Original subtitles

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪♪

[Eddie] Dad, what's a frog?

[Tom] A frog is little horny thing

with bulging eyes, that goes

ribbit, ribbit.

[Eddie] What's a frogs' legs?

[Tom] The legs of a little horny thing

with bulging eyes

it goes, ribbit, ribbit.

[Eddie] Legs don't have eyes.

[Tom] No, but potatoes do.

[Eddie laughs]

[Eddie] But people eat them.

[Tom] Eat what?

[Eddie] Frogs' legs.

[Tom] Oh.

[Eddie] Do frogs eat people's legs?

[Tom] No, Eddie, they don't.

[Eddie laughs]

[Eddie] That's why people can't go

ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Po pa pa whoops ♪♪

- Good morning. - Good morning, dad.

Okay, now, let's see. Did you brush your teeth?

- Check. - Did you wash your face?

- Check. - Behind the ears?

- Double check. - Okay then.

These are Mrs. Livingston's Sunday morning check-off list.

Now, would you like me to make you a sandwich?

- Yeah. - Okay. Alakazam! Alakazam!

You're a sandwich!

How about I make you an egg sandwich?

Uh-uh, I want a hot dog relish

and a peanut butter sandwich.

- To put in your stomach? - Yeah.

[groans]

♪♪

- I just made it. - Mm?

The bed, I just made it.

Oh, oh!

Oh, yeah, well

so I see.

With your pajamas in it?

Looked better before you sat on it.

Oh, uh, yeah.

Does that mean I have to make it all over again?

Uh, well, no, sport.

Since, uh, I messed it up

I'll be the one to fix it up.

- Okay? - Okay.

Eddie

what was this doing stuck to the sheet?

I don't know, I guess

it fell out of my mouth last night

after I fell asleep.

Uh-huh, well, why didn't you remove it

when you made the bed this morning?

I just figured I'd finish it off tonight.

Eddie...

I don't see why I have

to make my bed on Sunday.

It's Mrs. Livingston's day off

and she can't see if I make it or not.

Uh-huh, but don't you want a nice, neat, clean bed

to sleep in tonight?

Yeah

yours.

Before I make any big decisions like that

I'm gonna get some more coffee

and the morning paper.

I want the funnies.

Good morning, Eddie.

Mrs. Livingston, you're here.

Mrs. Livingston, good morning!

Good morning, Mr. Eddie's Father.

- It's Sunday. - Yes.

Well, uh, won't you come in?

Oh, boy, Charlie Brown's gonna get it again.

Hm?

Stupid Charlie Brown's gonna trust Lucy

to hold that football for him again.

Hm.

Mrs. Livingston

is something wrong?

I think so.

Something's wrong?

What is it?

I think I've been deported.

[Tom] Deported?

[Eddie] What does deported mean?

No, they only deport criminals, Mrs. Livingston.

They're not gonna do this to you.

It's absolutely impossible.

Dad, what does deported mean?

Now, you have a visa, right?

Yes, but I had a visitor's visa

so I applied for permanent visa.

What does deported mean, dad?

[Tom] And you were turned down?

Yes, they... I received bad news yesterday.

Dad, I wanna walk my dog.

Eddie, you don't have a dog.

I know. What does deported mean?

Well, that means that Mrs. Livingston

would have to go home.

But this is her home, dad.

Eddie, Japan is my home.

I-it, it just seems to me

you should be able to get a permanent visa.

Now, they list all kinds of categories here.

For example, "Qualified immigrants

"who are members of professions

"or who have exceptional abilities

that are in demand by American employers."

Well, that's you, Mrs. Livingston.

You do exceptional abilities and you are in demand

by an American employer, me.

Hey, dad, you did it.

What are my exceptional abilities?

You have a college degree

you're an expert in oriental cuisine.

And we love you.

And you are a necessary part of our household.

Well, I do not think it will be so easy--

You just let me take care of it.

- You promise? - Do I promise?

I certainly do.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Still your best friend best friend ♪

♪Bestfriend ♪♪

They can't really deport Mrs. Livingston, right?

- Wrong, they certainly can. - But we can stop them.

That's what I'm trying to do, Tina.

You're going about it in all the wrong way.

Am I?

You just phoned the immigration department.

- Right? - Yes.

And they referred you

to the Department of Employment?

- Yeah. - The runaround.

Oh, no, I don't think so.

- Red tape. - I don't think so.

It's red tape, you're going to be completely immersed

in red tape, and by the time you get yourself un-entangled

Mrs. Livingston's going to be gone.

What do you suggest I do, Tina?

- Demonstrate. - Demonstrate?

Yes.

I have friends with blank placards all ready to go.

Demonstrate against what?

Federation, Washington

bureaucracy, whatever.

You mean, a mass demonstration for one person?

It's not the person you demonstrate for

it's the principle!

A just cause needs its active champions

wherever they might find themselves sleeping.

- Tina. - Hm?

Get off the coffee table.

♪♪

"Exceptional abilities in demand by an American employer."

I gather you don't like my plan.

No.

Would you like me to come up with another one?

- No. - Mr. Corbett.

I think you're making a terrible mistake.

Mrs. Livingston is an integral part of your life.

And so is this pamphlet.

Now, you may find this hard to believe

but we are all governed and must adhere

to the laws and regulation of the land.

But the people should make the laws.

- The people did! - Oh.

Tina, will you just do me one little favor?

- Shut up? - No.

I like talking to the other side of the moon

every now and then.

Oh. What can I do?

Call the Department of Employment

find out who's in charge

make an appointment for me

and I will go down and plead my own case.

Sir.

[telephone rings]

Mr. Corbett's office. Oh, hi, Eddie.

Mr. Corbett, uh, it's Eddie calling from a payphone

in his school.

Thanks, Tina.

Hi, sport, anything wrong?

Oh, yes, Eddie, yes.

I'm taking care of Mrs. Livingston's problem.

As-as a matter of fact, uh, Tina is going to call

the employment bureau right now.

♪♪

Come on, Mrs. Livingston, smile.

Everything's gonna be alright.

- I am not so sure, Eddie. - But I am.

Dad made a promise and when he makes a promise

it always comes true.

Eddie, promise a loving gesture

and I am sure your father meant he promised to try.

Don't worry. He'll do it.

[chuckles]

Would you like to try this?

Ew.

[watch ticking]

♪♪

[pen scraping]

[ticking continues]

[telephone buzzing]

[indistinct chatter on phone]

♪♪

Uh, Ms. Ritter?

Have a seat, Mr. Corbett.

[ominous music]

Ms. Ritter, uh, I have a house keeper--

I'll be right with you, Mr. Corbett.

- Yes? - Uh, ahem, well, I, uh...

I have a housekeeper.

I have her application right here.

"Mrs. Livingston, Japanese."

Has been in your employ as a standard domestic.

Visa expired.

Yes, Mr. Corbett?

Uh, well, I think that in this case

uh, you'll find that there are extenuating circumstances.

Oh? Does she have exceptional abilities?

Oh, yes, she has.

As a domestic?

She's a college graduate.

As a domestic.

Oh... well, I'm, I'm sure that you'll find

as you go on, uh, this is an unusual situation.

You're not married, Mr. Corbett?

Uh, no, I'm a widower.

And I'm sure you've become very personally attached

to this Mrs. Livingston.

Oh, yes, yes. My boy is very fond of her.

She takes the place of your wife?

No, she does not.

But you haven't explained to me

her exceptional abilities as a domestic.

But that's just the point, you see.

She is not an ordinary domestic.

In that case, I cannot approve your application

for her to remain in this country.

But I haven't explained Mrs. Livingston.

I reviewed her case before you arrived.

And you've just told me she's a college graduate

but she's not an ordinary domestic.

And therefore, quite capable of leaving you at any time

and competing against our American labor pool.

She wouldn't do a thing like that.

It has happened.

I'm protecting the work rights of qualified American employees.

Have you looked into our domestic labor pool?

Well, no, uh, not since we've had Mrs. Livingston.

You might be quite surprised.

We have many qualified domestics

who will nicely fulfill the normal requirement.

But not the same as Mrs. Livingston!

That becomes your personal problem, Mr. Corbett.

Uh, Ms. Ritter...

I am trying very hard not to lose my temper

and I'm not doing a very good job of it.

Now, you kept me waiting in that outer office

for one hour and twenty-five minutes.

I have business other than approving

unusual relationships.

I don't think I like what you're saying.

You don't have to. I'm doing my job, Mr. Corbett.

I don't think so.

I do.

[sighs] Ms. Ritter--

Do you wish to file application to review the immigration laws

concerning the change in your housekeeper's visa?

Yes.

Then, on your way out, ask my secretary

for Form 570.

Fill it out carefully, answering all of the questions

in precise detail.

Thank you.

Oh, uh... when I fill that out, where do I bring it?

Back here.

- Who approves it? - I do.

Anybody home?

Hi, dad!

- Did you do it? - Uh, uh, did I do what?

Fix up Mrs. Livingston so she could stay with us.

- Oh, uh, yeah, well... No, no! - Yippee! You did it!

Uh, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, hold it, sport.

Hold it, hold it, hold it... uh--

But I was gonna tell Mrs. Livingston.

She's been walking all around the house

all day long, looking inscrutable.

Uh, yeah. Well, you see, Eddie, I-I-I didn't do it yet.

But I thought you said you just did.

Well, I started to but I-I haven't succeeded yet.

But you promised!

Yes, I know I promised and I tried.

But you didn't do it.

Well, I'm going to.

Hey, hey, Eddie...

Eddie.

Have I ever broken a promise to you?

Yes.

- When? - Today.

Can I go to my room now?

Yes.

♪♪

I heard a noise. Did something fall?

Oh, something fell, alright.

I did. In Eddie's eyes, I am now about one inch tall.

Oh, what happened?

Well, I couldn't get you a permanent visa today.

Oh.

I understand.

Thank you very much for trying.

Don't give up hope, I'm gonna take another crack at it again

tomorrow, just as soon as I fill out this form.

Oh, so many questions.

I know, I don't know if they're trying to deport you or me.

You know, to top it all off...

...poor little fella thinks that I broke a promise to him

because I, I couldn't get that visa today.

And he's learning

his father could not do everything.

Mm.

I wish he didn't have to learn it so soon.

[sighs]

♪♪

♪ La la ♪

Eddie?

[knock on door] Hey, sport.

♪ La la ♪

♪♪

♪ Doo ♪

♪ Doo doo ♪♪

Eddie?

What?

If it's okay with you, I'd sorta

like to come in and talk for a second.

I don't care but I have to keep on packing.

You, uh, leaving, are you?

I'm going back to Japan with Mrs. Livingston.

I see.

You, uh...

...want to tell me why?

I'm gonna take care of her.

And I'm not gonna break any promises either.

Well, Eddie, just because I couldn't keep my promise today

doesn't mean that I've broken a promise.

Then what does it mean?

It means, Eddie, that

I cannot always do

what I set out to do.

Why not?

Well, in this instance...

...someone had more power than I did.

- Who? - Ms. Ritter.

A woman?

Yes, yes. She works for the government.

And she says Mrs. Livingston can't stay?

- Mm-hmm. - What did she say that for?

Well, Eddie, she said it because she thought

that Mrs. Livingston and I...

Well, uh, you see, in this case

she was abusing her power.

But that didn't make her any less powerful.

Do you understand that?

No.

Excuse me, I have to finish my packing.

Oh, sorry.

♪♪

Mr. Eddie's Father, I was wondering...

...was there a special reason

that they would not give me

a permanent visa?

Well, in the first place, um

it wasn't a "They."

It was a woman.

Yes?

Well, you know women

and how their minds work.

But how this woman's minds work?

- Well-- - Maybe something I could fix.

No, I, I, I don't, I don't think so.

Is it so bad?

Well, it, i-i-it's, it's so silly, that I-I don't even

I don't think I can say it.

But you work with the words, you must know how.

[clears throat] She said...

...that, that, that you...

...and I...

Yes?

Sh-she thinks that, uh...

...that-that you...

...uh, and I...

Yes?

Th-that you...

...and I...

You and I?

That's what she thinks.

Oh.

- Eddie. - Yes?

Eddie, I'm gonna try again tomorrow to get that visa.

But what if that dumb mean lady says no again?

Uh, then I'm afraid, Mrs. Livingston

is gonna have to go back to Japan.

Did you tell her that we love Mrs. Livingston?

Uh, no, Eddie, not exactly. I didn't say that. Um...

Why not?

Because, Eddie, that was the problem.

But we do love Mrs. Livingston.

Why can't we say so?

Eddie...

Eddie...

What?

I think I know what Ms. Ritter has to hear.

And I think I know who has to tell her.

♪♪

[telephone buzzes]

[indistinct chattering]

♪♪

You're persistent.

I'll say that for you, Mr. Corbett.

Thank you, Ms. Ritter. May I introduce my son, Eddie.

Hello, Ms. Ritter, how do you do?

- Hello, Eddie. - And this is my Form 570.

Filled out completely and in precise detail

per your request.

I think you should know that I'm not

a sentimental woman, Mr. Corbett.

I didn't think you were, Ms. Ritter.

Good.

Because if that's the reason

you've brought your young son--

I came here to tell you

about my Mrs. Livingston.

I'm sure all the necessary information

is on this form.

But there wasn't a space for the reason I need her.

Then perhaps, it's not a reason I should be concerned with.

Sure, it is, I need her

because she's my substitute mother.

It is sometimes better to do without

than to substitute.

What did she mean by that, dad?

Well, Eddie, I'm not quite sure

that you're gonna understand this.

But what Ms. Ritter means

is that she thinks that Mrs. Livingston

is a substitute wife for me.

And, uh, we already know how she feels about substitutes.

Mr. Corbett, please, not in front of the child.

I don't see why, Ms. Ritter.

Considering that children have such a...

...wonderful way of telling the truth.

- Eddie. - Yeah, dad?

Do you think that Mrs. Livingston is really

a substitute wife for me?

- Heck, no. - Why?

Because wives are people who stay all night

and go out to parties with you, and tell you what to wear

and make brothers and sisters with the husband.

And my dad would never find a wife

if he didn't have Mrs. Livingston

to take care of me while he goes out and looks.

So, okay?

Are there any more, uh, questions, Ms. Ritter?

We did it! We did it!

You mean I can stay?

You can stay.

Oh, I'm so glad. Thank you so much.

Oh, no, don't thank me. Thank Eddie, he did it.

- I did? - You certainly did.

The way you spoke to Ms. Ritter.

You mean, you couldn't, but I did?

Mm-hmm.

Does that mean I'm more powerful than you?

Neat-o, now we can both take turns being powerful.

Mm-hmm.

[Eddie] Which do you like better?

The light or the dark?

[Tom] Hm... the light.

[Eddie] I think sometimes I like the dark better.

[Tom] Oh, why?

[Eddie] Then I can think taller.

- Why do dogs look different? - Breeding.

- Why do people look different? - Breeding.

[Eddie] You think they'd find another word for it.

Dad, how can you eat clams for lunch?

[Tom] Well, clams are food from the sea and they're meant

to be eaten. You eat chicken, don't you?

[Eddie] Sure, but a chicken isn't cute.

[Tom] Cute? Is a clam cute?

[Eddie] In its nest in the sand, it's just sitting there

trying to grow big. It's pretty cute.

♪ People let me tell 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[roars]