Original subtitles

[Eddie] Dad, why do policemen blow whistles?

[Tom] To attract people's attention.

[Eddie] Why don't they just yell?

[Tom] Well, I think blowing a whistle

is a little more official.

[Eddie] What's official?

[Tom] Oh, official's something you do

with a long pole and a hook.

[chuckling]

[Eddie] Boo.

[waves crashing]

[Eddie] Dad, do you know why everybody in heaven

laughs at night, even mom?

[Tom] How do you know that, Eddie?

[Eddie] Because at night

the stars twinkle.

You know what I hope when I grow up?

[Tom] No. What do you hope when you grow up?

[Eddie] That it won't be as much trouble finding a wife for me

as it is finding one for you.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talking man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Bup bup bo-bow oops ♪♪

♪♪

- Dad? - Hm?

Are you good and relaxed?

Yes, I am good and relaxed. What do you want?

A horse.

- A horse? - Yes.

Because I can take care of him.

And I'd like to take care of stuff.

Why don't I give you a box of stuff?

[chuckles]

Oh, come on, dad, please, give me a horse.

No, sport. You're not ready for that big a commitment.

What's a commitment?

Uh, what's a commitment? Let's see.

Um... a commitment

is when you devote yourself to something wholeheartedly

and you don't let anything change your mind.

[doorbell ringing]

I will get it.

I'd never change my mind about a horse.

Oh, Mr. Tinker, please come in.

- Konbanwa. - Konbanwa.

- Hi, Eddie. - Hi, Uncle Norman.

- Hi, Norman. - Hey, listen.

I know I shouldn't barge in here like this

I should call first, but I'm desperate.

- Yeah? - What are you desperate about?

The fat man in this picture.

- But that's you! - That's why I'm desperate.

I should have never taken it out of the development solution.

Norman, you're a photographer.

Now, you know the camera

always adds a couple of extra pounds.

That's a tonnage. Admit it.

You're not fat, Norman. It's all in your head.

Okay, I got a fat head. We gotta kill the photo layout.

Counterproposal.

Why don't we just crop the shot down to here

and just use your fat head?

I got a better proposal. We can't use the picture.

Why don't I go on a little diet, lose a little weight?

- We'll take another picture. - No, Norman.

It can't be done and you know it.

[sighs] The whole thing's gotta be to the printers' by Tuesday.

Hey, uh, but today's Friday night, right?

I'll go on a diet over the weekend.

I'll lose five pounds.

Monday you can take another picture.

Norman, you've gone on diets before.

I know, I've always fallen off, but this time I'm determined.

Believe me, nothing's gonna stop me.

Norman, why don't you face it?

- You can't do it. - I'm sure I can.

What I lack in willpower, I'll make up with my fat brains.

What do brains have to do with diets?

They tell me to invite myself to spend the weekend here.

- Here? - Mm-hmm.

Here? You mean, this apartment?

- Right. - Neato!

Neato. You're my best friend.

- Best grown-up friend. - Mm.

Right. You won't let me go off my diet.

- I won't. - Neither will I, Uncle Norman.

♪♪

♪♪

Uncle Norman's depending on us to keep him on his diet.

I am afraid tonight's dinner is fattening.

Swedish meatballs and Italian spaghetti.

- Japanese style? - Yes, sir.

Mm, Mrs. Livingston

you don't have to worry about what Norman eats.

He went out to get his own special diet

and he said he can fix it himself.

Oh.

He's gonna stick to his diet...

...the way I'd stick to taking care of my horse

if I had one. Get it, dad?

- Hey, Eddie. - Yes?

No horse.

- Get it, get it, get it? - Yeah, I get it.

[doorbell ringing]

- Hey, you brought dessert! - Well, no, I brought my diet.

- That's your diet? Watermelon? - Mm-hmm. This is it.

Oh, but, Mr. Tinker, watermelon has many calories.

That's true, but if you eat nothing but watermelon

that hydrates you.

It's some weird chemical process

guaranteed to lose five pounds by Monday

uh, just from carrying it.

Can I go on a diet, Uncle Norman? I love watermelon.

No, it's just for me, Eddie.

Kind of think of it as my medicine.

Okay.

- Hey, dad. - Hm?

Next time I have to take medicine

can I take watermelon medicine?

♪♪

Eddie, how did you like that French onion soup?

- With the cheese in it? - Yeah.

- It was great! - Oh, good.

Alright, now, eat your Italian spaghetti, Japanese style.

You don't mind if we just, uh, dive right in, do you?

Of course not. Nothing bothers me.

Oh, good, good.

Actually, you'll be amazed

how refreshing and slimming this tastes.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

You know, when you get right down to it

most food is overrated, especially spaghetti.

Mm.

- You mean, Japanese style? - Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm, thank you, Mrs. Livingston.

- Whew! - Do you want some?

Oh, I am sorry, Mr. Tinker.

If I have known you're on a diet

I would not have prepared homemade rolls.

Well, that's alright, Mrs. Livingston.

I have a fantastic willpower.

Naturally, the secret to rolls is the smell.

And once you get past the smell, why do you wanna ruin it

by just putting on a lot of sweet, delicious butter

and eat it, right?

- Right. - Wrong. Back to the watermelon.

This spaghetti isn't very good.

Oh?

Something's the matter with it.

Nothing's ever the matter with watermelon.

Cool, crunchy, refreshing.

- What's wrong, Eddie? - I don't know.

- Maybe there's not enough salt? - No, that's not it.

- Too much salt? - No, that's not it, either.

- It just tastes funny. - Taste funny?

I know it came out good.

Eddie.

It looks terrific to me, Eddie.

Nothing tastes good.

I don't even think I'll finish.

May I be excused, dad?

Mm-hmm, yes, yes, you may. Yeah.

Eddie... you're terrific.

Nice slim kid.

♪♪

- Eddie? - Hm?

I do not know what you mean

about the spaghetti.

Tastes just right.

I know, Mrs. Livingston.

Everything's just terrific.

Then why do you say it taste funny?

Because I was trying to help Uncle Norman with his diet.

I don't think he's crazy about watermelon as he says.

I don't think so, either.

[whistling]

[whistling] Here's your towel.

Hey, it's awful nice that Eddie let me use his bedroom.

That's alright. He loves to sleep with me.

- Now you gonna be okay? - Huh. Couldn't feel better.

- I feel lighter already. - Yeah. Well.

Before you know it, you'll look lighter.

- You mean, you don't notice? - Well, yeah.

Maybe I better go weigh myself.

No, no, no. I'd wait ten more minutes.

You know, sometimes people have to diet for hours

before they lose five pounds.

Hey, now, here I am exerting all this willpower

being quietly courageous

and-and not letting it interfere

with my general good nature, and you're making jokes.

Yeah, well, it's the least I can do.

You know, hunger is a state of mind.

Right.

- My mind is starving. - Mm.

♪♪

I wonder if my cheeks are gonna get hollow.

Absolutely.

Hey, Tom, you gotta promise me somethin'.

- What is it? - Look.

If I go too far, if I lose too much weight

you gotta promise me you'll tell me and stop me.

- Oh, I do. Promise. - Mm-hmm.

- Go to bed. - Okay.

Hey, Tom!

[sighs]

Listen, sleep can be fattening.

Well, then, maybe you better sit up tonight.

- Want a book to read? - No, you wanna play some gin?

[sighs] Norman, I am exhausted.

Well, why don't you go to bed?

Oh. Good idea.

You can afford all that fattening sleep.

♪♪

♪♪

- Dad? - Mm-hmm?

I made a sacrifice for Uncle Norman

by giving up my spaghetti.

Yes. Yes, you did.

And Mrs. Livingston made a sacrifice

by givin' up her spaghetti for me.

Mm-hmm. So?

So you're the only one in the family

who hasn't made a sacrifice.

Oh, I see. I see.

Uh, anything particular in mind have you?

You can make a sacrifice and get me the horse.

Eddie.

Eddie, I already told you that you're not big enough yet

to make that large a commitment.

- Oh, yeah, commitment. - Yeah. Yeah.

Tell me how that commitment stuff goes again.

[chuckles] Okay.

Well...

...a commitment is deciding

and promising to give yourself.

To what?

Well... to something you believe in...

...or something you'd like to be...

...or to somebody else.

Like, when you and mom got married?

Yes. Marriage is a commitment.

And you promised to give yourselves?

Mm-hmm. To each other, we did.

And I am committed to you.

You mean, I'm your commitment?

Mm-hmm, but you are not yet big enough

to make a commitment to a horse. That takes a while to learn.

Will I learn to make that big of a commitment?

Ooh, I hope so, Eddie

because people that don't

are so terribly, terribly unhappy.

- Tsk. Oh. - Yeah.

- Hey. - Hm?

- Give us a kiss, love. - Okay.

Goodnight.

- Goodnight, dad. - Goodnight.

- See you in the mornin'. - I'll be there.

Okay.

[sighs]

[man on TV] Well, there's the two-minute warning, folks.

Uh, now they're beginning to break the huddle

and they wind up a single wing to the right.

It's third and seven, it looks like

[indistinct] are just gonna have to pass.

There's the snap from the center, he drops back.

He's got protection.

Steps into the hole and lets go.

It's a long pass.

At last the Reds are gonna step on the safety mat.

He's got it! Touch down!

- Yeah! Yeah! - Great play, great play!

[indistinct TV commentary]

[man on TV] ...and here's Bill.

[Bill on TV] Hey, guys.

Wouldn't a beer go great right now?

- Yeah. - Terrific touchdown, huh?

Shh. I wanna listen to this.

[Bill] The frosty taste of areallygreat beer.

- Yeah. - Alright, um...

Norman, I was thinking we ought to go to that layout--

[Bill] ...and pour yourself a foamy, top mug

of the refreshing...

- Hey. - You don't wanna watch that.

Man, I wanna watch this. It's the conference championship.

The score's tied. There's two minutes left to play.

Hey, if you've seen even one conference championship

you've seen 'em all.

[man on TV] The game is tied up.

Time-out down on the field

and here's Bill again.

[Bill] Wouldn't a beer go great right now?

The cool, frosty taste ofareallygreat beer.

Just sit down with a bowl of pretzels

or a cheese bur...

I'm watching the game.

You're watching the commercial.

Alright, I'm watching the commercials.

Watching isn't fattening.

It can lead to it.

- Here, read. - What are you gonna do?

- Leave me alone? - No, I'm gonna go shave.

- Do you mind if I go shave? - Nah.

I don't mind anything you do. Just don't be testy about it.

Hm. Eat your heart out.

That's not fattening.

♪♪

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, Mrs. Livingston. May I help you with this?

Thank you, Mr. Tinker.

Hey, that's quite a lot you have here.

- Yes, it's the week's shopping. - Uh-huh?

- There's more downstairs. - Oh, okay.

- I'll get them for you. - No, no, no, thank you.

- Oh, I don't mind. - I will do it.

Yeah, but I don't mind. Uh, wait a minute.

I understand. I-I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking I'm gonna go downstairs

get all the groceries, take 'em up in the elevator

stop the elevator halfway through and eat up all the food.

Hey, I wouldn't do that. You can trust me.

Oh, I trust you.

It is merely prudent

not to ask bears to carry honey.

♪♪

Tsk.

- Uncle Norman! - Hi, Eddie.

- What are you doing? - Doing? Doing with what?

What are you doing with that box of crackers?

Oh. Oh, that box of crackers?

I was just checking it for spoilage.

Look how careless they are, Eddie. The whole thing was open.

They just don't pack things right anymore these days.

- Uncle Norman. - Hm?

I don't care if you're fat. I like you fat.

There's more of you.

♪♪

♪ Fat and skinny had a race ♪

♪ Up and down a pillow case ♪

♪ Fat fell down and broke his face ♪

♪ Little skinny won the race ♪

♪ Fat and skinny had a race ♪

♪ Up and down a pillow case ♪

♪ Fat fell down and broke his face ♪

♪ Little skinny won the race ♪♪

♪ Fat fat the water rat ♪

♪ We want you on our side ♪

♪ Fat fat the water rat ♪

♪ We want you on our side ♪

♪ Fat fat the water rat ♪

♪ We want you on our side ♪♪

[knocking on door]

- Hey, Norman. I'm here. - Mm.

What, are you going to bed so early?

Yeah, all that jogging knocks me out.

I'm bushed. Especially when you don't eat.

- You have no energy. - Yeah, well.

Those are pretty energetic pajamas you got on there.

You like 'em? Good, I'll give you a pair for your birthday.

Well, thanks. Well, pleasant dreams.

Thank you. I got it all worked out.

- Got a great menu in mind. - Menu?

Yeah. My dream meal.

Oh, no, no, Norman, Norman, uh, look, uh

do you think that's really a very good idea?

It's a great idea, a low-cal, non-fattening dream

about a twelve-course gourmet dinner.

No, I think it'll be better

if you just got your mind off of food.

Real food, yes, but dream food--

No, no, no. Any kinda food, Norman.

I don't think it's a good idea to dream about gorging yourself.

- Hey, Tom, it's my dream. - But I just don't think--

I don't care what you think!

It's my stomach, my diet and my dream!

- Okay! Okay! - Wait a moment, wait a minute.

I'm sorry, I'm just-I'm just irritable, I'm starving.

I know, Norman, I know. I realize the strain you're under.

Okay.

[tap squeaking]

[water sloshing]

Night, fats.

[Norman brushing teeth]

♪♪

♪♪

[door opening]

[clattering]

[cutlery clinking]

Stop!

Don't do it, Uncle Norman. Don't bite into that sandwich.

Hi, Eddie. What are you doing walking in your sleep?

- I'm not walkin' in my sleep. - Sure you are. You're dreaming.

You're dreaming you're just about to see

old Uncle Norman eat a sandwich.

- I'm not dreamin'. - How do you know?

Because I always know when I'm dreamin'.

How?

Because when I dream, I dream in black and white.

And you're in color.

- And fading fast. - Uncle Norman.

Okay, Eddie, you caught me

but, yeah, but look, I'm so hungry.

But you can't give in now.

[sighs] You know, I wasn't gonna eat the whole thing.

Just a little bite.

That's a lie. I was gonna wharf down the whole thing.

- Just like this. - Don't do it, Uncle Norman.

- I'll help you. - That's what I need, help.

Hey, why don't you eat half the sandwich?

Please.

- You want it? - Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh? Be Careful.

I know you can do it, Uncle Norman.

I just know you can.

I know I can do it, too, Eddie.

It's my stomach that doesn't know it.

- All you need is help. - Help.

And to be locked up somewhere.

I'm gonna stay up all night and watch you.

[Norman] Wouldn't do any good, Eddie, I'd just wait for you

to go to sleep and then I'd eat.

Oh, no, you wouldn't.

Yes, I would. You don't understand, Eddie.

Your Uncle Norman is a weakling.

But you only have one more day.

[Norman] Hey, do you know how long one more day is?

Twenty four hours?

By you it's twenty four hours

by me it's forever.

Uncle Norman, you're not tryin' anymore.

You're right. Eddie, go to bed.

Not unless you promise.

- Okay, I promise. - Okay.

Then let's go to bed together.

Okay, listen, you gotta do me one favor.

You gotta keep it between you and me what happened tonight.

You won't tell your father. It'd be too embarrassing.

But he'd understand.

I know, that's what's embarrassing.

Okay. Come on.

♪♪

Okay, listen, Eddie, you don't have to watch over me anymore.

- I'm okay now. - I know, Uncle Norman.

I just want to. Okay, bed now.

[chuckles] You're a real pal, Eddie.

That's 'cause I love you, Uncle Norman.

Uh-huh? Good. I'll never forget that.

That's okay.

[toy whirring]

Here, Uncle Norman. He's my night scout.

Oh, uh, thanks, Eddie

but I don't wanna take anything from you.

Hey, what are friends for?

Listen, I wanna let you know I couldn't have gotten through

the night without you. And I appreciate it.

- Goodnight, Eddie. - Goodnight, Uncle Norman.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

[toy whirring]

[door shuts]

[toy whirring]

♪♪

[mumbling]

Shh, shh...

[mumbling]

- Shh. - It's alright, Eddie.

I'm awake.

- Tsk. Oh. - Yeah.

[exhales sharply] Anything wrong?

Uh-huh.

- You're okay, huh? - Yeah.

Hm. Where'd you go?

Uh...

I went to get a drink of water.

Ah. Oh.

- Well, goodnight. - Okay, goodnight.

♪♪

♪♪

- I'm not gonna eat much. - Why not?

'Cause I'd hate to get fat

and go through what Uncle Norman just did.

I don't think there's much chance of that.

Oh, you are growing boy. Growing boys must eat.

Eat, eat, must eat.

Oh, from your enthusiastic attitude, I can only assume

that good fortune has been read on the bathroom scale.

Right. I am five pounds lighter.

- You did it, you did it! - Mm-hmm.

My eyes are clear, my hands are steady.

I'm stoked and ready for retakes.

Congratulations.

- Yasapup. - Yasapu... What?

Yase-Yaseppo is skinny in Japanese.

Ah. Ah so.

- Hm. - Very proud of you, Norman.

I would owe it all to my fantastic willpower.

And a little help from my friend.

[Eddie] How do horses sleep?

[Tom] Well, they usually sleep standing up.

[Eddie] Oh, I guess that's why

they wear shoes they can't take off.

Today Mrs. Livingston bought some peaches

that are pretty grown-up.

- You mean, ripe? - No, grown-up.

[Eddie] They look old enough to shave.

[Tom] Oh.

[Eddie] What's it like to be tall, dad?

[Tom] Well, I haven't given it much thought, Eddie.

[Eddie] Isn't it fun to look down on me?

[Tom] Well, yes it is.

[Eddie] It'll be fun to be tall like you, dad.

I just can't wait.

[Tom] Well, it's gonna happen so gradually

that you're hardly gonna notice the difference.

[Eddie] Oh. That's too bad.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ La pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra ra pa ya ♪♪