Original subtitles

[Eddie] If our house was on fire

what would be the only thing you'd take?

[Tom] You.

[Eddie] Okay, then I'll take Mrs. Livingston.

[Tom] That is a good idea.

[Eddie] I know why you get a second set of teeth.

[Tom] Why?

[Eddie] In case you flunk the first set.

- Dad. - Mm-hmm.

[Eddie] What do you call bikes and trains and cars and boats?

[Tom] Uh, means of transportation.

[Eddie] Yeah, what is the favorite one?

[Tom] Oh, you mean the most popular means of transportation?

[Eddie] Yeah.

[Tom] Um, walking, I guess.

- Not with me. - Oh?

Well, what is your most popular means of transportation?

[Eddie] You. Definitely you.

[Tom] Definitely.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

[indistinct chatter]

Think we'll make the Athletics Saturday?

Well, maybe, but they got Cliff King, you know.

He's the best pitcher in the league.

Somebody told me he had a sore arm.

Well, even with the sore arm

he's the best pitcher in the league.

[Malloy] Alright, you're next, Eddie.

Let's see you hit one out of the old ballpark.

How can we hit it out of the old ballpark?

We can't even reach the fence.

Well, Mr. Malloy has a good imagination.

He thinks I can hit it far enough

outside of the ballpark.

[indistinct chatter]

Attaboy. Way to go, Ed.

Come on, Herman, fog it past him, fog it past him.

Attaboy, Eddie, hang in there.

Come on, Herman. Throw him the ball.

Throw harder, Herman, come on. You can do better than that.

- Hello. - Hi, Mrs. Livingston.

Hey, listen, I got one for you.

Who completed an unassisted triple play

in the World Series 1920?

Well, that was before I became interested in baseball.

Well, it was Bill Wambsganss.

- I will try to remember that. - Mm-hmm.

[children shouting]

Attaboy. Way to go, Ed!

Herman's having a little trouble with his control today.

Herman, come on. You can do better than that.

[children cheering]

Okay, where did he hit you?

[Malloy] He can't talk. He got the wind knocked out of him.

- Where'd it hit you, Eddie? - Yeah, I can talk.

I-in, in the ribs.

You'll be alright just as soon as you get your breath back.

You wanna take an extra turn to bat?

Not really.

Well, I think that is enough baseball for today.

[Malloy] Okay. The rest of you guys, come on.

Get back out there. Herman, what am I gonna do with you?

You're gettin' to be a wild bull.

- See you tomorrow, Eddie. - Yeah, Claude.

Are you sure you feel alright?

Yeah, I'm sure.

I sure am glad that Cliff King wasn't pitchin'.

Is he as wild as Herman?

Twice as wild and twice as fast.

The faster the pitch

the further the ball goes when you hit it.

Yeah.

If it doesn't hit you.

I've been waiting for ya. Will you do me a favor?

Yeah, would you like to say hello first?

- Hi. - Hi there.

What favor can I do for you?

My swimming stuff's up in the closet.

Mrs. Livingston can't get it down. I have to have it.

I see. Big emergency, huh?

One of your fish must be drowning.

You wanna jump in and save it?

- A fish drowning? - Ah, I see.

Okay, now which box is it?

It's the one that says swimming stuff.

I see one here that says Eddie's swimming stuff.

- Could that possibly be it? - That's it.

I see. There you go, my friend.

- Thank you. - You're quite welcome.

Okay, tell me, how did it go today, hmm?

- Pretty good. - Good.

Until I got zonked at practice.

You got zonked, huh? How did you get zonked?

- Herman Pitter's fastball. - Really?

- Yep. - Where did it hit you?

- In the ribs. - You okay?

- Yeah. - You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Let me see it.

[Tom whistles] You did get hit, didn't you?

Yeah. Herman's pretty fast.

I plan to do some pretty serious diving this weekend.

Oh, you do?

That's why I wanted all this stuff.

Oh, where are you gonna go diving? Off the coast?

You have enough equipment.

Yeah, I'm gonna go diving off the coast

at the pool in the park.

Really?

I'm gonna explore the bottom of it for cracks.

For cracks? Well, as a taxpayer

I certainly hope you don't find any.

Why? Would you have to pay for 'em?

No, but my taxes would.

- Oh. - Oh.

Would you mind having a deep-sea diver in the family?

Haven't thought about it. I don't think I'd object.

'Cause you see, if I explore the ocean and find cracks

then you wouldn't have to pay for them.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're absolu...

I have a question for you though.

If you accept this career in deep-sea diving

what happens to your career in baseball?

Well, I figured that deep-sea diving is more interesting.

Well, I didn't know you were thinking that way.

Yeah, I've been giving it a lot of thought.

How long?

All the way back from practice.

Huh.

In large bowl, mix everything except meat and crumbs.

Be sure and brown meat in two tablespoon of hot fat

and then remove lemon slices.

Cover and cook well for two hou...

- Hello, Mr. Eddie's Father. - Hello, Mrs. Livingston.

Well, I didn't know that you memorized your recipes.

I am rehearsing speech for public speaking class.

Ah. Oh, how's it going?

It is hard for me to say.

Well, how 'bout an audience? Would you like me to listen?

- You will not mind? - No, I'd be happy to.

- Come on. Just go ahead. - Alright.

Thank you, Miss Gibson.

Kind ladies and gentlemen of Public Speaking 2A

I would like to speak to you on the way I make sauerbraten.

First, you will need two medium-sized onions.

Slice them well.

Half of a lemon, one and a half cup...

You wish to make a comment already?

I have just begun the speech.

Oh, w-well, no-no, never mind.

Oh, please, what is your comment?

Should I use more gesture?

No, some-somehow, sauerbraten just...

...doesn't seem to call for gestures.

You cannot hear me.

That is my major problem to overcome, they tell me.

No, no, I could hear you fine.

Uh, it's just, I was really wondering

why you're using a recipe for your speech.

Oh, they'd advised us to make sure the topic we choose

is one we feel comfortable with.

Would you suggest another topic?

Oh, no, no. If you are comfortable with sauerbraten

by all means, sauerbraten.

I will feel more comfortable being sick that night.

Do you mind if we do not continue? I must get dinner.

Oh, alright, but anytime I can help you, you let me know.

Thank you.

I'll tell you what, maybe it would help you

a little bit more for practice

if I got this all typed up for you.

Oh, I would appreciate that. Would you?

I'll have it done first thing tomorrow morning.

Oh, good. It is my only copy.

- I promise not to lose it. - Alright.

Oh, Mrs. Livingston, one more thing.

Were you with Eddie today when he got zonked?

- Eddie got zonked? - Uh, hit with the ball.

Oh, yes, it happened while I was there.

All his wind was gone, but then it returned.

- Ah, and he's okay? - Oh, yes, I think so.

Mr. Malloy thinks so, but he does have a bruise.

Yeah, I know, I saw it.

But I do not think it is anything more.

Ah, good. Well, thank you.

Oh, by the way, what are we havin' for dinner tonight?

Sauerbraten.

And here are the contracts

and this is Mrs. Livingston's speech.

Oh, well, thank you very much. She'll appreciate that.

You know, I think that's the longest speech

on sauerbraten that I ever heard of.

Well, that's the only speech on sauerbraten

I ever heard... of.

- That would make it a first. - At least.

Well, tell me. How'd you like it?

It made me hungry.

Ah! It's a good sign.

You know, if Mrs. Livingston's speech class

goes out to eat afterwards, that'll prove

that she's a persuasive speaker, huh?

Well, I'll be happy if they just ask for a copy of the recipe.

- Hi. - Good afternoon.

I'd like to see Mr. Corbett.

Can I ask what it's about?

Well, it's a, it's a personal matter.

- My name is Malloy. - Oh.

Well, I'll see if Mr. Corbett can see you.

Mr. Corbett?

Yes. What is it, Tina?

Th-there's a man outside who, um...

...is, uh, playin' with a baseball mitt.

What... Oh, oh, Mr. Malloy.

How did you know?

Well, he is the coach of Eddie's baseball team.

So therefore, I just assumed he'd be the only adult

to walk in here with a baseball mitt on.

Yeah, I thought it was kind of strange.

I mean, if he had said he was Joe Namath

or somebody like that.

- Joe Namath. - Yeah.

- You follow baseball, Tina? - No.

Well, you, uh, go ahead and send him in here, please.

- Mr. Malloy? - Oh, thank you.

- Hello, Xander. How are you? - Hi, Tom.

Now wait a minute, before you hit me with one

I wanna hit you with one, okay?

How many home runs, Hank Greenberg, '38?

Now I'm not gonna do that anymore, Tom.

- I-I promised my wife. - Oh.

Yeah, she thinks it's kind of childish.

- I see. - But it was 58 home runs.

Now what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

I wouldn't tell her that. Now come on.

- Sit down, will you, please? - Thank you.

Uh, Tom, we've got a...

Well, I don't wanna alarm you

but we've got a crisis on our hands.

- Is Eddie hurt? - Uh, no, no, no.

It's nothing like that, but...

Well, let me lay it out for you.

The Yankees are playin' the Athletics on Saturday.

Now I don't have to tell you that. You know that.

Well, two of my best men are out with the measles.

Well, when your men are nine or ten, you got to expect that.

Sure, but my substitutes are substitutes.

Oh, Mario's not bad, but Peter is pretty lousy.

Peter's your son.

I know. And-and it breaks my heart.

But as a ballplayer, he takes after his mother's side.

Well, I told you when you accepted the coaching job

it wasn't gonna be all laughs.

But the crusher was today.

Eddie came to practice

and then he said he was quitting.

- Quitting the team? - Yeah.

Did he say why?

Oh, somethin' about too much time for practice.

He, he wanted more time for swimming and diving.

Time? He has plenty of time for swimming and diving.

Well, that's what I said.

Eddie's a good hitter, Tom, and we really need him.

You know, if-if we can beat the Athletics Saturday

we can stay close to the top.

Well, I'll tell you what, Xander

I'll have a talk with him. Um...

I think I might know what this is about.

I was hopin' you would.

That's why I came right over here.

Uh, you know your secretary looked at me

like I was a man from Mars.

Oh. Yeah, you should have told her you were Joe Namath.

- What are you thinking? - Not much.

Yeah?

I want you to know, I had a visit today from Mr. Malloy.

- My coach? - Mm-hmm.

But he says that he is not

your coach anymore. Mm?

- That's right. - How come?

'Cause I decided to quit baseball.

Really? When did you decide that, huh?

Well, like I said, I'm gonna start concentratin'

on swimmin' and divin'.

Well, I think that's a great idea

but don't you wanna play some baseball too?

I mean, all that swimming and diving

you'll be underwater all the time.

Yeah, I guess I could play baseball if I wanted to.

But you, uh, you don't want to, huh?

No.

Has this got anything to do with your getting hit

with that pitch ball the other day?

What makes you say that?

Well, we had a guy here just last week

who, uh, who went to bed wearing his baseball glove.

- Remember him? - Yeah.

Well, whatever happened to him? He sort of disappeared.

He just gave up baseball.

That seems little strange to me unless, of course

something happened to, uh, to change things, hm?

And you don't think that wantin'

to swim and dive is enough of a thing?

Well, it, uh, it certainly could be.

But I don't think it is in this case.

- Gee, you're smart, dad. - Oh, well, thank you very much.

Just tell me. Am I right?

- Yeah, you're right. - Mm.

- When I got hit the other day-- - Mm-hmm.

...I started to think about it

but then it just escaped my mind.

Well, that's only natural. You know those things happen.

Yeah, and then today when I went to practice

I saw Herman zingin' them in as fast as he could.

- Really burnin' them, huh? - Yeah.

And then I got a scary feeling about battin' up

against Cliff King.

Then I really got scared and I just couldn't do it.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I see.

Are you ashamed of me?

Ashamed of you? Are you kidding?

I want you to know that I am so proud of you

especially in this particular case.

- You are? - Yes. You know why?

Because you had enough confidence in me

and enough in yourself to come and tell me the truth.

And I know in your heart of hearts

you really didn't wanna tell me this one. Now did ya?

- Nope. I sure didn't. - Ah. I thought so.

You know, I wouldn't have been able to say it

without you helping me.

Well, what are fathers for?

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah. Okay.

Now let's fix up this head of hair.

[Eddie] W6.

W6.

That's W7.

- No, it isn't. - Says W7.

No, it doesn't.

What's that say?

W7.

W6.

You comin' to the game tomorrow?

- You know something, Claude? - What?

These two are both the same.

Do you think you'll ever get this thing on the road?

I don't know. I just wanna get it finished.

Well, I guess I'll go home. You comin' to the game tomorrow?

I'm gonna go swimmin'.

We need you, Eddie.

You have enough guys without me.

We don't have enough guys who are any good.

Pete Malloy can take my place.

Oh, Pete Malloy stinks.

Maybe he can get some extra coachin' from his father.

What all the guys are sayin' about you is right.

What are they sayin' about me?

- You're chicken. - I'm not chicken.

You're afraid of Cliff King's fastball.

I can hit off Cliff King's fastball anytime I want to.

Then how about tomorrow?

I don't feel like hittin' off it tomorrow.

I don't even feel like playin' tomorrow.

Oh, I gotta go home.

I am leaving now.

Oh, Mrs. Livingston, I meant to tell you

how nice you look tonight.

Thank you, Mr. Eddie's Father. I am very nervous.

You're nervous about your speech?

Yes, I am.

You'll do swell, Mrs. Livingston.

Oh, yeah. Listen, if it's half as good

as your sauerbraten, you can't lose.

I would agree if I knew my audience

would be half as kind as you.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Bye.

Well, now there goes a very brave lady.

I guess you think I'm not so brave.

Oh, quite the contrary. I think you're very brave.

But not in baseball.

Well, it's true.

I would like you to play in that game, yeah.

Even when you know I'm scared?

Especially when you're scared.

Because the important thing here, Eddie, is

not to let fear beat you.

What do you mean?

Well, I, uh...

[clears throat] I guess a good example

would be the story of the horse.

Good example of what?

A good example of what I'm tryin' to tell you.

Now listen. You're out riding, right?

And the horse rears up and throws you

and you hit the ground hard

and you're bruised and you're hurt.

Sounds like a pretty unfriendly horse.

Yes, maybe. But you look up, right?

And there's that horse lookin' down at you, see

and you're sacred.

- Yeah. - Now you wanna get up.

But you don't wanna try and climb aboard again

because you're afraid he'll do it to you again.

He sure might.

But if you don't try it, Eddie

you'll always be afraid

and you'll always know that you let your fear

keep you from doing something you really wanted to do.

So what you're saying is that

you ought to get back on the horse.

That's what I'm saying.

And the longer it takes to do it

the harder it gets to do.

Well, get me a horse and I'll try.

Oh, you've already got your horse.

It's that baseball game tomorrow.

Eddie, look.

Everybody has been scared in their lifetime.

- Not you. - Oh, ho, ho. Well, yeah.

Come here, you.

- Climb aboard this horse, huh? - Alright.

Okay.

Eddie.

There was a time once

when I was just as scared, maybe even more scared

than you are right now.

- When? - When your mother died.

- You were scared then? - Oh, I really was. Yes.

Why?

Well, because I felt at the time...

...that I had been hurt about as badly

as anybody could have been.

Yeah, I guess you were.

Yeah, and I didn't want it to happen to me again.

So I came to the conclusion

that I would not fall in love again.

Because in order to fall in love

you gotta take a chance on getting hurt.

So you see, I pretty much felt the way that you do right now.

I just said, "Hey, I don't wanna play anymore."

Then I shouldn't say that for myself, right?

I think you ought to take another shot at it

just to prove to yourself that you can do it.

I think I will.

I was hoping you would.

- Will you be there? - Oh.

Could you possibly keep me away from it?

[male announcer] Still on mound is Cliff King

boasting a one loss record...

Hit it out of the park.

Strike one.

[male announcer] Cliff's had three shutouts and one no-hitter.

On deck is Eddie Corbett.

Alright, come on, Claude.

Keep your head in there, baby. Now hit it.

Tina, what are you doing at a baseball game?

I had to see Eddie. When's the game gonna start?

The game has started. Eddie is up next.

- Up where? - At bat to hit the ball.

- Now he's on the deck. - On the deck?

- Wait, you will see. - Okay.

[male announcer] It's two in one for Claude Peckgill

It's coming up.

Strike three and Peckgill is out.

Next up, Eddie Corbett.

Corbett is boasting a 1-280 average.

[Malloy] Alright, Eddie, come on. Step in there, boy.

Out of the park. Hit it out of the park.

- Oh. - Strike one for Corbett.

[male announcer] Strike two.

[Malloy] Eddie, just beat 'em out. Come on.

Come on, you can do it, boy. Out of the park.

[Eddie] So what you're sayin' is, get back on the horse.

[Tom] That's right.

[crowd cheering]

[laughs]

Did Eddie do good?

Oh, he hit a home run.

- Sure wish we would've won. - Oh, it could be worse.

Yeah, but, Mrs. Livingston, 17-4 is pretty bad.

Wait a minute though.

A hit off Cliff King is pretty good.

Yeah, you were great. Here's your present.

Thanks.

Your swing was level

and you did not try to overpower the ball.

I remembered everything you said, Mrs. Livingston.

Oh, by the way, Mrs. Livingston, how did your speech go?

Two fell asleep and three asked for the recipe.

You got a hit too.

[Eddie] Dad, what's evolution?

[Tom] Well, that's a theory that man developed from a fish

to a monkey, to a man.

[Eddie] I hope it doesn't work in reverse.

[Tom] Yeah.

[Eddie] Dad, you wanna know something funny about monkeys?

[Tom] What's that, sport?

[Eddie] They can be real quiet

when no one is by their cage.

They only start acting goofy when people are around.

[Tom] Oh, yeah.

Well, I guess that's their way of getting attention.

[Eddie] That's what's funny about monkeys.

- The way they get attention? - No.

The way they're so much like people.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪