Original subtitles

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪♪

- Dad, do you know what? - What's that?

[Eddie] If apples didn't get ripe, we wouldn't even be here.

[Tom] Uh-huh. Uh, uh. How do, how do you figure that?

[Eddie] Well, if the apple didn't fall and hit Ezik Newton on the--

[Tom] Hold it. Hold it. Hit who?

- Ezik Newton. - No, it isn't Ezik.

- Then what is it? - It's Isaac.

- Isac? - Isaac. Isaac Newton.

- Oh, well, anyway. - Um-hm.

[Eddie] If the apple didn't fall and hit Isaac Newton

on the head, he wouldn't have discovered gravity

and we'd be falling off the earth.

[Tom] Well, that's-that's not quite right, Eddie, you see.

But apples are very important.

Now, for example

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

And, uh, let's see.

"Apple of my eye."

Uh, "Apple polishing."

"As American as apple pie."

[Eddie] Gee, dad. It's a good thing, Ezik Newton wasn't--

- No, Isaac, Isaac. - Oh.

[Eddie] Well, anyway, it's a good thing

Isaac Newton wasn't hit

on the head by a kumquat.

[Tom] Oh, Eddie.

[Eddie] And especially in the Garden of Even. If he--

[Tom] Ev... The gard-the garden of Even?

That's the Garden of Eden.

- Eden? - Yeah, Eden.

[Eddie] Well, especially in the Garden of Eden

if Eve offered Adam a kumquat

he probably wouldn't have eaten it

and we'd still be walking around here

wearing fig leaves.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

[Eddie] But I am not sick.

I'm in very fine condition.

It's not my birthday or Christmas or anything.

Honest.

My dad just told me that he was gonna come

and bring me a present.

Well, maybe my dad's rewarding me for something

that I don't know about.

Well, sometimes I do great things

and I'm really surprised to find out that I did 'em.

- I'm home, sport. - Hey, wait a min...

Billy, he's here.

- Hi, dad. - Hello, hello, hello.

How come you're getting me a present if it's not my birthday?

I am not running a fever.

Well, because it's Wednesday.

Hey, that's a great reason. What'd you get me?

Got you a chemistry set.

Just a minute.

It's a chemistry set on account of it's Wednesday.

Look at that set.

Oh. Wow!

I bet I could make all kinds

of weird experiments with this set.

Yeah, yeah. Just don't blow up the house, okay?

Mr. Eddie's father, are the chemicals dangerous?

Well, they're about as dangerous as a vodka martini.

- Without the vodka. - Oh.

Hey, this is just like the kind

the mad scientists use on television.

And I'm gonna make all kinds of weird experiments too.

Hey, there's some pretty wild experiments right in here.

Look at all these.

You're not gonna help me do any of the experiments

are you, dad?

Oh, well, did Mr. Einstein help little Albert?

Eddie, chemicals can spoil the carpet.

So, you must play only in the bathroom.

It's good thing to remember. Don't forget that. Okay?

What do you think I ought to make first?

Well, I don't know. How 'bout a steak, hm? I'm starving.

Oh! Dinner will be ready in few minutes.

Thank you, Mrs. Livingston.

Boy, this is the best

super deluxe chemistry set I ever saw.

Well, I'm really glad you like it, sport.

Now, let me see those nails of yours, huh?

Yes, that's what I thought.

Why don't you wash up before dinner, okay?

Okay. You know why I like you, dad?

No. Tell me why.

'Cause you're super deluxe

even when you don't have to be.

[chuckles]

You really have a way with words

don't you, you little devil?

Get in there and wash up.

I'm home, Mrs. Livingston.

Hi, Eddie. Would you like milk and cookies?

No, I don't have time. I gotta finish my new experiment.

Remember, not on the carpet.

[door closes]

♪♪

Let's see what'll I make. Let's see.

"Ink. Measure three parts water into a large beaker."

That's you.

[door opens]

You know, you're not supposed to play

on the carpet with chemical.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Move them into the bathroom, please.

Okay, Mrs. Livingston.

Do it before you spill something.

Please.

[door closes]

Hey, that worked.

[Mrs. Livingston] Do it before you spill something.

[Mrs. Livingston] The chemicals can spoil the carpet.

[Tom] Yeah, that's a good thing to remember, okay?

♪♪

[Mrs. Livingston] You know, you're not supposed to play

on the carpet with chemicals.

Move them into the bathroom.

♪♪

[Mrs. Livingston] The chemicals can spoil the carpet

so you must play only in the bathroom.

- Eddie? - Would you...

What happened?

What do you mean, Mrs. Livingston?

What a mess!

A mess?

I don't think my room is a mess.

I just like it to be, uh, uh...

I just like my room to be casual.

What is the flower pot doing on the floor?

Oh.

Oh, Eddie.

[sighs]

This too?

I'll move the toy chest, Mrs. Livingston

but I know, you're not gonna like it.

Eddie, you will have to tell your father what happened.

Well, he won't like it either.

[Mrs. Livingston] Oh, no.

See, I told you, you wouldn't like it.

Well...

I guess I'd better show you this

so I won't get in trouble, twice.

Oh.

Anything else?

No, nothing else except for this.

♪♪

I guess you're pretty mad at me, aren't you?

It is your father who'll be angry, Eddie.

They're just like the footprints of Robinson Crusoe

found on the deserted island, right, dad?

Except for today isn't Friday.

And except that this isn't sand

and the tide is not gonna wash these footprints away.

Now, Eddie, after you were told

not to use your chemistry set in the carpet

why did you do it?

Well, I guess, I didn't expect anything to happen.

Oh, I see.

I won't do it again, dad. I promise.

Eddie, you may not get a chance to do it again.

What do you mean?

Come here, sport.

- Eddie. - Hm?

Do you remember the bargain

that you and I made

about responsibility?

Oh, you mean that one

if I can't prove that I'm responsible

for something, you'll take it away?

[Tom] That's the one.

You mean, you're gonna take away

that neato super deluxe chemistry set

that you gave me for a Wednesday?

Eddie, do you think I should take it away?

I guess it depends on how we feel about bargains.

How do we feel about making a bargain?

Well...

I think we ought to keep 'em.

That's right.

Well, Eddie, look.

Now that we have agreed on the bargain

and principle

I think that just this one time

we don't have to put it into practice.

I'm not sure I know what you mean.

You can keep the chemistry set.

Hey, neato!

But remember, we're bending a bargain

just this one time. Don't forget it.

I won't forget, dad.

Okay.

Well, Mrs. Livingston, uh, don't really worry about the carpet.

I'll have the cleaners come in tomorrow morning

and take care of it.

Um, Mrs. Livingston

uh, I could really use somehors d'oeuvres

to go with the martini I'm about to fix, hm?

Yes, Mr. Eddie's father.

Uh, Mrs. Livingston.

I, uh... I know, I was probably a little lenient with him.

Well, those are your decisions.

Yeah, well, the truth of the matter is, um...

Well, y-you see, I just didn't have the heart

to take it away from him.

When I was about his age, I...

Well, I, sort of ruined the finish

on a dining room table with a chemical experiment.

And my father couldn't take my chemistry set

away from me either.

Excuse me, I will start thehors d'oeuvresnow.

Hm.

♪♪

Mm, they look good. May I?

Please.

Mrs. Livingston, I, um...

I don't think you approve of my father

letting me keep my chemistry set.

You mean, I don't approve

you letting Eddie keep the chemistry set.

Yes, I think that's what I mean, alright.

It is not for me to say, Mr. Eddie's father.

But I'd, I'd like to hear what you think, Mrs. Livingston.

Very well. I think sometime you are too lenient with Eddie.

Uh, well, uh, yeah, that, that might be true

but I don't think that a couple of spots in the rug

are that important.

I am not concerned about the carpet, Mr. Eddie's father.

I mean, it's just a matter of carelessness, you know?

Then, he must learn how not to be.

Yes, but I-I think he'll learn just as well

with his chemistry set, as without it.

♪♪

Yourhors d'oeuvreswill be ready soon, Mr. Eddie's father.

Hm. You still disagree with my father.

I-I will bring them to you when they are ready.

Alright.

My mother didn't agree with my father either.

Well, that sure is a great machine.

It better be. Ink's pretty hard to get out.

It's 'bout the best I can do.

Uh, it will have to be vacuumed after it dries.

I'll do it.

I'll bet you got a whack for doing this.

No, my dad never whacks me.

We just have man-to-man talk.

Yeah? In my house, I whack first then we have a man-to-man talk.

Uh, tell Mr. Corbett it'll, uh, look better after it dries.

Yes, I'll tell him. Thank you.

- Mrs. Livingston. - Yes?

You didn't ask me if I wanted milk and cookies

when I came home from school today.

Oh, you may have them.

- Eddie, are you finished? - Thank you.

Yes, thank you.

- Mrs. Livingston. - Yes?

It was a delicious dinner.

Thank you.

Mrs. Livingston isn't acting very friendly, isn't she, dad?

I don't know, Eddie, I think she's just a little upset

after yesterday, that's all.

Well, maybe

if we start being extra nice to her

she'll start smiling again

instead of going around the house all day

looking inscrutable.

- It's worth a try. - Yeah.

♪♪

- Eddie. - Hm?

I think you could use a little more

enthusiasm with that toothbrush.

Hm, hm, hm? Come on. Come on.

Dad, with all this brushing, I could wear out my teeth.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, go ahead. Come on, come on.

Up and down, up and down. All around, all around.

Up. That's it, that's it. In between, in between.

Very good.

[gargling]

Oh, that was a great sloppy gargle.

[giggling]

Do you know that Billy Gerber

could even gargle without water?

- Without water, huh? - Um-hmm.

Well, that's a talent that boggles the mind.

I don't know how he does it.

- How do you do that? - I'll never tell.

I was scared once by a swing pole.

- Could I do it, dad? Could I? - Alright. Come on up here.

Eeeyah! Okay.

Now, relax and go "Aaa."

- Aaa. - Aaa. Now go "Grrr."

- Grrr. - No, not the tongue.

Not the tongue. Now, just relax the throat.

- Okay, okay. - Now relax the, the...

What they call the, the, the throat.

Ha-ha, relax it. Now, do it. Make the noise.

- Aa-grrr. - Grrr.

Just terrible. Just terrible.

Okay, come on, get the speed out of this.

Come on. Relax those toes. Relax 'em. Okay.

Now, you practice that, right?

And tomorrow morning we will go through

our "Grrrs" together, okay?

- Okay. - Goodnight.

Goodnight.

[Eddie] Hey, dad.

Yes, sir.

How come ladies get mad easier than fathers?

How come ladies get mad easier...

Oh. Oh, I guess, you're referring to Mrs. Livingston.

Well, Eddie... Scoot a little bit.

Attaboy.

I don't think she's mad, Eddie.

I just think that she's a little upset.

Because you used your chemistry set on the carpet

after you were told not to.

Well, Billy Gerber's mother is upset, too.

And all he did was just busted up an old lamp.

Not on purpose.

Oh, yes.

Well, ladies do have a tendency

to get upset over things like that.

I'm sure glad, you're not a lady, dad.

Yeah, so am I.

- Goodnight, dad. - Goodnight, sport.

Goodnight.

You know, I've been extra nice to Mrs. Livingston

and she still hasn't started smiling again.

I don't think, she likes me anymore.

Oh, I don't know. I think, she likes you.

And how come she keeps on acting that way?

We had finger painting today at school, Mrs. Livingston.

That's why my hands have so many different colors.

I'll help you bring a clean towel right now.

Okay.

So...

Still green.

[gasps]

Oh, boy. I'm sorry, Mrs. Livingston.

- Mrs. Livingston. - Yes?

How do peas know to stop when the shell is all filled up?

It is nature's way, Eddie.

Is it the same kinda nature as human nature?

No, they're very different.

Plants have no intelligence.

So, if the grow badly, they cannot be blamed.

But people must take responsibility for what they do.

Yeah, I know. My dad's always saying that.

♪♪

Hey, Mrs. Livingston, do you hear music?

- I think it's a band. - I bet you, it's a parade.

Mrs. Livingston, come here and see! It's a parade.

They've got uniforms and everything.

[gasps]

Mrs. Livingston, you're hurting me!

Don't you ever do that again!

You must never, never do that again. Do you understand?

Mrs. Livingston, Eddie, what happened?

Mrs. Livingston hurt me, dad! She hurt me!

♪♪

[sighs] Eddie, for openers

I want you to apologize to Mrs. Livingston

for scaring her so badly.

Oh, gosh, she hurt me very badly when she grabbed me.

Eddie, she grabbed you because she cares about you

and she didn't want you to fall.

I'm sorry for scaring you very badly, Mrs. Livingston.

That's okay.

Alright, Eddie.

Now, why did you climb up in the chair, in the first place?

'Cause I wanted to see the parade.

You've been told more times than I can possibly remember

don't go anywhere near that rail.

It is very dangerous.

I guess I wasn't thinking about that.

I see. Why?

'Cause I was so excited about seeing the parade.

No excuse.

I'm sorry, dad.

Promise, I'll never do it again.

Okay.

Now, uh, you go in your room

and you start your homework, alright?

Excuse me.

Mr. Eddie's father.

Yes, Mrs. Livingston.

I do not think you realize

how close Eddie came to falling off the railing.

Well, I...

Mrs. Livingston, I know it's probably little scary

but I've talked to Eddie and...

...I don't think he'll try it again.

♪♪

[Eddie] One of those.

Eddie! Eddie!

Eddie!

Don't you ever, ever, ever do a thing like that again.

You whacked me!

Yes, I did, and I'll do it again

if you ever get near that rail.

If you hit me, you don't love me.

Eddie, it's because I love you that I hit you.

But I was only trying to get my kite.

And you could've fallen...

Eddie, you go into your room and you think about that.

Okay, but you are not my best friend anymore.

♪♪

[Tom] Mrs. Livingston.

You, uh... you saw?

Yes, I did.

[sighs]

I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life.

I don't even know how Eddie got on that terrace.

Well, you were right, Mrs. Livingston.

You know, if I'd been little firmer in the beginning

I don't think any of this would've happened.

I'll, I'll start coffee now.

Mr. Eddie's father, please do not be upset what Eddie said.

[Tom] But I'm not his best friend anymore.

Children say things in anger.

- He loves you very much. - Yes.

♪♪

I'm sorry, dad.

You're still my best friend.

[Eddie] I read in a book that once upon a time

long time ago, we all had tails.

[Tom] That's true.

[Eddie] How come we don't have them now?

[Tom] Well, we outgrew them, see, we don't have any

need for them anymore.

[Eddie] I'd sure like a tail.

- Oh, you would, huh? - Sure.

[Eddie] I could wag it a lot when I am happy. Like now.

[Tom] Oh, well, what if you were unhappy?

[Eddie] Well, then I could stick it between my legs

and go running off and hide.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪