Original subtitles

- Dad? - Yes, my friend.

[Eddie] Why do salmons swim upstream?

[Tom] Well, to find a lady salmon and get married.

[Eddie] Wouldn't it be easier for the lady salmon

to swim downstream and meet them?

[Tom] Oh! You're so practical.

[Eddie chuckles]

- Did cavemen have pencils? - Did what?

[Eddie] Did cavemen have pencils?

[Tom] No, I don't think they had pencils.

Uh, they used to use a chisel

on a big rock and they would

carve everything in stone.

[Eddie] Boy, it must've taken forever to do your homework.

[Tom] Yeah.

[Eddie] Yeah.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you about my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

Have it first thing tomorrow morning, Tom.

Oh, I can't do it, Norman.

- Sure, you can. - What makes you think so?

Well, if you tell me what it is you can't do

I'll tell you why I think so.

What it is is balancing my budget.

Ooh, that's easy.

Don't have a budget.

If you don't have a budget, you don't have

to worry about balancing it.

You could live that way, Norman, but I can't.

I'll admit, it's an art.

What it is is the cost of living.

I mean, the eyelashes that I usually buy

went up 75 cents last week.

What you gotta do is find a way to increase your income.

I got it, a raise.

Norman, I just got a big one last year

and Mr. Corbett said it was gonna

have to last a long, long time.

But that was a year ago.

And your work must've improved in the last year.

Yeah, I used to type 60 words a minute

and now, I do better than that.

Yeah, what do you do now?

Sixty two or 63.

That's a five percent increase.

Yeah. But my filing is slower.

See, if you move up and down too fast

it's terrible on your panty-hose.

I don't have that problem.

Well, you don't have to do any filing.

[chuckles] I don't wear panty-hose.

It sure is a lot easier to be a man, isn't it?

For me? Yeah.

Look, the important issue here is

you need a raise.

And Tom Corbett, managing director

cannot get along without you.

You don't think so?

- I know so. - Huh.

And I know you can get a raise if you do it right.

- How do I do it right? - You use your ultimate weapon.

What's that?

You go inside and you say to him

"Mr. Corbett, if I don't get a raise

I'm gonna have to quit."

♪♪

Norman, I don't wanna quit.

You don't have to quit.

Look, Tom Corbett is a wonderful person

and he's our personal friend.

But that's only one Tom Corbett.

The other Tom Corbett, he's an executive.

He's a boss, he's management.

I think I'd rather talk to the friend.

You gotta forget the personal friend.

You've gotta address yourself to Tom Corbett, the executive.

Now, as an executive, he has a role to play.

You, as an employee, if you want a raise

you have a role to play, too.

It's all part of the game.

And you think if I just say

"Or else," I'll get it?

Well, you have to be prepared to say it.

You don't have to say it, you just have to be ready.

Okay, I'll ask.

You don't ask, you tell him.

Nicely, but you tell him.

Mr. Corbett, sometimes there comes a point

in a girl's life when she finds herself in financial trouble.

Everything is going up, up, up.

Except one thing. Her income.

In case, you hadn't realized it, Mr. Corbett

the person I'm talking about is me.

In the past year, my typing has improved almost five percent

and I cannot tell you how many pairs of panty-hose

I have stretched out of shape doing your filing for you.

And don't think that I am some

fluffy headed female secretary

that you can fluff off with a few compliments

and sincere gratitude

and maybe a watch when I retire.

No, what I need, Mr. Corbett, is cold, hard cash.

In other words, a raise. What do you say?

Tina, what are you doing?

- I was just practicing. - Ah...

[chuckles] How does this desk look?

Uh, it's terrific. That alone is worth something.

I practiced. I know all my words now.

I just have to hope that he's in a good mood

and feeling bright and cheery and...

- Good morning, Tom. - Oh, is it really?

Mr. Corbett, maybe if you don't feel well or something

you should just go right back home.

[Tom] Maybe I just should've stayed home, Tina.

I got a ticket for jaywalking this morning.

- Oh, that's expensive... - Oh, tell me about it, Norman.

[Norman] Well, no, it's, it's not that expensive.

[Tom] Well, I probably deserved it.

It was really a dumb thing to do.

Hey, Tom, you're not a stupid man.

I didn't say I was a stupid man, Norman.

I said it was a dumb thing to do.

Well, that doesn't mean that you're dumb in everything.

Thank you, Tina.

Uh, why don't you tell us what happened?

Well, I happened to be in a very good mood this morning.

So there I was, just walking along

and I came to this street

just waiting to be crossed.

And here was this policeman

just waiting for someone to cross it.

Well, that can happen to anybody.

Listen, why don't I leave the two of you alone, huh?

♪♪

Oh, Tina, what are you doing out here?

This is no time to be in and asking for a raise, Norman.

He's in a terrible mood.

You're just making excuses.

I know, and I found one.

"He who hesitates is lost."

"Look before you leap."

"Never put off to tomorrow what you can do today."

"Make haste slowly."

"There's no time like the present".

I can't think of another one.

Are you sure this is the right time?

I'm absolutely positive.

Now, go on back in there and don't take any promises.

Where will you be?

Hiding in the dark room.

Oh, Tina.

What happened to my desk?

It's so neat, I can't find anything.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Corbett.

That's alright.

- Eh, can I... - Uh, no, no, no, no.

I'll, I'll mess it up myself. Thank you.

I guess you brought me something. Thank you.

Tina, you're still here?

I know.

You must want to talk about something?

Yes.

What?

Mr. Corbett...

...sometimes a girl gets into terrible trouble.

- Trouble? - Financial trouble.

Oh, financial trouble. Yes.

Yes, you mean making ends meet.

- That sort of thing. - Yes.

Ah, yes! Would you like to sit down?

- No. - Ah!

Well, in that case

I think you and I should discuss

just how this girl got into trouble.

By having too small a salary.

How about too many expenses?

Well, an-an expense is something that you have to have

if, if you want what it is that's expensive.

Or even not so expensive.

What you're saying is, in part

it depends upon what you have to have?

Mr. Corbett, what you're suggesting is that

I should standard my lower of living?

That is entirely up to you.

What I am suggesting is

I can't give you a raise at this time.

But, Mr. Corbett, I have to have a raise.

The cost of living and I are-are going in opposite directions.

Well, don't you think I don't appreciate that, Tina.

But I gave you a raise recently.

But that was last year, Mr. Corbett.

And since then my filing has improved five percent.

Five percent? Well, that's marvelous, Tina.

Except business hasn't.

As a matter of fact, advertising and circulation

are both down more than five percent.

Mr. Corbett...

Tina, look, look.

I can't tell you how much

I appreciate what you do around here.

I don't even know how I'd get along without you.

But, right now, I just can't do it.

You're trying to say no in a nice way.

If that's the way you understand it

then I have succeeded.

Well, I don't think it is very nice

and what I really need is hold, card hash.

- Hold, card hash? - You know what I mean.

- Cold hard cash? - I knew you knew.

Tina, I cannot give you a raise now.

Mr. Corbett, I can't live on promises.

I haven't promised anything.

You won't even make a promise?

Well, not one that I can't keep, no!

Well, then, I'll just have to my ultimate weapon.

Alright, Tina, would you use it right now, please

so that we might get back to work?

- Mr. Corbett. - Yes.

If I don't get a raise...

...I'll just have to quit.

♪♪

[tongue clicking]

- No. - What do you mean, no?

I didn't know that word had two meanings.

Look, you gotta admit Tina

works hard and does a good job.

Yes, and her filings are up five percent.

- Typing. - That, too.

Look, would it break this company if you gave

the poor kid a raise?

No, but it happens to be

company policy at this time, Norman

to keep expenses to a minimum.

In her case, why don't you make an exception?

No, Noman.

Anyway, I'm not so convinced

that Tina is underpaid.

Hey, you wanna know something?

You're beginning to sound like an executive.

I am an executive, Norman.

What I don't understand is why I am discussing this with you.

'Cause it's my fault. I'm the one who instigated all this.

Oh, I should have known

there was some kind of a conspiracy going on.

It's not a conspiracy.

It's just us little people banding together for protection.

I see. Well, this is one time I think that

you little people are making a big mistake.

Now, look, if Tina wants to come back to the job

the way things are right now

that's marvelous. Otherwise--

Look, I can't walk out of here

and let that poor kid down.

Norman, I am not going to change my mind.

Well, what if I told you if you don't change your mind

and give her a raise, I am gonna have to quit?

♪♪

Hey, that's terrific.

Well, it's terrific with a little assist.

How is your day today, hmm?

- Super. - Good. I'm glad to hear that.

As a matter of fact

since the moment I woke up

this whole day has been super.

No kidding.

Well, that's very, very good news.

How was your day?

Oh, it was okay.

Okay, or okay?

Okay.

What happened?

Well, I, uh, had a little misunderstanding

with Tina today.

Did you have a fight?

No, no, it's just that

she wants a raise and I couldn't give it to her

and she didn't understand.

So, she may quit her job.

[sighs] Oh, God, that's awful.

Can't Uncle Norman help?

Well, Uncle Norman doesn't understand either

and he may quit his job.

God, that's really awful. And they are our friends.

Well, Eddie, there is difference between friendship and business.

And this is business.

Friends should always be friends.

Eddie, we're still friends.

It's just that we're having

a difference of opinion at work, that's all.

- God! - Hey.

It's gonna be okay. It'll work out.

- Promise? - Now, come on.

You are old enough not to keep asking me to promise things.

Okay?

But you can fix it, huh, dad? 'Cause you want to?

Yes, I do, I do want to.

Then why don't you go ahead and do it?

You're the boss.

Eddie, being the boss

doesn't mean you can always do what you wanna do.

It means that I do what I have to do.

Oh...

Hey...

♪♪

Well, good morning, Tina.

Good morning, Mr. Corbett.

Well...

I see. I take it you've not reconsidered your decision.

I have not reconsidered the only thing a girl

in my circumstances could do

and save her self-respect.

Tina, you know I admire Norman in many ways.

But this is one time I think he's over dramatized.

Norman is a wonderful friend

a fine human being

and my most trusted advisor.

♪♪

I cleaned up my stuff from your darkroom.

I see. I take it your intention is never

to darken my darkroom door again.

Mr. Corbett, do you mind if I take this plant?

Why should I mind if you take the plant?

Because I bought it out of petty cash.

- You said I could. - Take the plant, Tina.

I'd leave it, except I'm afraid you'd never water it.

[sighing] You're right, I probably wouldn't.

[Tina] Well, you sure have lost a lot of your humanity.

Well, I think under the circumstances

Albert Schweitzer would lose a lot of his humanity.

[Norman] Oh, yeah?

Well, at least he'd admit he's wrong.

♪♪

I would hope that I would admit that, too, Norman

but in this particular case, I happen

to feel that I am right.

Hey, you're absolutely right.

He's losing his humanity.

Let's get out.

♪♪

[Tom] Boo, bad move.

Look at that chip.

I know. I just wasn't thinking about the game.

Well, what are you thinking of?

Uncle Norman and Tina.

What about them?

Don't you like them anymore?

Oh, come on, Eddie.

I think they're two of the nicest people

I've ever known.

Are we ever gonna see 'em again?

Yes, I expect to see them, once they...

...sit down and think it all out

I just feel that they'll reconsider.

Are you reconsidering?

- No. - How come?

Because I... feel that I'm right.

And they're wrong.

In this case, I feel they are.

What happens if they think that

you're wrong and they're right?

I think when they think it over

they'll reconsider.

Eddie, it's time for you to get ready for bed.

Mrs. Livingston...

...would you like to reconsider on that?

You mean think it over?

Yeah, take about 15 or 20 minutes to really think it over.

It would not take me that long.

About 10 minutes?

I have already reconsidered.

- And it's now. - Yes.

Ah, see, dad?

What happens if Uncle Norman

and Tine reconsider like that?

It does seem sort of silly, doesn't it?

Yeah.

[sighing]

What's the matter?

I'm not used to all this freedom.

It's Saturday. You didn't work on Saturdays.

I know, but now that I don't any day

I don't enjoy not working on Saturday.

What're you complaining about? Think of me with this car.

It cost a lot of money to put gas in this car.

Well, why don't you buy a cheaper one?

I can't afford it. I'm out of a job.

[engine revving]

You know, dad...

...I'm beginning to think that we're never gonna see

Uncle Norman and Tina again.

Well, I don't think it's gonna go that far, Eddie.

But there is a good chance they may not come back to work.

For you and Uncle Norman and Tina to be mad

at each other just seems wrong.

Well, we're not really mad, Eddie.

You might as well be.

♪♪

[engine revving]

Hi, Uncle Norman. Hi, Tina.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

How is it going?

Fine, fine. How's it going with you?

All fine, fine.

Good, good. What else is new?

Nothing, nothing much. What's-what's new with you?

Oh, nothing much.

Gotta be going.

You're right.

- See ya. - See ya.

[Eddie] See ya.

[engine revving]

♪♪

You have not said, Eddie.

Did you have a nice time this afternoon?

- No. - Oh?

We saw Uncle Norman and Tina.

- And that was not good? - Nothing happened.

[Tom] What he means, Mrs. Livingston is

that while they did not ask for their jobs back...

...I didn't invite them back either.

Oh, I see.

Couldn't you have said something, dad?

Eddie, look.

Sometimes, people say things that they really don't mean

but they, they don't know how to get out it.

Well, couldn't you ever said that you wanted

to change your mind or that you made a mistake?

Eddie, when I said what I just had

I wasn't thinking of me.

You were thinking about Uncle Norman and Tina.

Yeah, yeah.

I guess they're thinking the same thing

about you, too, huh?

Yeah.

But if you're right, how come they can't see it?

It's just that they're so caught up in their own

point of view, sport, that's all.

I'm sure to them, it looks like they're right.

Gee. If they just put themselves in your place...

Yes, I wish they would.

- Shoe on the other foot. - Hmm?

That's what we do in school to settle fights or arguments.

Settle fights? What do you do?

Well, suppose there is a fight or an argument

the teacher comes in and says, "Shoe on the other foot"

and the two kids have to exchange places

to the other side of the argument.

- You learned that in school? - Oh, yeah.

Eddie, your teacher ought to be with the UN.

♪♪

- Tina. - Thank you.

- And Norman? - Thank you, Tom.

Well, I guess you're both wondering why I asked you here.

Oh, well, when Tom Corbett, friend

calls us over for a drink, we come.

- Ah. - Yeah.

We weren't doing anything anyway.

Norman was over and we were just

looking through the "Want" ads.

Oh.

Why did you invite us over?

Well, it occurred to me

that if I could get you to understand

the point of view of Tom Corbett, Executive

we might be able to solve this problem.

You'd have to understand our point of view.

Of course. Please?

Now what I have in mind is

we shall have a dialogue.

Please, sit down.

Now, I suggest we reverse roles

so we get a better understanding of what the other person's

situation actually is.

You mean I'm gonna be Tom Corbett?

Right, and I will be Tina Rickles.

And I am gonna be Norman Tinker.

Right, enjoy it.

It may be your only opportunity.

I always wanted to run a magazine.

Yeah, I always wanted to run a darkroom.

[Tom] Hey, now wait a minute, you two.

We've gotta take this seriously.

We've got to be each other or this thing

is just not gonna work.

- Oh, absolutely. - Alright, Tom Corbett.

Would you care to step in your office, please?

Norman Tinker, I am Norman Tinker.

Ah, Norman Tinker, would you care

to step in the office, too, please?

- Right, Tom. - Hey, now, wait a minute.

Now, Norman, I don't put my feet up on the desk.

Maybe, when you're Tom Corbett, you don't.

But when I'm Tom Corbett--

- Oh, okay. - Mm-hmm! Da, da...

Good morning, I feel awful.

I just got a ticket for jaywalking.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Norman.

I don't think that affected my decision.

I really don't.

Do you mind staying in character?

- You're Tina, I am Tom. - Oh, yeah, alright.

- Mr. Corbett, I want a raise. - I want a raise, too, Tina.

But you make more money than I do, Mr. Corbett.

Umm, but you're prettier.

Just because I'm another pretty face, Mr. Corbett

doesn't mean it's gonna pay the rent or pay my grocery bill.

Next thing you know, you're gonna tell me

your panty-hose are stretching.

- Panty-hose? - It happens when you filing.

All the bending up and down.

- Does that happen? - Ahem!

That's what all the girls in the darkroom tell me.

Do I stand like that?

Now I know why I don't get any pictures out of that darkroom.

Tina, next thing you know, you're gonna tell me

that the cost of living is going up.

The cost living is going up

and my standard of living is going down.

And she can't buy her false eyelashes any cheaper, you know.

[Norman] Her eyes are her problem, running the magazine is mine.

Business is very bad. No raise!

Mr. Corbett... I have worked for you now for three years.

I have been a very faithful and a very loyal secretary.

Now, I feel that I-I need this raise and I have earned

this raise and you have got to give it to me!

In hold, card hash.

"Hold, card hash?"

Well, you-you know wha-what she...

No chance.

Come on, give the kid a raise, Norman, Tom.

No raise.

Um...

I-I-I can't help but get the feeling

that-that you were taking the role

of executive so seriously

all you can see is the power.

Tina, I get the feeling that you don't see

the problems of me being an executive.

No raise!

♪♪

Good morning.

Hello, Tina.

Hi, Mr. Corbett.

I'm very glad you decided to come back.

Well, I'm glad to be back, even though I didn't win anything.

- But you didn't lose anything. - That's true.

Do you have any letters you'd like to get out?

Yes, I do. A whole lot of them.

Just as soon as I water my plant.

Oh, by the way, uh...

...I went by Norman's office.

He's not there yet.

Ah, well, he got

a little bit carried away last night.

Yeah. Tsk, well...

You wanted to see me?

♪♪

♪♪

[door opening]

- Hey, dad. - Hey, Eddie.

Good evening, Mr. Eddie's Father.

It certainly is, Mrs. Livingston.

How'd everything go today, dad?

It went beautifully.

Tina and Norman are both back at work.

As a matter of fact, within one hour

Tina was complaining about the mimeograph machine

and Norman was complaining about a layout.

- Wow. - No, no, no, no.

It was beautiful because everything was back to normal.

Dinner will be very soon, Mr. Eddie's Father.

I shall then prepare myself.

Mrs. Livingston.

Isn't that great about Uncle Norman and Tina?

Yes, Eddie, it is.

You know, I thought then, everything wouldn't be normal.

They are very special people for you.

So are you.

Thank you.

[Eddie] Do we come back, dad?

[Tom] Co-come back? What do you mean, Eddie?

[Eddie] When we go away, like up in heaven.

[Tom] Oh, well, that-that's a tough one, sport.

[Eddie] In the book I'm reading at school

a handsome prince went away and come back as a frog.

[Tom] Ah, yes, well, that's in the book, Eddie.

[Eddie] But is it possible?

[Tom] We-well, uh, the answer

is... ah...

It depends on how you think.

[Eddie] Could you ever think of me as a frog?

Tom Grape Ape. Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit.

[Eddie laughing]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you ♪

♪ About my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person ♪

♪ Who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪