Original subtitles

[Eddie] Why do kids run away?

[Tom] Well, I don't know, Eddie. You tell me.

[Eddie] I thought you knew everything.

[Tom] Well, uh, Eddie, I'm grown-up

and after a while you forget. I'm not a kid anymore.

[Eddie] But you were once, weren't you?

[Tom] Yes, I was, but that was a long time ago.

[Eddie] Oh, gee.

If I ever run away from home

I'm gonna miss Uncle Norman and Billy Curberry

and Emily Ruth Gustafson and Mrs. Livingston

but not arithmetic.

[Tom] Mm-hmm.

You, uh, you think you'll be running away from home soon?

- No. - Well, how come?

[Eddie] Arithmetic won't last forever.

[Tom] Ah, but after arithmetic comes algebra.

[Eddie] Algebra?

[Tom] Uh-huh!

[Eddie] Gee, dad, if I run away from home

will you run away with me?

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whetherwe're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

[scatting]

Where do you think we ought to run away to?

- How about Mexico? - Why Mexico?

My Uncle Norman goes there a lot

and he says it's groovy.

Mexico is okay with me.

Is it okay if we don't run away till Friday after lunch?

- Are you stalling? - Heck, no.

It's just that Friday is the day

they have spaghetti in the school cafeteria

and it's my favorite.

Okay. Friday.

That'll give us time to get some supplies.

So far all we have is a loaf of bread, a bar of soap

and a jug of peanut butter.

You think your dad will miss you?

Oh, sure, he will, but he won't worry.

I'm gonna tell him where we're going.

Oh, boy, are you ever stupid!

What do you mean I'm stupid?

If you tell your old man you're gonna run away

he probably won't even let you out of the house

to go to school!

Why would he do that?

You know, sometimes I think

you don't know anything, Eddie Corbett.

Okay, then, you can run away by yourself.

Good, that's what I was gonna do in the first place

till you butted in.

But, Joey--

We don't have to hang around till Friday, either.

I'm gonna run away right this minute

right now, right this very minute!

But, Joey, you can't go alone.

Then you can't tell your old man we're going.

They never let you go if you tell 'em.

Okay.

- Promise? - I promise.

[both spitting]

♪♪

[intercom buzzing]

Yes?

Television set?

Oh. Of course. Send him in, please.

- Well, you got a television-- - Yes, I do.

The little troublemaker right there.

Okay.

Uh, excuse me, but, uh...

[chuckles] Yo-you, we-we, could we possibly

know each other?

I've just got one of those kind of faces.

Yeah. No, no, no. We've met somewhere before.

You ever shoot pool over at Sammy's?

- No. - Hm. Alright.

I could swear that, uh...

Wait a minute.

- No, we've met. - I told you, see?

Yeah, at the, we probably get our haircut at the same place.

You go to a mix in Santa Monica?

- Uh-uh, no. - Uh, hm.

- Well... - Wait.

You're Joey's father.

- Eddie's old man. - Yes, yes.

[mumbles] Who says it's not a small world, huh?

- Son of a gun! - Oh...

Man, I bet that's been a, a year

since they had us over at the school

to straighten out that fight with our kids, huh?

Well, listen, that fight didn't turn out too badly.

Joey's now one of Eddie's best friends.

Yeah. Well, the feeling's mutual, you know?

Yeah, she talks about him all the time.

Well, they're pretty happy kids, I guess

we're not too bad as one-parent parents.

Well, of course, the thing is I'm- I'm not gonna be

a one-parent parent much longer, you know?

- You're kidding. - No. You know what I did?

I went out and got myself engaged last week.

- How about that, huh? - Oh, well, well, that's...

- Congratulations. - Uh, I didn't hurt you, did I?

- I mean, with the, uh... - Oh, itch, itch. Yeah.

Yeah, her name's, uh, Sherry Dornick.

Yeah, she's, yeah, really something, too, you know?

- A blond, natural blonde. - Blonde.

Blue eyes, uh... Well, works, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm very happy for you.

Yeah. Well, I hope it happens to you real soon, too.

- Still shopping. - Yeah, right.

Yeah, well, your-your kid needs a mother

as much as mine, you know?

I mean, Joey is crazy about Sherry

really crazy about her.

♪♪

Joey, are you absolutely positive

that you want to run away?

- You bet I am. - Forever?

If my pop stopped being engaged

from that dumb Sherry, I might come home.

And I still don't see why I can't go alone.

It's because you're a girl.

Guys can run away, but girls can't.

Where'd you ever hear a stupid rule like that?

It's not a rule, it's just that who'd take care of you.

I take care of myself, that's who.

♪♪

- Mrs. Livingston. - Mr. Eddie's father.

[sighs]

- Eddie home yet? - Yes, in his room.

He was playing with Joey Kelly, but she went home.

Uh-huh, well, he's been seeing an awful lot

of that young ladylately?

- Yes. - Well, I'm glad.

She's a nice girl.

Mrs. Livingston, do you think by any chance

you could find those pistachios we had last week?

They would go perfectly with that martini I'm about to mix.

I think so.

♪Something's strange something's gone ♪

♪ Something tells me something's wrong ♪

♪ And all I know ♪

Thank you.

♪ Something'sgone♪♪

Is something wrong?

A loaf of bread is missing

and a bar of soap is missing

and now the jar of peanut butter.

You sure?

Yes, I made sandwich for Eddie's lunch.

Oh, I can understand a loaf of bread

a jug of wine and thou

but a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter

and a bar of soap?

♪♪

Hi, puppy, what are you doing here?

Oh, nothing. I just felt like dropping by.

Hey, be my guest, okay?

I don't wanna disturb you, pop.

No, you won't. How are things at school today?

- Fine. - Good.

Hey, let's see if you ate all your lunch.

♪♪

What are you doing with socks and PJs in your lunch box?

I don't know, I felt kinda goofy

and it's sort of a goofy thing to do.

Hm.

I know. Show and tell, right?

[chuckles] What a goofball.

I got to be going now, pop.

Already? You didn't stay very long.

Well, I'll see you at home, huh?

- Don't be late. - Well, I won't.

Oh, I'm fixing hotdogs, a can of beans and salad

for our supper.

Hey, sounds delicious.

And I'll wash the lettuce real good this time

so you don't get any of the sand in your teeth.

[chuckles] Perfect.

Mrs. Livingston, could I please have some more cookies?

- Hm. Two. - Two?

- Two. - Okay.

Mrs. Livingston, could I have some salami?

Salami with the cookies and milk?

Well, just a big hunk. You don't have to slice it.

Just a big hunk, please.

♪♪

[creaking]

This is my place.

Looks like a pretty good place. How long have you had it?

Couple of weeks, I guess.

You're the only one who knows about it, except for me.

[birds chirping]

It's not too good for standing up in

but there's plenty of room to sit.

What do you use it for?

Nothing special. It's just my place.

[birds chirping]

We can keep our supplies here.

Hey, what's the beer for?

I don't know. My pop drinks it on Saturdays.

It's one of his cans.

But we're too young to drink beer.

I know, I just want to have it with me. It's goofy.

Tomorrow you better remember to bring your toothbrush.

- And a red scarf. - What's a red scarf for?

In case if we have to scare off any wild bulls

in Mexico, stupid.

I guess we better make a list.

Let's see.

Red scarf, toothbrushes...

♪ What happened to the saucepan? ♪

♪ Where did it go? ♪♪

[sighs] Hi, Mrs. Livingston.

Mr. Eddie's father.

Well, I see you have your pots out.

Um, I'm looking for my saucepan.

- I keep it right here. - Mm-hmm.

- Did you take it to the office? - Me? No, no.

Must be Eddie.

Well, what conceivable reason would Eddie have

for taking your saucepan?

I mean, much less, the soap--

[Eddie] I'm home!

And the, uh, the bread. I think I'm gonna go ask the source.

"One question is worth a thousand speculations."

[chuckles]

Well, it's a Norman-Tinker proverb.

- Hey, sport. - Yeah, sport?

[sighs] Uh, Eddie, uh, listen, can we talk for a second?

- Ha. - Sure.

Um, well, listen, did you take some peanut butter

and some soap and, uh, uh

whatever that other thing was, oh, yeah, a-and a sauce pan?

Did you take some of that out of the kitchen?

I and you made a pact about not lying to each other.

- Right, dad? - Yeah, that's right.

And we also made a pact about

not invading each other's privacy.

Mm, mm. Yeah. Well, what are you driving at, Eddie?

I can't answer your question about the bread and the stuff.

- You can't? - No.

- Because of your privacy? - Right.

Well, I certainly wouldn't wanna put you in a position

of having to sue me for invading it.

- I wouldn't sue you, dad. - Good.

But Joey Kelly might.

♪♪

[telephone ringing]

Joe Kelly TV Repair. Joe speaking.

Oh, hi, Joe. This is Tom Corbett.

Tom Cor... Hey, hi, buddy.

I hope your television's not acting up again?

- No, no. - Hey, I know.

You're calling to say you got engaged, too, huh?

No, no, I don't work that fast.

- No, I'm calling about Joey. - W-w-what about her?

[Tom on phone] Well, has she been acting strange lately?

What do you mean, strange?

I strongly suspect

that Eddie has been stashing away

some supplies somewhere and...

Well, look, i-is anything missing in your house?

Any food, uh...

No.

Well, now, wait a minute, come to think of it

I did see her putting some stuff in her lunch box

a pair of socks, uh, some PJs, you know?

Why do you suppose she'd do that?

Well, she said it was just something goofy

she wanted to do.

Uh-huh, well, I may have

an overly active imagination, but I really think

these two are planning to run away together.

And I brought bandage and a thermometer.

What's the thermometer for?

In case one us don't feel good, so we can take our temperature

and see if we really don't feel good.

Oh.

Joey, are you getting kinda worried about running away?

Because if you change your mind, it's okay with me.

You sure ask dumb questions, Eddie Corbett.

I wish it was tomorrow

and we're already on our way to Mexico.

Mexico?

Yeah. I wonder what they intend to use for plane fare.

Maybe they're gonna put wings on their thongs.

Hm, well, it's Joey that seems to be the one

that wants to run away.

- Well, I don't get-- - Shh-shh.

I don't get it. I don't get it.

What with her gonna have a new mama and all.

You know, uh, maybe Joey just isn't as happy

about this new mama as you think.

What do you mean?

Joey's had you all to herself

and in a sense, she's been the only woman in your life

since her mother died.

Y-you mean, you think she's, uh, jealous of Sherry?

I think there's a possibility, yeah.

Hm, well, you know, uh, she cooks for us

keeps the house, she does a darn good job--

But, but the point of it is

she is going to have to give up those responsibilities

to another woman.

Hm.

Well, maybe you're right.

Well, so what am I supposed to do?

I mean, what would you do, assuming you're right?

Now, I, am I supposed to just, uh, give up Sherry?

No, no, no, that's a tough one, but I'll tell you

I don't think that giving up Sherry

is the answer for anybody.

Well, it might be the answer for Joey.

Not really, not really. It...

- It'll be just a postponement. - Of what?

Accepting the fact that one of these days

she is going to have to share you

with a real grown-up lady

and that all this time you and Joey

have only been playing house.

Yeah, but on the other hand, if I go ahead and marry Sherry

and Joey's already bugged enough to run away from home...

Well, I don't know.

Hm.

Look...

...if we kept an eye on 'em...

...why don't we just go ahead and let 'em try it?

What for?

She might find out that not being with you at all

is worse than having to share you.

Yeah. So we-we let 'em go just like they planned, right?

Just like they planned.

Of course, we'll watch 'em like a couple of mother eagles.

- Father eagles. - Ah, father eagles.

Right.

[guitar music]

Joey, couldn't you have brought along just one dress?

- What for? - Girls look nice in dresses.

It's being a girl that got me into all of this trouble

of not running away by myself.

Joey, I'm not gonna make it anymore trouble for you.

I'm gonna make it easier.

But you're already making it harder

with that stupid talk about bringing a dress.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

Besides, I brought my mom's old manicure set

and that'll make me look nice enough for anyone.

Manicures look even nicer with dresses.

Will you knock it off? No dresses!

I'm just gonna give up trying to understand you.

You don't like me no more.

I wouldn't be running away with you if I didn't like ya

but I don't understand about not bringing a dress.

And there's one thing I really don't understand

so I'm not even gonna try.

What's that?

If I was getting a new mother

I'd be helping to plan the wedding.

Oh, yeah? Just wait until you get one.

Then you'll feel different.

But why are you so mad at her?

I'd be mad at anyone my pop married.

You would? Why?

On account of my real mother, that's why.

What about your real mother?

If we get another one, it'd be like...

...we forgot all about her.

♪♪

- Dad. - Mm-hmm?

Are you reading something important?

Well, not if you have something really important

on your mind.

Maybe it's just because I don't understand women.

Women?

I see.

- Come on. - Okay.

Alright, uh, now...

...what is it in particular that you don't understand?

- Joey Kelly. - Ah.

And, well, what is it about her that you don't understand?

She's gonna get what we want most in the world

and she's mad.

- What's that? - A new mother.

Ah. And that makes her mad?

Because she thinks it'll mean they forgot her real mother.

Ah...

Oh, oh.

So that's the reason. Hm.

I'm sure glad we don't feel that way.

So am I.

And I sure wish Joey didn't.

Maybe you could talk to her and then I wouldn't have to.

You wouldn't have to what?

Nothing.

Okay, sport.

Dad.

Hm?

I wanna talk about it.

♪♪

Okay. I'm listening.

I and Joey are gonna run away.

Oh?

Why'd you have to ask your dad to come over?

I thought he'd just like to see my place. Do you mind?

Seems kinda funny you had to ask him to come over today.

Well, I happen to love my dad very much

and I thought I'd like to see him once more before we left.

When is he coming?

He said he'd leave his office a little bit early

so he could drop by.

And as soon as he leaves we can take off?

Sure.

Joey, I don't know what's bothering you.

He'll suspect something if he sees all our provisions.

[knocking on door]

[Tom] Eddie.

Is that you, dad?

Yes, it is. May I come in?

- Sure, come on. - Thank you.

- Hello, Joey. - Hi, Mr. Corbett.

Hey, Eddie, you really were right.

- Now, this is a great place. - I know it.

Oh, yes, better than any secret place I ever had.

All I ever had was a hole and I had to dig it in my backyard.

You better sit down before you break your back.

Alright, alright. Good idea.

Oh, by the way, I met your new mother-to-be

today at the office.

What was she doing there?

Well, she, uh, came in with your father

when he dropped off the TV set. Seems like a very nice person.

I hope I can find as nice a mother for Eddie.

Mm-hmm. I keep looking.

I mean, I and dad keep looking all the time.

And the reason we keep looking

is because of Eddie's real mother.

She'd want us to have another one.

How do you know?

Well...

...you see, without a mother...

...you're not really a whole family.

And she'd want us to be a whole family.

I mean, the-the three of us were pretty good family.

- Weren't we? - Uh-huh.

- Yeah. - Me, you and mom.

Right.

But, Joey...

...she felt there was a big difference

between living life

and just walking around in it, you see?

And if Eddie and I settle for just each other

well, she'd think that we were just walking through life, huh?

Uh-huh.

How do you know?

These are things you learned about people...

...when you love 'em very much.

♪♪

Joey.

Joey.

What?

Your father's waiting for you outside.

♪♪

Hi, puppy.

- I was gonna run away. - You were?

On account of you and Sherry.

Oh, that's bad news.

But now I guess I don't have to.

[chuckles] No, you don't have to.

- Hey, dad. - Yeah?

Is she happy or sad?

- It's hard to tell. - How come?

She's a female...

...and that's all I can tell you.

I guess when they do something that you don't understand

you have to keep remembering that, right?

- Right. - Right.

♪♪

I and Joey ate the cookies

but this is a good piece of salami.

Well, it looks awfully dirty to me.

- I only dropped it once. - Oh.

How about salami and peanut butter

and jelly sandwiches for dinner tonight?

Mm-hmm. How about Mrs. Livingston's Irish stew?

- Irish stew? - Japanese style.

- Dad, I know the alphabet. - Well, I know you do, Eddie.

[Eddie] But I also know it backwards.

- You do? - Yeah.

[Eddie] Z, Y, X, W, V

U, T, S, R, Q

P, O, N, M, L

K, J, I, G

uh, J, I, H, G

F, E, D, C, B, A.

[Tom] Well, that's terrific, Eddie.

But why'd you learn it that way?

[Eddie] In case I want to be an usher in the theater.

[Tom] Get out.

[Eddie] Why is a man president?

[Tom] Well, because people vote for him.

[Eddie] Why do they vote for him?

[Tom] Because they think he's the best man

to run the country.

- They made a mistake. - What do you mean?

[Eddie] You're not the president.

♪People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa ra pa ra pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking sonto son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪