Original subtitles

[Eddie] Why do I have to go to bed so early?

[Tom] Well, because children need more sleep than adults.

[Eddie] Well, that doesn't seem fair.

A big person should have a lot of sleep

and a little person should need a little sleep.

[Tom] Good point.

[Eddie] When it's night here, what time is it Japan?

[Tom] Early in the day.

[Eddie] I wish we live there so I can stay up later.

Dad, what's a communication gap?

[Tom] Well, that's when two people

have difficulty understanding each other.

[Eddie] You mean like when I explain why I want something

and you say no?

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

[sighing]

Well, Norman, I have come to see

how our Faces in America article is doing.

Tom, are you my friend?

I don't think I'm getting a direct answer.

Okay, what was the question?

How are the Faces of America doing?

The Faces of America are doing terrific.

Ah-ha, well, then in that case, yes, I'm your friend.

Okay, if your my friend,

it's your obligation to tell me the truth.

No matter how painful it is

you gotta tell me the truth.

- Right? - Yes, of course, I do.

Of course, I have to also ask what's troubling you.

The Faces of America.

I shot that layout.

Those are the faces of all the people

across the great length and breadth of our country.

And in all those faces, none of them look like me.

I always said you were a one in a million.

So is "The Hunchback of Notre-Dame."

Listen, I looked in the mirror this morning.

Have you ever looked in the mirror? Sure.

You'll look in the mirror. When you look, it's terrific.

Oh, will you stop it? Do you mind if I sit down?

I looked in there this morning when I was shaving.

Every morning when I shave, for years I've been

looking in the mirror. And what do I see?

My old friend, dear

sweet, kindly uncle Norman.

And it makes me feel good, except this morning.

When I looked in the mirror, you know what I saw?

I saw weird.

You don't look weird, Norman. You look the same.

Yeah, the same. The same what?

The same old ding-a-ling

what's-his-story Norman.

No, the same old, sweet, lovable, there he is, Norman.

That 'cause you're my friend.

When you look at me, all you see is a friend.

You see my soul, but you don't see the exterior.

Neither did Mrs. Hunchback of Notre-Dame.

I didn't know he was married.

Look at my hair, look at my beads, look at my clothes.

- Why do I look like this? - Well, uh...

One of the answers might be why not?

Because it's not normal. It's just not normal.

Nothing about me is normal.

My life isn't normal, the way I dress isn't normal.

It's just not normal.

Hey, Norman, look.

Some mornings you're gonna get up and you're gonna shave.

But you should never look in the mirror.

You just got out of the wrong side of the bed today.

- Nah, I don't have a bed. - What?

Yeah, I got it all packed up. It's crated.

I never got to unpack it.

- What? - You wanna know something?

You don't even know what I'm talking about.

No, I don't. No, no.

But I can see that you're really serious

and I-I didn't mean to be facetious about it.

Now, come on. What's really bothering you?

I'm gonna change my image.

I'm cutting off my hair

and I'm gonna start to wear funny suits.

Funny?

What's so funny about my suit?

Oh, on you, it looks terrific.

On me, it's gonna look very funny.

Oh, Norman, wear what you wear.

And look like I look.

I wanna help you, Norman, but you have to let me.

Okay, I'll let you.

If deep down inside where it really counts

if you really don't think that I'm strange and weird

how come I moved into a new apartment

last week and you and Eddie have never

come over to see it?

Because you never invited us.

- Okay, come tomorrow. - Okay, tomorrow.

- Spend the weekend. - Alright, the week...

- The weekend? - See? You're backin' out.

No, I'm no-not backing out. It's, uh, we...

As a matter of fact, we have no plans this weekend, Eddie and I.

Uh-uh, how come you never make plans to come see

your uncle Norman and his unnatural natural habitat?

Norman, I think you're making a problem where none exists.

Now, if coming over to your new apartment

and seeing it and spending the weekend there

is gonna help you, Eddie and I'd be glad to do it.

- You'd be glad to? - Yeah.

You gotta work on the Faces of America layout.

Why do I have to do that?

Because your weird, dependable photographer

uncle Norman goofed again.

I'm late. It didn't make it.

You're kidding.

Oh, hey, well, its not

that big a deal, Norman. Look.

We will come over to your place

and we'll get the work done on the weekend.

- We will. - I don't think so.

Oh, come on, Norman, it's not as bad as you think it is.

We'll see your new apartment, we'll have a marvelous weekend

we're gonna get the work done and you're gonna come in here

on Monday and you're gonna say

"Why was I bugged?"

If that's really true

don't you think that's weird?

♪♪

Boy, I can hardly wait.

Yeah, me too.

How come you never visited Uncle Norman's place before?

Well, first, he just got the apartment

and he wanted to fix it up first.

And two, he never invited us before.

I'll bet you that's because he wanted to get it

really super terrific.

Yeah, well, you know, uncle Norman is different.

- He is? - Yeah, well.

He hears a different drummer.

What do you mean?

Well, uh, in his head, he hears different music.

You mean he has a band in his head?

[chuckles] Well, I wouldn't be surprised.

But, no. What I'm trying to say, Eddie, is that, um...

He does things right...

...but he does them differently.

- Oh. - Come on, now.

He dresses differently than other people.

- Right? - Right.

He looks different than other people

and he acts different than other people.

However, he is still okay.

No, he is great okay.

Ah.

Well, I'm very glad to hear you say that.

'Cause right now, uncle Norman has his troubles.

What troubles?

He told me

that he was thinking of cutting his hair

and may be not wearing his beads anymore

and changing his style of clothing.

Why would he want to do that?

I don't know and that's what you and I have to find out.

But I thought we were going over there to have a good time.

Well, yeah, we'll, we'll have a good time

but we're gonna help uncle Norman, too.

- How? - Well, that I don't know.

But he also said he woke up in the morning

he took a look in the mirror

and he didn't like the person he saw.

But he always looks in the mirror.

I know that.

That means that the problem

must be something else.

- Right? - What?

I don't know, but I know what we have to do.

We have to let him know that he is loved by us

just the way he is.

- And that'll be easy. - I agree with you.

- Wow. - Yeah.

Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah!

- Yeah? - Oh, Norman.

- Yeah, you like it, huh? - I do, yes.

- Let me ask you a question. - What?

Is this any way for a grown man to live?

Are you kidding? This is marvelous.

It'll really be beautiful as soon as

you get it all furnished.

It is all furnished.

Well, these new modern apartments, it's marvelous--

Hold it, hold it, hold it, I know what you're gonna say.

You're gonna say, "Very interesting."

- No, I wasn't gonna say that. - You weren't?

No. Even if I did say that, what would that mean?

It would mean you're being polite.

That's what people do when they want to be polite.

When something's terrible

they say, "Very interesting."

Oh, suppose they said it was terrible

would you think it's very interesting?

Hey, uncle Norman.

What's in this big box?

- What big box? - This big box.

- Oh, this big box? - Yeah.

Yeah well, it's a big box

and in it is, uh, a bed.

A bed? Doesn't look like a bed to me.

It's all in pieces. It's a water bed.

What's a water bed?

Well, it's like a bed with the mattress filled with water.

Hey, neat.

I haven't put it together yet.

I've been sleeping in a hammock.

Not very many people sleep on hammocks.

Sailors sleep on hammocks all the time.

I mean on land.

Hey, Norman, come on. Right?

We want you to do what you do do.

And we want to sleep on the water bed.

Yeah, the water bed will be just great.

Even if you have to help me put it together?

What are guests for?

Great!

Hey, Tom, I-I got to admit it.

You're being very gracious.

Norman, I'm being

no more gracious than you are.

Oh, yes, you are. You're-you're being super gracious.

I'm being normal.

I envy you.

Norman, you are just as...

You're more normal than you think you are.

Hmm. I sleep in a water bed.

Lots of people sleep in water beds.

Name one.

Hey, dad, uncle Norman, look at me.

[gasps] Yeah.

Hey, do you mind if my son

climbs on your rock?

No, I'd mind if he didn't.

Isn't this a swell rock?

It's the swellest rock.

Could we please get one for our front room?

For our living room?

But, sport, I'm not really sure

it would fit in with the decor.

Anyway

I am sure there is a clause

in our lease which states we are not allowed to have

large rocks in the living room.

- Sure, there is. - Oh, Norman, come on.

- I love your rock. - Thank you.

I mean it, it's a very unique

and original accessory.

Well, it is a peaceful rock.

A lot of rocks have a lot of violence in them.

But this one is especially quiet.

Oh, yes, I feel it, I feel it, I feel it.

And for a rock its size, it has absolutely no hostility.

I feel that, I feel that, too.

And it's sweet and sincere and steady.

Like a good friend.

That's a lot of rock.

You know lot of people don't really care about rocks.

Lot of people don't have a feeling for rocks.

And a lot of people don't keep rocks in their living room.

No, they keep them in their head.

Ah-ha! See what I mean?

[Tom] Okay, sport, turn it on.

Okay, it's on.

Atta boy.

- God, that's great. - Yeah.

Yeah, and if the water pressure holds up

we are gonna have a place to sleep tonight.

- Makes me thirsty. - Yes, me, too.

Norman, you got anything cold to drink?

Yeah, the house drink.

Well, whatever it is, fine.

Uncle Norman, could I have a glass of milk please?

That's the house drink.

Hmm.

Boy, I can hardly wait to sleep on water. How about you, dad?

Well, I've postponed it this long

but, I think the time has come. Yes.

Here you are, gang. House drinks comin' up.

- Oh, thank you. - One for you, sir.

One for you, sir. One for me.

Listen, before we all indulge, I better warn you.

This is goat's milk.

I have it delivered fresh, every morning.

You've found someone to deliver your goat's milk?

Mm-hmm, there's a couple down the road.

Every morning, they come by with their goat.

A real goat?

Real, live goat.

Does it taste good?

Mm, it's delicious. Try some.

I'll try it.

This isn't bad for goat's milk.

You ought to try some, dad.

Yeah, why don't you try it, dad?

How do you like it?

- Hm? - How do you like it?

It's interesting.

Interesting.

Thanks a lot.

Well, Norman, I-I didn't say it was very interesting.

I, look, I have an awful lot of work I have to get done.

Now did you say I can just throw my stuff anywhere?

Anywhere over there.

This is one night I won't mind going to bed early.

Oh, really. Well, you better keep yourself

interested until dinner is ready

because I have to put an eye on top of this layout.

I'm gonna watch the bed.

Okay.

Anything I can do to help you?

No. Uh, no, I'm fine, thank you.

[door bell ringing]

Who is there?

- It's me. - Tina, come on in.

Hi, Norman. Sorry, I'm late.

Late? Huh.

You were supposed to be here last Tuesday.

I said I was late.

Listen, Tom and Eddie are here.

Oh, yeah, hi.

- Hi, Tina. - Hey.

What's that? An indoor pool?

- No, it's a water bed. - Really?

Oh, Norman, you're gonna have to invite me

to spend the night sometime.

When you're not here.

Well, we didn't know you were coming.

Tina's got some work to do.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

Ah, for me, not for you.

Really?

See, she leads a double life.

By day, she plays a modest, demure, young secretary.

Comes night time and zap!

She turns into the world's greatest stereo expert.

Well, there is one guy in Prague who is almost as good.

Okay, the greatest in the Western hemisphere.

Oh, I'm surprised, and I am impressed.

Still water runs deep.

And wet birds never fly at night.

Yes, well, Norman, you'll probably never be able

to prove that theory, so, listen.

Why don't we all just do our own thing?

You're right, my stereo's broken.

[sighs]

Let's see. Excuse me.

[stereo feeding back]

You realize what that is?

What?

That's the story of my life.

- How are you doin', dad? - Well, I think I have got it.

Boy, you must be starving, huh?

- Nope. - Are you kidding?

Look, at it, it's almost nine o'clock.

Well, I got some cheese and crackers from uncle Norman.

- And I've been eating them. - Oh.

I figured if I didn't take any from him

then I'd get hungry.

And then, I might hurt his feelings.

Yeah, that's very, that's good thinking on your part.

Uh, where are the cheese and crackers?

- I ate 'em. - Oh.

I was gonna ask you if you wanted any

but it looked like you were thinking so hard.

- I didn't want to bother you. - It was so loud in here.

That's why I was thinking so hard.

And now it's so quiet, I'm starting

to get very nervous.

[stereo feeding back]

- Far too nervous, now? - Hmm.

Dinner's ready.

Ah. Now I feel not so nervous. Let's go.

- Dinner, Tina? - No, thanks, Norman.

I want to finish this.

Think I've almost got it.

[hooting from stereo]

Well, what are we having, huh?

I love the sound of trains.

Yeah. Yeah, I do, too. What are we having?

It's a Malaysian curry of shrimp and zucchini.

[speaking in foreign language]

Takes a long time to make.

Yes, it takes a long time to say.

Should have made something simpler.

See? Why didn't I think of that before?

It's okay. That's alright, th-that's alright.

- Ju-just keep on moving. - Aboard.

[train horn blaring]

Oh, listen to that train.

Yeah, well, I could listen

a little bit better with some-with some food...

I love the sound of trains.

Norman.

It gives me a feeling of far away places.

Why don't you pretend like you're in the dining car

and serve me some food?

When I hear the sound of trains, it really shakes me up.

[train chugging]

Here it comes again.

[train horn blaring]

Norman, before the next train comes through

why don't you just serve me some food? Please!

You don't think it's weird that a guy gets

hooked on the sound of trains?

Especially when he should be serving dinner to his guests.

Trains are obsolete, people don't even

travel by trains anymore.

I'll take that. Thank you very much.

Here, Eddie.

It's, uh, very highly seasoned.

Too highly seasoned?

You better give him some goat's milk.

[Tom mumbling]

Listen to that train.

[train horn blaring]

- How's your throat? - Well, the ice helped a lot.

You know, I can eat that stuff all night long.

It never bothers me. That's not normal.

Well, you should get heart burn or something, but that's okay.

♪♪

Norman!

You're fighting it, stop fighting it.

I'm not fighting it, I'm flowing with it.

Where's Eddie?

[water trickling]

What's happening?

We're sinking.

Abandon ship.

Hi.

Hi.

- Who are you? - Friend of Norman's.

- Me, too. - Oh, hmm.

- Hi. - Hi.

Who was that? Alex?

I don't know. He didn't, uh...

He didn't say his name.

- Did he go in the bathroom? - Yes.

That was Alex.

He lives down the road. He's got a little small house.

Its got no shower in it, so I let him use mine.

He's a very talented weaver.

There can't be too much of a market

for weavers these days.

He figures about five years, it's coming back.

It's nice of you to let him use your place, uncle Norman.

- You're really terrific. - Thanks, Eddie.

Boy, this is the first night I've ever

slept in two beds in one night.

- Yes, yes, me, too. - Which one did you like best?

I liked the water bed.

Oh, I-I don't know. For my money, it's about even.

- I'm gonna go play on the rock. - Hmm.

Listen, uh, I know what you're thinking.

What am I thinking?

You're thinking that it's pretty weird for me

to leave my front door open all night long

to let some talented weaver come in here and use my shower.

Norman, unfortunately

locks are necessary in this world.

You're also thinking I'm kind of weird

'cause I don't sleep in a regular bed.

Well, water beds or hammocks, they'll all made for somebody.

You happen to be one of those somebody.

You also think I'm weird because

I keep a rock in my living room.

And I like to drink goat's milk.

There is a place in this world for rocks and goats.

And also, I like things like...

[speaking in foreign language]

And the sound of trains.

Well, the sound of trains is very nostalgic for me, too.

But-but, but the goop

th-the other thing, it, uh...

Well, listen. Let's face it, Tom.

You must have come to the same conclusion.

Your best friend uncle Norman is not the right guy

to take care of Eddie in case

something happens to you.

Ah-hah.

So that's what this is all about.

What do you mean?

I mean you're thinking

that you're not the one to take care

of Eddie if anything should happen to me.

Why do you say I'm thinking that?

You said it.

No, no. I said, you thought I thought you thought

that's what I was thinking.

Norman, you're Eddie's legal guardian.

That is a big responsibility.

A responsibility I have every confidence

that you will be able to care of

should anything happen to me.

That's what I thought.

But I really wasn't thinking about it

till after I moved in here and I furnished

this place and I looked at it.

And then I looked in the mirror.

And I said to myself, "Look at yourself.

"Look what you look like. Look at way you live.

"That's not the right image or the right kind

of a guy to take care of Eddie."

Norman, Eddie's having a marvelous time.

May be the best time of his whole life.

Look at him over there, playing on that rock.

♪♪

Yeah, but that's just on a visit. It's not for real.

Alright, if it ever is for real, Norman

and you ever have to accept that responsibility

I know you'll make whatever adjustments are necessary.

Even if it, if it means getting a-a normal bed.

Or, well, whatever it is

you'll do whatever it is you have to do.

- You sure? - I'm positive.

Norman, I really am.

The point is, Norman

whatever it is you have to offer Eddie

or you don't have to offer

you do have the one ingredient

that is necessary for his life.

- What's that? - Love.

Yeah, I got that.

Yeah, and he's got it for you, too.

Yeah. Guess he does.

Now, I don't want to discuss it anymore.

What I do want is breakfast.

But I don't want any of, any

re-fried goo, googlo whatever...

- You didn't like it, did you? - Thanks, Norman.

Oh, yeah, peace.

- Cute kid. - Yeah.

- That's his father. - Uh, we met.

- Peace. - Yeah.

And I'm his guardian.

That's right.

Right.

Listen, Norman, have you, uh, you got that new print

on the middle American farmer? Hmm?

It's drying.

- Oh, no, not again. - Not what again?

- What are you doing? - Lookin' in the mirror.

No-no, no. I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to hear anything about you hair

or your lifestyle, your habits, your clothing...

I don't care what you do, Norman, I'll tell you what.

Grow one long sideburn and one short sideburn

three ties around your neck.

Do whatever you want to do.

You do care. You're criticizing me.

I'm not criticizing you, Norman.

I just want you to concentrate on the middle American farmer.

You can't rush a middle American farmer when he's drying.

No, but you can rush the photographer.

Tom, have you ever thought about your lifestyle?

- What about it? - Too much of a hurry.

You know, it's never too late to change.

This tie is for you.

Oh, hmm. To go with my funny little suit, huh?

- Look in the mirror. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's just terrible.

- Proves my point. - Yes, which is?

- You need a new suit. - No, no.

What I need from you is a little less introspection

little more action.

Ah, is that the middle American farmer?

- Mm-hmm. - May I take him with me? Good.

I'll take the farmer, you take the tie. Okay?

- There's one more thing. - Yes?

If there's one thing I know, there's one thing I know.

I've learnt that people see what you really are.

You cannot judge yourself, you don't have the perspective.

You can't see the forest for the trees.

I used to be like that.

But I've changed, I've stopped inter...

- What's the matter? - Nothing.

I find what you say very interesting. Thank you.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the weirdest one of all?

[Eddie] Is it true that there are more telephones

in this country than bathtubs?

[Tom] Yeah, that's true.

[Eddie] Is that what they mean by people talkin' dirty?

[Tom] Oh.

[Eddie] If I had three wishes, you know what I'd wish for?

[Tom] No, I don't. What would you wish for?

[Eddie] To be healthy, to be wealthy

and have three more wishes.

What happens to flowers in the winter?

[Tom] Well, they die, but then they're reborn

again in the spring.

[Eddie] There's a lot to be said for being a flower.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪