Original subtitles

[Eddie] God made all this in seven days?

[Tom] No, Eddie, no. He made it in six days.

On the seventh day, He rested.

[Eddie] He deserved it. He did a terrific job.

[Tom] Um-hmm. Yeah, he did, Eddie.

[Eddie] God must be neato.

[Tom] Oh! You can say that, Eddie.

[Eddie] Super neato.

[Tom] You can say that too.

[Eddie] Why do people go to different churches?

[Tom] Well, because they believe in different ways, Eddie.

[Eddie] But we're all the same, aren't we?

[Tom] Well, yes. We all believe in the same things.

But in different ways.

[Eddie] Yeah. He's super neato, alright.

[Tom] Oh, how do you figure that, sport?

[Eddie] Well, I mean to take care

of all those different people

with all of our different ways.

[Tom] Well, you're getting very thoughtful

for an eight-year-old boy, Eddie.

[Eddie] Well, that's 'cause I'm trying

to commune with nature.

[Tom] Oh, I see.

Oh, you're a good soul, Eddie.

[Eddie] You're pretty neato yourself, dad.

[Tom] Well, thank you.

[Eddie] Anytime, champ.

[Tom] I love you, Eddie.

[Eddie] I know. That's God.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

- Eddie. - Hmm?

Did you finish your science notebook?

No.

Why?

'Cause I'm worrying.

What about?

Dad's lawsuit.

It is very small lawsuit

and he has a good lawyer on the magazine.

But if he doesn't, maybe he'll have to go to jail.

Now, your father told you that was not possible.

Well, maybe he just told it to me, so I wouldn't worry.

- Eddie, homework! - Okay.

Look, Mrs. Livingston, I've been having too much homework lately.

Oh, Eddie, your father told you if you don't finish

you cannot go to the Japanese fair with me tomorrow.

Hello, everybody!

[Eddie] Dad!

Alley, hey, up!

- Did you win? - Yes! We won.

[Norman] Well, Norman, how about a drink?

Boy, I thought I'd never ask.

Okay, I'll make myself a drink

What about you, Tommy? You wanna drink? Sure you do.

I mean, we just gotta figure something to drink to. I know.

We drink to the young man who saw his picture in our magazine.

Thought it looked like him.

Dragged us in to a courtroom

and made us waste the whole day.

I think that's what we drink to.

Yes, but one thing must be considered.

We did win the case, and since we won the case

why don't we drink to the noble body of the law?

I'll drink to that. To the noble body of the law.

What's the noble body of the law?

Well, that would be all the laws that were ever written.

How come they're noble?

Well, because they assume that man is an animal

that is governed by reason.

That's a false presumption

especially, when you consider

how much certain lawyers charge today

to go into a very small civil suit.

♪♪

[Norman] I know enough about law.

The only thing I do is, lack the necessary credentials.

Yeah. I should've been a lawyer.

Missed the train of life.

Norman blew his chu-chu.

- Dad. Guess what? - Hm?

[Eddie] I just got one of my great neato ideas.

Oh, you did, huh? Well, I guess we'll have to listen to that.

- Won't we? - Um-hmm.

Guess what I want to be when I grow up?

- I haven't the vaguest idea. - Just try and guess.

Well, I could try. Uh, you want to be a mountain climber.

- No. - Uh, okay.

You wanna be a Fire Chief?

Nope. I'm going to be a your own private professional lawyer.

And I won't charge you anything.

Uh, oh, well. Oh, no. W-we'd have to, uh...

W-we'd have to pay you something.

- Yeah, something. - Why?

Well, it wouldn't be fair not to pay you

if you're gonna be my own

personal private professional lawyer.

Well, okay. You can pay me something.

Oh, that's good. Thank you very much.

- Thank you, counsellor. - Okay.

- Hey, Uncle Norman. - Yeah.

How long does it take to be a lawyer?

[chuckles] Much longer than I had patience for, Eddie.

Let's see, it's four years of college

then after that, three years at law school

and before that, you have to finish high school.

Boy, could dad get in trouble before that?

- Yeah. - You're right.

But your Uncle Norman to the rescue.

Tell you what I'm gonna do right here

in your father's own library.

I'm about to give to you

your very own special law book

to start your first law library.

Gee, thanks, Uncle Norman.

"Your Home Legal Advisor." Neato.

I think I'll go in my room right now and study.

[Norman] Good boy.

Excuse me, Mr. Eddie's father.

Yes, Mrs. Livingston.

Eddie should be doing his science notebook.

What? You haven't finished that yet?

Nope.

If he doesn't you have said

he cannot go to the Japanese fair with me tomorrow.

Yes, I did say it.

And, Eddie, I meant it.

Now, listen, I would highly recommend

that you go in your room

finish the notebook before you begin a legal career.

Now, come on, hop to it.

♪♪

Dad...

Eddie, I mean it.

Don't you worry about it, Mrs. Livingston.

I'll see that he gets it done.

Thank you.

I want tomorrow off anyway.

I think there's something she's not telling you.

What makes you think so?

Don't blab it around town

but I'm half inscrutable.

[Norman] You know, this was a pretty good issue we turned out.

[Tom] I agree with you. I like it myself this time.

[Norman] Mm-hmm, and New York loved it.

[Tom] Yeah, I hope so. Look at this. Look at this color.

Now that-that kind of reproduction, that's what we

should be shooting for all the time.

- I get it. - Um.

- Dad. - Yes, sir.

Which do you like best?

My new rock or my rocket?

Pretty tough choice.

- Well, which one? - Your rock.

- The rock, okay. - Um-hmm.

[Eddie] How about you, Uncle Norman

which would you pick?

My new rock or my rocket?

Both.

- Dad. - Yeah.

If you could have anything I owned, which would you pick?

Oh, I don't know, uh...

- Your aquarium. - My aquarium?

- Um-hmm. - Okay.

How about you, Uncle Norman?

Your father just picked it.

You mean, you're choosing my aquarium too?

Sure. It's a lot of fun.

Watching Stu and Edwina chase around after Chet and David

and Mandy and Blake and Darren and Jimmy.

It's groovy.

- Dad. - Yes.

Are you sure you wouldn't want my bike

instead of my stupid old aquarium?

[Tom] No. No.

No. I like the aquarium. I like it a lot.

That is not a stupid old aquarium.

And why are you asking me all these questions?

No reason, I'm just messing around.

Just messing around?

Why don't you consider just messing around

with your science notebook?

♪♪

- Mrs. Livingston? - Yes.

If you could have anything I owned, what would you pick?

Your aquarium.

How come everybody's choosing my aquarium?

I like it because when I look at it

I see beautiful things.

Beautiful things that are alive.

Oh.

Eh, Eddie, dinner is almost ready.

Okay, I'll go wash my hands.

Wash your rock too.

Uh, Mrs. Livingston, Mrs. Livingston...

Do you have the vaguest idea what he's up to?

- I got it. - What?

Maybe one of us is having a birthday.

Uh, no. Oh! I got it.

I'll bet you, he's preparing his Christmas list now.

Yeah.

Maybe he just wants to know

which of his possessions we like the best.

♪♪

Hi, sport.

Hi, dad.

[Eddie] Dad.

Is there anything in this whole toy chest that you like?

I like everything.

I mean, that you'd like to have. Is there anything there?

♪♪

Eddie...

I know, dad. You don't have to say it.

It's all dumb kid's stuff.

Eddie, I don't know why you're asking me

all these questions about your things.

But I do know that you're in big trouble with this notebook.

Yeah.

The assignment is ten pages.

Eddie, you've only done four.

But, dad...

I don't see how I'm gonna get it done by tonight

so is it okay if I finish it on Sunday?

Not okay.

But, dad, I don't see how I'm gonna get it done by tonight.

Then I guess I'll have to tell Mrs. Livingston

you will not be joining her at the Japanese fair tomorrow.

But, dad...

[Tom] Eddie, a deal is a deal.

Now, if you don't finish this assignment

as you said you would, and I still let you go to the fair...

...then I'll be going against my own word.

Now, I would suggest that you see how much of this assignment

you can accomplish tonight.

Oh, dad...

Now, that's enough.

♪♪

[sighs]

Mrs. Livingston...

...I know that you're planning

on taking Eddie to the fair tomorrow

but I'm afraid that...

He did not finish his science note?

[sighs] No.

No, he did not, and the way it's going

I'm just afraid he's not going to.

Oh.

Well, goodnight.

[Tom] Yes, I-I-I, I know how you were looking forward to it.

But there will be other fairs.

I hated to do it, as you know

but he's been getting so unruly lately and...

I don't know, I just...

I feel now that discipline is so important.

I do understand.

Now, I just don't mean the discipline of the child...

...but also of the discipline of myself, as a parent.

It's, uh, little different when you're a parent.

I know.

I know it very well.

I was a parent.

♪♪

Mrs. Livingston, you never said anything.

I'm sorry.

I never told you because...

...I was afraid you might feel uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable?

That's why I never told you about my husband.

I lost my husband...

...in a car accident

and I lost my son with him.

Oh.

Oh. Oh. How-how old would your son have been?

He would have been eight years old tomorrow.

I'm so sorry.

Oh! Please, don't because...

...I think of them all the time.

So, I feel they're with me.

And I'm very happy here because

I have wonderful friends.

Thank you.

Now, that I have told you, I do feel better.

- Goodnight. - Yes, goodnight.

♪♪

Hi, sport.

Hi, sport.

♪♪

- Uh, Eddie... - Yeah, dad.

Um...

Tsk. Uh, um...

- Is something the matter? - No! No, no.

I'm, I'm okay. How about you?

- I'm okay too. - Uh, well, that's good, good.

I'm glad we're both okay.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that-that brings me to a point, Eddie.

You know, there's a lot of people in the world

that aren't as okay as we are.

Yeah, I know.

You know?

You know what?

Well, I know that people aren't okay

when they don't have a place to sleep

or, or they don't have...

...or they don't have enough to eat.

Right. And-and what about people that don't have anyone to love?

Yeah.

Uh, Eddie, you know, you don't have to be related to somebody

to love them.

Heck, no.

Well, Mrs-Mrs. Livingston, for example now, uh

we're not related to her, but you love her, don't you?

Sure.

Well, she loves you too.

And you know something?

[Eddie] What?

I think that's why it's so important to her

to take you to that fair tomorrow.

♪♪

Dad...

...is it okay if I stay up past my bedtime

to get my notebook finished?

Well, I, uh...

I think we might be able to arrange that one time only.

- You know what, dad? - What?

I'm gonna finish this notebook if it takes me the whole night.

- Right. - Right.

Okay.

Get to it then.

♪♪

Eddie.

I love you.

- Mrs. Livingston. - Yes.

You look nice.

- Thank you. - You do, indeed.

You ought to wear your hair that way more often.

But I always wear my hair this way.

It looks lovely.

[knock on door]

That's Uncle Norman.

♪♪

Hi, Eddie. Well, here I am in your hour of need.

"In my hour of need?"

Well, I knew you were gonna be alone today

and I knew that people alone

have a tendency to be lonesome.

People need people.

I'm your playmate for today.

What's that?

A regular giant economy-sized chess set.

Hello, Mrs. Livingston, you look absolutely lovely.

You should wear your hair that way more often.

Norman, she always wears her hair that way.

- It looks lovely. - Thank you.

Eddie. Shall we go? We don't want to miss any of the fair.

Heck, no.

- Dad. - Yes?

I left something for you on my desk.

I think you should have it while I'm gone.

Oh, alright, well, listen. You have a good time.

- Okay? - Okay.

- Well, have a good time. - Alright.

♪♪

- Dad. - Hm?

Please don't read it, but it's very important.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Goodbye. - Bye, gang.

Very important.

[both] "Please don't read it?"

♪♪

Hey! He finished his science book work.

Yeah, well, he fudged a little bit. See, last two pages.

All pictures, but the poor little guy

he stayed up so late last night trying to get it done.

Stayed up late? What happened to Tom the disciplinarian?

- I'm flexible. - Flexible?

Hey, this must be what he was talking about.

- What is it? - Oh, Norman.

What's the matter?

"The last will and testament of Edward Thomas Corbett."

Where did he ever get an idea to do something like that?

From me.

Remember, I gave him the law book.

He really listens to his Uncle Norman.

Uh, here, look. There it is.

Peanut butter and jelly smudges

right on the page about "Wills."

You know...

...there's a very fine moral issue involved here.

- Where? - Here with the will.

- What is it? - To read or not to read.

Oh, you got to read it. There's something you just have to know.

- What? - Who gets the aquarium?

- Oh, come on, Norman! - Don't yell at me.

If I get it, I'll let you play with it.

I don't know.

You are pre-law student, you went to law school.

I mean, alright, I have a question for you.

Legally, if I were to open this will...

...would that be an invasion of privacy?

I never finished law school.

- Oh. - Is it sealed?

Yeah.

Then legally we cannot sneak a peek.

♪♪

Check.

[Tom] Check.

En guard.

Check.

Check. Tom, where's your mind?

Oh, I don't know, Norman.

I'm trying to find some justification

for walking into Eddie's room...

...and opening up that will.

Just plain nosiness doesn't do it.

No, no, it doesn't.

No, neither does...

"I feel it's my duty, as your father

to find out what's going on in your head."

- That's a good one. - No, it's not good enough.

- Hey, I got it. - Hm?

- Just got it. - What? What? What?

- Don't keep it to yourself. - You said a will.

- Yes. - Will is a valuable document.

Oh, I like that so far, Norman.

And as such, there has to be a copy.

Right.

Ergo and to it notwithstanding it

it is your obligation to open the will.

Good! Good! Why?

So you can make a copy and keep it in your safe in the office.

Oh, Norman.

You should've been a lawyer.

Mate.

♪♪

"I, Edward Thomas Corbett, being of sound mind and body

"do hereby bequeath my earthly possessions

"to Billy Gerber, I leave my model race cars.

"To Neil and Myles Guttmacher

"my train with all the tracks.

"To Elsie from down the hall, my Robbie Robot

"on of account that she likes the way his eyes blink.

"To Emily Ruth Gusterson, my catcher's mitt

"and I'm leaving my aquarium to school

"so there won't be any fights over it.

"Now for the most important part.

"To Mrs. Livingston, I leave my father, Thomas Bailey Corbett

"and my Uncle Norman Tinker.

"To my Uncle Norman, I leave my father and Mrs. Livingston.

"And to my father

"I leave Mrs. Livingston and Uncle Norman.

"And that's so they'll always have each other to love

"and to take care of.

Signed and sealed, Edward Thomas Corbett."

[exhales]

That's my son.

♪♪

Ah, queen's pawn four to queen's pawn five.

- Pawn to king's pawn four. - En passant.

Mm...

And bishop to queen's knight seven.

Hmm.

Queen's bishop to knight's five.

Check.

Boy, am I glad you showed up. He's killing me.

- So tired. - Hey.

Hi, guy, did you have a good time?

- Oh, it was a perfect day. - Oh, good, good.

Come on.

♪♪

- Uh, Mrs-Mrs. Livingston? - Yes.

Would you mind, please, terribly doing me a favor?

Yes.

Would you put him to bed tonight?

- Of course. - Thank you.

Goodnight, little cowboy.

♪♪

[Eddie] I'd rather be a lawyer than a judge.

[Tom] Why?

[Eddie] 'Cause a judge has to wear a dress.

[Tom] No, Eddie, that's not a, that's not a dress.

[Tom] That's a robe, you see, and it's a sign of dignity.

Now, that I started to think about it

that's probably why judges never get invited.

[Eddie] Invited to what?

[Tom] Well, all those parties that those lawyers give.

[Eddie] What parties?

[Tom] Well, you know.

The party, the first part.

The party, the second part.

The party, the third part.

The party, the fourth part.

[Eddie laughing]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪