Original subtitles

Hank, what are you doin' there, bud?

Oh Mark deli-gated the signs to me.

The hell Mark?

I told you to add one sign that says

"Fourth of July Baloney Sale."

Nobody cares about baloney, Dad.

I like baloney.

It's like eating slices from a giant hot dog.

Yeah, Hank gets it.

Our brand is quality, not gimmicks.

I'm telling you Dad,

you're leaving money on the table.

Yeah, by paying you to dick around.

Did you prep the fixings?

Nah, I delegated it to Hank.

Hank, did you prep the fixings?

Uh. Not yet.

Mark had me drive to Vineland

to pick up the liquid nitrogen.

Liquid nitrogen?

What'd you do?

What the?

Yo, how phat is that?

Frickin' Derpin Dots machine!

How much did this monstrosity cost?

I'm telling you, man, in the future,

everybody's gonna be eating futuristic ice cream.

I'm gonna ask you one more time:

How much did this cost?

Sixteen thousand dollars. That's it.

�Sixteen Thous-- �!?

How!?!?

Where did you ev--

You better return that thing right now!

You know Dad, it wouldn't hurt to at least say

you're proud of your son for setting up a liquid

nitrogen thermal chamber by himself

without even reading the instructions.

What the hell--

Ah!

Damnit Dad.

I'm gonna kill you.

How the hell are we gonna pay for this?

Well I just so happen to be in the process of

10x-ing our savings so.

What does that mean?

What did you do?

Yeah, let's just say I did a little... re-allocating.

I'm about to re-allocate your ass!

Dad, chill okay.

All I did was reinvest in a low risk,

high yield "soft asset speculation."

What does that mean, Marcus!?

Check the store room.

Thank me later.

Y-y-you liquidated our savings to buy stuffed animals?

Yo these aren't just stuffed animals, Dad.

These are Teenie Floofs,

highly sought after collectibles.

Woah woah woah Dad come on!

That was a limited edition Misty the Unicorn.

That alone cost $2700.

Twenty se--?!

[gasping]

That's it. You're fired.

What?! How are you gonna fire your own son?

Because all you do is cockamamie stunts.

You don't do any real work.

You just delegate to your brother.

Pfft, yo that's ridiculous.

Now would ya call 9-1-1?

I think I'm having a heart attack.

I got you, Dad.

Hank, call 9-1-1.

[?????]

? Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory. ?

? Until them robots came along. ?

? And now there is no job for me ?

? But I get 3,000 bucks a month ?

? Thanks to UBI

? Now we're Universal Basic Guys. ?

? It may not sound like much. ?

? But we're still gonna try ?

? We're just Universal Basic Guys ?

Ugh. It's truly the end of summer

when the ol' water ice shoppe shuts down.

You'll live.

Andrea, this place is a treasure.

It's one of the few perks of living in South Jersey.

I bet our Humantis robots could easily make this stuff.

How dare you?

Barry is a master craftsman.

It's like getting sushi made by Jiro

or a macaron made by Pierre Desfontaines.

It's just sugar and water David.

Probably why half this town has diabetes.

[screeching]

[crash]

Hey, Mark.

'Sup guys.

Ah crap. Come onnnn.

Ugh. Why does this stupid place have to close

for the whole season?

It's ridiculous.

Hey yo! Yo!

Yo! Please!

Gary, just look at him.

No.

Oh come on, poor guy just wants

one last little ole' water ice for the season.

What's the big deal?

Barry! What the heck!?

What can I do you for?

Thanks so much dude. Really appreciate it.

Let me get a...uh...

five gallon tub of the chocolate peanut butter cup.

Um...

No. It's a slippery slope.

It's just one tub, Gary.

Gotta agree with Barry on this one.

Uh excuse me?

Why do you need a five gallon tub so bad anyway?

I gotta stock up for the winter.

You know, since you guys are closed for fricken six months.

I don't know what you guys are thinking,

you know you're leaving money on the table.

No it's not about the money. I know my brother.

Well I know business. And what I see right here is

the next fricken Wolfgang Puck, but of water ice.

You gotta let this dude spread his wings.

You hear that, Gary?

Somebody sees my potential.

I'm doing this for you!

You're a delicate little butterfly

that needs to be protected.

Don't you patronize me.

Maybe I want to spread my wings!

Maybe I want to make this man a tub of water ice!

Yeah now that's what I'm talking about!

Oh you'd better not. We just cleaned those machines.

Oh no. I broke one of Gary's precious "rules."

If you turn that thing on, I am done.

You can go "spread your wings" with this ding-dong.

Woah there. I got news for you.

This "ding-dong" could make more money over the winter

than you could make all summer.

Okay, yeah. My butt.

Listen Barry, you really want to be

on your deathbed thinking, what would my life look like

if I'd said "Yes" to making that tub?

C'mon Bar.

Don't be stupid.

Oh yeaaah. Let's go!

Not only did I get the tub,

the place is now gonna be open all year round.

Woah! How'd you manage that?

Oh I'll tell you how I managed that.

You bought a hat?

No Tam.

I'm their new business manager, baby!

Oh. Wow.

You sure you're, uh...

qualified to run a business like that?

Pfft absolutely. I got tons of experience

in the family restaurant business.

Yeah... and how'd that turn out?

You gotta think of the perks, Tam.

Not only do we get unlimited water ice,

but if you have any feedback or ideas,

I'm all ears.

You know, I've always thought

the chocolate chip ratio was a little off...

If only you knew the manager...

[laughter]

So obviously,

you're gonna handle product development and production,

while I focus on ideation,

long term strategy and promotions.

You're the engine. I'm the GPS.

Now what about inventory and accounting

and all the other stuff that Gary did?

Yeah so that now falls under your vertical.

Well he also kept the kitchen organized

and cleaned the bathroom.

Maybe you could help with some of that?

Totally hear you, Bar.

I can absolutely help with that.

Okay Hank. So you've got the most important job

in the whole place.

President?

No. You clean the bathrooms.

Oh.

Let me tell you, the first thing people

judge a restaurant by

is how clean their bathrooms are.

You could be the fricken French Laundry

but if you got skid marks on the toilet,

forget it.

Woah. That's a serious responsibility.

Sure is, pal. Can we entrust you

to be the guardian of the throne?

It would be my honor.

Also, Hank, bathroom's for customers only.

We've had some problems with the homeless people

camping out in there, so.

Got it.

Hello.

Hey, would it be cool if I use the bathroom?

Oh, uh,

the bathrooms are for customers only.

Are you gonna buy water ice?

Uh...yeah.

Oh. Okay then.

So I'm thinking we could convert the store closet

into an upscale speakeasy offering, like,

high-end custom water-ice cocktails.

What do you think of that?

Uhhh... I should really get started

on today's batches.

Bar, you gotta make time for blue-skying.

If you're always focused on today,

you're never cooking up tomorrow's big idea.

Hm.

Oh you know what,

I have always flirted with the idea of doing

a seasonal pumpkin flavor,

of course Gary always said no.

Mm, pumpkin spice.

I love it Bar.

Or no...just pumpkin.

No spices.

Ah whatever.

Go make it happen!

Go create baby!

Oh boy. Okay.

Well this is exciting!

Yo yo.

Got some good news.

You know James "Jelly" Martin?

The influencer guy who does those dessert reviews?

Bingo. He's gonna be doing a

review of your new flavor.

How bout that?

Well that's amazing!

Yep. He's gonna pop by on Friday.

Woah.

Well that's in two days!

I won't be ready by then.

I...I just started experimenting.

Barry, did you ever hear the story about how Gordon Ramsay

became the best chef in the world?

I mean,

I don't know if he's the best chef

in the world, but.

He outworks all the other guys.

It's all about the grindset.

If you wanna take things to the next level,

you gotta put in the hours, dude

You're right. I got this.

Yo, there we go. That's the spirit.

Okay I'm heading out. Have a good one!

[whistling]

- Occupied.

Oh, we're actually closed now.

- Okay well, I'll just let myself out when I'm done.

Well it's just, you know,

if you don't buy water ice, you can't use the bathroom so.

- Okay, well, I bought water ice.

Oh, you got a receipt that I could

just take a look at real quick?

- No. I bought it a long time ago.

Oh.

- Yeah once you're a customer, you're a customer forever.

- Everyone knows that.

Oh. Okay.

[classical music]

Yo, today's the big day.

How we feeling, bud?

I did it.

[groans]

Oh baby. Yo, I gotta hit this.

Not bad. Not bad.

Could maybe use a little more spice,

but nice work, Bar.

[snoring]

[cash register chime] Oh my god. Is Jelly...

what time is Jelly coming?

Oh he left about two hours ago.

Wait what!? Why didn't you wake me?

You were taking a power nap.

Sleep is crucial to the creative process,

I didn't want to disturb you.

But I...

[text message] did he...?

Oh boy. He just posted a review.

Check it out.

Hey! I'm here at Glantontown's

famous "Barry's Water Ice"

with the shop's creative visionary,

Mark Hoagies.

So we've been working 'round-the-clock

on the shop's first new flavor in decades:

Pumpkin Spice!

Well it's not pumpkin spice.

- Shhh! Just watch.

Mmmm. Not bad. Not bad at all.

I'm going 8.7.

8.7

Wow. That's a really high rating for him!

I know right!? Okay watch.

Thanks Jelly.

Just want to tell everyone to come on down

to Barry's Water Ice in Glantontown this Sunday

for �Free Pumpkin Spice Water Ice Day! �

Free water ice day?

This guy has like a million followers Mark!

I know! It's great, right?

Oh no. Oh boy.

Mark, you advertised free water ice to millions of people.

You need to run these kind of promotions by me!

Barry, we either grow or we die.

Don't you want to show Gary that he was holding you back?

There is just no way

I can make that much water ice by Sunday!

I make every batch by hand!

Well then it sounds like what you need is more hands...

Barry, I want you to meet our new VP team!

First up I want to introduce you to David Jinglebells.

You might know me as the guy who always tips.

David here will be our new Executive Sous Chef,

supporting you with whatever you need in the kitchen.

I'm merely a sponge

ready to soak in your culinary genius.

Oh...uh...thank you.

And this is Tammy,

our new VP of product.

I thought I was in charge of product.

100%.

She's just here to support your vision bud.

As a lifelong water ice consumer,

Tammy has a refined palate

and can provide valuable insights

from a consumer perspective.

Isn't she your wife?

Like I said, she has great taste.

And this here is Darren,

our new Associate VP of Customer Relations.

Darren here not only brings a bit of

much-needed diversity to the shop,

but his youthful exuberance can help us tap into a younger demo.

You gave a VP title to a fifteen year old?

He's sixteen actually.

- Fourteen.

Well listen,

as long as you have passion for water ice,

you'll be fine.

I don't.

Uh. So my boss said that you aren't a customer forever,

and that if you're not gonna buy water ice,

you gotta leave. I'm sorry.

- He said that, eh?

- News to me. Well, okay.

- Ah... I guess I'll have to buy some �More � water ice.

- Can I borrow four dollars?

Uh...

- I'm good for it I swear.

Okay, sure.

Here you go.

- Thanks.

- Okay, here, can you bring me a small water ice?

You got it.

Chef, is there a ritual for hand washing?

I just wash them when they're dirty.

Ah, brilliant.

I was thinking

a peppermint eggnog flavor could be fun.

Okay before we get into new flavors,

I need help with the basic flavors.

First up,

chocolate peanut butter cup.

Okay. Cup of cocoa powder,

four heaping scoops of peanut butter--

You should probably use an electric mixer.

It'd be a lot easier.

No no no. The key to the textural balance

is mixing by hand.

Ugh I love it.

Like the old vignerons of Burgundy.

Oh and what is the intention behind choosing a wooden spoon

over say, a metal spoon?

To add notes of oak to the flavor profile?

Uh... The metal spoon's in the dishwasher.

- Ah.

Alright you know what?

You're gonna go prep the strawberries.

Thank you, chef. This is a great honor.

Hmm...Yo what's better, the Tropical Mango

or the Hammonton Blueberry?

Ah... I don't know. I don't really like water ice.

Excuse me for just one second...

HR! HR!

Can you just act like you like water ice?

Come on, man.

Oh, you want me to just lie to the customers?

That's messed up.

One small mango, please.

Hank. You don't have to pay for water ice.

You work here, bud.

Oh, it's not for me. It's for Vern.

Vern?

The guy in the bathroom.

[grunts]

- Hey! You got my water ice?

So I was told you gotta pay for it with your own money.

- Okay listen, Hank.

- I want to buy water ice, I really do.

- But I've hit kind of a rough patch in life.

- And you know, I'm working my way back though.

- In fact, I've been applying for jobs.

- And I promise you, the minute I'm back on my feet,

- I'm gonna buy water ice.

- Please?

Oh I'm sorry to hear that, Vern.

Is there anything I can do to help?

- Actually, yeah.

- I just need a few things from the kitchen.

No problem.

Oh yeah, completely agree.

Healthcare, Web3 I mean those are growth spaces

that we're definitely exploring.

Oh hey Bar,

I want you to meet Lil Jawn Dice here.

He's a local influencer and hip-hop artist.

Little Jaundice?

Nah. Jawn Dice.

Mr. Dice here is actually interested in a collab:

an exclusive sizzurp flavor drop

for anyone who owns a Ganja Skunk NFT.

Uh... What?

[Tammy in background] - Hey Barry!?

[Tammy in background] - Where's the maple syrup?

Wait maple syrup?

[Tammy in background] - Never mind! I found it.

Excuse me for just one second.

Oh yeah that's the good stuff.

Um excuse me. What's all this?!

Experimenting with a new flavor: maple bacon.

No. We do not do tacky fad flavors.

We use simple, fresh ingredients--

--and we mix everything by hand.

What the hell is this!?!?

Oh. Those are all the rejects.

Hold up.

That's all you did in an hour!?

Well, I know you have such high standards.

Oh my god, alright.

You got this Barry. Just do it yourself.

- Oh also, I need you to pick up my medicine

- from my uh...the pharmacist.

Uh yeah, okay.

What in the hell?

- He's right behind the Burrito Bell

- on Harrison street, you can't miss him.

[gasp]

Oh my god.

Oh hey, Barry.

Mark we need to--

What the hell are you doing!?

Ice bath.

Why!?

Helps me quickly recover after a hard day of

thinking about innovating, you know.

Listen Mark. There is no fricken way

I'm gonna have enough water ice ready for Sunday!

Well, let's not make perfect the enemy of good here, Bar.

Mark, do you understand that I pride myself

on making the best water ice in South Jersey?

You have got to call off this event.

Okay, you're clearly stressed and overworked here.

Why don't you take a mental health day?

Go to the Spa. Reset and recharge.

So you'll call off the free water ice day?

Don't worry. I'll handle it.

Thank you.

[knock, knock]

Hey, Vern. Got the succulents you asked for.

Oh no.

He didn't buy water ice.

[peaceful music]

[party music]

What. The. Hell!?!?

Thank you very much.

Yo! There he is. Looking rejuvenated.

Hey! You said you called off this stunt!

No. I said I'd handle it. And it's handled!

Boom.

Yuck. Tastes like a cheap scented candle.

Honestly I'd rather just pay for good water ice.

This is garbage. Who made this!?

Hey there, Barry! You feeling refreshed?

[kettle whistling] Oh my,

[kettle whistling]

[kettle whistling] oh,

[kettle whistling]

[kettle whistling] oh my--

[kettle whistling] Uh,

[thud]

[Mark in background] - Yo Hank, can you call 9-1-1?

Ugh, it was my strawberries. I could see it in his eyes.

One of the ones I prepped was lopsided,

I saw it.

Yeah probably, but don't beat yourself up about it.

Well, he's not dead.

Oh, thank God.

He had a severe stress-related heart attack.

Oh, just like Dad! That's a weird coincidence.

[sigh]

Oh god. That's it. It's over.

The water ice shoppe is done.

No it's not.

I came here to take this business to the next level

and that, by darn it, is what I'm gonna do.

Without Barry, this business is nothing.

So we got a sub-par product?

There's lots of successful business

that I can't name for legal reasons have sub-par products.

It isn't always about quality.

Sometimes, it's about gimmicks.

So uh...

what flavors do you have for dogs?

All of our normal flavors.

We just serve them in a bowl.

Even the chocolate?

Yeah.

I thought dogs can't have chocolate.

Then don't get chocolate.

Did you enjoy your water ice bath sir?

Do you feel rejuvenated?

- I feel sticky.

[scary voice] � I want to play a game. �

�In order to escape this room,

you must finish the entire tub of water ice. �

My tummy hurts.

Congratulations! You completed the escape room!

So that's gonna be $80 for the water ice.

You're lucky I didn't call the police.

I'm not sure this business model is working.

[door chime]

Vern?

Hey Hank.

Wow you look...uh... not homeless.

Well, thanks to you providing me with a safe home,

reliable meals,

and my mood stabilizer medication,

I was able to get back on my feet.

Now I'm the Regional Associate Buyer for Weggler's Grocery.

Woah, that's awesome! So does that mean...

Yes, Hank.

I'm finally ready to buy that water ice.

And a lot of it. I want to put Barry's Water Ice

in freezers across South Jersey.

Oh wow!

Awesome!

- No!

Barry?

I'm Gary.

Well Gary,

I'd like to make you and your brother

the next Ben & Jerry.

No. We are done.

We're selling this place.

Gary, an order like this could save the business.

Even with Barry

we couldn't fulfill an order this big,

let alone guarantee quality.

Gary, just say "yes" and we'll figure it out.

No. It's not humanly possible.

You can't just delegate your way out of this.

Hmm.

Not humanly possible...

I think I know how to save this business.

Not another cheap gimmick.

Listen, maybe my gimmicks are what

gave my dad a heart attack,

destroyed his business, gave Barry a heart attack

and are currently destroying this business,

but now I realize...

I was just doing the wrong gimmicks!!

Yo this is the one, I promise.

Oh god. What are you doing here?

I brought you a little something...

Ta da!

What is this?

- Give it a try, Bar. I think you might be surprised.

Woah.

This is actually pretty darn good.

But how did you...?

Oh my god.

Yo Bar!

Meet the BarryBots.

I tried to stop them.

I told them it's not the same.

Yeah. Actually it's better.

They work around the clock, at double speed,

so we can stay open all year round,

no problem.

And they make all kinds of crazy flavors...

at Barry quality of course.

Yes but it lacks his je ne sais quoi!

That Barry magic.

I don't understand. But how did they learn to--

We trained them on samples from Mark and Tammy's tub,

security camera footage

and my husband's extensive and weirdly detailed notes.

Oh god, I just feel so violated.

I can't believe you said "Yes" to this.

Well now we can relax, we can live stress-free

while the Barrybots bring joy to countless generations.

Oh, totally.

Until they turn on us and make us human water ice.

Yeah but until then,

we're gonna be making a crap ton of money.

- Well...we are.

Yeah. You're all fired.

Yo Hank, you wanna grill up these dogs, watch the Phillies?

Actually, Mark.

I got something I wanna show you...

I've been saving up my UBI money and thanks to you,

I finally realized what I want to spend it on.

Oh my god, Hank, you didn't!

You got the Rocky statue?!

Ta da!

Holy crap.

[robot voice] - Hello.

- What can I get you?

- Baloney sandwich?

Aw you know it, Dad-robot.

[robot voice] - Marcus?

Dad?

[robot voice] - What is that?

- A crossbow?

- Why do you have the jaws of life?

- Is that a cannon?

- ...Mark, you moron!

[bang!]

[thump!]

Dammit, Hank.

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