be on the cover.

I'm sorry about some of the things I said.

I was very upset. It wasn't you.

I never told anyone this,

but I did do "The Tonight Show" 61 times,

but I didn't appear once in Johnny's last 10 years.

I have no idea why.

They just stopped calling. No one ever explained.

Even at the end when Johnny was retiring,

I kept hoping that he'd call for one last show,

but he never did.

That's actually when I realized that it was probably over for me.

I've been denying it ever since.

It's exhausting.

You still entertain a lot of people, Buck.

You still put on a good show.

A good show. A good show.

How are we today, Mister...

Howard?

Horrible!

How's Gary Singer?

You mean Jerry Springer. Very well.

It was a minor accident.

He checked out last night.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Seeing Buck like this was hard.

Despite everything, I'd come to feel

not exactly affection for him,

but something like it.

This was the end, though,

and just like Valerie had said,

it was over for Buck.

Legendary performer and mentalist Buck Howard

collapsed and was rushed to University Hospital yesterday.

Conflicting reports suggest that Mr. Howard suffered

somewhat of a mental breakdown

after setting a new world record in a stunning performance...

...is best known for his many appearances

on "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson"...

Our reporter Judd McKinley was on hand yesterday

and got this eyewitness footage.

And Mr. Howard, he seemed totally out of it...

Delivery for Mr. Howard.

Call Gil and tell him I'm in imminent danger.

He'll know what it means.

This train is leaving the station

and we've got to be on it.

And bring these bouquets. They're worth a lot of money.

The legendary mentalist Buck Howard,

best known for his many appearances on "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson,"

checked himself out of a hospital in Cincinnati on Monday,

after the completion of a highly taxing stunt

where he put some 800 people to sleep.

Mary Hart was just the beginning.

No one could have predicted it,

but suddenly Buck was hip.

David, it's great to have you on T.R.L.

Everyone's enjoying you here.

We do have a big surprise for you here.

We're gonna bring him out.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Buck Howard! Come on out!

I love this town!

And I love this man, David Blainefield!

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Why don't we just mentally shake hands?

Do you have insight into the mindset of the kids today?

What's your take on kids today?

I suppose I have some degree of insight,

and I have one major worry,

and that worry can be summed up in one word:

drugs.

Today we'll be preparing one of Buck Howard's original recipes

from his new book, "Mentally Cooked."

Since this picture was taken, it looks like you've had a little work done,

- around the eyes, I think. - No, nothing's changed.

You don't have to be defensive about it.

- No, I don't. - A lot of people have work done.

But not me.

Now, Buck, this is quite incredible. You're hip now.

Are you aware that you're hip?

I'm aware that I'm hip,

and I have to say, Colin,

- I've always been hip. - It's Conan.

Oh, right.

I love this town!

Buck, how are you? Whoa!

Wow!

Buck, it's good to have you here.

- It's great to be back. - Oh my gosh, yes indeed.

I don't think I'll be the same.

Buck, I've got a friend of yours backstage

who you haven't seen in quite a while now.

So I'm gonna bring him out right now. You ready?

Ladies and gentlemen, George Takei!

What the world needs now

Is love, sweet love

It's the only thing...

- I love this man! - That there's

Just too little of.

In the wake of this whole crazy circus,

the call came in that Buck had been waiting for.

It was Vegas. There was talk of a headline spot,

even a long-term deal.

But now, Buck wouldn't hear of it.

And why would he? He was beyond Vegas.

He was bigger than he had ever been,

and he was about to make a triumphant return to the place

where it had all started for him.

It's "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,"

featuring Kevin Eubanks and the Tonight Show band.

Tonight, Jay welcomes Tom Arnold,

mentalist Buck Howard...

okay.

And now, Jay Leno!

...you're right. I can't tell you.

- We're about out of time. - Okay okay.

Do you even have anything to promote?

No, I just came to hang out.

You're not at the Chuckle Hut next week?

No, I just got nowhere to go.

Tom, we gotta go. My apologies to magician Buck Howard.

We were not able to bring him on tonight,

we were having so much fun with Tom,

time got away with us. We'll have him back at another time.

Good night. Stay tuned for Conan, coming up next. Good night, everybody!

So, I'm bumped for Tom Arnold.

I don't even know who that is.

Hey, Buck, I am so sorry, man.

My wife left me for a rich guy

and my mom got busted for crystal meth,

so I had a lot of funny material.

It just kept going on.

You inspired me to come to Hollywood.

Do you remember this? 1978, Ottumwa, Iowa,

the coliseum? You signed this for me. You rocked.

Excuse me. Buck, Jay wanted me to tell you

he's very sorry. It couldn't be helped.

- Buck. Buck. - Thank you, Buck. You rocked!

Come on, you're not the first person in the world to get bumped.

We want to have you on next week.

Do you know how many times I did "The Tonight Show"?

61. Do you know how many times Johnny Carson bumped me?

Zero. None. Nada.

You can tell Jay to take his apology and shove it!

Do you want to be on the show next week or not?

That man is Satan.

And Buck Howard does not work with Satan.

Gil, call Vegas. Let's hear what they have to say.

Hello hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Hey.

Welcome back to Vegas, Buck!

- Thank you. - Hey. Dan Green.

Nice to meet you, Dan.

Michael Perry... oh, wow. Quite a handshake.

The old Buck Howard handshake. That's fantastic.

By the way, a great job on the Stewarts... Jon and Martha.

Unbelievable, really.

- Good exposure for you. - Buck, you look great.

- I mean the whole... the... - Very fresh.

- It's got a... - Yeah, it's terrific.

Listen, I'm gonna jump in.

Buck, as Gil already knows, we've been courting you.

After the comeback you've had we think Vegas is

- the perfect place for you. - Perfect.

We don't mean to offend at all, but we did

- conduct some initial research... - Yeah, and so Gilly sent us

a few tapes, and we screened them for a focus group, and...

Yeah. The magic-slash-mentalist part of the show

where you're doing the hypnosis

and you're looking for your money

- scored really high. - Yeah, through the roof.

However, the piano and the standup portion of your show...

- Mmm, not so much. - A little more on the lower end.

- Yeah. Not bad... - No, not awful.

Just... a... little...

Any thoughts?

Well, I, um...

I want to get back to Vegas,

and it's not that I don't find it sickening

that people don't like the standup and the piano,

but I'm open for suggestion.

- Ah. - Great. Okay.

- That's what we wanted to hear. - That's where we were headed.

That's Teddy.

I'll be right back.

We're not gonna change anything big. It is the Buck Howard show.

Oh, Buck, I gotta tell you, my mom...

This was Buck's shot.

The hype had died down and now this is what was left.

Maybe this is where Buck belonged... back in Vegas,

with his name in bright lights.

Ladies and gentlemen,

get ready for a night that will overwhelm your senses,

expand your mind, and thrill your soul.

Presenting the Great Buck Howard!

And your number is...

- 17. - Oh my God!

Show the crowd.

How 'bout that, folks?

Isn't that wild, folks?

Isn't that wild? It's wild!

Ladies and gentlemen, in a few moments time

these fine citizens will wake up with a snap of my finger.

They will believe someone has removed all of their clothes...

and that they are standing in front of you,

shall we say, buck naked.

Isn't that wild, folks? Isn't that wild?

Gil, do you have a second?

Look, this could not be going better.

- Love it. - We're really happy...

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

these two people will come backstage with me

to keep an eye on me to make sure there's no funny business,

and these two people will hide my fee in cash

somewhere in this auditorium.

You have my fee.

All right, shall we?

Here we go. Man of the hour.

Great job, Buck. It's going great.

Hey, Buck, let me ask you something.

How do they work this thing with your money?

What do you mean?

I assume the casino pays you by the month, right?

So is that a week's worth of cash out there?

- Honey, shh. - What? I'm curious.

- Um... - Excuse me. I'm sorry. Hi.

I work for the casinos, sir, and it's a good question.

The agreement we have with Buck

is that if he's unable to find the money,

a pro-rated sum for tonight's show only,

it is deducted from his salary and donated to charity.

Boring!

- They're ready for you. - Mr. Howard...

- We're here to party. - ...they're ready for you.

- Gotta get out there! - Go get 'em, Buck!

As I went back to watch him finish the show,

I had this feeling that it was time for me to move on.

I was Buck's road manager, and his days on the road were over.

Now for this next effect

I will need complete silence,

absolute concentration. Thank you.

Two-year deal. Buck did it.

Yes, his show had changed...

the doves, the scarves...

but it seemed like Buck was okay with these compromises.

And despite it all, his show still came down to this,

his signature effect,

the thing he had always been known for.

Gil, is he all right?

Oh, just fine.

But then, suddenly,

for the first time in a nearly 40-year career,

Buck couldn't find his money.

And just like that, it was over.

So here you are.

What are you gonna do now, kid?

Well, um,

I've been doing some writing.

Really? Like for a newspaper?

No, different kind of writing.

Oh. You mean the kind where they don't pay you.

Well, I'm hoping eventually, but so far, yeah.

You don't remember because you were a little kid.

But your mom and I, we barely made it in the beginning.

- we struggled... - So that I wouldn't have to.

Yes, I know.

That's right. But I didn't have a choice.

You do.

So, how about this...

you come back home, you save up your money,

you go back to school... hear me out, now,

just hear me out.

Entertainment law.

- Entertainment law. - Dad, stop.

I wish I could go back to school.

I know that if I do, I'd be set, but I can't.

I have to try this.

It might be a crazy dream.

I might fail miserably,

but I have to at least try.

Otherwise, I'm not going to be happy at anything.

Okay.

Good luck.

You are aware that the word "writer" rarely appears

without the word "starving" in front of it.

So you better finish your breakfast.

And then take me to the airport.

I gotta get out of Los Angeles.

My dad was right. I did need to make money.

But I had learned from Buck

that when you do the thing you love,

somehow, magically, you find the money.

- Hi. Hi. - Hi.

- How are you? - I'm good.

Wow, so yeah, that's Jonathan Finerman.

Yes, you remember him? His show just got picked up

and we've just been doing press round the clock.

I grew up watching him. He was huge.

But I still don't understand

why he would want to meet with me.

The writer's assistant got fired, and I just mentioned you.

Troy, this could be so great for you.

Most of the assistants, they make staff in like a year or two.

It would be really good.

I don't usually do this sort of thing, but I had to meet you.

You used to work for Buck Howard.

Yeah, I did.

I've been a fan of his ever since I was a kid.

I also do a little amateur magic myself.

There's always been something I've been curious about,

not that it matters...

I don't know how he finds the money.

That's not what I was gonna ask.

Is he gay?

I'm just wondering.

I don't know.

I never saw him with anyone, so...

Yeah, well...

the thing about the money, I found that out. That's a total scam.

Really? How?

He wears an earpiece.

I've heard about this.

And there's a guy that travels with him that tells him where the money is.

I think I would have noticed.

He travels separate.

No one is even sure what the guy looks like.

He sees where the money is,

goes to the restroom or out to his car...

only takes a second...

whispers into a microphone, it goes right into Buck's ear.

"Third row, lady in the green sweater."

And his job is done.

No, I don't believe it.

You're loyal. I like that.

Who would have thought that Buck Howard on your resume

- would land you a job? - Not me.

And seriously, thank you very much

- for arranging this. It went very well. - Come on.

So, thank you. I mean it.

Okay, well, I'm over here.

So, that boyfriend of yours, how's that working out?

And you ask just because you're concerned about my well-being?

Yes, of course.

Of course I'm very very concerned.

I'll call you.

Okay.

Preferably late at night, drunk.

Always!

Okay. Bye.

And just like that, I began a whole new life.

Still, I thought about Buck all the time.

He had just disappeared after that night in Vegas.

I wondered what exactly had gone wrong.

Buck had never failed to find his money before.

It didn't make sense.

But then again, maybe it proved he was real.

'Cause when you think about it,

only something fake could work 100% of the time.

Regardless, I just wished there was some way I could know that he was okay,

maybe talk to him one more time.

Come in.

- Hey, Buck. - Troy! My goodness!

- How are you? - I brought you something.

Look at that. Brandy. That's very kind of you.

What are you doing here?

Just thought I'd take a trip up, check out the show.

Come in.

Buck, it's 30 minutes to showtime.

Troy, this is Russell, my new road manager.

Russell, Troy used to have yourjob, but Troy understood

the importance of not looking like a bum on the job.

Your tie.

You're not in a bar.

Come back when it's five minutes and I need some water.

Actually, there is some water right there.

That's distilled water. I'm not an iron.

I drink spring water, remember?

Thank you.

So, you've come out of retirement.

Oh, I'll never give up, Troy.

So, why are you here?

What happened in Vegas?

Did you blow it on purpose?

Because that is the only explanation that I can think of.

I know you wear an earpiece

and you have someone in the audience

who tells you where the money is.

Troy, that thing about the earpiece has been going around for years.

It's a rumor. Do you want to check?

No, it doesn't matter.

It's not important.

Look, I get it. It is a show.

You are there to entertain.

I understand.

I just want to know, for myself.

What happened in Vegas?

You know, I don't really belong

in Vegas anymore.

I belong in places like these.

I love what I do. I love these towns.

I love these people.

And I would never cheat them, ever.

Watch the show tonight.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

I can't tell you how delighted I am to be back in Bakersfield.

I love this town!

As I settled in to watch Buck's show,

it struck me

this was the first time I was seeing it as an audience member.

I want you to take this piece of paper...

And it was his old show.

The changes he had made in Vegas were gone

as if they had never happened.

And somehow it felt right.

It was actually kind of beautiful in a way.

...because I know what the number is.

The number you have written down is the number 77.

Is that correct?

Show the audience.

Isn't that wild?

What the world needs now

Is love, sweet love...

When I tap them on their left shoulder,

they will be sound asleep in their chairs.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

As the show neared its finale,

I saw that Buck had actually made one small change.

And this one was just for me.

For many years there have been rumors

that I employ some sort of listening device

to aid me with this effect.

I would like to address those rumors tonight.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Oh, there are two.

May I ask you both to come onstage, please?

Take these instruments. Please look in my ears

and tell the public if I have any kind

of listening device whatsoever.

It's all clear.

Thank you.

Now, to convince

even the most hardened skeptics,

I will also put this hood over my head.

I will ask you all to clap in unison

while my fee is being rehidden

here in the auditorium.

And I am ready.

They're done.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, members of the public,

I may have to inconvenience you one more time.

I must have, please, for this effect, complete silence.

I couldn't watch because I knew

Buck wasn't going to find the money.

I could only guess

that whatever Buck had used in the past,

whether it was an earpiece or his own powers,

it was gone now.

And for the first time, I realized

I wanted to believe that Buck would always be out there,

in some small town somewhere,

showing people that the impossible was possible,

that there was magic in this world.

But that wasn't meant to be.

This time it was really over for Buck.

- Sir, you have the money. - I'm sorry. I don't have it.

Sir, you have the money in your left pocket.

I love this town!