Original subtitles

- Dad? - Ah-huh?

[Eddie] Can only God make a tree?

[Tom] Only God can make a tree.

[Eddie] What about the rivers and the mountains and the lakes?

[Tom] Those, too.

And man, too.

[Eddie] What about chickens and ducks and things that go quack?

[Tom] What, what about them?

[Eddie] Well, who makes their feathers?

[Tom] Their feathers? Well, they come with them, Eddie.

[Eddie] I'd never hurt a feather, because they're fun to stick

in your hair and play Indian with.

[chanting]

[Tom] Where are we going, Great Chief?

[Eddie] You Great Chief. Me, just Little Brave.

- Little Brave? - Yeah.

I don't know where we are.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

Well, I've-I've tried every other airline

with a flight in from Utah.

Would you mind just checking again, please?

Harry I. Madison, Salt Lake City.

- Dad, dad, tell him he's old. - Yeah.

- And we're really worried. - Uh, yeah, alright, Eddie.

Just, just, just one second, please.

W-what?

Oh, I see. Well, thank you very much for trying.

Mm-hmm. Bye-bye.

Well, I guess all we can do is, wait.

Oh, what did the telegram from Eddie's grandfather say?

Well, nothing, really, except that he would be arriving today.

- Oh. - Mm-hmm.

It's been a long time since I've seen grandpa.

- You remember him, Eddie? - Sure.

Last time he came, I think he brought me a big red wagon.

Oh, isn't it nice to be remembered?

It was a big wagon

with an extension ladder that really worked.

And lots of firemen on it, but no siren.

Yeah, I remember Grandpa really good.

Oh, there he is.

Well, I'll get it, Mrs. Livingstone.

Okay.

- Grandpa! - Harry!

[chuckles] Hello, Tom.

Oh, how are you, my boy Eddie?

I'm fine, grandpa.

Harry, I'd like to introduce my housekeeper, Mrs. Livingstone.

Mr. Madison.

Come on then, please.

Well, tell me, how did you get here?

Well, I drove.

Drove? All the way from Salt Lake City?

Yep. I bought me a nice neat little sport car.

And it handled just fine.

Is that the present you brought me this time, grandpa?

Hey, you, we're not supposed to ask grandfathers

about the presents, right?

But that's what grandpas are for.

Really? Where did you hear that?

- From him. - That's right.

That's what grandfathers are for.

Wait till you hear what I have for you this time.

It's a horse!

Yes, it is a horse, and it's probably hidin' in the elevator.

I'm gonna go out and look for it.

Ah, now, now. Hold it, hold it, hold it.

But I know it's a horse. And it's probably hungry.

- And I'm gonna go feed him. - Mm-hmm.

Before I tell you, I've got to talk about it with your father.

Oh, well, in that case, uh...

Eddie, what's your favorite food?

A steak.

Well, why don't you go and ask Mrs. Livingstone

to fix you a steak? You, uh...

You do understand, don't you?

[Eddie] Sure. You two guys gotta talk.

That's right.

[chuckling]

[sighs]

And I guarantee he's never had

a present like this before.

Harry, you don't really have a horse in the elevator, do you?

Well, how are you, Tom?

To tell the truth, Harry, I am fine. How are you?

I am fit as a fiddle. I can take you on for ten rounds anytime.

No, I'd lose. Now, what about this present, Freddie?

Hey!

What a magnificent view.

- Harry... - Hmm?

The present?

Okay, huh, the present.

Well, there's a place I've been wanting to go

ever since I was just a little pup.

Now, I want to go and take my only grandson.

Oh, a trip. Well, that's a, uh... Where?

Well, I haven't exactly made the reservations yet

but, but you'll just love the idea, Tom.

Oh, yeah, well, where do you wanna take him?

I have this old friend.

Now, he knows all about my grandson.

He's an archeologist.

And he has the canoes, and the camping gear.

And all ready for this expedition.

Canoes, gear, expedition?

Where are you gonna go?

Well, there's nothing to worry about, you know.

Eddie will just love it, it will be a great adventure.

How great an adventure?

I don't want you to think it's some idea of a crazy old man.

There's nothing dangerous about it.

Harry, I just wanna know where you're going.

Just to show you how safe it is

we're not even leaving this continent.

Continent? Harry, where're you going?

Just, uh, up the Amazon.

But why can't you tell me what the present is?

Because, there are some things about it

that are not worked out yet.

What things?

Well, we'll talk about it tomorrow, hmm?

You mean maybe I won't get it at all?

No, I mean, maybe we'll talk about it tomorrow.

Okay, then, I'm gonna go right to bed and sleep fast

so it will be tomorrow real soon.

Okay.

♪ Tum pa-da-daa ♪♪

Harry, no trip up the Amazon.

Give me one good reason.

Well, it's too dangerous, he's too young, it's too far

and he'll be away from his normal family life for too long.

You're not above listening to some reasons

on the other side, are you?

[chuckling]

No, Harry, I am not above, uh, listening.

He's my only grandson.

He's what still lives of my daughter.

Yes, I know the feeling, Harry.

Eva still lives in my life.

He'll never forget this trip.

He'll always remember me because of it.

That's my... immortality.

Well, Harry, those are very pretty words.

Now, where did you hear them, from a pulpit somewhere?

No, I made 'em up myself.

They stand up a lot better than those

pittin' reason of yours, won't they?

- Yes, I suppose they will. - Good.

I hate to pull rank on you, Harry, but I am Eddie's father.

And I am responsible for him.

But I'll tell you what, look.

Why don't you go out tomorrow, get him a fire engine

with a siren on it that really works?

- Now, he'd love that. - But, Tom--

No trip up the Amazon.

"No trip up the Amazon."

A fire engine with a real siren.

That works.

Hm.

[sighs]

- Umh. One word of caution. - What's that?

I don't think you should even mention this trip to Eddie.

Not even that I wanted to give it to him?

No. Not even that.

Why?

Uh, Harry, um, y-you don't know Eddie as well as I do.

Once he's turned on to something

it's impossible to say no.

It's the same way with my daughter.

Yeah. So, no telling him.

- Okay? - Agreed.

I've got to hand it to you, Tom.

You sure know how to frustrate a grandfather.

Thank you very much, Harry.

♪♪

[Eddie] Dad, I and grandpa are goin' up the Amazon.

Did you hear that, sport, up the Amazon

with canoes and spears and everything!

That's grandpa's present.

Eddie, your grandfather told you that?

Uh-huh, and it's even better than a horse.

Except for I still want one when I come back.

No, no, wait a minute. Eddie.

[sighs] Eddie, you are not going up the Amazon.

Grandpa said that you'd say that.

- Oh, he did, did he? - Mm-hmm.

- Know why? - No, why?

Well, he knows best because he's older than you are.

Oh, that's why.

- Mm-hmm. - I see.

I see.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe him.

See, you're older than me so you know best.

But grandpa's older than you so he knows best.

I see. Well, I guess I can guess who told you that. Hm?

- Mm-hmm, grandpa. - Yeah, that's what I thought.

Now, he said that you, uh, you're going up the Amazon?

- Yep. - Okay.

Where is he?

He's in the kitchen making Hobo coffee.

[whistling]

- Harry. - Hmm?

- Why did you do it? - Do what?

- Tell Eddie about the trip. - Oh, that.

Oh, I knew once you had a chance to sleep on it

that you would agree with me.

Here, have some coffee.

I, uh, Tom, you're not annoyed with me or something, are you?

No, I'm not annoyed or something.

I'm livid.

And, Harry, I thought we had this all out last night.

And you agreed you weren't gonna tell Eddie about the trip.

What did you do this morning? Right away.

Pfft. Went against your promise.

Ah, it's still pretty early in the morning, Tom.

Why don't you go back onto bed?

[chuckling] And you'll, you'll agree with me later on.

No amount of sleep is going to make me

change my mind. May I borrow your spoon?

Well, you sound pretty definite about all this.

Good, Harry. I'm glad you're finally hearing me.

Now, Eddie is gonna be in here in a second.

And I want you to tell him the trip is off.

Why should I be the one to break that boy's heart

when you're the one who says he can't go?

No, I want you to tell him, Harry, because

he'll accept it better from you.

- Why? - It's your idea.

[sighs]

What sort of an excuse can I give him?

It is your crazy trip, so you make up some crazy excuse.

But make sure that it sounds logical.

Oh, Harry, you know, you really have a knack

for driving sound people wacky.

That's what my wife always says about me.

Yeah, she's off on one of her cruises now

with her lady friend.

Says she finds it very restful

and absolutely necessary at times--

Harry, I don't wanna talk about ladies' cruises

I wanna talk about your cruise up the Amazon.

- Hi. - Hi, grandpa.

How's the Hobo coffee coming?

Well, it's the best Hobo coffee I've ever made.

- Could I have some, please? - Hmm.

Oh, Eddie, you know you're not allowed to, uh, drink coffee.

When you put plenty of milk in it, it won't hurt him at all.

Well, dad, maybe we ought to get Mrs. Livingstone

to start to make Hobo coffee just like grandpa makes.

Mm-hmm. Well, we'll, uh, we'll talk about the coffee later.

But, right now, your grandfather has something

he'd like to tell you.

What, grandpa?

Well, Eddie, you know, I've been doing some thinking.

About what?

I've been thinking about our little trip

up the Amazon.

- Yes, grandpa? - Well, I have been thinking...

I have been thinking that in order to prepare

for our trip up the Amazon

that first we should go to the zoo.

♪♪

I would be happy to fix more bacon

if you like, Mr. Eddie's father.

Hmm. No.

No, no, thank you, Mrs. Livingstone.

Well, I know you're upset about the trip.

Has Eddie's grandfather said when he plans to do it?

No. No, he hasn't gotten around to the "when," yet.

It is possible he does not plan to go for several years.

Well, with that stubborn old man anything is possible

if he sets his mind to it.

Then forgive me, but I do not understand

why you do not tell Eddie that he cannot go.

- I told him. - You did?

Yes, he didn't believe me.

But how could he not believe his father?

Because his grandfather has him convinced that he knows more

because he's older.

Oh, I see.

But the old can be wily as well as wise.

Yes, to show you how wily he is

I have not yet been able to convince him

to tell Eddie that the trip is off.

Oh, I am sorry you have such a problem that...

...there seems to be no solution.

- Okay, doctor is in. - Oh, okay, doctor.

Well, ahem, I have a problem

with Eddie's wacky grandfather

and I need a whack to help me solve it.

- The whack is in. - Okay.

He, uh...

He has Eddie convinced that they're gonna go

on an archeological expedition.

- Terrific. - Up the Amazon.

- Terrific. - Norman, I said up the Amazon.

That's 7000 miles away.

Well, you know, crocodiles, alligators, jungle runt?

You did say it's an archeological expedition, right?

Which archeologically speaking, means

there's gotta be an archeologist aboard.

In other words, these people don't go around

looking for crocodiles, alligators and jungle runt.

Eddie is eight years old.

Don't you know what they do in these expeditions?

They dig for old bones and things.

Now, eight-year-old boys love to dig.

Have you ever looked at your son's fingernails?

Now, it's a great idea.

Great timing. When do they leave?

Eddie's grandfather is 78 years old.

But I can assure that the archeologist

and his staff are not.

Have you thought about how much time

Eddie would be away?

Have you thought of all that Eddie's going to learn?

Norman! He is not gonna go on that trip.

Okay, then, what's the problem?

- Tell him. - That is the problem.

I told him, but his grandfather has him convinced that

uh, I'm gonna somehow change my mind.

I'll let him go.

Hmm. I got it.

Why don't you give me a leave of absence, I'll go along

and I'll watch out for Eddie. Now, what's your other problem?

You don't seriously think I'm gonna let him go on that trip?

Why not? It's a great adventure.

And how many of those can he share

with his only grandfather?

Have you been talking to his grandfather?

No, but I wish I had. He sounds like a terrific guy.

He's figured out a beautiful thing.

Life is not the conclusion.

Life is the road.

Norman, that's not the kind of help I'd hoped to find here.

♪♪

- Ah, Eddie. - Yeah, dad.

You, uh, would you mind coming out here for a second?

Oh, okay.

- Sport, I, uh... - Hmm?

Well, I-I think you and I should have a serious talk.

Oh, about the trip?

Yeah.

Yeah, about the trip, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Um, well, Eddie, I, uh...

I hate to say this

but I have to tell you that you can't go.

Dad, don't you understand

that there's a special sort of relationship

between a grandfather and his grandson?

Oh.

What is that special relationship?

Well, you see, we have a common enemy.

- Who is the common enemy? - The parent.

But it doesn't mean that I don't love you.

Oh, you mean, as it is written, love thy enemy?

Right. But we're still best friends.

Even though we are enemies.

And I'll send you a postcard every single day.

Eddie, you are not going to make that trip.

- Okay, dad. - No, no.

When you say okay to me, mean it.

The only way you're gonna get me to believe that I'm not going

to go up the Amazon is for grandpa to tell me.

Oh. Because he's older and wiser, is that it?

Right.

Now, where is your grandfather?

I don't know. he said he had a few important errands to run.

Where are you going?

Well, I'm gonna go in my room

and I'm gonna start practicing taking cold baths.

Grandpa says there's not gonna be much hot water

where we're headed for.

Mr. Eddie's father, would some nice tea make you feel better?

No.

This requires more than tea.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello? - Hi, pal.

Having any problem solving lately?

Oh, no, Wallace.

I feel like I'm lost somewhere in Wonderland.

- It's really wild. - Hey, listen.

I'm going to gym for a workout. Why don't you meet me?

Your tensions are worse than mine are.

When did you get yourself a television telephone?

Meet you at the gym in 15 minutes.

No, I, uh...

I-I think I better stick around here.

Well, you really are getting wacked out.

They're not going up the Amazon for at least an hour.

Where's my grandson?

Eddie? Eddie.

♪♪

Here I am, grandpa...

We're going, we're going, we're really going up the Amazon.

Oh, grandpa, you know who my best friend is next to my dad?

- Who? - You are.

Muah.

Let's put it this way, Tom.

If the trip was as dangerous as you say it is

do you think the United Stated Government

would issue passports?

- That's it! - What's it?

- The solution! - Hey, Tom.

Why don't you try this exercise bike?

It'll relax your brain.

No, no, really, listen, I have the answer.

I know how to make it impossible

for Harry to take Eddie on that trip.

- Terrific, how? - They'll have to admit it, too.

Alright, now, look, in order to get a passport

what do you have to have?

A birth certificate.

- Or it's equivalent, right. - Uh-huh, that's right, okay.

Well, Eddie's not gonna get that passport

'cause I'm not gonna give Harry that birth certificate.

- Ha! Ha! - Ha-ha.

Oh, that's a load off my mind.

But, Tom... Tom, buddy, you're my pal, uh...

[chuckling] There's something I've got to tell you.

There's a place downtown at City Hall

called the Hall of Records.

What does it have to do with anything?

Harry can very easily get a copy

of Eddie's birth certificate there.

Eddie is not gonna go on that trip, now, I mean it.

I'm not gonna be defeated by any

seventy eight year old man who says that he is.

Nah, you let him have it, baby.

I will, but where?

Hey, Tom, I think you just clued me into a solution.

- Yeah? - You know, as I see it.

There's been an awful lot of talk

about this trip, and very little action.

- What kind of action? - Oh, your normal kind.

Passports, for one.

Then there's airline tickets.

And there's reservations.

Inoculations.

Vaccinations.

Norman, are you suggesting

that this whole trip may be just talk?

I'm just suggesting that I haven't seen any action.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Hey, suppositions, I come up with.

Explanations is your department.

Yeah, if indeed your supposition is correct.

If indeed.

There is one fact, though.

Harry has dealt with all the romance of the trip

but none of the practicalities.

I guess you'd be, uh, getting your passports pretty soon.

Yes, we'll get our passports.

Come here, Eddie, let's look at this.

When are you gonna get them, Harry?

Pretty soon now, but we have to look

at this cooking gear, here, Eddie.

Grandpa, you know we can't forget our airplane tickets.

[Harry] I'll take care of that.

Well, looks like that was a pretty fair

supposition you made.

Supposition is my specialty.

Facts are what flake me out.

- You know something, dad? - What?

I really am glad that you now believe that I and grandpa

are really gonna go up the Amazon.

Yes, I do. I, uh, I really believe you.

Hey, grandpa, did you hear that? He believes it.

I am glad he's got around to it.

I knew he'd come to his senses, sooner or later.

Um, how soon do you plan on leaving?

Well, now, that's a pretty tricky question, Tom.

Pretty tricky.

You see, sometimes, Tom, it's more fun

not to plan things too far in advance.

- Oh, yeah. - Yes.

With stuff to Amazon, that is impossible.

Oh?

Well, on account of the, uh, the monsoons.

- Monsoon? - Monsoons, yes.

[Eddie] What are monsoons, grandpa?

Oh, they're high winds that blow in wet weather.

Harry, I thought the monsoon season was fairly predictable.

Well, you must be thinking of other places, Tom.

Uh, with up the Amazon, you can't predict them.

But then how do you know when to make an expedition?

You wait till the monsoon's over and then you go.

How long do they last, Harry?

Well, sometimes long, sometimes short.

I assume though that there's one going on there, right now.

Oh, there's a big wind blowing down there, now.

It's one awful mess.

If the monsoons are really blowing bad now

how do we know when to leave?

[Harry] Don't worry about that, Eddie, I've got connections

down there with the weather man.

And he'll let me know when it clears up.

- And then we can go? - Yes, Eddie, then you can go.

Just as soon as the monsoon is over.

Hey, neato, I'm gonna go call Billy Gerber right now

and tell him that it's all set now.

♪♪

[sighs]

I didn't know that it took so long

for a young fella to get put to bed.

Oh, yes, Harry, yes, uh...

Well, bedtime is straightening-out time.

You know, father and son stuff?

But he'll be out to say good night

as soon as he finishes brushing his teeth.

Hmm, I think it's high time

you and I had a little straightening-out.

Oh.

Nobody's really going up the Amazon.

Oh...

Why did you do it, Harry?

I knew all along that little trip

with Eddie was only a dream to play at.

I knew that I could, uh, keep on playin' it to the...

...the end.

Without a doubt.

Without hurtin' anybody.

I knew Eddie'd have a great time with all that equipment.

Yes. Yeah, he, he...

He can have a lot of fun with that, for a long time.

The way young lives have a way of

filling up with other things to do, uh

I don't think Eddie would be upset about

that monsoon

never ending.

- Dad? - Yeah?

[Eddie] What's a friend?

[Tom] Oh, a friend is someone who knows all about you.

And likes you, anyway.

[Eddie] Then, I don't understand Billy Gerber's mother.

[Tom] Why, what'd she do?

[Eddie] When Billy got home from school yesterday

she asked him if he had been a good boy.

[Tom] Yeah, so?

[Eddie] Well, if he was a bad boy

he wouldn't tell her, would he?

[Tom] Well, you'd tell me if you were good or bad, wouldn't you?

[Eddie] Well...

When I become a father, I'm going to know

all the right things to do for my little kid.

[Tom] Oh? How're you gonna do that, Eddie?

[Eddie] I'm gonna remember all the neat stuff you do for me.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪