Original subtitles

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪♪

[Eddie] What's women's lib?

[Tom] Well, that stands for Women's Liberation.

[Eddie] But what does it mean?

[Tom] It means that women want to be free.

[Eddie] You mean free, like cost nothing?

[Tom] No.

Free, you can do anything you want.

[Eddie] Can't they do it now?

[Tom] No. They feel that men look down on women.

[Eddie] I don't.

I have to look up.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

[telephone ringing]

I'll get it.

Hey, dad, the phone's ringing.

Somebody wants to talk to us.

Yeah, well...

Well...

The phone is ringing.

Yes. Yes, it is, Mrs. Livingston.

- Hey, dad. - Mm-hm.

They could hang up and then we'd never know who it was.

No, I don't think, no... Wrong.

Well, it could be the Guttmacher twins for me.

- That's true, that's true. - Or it could be a lady for you.

And Mrs. Livingston has never gotten any calls.

- And this could be it. - Mm-hm.

Now, Eddie, how many times have you answered the telephone

but you didn't get the message right?

Well, at least I've gotten something.

And Mrs. Livingston, what happens

when there's no one here to answer it?

But Mr. Eddie's father, we are here.

And if we don't answer

it is same thing like no one home.

Yes, except...

[telephone beeping]

Y-yeah, hello.

Uh, Tom Corbett, 732.

That is our code number.

Code number?

Yes. Oh, fine.

Good. Could you hold that for one second, please?

And then repeat it.

Welcome to Landon's Listen-In

our new answering service.

And the message, my friend, is for...

...Mr. Corbett, for you.

[chuckles]

Hello.

Oh, hello. Are you ready now, 732?

Well, I'm, I'm the son of 732.

Oh, uh...

You must be Eddie Corbett.

Well, as our newest and youngest client

let me officially welcome you to Landon's Listen-In.

We're your voice away from home.

Service in a jingle.

Never fear while Landon's Listen-In is here.

Did you just answer our phone for us

and take my message?

Uh, Neil Guttmacher called.

He can't come over and play tomorrow.

He and his brother are being punished.

Hey, that's neat.

- What, being punished? - No.

The way you can answer our phone for us.

And now we never have to answer the phone again.

Well, we, uh, we also deliver messages

cater parties, walk your dog

uh, do some last minute shopping for you.

In fact, if you need an umpire for a sandlot ball game

I'm available.

Dad, this is neat. Can I try her at somethin' else?

- Be my guest. - Okay.

Answer lady.

If Dusty Snyder calls

tell him that if he doesn't put back the air in my bicycle tires

I'm gonna slug him in the nose.

And if Rizello's daughter calls

tell her I'm out of town.

How long do you plan to be out of town?

Forever.

What's the matter, don't you like girls?

Well, I like 'em like you.

Likeme?

Yeah, far away and inside a telephone.

Goodbye.

Hey, dad, now we never have to go around

shopping for females for you.

No, we don't.

We have an answer lady in our lives.

[telephone ringing]

Hi, Eddie.

[Eddie sneezes]

It is ringing.

- How many times? - Eight.

Eight?

Hey, that's nine.

Something must've happened to our answer lady.

[sneezes]

Oh, Eddie...

Your cold is getting worse.

I think you should go right to bed.

But it's probably just a tickle in my nose.

[sneezes]

I'm going to bring you orange juice

and you will get into bed.

For just a tickle in my nose?

[sneezes]

[telephone beeping]

Landon's Listen-In, is it...

Oh, 732. Hi, Eddie.

Hi, answer lady. Um, are you okay?

The phone kept ringing and ringing...

[sneezes]

Gesundheit.

Son of 732, are you catching a cold?

Well, not really a cold, just a tickle in my nose.

Mrs. Livingston says I have to go straight to bed.

Did you ever have to go to bed

because of a tickle in your nose?

[chuckles]

N-no Eddie, not rea...

Look, could you hold on a second, please?

Jeff, could you get on the line with the son of 732?

I'm swamped!

Now, 13-5 is flashing.

Me? What do I say?

I don't know, uh...

Tell him one of your unpublished masterpieces.

He's a kid, he'll love your stories.

Hello, son of 732?

Landon's Listen-In, is it...

Oh, 55! Listen, you're in big trouble.

Your mother just called

and she says that her analyst appointment

conflicts with yours.

And she wants to know, do you want

to go and talk about her

or should she simply go and defend herself?

And from behind the door creeping around

very slowly is asmalllittle gremlin.

Oh, um, I have to go now, okay?

Goodbye.

Thank you.

[sneezes]

Now, that's a cold.

[telephone ringing]

Here we go.

- The phone is ringing. - Yeah, I know.

What a service we've got.

[mumbling] Bet you I don't have any temp.

Now, well, we'll see.

[sneezes]

Well, that's just great.

Well, you're right, you don't have a temperature

but you do have a cold.

So, I, uh, I want you to take four of these.

- What are those? - Well, these are vitamin.

You know, when you're tryin' to prevent a cold

you take two of 'em, when you have a cold

you double up, take four.

You mean, you take twice as much

as didn't help you in the first place?

Look, it says right here.

"The minimum daily requirement for vitamins"

"has never been clearly established."

Sounds like they don't know what they're doing.

It may sound that way

but you will take four of them, alright?

[telephone rings] I think I better get that phone.

The answer lady will get it.

Yeah, well, it could be the office.

Look, now, you take those and get a vitamin balance, okay?

And will you tell Mr. Corbett

that I have a bad cold?

Huh, Mrs. Livingston, I'm on the line.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Livingston, we seem to have a cross line.

No, it's not a cross line at all.

No, it's me, Tom Corbett, 732.

I think it would be better for Eddie

if I stayed home.

Well, you better take some vitamin C.

Uh, Mrs. Livingston, are you on a party line?

No, this is not a party line.

It's Tom Corbett. This is my own line.I...

Mrs. Livingston, I-I, I know you're not felling well.

Have you taken your temperature?

Hello, hello.

- Hello. - Hello.

Well, you do have a cold, Mrs. Livingston.

- Your voice is very low. - Hello.

I hope Mr. Eddie's father

I mean Mr. Corbett gets the message.

I get it. I get it. I've got it.

I can't hear you, Mrs. Livingston

but I'll deliver the message.

Hello. Hello! Hello!

Oh, Landon's Listen-In.

Yeah, well then listen, please!

This is Tom Corbett, 732.

Oh, hi, Mr. Corbett, I have a message for you.

Mrs. Livingston just called.

Yes, I-I know. I was on the line.

You didn't have to do that.

- But I did. - Well, how's Eddie?

- Feeling better? - W-we-well, yes.

As a matter of fact, he is. He hasn't got a temperature.

[Annie on phone] Oh, give him plenty of vitamins.

And why don't you go ahead to work?

I'll watch Eddie for you.

W-well, thank you very much, but uh...

Look, it's all part of the service.

Uh, anything you want, we'll do it.

But all I hired was an answering service.

[Annie] Look, if there's any problem

all Eddie has to do is just call in.

Uh, never fear, Landon's Listen-In is here.

- Dad? - Hmm.

You can leave me alone.

Uh, Eddie, I think you better get back to bed, huh?

But, dad, you keep on telling me that I'm growin' up.

And I'm gonna have to learn how to take on responsibilities.

How am I ever gonna get to do that

if you don't give me a chance?

Yeah, well...

Do you think you can take care of yourself?

With the answer lady, I'm positive.

Well...

Okay, I'll only be gone an hour.

Now, you get back to bed, okay? Okay.

Uh, yes, uh, hello, uh, uh, miss, uh...

Uh, Dempsey. Annie Dempsey.

Ah, yes. Well, you got yourself a deal.

Oh, thanks a lot, Mr. Corbett.

And remember, give him plenty of vitamins.

Yes. Yes, well, I, I already have.

Well, give him more.

The minimum daily requirement for vitamins

has never been clearly established.

[telephone ringing]

- Eddie! - Hi, dad. I'm in here.

Well, how come the phone has...

Landon's Listen-In.

Oh, yeah, uh, Attorney Jackson.

- How did you do that? - Yes, sir.

You're, uh, due in court on Friday.

And you want the divorce party at the first part

to ignore the insulted party...

...of the second part.

- Miss. - Yes, sir. Right.

- Pardon me, miss, uh-- - You're welcome.

- Yeah, uh... - This is my...

Yes. Oh... Gee!

- Hello. Hello. Hi. - Hi, hi! Listen.

I, uh, 732, I'm very sorry that I'm tying up your phone.

- But I had all my calls... - All your calls?

transferred here. Landon's Listen-In.

But this is my... Hello?

- Ooh, hi, Jude! - Jude?

[Annie] Oh, listen, I-I got all that information you wanted.

Listen, uh, the fourth horse in the sixth race finished third.

Uh, the ninth horse in the seventh race finished last.

- Oh, a bookie. - Oh, and the...

The eighth horse in the eighth race

got stuck at the starting gate.

- Dad, isn't she terrific? - Eddie.

Well, she came in here to play with me.

And look at this book she brought.

- It's really neat! - Eddie.

See, this guy that works with her, writes them for kids.

Yeah, yeah, I don't think you should've asked her over.

Well, she came here on her own.

But we don't need a stranger around here.

But a stranger isn't a stranger after a while.

Huh.

- Do you like clam chowder? - What? Clam chowder?

Yeah, Annie made it for us for dinner.

She says it's real good for my cold.

I invited her for dinner.

- Oh, you did? - Yeah.

Oh, swell.

Annie will get back.

Yes, yes, I'm, uh, I'm beginning to realize that.

♪♪

- He won't bite, I promise. - Oh, good.

[Annie] You see, one of my clients is an actor.

He's really very good, but nobody appreciates him.

- The dog? - No, the actor.

You see, he had a very important audition today.

And, uh, he doesn't, uh...

Well, he's afraid to stay alone.

- The actor? - No, the dog.

- The dog. - Yes, he's very shy.

He likes to sit in corners.

Wow, look at that beautiful dog!

Easy, sport, it's a strange dog.

Be careful now, Eddie. He's bigger than you are.

Hey, dad...

Now, if you can't get me that horse you promised

this is close enough.

[sneezes]

Hey, it caught my cold.

Don't worry, we'll give him clam chowder.

Clam chowder for dog?

Look, clam chowder is terrific. Cures almost anything.

- You're kidding? - No.

I-it's kind of like the Irish version of chicken soup.

Besides, you know, the minimum daily requirement

for clam chowder has never been clearly established.

[telephone ringing]

No, no! No, thank you. I-I'll get it, I'll get it.

I mean, after all, it's one...

When I'm in my own home

uh, I'll answer the call.

But I ap-appreciate that. I appreciate it, you...

Your marvelous service.

Hello?

It's for you.

Uh, Landon's Listen-In is here.

She certainly is.

- The wine is sensational. - Thank you.

Well, you know something, clam chowder really brings out

the taste in a good wine.

[slurping]

I'm starting to feel better tonight.

- Maybe I could stay up later. - No.

- Maybe I could watch TV. - Uh, no, sport.

Uh, be... Uh, w-w-we'd like to thank you

for a, for an excellent meal

and, uh, for taking care of Eddie.

I love kids.

[Annie chuckles]

[slurping]

Well, since you won't let me stay up late

or since you won't let me watch TV

I think I'll just go in my room and leave you two alone.

Look, I'm gonna leave as soon as I finish the dishes.

[Tom] N-no, you don't have to do the dishes.

Yes, I do.

[Tom] Look, are, uh, are you alright?

I think maybe we ought to put her to bed instead of me.

No. No, I'm, I'm gonna be alright.

I'm gonna be alright.

[laughs]

Well, what's wrong?

Unfortunately for me, the minimum

daily requirement for wine

has been clearly established.

Yes, well, is there anything I can get you?

A blanket.

What are we gonna do?

[Tom] I think we're gonna have to go along

and get her what she wants, hm. A blanket.

[barking]

I think maybe he wants some more clam chowder.

♪♪

[Annie] Bruce!

Come on, hey, Bruce! Ready for breakfast, Bruce.

Oh, hi, good morning, Mr. Corbett.

- Good morning. - Uh, shame on you, Bruce. Off!

Off that bed, Bruce.

Oh, I'm sorry. Ah, it's not my fault.

You see, I was making breakfast in the kitchen and he got away.

Come on, Bruce!

Off! Come on! Off that bed. I'm sorry.

- But at least, he got you up. - Where's Eddie?

Well, he's uh, he's getting dressed.

He's gonna be in the kitchen in a minute now.

You're gonna have to hurry 'cause we're having a hot

baked bean omelet for breakfast.

It's not good when it's cold.

Yeah, alright. But, well, c-could you

get the dog t-to move?

Come on, Bruce, get off!

[Bruce barking] I'm sorry.

[panting]

Off! Right now! That's a boy!

Wow, this is really great, Annie.

Oh, thanks, Eddie.

- Delicious. - Thank you.

You know, when I was in college

I was thinking of majoring in cooking.

You know, when you get right down to it

I'd rather major in people.

[telephone ringing]

- Oh, I'll get it. - Ah, well, thank you.

What's the matter, dad? Don't you like the omelet?

No, it's fine. The omelet's fine.

- Then what's the matter? - Well...

Well, nothing, Eddie, it's just that I thought I had

I thought I had hired an answering service

and instead I got a, a house keeper

an overnight guest, a cook and, and, and a dog.

Look, would you, look, would you just go, go away, please?

Just, just, just...

- But she's doing good. - Yeah. Hm.

Easy.

That was Kath...

Kathy, uh, the girl I work with.

Uh-huh! Oh, oh!

- Is something wrong? - Well, yes, kind of.

Uh, I mean, see, I'm not even supposed to be here.

I'm supposed to be some place else.

We are catering a very important dinner tonight.

- Is that right? - You know, we do lots--

- I didn't know that. - Oh, yeah.

I mean if you're planning a trip ton Europe--

We're not planning it, we're not gonna go to Europe.

Are we, sport? I guess you and the dogs will be going then.

I'm gonna clean up before I go here.

Uh-huh, no, you don't have to bother.

We'll clean up. We can clean up everything, can't we?

[sneezes]

God bless you! We'll pick up the dishes, you see.

We'll wipe up the stove.

God bless! Gesundheit.

Now, you see, there's no problem here...

Boy, what sneezing! That's a record!

[chuckles]

Can I get you something?

- Yeah, a tissue. - I should've known.

Will you go away?

[sneezes]

I'm sure I have no temperature.

Hey, wait. You answered the phone, right?

Maybe, you caught my germs from when I answered the phone.

Why don't you try and just lie still, hm?

And try not to sneeze.

[squealing]

Okay!

Looks like we're ready now.

Well, according to this, you probably don't have a cold

but it's probably tickle in the nose.

That's what I had.

And you said it was a cold.

[doorbell rings]

- I'll get it. - Uh, no, no, no, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Don't worry.

You see, we'll take care of you.

Now, just lie still.

We'll take care of you just like you took care of me.

Yeah, we, uh, work together.

- At Landon's Listen-In? - Right, right.

- And he's furious. - He, who?

- Mr. Landon. - Uh-huh.

You see, Annie's supposed to be at this important client's house

catering a party today.

Oh, well, she's in the bedroom.

Oh.

[chuckles]

- Can I see her? - Oh, yes. My pleasure, please.

Hi, Bruce.

[sneezes]

Annie!

Are you alright?

[sneezes]

No temp.

Ah, she'll be alright in a while.

I-I'm allergic to something in the apartment.

Then maybe you should go home.

I'll, I'll get it, I'll get it.

I sent, I sent Jeff over to make preparations for the party.

It's good experience for him.

[gasps]

And I was supposed to be covering for her at this party.

But I didn't know where to begin.

Oh, she's right in there.

Hi, Bruce.

Bruce, look...

Look, uh, how would you like a drink, huh? Hm?

Loving Mary? How 'bout a, uh, how 'bout a Harvey Wallbanger?

Oh! Breath...

Clam chowder. Clam chowder.

Yeah, alright. Okay, Bruce, alright.

[doorbell rings]

Bruce, come on, Bruce!

I like you. You're a funny dog.

- Yes? - Where is she?

- She's in there. - You know who I am?

- No. - I'm Landon.

Of Landon's Listen-In. I know who you are.

You're Corbett. One of my clients.

And I think you misunderstand us.

We supply many services.

But that does not include hanky-panky with my operators.

Hanky-panky?

I know she stayed here overnight.

Hello, Bruce.

What's 432's dog doing here?

Well, he likes the clam chowder.

[Annie and Kathy] Landon.

[Landon] Annie!

This is a dream.

This...

Pinch me, somebody, I'm not awake.

Hi, Mr. Landon.

[Annie] Hi, Mr. Landon.

[Kathy] Hi, Mr. Landon. How do you feel?

[Landon] Annie...

How could you do this to me?

I mean, after all I've done for you.

I put you in business, I gave you an office in my building.

Rented. Rented.

Sleeping over at a client's apartment

is not one of our services.

Oh, we didn't all sleep over, Mr. Landon, just Annie did.

[chuckles] Thank you.

Annie, you're supposed to cater a party

not have your own.

[doorbell rings]

Uh, I'll get it.

Hi! Bruce here? Hello, boy.

Hey, thank you. Hope he wasn't too much trouble.

Thank you, Annie. I got the part.

Are they lucky to have me!

Hey, you run a terrific service, Mr. Landon.

Thank you.

Well, come on, boy!

Come on!

He's right.

You do run a terrific service.

Yeah.

"Hanky-Panky Enterprises Inc."

- Dad, what's hanky-panky? - Uh, later. Okay, sport?

Uh, now, my son once told me

he said that strangers...

...are not strangers after a while.

And I'm beginning to sense something truly genuine

very unique

about Landon's Listen-In.

[sniffs]

Kathy, Jeff, it's the dog!

- What dog? - What was the dog?

My allergy, that's what was making me sneeze.

- Dad, what's hanky-panky? - Later, sport, alright? Later?

[Tom] You see, I was, I was going to do an article

on personal services that are, are lacking

uh, i-in today's busy-busy society.

What?

Wait a minute.

You, y-you wrote an article?

Well, you see, I'm actually an editor

of a newspaper magazine supplement.

And I think that Landon's Listen-In

and, of course, Ms. Dempsey

would make fascinating reading.

- Oh. Oh, thank you. - It's alright.

You write this magazine article and you can have

free Landon's Listen-In service for whole year.

Uh, as a matter of fact I was planning on cancelling it.

- You are? - We are?

I think it's best for my son

to, to learn to answer the telephone.

You can't argue with that.

A man of your influence

who can reach so many millions of people

with his magazine can't be all wrong.

Well, then. It uh, it's all settled.

So, now, if, uh, if you'll excuse us

I have a little, little serious playing to do with my son.

And we can still be friends?

Always.

[telephone rings]

Ah, um, I'll get it.

- Oh, may I? - Huh?

I mean, you know, for old times sake.

- Oh, uh, be my guest. - Thank you.

Landon's Listen-In.

Dad, what's hanky-panky?

Later, Eddie, okay?

Oh, yes, yeah.

It's that new Arabian prince we signed as a client.

Yeah, hi, king. Uh-huh...

Oh, sure. Uh...

He wants another belly dancer sent up to his hotel room.

Oh, yes, Your Highness.

Right... Well, listen, as long as you got your health, right?

And besides, you know, the minimum daily

requirements for belly dancers

has never been clearly established.

[telephone ringing]

Good morning, Mrs. Livingston.

Good morning, Mr. Eddie's father.

Ah, the telephone.

- Yes, it is still ringing. - Yeah, yeah.

Yes, hello?

Hello?

Oh, they, they hung up.

You told me not to answer the phone.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Livingston.

While you were gone, I cancelled the service.

Good morning, Mrs. Livingston.

It's nice to see you again. We missed you a lot.

I missed you, I am glad you are over with your cold.

I'm glad you're over with your cold, too.

Well, a cold is an uncomfortable thing

but fortunately, I have a wonderful cure.

- What's that? - Clam chowder.

[Eddie] I still don't understand that women's lib thing.

[Tom] Well, Eddie, it's just that women

want to be treated the same as men.

They wanna have the same opportunities

the same advantages and compete for the same jobs.

[Eddie] You mean like having a woman president?

[Tom] That's right.

- I wouldn't like that. - Why not?

[Eddie] When I meet the president of the United States

I don't wanna kiss him.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪♪

♪ Pa ra pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪