Original subtitles

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪♪

[birds chirping]

[Eddie] How do people become important?

[Tom] Well, hard work, luck

being in the right place at the right time.

[Eddie] Am I in the right place at the right time?

[Tom] Oh-oh, as far as I am concerned, you are.

[Eddie] Then that makes me important.

[Tom] To me, very.

- What makes people rich? - Oh, that's easy. Money.

[Eddie] How do they get the money?

[Tom] Well, they earn it

or someone leaves it to 'em.

[Eddie] Can you find it?

[Tom] Well, uh, there is another kind of rich, Eddie.

[Eddie] What kind of rich is that?

[Tom] Rich in love, rich in health

and just plain rich in feeling good.

[Eddie] And rich in having terrific times?

[Tom] Right.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪

[scatting]

[scatting]

♪ Oops ♪♪

- What kind of a party? - A cocktail party.

What do you do at a cocktail party?

Well, nothing much, really.

Usually, people just sort of stand around and talk.

- You play games? - No, you don't play games.

[chuckles] At least, not the kind you're thinking of.

- They have ice-cream cake? - Nope.

- Don't they even have prizes? - Nope.

Boy, it sure doesn't sound like much of a party.

Are you sure it's worth gettin' all dressed up for?

Well, I, uh, I don't know that it's worth it

but I do know that it's called for.

You see, Eddie, this party is more for business

than it is for pleasure.

What business?

Do you remember Mrs. Drummond-Randolph

the, uh, chairman of the board of my magazine?

Oh, yeah, she's that lady who's sort of your boss

and who wanted to fire Uncle Norman

because he's a free soul.

That's right, but she changed her mind, remember?

Well, she has been away on a trip

and this party is to welcome her back.

Where'd she go on her trip?

She went to look at a rain forest.

What for?

Well, I thought, it, uh...

I thought it might be a good idea if she got her hair wet.

[yawning] I just don't understand, dad.

Well, Eddie, you see

some ladies just can't relax and have fun

because they think they're gonna get their hair all messed up.

Well, you see, she was like that.

So I thought that if

well, if she got her hair wet in a rain forest

it might just change her attitude.

Oh... but I still don't understand, dad.

[chuckles] Okay.

Well, could I stay up for the whole party, anyway?

Yeah, we'll see.

[doorbell ringing]

Well, there is Mrs. Drummond-Randolph.

What's she doing here so early?

Oh, the guest of honor

always arrives early.

Do you think of her as a mother type?

No, I, uh, I think of her as a boss type.

Good evening.

Hi, Eddie.

Tom, it's so good to see you again.

Hey, dad, you said you thought of her as a boss type.

[laughing]

- Well, hi, boss. - Hi.

[indistinct chatter]

I just felt so depressed

that I-I decided to go to Portland

and have my ears pierced.

H-here you are, gentlemen, compliments of Tom Corbett.

Thank you.

Who is Tom Corbett?

He's the host.

I don't know the man.

What are you doing here?

I came with... What's his name?

And you?

With, uh, uh, who's he?

But at least I know who Tom Corbett is.

Well, who is he?

He's the guy who brought us our drinks.

Uh, Tina, cookie-puss. Oh, you're late.

Yeah, I couldn't decide what to wear.

- Well, come on in. - Hm, do I look alright?

I changed three times.

You look terrific, really terrific. Come on in.

- Where is she? - Who?

Mrs. Drummond-Randolph.

Oh.

Your favorite paragon of perfection is right over there.

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh, boy. - Hey, where are you goin'?

I'm, I'm going home to change.

I look like Little Miss Muffet.

But I like Little Miss Muffet.

Wonderful, Norman. I'll dress for you another time.

- Tina! - You know.

I go to scads of cocktail parties

but you're my very first divinity student.

Now, I want to hear every word

about divinity school

every fascinating word.

Well, there you go, major.

Oh, come on, let me take that hat for you, okay?

[indistinct chatter]

Hello there. Well, had a good time?

Of course. You're a charming host.

Well, you're a charming guest of honor.

I never did ask. How was your trip?

I found the rain forest you sent me out to look for.

Oh.

I loved it.

I think it changed me.

Can you see the difference?

Yes, I think so.

That trip was excellent advice, doctor.

Well, you was a pretty good patient, yeah.

[chuckles]

The prognosis is that

I may need additional therapy.

Well, a good doctor is always available.

That's very comforting to know.

If you will excuse me, dear

I see I have some more patients

to take care of. Ah.

Let me do that for you now.

Hors d'oeuvres?

Are, uh, any of them liver?

- Liver? No. - Well, uh...

What about those, uh, little ones

with, uh, bacon wrapped around them?

Oh, they are prunes inside.

- They always say that. - That they are prunes inside?

Yes, and then you take one and you bite into it

and you got a mouthful of liver.

Why you not try the other kind?

Because I love bacon.

If we could just be sure there wasn't liver inside.

There's no liver.

Uh, do you have one with, uh

bacon wrapped around a water chestnut?

Oh, I'm afraid not.

- Oh. That's too bad. - Why?

Because I trust a water chestnut not to be a piece of liver.

I do not trust a prune not to be a piece of liver.

Here are some trustworthy peanuts.

- Well, Norman. - Well, Cissy.

You know, I've thought of you often.

Mm-hmm? I got the vibes.

A lady doesn't soon forget her first free soul.

Hey, you're talking pretty.

I love people who talk pretty.

- Did you have a good trip? - Neato.

- I found the rain forest. - Oh. Did you get your hair wet?

Yep.

Well, for that you get two neatos.

Perhaps one is all I can handle at the moment.

Hm.

- Well, hello there. - Hi.

Not much fun for you, is it?

Well, it's okay.

You shouldn't bring a kid to a party like this.

- It's okay. - No, he's quite right.

They, they really shouldn't.

- They didn't. I live here. - Oh.

I'm Eddie Corbett.

Then you must be Tom Corbett's son.

Right.

Oh, Tom!

Fine boy you have here.

Tom?

My boy, your father makes a splendid drink.

You know what, there sure are an awful lot of people around here

that weren't ever on any guest list I ever typed up.

Party crashers.

Oh, you mean, friends of friends of friends.

No, no, no, it's a special breed of people.

They have a seventh sense that tells them

when there's a party goin' on.

- A seventh sense? - Mm-hmm.

It's terrific. They can do marvelous things.

They have great sensitivity, they can smell whiskey

clam dip, potato chips.

Some of them can even smell ice cubes.

Oh, Norman.

[chuckles] Oh, Tina.

Am I intruding on a private moment?

No, no, as a matter of fact

I was tryin' to figure out where all these people came from.

Next time I have a party, I'm gonna hire a bartender.

Well, I could have handled that detail for you.

Well, then, in that case, next time I throw a party

you've got the job.

You know, I think we make quite a nice team. Don't you?

Well, I must say, I had my doubts

about working for a, uh, female chairman of the board.

But I don't mean working for me, I meant being a partner.

[chuckles] Business must be better than I thought.

Yes, and which is one reason

I'd like you to move to New York.

- What would you think of that? - New York?

I think it'll be hot during the summer

and cold during the winter.

Well, the heating system in the building is excellent

and there's a very cozy office right next to mine.

Well, I never mix business with pleasure.

As a matter of fact, I want you to know

I am not even deducting this party from my income tax.

Well, you're not taking me seriously.

I never take anybody seriously at cocktail parties.

But I haven't been cocktailing.

Straight grapefruit juice.

Well, if you're seriously suggesting...

[chuckles]

...that I, I move to New York... well, I-I would, uh...

[clears throat] ...I'd have to give that some consideration.

Well, I am seriously suggesting it...

...which is one difference the rain forest made.

Oh.

Well, last time around

my suggestions were orders.

This time they are suggestions.

Oh.

[chuckles] New York?

[chuckles]

[chuckles] Ne-New York. Ah-ah...

Well, I, uh, I will definitely have to give that

some very serious thought.

[chuckles]

Ah, well, I, see, I have some guests at the bar.

I had best get over there and service them

if you'll excuse me.

Uh, but you really know how to overwhelm somebody.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, young man, how do you like the party?

Well, it's not as good as Emily Ruth Gustafson's cookout.

I'll tell you a secret.

Do you want me to tell you a secret?

- Is it a long secret? - No.

You are the only one I like at this party.

- How'd you like that? - It was okay.

Hey, good, I like your father, too.

Hello, Tom!

That's not my father.

Oh.

Well, anyway, I like you and you like me

and that's what counts.

So we must find mutual interests.

Okay.

- You go to school, correct? - Correct.

Tell me something.

What do you think about this student unrest?

[sighs]

Tina, why are you looking so scared?

Because I'm so scared. Do I look alright, Mr. Corbett?

Let me count the ways. You look fine, Tina.

But if you go home one more time to change your clothes

you can't come back to the party.

But-but how do you compete with somebody

who's on the ten-best-dressed list all the time?

You don't. Look at her. Look at her.

See? Just a person.

Yeah, just an ordinary-average-gorgeous-millionaire

boss-of-a-publishing-empire person.

Yes, yes, but with problems just like you and me.

No, no, a problem would never dare attack that lady

because it'd be too afraid of all that perfection.

What makes you think she's perfect?

I know she's perfect

because I have this perfect jealous hatred.

Tina...

Do you know I wouldn't trade you

for all the Cissy's in the world?

That's just because they can't type.

Neither can you.

Excuse me.

And you do it so seemingly effortlessly

which is, of course, the secret of a good party.

[chuckles] Thank you. Now, can I get you something?

No, no, thank you. I just came out to get acquainted.

I'll get it for you, Charlie, as soon as I take care of this.

Oh, oh, well. Hello, Mrs. Livingston.

I can really use some more ice, please.

- I'll get the bucket. - Thank you.

Oh. Oh, boy.

Tell me, are you here for some ice, too?

No, Mrs. Livingston and I were just having a little talk.

- Oh, that's nice. - And getting along famously.

I think she likes me. I glad.

- Glad? - Well, of course.

I'm sure you wouldn't wanna try to get along without her

under any circumstances.

She's wonderful.

♪♪

Hm. It's a great night for astrology.

- Oh, how's that? - Well, there's no smog.

It's clear, you can see the stars

which is terrific if you happen to believe

they control your destiny.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

Well, I just got a message

that somebody else

would like to control my destiny.

- Who? - Cissy.

What do you mean?

I'm afraid my welcome-home party backfired.

Now how'd that happen?

Well, what was meant to be

glad to see you

has been interpreted as something else.

In plain words, you think she's after you.

In plain words, exactly.

Now, is that after you for laugh and kicks

or is it like serious and let's get married?

The second one.

Maybe she just wants a fling.

Oh, oh, you think just because she's been out in the rain

she's ready to face the storm.

Hey, you said that terrific.

And, I mean, I didn't know you were a storm.

Oh, now, come on, Norman, cut that out.

You know what I mean, I'm saying it could be dangerous

to find out a, a fling is what she's really after.

- But I can help you. - How?

If it's just a fling that she's after, stormy...

...then either one of us would do.

I wish you could come to all the cocktail parties

I have to go to.

Yeah, so you can have the bacon part

and I can have the prune.

The part they tell you is prune.

But I know this, honest.

Well, how do you know it's not a piece of liver

that just tastes like a prune?

I guess there are some things

you just have to accept on blind faith.

Hey, sport, it's time for you to go to bed.

- Oh, dad. - Eddie.

Okay. Well, sorry.

Goodnight. Oh, and, uh, thanks for everything.

Yeah?

Yup. Yes, sir.

You think I ought to say goodnight

to the rest of your guests?

[Tom] Well, um, ahem...

Well, uh, now that you've finally met

Mrs. Drummond-Randolph again, what do you think?

- Well, she is awful pretty. - Yeah, she is.

And I like those pants she is wearing.

They're made out of run-over velvet.

[chuckles] I think that's, uh, crushed velvet.

Looked run-over to me.

Mm-hmm. Anything else?

Well...

...she looks like a mother type.

Yeah.

She smells like a mother type.

Mm-hmm.

And she's just the right height for a mother type, too.

But she's not a mother type?

- I don't think so. - Do you know why?

Well...

...I think if my shoes got tight

I'd have to tell her because she'd never know.

Yeah.

Yeah. I think I know what you mean.

- Goodnight, sport. - Goodnight.

- And the way we met. - In the elevator.

Mm-hmm.

- All alone, just the two of us. - Mm-hmm.

And you told me not to fix my hair

because then I'd be perfect.

Perfection is boring, you said.

And then after you followed my commands

I invited you up to the roof.

[chuckles] In the rain.

- You made it sound so illicit. - But you knew better.

Hm.

Listen, I have some terrible etchings

I'd never show you.

And my apartment is only a few blocks from here, huh?

Hm?

I'm sorry, Norman.

I'm ready for hearth and home.

I wanna hear rain on the roof and most of the time

and that all spells

T-O-M.

[laughing]

I made a little joke.

[laughing]

- Oh, Tom, darling. - Yes.

A man of the cloth adds such a nice touch to your party.

What a clever one you were to have thought of inviting him.

Thank you very much, Cordelia.

Uh, D-David, I have someone I'd like you to meet.

Would you excuse us for one second, please?

[chuckles] You just have fun.

Hurry back.

[Tom] I think you'll find Tina a change of pace.

[clears throat] We have to talk.

- Hm, talk? - Talk, you and me.

A-alright. Uh, excuse me.

Uh, you're in very good hands.

- Thank you. - Uh-huh.

- You were right. - What? What?

You were right. You're absolutely right.

Cissy Drummond-Randolph.

I flung her everything I had

and she flung nothing back.

Oh, well...

- Serious and married, huh? - Oh, yeah.

She even spells it out for you. T-O-M.

Hm. Tsk.

[sighs] I don't know what am I gonna do.

Well, you could tell her you can't spell.

Well. Alright, where is she?

Hm?

[indistinct chatter]

What are you gonna do the next time you get depressed?

Maybe I'll have my nose pierced.

But of course, I'll go to Philadelphia for that.

Cissy.

I've just made a confession to Norman.

He told you?

Yes, yes.

Well, good. Then, then the preliminaries are over.

Cissy...

...how do you feel about honesty?

Oh, I think it's here to stay.

And about games?

Oh, I've played all the games.

- I'm tired of them. - Good.

Then all that's left is honesty.

Well, honestly, what do you think of my proposal?

Well... I feel that...

...a lady met a man...

...that told her to go to a rain forest.

She did.

And everything that happened there...

...somehow got connected to the man.

And he doesn't want them to be connected to him.

No, that's not the point.

The point is

there maybe no connection.

Oh, Cissy, the amount of time you and I have spent together

could be measured in hours.

And I think for a connection this strong

hours are just not sufficient time.

Thank you, Tom.

All rejections should be so graciously given.

[sighs]

Should we continue to see each other, Tom?

Of course.

Maybe we'll make connections.

Let's find out.

[door shuts]

Hey!

Well, I see the troops are policing up the area.

- Hi, dad. - Good morning, sport.

Good morning, Mr. Eddie's father.

Good morning, Mrs. Livingston.

- Oh, boy. - Some mess, huh, dad?

Yeah, but average, I guess.

Well, tell me, how did you enjoy your first cocktail party?

Well, I don't know.

- Did you have a good time? - I don't know.

But I'll tell you one thing, I think I'd like

to never have to give another cocktail party again.

Then why don't we not throw one again?

Because sometimes you have to.

- How come? - I don't know.

I guess it gives some people the illusion

that they're having a good time.

And what kind of parties do you like?

Right now, the best kind of party

would be an intimate breakfast for two.

That would be you and me, together.

Hop aboard. Yeah!

- Mrs. Livingston. - Yes?

Tell Mrs. Livingston what we would like.

- We want food. - Sustenance.

- Food for our bodies. - Alright.

Keep us alive.

Alright, push it. Ah...

[Tom] Eddie, did you know that fish breathe in water?

[Eddie] I was wondering how they stay under so long.

[Tom laughs]

[Tom] Hey, how'd you like to be a bird, Eddie

and fly wherever you want?

[Eddie] Above the smog?

- How about a horse? - How about it?

[Eddie] Look, I, you know, they have four legs to run on

and gallop up and down hills

and nearly go as fast as the wind.

[Tom] Well, that sounds like an awful lot of fun. Now, doesn't it?

[Eddie chuckles]

[Eddie] You know, dad

when I put it all together

being human really isn't all that terrific, is it?

[Tom] Depends on how you handle it, Eddie.

- Well, what'll we do? - Well, keep hanging in there.

[Eddie] Keep trying and keep doing the best we know how.

- Okay? - Okay.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa ra pa ra pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪