All language subtitles for The.Courtship.of.Eddies.Father.S02E09.Who.Wants.to.Sail.Down.the.Amazon.Anyway.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

- Dad?
- Ah-huh?

[Eddie] Can only God make a tree?

[Tom] Only God can make a tree.

[Eddie] What about the rivers and
the mountains and the lakes?

[Tom] Those, too.

And man, too.

[Eddie] What about chickens and
ducks and things that go quack?

[Tom] What, what about them?

[Eddie] Well, who makes their feathers?

[Tom] Their feathers? Well,
they come with them, Eddie.

[Eddie] I'd never hurt a feather,
because they're fun to stick

in your hair and play Indian with.

[chanting]

[Tom] Where are we going, Great Chief?

[Eddie] You Great Chief.
Me, just Little Brave.

- Little Brave?
- Yeah.

I don't know where we are.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person
who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down
my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you
'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether
we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether
we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

Well, I've-I've tried
every other airline

with a flight in from Utah.

Would you mind just
checking again, please?

Harry I. Madison, Salt Lake City.

- Dad, dad, tell him he's old.
- Yeah.

- And we're really worried.
- Uh, yeah, alright, Eddie.

Just, just, just one second, please.

W-what?

Oh, I see. Well, thank you
very much for trying.

Mm-hmm.
Bye-bye.

Well, I guess all we can do is, wait.

Oh, what did the telegram from
Eddie's grandfather say?

Well, nothing, really, except
that he would be arriving today.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

It's been a long time
since I've seen grandpa.

- You remember him, Eddie?
- Sure.

Last time he came, I think he
brought me a big red wagon.

Oh, isn't it nice to be remembered?

It was a big wagon

with an extension ladder
that really worked.

And lots of firemen on it, but no siren.

Yeah, I remember Grandpa really good.

Oh, there he is.

Well, I'll get it, Mrs. Livingstone.

Okay.

- Grandpa!
- Harry!

[chuckles] Hello, Tom.

Oh, how are you, my boy Eddie?

I'm fine, grandpa.

Harry, I'd like to introduce my
housekeeper, Mrs. Livingstone.

Mr. Madison.

Come on then, please.

Well, tell me, how did you get here?

Well, I drove.

Drove? All the way from Salt Lake City?

Yep. I bought me a nice
neat little sport car.

And it handled just fine.

Is that the present you brought
me this time, grandpa?

Hey, you, we're not supposed
to ask grandfathers

about the presents, right?

But that's what grandpas are for.

Really?
Where did you hear that?

- From him.
- That's right.

That's what grandfathers are for.

Wait till you hear what I
have for you this time.

It's a horse!

Yes, it is a horse, and it's
probably hidin' in the elevator.

I'm gonna go out and look for it.

Ah, now, now.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.

But I know it's a horse.
And it's probably hungry.

- And I'm gonna go feed him.
- Mm-hmm.

Before I tell you, I've got to
talk about it with your father.

Oh, well, in that case, uh...

Eddie, what's your favorite food?

A steak.

Well, why don't you go and
ask Mrs. Livingstone

to fix you a steak? You, uh...

You do understand, don't you?

[Eddie] Sure. You two guys gotta talk.

That's right.

[chuckling]

[sighs]

And I guarantee he's never had

a present like this before.

Harry, you don't really have a
horse in the elevator, do you?

Well, how are you, Tom?

To tell the truth, Harry,
I am fine. How are you?

I am fit as a fiddle. I can take
you on for ten rounds anytime.

No, I'd lose. Now, what about
this present, Freddie?

Hey!

What a magnificent view.

- Harry...
- Hmm?

The present?

Okay, huh, the present.

Well, there's a place
I've been wanting to go

ever since I was just a little pup.

Now, I want to go and
take my only grandson.

Oh, a trip.
Well, that's a, uh... Where?

Well, I haven't exactly
made the reservations yet

but, but you'll just love the idea, Tom.

Oh, yeah, well, where
do you wanna take him?

I have this old friend.

Now, he knows all about my grandson.

He's an archeologist.

And he has the canoes,
and the camping gear.

And all ready for this expedition.

Canoes, gear, expedition?

Where are you gonna go?

Well, there's nothing to
worry about, you know.

Eddie will just love it, it
will be a great adventure.

How great an adventure?

I don't want you to think it's
some idea of a crazy old man.

There's nothing dangerous about it.

Harry, I just wanna know
where you're going.

Just to show you how safe it is

we're not even leaving this continent.

Continent?
Harry, where're you going?

Just, uh, up the Amazon.

But why can't you tell
me what the present is?

Because, there are some things about it

that are not worked out yet.

What things?

Well, we'll talk about it tomorrow, hmm?

You mean maybe I won't get it at all?

No, I mean, maybe we'll
talk about it tomorrow.

Okay, then, I'm gonna go
right to bed and sleep fast

so it will be tomorrow real soon.

Okay.

♪ Tum pa-da-daa ♪♪

Harry, no trip up the Amazon.

Give me one good reason.

Well, it's too dangerous,
he's too young, it's too far

and he'll be away from his normal
family life for too long.

You're not above listening
to some reasons

on the other side, are you?

[chuckling]

No, Harry, I am not
above, uh, listening.

He's my only grandson.

He's what still lives of my daughter.

Yes, I know the feeling, Harry.

Eva still lives in my life.

He'll never forget this trip.

He'll always remember me because of it.

That's my... immortality.

Well, Harry, those are
very pretty words.

Now, where did you hear them,
from a pulpit somewhere?

No, I made 'em up myself.

They stand up a lot better than those

pittin' reason of yours, won't they?

- Yes, I suppose they will.
- Good.

I hate to pull rank on you,
Harry, but I am Eddie's father.

And I am responsible for him.

But I'll tell you what, look.

Why don't you go out tomorrow,
get him a fire engine

with a siren on it that really works?

- Now, he'd love that.
- But, Tom--

No trip up the Amazon.

"No trip up the Amazon."

A fire engine with a real siren.

That works.

Hm.

[sighs]

- Umh. One word of caution.
- What's that?

I don't think you should even
mention this trip to Eddie.

Not even that I wanted
to give it to him?

No. Not even that.

Why?

Uh, Harry, um, y-you don't
know Eddie as well as I do.

Once he's turned on to something

it's impossible to say no.

It's the same way with my daughter.

Yeah. So, no telling him.

- Okay?
- Agreed.

I've got to hand it to you, Tom.

You sure know how to
frustrate a grandfather.

Thank you very much, Harry.

♪♪

[Eddie] Dad, I and grandpa
are goin' up the Amazon.

Did you hear that, sport, up the Amazon

with canoes and spears and everything!

That's grandpa's present.

Eddie, your grandfather told you that?

Uh-huh, and it's even
better than a horse.

Except for I still want
one when I come back.

No, no, wait a minute. Eddie.

[sighs] Eddie, you are not
going up the Amazon.

Grandpa said that you'd say that.

- Oh, he did, did he?
- Mm-hmm.

- Know why?
- No, why?

Well, he knows best because
he's older than you are.

Oh, that's why.

- Mm-hmm.
- I see.

I see.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe him.

See, you're older than
me so you know best.

But grandpa's older than
you so he knows best.

I see. Well, I guess I can
guess who told you that. Hm?

- Mm-hmm, grandpa.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.

Now, he said that you, uh,
you're going up the Amazon?

- Yep.
- Okay.

Where is he?

He's in the kitchen making Hobo coffee.

[whistling]

- Harry.
- Hmm?

- Why did you do it?
- Do what?

- Tell Eddie about the trip.
- Oh, that.

Oh, I knew once you had a
chance to sleep on it

that you would agree with me.

Here, have some coffee.

I, uh, Tom, you're not annoyed
with me or something, are you?

No, I'm not annoyed or something.

I'm livid.

And, Harry, I thought we had
this all out last night.

And you agreed you weren't gonna
tell Eddie about the trip.

What did you do this morning?
Right away.

Pfft. Went against your promise.

Ah, it's still pretty early
in the morning, Tom.

Why don't you go back onto bed?

[chuckling] And you'll, you'll
agree with me later on.

No amount of sleep is going to make me

change my mind.
May I borrow your spoon?

Well, you sound pretty
definite about all this.

Good, Harry. I'm glad
you're finally hearing me.

Now, Eddie is gonna be
in here in a second.

And I want you to tell
him the trip is off.

Why should I be the one to
break that boy's heart

when you're the one who
says he can't go?

No, I want you to tell
him, Harry, because

he'll accept it better from you.

- Why?
- It's your idea.

[sighs]

What sort of an excuse can I give him?

It is your crazy trip, so you
make up some crazy excuse.

But make sure that it sounds logical.

Oh, Harry, you know, you
really have a knack

for driving sound people wacky.

That's what my wife
always says about me.

Yeah, she's off on one
of her cruises now

with her lady friend.

Says she finds it very restful

and absolutely necessary at times--

Harry, I don't wanna talk
about ladies' cruises

I wanna talk about your
cruise up the Amazon.

- Hi.
- Hi, grandpa.

How's the Hobo coffee coming?

Well, it's the best Hobo
coffee I've ever made.

- Could I have some, please?
- Hmm.

Oh, Eddie, you know you're not
allowed to, uh, drink coffee.

When you put plenty of milk in
it, it won't hurt him at all.

Well, dad, maybe we ought
to get Mrs. Livingstone

to start to make Hobo coffee
just like grandpa makes.

Mm-hmm. Well, we'll, uh, we'll
talk about the coffee later.

But, right now, your
grandfather has something

he'd like to tell you.

What, grandpa?

Well, Eddie, you know, I've
been doing some thinking.

About what?

I've been thinking about our little trip

up the Amazon.

- Yes, grandpa?
- Well, I have been thinking...

I have been thinking that
in order to prepare

for our trip up the Amazon

that first we should go to the zoo.

♪♪

I would be happy to fix more bacon

if you like, Mr. Eddie's father.

Hmm. No.

No, no, thank you, Mrs. Livingstone.

Well, I know you're
upset about the trip.

Has Eddie's grandfather said
when he plans to do it?

No. No, he hasn't gotten
around to the "when," yet.

It is possible he does not
plan to go for several years.

Well, with that stubborn old
man anything is possible

if he sets his mind to it.

Then forgive me, but I do not understand

why you do not tell Eddie
that he cannot go.

- I told him.
- You did?

Yes, he didn't believe me.

But how could he not believe his father?

Because his grandfather has him
convinced that he knows more

because he's older.

Oh, I see.

But the old can be wily as well as wise.

Yes, to show you how wily he is

I have not yet been able to convince him

to tell Eddie that the trip is off.

Oh, I am sorry you have
such a problem that...

...there seems to be no solution.

- Okay, doctor is in.
- Oh, okay, doctor.

Well, ahem, I have a problem

with Eddie's wacky grandfather

and I need a whack to help me solve it.

- The whack is in.
- Okay.

He, uh...

He has Eddie convinced
that they're gonna go

on an archeological expedition.

- Terrific.
- Up the Amazon.

- Terrific.
- Norman, I said up the Amazon.

That's 7000 miles away.

Well, you know, crocodiles,
alligators, jungle runt?

You did say it's an archeological
expedition, right?

Which archeologically speaking, means

there's gotta be an archeologist aboard.

In other words, these
people don't go around

looking for crocodiles,
alligators and jungle runt.

Eddie is eight years old.

Don't you know what they
do in these expeditions?

They dig for old bones and things.

Now, eight-year-old boys love to dig.

Have you ever looked at
your son's fingernails?

Now, it's a great idea.

Great timing.
When do they leave?

Eddie's grandfather is 78 years old.

But I can assure that the archeologist

and his staff are not.

Have you thought about how much time

Eddie would be away?

Have you thought of all that
Eddie's going to learn?

Norman! He is not gonna go on that trip.

Okay, then, what's the problem?

- Tell him.
- That is the problem.

I told him, but his grandfather
has him convinced that

uh, I'm gonna somehow change my mind.

I'll let him go.

Hmm. I got it.

Why don't you give me a leave
of absence, I'll go along

and I'll watch out for Eddie.
Now, what's your other problem?

You don't seriously think I'm
gonna let him go on that trip?

Why not?
It's a great adventure.

And how many of those can he share

with his only grandfather?

Have you been talking
to his grandfather?

No, but I wish I had.
He sounds like a terrific guy.

He's figured out a beautiful thing.

Life is not the conclusion.

Life is the road.

Norman, that's not the kind of
help I'd hoped to find here.

♪♪

- Ah, Eddie.
- Yeah, dad.

You, uh, would you mind coming
out here for a second?

Oh, okay.

- Sport, I, uh...
- Hmm?

Well, I-I think you and I
should have a serious talk.

Oh, about the trip?

Yeah.

Yeah, about the trip, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Um, well, Eddie, I, uh...

I hate to say this

but I have to tell you
that you can't go.

Dad, don't you understand

that there's a special
sort of relationship

between a grandfather and his grandson?

Oh.

What is that special relationship?

Well, you see, we have a common enemy.

- Who is the common enemy?
- The parent.

But it doesn't mean
that I don't love you.

Oh, you mean, as it is
written, love thy enemy?

Right.
But we're still best friends.

Even though we are enemies.

And I'll send you a
postcard every single day.

Eddie, you are not going
to make that trip.

- Okay, dad.
- No, no.

When you say okay to me, mean it.

The only way you're gonna get me
to believe that I'm not going

to go up the Amazon is
for grandpa to tell me.

Oh. Because he's older
and wiser, is that it?

Right.

Now, where is your grandfather?

I don't know. he said he had a
few important errands to run.

Where are you going?

Well, I'm gonna go in my room

and I'm gonna start practicing
taking cold baths.

Grandpa says there's not
gonna be much hot water

where we're headed for.

Mr. Eddie's father, would some
nice tea make you feel better?

No.

This requires more than tea.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello?
- Hi, pal.

Having any problem solving lately?

Oh, no, Wallace.

I feel like I'm lost
somewhere in Wonderland.

- It's really wild.
- Hey, listen.

I'm going to gym for a workout.
Why don't you meet me?

Your tensions are worse than mine are.

When did you get yourself
a television telephone?

Meet you at the gym in 15 minutes.

No, I, uh...

I-I think I better stick around here.

Well, you really are getting wacked out.

They're not going up the
Amazon for at least an hour.

Where's my grandson?

Eddie? Eddie.

♪♪

Here I am, grandpa...

We're going, we're going, we're
really going up the Amazon.

Oh, grandpa, you know who my
best friend is next to my dad?

- Who?
- You are.

Muah.

Let's put it this way, Tom.

If the trip was as dangerous
as you say it is

do you think the United
Stated Government

would issue passports?

- That's it!
- What's it?

- The solution!
- Hey, Tom.

Why don't you try this exercise bike?

It'll relax your brain.

No, no, really, listen,
I have the answer.

I know how to make it impossible

for Harry to take Eddie on that trip.

- Terrific, how?
- They'll have to admit it, too.

Alright, now, look, in
order to get a passport

what do you have to have?

A birth certificate.

- Or it's equivalent, right.
- Uh-huh, that's right, okay.

Well, Eddie's not gonna
get that passport

'cause I'm not gonna give Harry
that birth certificate.

- Ha! Ha!
- Ha-ha.

Oh, that's a load off my mind.

But, Tom... Tom, buddy,
you're my pal, uh...

[chuckling] There's something
I've got to tell you.

There's a place downtown at City Hall

called the Hall of Records.

What does it have to do with anything?

Harry can very easily get a copy

of Eddie's birth certificate there.

Eddie is not gonna go on
that trip, now, I mean it.

I'm not gonna be defeated by any

seventy eight year old man
who says that he is.

Nah, you let him have it, baby.

I will, but where?

Hey, Tom, I think you just
clued me into a solution.

- Yeah?
- You know, as I see it.

There's been an awful lot of talk

about this trip, and very little action.

- What kind of action?
- Oh, your normal kind.

Passports, for one.

Then there's airline tickets.

And there's reservations.

Inoculations.

Vaccinations.

Norman, are you suggesting

that this whole trip may be just talk?

I'm just suggesting that I
haven't seen any action.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Hey, suppositions, I come up with.

Explanations is your department.

Yeah, if indeed your
supposition is correct.

If indeed.

There is one fact, though.

Harry has dealt with all
the romance of the trip

but none of the practicalities.

I guess you'd be, uh, getting
your passports pretty soon.

Yes, we'll get our passports.

Come here, Eddie, let's look at this.

When are you gonna get them, Harry?

Pretty soon now, but we have to look

at this cooking gear, here, Eddie.

Grandpa, you know we can't
forget our airplane tickets.

[Harry] I'll take care of that.

Well, looks like that was a pretty fair

supposition you made.

Supposition is my specialty.

Facts are what flake me out.

- You know something, dad?
- What?

I really am glad that you now
believe that I and grandpa

are really gonna go up the Amazon.

Yes, I do.
I, uh, I really believe you.

Hey, grandpa, did you hear that?
He believes it.

I am glad he's got around to it.

I knew he'd come to his
senses, sooner or later.

Um, how soon do you plan on leaving?

Well, now, that's a pretty
tricky question, Tom.

Pretty tricky.

You see, sometimes, Tom, it's more fun

not to plan things too far in advance.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yes.

With stuff to Amazon,
that is impossible.

Oh?

Well, on account of
the, uh, the monsoons.

- Monsoon?
- Monsoons, yes.

[Eddie] What are monsoons, grandpa?

Oh, they're high winds
that blow in wet weather.

Harry, I thought the monsoon
season was fairly predictable.

Well, you must be thinking
of other places, Tom.

Uh, with up the Amazon,
you can't predict them.

But then how do you know
when to make an expedition?

You wait till the monsoon's
over and then you go.

How long do they last, Harry?

Well, sometimes long, sometimes short.

I assume though that there's one
going on there, right now.

Oh, there's a big wind
blowing down there, now.

It's one awful mess.

If the monsoons are
really blowing bad now

how do we know when to leave?

[Harry] Don't worry about that,
Eddie, I've got connections

down there with the weather man.

And he'll let me know when it clears up.

- And then we can go?
- Yes, Eddie, then you can go.

Just as soon as the monsoon is over.

Hey, neato, I'm gonna go
call Billy Gerber right now

and tell him that it's all set now.

♪♪

[sighs]

I didn't know that it took so long

for a young fella to get put to bed.

Oh, yes, Harry, yes, uh...

Well, bedtime is straightening-out time.

You know, father and son stuff?

But he'll be out to say good night

as soon as he finishes
brushing his teeth.

Hmm, I think it's high time

you and I had a little
straightening-out.

Oh.

Nobody's really going up the Amazon.

Oh...

Why did you do it, Harry?

I knew all along that little trip

with Eddie was only a dream to play at.

I knew that I could, uh, keep
on playin' it to the...

...the end.

Without a doubt.

Without hurtin' anybody.

I knew Eddie'd have a great
time with all that equipment.

Yes. Yeah, he, he...

He can have a lot of fun
with that, for a long time.

The way young lives have a way of

filling up with other things to do, uh

I don't think Eddie would be upset about

that monsoon

never ending.

- Dad?
- Yeah?

[Eddie] What's a friend?

[Tom] Oh, a friend is someone
who knows all about you.

And likes you, anyway.

[Eddie] Then, I don't understand
Billy Gerber's mother.

[Tom] Why, what'd she do?

[Eddie] When Billy got home
from school yesterday

she asked him if he had been a good boy.

[Tom] Yeah, so?

[Eddie] Well, if he was a bad boy

he wouldn't tell her, would he?

[Tom] Well, you'd tell me if you
were good or bad, wouldn't you?

[Eddie] Well...

When I become a father,
I'm going to know

all the right things to
do for my little kid.

[Tom] Oh? How're you
gonna do that, Eddie?

[Eddie] I'm gonna remember all
the neat stuff you do for me.

♪ People let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person
who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down
my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you
'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether
we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether
we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪