Original subtitles

[birds chirping]

[Eddie] In the summer the sun comes up early in the morning

and sets down later in the evening.

[Tom] That's right.

[Eddie] Looks the sun doesn't get much of a summer vacation.

- Oh, boo. - Yeah, boo.

[Eddie] Dad, what's the ugliest animal?

- Hippopotamus? - Yeah.

[Eddie] I wonder how they manage to get anyone to marry 'em.

[Tom] Yeah.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you about my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you about him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talkin' son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ♪

[scatting]

[scatting]

♪ Oops ♪♪

[door shuts]

Hello, Eddie.

Hi, Mrs. Livingston. Sorry.

- What's for dinner? - Pork and beans.

Oh, boy, my favorite.

[chuckles]

How come you're so good to me, Mrs. Livingston?

Because I love you. Ah.

I was just gonna take a taste because I love you.

- Hello, everyone. - Hi, dad!

Hey! Hi, you, sport.

Hello, Mrs. Livingston.

Oh, uh, listen, didn't I, uh, hm?

- I'm sorry, dad. - Hm, hm. Alright, okay.

Well, what are we having for dinner tonight?

[chuckling]

What? I must be funnier than I thought.

Pork and beans because we love you.

Pork and beans because you love me.

Well, that's very mysterious

but, uh, it's very nice.

Well, tell me, young man

how were things at the office today?

I will get it.

- Cleaners. - Oh, hello.

Ah, ah...

[groaning]

♪♪

Mr. Hausman!

- Hm... - Mr. Hausman, you're okay?

- Yeah. - You're sure?

I am okay.

I just took a flop...

Boy, what a flop!

Yes. Yeah, you scared us.

Yeah, if I scared you, you can imagine what I did to myself.

No, no, no, I'll-I'll-I'll take that.

Now, you're sure that you're alright?

Uh, I'm sure.

I'm not sure

if a symptom shows up later

but at the moment I, uh...

...I think I'm sure.

It's not a good place to leave skates.

Yeah, I know.

But as Andor Samplini once said

"It all comes out in the solution."

Andor Samplini?

The father of dry cleaning.

You got anything for me to take back?

Yes, I have it laid out.

I can, uh, guarantee you that from now on

the skates will be left

where they're supposed to be left. Hm?

Right, dad. I'm sorry, Mr. Hausman.

Now, listen, it could have been worse

but you're all very lucky I know how to skate.

- Mr. Corbett. - Yes.

There's this guy outside who insists on seeing you.

- Well, what does he want? - I don't know.

He just keeps asking all these questions, like

are you a big executive are you a big spender.

You know, things like that.

- Really? - Yeah.

Does he look like he's from

the department of internal revenue?

No. He looks like they might be after him.

Well, alright, I'm getting a little tired here.

It'll be a nice change of pace. Let's find out what he wants.

Okay.

- How do you do? - Mr. Corbett will see you now.

How do you do?

Uh, uh, let me give you my card.

[door shuts]

- Card is... - Would you care to sit down?

And maybe you can remember who you are.

Uh, yeah, of course.

Thank you. Uh, Marvin Flair.

- At-attorney at law. - Yes.

Councilor for the, uh, plaintiff

in the action of Hausman versus Corbett.

- "Hausman versus Corbett?" - Hm.

Oh, uh, Corbett I know

but Hausman I...

Ha... "Frank Hausman."

- The delivery boy? - Uh, ex-delivery boy.

Uh, you can't deliver from a wheelchair.

- A wheelchair? - Uh, well...

That's not necessarily permanent.

Uh, you see, I'm sure, in time, with, uh, intensive therapy

care, patience, uh, and a lot of pain, well, perhaps...

It's that bad?

Well, that's all they've discovered thus far

uh, resulting, of course, from malicious negligence.

Malicious negligence? I don't recall a malicious negligence.

Uh, well, you see, Mr. Corbett, we're forging new trails

every day in liability law.

But he wasn't hurt, he walked out

under his own power without a complaint.

Y-y-you see, that's the unfortunate thing

uh, walking off like that, aggravating his injuries.

Of course, when a man is in shock, well, who--

Shock? He wasn't in shock. I'm in shock.

Well, I-I don't want to, uh, add to your trauma, Mr. Corbett.

Uh, but we are suing you for a $150,000.

- Good day, Mr. Flair. - G-good day.

See you in court.

Bad news?

What makes you say bad news, hm?

Probably that suicidal depression

that seems to surround you.

[exhales sharply]

You want to get me Sy Freeman on the phone, please?

Yes, Mr. Corbett.

Uh, Mr.-Mr. Corbett calling Mr. Freeman.

Well, put Mr. Freeman on and then I'll put Mr. Corbett on

once Mr. Freeman is on.

Uh, look at it this way.

Mr. Freeman is the lawyer, Mr. Corbett is the client.

The client pays the lawyer

therefore, the lawyer should get on the phone before the--

I'll take it, Tina. Tina, just let me, let me take it.

Hello, this is Mr. Client speaking.

Yes.

[sighs] Hi, Sy. Hi, this is Tom.

Fine. Well, not really so fine.

Listen, uh, uh, Sy-- Huh?

I didn't even know you had them.

Now, Sy, now listen to me.

You should see a doctor

about those kind of things. They're serious.

Yeah. Yeah, now listen.

Listen, Sy, I got-- Huh? She did.

Well, maybe you can get her into some remedial reading cla...

Or how about summer school, huh?

Good, Sy, yeah, Sy.

Sy, I have a problem!

I have! Yes!

Sy, I'd like to talk to you about it.

Now, could you meet me over at my place tonight

because it involves the apartment?

Just to be sure

the doorbell rang and who answered?

- I answered. - And the alleged delivery boy--

"Alleged delivery boy?"

Obliviously overburdened

carrying more parcels then was prudent

struggling under the load

his vision obscured by his own folly--

Objection.

His vision was not obscured.

Tom, we are trying to establish the fact

that a prudent person, under normal circumstances

aware that a child is in residence

might reasonably expect to encounter roller skates.

- Oh. - Overruled.

Now then, what did he do?

- He said, "Cleaners." - He went bang.

And then he entered straight and stepped right on the skate.

Not exactly.

Well, what did he do?

I would rather not say.

Lady, have you ever seen a man develop an ulcer

before your very eyes?

No.

Do you know what it is for a man

to travel through the rush hour

after a full day's work?

No.

Mrs. Livingston, I think what Mr. Freeman means

is to tell what happened.

Tell it like it is.

Yes, tell it like it is.

Well, Mr. Hausman entered.

He said, "Cleaners," and then he stepped out of the way

so I could close the door--

Ah, because he couldn't see what he was doing

and he was too tired to conceive

that a child might have left a roller skate.

No, because he had no reason to think

that the child's father would have taken the skates

from where you might have expected

and put them where you wouldn't.

Well, he stepped on one and fell down.

Mrs. Livingston, do you normally wear glasses?

No, she doesn't, and she does not normally make mistakes.

But, ahem, I think it's a little strange the way you

uh, the way you interpret what-what happened.

I told it like it is.

I think we can dispense with that expression very nicely.

You know, the way it all sort of works out, Tom

is that your housekeeper is like a witness for the plaintiff.

And we're not the plaintiff, are we, dad?

No. We're the defense.

Oh, I am sorry.

Well, I do not think you should have left the skates

where you did, Mr. Eddie's father.

[sighs]

Have you considered giving her a really substantial raise?

Have you considered a long, leisurely return

to the land of your birth?

[sighs]

Have you considered bankruptcy?

Sy, it's not that serious.

Tom, listen, one thing I know

is about serious.

And it's serious.

♪♪

By the way Mr. Freeman talks, dad

they're gonna take away all of our money.

[Tom] No, I don't think so, sport.

Well, you said yourself

we don't have a $150,000.

And that's what we have to give him.

Well, no, no, no, that's, that's what they're asking for

but, uh, not necessarily what we have to give him.

Then what do we have to give him?

I don't know.

Probably $50,000.

Do we have $50,000?

No, no, we don't, but we're a lot closer to not having that

than we were the first price.

- Dad. - Yeah?

If you wanted to cut down on my allowance...

Well, thank you very much, Eddie

but I don't think that's necessary.

I don't understand why Mrs. Livingston

doesn't seem to be helpin' us.

Well, Eddie, she is doing what she feels she has to do, hm?

Well, isn't she on our side?

Yes, generally speaking, she's on our side.

But, look, Eddie, this time

she just does not see things the way we do.

Couldn't she see things our way?

Eddie, look.

She's got to be honest, right?

Well, dad, I'm really sorry about those skates.

Yes, I know you are, but lookit, if Mrs. Livingston is right

it's really my fault for picking 'em up and putting 'em

in a worst position that they were in the first place.

No, dad, it's still my fault.

If I hadn't have put those skates

in the place that I shouldn't have

then you wouldn't have putten the skates

in the place that you did have.

- Did have? - I guess I'm gettin' tired.

I think you are. Okay. Whoo...

Hey, uh, hey, listen, really

everything is gonna be alright.

- Really? - Yes, really. Okay?

- Give us a kiss. - Okay.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

And don't worry.

Okay, I won't.

Hm. Okay.

[Flair] Marvin Flair, a-attorney at law

counsellor for the plaintiff in the action of, uh

Hausman versus Corbett.

We are suing you for a $150,000.

See you in court.

[birds chirping]

[Hausman] I just took a flop.

Boy, what a flop.

[Eddie] Dad, I'd be willing to give up

a little bit of my allowance every week.

♪♪

I don't understand why Mrs. Livingston

doesn't seem to be helping us.

Well, I really am sorry about the skates.

[Tom] I've never been sued for a $150,000 before.

But he is our lawyer

and we have to give him all of the facts.

[Sy] One thing I know about is serious.

And it's serious.

[Livingston] I do not think you should have left the skates

where you did, Mr. Eddie's father.

I told it like it is.

[Sy] Have you considered bankruptcy?

Well, how does it look?

Said the first mate to the captain of the Titanic.

- What's the Titanic? - Tina, nobody is that young.

Oh, yeah, the boat. They made a movie about it.

[chuckles]

That's right, now in answer to your question

it looks terrible.

What looks terrible?

What was the question?

Oh, yeah. Really?

Do you know that in liable law

a jury can award almost anything? Anything!

Well, it'll work out.

Huh? What makes you say so?

The fact that I don't wanna say what's really on my mind.

You are a great comfort to me, Tina.

No, but really, Mr. Corbett, just think.

Suppose you really were to lose all of your money...

Yes?

Still, money isn't everything.

It can't buy happiness.

Oh, that's right.

Neither can poverty.

♪♪

- Mrs. Livingston. - Yes?

Do you think if you made dad lose a $150,000

that he'd be mad at you?

It is entirely possible, Eddie.

That is a lot of money.

Well, yeah, but he said it may only be $50,000.

But it is still a lot of money.

Well, maybe he'd be mad at you for a little while

and then everything will be okay.

Perhaps.

[doorbell ringing] I'll get it.

Thank you.

Hi.

- Hi, sonny. - Yeah.

- Yeah, the gas man. - No, thanks.

- Uh, no, read the meter. - We don't use gas.

How about water, you use water?

- Yeah, we use that. - I'll read that.

- Oh, yes. - May I help you?

He said he was gonna read the water.

I know. Well, I'll tell you the truth.

I wasn't a 100 percent honest with you about that.

- Young man. - Well, what is it you wish?

Uh, well, I, uh, just wanted to look around.

Well, you better come back when Mr. Corbett is at home.

Uh, perhaps I better introduce myself. Uh...

Uh...

- Uh... - Yes?

I'm, uh, Marvin Flair.

- Frank Hausman's attorney. - Oh.

You see, I, uh, want to look around

at the scene of the crime, you might say.

- Nothing personal. - Please come back--

Uh, uh, you don't have a thing to worry about with me.

Uh, I'm trying very hard to work this thing out.

I don't want you to think of me as the enemy. Yeah?

Uh, there's nothing I would like better

than to solve this whole situation peacefully.

Please, it is not up to me.

Oh, now, you don't have to be afraid.

We're both on the same side.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that, Mr. Flair

because for a while there

I thought that you were suing me and I was defending myself.

You know what, dad, we didn't know what to do.

That's okay, sport. Mr., uh...

Mr. Flair can be very persuasive

and it's-it's okay. I can handle him.

Mrs. Livingston, would you excuse us?

You understand, don't you, sport?

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

- Ahem. - What do you want?

Uh, uh, just a little chat. I-I mean, what the heck.

There's no reason why adversaries can't be friends.

Mr. Flair, if Mr. Hausman is really hurt and if I'm guilty

naturally, I would like to assume the responsibility

for his expenses.

Yeah, you see, now

I knew you were the kind of the man

th-th-that would listen to reason.

Then maybe we ought to think

about a more reasonable settlement.

- Right! - Right.

Now, I think that two reasonable men

can reach a conclusion reasonably.

Uh, right, a-and just because my client

never enjoyed the luxuries of life

before his, his working career

was so tragically ended.

Working career ended?

Yeah, we-well, I mean, the mental anguish alone.

Uh, uh, I needn't tell you, Mr. Corbett

because I can see that you're a man of sensitivity.

That's why I'm sure you'll understand

why I've decided to amend our original complaint.

Hm. You're not gonna sue me for a $150,000.

Right.

We're suing for 300,000.

[chuckles] Why not?

[laughs]

Thank you, Eddie.

[sighs]

Well, how is dinner coming?

- Alright. - Good.

I am so sorry to cause you all this trouble

Mr. Eddie's father.

Well, you didn't cause it, Mrs. Livingston

you're doing what you believe to be right.

But then I worry what if I am wrong.

[sighs] Mrs. Livingston, if Mr. Hausman is really hurt

and I was to blame for it

I would want to accept the responsibility.

- Well, you know, dad... - Hm?

You have a fight with Mr. Hausman

but all the talk is being done

with Mr. Freeman and Mr. Flair.

Yes, well, that's the way these things are done, sport.

Oh, 'cause when I have a fight with Billy Gerber

I fight with him only, nobody else

like, his friends or somethin'.

You mean, you do it yourself, huh? Yeah.

I mean, if you have a problem with Mr. Hausman

why don't you settle it with him?

You may be the world's smartest nine-year-old.

♪♪

Mr. Frank Hausman.

Well, Mr. Hausman. Ah. Won't you come in?

Uh, please, won't-won't you sit down?

- Thank you. - Yes.

Uh, well, tell me, Mr. Hausman

uh, how do you feel?

You mean, in general or considering?

Considering.

Considering my injuries, as well as can be expected.

Huh. Well, actually, I am glad to see you on your feet.

Foot. I'm only on one foot.

I carry the other one around.

Yes. I'm terribly sorry about what happened.

Of course.

Especially if it's affected your ability

to make a living.

Well, I wouldn't say that exactly.

Well, I imagine a delivery boy needs both feet.

Yes, a twisted ankle is a pain in the ankle

but I still run the plant.

The plant.

- The cleaning plant? - Yes, of course.

- I own it, you know? - No.

- I didn't, I didn't know that. - Ah...

Well, now, you know, of course, that I wanna do the right thing.

Thank you.

But if you don't mind my saying so

I mean, considering your

your-your physical appearance

I mean, your-your state of health

you attorney is suing me for $300,000.

- I didn't know that. - Yes.

- It's ridiculous. - Yes.

It's a markup from a hundred and fifty thousand.

Also ridiculous.

Of course, you realize we don't have to pay attention

to my lawyer.

We don't?

It's enough I put the bum through college.

- I beg your pardon? - It's my brother-in-law.

And when you got a lawyer in the family

you just naturally wind up with a lotta lawsuits.

A lot of lawsuits. Do you collect?

No, we settle.

Then you've been through this before.

Well, once or twice.

You know, when you deliver, a lot of things happen.

A, a-a dog bites, a door slams on a finger

a plant falls out of the window.

So, you have a lot of lawsuits.

No, my brother-in-law has a lot of lawsuits

but they're still pending. Gives him experience.

Tell me, but how do you feel?

'Cause your attorney keeps talking about wheelchairs

medical expenses, mental anguish.

Oh, I figure, about, uh

thirty-seven dollars and 50 cents worth of mental anguish

and, uh, three dollars and 75 cents

for an ACE bandage.

Yes, that, that, that is different

because my mental anguish was a little more than that.

Alright. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

Our mental anguish, we'll call it even

and you can buy me a bandage.

Uh, with one small change

if we are gonna make a deal.

- What's that? - You'll let me buy you a drink.

- Sold. - Let's go.

♪♪

Tina, if anybody calls for Mr. Hausman or for myself

we will be at Herring's.

- The bar? - The bar. Yes.

Oh, Mr. Hausman, just one more thing, if you don't mind.

Next time I send out my suits, any of my suits

could you get the creases to be up a little higher...

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, you're very wet.

It's not my fault, it's the rain.

- Hi, sport. - Hey. Hi, dad.

- How 'bout a one-er? - Oh, one-er. Surely. Yeah!

Oh, you're getting heavier. Look, look how wet you are.

Oh, let me finish.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Livingston.

Hey, hey, hey, what are those things

over there on the floor?

[Livingston] I'll put his wet things away.

Thank you, Mrs. Livingston.

As well as your umbrella.

[clears throat]

[Eddie] Dad, what would you do if you found a million dollars

layin' out in the middle of the street?

[Tom] Well, I'd try to find out who it belonged to.

I mean, whoever lost it might need it.

[Eddie] Sure. It might belong to someone poor.

[dog barking]

Dad, how come people have arguments?

[Tom] Well, because they have a difference of opinion.

[Eddie] But why?

[Tom] Because they see things differently.

[Eddie] With their eyes?

[Tom] With their eyes

but with their minds, mostly.

- And that's why they fight. - Sometimes.

[Eddie] But if they saw things with their heart,they wouldn't.

[Tom] Absolutely right.

♪ People let me tell you about my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you about my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you about him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talkin' son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪