Original subtitles

♪ People let me tell you about my best friend ♪

- I wish I could be a vegetable. - Why?

[Eddie] Because I bet vegetables

don't have to eat vegetables.

Daddy, do you ever notice that Mrs. Livingston

has a smooth face?

[Tom] Um-hm, yes, I've noticed that.

[Eddie] That's because she thinks smooth thoughts.

Dad, how come you always

get all the letters and I don't get any?

[Tom] But those letters are mostly bills.

[Eddie] I wish that someone sent me some bills.

[Tom] Bills are things that you have to pay.

[Eddie] That's okay, you'd pay them for me.

[theme music]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person ♪

♪ Who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Pa pa pa pa whoops ♪♪

[Tom] No, no, mother, Eddie's out playing right now.

Yes, I'll give him your love.

I-I said I'll give him your love.

No, your love, mother.

Ah-huh.

Oh, no. I wanna pick you up at the plane.

Well, because it's a big airport

and we don't wanna lose you.

Um-hm.

Yeah. Yes, mother, I will.

Okay.

Okay, we-we'll see, we'll see you then.

Yes, mother.

[chuckles]

Ah-huh.

Alright, mother. Bye.

Yeah, bye, bye-bye.

Oh, you're in big trouble with his puzzle.

Well, it's a good thing for me that you showed up.

What's the matter? You got the bachelor blues?

Um-hm. Don't they usually attack on a Sunday?

Well, I wouldn't know. I'm not really a bachelor.

I've got Eddie.

And that's your reason for plugging in the umbilical?

- Hah? - The umbilical cord!

- Plugging it in. - What about it?

The phone call you made to your mother.

Oh, yeah, well, I invited her over

to spend the weekend with Eddie and me.

- Mother's Day coming? - No.

Oh, is there any special reason

for the sudden attack of guilt for hardly ever seeing her?

I am not feeling an attack of guilt, doctor.

I am just simply facing reality.

Oh, that reality is bad stuff, especially on Sundays.

To quote a famous man

"Everything bad seems worse on a Sunday."

- Who said that? - I don't know.

He died before he could tell

anybody his name.

- May I quote you? - Sure, the whole world does.

- Why not you? Where's Eddie? - He's playing right now.

As a matter of fact, heis the reason

I'm having mother over.

I really think they ought to get acquainted.

Do you have any special reason

for this attack of togetherness?

Yeah, yeah.

I had a talk with my lawyer last week.

[sighing]

And he pointed out something

that I really hadn't realized.

Lawyers take a special course in that.

I know.

Just exactly what did he point out?

Well, mainly, do you realize

that if anything ever happened to me

I've made no provisions as to who would be

responsible for Eddie.

Now, what's gonna happen to you?

Norman, there is always the inevitable.

Nothing's gonna happen to you.

I didn't know that.

Pfft!

You're indestructible.

♪♪

♪♪

[sighing]

Norman, hard as this may be

for our egos

we're all destructible.

Maybe in the far, far, far future

but...

But maybe in the now, now, now today now.

Couldn't happen to Eddie twice, it wouldn't be fair.

Oh, really? Where does it say that anything's fair?

On bubble gum wrappers.

Is your mother a good lady?

Well, she's a nice lady, but...

I don't know that she'd be a good lady for Eddie.

- That's all. - What about Eddie's aunt?

Oh, Kate's great, but you know what kind of a lady she is.

She just goes wherever the wind blows her.

What about... Helen's parents?

Oh, they're nice people, but they're too old.

Like Kate they travel all the time

and they sold their home

and that is the relative inventory.

That sort of narrows it down to your mother.

Yeah, it does, yeah.

Dad, I'm home!

Hi, sport.

Uncle Norman, hi!

Hi, Eddie, how are you, pal?

- Fine, did you bring 'em? - Bring what?

You know the beads you are making me

out of those sunflower seeds we collected.

Uh... wait a minute, wait a minute.

Uncle Norman's got a surprise for you. There it is.

- Is that what you want? - Neato!

I'm never gonna take 'em off. Not even for a bath.

Thanks, Uncle Norman.

De nada, senor.

Are you gonna stay and cook Spanish for us tonight?

Oh, no, gee, Eddie, I'm sorry, I have a date.

And I've to be leaving.

- When? - Soon.

- How soon? - Soon-soon.

How soon is soon-soon?

Eddie...

Okay.

Hey, can I go show my beads to Billy Gerber?

What do you say?

Pretty please with sugar on it

and a cherry on top.

Yes, you may.

Aww.

Take 'em off when you bathe.

Okay.

♪♪

- Norman. - Yeah?

You know something?

It's really a good thing

that I know you're a ding-a-ling.

Yeah, why?

Otherwise, you might make a good guardian for Eddie.

[chuckles] It's a good thing you know I'm a ding-a-ling.

Um.

Better help me with your puzzle.

You're in an awful lot of trouble.

♪♪

Eddie, bedtime.

First, can I say goodnight to my fish?

Okay, quickly.

Goodnight, Chet and David. Goodnight, Mandy.

Goodnight, Dune. Goodnight Blake. Goodnight, Stu.

- Goodnight-- - Eddie, quit stalling.

You haven't got that many fish.

I'm not stalling, dad.

Chet and David have lots of other

brothers and sisters too.

And I wouldn't want to leave any of them out

and hurt their feelings either.

Um-hm, except you know they haven't got

those kind of feelings.

You know what Emily Ruth Gusterson says, dad?

No, what did Emily Ruth Gusterson says?

She says that I'll never have any brothers or sisters.

Well, that shows you how much

Emily Ruth Gusterson knows.

You're gonna have some brothers and sisters

soon as I get married again.

When, dad?

Well, as soon as I'm ready

and as soon as I find the right lady.

Eddie

I-I'd like to talk to you about your grandmother, Corbett.

Are you going to marry her?

Eddie, you know you don't marry your own mother.

I wouldn't have minded getting married

to mine when I grew up.

Sure, but where would that have left me?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah.

- Eddie, um... - Yes.

Eddie, how do you feel about your grandmother, Corbett?

Well, I don't know her very much.

Well, what do you remember from last summer when she visited?

Tsk, well, that she smells pretty nice

that she has a shiny tooth way back here.

And that you have to talk to her sort of loud

and that's all I can remember.

Well, Eddie

I have asked her to visit us this coming weekend.

Is that okay with you?

Well, it's okay, I guess.

But I and Mrs. Livingston made plans for next Sunday.

She's gonna bring me a Japanese kite

and I'm going to teach her how to fly it.

Uh-huh, well, I think we can squeeze that in

to a weekend visit from grandmother.

- Okay. - Okay. Goodnight.

Goodnight, dad.

Do you know what's funny, Mrs. Livingston?

What is funny, Eddie?

Dad's grown-up and he has a mother

but I'm ungrown-up and I don't have one.

Don't you think that's funny?

Eddie, would you bring the candies

into the living room for me please?

Sure.

♪♪

How many can I have while I'm taking them?

- One. - Okay.

Is dad's mother like mine was?

I did not know your mother.

Boy, she was neato.

It is also nice to have a grandmother.

Yeah. Do I have to like her even if I don't?

No, but you must wait until you know how to decide.

[doorbell rings]

I think it is your grandmother.

Open the door.

Hi, grandma!

Grandmother, dear.

Oh, let me see... Oh, how heavy you're getting.

Oh, what a precious child.

You know, Tom, he looks exactly like his grandfather.

- Hm. - Hm?

What your grandmother means is

you look like my father.

How can I look like someone I never saw before?

- What did he say? - Well, he said, uh...

He-he doesn't understand how he could look

like a grandfather he's never seen before.

Oh, well, you'll see the resemblance too

the minute you get that hair cut.

I was going to get it last week

but I had to play ball instead.

[chuckles]

Well, Tom, you really must impress upon him

the, uh, importance of good grooming.

Mm, yes, yes, mother.

Of course playing outside is important too.

Um-hm. You're right, dear.

He does look a little spindly.

What's spindly mean?

Edward, I was speaking with your father.

Whatever is that around your neck?

- Beads! - Beads?

Well, they are awfully attractive

but beads are for girls, aren't they, Edward?

Not these. These are for me.

My Uncle Norman made them for me.

Uh-uh...

Di-did he say "Uncle Norman?"

Yes, mother, uh, of course, he is...

He is not really his uncle.

Well, yes, I know, dear.

Ah, well, no, he-he is...

- He's is my best friend. - Huh?

Yeah, I-I mean, he's my best grownup friend.

As a matter of fact, he's coming over tonight after dinner.

Oh, how nice, I'm certainly interested in meeting

a man who strings beads.

- I should say. - Yeah.

Oh, mother, may I introduce Mrs. Livingston?

Mrs. Livingston, my mother.

Well, how do you do?

Mrs. Corbett, I am pleased to make your acquaintance.

Oh, yes, indeed, so am I.

You're married, uh,to a Caucasian

I assume, Mrs. Livingston?

No, I am not, Mrs. Corbett.

[speaking in foreign language]

Excuse me.

You know, it's bad enough not to hear very well

but when people start talking in odd languages--

Oh, the-they were speaking in Japanese, mother.

- Japanese? - Yes.

Would you, uh, would you like to pour yourselves some tea?

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, I really should buy you another bunch of flowers.

Truly, you can afford more than two.

But Mrs. Livingston spent--

Mr. Eddie's father

I put the groceries on the kitchen table.

Oh, thank you very much, Mrs. Livingston.

And you have a wonderful time tonight.

Thank you.

- Goodbye, Mrs. Corbett. - Goodbye.

[Eddie] See you tomorrow, Mrs. Livingston.

- Mata ashita. - Bye, bye.

[Mrs. Corbett] I don't understand.

Isn't she going to cook our dinner?

Oh, no, mother, not tonight.

She'll be going to the theater.

The theater? Your maid?

Well, we don't, uh, we don't exactly

think of her as of our maid, do we?

Heck, no. She's our Mrs. Livingston.

She takes real neato care of us.

And she's agreed to stay until I remarry.

Well, how nice.

You know, Tom, I, um, I really don't think

I care for any tea just now.

If you'll excuse me, I think I'll try and catch

40 winks before dinner.

Oh, alright, mother, whatever you'd like.

Uh, you'll be staying in my room like last summer.

Oh, fine, fine.

I and dad are gonna share my room again.

[chuckles] Aww.

Well, I hope you'll be comfortable.

Yes, I'm sure I will, dear.

Okay, mom.

♪♪

- Yeah. - Dad.

[grunts]

How is she gonna do it?

- Do what? - Get 40 winks.

Oh, Eddie, that's grandmother's way of saying

that she's gonna take a nap.

- Oh. - Oh-ho.

How come she doesn't like Mrs. Livingston?

What makes you think she doesn't?

Well, she was acting sort of nervous.

Uh-huh, well, I think that maybe grandmother thinks

that you like Mrs. Livingston

little better than you like her.

And she had a long trip today, remember?

Well, I think after the nap you'll like her a little more.

- I don't like her too bad. - I know.

Well, since she calls me Edward

don't you think I ought to call her Mrs. Corbett?

Mm-mm. I think you better call her grandmother.

- Okay? - Okay.

Okay, now

while she's taking her nap

what do you wanna do?

Why don't we shake her suitcase

and see if we can find our presents?

- You wanna do that? - Yeah.

- One for you? - Yeah.

- One for me? - Yeah.

Let's go shake it.

More brandy, Mr. Eddie's grandma?

Uh, grandmother.

Wait, uh, do I, dear?

Of course, you, dear.

Tom, I like your friend.

I do. I mean I really do.

Me too.

And I suppose it's perfectly alright.

Alright?

Well, not many men string beads

but I suppose it's, uh, it's like the English.

- Um, the English, mother? - Yes, dear.

I understand that during the war many of Britain's men

some of her finest, real men, don't you know

they took up knitting.

- It calmed their nerves. - Hm.

I'm sure that's why you took up

bead stringing, isn't it, Mr. Tinker?

To calm your nerves.

No, that's one reason I never thought of.

He took it up so he could make these beads for me.

They're good only if someone else makes them for you.

Oh, that's sweet.

Well, I guess I've lived too long in the sticks.

Although, I'd hardly call San Francisco the sticks.

Would you? Still, uh...

I can make you some beads, grandmother, I could.

We have a whole mess of leftover sunflower seeds.

Oh, no. Thank you, Edward.

I have my pearls, they go with everything.

[coughing]

Shall I pat you on your back, Uncle Norman?

Please, Eddie.

[coughing]

- You okay now? - That's fine. Thank you, Eddie.

Listen, I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to leave.

Oh, come on, Uncle Norman, stay, please.

Um, Eddie, you can't argue with Mickey Mouse.

Mr. Eddie's grandmother, this is an evening

I shall not soon forget.

Good evening, Mr. Tinker.

Norman, thank you very much for coming by now.

No, thank you for having me.

- See you, pal. - See you, champ.

♪♪

[chuckling]

- Tom. - Um?

I must ask you a question.

Oh, sure, mother.

♪♪

[door closes]

Is Mr. Tinker a Communist?

No.

He's a photographer.

What's a Communist?

Well, a Communist is...

Tom, I, I do wonder if you're doing right by

your child's education.

Mm, well, ahem, goodnight, both of you.

I'll see you in the morning.

- Goodnight, grandmother. - Goodnight, dear.

Yes. Goodnight, mother.

Oh, did I tell you I'm catching

the early plane back home in the morning?

No, we were hoping you'd stay all day tomorrow.

Next trip perhaps, dear.

- Night-night. - Yes, goodnight.

Goodnight, mother.

Speaking of good nights

you're an hour overdue for bedtime.

Uh-huh.

But would you like to invest

an extra couple of minutes just looking at the moon?

- Okay. - Okay.

- Hey, it's full tonight. - Mm-hm.

I'm sure glad those guys took walks on it.

Yeah, me too.

I'm glad you're not one of them just in case.

♪♪

Dad.

What's a Communist?

Um?

Uh, well, Eddie, um, ahem...

A Communist, by your grandmother's definition

would be, um,

well, I think would be a person

who sees some things differently than she does.

Oh. I guess she thinks I'm a Communist.

Oh? Why would she think that?

Well, I love Uncle Norman and she doesn't even like him.

Um, well, speaking of people...

Do you like your grandmother?

♪♪

Do you know why you don't like her?

Mm-hm.

Why?

She makes me feel all flattened out.

[sighing]

Hm. Um-hm.

♪♪

Get down.

Wow, that's the most neato kite

I ever saw in my life!

Come on, let's go fly it, dad.

I'll bet the winds are perfect today.

Uh-uh, okay, just as soon as

you change into to something warm, huh?

It's gonna be cold down there, go.

Okay.

Did you see your mother off alright?

- Yes, yes, I did. - Good.

Her visit here

was it successful one?

Well, uh...

If you mean did I choose her as...

...Eddie's guardian?

No.

No, she flunked.

Oh, I'm sorry it did not work out.

Yeah, so am I.

What will you do about finding Eddie's guardian?

Well, I guess, I'll just start living carefully.

Very carefully.

Mr. Eddie's father

it's so nice that the way you think of your son.

Well, thank you, Mrs. Livingston.

♪♪

Mrs. Livingston.

Yes?

You.

Me?

You could be Eddie's guardian.

Oh, but, Mr. Eddie's father--

No, he knows you and he loves you.

But there are so many things to consider.

- Well, I've been considering-- - Come on, everybody.

I'm ready. Let's go.

Here, let me help you.

I forgot to thank you for the kite.

Oh, you're welcome.

I'm glad you're ours, Mrs. Livingston.

Come on, dad, let's go.

Now, do you still think

there are some things to consider?

Yes, I do.

Eddie, look, would you mind taking this kite

downstairs for just a couple of seconds

with Mrs. Livingston, and I'll be right down.

Okay, but hurry. Also tell me where the gust is.

Okay.

Now, what would be the problem

of you being Eddie's guardian?

Oh, I would like to be but it would not work out.

Why?

Because I think Eddie

is adjusted to just to you.

It is his father who is important.

Do you understand?

Well, I'm not sure.

If Eddie lost you

he would need another father, not a mother.

♪♪

[speaking in foreign language]

Say hello to your Spanish cook.

What are we having? What are we having?

Chili con carne, chili con guacamole, chili corn bisque

and for the matador, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

- Hummus and chili on the top. - Coming up.

Hey, matador, I would appreciate it if you would ole

your way to the bathroom and wash your hands.

[grunts]

Ah, bueno que bueno.

Ah, Norman, I would like to talk to you for a second.

Sorry, pal, talking and cooking don't mix.

Hey, it's important.

- Important? - Yep.

Step into my office.

Uh, Norman, I'd like you to take Eddie.

Good.Where?

No, I mean, if anything ever happens to me

I'd like you to be his legal guardian.

Hm, hey, listen, we've been down that path before.

Remember, yes. We can't do it.

Remember me? I'm mister ding-a-ling.

I know, I know, Norman

but I-I've been thinking it over and--

Besides which, I'm not a relative.

But why do I have to leave Eddie to a relative?

Mm-hm, because they're blood.

But I don't think that's important to Eddie.

I think what's important to him is that he...

Well, that he feels for a person

and you are his Uncle Norman.

Okay, look, I'd go through fire for Eddie, right?

But that doesn't mean I should be his guardian.

Hey, Eddie adopted you by his own choice

and for only one reason, he loves you.

You're making the worst choice you could possibly make.

I don't think so. Why, because you dress differently?

Because you're, uh, what, a free solo?

You wear different gloves? Hmm?

Because you're a nonconformist?

I think at least you'll be able

to give him the, the room to grow.

Look, I know nothing about being a father, I've never been one.

Hey, I wasn't either until I had Eddie.

But then all of a sudden, there he was

and... I learned.

What about your mother?

Well, she's a very nice lady and I love her dearly

but she's yesterday and you're today

and Eddie is tomorrow.

And I want what's right for Eddie.

Norman, I think it's you.

Hey, my mother would never be able

to say to Eddie

"Hey, there's an idea

go chase it."

♪♪

[sighing] You're wasting your time.

Nothing's gonna happen here.

But if you want

tomorrow we can go see the lawyer type people.

♪♪

Okay, my hands are really super neato clean.

What do I do next?

Well, you could start up by giving

Uncle Norman father lessons.

- Why? - Well...

He might get married and have a little boy

someday, just like you.

I don't have to be a little boy just like me.

♪♪

He wants a oner.

- Oner? - Unh-unh, a twoer

It's easier.

- A twoer is much easier. - A Twoer.

Oh, you pick him up on this arm and he lands on the that arm.

Oh.

Hey, how am I doing?

Neato!

Neato.

Neato.

Dad, did grandma ever have any children?

Yes, you see, I'm grandma's son.

The same way that you are my son.

- You're a son? - Yes.

But you're so old.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

When I look in the mirror, is that me?

No, it's your reflection.

Well, if I am not looking, does it stay there?

No, Eddie.

Then how come when I go back

it's always there?

People talk with their mouth, right?

- Right. - But dogs don't.

They talk with their tails.

Hm.

When cats talk, they purr.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend♪

♪ Pa rara ra pa ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy my up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪