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1
00:00:02,915 --> 00:00:05,483
Earl, I told you to mop
the entrance.
2
00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:07,964
That floor is dirtier
than Bob Saget
3
00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:11,185
at a Comedy Central roast.
4
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,969
[bell dings]
5
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,667
You know what it sounds like
you need, cranky lady?
6
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:19,106
A Midol and a Dove bar.
7
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,977
You watch it, too, Oleg.
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,284
Like Earl's hip,
you can be replaced.
9
00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:30,117
Have you noticed since Max
and Caroline have been away,
10
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,163
Han is getting a little big
for his bitches?
11
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:36,210
Did I say bitches?
12
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:39,256
'Cause I meant to.
13
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,432
I will not be bossed around
by someone
14
00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:43,043
40 years younger than me.
15
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,001
He is not my second wife.
16
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:52,356
I am calling diner security.
17
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,315
[phone ringing]
18
00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:55,751
What's up, Earl?
19
00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:58,362
I mean,
besides your blood pressure.
20
00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:00,147
When are you coming back?
21
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,062
We're coming back
tomorrow night.
22
00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:03,889
Caroline's about to sign
the movie contract,
23
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:06,936
which means I don't have to
come home UPS Ground.
24
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:10,592
Are you on the phone
with the diner?
25
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:12,594
I feel like I can smell it.
26
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,161
[Earl]
I don't think any of us
27
00:01:14,204 --> 00:01:15,858
are gonna make it
past tomorrow.
28
00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:18,469
Han's been walking around
like he owns the place.
29
00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:22,125
I do own the place!
30
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,258
[Peter Bjorn and John]
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
31
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:25,868
[cash register bell dings]
32
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:29,089
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
33
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:45,801
Boy, Uber drivers do not
like to be tickled.
34
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:49,196
And speaking of things
no one would see coming,
35
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:52,286
I used the F-word
with Randy.
36
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:53,678
Who wouldn't see that coming?
37
00:01:53,722 --> 00:01:56,942
You use the F-word
all the time...
38
00:01:56,985 --> 00:02:00,207
usually around children
or clergy.
39
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:03,471
No, the F-word
as in "future."
40
00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:06,256
Max, you made plans
for the future?
41
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,389
You won't even make
dinner plans with me.
42
00:02:08,431 --> 00:02:11,740
You always say, "Who knows if
we'll still be friends by then?"
43
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:15,744
Well, you always ask me,
like, five hours ahead of time.
44
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:19,051
Max, I'm gonna go ahead
and use the C-word.
45
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:22,142
I'm calling you and Randy
a couple.
46
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:23,926
I'm gonna say something,
47
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:25,841
and I don't want it
to go to your head.
48
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:28,626
You're right, bitch.
49
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,150
See, Max, it all worked out,
50
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,848
right up until
what I'm about to say right now.
51
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:35,851
We have to take the shuttle
to the airport tomorrow,
52
00:02:35,894 --> 00:02:39,202
'cause we're still poor
for another 27 business days.
53
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:43,859
Let's go out in style
and get a party bus.
54
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,295
After all these years,
we still have
55
00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:47,515
such different
concepts of style.
56
00:02:47,558 --> 00:02:49,081
Come on!
57
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,170
With a stripper pole
58
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:53,390
and a Crock-Pot
of cocktail weenies.
59
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,827
I danced on a party bus
for a year,
60
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:59,179
not for money.
61
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,398
We are not taking a party bus.
62
00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,966
This isn't your super sweet 16.
63
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,272
I didn't have a sweet 16.
64
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:08,884
I was in plumbing school.
65
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,929
Hey, everybody.
66
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,496
I don't know what's going on,
67
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:16,283
but people on the elevator
were looking at me funny.
68
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:17,327
Sophie!
69
00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:18,763
What?
70
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:21,375
Do I have spinach in my teeth?
71
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:24,987
Uh, no spinach, but about
25 needles stuck in your face.
72
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:28,251
Yeah, they're helping me
get pregnant.
73
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:31,341
My healer Audra
sent me to Mao,
74
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,561
the acupuncturist to the stars.
75
00:03:33,603 --> 00:03:37,347
Yep, he's poked more famous
people than John Mayer.
76
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,656
Sophie, you're not supposed
to leave with those needles,
77
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:46,400
just like we're not supposed to
leave with these vases.
78
00:03:46,442 --> 00:03:48,924
Tell you what, I'm gonna do
what I used to do
79
00:03:48,966 --> 00:03:51,100
for my Aunt Becky
at the Elks Lodge.
80
00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:53,145
I'm gonna get some pricks
out of your face.
81
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:59,021
Max, do you think Randy
invited me to dinner
82
00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:02,067
to witness him asking you
to be bicoastal?
83
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:04,069
'Cause I don't think
this mascara's waterproof,
84
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,289
and I'm definitely gonna cry
85
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:09,814
happy and a few jealous tears.
86
00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:11,990
I'm never been bicoastal.
87
00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:13,688
I was bisexual for a week,
88
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:16,473
but that's mostly because
I was hitchhiking.
89
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:20,303
There they are.
90
00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:22,697
Oh, this is the table
where we first met,
91
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,829
and you thought I was
a cheap hooker.
92
00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:28,572
And you were only half right.
93
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:32,881
Here they come,
more jealous than I expected.
94
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,404
Let's celebrate.
95
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,058
It's a big night
for both of you.
96
00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:37,799
Caroline,
your movie deal closed,
97
00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,236
and Max, I found your sock.
98
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,846
It was under my refrigerator.
99
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,457
Oh, that makes sense.
100
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,589
I was trying to fish
an M&M out from under there
101
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:48,723
with a fishing hook I made
with a fork and my sock.
102
00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,377
I was so excited about
getting the M&M
103
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,640
that I abandoned the sock.
104
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,424
Max, you know you don't
have to eat candy
105
00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:56,339
that fell on the floor anymore.
106
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:59,951
I still will, but it's nice
to know I don't have to.
107
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:02,432
Oh, my God, your whole life
is changing.
108
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,044
We're just waiting
for someone else.
109
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,568
Oh, no, did you invite
a guy for me?
110
00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:09,309
I wish I'd known,
111
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,615
'cause I only shaved
up to the bottom of my dress.
112
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,532
It's not a date for you.
113
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,360
It's someone here
for me and Max.
114
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,406
Wow, I don't usually
bring up threesomes
115
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,756
till the one-month mark
when things start to go stale.
116
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:28,197
Oh, definitely wasn't
picturing this guy.
117
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,373
Hello, I'm Elliot Charles.
118
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:34,725
Okay, two first names,
slightly more interesting.
119
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:38,294
So doing the orgy math here,
there's four of us,
120
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,428
and out of the four,
Max and I can't touch naked.
121
00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:46,389
Her rule, not mine.
122
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,826
Oh, I'm not here
in a sexual capacity.
123
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:50,611
I'm Randy's therapist.
124
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,395
And I guess we should
get started.
125
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,179
I do have a 9:00
in the valley.
126
00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:57,531
A 13-year-old girl is coming out
to her vegan parents
127
00:05:57,574 --> 00:05:59,533
as meat-curious.
128
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:05,626
Um, what's happening?
129
00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:08,498
Look, Max...
Elliot?
130
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:13,547
Look, Max,
my patient, Randy,
131
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:16,550
is breaking up with you.
132
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,334
[both]
What?
133
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,685
Max, I know this sounds abrupt.
134
00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:23,557
Elliot?
135
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,428
Max, in my practice,
I developed
136
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,561
the ripping-the-Band-Aid-off
technique.
137
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,519
You'll read about it
in my book someday,
138
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:30,912
if I ever finish it,
139
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,871
but that's between
me and my therapist.
140
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,525
He's not speaking to me
right now
141
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:37,571
because of a couch spill.
142
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,399
And I'd be mad as hell about it
143
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:42,053
if I didn't completely
understand it!
144
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:47,798
And now, again,
what's happening?
145
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:50,453
Because it seems like
you're breaking up with me
146
00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:52,368
using a therapist.
147
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,675
It does seem that way.
148
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,720
Elliot?
149
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:59,636
He is breaking up with you
using a therapist.
150
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:04,336
Look, Randy?
151
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,642
Caroline.
152
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:13,433
Look, Elliot, you tell Randy
to be a grown-up
153
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:17,349
and break up with her over text.
154
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:20,440
At least send her
a "Bye, Felicia" bitmoji.
155
00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,792
- Let's go.
- Max, don't go like this.
156
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,924
Elliot, don't let Max
go like this.
157
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,665
Max, you're hurt.
158
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,450
You're feeling abandoned.
159
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:33,496
What would be really helpful
to you right now
160
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:37,544
is my book, if I can just
get one chapter on paper.
161
00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:40,895
I think people would benefit
a lot from the book.
162
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,244
Well, we're leaving.
163
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,550
This is shocking,
164
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:44,638
and it's really hard
to shock me
165
00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:45,943
since that time
I saw a mouse
166
00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:48,511
dry-humping a potato
on my couch.
167
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:51,949
You know what?
168
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:54,386
You can keep my sock.
169
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,476
On second thought,
I need it.
170
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:57,738
Max, wait.
171
00:07:57,781 --> 00:07:59,827
I am just gonna go,
because the last time
172
00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:03,265
I was this mad,
someone lost an eyebrow.
173
00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:06,660
And it took me a long time
174
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,575
to grow it back.
175
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:21,631
Thank you.
176
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,154
Max, hurry!
177
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,374
We have to leave now
to take Sophie to the healer
178
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:27,594
and still be
at the airport by noon.
179
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:31,162
I brushed your hair
when you were passed out.
180
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,817
I can't move any faster.
181
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,993
I think this escalator's broken.
182
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:41,172
I tried to stop you
from drinking bottle number 32,
183
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:44,261
which was sriracha.
184
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:47,744
But you tied me to that chair
so well.
185
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,094
Well, since drinking
that hot sauce,
186
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:53,489
I've been tied
to a different chair.
187
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,187
I have something
to make you feel better.
188
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:57,580
I doubt it.
189
00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:59,539
Unless it's a diaper
full of ice.
190
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,587
It's not that.
I'll meet you outside.
191
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:12,116
Okay, okay, remember
that party bus
192
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:16,120
I never wanted and you probably
don't want now?
193
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,862
- Surprise!
- Good timing.
194
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:20,690
I'm feeling suicidal,
and I've always wanted
195
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,736
to be buried in something
like this.
196
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:27,001
Aw, come on, Max, cheer up.
197
00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:30,439
You're getting two poles
for the price of one.
198
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:32,093
This is the first time
a party bus
199
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:35,096
hasn't fixed
every problem I have.
200
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,619
Well, you haven't seen
201
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:39,579
my "Stars and Stripes Forever"
routine.
202
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:42,582
[hums John Sousa's
"Stars and Stripes Forever"]
203
00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:59,381
Um, Bert, is this rum
204
00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:02,645
supposed to have
a cigarette butt in it?
205
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,647
If you gonna puke,
please aim for the floor.
206
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,475
I can hose it down.
207
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:09,696
Otherwise, I'm finding corn
in the pleather for months.
208
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:13,787
Well, if I throw up today,
it's not 'cause I'm having fun.
209
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,745
I'm just happy
because, finally,
210
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:19,140
there's ladies in the bus
not wearing penis helmets.
211
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:22,273
Nope, they were all
out of penises,
212
00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:23,623
so I had to settle for balls.
213
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:25,233
Here, girls.
214
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,452
Nope, I will day drink
on a bus,
215
00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:30,368
but I will not
put balls on my head.
216
00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:34,155
And you wonder
why you're single.
217
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:37,201
Ugh, there's that crazy
expensive sushi place
218
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:38,942
where Randy and I ate.
219
00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:41,031
And there's the taco place
we had to eat at afterwards
220
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,816
'cause we were still hungry.
221
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:46,080
Max, please, you have to
put Randy behind you.
222
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:49,997
And there's the parking spot
where I put Randy behind me.
223
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:51,781
Bert, did we sign up
for the Hollywood
224
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,435
relationship death tour?
225
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:57,569
If so, I'd like to hit
the Affleck-Garner house.
226
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,051
And right up there
is where he lives.
227
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:03,532
We'd make a right at that
super ripped homeless guy,
228
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:06,491
and in two or three blocks,
we'd be at Randy's house.
229
00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:09,494
Oh, no, "we do this,"
and "we do that."
230
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:10,670
She's "we"-ing.
231
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,846
As long as nobody wees
on the seats,
232
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,717
we'll be fine.
233
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,763
Bert, turn off there,
up that street.
234
00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:18,503
No, wait, what are you doing?
235
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:20,070
You're getting closure.
236
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:22,551
I want him to face you
without that lame therapist.
237
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:26,207
Just you and him
face-to-testicle.
238
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:29,732
Ladies, just how stalker-y
are we getting here?
239
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:32,343
Like a drive around
the cul-de-sac?
240
00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:36,304
Or a full-on Demi Moore outside
of Mila Kunis' yoga class?
241
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:37,609
Ooh, there it is.
242
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,089
Up there on the left.
243
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:40,569
Yep, there it is.
244
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:41,962
And there he is
letting the dog out.
245
00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:45,792
Oh, and he's only
wearing a towel.
246
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,359
Ah, yeah.
247
00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,622
Now I get it, Max.
248
00:11:50,665 --> 00:11:52,320
Bert, go.
This was a bad idea.
249
00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:54,017
No, this is a great idea.
250
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,889
I am not letting you
take this bad feeling
251
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,281
back to New York.
252
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,370
Bert, open the door.
I'm going out.
253
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,986
Bert, close the door.
Let's roll.
254
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,335
[knock at door]
255
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,776
I, uh, wanted to put
some clothes on,
256
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,517
but Caroline wouldn't let me.
257
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,259
Oh, that's the smartest thing
Caroline's done
258
00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:20,522
since I've met her.
259
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,219
Max.
260
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:24,700
[Max]
I'm not here.
261
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,834
Max, I can see your balls
behind that pillow.
262
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:30,053
I can see your balls
behind that--
263
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,142
Sophie!
Come on.
264
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:33,709
This is sad.
265
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,929
Oh, well not from where
I'm sitting.
266
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,933
Max, I'm sorry about the way
I handled things.
267
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,761
I just don't know how
to break things off.
268
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:42,936
It's why I was the lawyer
269
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:46,374
on the last three
Adam Sandler movies.
270
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,723
Why?
271
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,551
I just need to know why.
272
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:51,858
Because I'm too young?
I'm too old?
273
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:54,338
Is there someone else?
You're married? You're gay?
274
00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:57,254
With a body like that,
gay is definitely on the table.
275
00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:02,259
You want the truth?
276
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,261
I like you too much.
277
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,785
That's why I didn't
break it off sooner.
278
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,656
I didn't want it to end.
279
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,701
That's why you're
breaking up with me?
280
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:12,792
Because you like me too much?
281
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:15,229
At least have another family
in Mexico.
282
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:17,448
Max, I've done
the long-distance thing.
283
00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:19,842
It's just putting off
the inevitable.
284
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:22,453
You have a life there.
I have a life here.
285
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,629
It doesn't work.
286
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:27,632
Please don't hate me.
287
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,460
Be easier if I could.
288
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:32,986
Yep, here they come.
289
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,424
Pardon me?
290
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:40,080
Are we still firing
your housekeeper today?
291
00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:42,691
Oh, nice hat.
292
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,867
Confirms that theory
that women in LA
293
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,347
are the ones with balls.
294
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:54,877
This is it, girls.
295
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:59,490
This is where my healer
does all her magic.
296
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,579
Yeah, you know, she must
sweat a lot doing it,
297
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:05,975
'cause it smells like it looks
in here, right?
298
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:08,108
What do you think's
in those jars?
299
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:12,634
Every fart that's ever
been held in at yoga?
300
00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:13,983
Are you okay, Max?
301
00:14:14,027 --> 00:14:15,332
I guess.
302
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:16,856
I just wish you told me closure
303
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,335
feels like someone just
slammed my nuts
304
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:21,643
in the trunk of a Pontiac.
305
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,993
Sophie, we have to be
at the airport in an hour.
306
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:27,388
Yes, but Audra is my last chance
at getting pregnant.
307
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,433
She'll be ready
when she's ready.
308
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,044
I mean, look around.
309
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,784
She's a professional.
310
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:36,658
[humming]
311
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,227
Have you seen an orange cat?
312
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:44,013
A little depressed,
Sagittarius?
313
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,973
Wait, Garfield lives here?
314
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,931
Audra, this is
Max and Caroline.
315
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:51,803
You know,
I rarely say this to a lady,
316
00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:56,243
but--oh, put a baby in me.
317
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:58,941
Absolutely.
318
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,334
Hmm?
319
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:03,946
You think--you don't--okay.
320
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,906
Go ahead.
321
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,952
I'm sorry, I'm just conferring
with my spirit guides.
322
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:13,347
Well, if you all talk at once,
I can't understand you.
323
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:19,788
Got it.
324
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:22,269
They're telling me
that someone here
325
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,445
just had their heart broken.
326
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:26,490
It's you.
327
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,231
Oh, my God, Max.
328
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:30,973
Come closer to me.
Come over here.
329
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,975
Oh, gosh, thanks a lot.
330
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,934
You're bogarting my witch.
331
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:39,112
These spirits don't lie.
332
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:40,374
Mm-mm.
333
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,289
A little too honest sometimes.
334
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:45,292
I mean, I didn't ask them
if they like my bangs,
335
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,729
but they sure told me.
336
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:51,124
It was a whole thing.
337
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,168
You don't need to help me.
338
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,953
I'll get over the Randy thing.
339
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,258
I've been through worse things,
340
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:56,607
like this right now.
341
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,044
No.
342
00:15:58,087 --> 00:16:00,089
They're insisting
that I help you.
343
00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,352
Grab me a jar.
344
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,702
That's where we
store the pain...
345
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:06,617
and lentils, once you're healed.
346
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:16,018
Great.
347
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,847
No guy, but now I have a
middle-aged lesbian lover.
348
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:24,157
[chanting, humming]
349
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:32,078
[chanting, humming]
350
00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:36,169
All right, it's out.
351
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:45,482
I thought I was gonna have to
move to a bigger jar.
352
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:49,051
You must've really
liked this guy.
353
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,618
He was okay.
354
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:53,055
Well, he's crushed.
355
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:55,623
He really liked you too.
356
00:16:55,665 --> 00:16:57,320
Never thought a jar
could make me feel better
357
00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:59,801
that wasn't filled
with peanut brittle.
358
00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:04,022
Oh, please, spirits,
put a baby in me!
359
00:17:05,849 --> 00:17:08,723
All right, here we go.
360
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:10,942
Quiet, everybody.
361
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,204
Let me just close the door.
362
00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:14,729
Okay.
363
00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:17,079
Oh, wait.
364
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:21,214
There's still some other
unrest here.
365
00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:24,217
[chanting, humming]
366
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:27,262
Oh, no,
that's way too big.
367
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:35,271
It's something else.
368
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:42,061
Oh, really?
369
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,454
Oh, you're telling--
370
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:47,457
Sure, sure.
371
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:50,678
Okay. Hold on.
372
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:53,463
I can't put a baby in you.
373
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,291
[both]
Sorry, Sophie.
374
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,554
You can't?
375
00:17:57,598 --> 00:18:01,776
You made me put needles
in my eyes.
376
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:04,300
Put me on with them.
377
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:06,563
Hey, I'm on your side.
378
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:09,175
Her bangs are ridiculous.
379
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:17,618
Hey, Earl, we're back.
380
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:21,274
Hi, girls.
381
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,493
Let me be the first to say
welcome back,
382
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,583
and also,
my deepest sympathies.
383
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:27,976
How are you, Max?
384
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:29,151
I just flew in from LA,
385
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:31,675
and boy, are my arms tired
386
00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:34,330
from hitting the person
next to me.
387
00:18:34,374 --> 00:18:36,158
They would not stop fidgeting.
388
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:40,119
I had to pee,
and you wouldn't let me out.
389
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:42,295
Max, Caroline, you're back!
390
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:45,167
I mean...
hello, how are you?
391
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:49,171
Han, did you miss us?
392
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:54,872
Oh, please, I miss you like
America misses RadioShack.
393
00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:58,354
Surprisingly, it left a hole.
394
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:01,096
I saw you leave a hole once...
395
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,402
on Groundhog Day.
396
00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:07,102
Max, Caroline,
where's Sophie?
397
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,190
I missed her so much.
398
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:09,931
You know what they say:
399
00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:14,196
absence makes me have to
masturbate almost constantly.
400
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,894
So what did the healer say?
401
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,201
We'll let her tell you.
402
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:22,422
Hey, everybody!
403
00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:25,207
I'm back from California.
404
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,209
[with Californian accent]
I hope I didn't, like,
405
00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:31,126
totally pick up an accent,
dude.
406
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,085
Oh, I was worried
Jeremy Renner
407
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:37,306
would make you the last thing
he'd ever be in.
408
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:43,965
And I was worried you'd say
something exactly like that.
409
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,837
Well, I'll be in my booth.
410
00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:50,319
So what did the healer say?
411
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:53,366
How soon can we
get a baby in you?
412
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:58,936
Oh, well, the truth is, Oleg,
413
00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:01,156
the healer said that she
wouldn't be able
414
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,898
to help me get pregnant.
415
00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:07,249
Oh, Sophie.
Why not?
416
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:10,339
Well, the reason
417
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:13,951
that I can't get pregnant is...
418
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:17,781
I'm already pregnant!
419
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,482
Yeah!
420
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,005
I'm gonna be a father?
421
00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:26,312
Yes, I'm three months along.
422
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:28,270
Yeah, no, that's the last time
423
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:32,448
I'll buy a pregnancy test
off a boat.
424
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:34,494
Well, let's bust out
the very cheap,
425
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:36,452
non-alcoholic champagne.
426
00:20:36,496 --> 00:20:38,280
Non-alcoholic?
427
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:40,456
Yeah, Sophie can't drink
when she's pregnant.
428
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:41,762
Oh, all right.
429
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,764
Well, then,
the five martinis
430
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:46,810
that I had on the plane
were my last.
431
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,162
[cash register dings]
30654
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