Original subtitles

[birds chirping]

[Eddie] Where do you think the idea of a bridge first came from?

[Tom] Well, from someone who was on one side

of something, and wanted to get to the other side.

[Eddie] My teacher would say, that's an answer

that wouldn't tell me anything.

[Tom] You mean exactly "Who" was on the side of "What"

and "Where" and "Why" did he want to get to "It?"

[Eddie] Yeah.

[Tom] I don't know.

[Tom] The first idea of a bridge though

must've happened a long time ago.

[Eddie] Maybe some caveman saw a cavewoman

on the other side of a river.

[Tom] And he wanted to get over to her side.

[Eddie] Yeah.

[Tom] Or maybe she wanted to get over to his side.

[Eddie] Yeah.

[Tom] Maybe the bridge was her idea.

[Eddie] Yeah.

[Tom chuckles]

["Best friend" by Nilsson]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪

[scatting]

[sighs]

Hi, sport. What'd you do today?

- I went to the library. - Library, huh?

I see you found something to read. "How to do stuff."

'Bout the fact, that you have a book in your hand.

Yep, and it's a great book too.

What makes a book great?

Well, this. "Fun for Son and Dad."

'Bout things we can do together.

Sounds like our kind of book.

He has been reading it ever since he came home.

No kidding.

- Listen to this, dad. - Alright.

"Lizard hunting in the Death Valley."

Now, doesn't that sound great?

Well, yeah, it sounds sorta super.

Uh-huh. But, uh, listen, let's not settle for the first choice.

No, that was the second choice.

The first choice was rattlesnake-collecting

in the Mojave Desert.

Oh.

I didn't think you'd go for that.

No, I don't go for that.

How about jogging?

Jogging sounds fun.

Says about a mile a day to start

and you have to get up 5 o'clock in the morning.

Why?

Well, that way we could get it done

before I go to school, and you go to work.

Well, t-t-that sounds alright

but 5:00 in the morning is rough, sport.

There must be a more gentle way

to tell your buddy it is time to get up.

Yeah!

- Hey, here's another one. - What's that?

- Beekeeping. - Beekeeping?

Yeah! It says that a bee hardly ever stings

once it gets to know you.

Oh, I would be happy notto let bees know me.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, I don't... I don't think we can do that here anyway.

'Cause this is an apartment, right?

We're not zoned for beekeeping. What else is there?

- Hey! Guppy breeding. - Guppy breeding? Let's see.

Hey, you're right. "You start with two guppies.

And in six months you have 600,000?"

- That's not for us. - How come?

That's something the guppies do. Not us.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. Well, what else they got here?

They have mountain climbing, and we got, uh, pigeon training

cat breeding, karate.

Karate. How 'bout that?

Hey, that sounds neat.

It is a very healthy sport.

Good, good. Then karate it is.

As a matter of fact, I like it a lot better.

- You know why? - Why?

Well, we don't have to get up at 5 o'clock

in the morning, do we?

- Yeah. - You like karate?

- Yeah. - Karate it is.

- Good. - Ready.

Ha-cha!

You see? You see what I know, and you don't know already?

I think that's judo.

♪♪

Boy, I just don't believe these files.

Don't understand why we didn't throw it out years ago.

As a matter of fact I can't understand why we filed it

in the first place.

Hey, look, here's a telegram

congratulating Harry Truman on his election.

- Really? - As a judge in Kansas City.

Come on. Come on, gang.

Let's not get hung up, okay?

Yeah, I guess we don't have any use

for a World War II ration book.

Oh, that's fascinating.

Tina, we're trying to get rid of things.

But, Mr. Corbett, this is history.

Don't you find that interesting?

No. No, I just find it space consuming. Thank you.

Out. Out!

Well, at least we're getting a lot of exercise.

Speaking of which, karate is gonna be terrific for you.

I didn't know you were taking karate.

Oh, yeah. Pretty soon Eddie and I are gonna start.

Oh, karate is a wonderful sport.

It teaches good posture, and timing and co-ordination

and balance, just like ballet.

Just like, just like ballet?

Well, in that case, I guess it must be better than

lizard hunting in Death Valley.

[Tina] Oh, yes.

Ha!

If you match your explosive yell with your quick intended action

it has the effect of terrifyingthe enemy.

It also terrifies your friends, Norman.

Uh, I-I didn't know you knew karate.

I researched an article on it a few weeks ago.

Oh... Oh, well, then in that case

then maybe you could tell me a good place to go study.

Ah, yes, Ed Parker. H-he's right down the block.

His hours are 11:00 to 9:00, and his number is 274-2247.

That's amazing, Tina, for someone who has to look

in the telephone book to find information.

No, it's not amazing, I went with Norman

when he researched the article.

Oh. Oh...

Hey, listen, you know, karate really is exciting.

- Can I join you? - Oh, I-I'm sorry, Norman.

I'm afraid this time it's a father-and-son thing.

Oh, that's too bad.

Because I have more energy than I know what to do with decently.

[clears throat] Tina... out.

- Hyah! - Hyah!

[grunting]

- Hyah! - Hyah!

[Ed] In karate we have a saying...

"He who hesitates, meditates

in horizontal position."

How come you have to bow to each other?

Bowing is symbolic of respect.

It's like a boxer who touches gloves prior to a match.

Well, that's funny, because I-I noticed that when your, uh...

when your people started, they didn't, uh...

they didn't bow, exactly, they put their hands together

and they nodded their head, but I always think of it

as the Japanese bow.

Oh, yes, this is the way they bow in China.

The clenched hand represented a warrior

the open hand, a scholar.

And when under Manchurian domination

and fighting together, they went forward

fighting back to back.

To pull their country together again.

[Tom] Oh!

Well, I always thought of karate as an offensive sport

and, a-and very often I see you...

your students practicing defensively.

Karate is basically defensive.

But it can be very easily changed from defense to offense.

For example, Bill.

The best defense is to take one step back.

[screaming]

Wow.

Yeah, wow.

[whistles] Like that?

Yeah.

Well, it's going fine. It's a fascinating sport.

Yes, sir! You're going to be black belt in no time.

[Tom] Yes, I'll be lucky if I make white belt.

- Sure good thing I didn't go. - Why not?

'Cause I'd be a garter belt.

- Oh, Tina, that was terrible. - I know.

1951 statistics, Dodgers, left handers.

- Ah. - Hey, that's history.

No, that's clutter. Out.

- Hmm, how's Eddie doing? - Oh, he's doing fine.

As a matter of fact he's learning how to bow.

What does that do?

Well, for one thing it makes a smaller target.

[Tom] You, go back to work.

You, go back to work.

[no dialog]

- Good boy. Now your turn. - Okay.

[grunts]

Now, let me attack you.

[grunts]

Now you've got it, Eddie.

Now you're really beginning to understand.

Seems to me like I'm falling down a lot.

Now, sport, it's all the way in which you fall.

- Oh. - Exactly.

There's an art to everything.

Now, you take a five-minute rest.

Okay.

But stay alert.

Okay. Aho.

- Hmm, like son like father. - Well, thank you very much.

Yeah. Heh.

Now, you want to attack me again?

Not this time.

You attack me.

It's always best that a student learns

to takeas well as to give.

Alright. Ha!

[screaming]

[groans]

Well, I have learned one thing about karate.

It is better to give than to receive.

[indistinct chatter]

[Harold] Hey, Eddie.

Where've you been? We haven't seen you around.

Oh, I've been taking karate lessons.

That's cool!

Can you show us some moves?

I don't really know that much about it yet.

Oh, you had to learn something.

Well, I did learn something.

I learned that karate goes back 4,000 years.

They should have improved it by now.

They did improve it. It's perfect.

Well, if karate's so great, why don't you try some on me?

Well, I can't, Harold. It's not for fooling around.

Oh, come on, Eddie, let's see what they taught ya.

[all] Yeah.

Okay, first you have to bow like this.

Bow? Pretty soon you'll be learning how to curtsy.

[kids laughing]

Come on, show me some real stuff.

- Try and flip me. - I can't, Harold.

I'm just a beginner.

Well, what would you do if I did this?

♪♪

Come on, try and flip me.

Try and knock me down, I dare ya.

I double dare ya.

I dare ya.

[Mrs. Livingston] Good evening, Mr. Eddie's father.

Oh, good evening, Mrs. Livingston.

How is Eddie doing karate lessons?

Well, he's doing very well. I'm very proud of him.

Oh, I hope so. Are you sure he's doing well?

Well, I thought he was. Is something wrong?

Well, I think you better see Eddie.

What is it, Mrs. Livingston?

Eddie, what happened?

I think I forgot to stay alert.

Now, come on. What really happened?

Well, I was in the school yard

and Jay and Richie and Mitchell were there.

[Tom] Yes?

And they wanted me to show 'em some karate.

- And they ganged up on you? - No.

Harold did it all by himself.

Harold? Who's Harold?

He's a fifth grader.

Why would a fifth grader want to pick on you?

- I don't know. - Hold this for me please.

Now, Eddie, what did he do?

Well, first he knocked the books out of my hands.

- Yeah. - And then...

I bent down to pick 'em up, he tripped me, I got back up

and then he shoved me up against a water fountain.

That's how I got this scrape.

- Did he give you a reason? - Nope.

He just said that this proves

karate doesn't change anything.

What did he mean?

Well, Eddie, I think he wants everyone in the school to know

that he is still top bully.

I never said he wasn't.

Yes, but he might be afraid that your learning

karate could change everything.

I don't even know enough karate to change anything.

Mm-hmm.

Well, Eddie, I'm afraid I'm going to have to

have a talk with your principal.

Dad, please don't do that.

Well, I don't mean to squeal, you understand, I mean, uh...

Here, I'll hold that.

I mean, just a quiet little talk.

I'm afraid that would cause more trouble.

Oh, Eddie, something has got to be done.

Maybe I could watch out for him for a little while.

No, I don't-I don't think that's gonna work, sport

but, well, you might get him to stop

if you could have a little talk with him.

Think that'd work?

I don't know, sport, but if you find out what's bothering him

you might not have to have a fight

with him every time you see him.

What should I say?

Uh, well, I don't know.

How about, um...

"Harold, there's no reason for us to fight.

You want to talk about it?"

Harold, there's no reason for us to fight.

You want to talk about it?

♪♪

Harold again?

Pretty good guess, dad.

Did you say what I said?

Yeah, I said what you said.

But he didn't do what you said he would do.

- New bruises need new ice. - Hmm.

Well, Eddie, I'm terribly sorry

that my advice didn't work out.

That's okay, dad.

You know that book I have?

Things father and sons can do together.

Like lizard hunting?

Yeah, like lizard hunting.

You know, a guy could become

pretty good friends with a lizard.

You trying to tell me you're giving up karate?

Yeah.

At least till everything heals.

Eddie...

Now, we've been through things like this before, haven't we?

And you know that every time you run away

you only take your fear with you.

Yeah, but it sure cuts down on black eyes.

Well, maybe so.

But you can't run away every time you see Harold.

I mean, sooner or later

you're gonna have to do something about it.

Well, yeah, but he'll always be

bigger and stronger than I am.

Exactly.

And that's just the reason you should

take care of it right now.

Now, if I can't figure out something better

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to talk to your principal.

How does it feel now?

Well, it still hurts.

But now it's cold too.

Boy, that really makes me mad.

Well, it makes me mad too, Norman

but I like Eddie to work things out for himself.

You just can't let the kid go around getting beaten up.

I agree with you, but I don't want to

do anything to make things worse.

It really makes me mad.

Well, what do you think I ought to do?

Hey, maybe we're overlooking the obvious.

- What's that? - Karate.

That's what started this in the first place.

No, all that he has is the name karate.

- He doesn't have the skill. - Well, I don't know.

Well, after all, that's what karate is all about, isn't it?

The defense in the little man.

Yeah, but it takes time.

Well, maybe this Ed Parker guy...

Maybe he could give him a crash course.

Well, I don't know, I have my doubts about it

but I guess it's worth a try.

Wait a minute, what are you throwing away?

There may be something exciting.

Exciting?

Pictures of the happiness of owning a 1956 Edsel.

Out.

No, no.

Grab a little higher...

...then step back with your right foot.

Well, you might be able to use

that the next time you're attacked.

But, Mr. Parker, Harold doesn't believe in karate.

It's the non-believers that always cause the trouble.

Besides, he's bigger and heavier than I am.

The size has nothing to do with it.

When you learn karate, he'll be no match for you.

I hope that'll be pretty soon.

'Cause Harold can hardly wait.

Well, be patient, Eddie.

- We'll work on a headlock. - That's wrestling.

No, that's when he applies it.

Now, step forward with your right foot.

Hit me in the stomach. That's right.

And grab.

Wouldn't it be easier if I just

pushed him down and ran?

The best defense is to run.

But when you learn karate, you learn to run with dignity.

Oh.

- Ah! Let's try it again. - Okay.

Uh, uh, Mr. Parker

could I speak to you for a second, please?

- Ah, of course. - Oh, good.

Sport, listen, you wanna go to the showers

and everything, and I-I'll join you in just a second, okay?

Okay.

Ah, let me ask you a question right out.

How long do you think it'll be

before he'll be able to use karate?

My answer is...

- Courage now. - Yes.

- Patience now. - Yes.

- And karate? - Yeah.

Later.

Later?

Well...

Thank you.

Do we have to go and see Harold's father?

Well, we do, if we're going to have

a man to man talk.

I tried that with Harold.

Now I'm gonna try it with Harold's father.

I don't think it'll work.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Watch out for his left hook, 'cause they run in the family.

And watch out for his right hand

because that's the one he hit me with.

Well, Eddie, adults talk differently

to each other than children do.

They do?

Yeah, adults talk things out.

Well, I sure hope Harold's father's grown up.

Yeah, so do I.

But not too grown up.

What do you mean?

In case he doesn't wanna talk

you don't want him too big.

Yeah.

[knock at door]

Yeah, come on down.

- Mr. O'Brien? - Yeah, who's that?

Uh, Mr. O'Brien, your-your wife let me in.

My name is Tom Corbett, I'm Eddie Corbett's father.

Yeah?

Uh, this is Eddie Corbett.

Figures.

Uh, Eddie goes to school with your boy Harold.

- Harold! - Yeah?

Come here.

- Uh, you want a beer? - No, thank you.

No, thank you.

Yeah?

Harold, this here is Mr. Corbett.

- And you know Eddie. - Yeah.

Alright, so what's he done?

Well, it, uh, it seems that your boy Harold

has been beating up Eddie sort of regularly.

Harold, you been doin' that?

Yeah.

Ain't that beautiful how he tells the truth?

Well, yes, that's-that's terribly commendable.

But tell me something, Harold, why?

Why do you have to beat up Eddie every day?

Well, it's just that I got this reputation

for being the best fighter in the school.

I had the same reputation in school too.

Hey, sure you don't want a cold beer?

No. No, no, thank you.

Harold, n-now look...

Now everyone knows that you're the best fighter.

So what are you gonna prove by beating him up all the time?

- Hey, he's learning karate. - Yes?

So, I gotta prove that I can beat karate too.

But he must've told you

he's only taking it as a sport.

So you'll still be the best fighter in the school

without having to prove it every day.

Well, he's just learning.

Maybe after he learns it won't be so easy.

This way he just gets in the habit of respecting me.

Uh-huh? Well...

Um...

Uh, pardon me, but did, uh, did you just hear that?

Yeah, makes sense to me.

Well, what are you gonna do about it?

I'm gonna have another beer.

No, wait a minute, are you going to tell me

that you-you approve

of your boy beating up

all the other boys in school?

Yeah, well, I'll be truthful with you.

I don't think about it, period.

I have a policy never to mix in.

If the kids have a problem

let 'em work it out themselves.

Yeah, well, Harold is bigger than Eddie.

Well, I'm bigger than you.

It must run in the family.

♪♪

How do you feel about fair play?

Look, Corbett, I told you

I don't mix in.

Leave it up to the kids.

Shouldn't have gone along bragging about your karate.

I didn't brag.

And you shouldn't have squealed.

I didn't squeal.

You just can't hide a black eye, you know.

Yeah, well, it ain't gonna do you no good.

Yes, it is. My father is gonna take care of it.

Your father is gonna do nothin'.

Oh, yeah? He's gonna make your father make you stop.

No chance. My father don't get pushed around.

My father don't get pushed around either.

- Your father? - My father.

Your father's a bum.

Dad!

- Dad, he hit me. - Alright.

- You saw him? - Right.

And you're just gonna let him?

Right. I'm just gonna let him.

I told you, I don't mix in.

I don't mix in when you win

I don't mix in when you lose.

- But-- - But nothin'.

And since you're such a sucker

for a sneak right hand

my advice to you is you better lay off.

♪♪

Uh, if you don't mind

I-I think I'd like to take that beer now.

Sure.

Thank you.

♪♪

You know something?

I think everything worked out pretty well today.

I guess so.

Gotta ask you a question though.

If you knew you could hit like that

what was the problem in the first place?

Well, the problem was I wasn't thinking about hitting.

I was thinking about karate

and I don't do that that hot.

Oh, I see.

Besides, it's different when you get mad.

- Yeah, it is, isn't it? - Yeah.

Yeah, off to bed.

I'll tell you something though.

I personally would like to thank you very, very much

for sticking up for me the way you did.

Oh, you were doing it for me.

Well, one hand washes the other.

- But I washed my hands. - That's not what I mean.

You did a bad job too.

No. That is a saying, and it means...

"Old buddies stick together."

Yeah.

♪♪

Yeah, I've been meaning to ask, how's the karate coming along?

Well, I think we're gonna phase it out.

Oh, Eddie isn't doing too well, huh?

Oh, yeah, he's doing fine, but I'm not too crazy

about it as a steady diet.

Aw, and just when you thought you'd found something

that you two really liked to do together.

Hey, Tom, why don't you pick out something you'd like?

Oh, I'm afraid that'd be a little problem, Norman.

Why?

Because Eddie's too young to double date.

Hey, look at this.

The original "Wrong Way" Corrigan flight report.

[both] Out!

♪♪

[Eddie] What do you think is the bravest deed in all history?

[Tom] "In all history" covers an awful lot of ground, Eddie.

[Eddie] But if you had to pick just one.

[Tom] I guess I'd have to say...

Columbus crossing the Atlantic.

[Eddie] Even more than our going to the moon?

[Tom] When we went to the moon, we knew more about

what to expect than Columbus did.

[Eddie] Yeah, I see what you mean.

[Tom] And also because you said

I had to pick just one.

[Eddie] There's been a lot of heroes in history, haven't there?

[Tom] You know, you don't have to be a big hero

to be considered brave, sport.

I mean, sometimes just ordinary living

takes an awful lot of courage.

[Eddie] I think I know what you mean.

[Tom] I think you do.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa pa ra ra ra pa ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪