Original subtitles

[Tom] Are you lonesome, Eddie?

I mean, without a mother?

[Eddie] Well, I got you, I got Mrs. Livingston

and I got my goldfish.

If you do get married again

is she going to be allowed to spank me and punish me?

[Tom] Oh, well, Eddie, if you're bad.

[Eddie] Do I have to like it?

[Tom] No, no, Eddie

you don't have to like it.

[Eddie] Thanks, dad.

Oh, when we get this new mother

what's she going to be like?

[Tom] Uh, that's hard to say, Eddie.

[Eddie] Is she going to be nice and warm

and sing me to sleep

and be powdery and smell soft?

[Tom chuckles] I'm-I'm sure, Eddie.

[Eddie] Good, 'cause that's what I remember.

[theme song]

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪ My up my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪

♪ Pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪

[scatting]

Mr. Corbett, miss, uh, Bardman is here to see you.

Send her in, please.

- Hi. - Hi.

Oh, Mr. Corbett, could you sign these papers?

Um, you said you wanted to get them out by tonight.

Yes, yes, of course.

[Corbett sighing]

Oh, there's a new tape on the machine but you don't have

to get to it till first thing tomorrow morning, hm.

Okay.

How are you?

Well, since last night?

Or since talking on the phone this afternoon?

Or since I got your flowers?

- Any or all. - Well...

Since talking, seeing and flower-getting...

Hm?

Good, better, best.

Good...

[knocking on door]

[singsong tone] Forgot your signature.

[singsong tone] I must've had something else

in my mind.

I guess so.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes... um...

♪♪

♪ Ti ti ti ti ♪

♪ Ti-ti ti-ti ti-ti ♪♪

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck

if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

"How much wood...

How much wood would woodchuck chuck--"

"If a woodchuck would chuck wood?"

"If a woodchuck could chuck wood."

Ah, well, I stand corrected.

- You remember Miss Bardman? - Yes.

- Hello. - Hello.

Let me take your coat.

Well, is everything alright?

Fortunately, no.

- Unfortunately, no. - Yes.

Well, what's wrong?

I think Eddie's beginning to have a cold.

[sighs] Oh-oh, oh-oh, well, there's a lot of that going around now.

- Yes, unfortunately. - Right.

Goodnight, Mr. Eddie's father.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Nice to see you again.

Goodnight...

Thank you.

- She's very sweet. - Oh-o, Eddie's crazy about her.

Speaking of which, why don't we go pay him a visit?

Sure...

- He's asleep. - Oh, that's alright.

Come on.

♪ If you wanna be a cowboy ♪

♪ You better rest a while ♪

♪ Oo-o-o-o ♪♪

- Dad? - Yes, Eddie.

Are you home?

Yes, Eddie.

Good.

[sneezes]

Hey, here.

Here we go.

[sighs]

Here, give us a big toot.

[snorts] Atta boy.

Hi, Miss Bardman.

Hi, Eddie, I didn't think you'd remember me.

I remember all of dad's girls.

- Oh. - Well, uh...

Goodnight, Eddie.

You sleep well.

He, uh...

Ah, he hasn't learned to be diplomatic.

[laughs] You know, wouldn't it be nice

if we, uh, didn't...

Hmm...

One drink?

Well, if that's the, uh, procedure for all dad's girls.

Just the fancy ones.

[sniffles]

Mrs. Livingston, next time you go to the store

will you get something besides crunchy flakes?

I'm mad at them.

How can you be mad at cereal?

They haven't sent my snow whistle yet

and dad wrote them a letter

and if that doesn't do any good

then we're gonna sue.

Sue?

Right.

What does that mean again?

You go to the court with a judge

and he will make them keep their word.

Right, that's what we're gonna do.

They better if the letter works.

That lady came over again last night.

Miss Bardman? Yes.

She smells nice.

Do you like her?

She's okay, I guess.

It takes longer to like some people than others.

I don't mean I don't like her

I mean I don't like her.

You know what I mean?

Yes, I do.

You mean, you don't mean you don't like her

but you mean you don't like her.

Gee, Mrs. Livingston, I don't know why

you have to go to school to understand English.

You understand swell.

Thank you.

It is time to take coffee to your father.

- You forgot something. - What?

You forgot to say without spilling.

Oh, yes.

♪ Be careful with the coffee for your dad ♪♪

[Eddie] Dad?

Open sesame!

[door clicks]

Ah, easy, gently...

Your track record hasn't been that good lately.

Easy, easy...

Well, you did it, my friend, without spilling a drop!

Oh, she only filled that halfway.

No, you still did a good job.

How are you this morning?

Very well, thank you. And how are you?

I am extra very well.

As a matter of fact, I think I have some

extra good news for us.

You got the snow whistle?

[chuckles] No.

Nope, something even more

important than that.

- What is it? - Now, you hop aboard.

And I'll tell ya.

Eddie, it's, uh...

...it's about Lynn Bardman

the lady that I've been seeing so much of lately.

- Oh? - Mmm-hm.

Eddie, you and I've been pretty lonesome

since your mother died.

Yeah, I miss mom

but I still have you and you have me.

Yeah, and I don't know what I'd do without you.

But, Eddie, even though we have each other

there's still something missing.

I feel it and I think you do too.

After all, don't you always try and fix me up with ladies?

Huh?

There's an empty apartment

up on the next floor.

Maybe a nice one will move in.

Now, Eddie...

...I think I've found a nice one.

One who can fill in what's missing.

- Miss Bardman? - Mmm-hm.

Will she be coming here to live with us?

Well, I've been thinking about it.

And sleeping here?

Well, that all depends

on if everything works out

and if we decide that that's what we all want.

That's swell, dad.

How about Mrs. Livingston?

Will she still be coming here?

Hmm...

Well, that all depends on Mrs. Livingston.

You gotta remember, Eddie, that she said she'd stay

and help us until we got settled.

[knocking on door]

- Eddie? - Yes?

It is time to go to school.

♪♪

[sighs] Um...

[Eddie sneezes]

- Oh, bless you. - Thanks.

Hey, pretty fancy, huh?

- Yeah. Dad? - Mm-hmm.

If you and Lynn get, you know...

Will we have to get dressed up like this every night?

No, I don't think so, Eddie, this is only because

this is the first time we've all had dinner together.

What are we gonna have?

Oh, I don't know, I imagine Lynn will

make something very, very, special.

How come Mrs. Livingston isn't here?

Oh, well, she, um, she didn't want to get in the way.

- Be careful. - Mrs. Livingston?

Well, not in the way exactly, but, uh...

Well, Lynn wanted to do everything herself tonight.

I got a wine glass. Does that mean I get to drink wine?

Uh, no, no, Eddie, um, I think you got the wrong glass.

You're a little young to have wine.

How about, can I have milk in this glass?

Oh, I think that'd be okay, yes.

- Ta-da. - Oh, fancy, fancy!

Here, let me make some room.

[sighs] Oh, that looks marvelous.

I hope everybody likes stroganoff.

- We love it. - I never had it.

Well, Eddie, it's about time you tried some fancy foods.

I made a hamburger for him, just in case.

Uh, that might be better.

Only I burnt it while I was

uh, making the stroganoff.

Mm, oh, well, just, uh, listen

the stroganoff will be just, just fine.

Lynn, would you mind, uh, putting little milk

in, uh, Eddie's wine glass

while I pour our favorite beverage?

- Sorry, Eddie. - That's okay.

I think I don't like pea strogoff.

Stroganoff... and don't you think you ought to taste it

before you have an opinion?

What does it taste like?

It's very good.

I think I'd rather have a bur-hamburger.

Now, Eddie, Lynn's gone to an awful lot of trouble

to make this a very special occasion for us.

Don't you think you could try it? I hope you like it.

But if you don't, you could be polite, you know.

- Ah. - There you are.

Now wait, now, before we go any further

I would like to propose a toast.

Eddie, hm?

To a very lovely lady

who I hope will make two men very happy.

♪♪

Uh...

[glasses clink]

♪♪

You're just some kinda lady.

Penny.

You'll think I'm silly.

Mm-mm.

Promise?

Eddie didn't like the stroganoff.

Oh, you are being silly.

He loved it. He told you so, didn't he?

Yes.

He ate an awful lot of cookies before going to bed.

He always eats an awful lot of cookies before he goes to bed.

Gee, you've been plying me with liquor.

Try cookies.

Why, when liquor is working so well.

♪♪

[sighs] I better go.

Yeah.

I'm trying to be a good parent.

I think I'm being rejected.

You're being postponed.

Which means I better go.

Well, you know, I don't want you to but...

Must be one of those...

...mysterious lessons one learns in parenthood.

I suppose so.

I will see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Yeah, well, ahem, I, um...

I'd better have the doorman call you a cab.

♪♪

[male 1] Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Who's fooling around up there?

We.

Oh, well.

Looks like there'll be no school for you today.

I think you better stay home and take it easy.

Can you stay home and play with me?

No, I can't do that, sport, I have

a very important meeting today.

But I'll tell you what.

I'll get dressed and then I'll play with you

until Mrs. Livingston gets here.

Sure, dad.

[phone ringing]

Hello. Mrs. Livingston?

You sound terrible!

You're kidding!

I've never heard of the American flu.

Oh! No, no, no, everything's

uh, fine. Listen, don't-don't worry about it.

You just stay there and take care of yourself.

N-no, not at all.

Not... No, no, no, no problem.

Alright.

Thank you for calling. Buh-bye.

♪ Everybody's got the flu ♪

♪ And now you don't know what to do ♪

♪ Call your girlfriend ♪

♪ The girlfriend ♪♪

Mm.

[sighs]

Hello.

Lynn?

Hi, darling.

It's me.

Tom.

Sweetheart.

- Hi. - Tom, is that you?

[chuckles] Yes. It is I.

I came over as soon as I could.

It's 8:30.

Well, I wouldn't have called for you

unless I felt it was an emergency.

I didn't know there was an 8:30 in the morning.

You never get any calls to model in the morning?

I never would take any calls to model in the morning.

Oh, well, welcome to it.

You can get a lot of things done.

Like sleeping.

You're not a day person, are you?

All parents are day persons.

Anyway... I appreciate you coming over.

And as soon as you wake up

I'll give you a chance to get to know Eddie.

Come on. Come on.

Eddie, Lynn's here.

- Hello. - Hi, Eddie.

Now, look, I have to get going, I've lot of figures

to look at before that meeting.

- What do I do? - Oh!

Medicine, every four hours.

Temperature, noon and at 4'o clock.

And if it goes up, just, uh, just call the doctor.

Eddie knows where everything is and he also knows

any number you might have to, uh, have to have.

- Right, Eddie? - Sure, dad.

Ah, you're a good guy, and you're a good girl.

- Mm. - And goodbye.

- But... - Bye, dad.

Well, I don't think there's any emergency we can't handle.

In a real emergency, you can always dial 0.

♪♪

Well, Eddie, time for your temperature.

Now, why don't you just slip off

your pajama bottoms and roll over?

Uh-uh.

[laughs] Well, it does make it

a lot easier, doesn't it?

Now, I'll get you some lunch.

Do you wear dark glasses all day?

Well, as long as it takes to get my face on.

You mean the gloop and glop and that stuff?

The gloop, glock, that stuff and lashes.

♪♪

Now, let's see.

- You have no temperature. - That's swell.

No, I mean you have no temperature.

It reduced to zero.

Probably it broke

when you dropped it before.

[sighs] Probably.

Well, you have your lunch first and then I'll see

what I can do about the thermometer.

Ah!

Oh!

I'm sorry, Eddie, I'm such a klutz today.

Yeah.

I need to get you some, some dry sheets

and clean pajamas.

But these are my sick pajamas.

I always wear them when I'm sick.

Well, we'll see what we can do about that later.

First you, you better get out of that wet bed.

- Yeah, it's a mess. - It's, it's a mess, alright.

Well, honey, how's everything going?

Terrific, huh?

Dad, there is one thing though.

Yes?

Well, Eddie, lots of ladies these days wear phony eyelashes.

- You've got any 5's? - Go fish.

[clattering]

What's that?

Sounds like the washing machine.

[chuckles] Oh, I put your pajamas in there.

[whistling]

Is that the regular sound?

It's a regular sound for when it overflows.

Oh, my God!

[whistling]

♪♪

[sighs]

Oh...

Hey, don't cry.

Oh, I'm alright.

Just that I'm doing everything so wrong.

No, you're not, you did just great

with the washing machine.

What do you mean?

You did just what

you're supposed to do

when you put in too much detergent

and you leave the cycle on too long.

You shouldn't use so much detergent

and you shouldn't leave the cycle on too long.

Right, but if you do, you should pull out the plug

and stuff all the towels in the cracks

and you did that just great.

Don't cry, please don't cry.

[sobbing] Thank you.

It's not gonna work, Tom.

Lynn...

...you just had a bad day.

It's not that.

♪♪

Look...

[sighs]

Children don't get sick everyday...

...and as a result

thermometers aren't broken every day.

And washers certainly don't overflow--

I have a pretty strong feeling

that if it isn't those particular things

it's going to be something that's very much like it.

Lynn, I'm not asking you to give up your career.

Now, if Mrs. Livingston can't stay with us...

Well, we'll just have to get another housekeeper.

Eddie doesn't need a housekeeper

he needs a mother.

Now, please try to understand.

It's not just because I'm all thumbs around the apartment.

I mean, if you can't make a bed right

there's no great damage.

But if you can't raise a child right...

Spend your time and live with him and love him.

I could be a disaster for a child.

No, I, I'm just not ready for it.

I'm sorry I let it happen.

Tom...

...nothing happens to a woman that she doesn't want

to have happened to her.

♪♪

[Eddie] Dad!

Your son's calling.

Hm.

♪ Tu ru ru ru ru ru ru ru ♪♪

- Good morning, everybody. - Good morning.

How are you feeling, Mrs. Livingston?

Oh, much better. Thank you.

Oh, that's good. Hi, sport.

- Hey, got a little news for ya. - What is it?

Well, Lynn, and I have decided that we're not gonna get

too serious right now.

- Really? - Really.

Don't worry, dad, we'll find somebody else.

I'll bet you will.

Hey, dad, look, Mrs. Livingston

brought in the mail. My snow whistle.

[whistling]

Oh, it's about time.

Now we won't have to sue 'em.

- You're right, yeah, we won't. - Here you are.

You do not have to go to court?

No, no, I don't.

But if you ever do, I'll be glad to be witness

for your character.

- For me? - Yes.

I think you're a nice man and good father.

Me too.

Oh, Mrs. Livingston, do you mind from now on

if I have my milk in a wine glass?

Having a good time, dad?

Well, I'm getting kinda tired, Eddie.

You wanna go home?

No, no, you haven't been in all the rides

three times yet.

How about the Ferris Wheel?

Are you sure you wanna go on the Ferris Wheel again?

I'm positive.

Yeah, but you almost got sick the last time.

This time it'll be different.

"Different?" Why?

[Eddie] Well, comin' up behind us, in the seat just below us

is a beautiful mother-type lady.

Most kids just have a father-father.

But I have a father who's my best friend.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ Pa ra ra ra pa ra ♪♪

♪ People let me tell you about my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

♪My up my down my pride and my joy ♪

♪ People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're talkin' man to man ♪

♪ Or whether we're talking son to son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ La la pa ra ra pa ra ♪♪