Original subtitles

What do you know about girls, dad?

What do you wanna know, Eddie?

Well, I know all about the squinty eyes.

Squinty eyes?

- Max and I figured it all out. - Max?

Yeah. He's my new best friend.

Oh.

You're still my best

best friend, dad.

But you've been goin' out so much lately

I just had to get a new best friend.

Eddie, tell me about this squinty eyes.

[laughing]

Max and I figured it all out in the comic strips.

All the good ladies have medium chests and round eyes

and all the bad ladies

have big chests and squinty eyes.

Oh.

So that's how you can tell, dad.

Just look their eyes, it's a dead giveaway.

[theme music]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy my up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

I'll try not to be too late, Mrs. Livingston.

Oh, that's alright, Mr. Eddie's father, I'll be alright.

I really appreciate you're giving up your class

in night school tonight.

Oh, they'll let me attend tomorrow night.

I am one of their best people.

- Pupils. - No, people.

I study very hard, I do all my homework

I try not to miss my school

I am one of their best people.

People.

Oh, did Eddie tell you about Max?

Yes, I, uh, I think I've been replaced.

No, I think it's anything to worry about.

Oh, did he tell you that

Max has no father and just mother?

No.

I think Eddie's mother-shopping again.

Oh.

- Goodnight, Mrs. Livingston. - Goodnight.

♪♪

People.

People.

♪♪

[speaking in foreign language]

Hello, Mrs. Livingston, everything alright?

Yes, fine, he got up once

but he went right back to sleep.

- In your bed. - Oh.

Well, thank you very much for staying tonight

Mrs. Livingston, I appreciate it.

Oh, that's alright, Mr. Eddie's father.

I study a lot this evening.

People is a person

and Pupil is a people

who is a person in a school.

Goodnight, Mr. Eddie's father.

Goodnight, Mrs. Livingston.

♪ Little cowboy ♪

♪ Put your saddle down ♪

♪ And say goodnight ♪

[snoring]

Eddie, why aren't you sleeping?

Did she have 'em, dad?

- Who? - Your lady, did she have 'em?

- Have what? - Squinty eyes.

Well, she was a very nice lady, Eddie

and we spent most of the evening talking about you.

About me?

Yes, I'm worried about you, Eddie.

I don't want you to be unhappy.

I don't want me to be unhappy either.

I love being with you and we've great times together, right?

Yup.

But there are some things that adults have to do.

Just like there are some things that children have to do.

I can't go to school with you

and you can't go to work with me.

So that means that we can't spend all of our time together.

It doesn't mean we don't want to.

It just means that, that's the way it is.

I got it, dad.

You're a good fella. Alright, now go to sleep.

♪♪

Dad, do you think Max could come stay with us

for the weekend?

You want him to, Eddie?

Well, sure, that way

when you have to have your time to be alone

I can have someone to be alone with.

Okay, I'll invite him.

I'll call his mother tomorrow morning and ask her permission.

Invite her too, she's beautiful.

♪♪

Eddie, we just can't go running inviting

strange ladies to spend the weekend with us

in the apartment.

Not the weekend, just for dinner.

When she brings Max, here.

Now, Eddie, is it really that you wanna have

your friend Max over?

Or are you trying to find me a girl?

She's not a girl, she's a full grown mother

and she's all broken in.

I've seen her, and she's beautiful.

Round eyes?

- Dad? - Eddie, please.

Let me find my own girls.

- But, dad... - Eddie, goodnight.

[snoring]

[Tom] Eddie...

Mrs. Kelly?

Mrs. Betty Kelly.

Well, my name is Tom Corbett.

Why, i-it seems that your son

and my son have become very close pals.

That's right, Eddie Corbett.

Well, he talks about Max all the time too.

Well, any luck that Max over for the weekend as our houseguest

I, I think it'd be a great idea.

No, it's no trouble at all.

As a matter of fact, we'd welcome the company.

Well, I, I thought I'd take him to the beach during the day

if it's alright with you.

Uh, M-Mrs. Kelly, could you, would you mind holding on?

Just o-one, one second, please.

Thank you. Yes, Tina?

Mr. Norman Tinker would like

you to look at these pictures right away.

- Uh-huh. - Aren't they super?

Whoa, these are sensational.

Tina

how did Norman get that shot?

He strapped himself under a helicopter.

Hm? He what?

He strapped himself under a helicopter.

The pilot thought he was crazy.

He is.

Yeah. But he's a sensational photographer.

Yeah, but he said that he wouldn't do that anymore.

Not until next time.

Now, look, get these to Norman immediately

ask him to lay them out in a logical sequence for me, okay?

- Immediately. - Yeah.

I-I'm sorry, Mrs. Kelly, where were we?

Well...

Mrs. Kelly, would you, wo-would you mind just

holding on for o-one more second, please?

- That's all, Tina. - Oh.

Yes, sir. Um...

Oh, Mr. Tinker, uh, you want to see him right away?

- Yeah. - Hm...

I-I'm sorry, Mrs. Kelly.

Betty. Alright.

Well, my name is Tom.

Oh, that was about Norman Tinker.

He's my art director, he is a wild man.

He'll do anything to get a picture.

No, no, he won't be going to the beach with us.

Well, Eddie's not a very good swimmer either.

But do-don't worry, I'll keep a very close eye on him.

Yeah, well, I-I'm a father, but not a mother, Betty.

Betty?

Oh, that's, that's awfully late.

Uh, look, do you think that you could

feed Max before you bring him over?

Oh, well, that would be marvelous.

I-I'm, I'm sorry, could you just hang on

for one more second?

Thanks, Betty.

Oh, yes, Norman, that's it. That is absolutely perfect.

Now, all we need is to copy.

Norman, sometimes I don't think I pay you enough money.

Hello, Betty, I'm, I'm terribly sorry.

We're a little hung up here we have a deadline tonight.

Uh, Betty, look, um

by any chance are you doin' anything

this evening after you drop off Max?

How would you like to have dinner with me tonight

at my place?

Well, the-then it's a date, Betty.

Okay, bye-bye.

A blind date?

Oh, well, it's not exactly a blind date.

She, uh, she's 28 years old

she's a fashion model, she likes the same kind of wine that I do

she like the same kind of music that I do, she's my kinda lady.

You learnt all that in one telephone conversation?

- Mm-hm. - Mm-hm.

"I, Thomas Corbett, admit to having stated in the presence

"of one Norman Tinker, 'Sometimes I don't think

"'I pay you enough money, Norman.

Will double pay ye salary immediately.'" Norman.

No raise!

Have a nice date, Tom.

Little dinner, little music.

Mrs. Livingston, it's a thing of beauty.

[Eddie] All dusted, dad.

Oh, you're a good fella.

Alright, let's put 'em on the machine.

Okay, now. Uh-huh.

♪♪

♪ Rum ti dum ♪

♪ Ti dum tidoo♪

♪ Wum ti dum ♪

♪ Ti dum ti doo ♪

♪ Ti dum ti dum tidoo♪♪

Thank you.

Eddie.

Eddie, you should be in your pajamas.

But I'm waiting for Max to come.

Well, you can wait in your pajamas.

Mrs. Livingston is right, Eddie.

Now, if we're gonna get up early tomorrow

we'll go to the beach, okay?

- Okay, dad. - Go do it.

You're really going all out for me, dad, thanks.

The dinner will be warming in the oven.

And please do not let them overheat.

You must serve as quickly as possible.

And remember last time?

Oh-ho, do I?

Burnt dry Yakitori is not something you easily forget.

Mr. Eddie's father, in my country

we have an expression.

[speaking in foreign language]

What does that mean?

Uh, it is a saying.

It means brain eagles...

Brave eagle...

No, brain.

Oh, a brainy, a smart eagle.

A smart eagle hides its claws.

Hides its claws. A smart eagle hides its claws, yeah.

Since you have not met the lady

your preparation for romance may be

a choice of regret.

Well, Mrs. Livingston, a touch of romance in the air

is not a commitment, it's just a gracious

and a charming way to spend the evening.

[doorbell ringing]

[instrumental music playing]

- Max! - Eddie!

Want to play with my trains and my fish?

- Yeah. - Alright.

Hello, I'm Betty Kelly.

Hello, I'm Tom Corbett.

Hey, Max, you wanna go in my room and play?

- Yeah, let's go. - Okay, come on, Max.

Well, aren't you going to invite me in?

You already have my son.

Oh, yes, of course, please come in.

♪♪

May I introduce my housekeeper

Mrs. Livingston, this is Mrs. Kelly.

I am very pleased to meet, Mrs. Max's mother.

Now, would you like me

to prepare the two children for bed?

If you would please, Mrs. Livingston.

Oh, well, uh, here are Max's... pajamas

toothbrush and some clothes.

- Alright. - Thanks.

- May I take your coat? - Oh, yes.

- You have a lovely apartment. - Thank you.

Well, may I offer you a drink?

No thank you, not now.

Isn't it a little early for fire?

Why, haven't you ever heard of a cold summer night?

How about a dip?

- Don't tell me you have a pool. - No.

What I meant was...

...dip a chip.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

The children in their pajamas

and I will place the Yakitori in oven now.

Yakitori?

Yes, it's sort of a, a Japanese sheesh kebab.

Matter of fact, I better check it. Will you excuse me a second?

♪♪

[Mrs. Livingston] Mr. Eddie's father, please, do not worry.

Dinner will be fine.

Oh, oh, the dinner, yeah.

Uh, well, Mrs. Livingston, now, uh

could you tell me what I'm supposed to do?

Yes, I will show you.

This one up here, you take out in ten minute.

This one down here

you leave five minute more.

- Fifteen minute. - Fifteen minutes, right.

But if you leave this one up here for 15 minute

do not leave this one down here for five minute.

You take them out together.

Salad.

You take salad out

five minute before you take that one up there

out in 10 minute.

But if you leave them for 15 minute

start salad 10 minute before.

[speaking in foreign language]

Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.

Well, goodnight, Mrs. Livingston.

Be a good pupil people.

Mr. Eddie's father, Mrs. Max mother, sayonara.

- Sayonara. - Sayonara.

- Thank you. - Goodnight, Mrs. Livingston.

You speak Japanese?

- Wakata. - That's marvelous.

Well, actually, that's all I can say.

Wakataand sayonara.

- What do they mean? - "I understand" and "Goodbye."

Maybe that's all one needs.

[Max] Mama, mama, come see out here! Mama come fast!

- Max... - He took it by the tail.

And popped it in his mouth. He's the greatest!

Eddie, Eddie, spit it out.

Eddie, spit it back into the tank.

Eddie!

Uh-uh, dad, I was just fooling.

Where is the gold fish?

I dropped it back in the tank when you covered up your eyes.

I dropped him back in the tank. See, there he is.

You lied to me.

I don't want to stay here. I want to go home.

Well, uh... Max it's a little late.

What did I do?

You lied to me.

You said you can swallow gold fish and you don't.

Mama, I want to go home.

[Tom] It's very late, Max.

And your mother and I haven't had our dinner yet.

Well, now, um...

Settle down, Max, hm? Go in the bathroom and get washed.

Washed? You told me you don't have to do that.

He told me it's fun being black

'cause you don't ever have to wash.

You told me you are almost as good as me

'cause you told me you can swallow a gold fish.

[doorbell ringing]

Where is the bathroom?

Its, um, that way.

Okay, now, the two of you

get in there and get washed.

Hi, Tom, gee, you look great. The apartment looks terrific--

Thanks for visiting, snoopy.

- I'm not being snoopy. - Yes, you are, Norman.

No, I've come to deliver the copy for tonight's deadline.

You know the copy has to be

at the printers at midnight tonight.

I know, but I want you to approve it.

To change it, to fix it.

No, Norman, you would like to change and to fix

and to approve my blind date.

- Yo-you have a blind date? - Oh, come on, Norman.

- Is she tall? - Not that tall.

- Uh-huh, huh? - Not that short.

- Uh? - Yeah.

- That's Betty Kelly? - That's Betty Kelly.

- Hi, Betty Kelly. - I'm Betty Kelly.

- Hi. - Hi, I'm Norman Tinker.

[chuckles]

You are the one who straps himself

under helicopters.

Sometimes.

I've come to pick up my copy.

Goodnight, Norman.

Goodnight, Tom.

- Goodnight, Mrs. Kelly. - Goodnight.

Well, I'm sorry, he's a friend.

Oh, that's alright.

♪♪

I have my sister calling me about my parakeet.

- It's molting. - I don't understand.

It's a blind date for me too, in case I want out.

Oh, oh.

How're the militants?

- Oh, they'll get over it. - Hm.

Oh.

Uh-oh.

♪♪

[frizzling]

Well...

There goes Mrs. Livingston's Yakitori.

Well, it's alright.

Personally, I'm a steak and potatoes lady myself.

Well, alright, two steaks coming up.

Um... apron.

Right behind that door in the closet.

Oh, salad.

The ladies' work.

I, uh, I noticed

that you don't have any pictures

of your wife around the house.

Mm-Mm.

Too soon.

Eddie has one in his wallet though.

One day...

One day Eddie said to me

"Dad, is mother happy up in heaven

without me?"

And I said "No."

And so I took the picture that he had of her

the one smiling, took it out of his wallet

and I had to get him a picture of her not smiling.

And now he carries that with him every place.

Now he's happy.

[blowing a raspberry]

[blowing a raspberry]

Are you going to lay there all night and just be mad at me?

That's right.

Okay, then, I'm sorry I lied to ya.

I don't accept your apologize.

Okay, if this will you happy.

I'll go over to the fish tank right now

and really eat a gold fish and let you see it.

- Let me see it! - Yeah.

Don't do that.

Well, you lied to me too.

No, I didn't, I don't have to wash

except when my mother catches me.

I wonder what they're talking about.

Mostly slop and love.

What do you think they're talking about?

Us, when parents get together

it's different than people getting together

cause when parents get together

they talk about their kids.

You like my father? He's terrific.

He's okay. You like my mother?

She's terrific too.

Okay, your dad is terrific too.

You wanna keep that fish light on all night long?

I could turn it out if you want.

No, I like watching them.

Now, I know you don't like to eat 'em.

You're my best friend, Eddie Corbett.

You're my best friend too, Max Kelly.

♪♪

Tell me

academically speaking

how was this evening supposed to go?

Oh, well, yeah, um, ahem...

Usually, I start out talking about football.

Football?

[phone ringing]

Hello.

It's your bird.

Yes, hello.

Yes, listen, everything's alright.

Tell the parakeet I'll be home later.

Now, where were we?

Ah, football.

Oh, yeah, well, we were about to discuss the merits

of the single-wing-formation versus T-formation.

- We were? - Mm-hm.

Sure, now look

ladies know absolutely nothing about football, right?

Look, it's, it's innocent.

As a matter of fact, it's dull.

So, the minute I change the subject

they are so grateful.

You know, it depends pretty much on the tailback.

But the college I went to, we had...

♪♪

Hi, everybody.

Good morning, Mr. Eddie's father.

Good morning, dad.

Good morning, Uncle Tom.

I told Max that may be

you couldn't be his father right away

but you could be his uncle like Uncle Norman.

Oh, sure.

Thank you, Uncle Tom.

We'll pack up our beach stuff, okay, daddy?

Okay, you do that.

How was your dinner last night?

I burned it.

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Livingston, I mean

I realize how much trouble you went to...

Well, I'm in the dragon house again, huh?

As long as you and the lady had nice evening.

Hm, what? I'm sorry.

I said, as long as you and the lady had nice evening.

Oh, we did, we had a marvelous time.

Good.

But I know nothing about football.

Do grasshoppers marry other grasshoppers?

Yes, Eddie.

Well, what would happen

if a grasshopper married a bird?

You get a very jumpy bird, Eddie.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy my up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪