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1
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This programme contains very strong
language and adult humour.
2
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,360
What does Christmas mean to me?
Um... Ham, turkey...
3
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,240
There's a lot of lonely people
out there at Christmas,
4
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,960
so it's a good time to
get your hole.
5
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,760
..cheese,
6
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,640
potatoes...
7
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:17,760
Um...
8
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,280
Socks, jocks
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and deodorant sets from me mum.
10
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,000
I bloody hate Christmas!
11
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,360
..hot toddies,
12
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,480
Die Hard...
13
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,000
Um...
14
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,760
Watching my kids break
200 euro worth of gifts
15
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,600
within about five minutes.
16
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,000
Little pricks.
17
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,360
..oh, and spiced beef!
18
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:40,880
Huh, can't believe
I nearly forgot the spiced beef!
19
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,440
People buy shit presents
that nobody wants.
20
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,720
And they pretend
they like the shit presents.
21
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,280
Does it look like I have feckin'
time to talk to you?
22
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,120
I like the drinking.
23
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,040
MUSIC: We Wish You A Merry Christmas
24
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,760
Even though God chose to
have his baby
25
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,840
on Christmas Day,
it's actually a shit time to do it.
26
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:12,960
It's cold, you can't go on the lash
with everyone else,
27
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,280
cos you're up the duff.
28
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,520
And you'll end up getting fleeced
for all the baby shit you need,
29
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,640
cos all the shops are doing
the Christmas rip-off.
30
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,560
Sorry, can I help you? Er...
31
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,200
Yeah.
32
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,760
Er, is this a good one, yeah?
33
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Yes. How much is it?
34
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:27,960
1,100 euro.
35
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1,100 euro for this?!
36
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,240
It's a seat.
You could get a car for that.
37
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,840
A shit car maybe, but, like, this is
the top-of-the-range Buggy Master.
38
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,480
Who's the lucky lady?
39
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:39,840
It's for me mam.
40
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,600
We're having a baby.
41
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,920
I'm not having a baby
with me mam, all right?!
42
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,000
Get that out of your head!
43
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,280
Sergeant Healy's riding me ma...
44
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,560
Forget about it, all right?!
Me mam's having a baby. Oh, OK.
45
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,040
I tell you what, I can give you...
46
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,280
Give you two hundred today
and give you the rest tomorrow.
47
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,600
Sounds good, yeah.
But I can take this now, yeah?
48
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,360
When you bring back
the rest of the money.
49
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,560
OK.
Ah, you've done this before.
50
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,840
Ah, you're clever. Yeah, yeah.
I'll give you that.
51
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,240
All right, see you tomorrow.
52
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,680
So, now that I've covered the turkey
with the herb butter,
53
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,360
which is so delicious.
54
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,800
I'm going to put
the chicken in here.
55
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,840
You really need to
shove it up there.
56
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,320
You want to make the turkey
look a bit like
57
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,280
a pregnant woman
that's about to pop.
58
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,720
There, it's so easy.
This is idiot proof.
59
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:42,040
Ugh. Now, it's the perfect time
for a little sip of champagne.
60
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,600
She makes everything look
so easy, doesn't she?
61
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,600
I bet you when she was giving birth,
the baby just slid right out of her.
62
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,160
You know, like they do on TV.
63
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,080
I hope you're enjoying your
stress-free Christmas Day
64
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,480
as much as I am.
65
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,600
Cheers!
66
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,040
Mam? What?!
67
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,800
I just can't handle
being around Conor at the moment,
68
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,600
everything he does is stressing me
out.
69
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,360
Like, I need to relax for the baby.
70
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:03,920
Mam! What?!
71
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,840
Do you know where
I can find some clean clothes?
72
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,120
Hmm, let me think.
73
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,400
When's the last time you
washed your own clothes?
74
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,720
Is that a trick question? Cos
I've never washed my own clothes.
75
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,440
Exactly! And I won't be doing it
from now on either.
76
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,200
Here is the washing machine, Conor.
77
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,520
It has a round window.
78
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,480
That's how you know it's
the washing machine.
79
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,080
This one has a round window too.
Yes.
80
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,800
That's the dryer and he's best
friends with the washing machine.
81
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,840
All right, like, you don't have to
talk to me like I'm an idiot.
82
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,120
Yes, I do, because you
act like an idiot all the time!
83
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,960
No, not all the time!
84
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,240
Oh, that's true,
sometimes you're sleeping.
85
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,960
But you're probably having
idiot dreams!
86
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,480
Come with me.
87
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,960
Firstly, you put your dirty clothes
in the washing basket.
88
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,880
I don't have a washing basket.
89
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,880
That's your washing basket!
90
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,080
Oh.
91
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,680
No, no, no, no!
That's where I keep my stuff!
92
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,240
Yeah, well, your stuff can stay
somewhere else.
93
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,880
OK, I get it! Washing in the washing
basket! Thanks, Mam.
94
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,400
Er, you can go now. I...
95
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,000
Is this real?
96
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,400
No, it's not, it's not real.
97
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,640
Really?! Yeah, really.
Should I ask Healy?
98
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:05,960
Are you rhyming on purpose?
99
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,600
No, I'm not rhyming on purpose!
100
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,800
Oh, God!
101
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,200
OK, no, no, it is a real gun,
102
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,480
but, er, it's not exactly what it
looks like.
103
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,880
What...? Um...
104
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,040
Mairead? Yep.
Do you mind if I shower first?
105
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,520
Oh, yeah, sure, whatever.
106
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:19,920
Or you could join me?
107
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,720
Oh, you take your time,
and you never know your luck.
108
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,120
# On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me... #
109
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,800
You're not seriously going to ride
him in that tiny shower, are ya?
110
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,440
There's not exactly enough room
for the three of ye.
111
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,040
No, I'm not going to ride him
in the shower.
112
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,760
If I don't show up,
he'll just take care of himself.
113
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,560
I'm just buying time to sort
this shit out!
114
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,120
Jeez. # Five golden rings... #
115
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,800
Where did you get a gun from?!
Conor's got a gun?!
116
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,800
Jesus Christ, Billy,
You frightened the shit out of me!
117
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,800
What did I tell you about not
letting yourself into my house?!
118
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,080
Well, I wouldn't have to let myself
in if you opened the door
119
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,040
when I rang the doorbell.
That's the whole point.
120
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,320
I don't want you in here!
121
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:54,960
Since when do you own a gun?
122
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,360
I don't own a gun,
I'm just getting paid to mind it.
123
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,160
It's just a foxer, you know what I'm
saying.
124
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,560
A foxer is tiling someone's
bathroom on the weekend for cash.
125
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,880
Yeah, well, I'm not paying
any tax on this either.
126
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,640
Why are you getting
so annoyed about it?
127
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,600
I've done illegal shit before,
you should be getting used to it.
128
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,320
This isn't a stolen bike, Conor.
129
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,720
This is a five-year prison
sentence with a trigger.
130
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,280
Not to mention putting myself,
Healy and the baby in danger.
131
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,640
Like, what are you thinking?!
Who are you doing the foxer for?
132
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,000
Just this guy, Jack.
133
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,360
Tell me it's not Jack Hammer!
134
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,200
Jack Hammer! Oh, shit!
135
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,640
What? There's only one person in the
world I'm absolutely terrified of,
136
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:25,880
and that's Jack Hammer.
137
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,680
He carries around a hammer,
and it's not for fixing shelves.
138
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,200
He's a complete lunatic.
139
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,600
OK, here's what's going to happen.
140
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:32,800
I'm going to drive to the coastline,
141
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,600
I'm going to chuck it in the sea
and let that be that.
142
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,920
You don't want to be throwing away
Jack Hammer's loaded gun!
143
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,080
He's knee-capped more people
than old age!
144
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,360
What, this is loaded?
There's actually bullets in this?!
145
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,600
No, of course it's not loaded.
146
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,560
By "of course not" do you mean
147
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,280
six in the cylinder
and the safety's off?
148
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,160
Well... What? No way!
149
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,720
Is the safety on now? Yeah.
150
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,080
I mean, no.
Let me get that for you.
151
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:54,280
Safe as houses, Mairead.
152
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,840
Mairead!
153
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,560
And then I just couldn't get over
how many
154
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,080
celeries there were in the shop.
155
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,800
Will you look who it is!
156
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,080
It's Magic Mike.
157
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,760
Mairead, would you have a spare
tea towel there?
158
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,040
I feel slightly overdressed.
159
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,120
Er, Mairead,
you said you were going to ...
160
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,800
Oh, yeah, I was just having
a good long think about it.
161
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,160
Be right with you.
162
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,760
Go on, stick the emersion on there,
will you now.
163
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,600
OK, look, don't worry.
164
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,560
I'm going to bring Jack Hammer's
gun back to him.
165
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,920
You're eight months pregnant,
you need to rest.
166
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,080
You can trust me.
167
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,400
That's the problem, Conor,
168
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,280
I can't trust you as far as I can
throw you with anything.
169
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,760
I wouldn't be throwing anything in
your condition now, Mairead.
170
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,200
Shut your face, Billy.
Conor, I'm going with you.
171
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,480
And, Billy, you're coming too.
Why am I going with you?
172
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,280
Because it sounds like I'm going to
be meeting
173
00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:39,600
some very dangerous people, and
I need something to put between me
174
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,560
and them in case a bullet goes off.
175
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,080
And he's just too small.
176
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,920
MUSIC: Jingle Bells
177
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,320
WHISPERS: Motherfucker.
Mairead?
178
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,880
KNOCK ON DOOR
179
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,400
Conor, are you in here?
180
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,600
Yeah.
Hurry up, I'm dying for a crap!
181
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,280
Who's that for?
182
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,480
Jack Hammer.
183
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:29,920
I wrapped it.
184
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,480
Oh, I like it.
185
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,080
Hiding in plain sight.
186
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,720
OK. Mam, do you want me
to carry it for ya?
187
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,200
No, I don't!
188
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,560
Cos you'll probably do
something stupid, like drop it.
189
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,000
Go, come on.
190
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,760
You're going to be a great mam,
Mairead.
191
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,240
I already am a mam.
192
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,360
Oh, the law, the law, the law!
193
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,840
OK, Mam, er, you're not used to
doing all this illegal stuff, right.
194
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,120
So, just take a few pointers.
195
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,360
Don't think about the gun.
196
00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,760
Don't think about the consequences
197
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,000
and just act
like it's any other day.
198
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,800
Looking unsuspicious
is a state of mind.
199
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,120
Thanks, I think I got this.
200
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,280
I'm not taking advice
from you two dipshits!
201
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,600
Ha, ha.
202
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,360
See the United game last night?
203
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,760
Shocking altogether. Shocking.
204
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,600
Shocking. Don't talk to me. Huh!
205
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,000
Hold on, Mairead.
206
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,320
Is Healy inside?
207
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,080
He gave us a call there
to give him a lift.
208
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,240
Yeah. Tony!
209
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,000
I thought you were a "bike" Garda,
210
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,840
not a "I need a lift" Garda?
211
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,920
We're going for Christmas
drinks after work.
212
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,960
Isn't the whole reason
people own a bike
213
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,680
so that they can cycle home
after the pub? Yeah.
214
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,600
It's illegal to cycle drunk too,
Billy, yeah?
215
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:43,760
Huh?
216
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,000
That makes no sense.
217
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,160
It's not. It's not, like.
218
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,720
What does she see in him?
219
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,400
You all right?
220
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,280
Of course I'm all right.
221
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,480
She's acting a bit weird, isn't she?
222
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,800
I was thinking that.
223
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,440
What have you got there?
224
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,080
None of your business.
225
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,600
Oh, you're busted!
226
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,160
It's a gift for me, isn't it?
227
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,800
Aww!
228
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,440
You've enough on your plate now
without going and getting me things.
229
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,280
Aww, I've no idea what it is.
Tony...
230
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,080
What do you think, lads?
231
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,240
All right, well, ju...
232
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,280
Oh, it's very heavy.
233
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,560
Can you feel like a switch there?
Feel that.
234
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:30,680
No, no, no, no, no, no.
235
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:31,960
There's a knob there or something.
236
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,720
Oh, do you know what? It's probably
for shaving your, your beard,
237
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,000
for your beard, it's a beard
trimmer! You're welcome.
238
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,480
The Manscaper?
239
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,120
Good call.
240
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,440
Look,
it's supposed to be a surprise!
241
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,040
Do you mind handing it back, please?
242
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,160
Sure, the best part is guessing
under the tree, isn't it?
243
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,760
Should be like, "Oh, what is it?"
244
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:49,920
Oh, well, suit yourself, girl.
245
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,160
Ah, Jesus.
246
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,720
Ha.
247
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,680
Guess we'll hit the road, so...
248
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,680
Oh!
249
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,840
Clear!
250
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,200
Clear of what?
251
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,560
Clear...
252
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,320
..your stupid car out of the way.
253
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,920
You going to box me in all day?
254
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,000
All right, Jesus!
Merry Christmas to you too.
255
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,440
All right, lads.
256
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,200
Shotgun! It's a handgun!
257
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,680
Shut up.
258
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,200
They're still looking right at you.
259
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:35,040
Mairead, is there any chance you can
move your seat forward a small bit?
260
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,960
Oh, yeah, I'll just pop this baby
out and pull my seat forward.
261
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,800
All right, relax!
I didn't shout at you, like!
262
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,960
Oh, shut up.
Put your seat belts on.
263
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:45,640
MUSIC PLAYS
264
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,440
Just turn off the radio! Why?
Turn off the radio!
265
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,680
We need to hear...
I'm pregnant! Turn it off!
266
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,600
Is my life just going to be
a series of these traumatic events?
267
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,960
Watching you go into prison,
collecting you from prison,
268
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,360
praying you don't
end up there again,
269
00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,520
but knowing in my heart of hearts
270
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,200
that I'm at this halfway point of
this long list of fuck-ups with you!
271
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,560
And then me feeling like the worst
mother in Ireland.
272
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,240
You're your own woman.
273
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,080
That's what you always say to me.
274
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,800
You can't let other people
define ya.
275
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,160
That only counts for people
you don't give birth to, all right?
276
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:15,000
You're my blood.
I made you, I raised you!
277
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,840
And I'm responsible for you as
the fuck-up that you currently are.
278
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,240
So, yes, you do define me.
279
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,960
What the hell is this kip?
280
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,240
All right, Conor? Yeah.
281
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,560
Who's this lovely lady?
282
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,760
Er, Mam,
this is Helen, Hammer's wife.
283
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,320
Helen, this is Mam, my mam.
284
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,280
Lovely to meet ya.
285
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,240
Look, my son is minding
something for your husband,
286
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,720
and he can't mind it any more,
so we're here to bring it back.
287
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:43,160
Well, my husband's business
is my husband's business.
288
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,920
You'll have to talk to him
about that.
289
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,400
I'll give him a call.
290
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,840
Why don't you have a seat over there
and hold on for him?
291
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,880
You all right?
292
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,120
My mam's had a bit of a tough day,
do you know?
293
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,400
Do you think maybe you could
fit her in for a pamper?
294
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,040
I'll pay double whatever it costs.
295
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,080
Any friend of Hammer's
296
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,680
is a friend of mine, Conor.
297
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,080
No charge.
298
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,480
Sheila!
299
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,360
Will you clear my schedule there,
girl?
300
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,000
Sorry, ladies.
301
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,760
No Christmas haircuts for you today.
Off with you. Go on.
302
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,960
That's not my coat.
Off with ya.
303
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,720
We've been here all day, like!
304
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,360
Mairead!
305
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,120
Why don't you jump on the basin
over there? What?
306
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,800
Get you sorted for Christmas.
307
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,520
Come on.
308
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,320
It's your lucky day, girl.
309
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,360
Sheila, throw her over there,
will ya?
310
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:38,720
Look after her as well.
311
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,160
SHE SIGHS
312
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,080
Would you like a little
head massage with your wash?
313
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,760
Oh, that'd be amazing.
314
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,200
No bother.
315
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,080
Oh!
316
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,120
MUSIC: Jingle Bells
317
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,080
WOLF WHISTLE
318
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,400
Healy's a lucky man. Billy!
319
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,040
BUZZER
320
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,920
Himself is here, lads.
321
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,400
Er, I just have to go to the toilet.
322
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,840
Get back here, you chicken shit!
323
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,640
Hi, love, how are ya?
324
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,840
Hiya, Hammer.
Er, sorry to get you...
325
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,480
HE SLURPS
326
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,880
Ah.
327
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,480
I heard you were looking for me,
Conor boy, huh?
328
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,000
I heard you were looking for the
Hammer, huh? Is that right?
329
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,000
I was, yeah. And what day is it,
Conor, boy? What day is it?
330
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,200
It's Tuesday.
Tuesday. No, well, yes.
331
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,840
Tuesday. But who's coming tonight?
332
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,280
S...S... Santa. Santa.
333
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:55,800
Santa's coming, yeah?
334
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,240
It's Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve.
That's right, Conor boy.
335
00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,600
And I don't work on Christmas Eve.
336
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,400
Did you know what I had to do,
Conor?
337
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,520
I had to pause Home Alone.
338
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,280
I've left Home Alone home alone.
339
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,840
What?
340
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,760
This better not be work related.
341
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,800
Well, no, it's not really
work related...
342
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,040
It is work...! It is work related.
343
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,760
Sorry, I know it's Christmas Eve,
like, but...
344
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,120
Please.
345
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,400
Who's this girl, boy?
346
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,080
Er...this girl is my mam.
347
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,040
You're his mammy then, eh?
I am the mammy.
348
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,840
You're a good looking mammy.
Wha...?
349
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,040
Oh!
350
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,400
I see you've had
the Helen treatment.
351
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,320
Anywhere in the city I'd spot that,
it's lovely.
352
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,640
She's done it again, girls!
Isn't that lovely?
353
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,080
ALL: Yes, Hammer!
354
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,680
Yes, Hammer!
That's a lovely job there, Helen.
355
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:50,920
Erm...
356
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,360
Is there anywhere we can
357
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,000
kind of talk about this whole issue
in private? You...
358
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,600
Yeah, the office. Let's do it.
359
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,000
Don't worry, Mam,
I've got this under control.
360
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,120
Oh, I feel so much better
hearing that, Conor.
361
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,080
What are you doing
bringing your mammy in here
362
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,320
with a baby in her belly?
363
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,720
Er, she wouldn't stay at home. Huh?
364
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,480
Why wouldn't you stay at home with
your feet up,
365
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,760
resting with a baby in your belly,
girl?
366
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:15,960
How am I supposed to rest
367
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,080
when you've got my son playing hide
and seek with a gun in my house?!
368
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,600
Did you not tell her it was a foxer?
369
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,160
He came to me, said he needed
a couple of quid for Christmas,
370
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,880
so I looked after the boy, girl.
371
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,200
Well, you can look after him again
now and take the gun back, please!
372
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,760
Whoa, ho, ho... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
373
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,640
I don't work on Christmas Eve.
374
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,240
And anyway,
we had an agreement, boy.
375
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,040
Look, he's not responsible enough
to make agreements, OK?
376
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,360
So, you're going to have to make
a new agreement with me!
377
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:39,480
Oh!
378
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,600
Ha, ha! Have a look.
379
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:43,840
Ah!
380
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,200
Lovely.
381
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:49,440
Oh, thanks very much now!
Thanks girl, oh!
382
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,360
Oh, sure I love a bit of cooking,
me.
383
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,520
That's great!
384
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,800
Where the fuck is the gun?!
385
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,040
A gu... A what?
386
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,680
That was supposed to be a gun.
387
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,640
Why would you wrap a gun
in Christmas wrapping paper?
388
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:01,920
Sure, that's very dangerous, girl.
389
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,800
Well, we wrapped your gun up
in paper to hide it
390
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,360
on the way here but it must have got
mixed up with a present at home.
391
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:07,840
I tell you what,
I'm going to go and get the gun
392
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:08,960
and bring it back to you, all right?
393
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,400
You're not going fuckin'
anywhere, boy.
394
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,680
Your own mother didn't even trust
you to get the gun back to me.
395
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,800
Do you really think I'm going to
trust you
396
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,280
with a fuckin' hot gun, boy,
397
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,040
when you don't even know
where it is?
398
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,240
I was in a good mood earlier on.
399
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,560
Now I'm in a fuckin' shit mood!
400
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,560
I fuckin'
hate working Christmas Eve!
401
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,560
Un-fuckin'-believable!
402
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:31,840
Whoo.
403
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,440
To the house, so!
404
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:34,760
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
405
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,520
Some human shield you turned out
to be! Get up out of it!
406
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,680
Open every last one of them
presents and find my gun!
407
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,600
Where's the fuckin' gun, man?!
408
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,440
You start looking, boy!
409
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,800
I'm looking for it.
410
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,760
Look for it!
411
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,360
Get the fuck over here, boy.
412
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,040
Where's the fuckin' gun?!
413
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,120
I don't know where your gun is.
414
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,280
Where's the fuckin' gun, boy?!
415
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,880
Are you wearing braces?
416
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,280
Are you not a bit old for braces?
417
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,280
I mean, there's nothing wrong with
kind of improving your dental...
418
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,760
What the fuck are you on about, boy?
419
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,080
I don't know.
420
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,640
It's a mouth guard! A fuckin'
mouth guard! All right, boy?
421
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,200
All right, all right! For all the
grinding and the fuckin' stress
422
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,760
I have to put up with!
423
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,960
Fuck's sake!
I can't do this any more, Conor.
424
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,640
You cause me nothing
but stress and anxiety.
425
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,520
Every time I look at you,
I get a knot in my stomach of worry.
426
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,040
I just... I can't cope any more.
427
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,640
Look, if we get out of this, I...
428
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,320
..I need you to move out, like.
429
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,880
I've got a new baby on the way
and I just...
430
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,440
..I can't trust you
being in the house any more.
431
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,800
What? I...
I can't afford to move out.
432
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,840
I'll pay for it.
I'll figure it out somehow, OK?
433
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,720
I just need you away from us,
all right?
434
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,600
I've had it now!
435
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,200
Agh! Keep looking!
436
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,000
Why is it taking so long?!
437
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,840
Where's the fuckin' gun, boy?
438
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,480
Try harder! Where is it?!
439
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,040
Oh, look at this!
440
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,120
No, no! Don't open that, we're
looking for a gun, not a bazooka!
441
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,440
Now...
442
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,760
God, Hammer!
443
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,360
Oh, it's a Buggy Master!
444
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,000
Did Tony get me that?
445
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,080
"To the best mam ever.
446
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,080
"Thank you for always being there
to take care of me.
447
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,240
"I love you, more than you know...
448
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,120
"..Conor."
No wonder you were doing a foxer.
449
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,960
Them prams cost a bloody fortune.
450
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,240
What the fuck you going on about,
boy?! Ow!
451
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,400
Argh! Jesus Christ!
It's like The Waltons in here!
452
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,360
Find me gun! Where is it?!
453
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,040
I don't know, it's not here!
454
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,600
Where else is it going to be?!
455
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,760
It's time for Secret Santa.
456
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,320
CHEERING
457
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,760
Healy!
458
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,040
ALL: Ooh!
459
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,560
And for the big man behind me,
I've this one!
460
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,360
There's going to be consequences
now, boy!
461
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,720
Well, what are the consequences?
462
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,760
I'll get you your money back,
I promise.
463
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,960
It's not about the fucking money,
boy, it's about the fucking gun!
464
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,200
Can you imagine if the Garda got
a hold of that?!
465
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,160
What do you think it is?
What do you think it is?
466
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,120
Give it a smell. What does it
feel like? Touch it. Touch it.
467
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,640
It is heavy. Heavy. OK, heavy. What
could be heavy now? Fishing weights?
468
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,680
Look, I lost the gun, OK? Not him.
It was me. No, no way.
469
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,240
You're just fucking saying that
because you're his fucking mammy.
470
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,320
And there's no way
I'm kneecapping a fucking
471
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:30,840
mammy with a baby in her belly!
472
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,840
You're getting it, boy.
Say hello to fucking Margaret.
473
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,800
Here she is, ladies and gentlemen.
474
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,760
The girl herself, the mad bitch,
Margaret!
475
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,480
Here she is.
476
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,480
So, pick a knee. Eeny, meeny, miny,
fucking knee, boy.
477
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,120
I suppose the left one,
cos I'm right-legged.
478
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,040
It's not about which one
we're saving, boy,
479
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,560
cos you're getting both. It's which
one I'm going to smash first!
480
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,400
Come on, let's go! Billy!
481
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,760
Something to say there, Billy boy?
Come on! You got something to say?
482
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,200
Yeah, whatever he says. Start on the
left and probably work on the right.
483
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,800
Billy! You're a good man, Billy!
Let's do it!
484
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,920
Argh! All right, bye-bye, eeny,
meeny, miny, meeny...
485
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,960
Oh, God! Just what I always wanted.
486
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,400
Put it in there.
487
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,400
It's a handgun replica.
488
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,720
All right, here we go! Here we go!
489
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,240
Jesus! It looks just like
the real thing.
490
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,360
SCREAMING
491
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,760
What are you screaming about, girl?
492
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,440
Huh? I haven't even touched him yet!
493
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,040
I think I'm going into labour!
494
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,440
Ha! You're faking it!
495
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,520
It's all right, Margaret,
you mad bitch! I'm not faking it!
496
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,120
Are you faking it? Cos if you are,
you're doing a great performance.
497
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,320
I'm not fucking faking it!
Look, my pants are soaking
498
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:37,960
and I didn't even piss myself.
499
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,880
Oh, shit, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
500
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,800
Fuck, fuck, shit!
Oh, I need to lie down.
501
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,200
All right. Billy, call an ambulance.
502
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,160
We'll pick up this thing with
the hammer later, all right?
503
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,360
OK, Mam. That's it.
You're probably grand.
504
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:52,080
You probably just need a big shit.
Sit down, will you?
505
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:56,400
Who's the wise guy who gave this
as Secret Santa? Huh? Huh?
506
00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,640
Don't be looking at me!
507
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,880
I've never even seen a real gun
before in me life.
508
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,080
That is so irresponsible,
whoever did that.
509
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,880
Yes!
510
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,640
GROANING
511
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,280
You, I need you to get more cushions
and a blanket off the couch
512
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,120
and bring them over here.
Then I'm going to need you to get
513
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,040
some paper towel and ice from
the freezer.
514
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,280
Billy, can you get me
a warm bowl of water
515
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,360
and some facecloths
from the hot press?
516
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,160
Oh, and that scented candle
next to Mam's bed.
517
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,720
How do you know all this stuff?
518
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,560
Me and the lads got really into
One Born Every Minute
519
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,960
when we were in prison.
I've seen my fair share of vaginas.
520
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,240
When is the ambulance coming?
It's Christmas Eve.
521
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,040
They said they're up to their tits
bringing pissheads to A&E.
522
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,080
I told them who I was and to
hurry up or I'd fucking kill them.
523
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,240
Mm. OK. Here, you.
524
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,000
I'm not good around childbirth, boy.
525
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,880
When my kids were born, I fainted.
526
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,680
What? So you can kneecap people,
but this is a problem, is it?
527
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,800
Yeah. Oh, you're doing great, Mam.
528
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,160
MAIREAD MOANS
529
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,320
Hurry up, ambulance!
530
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,720
We're going to get her
something to grip onto, OK?
531
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,160
Er... Here you go!
532
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,400
Nice one. Con, Con, get these
pants off. This baby's coming!
533
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,920
Er, OK.
534
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:03,560
I will take your pants off and we
will not talk about it ever again.
535
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,480
OK. How is Mam today? Is she OK?
Con, get them off!
536
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,520
Now here's the situation.
537
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,840
If the public ever find out that
two dozen pissed Guards in a pub
538
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:18,520
shot off a firearm, we will be under
scrutiny for the next ten years,
539
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,200
and our jobs, that's if we still
have them,
540
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,240
will be a fucking nightmare!
541
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:29,960
Now, are we all agreed to never,
ever talk about this again?
542
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,400
Yes. Yeah. Promise.
543
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,280
Yes, Sir!
ALL: Yes, Sir!
544
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,920
SCREAMING
545
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,400
Argh! Me fucking hand!
546
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,440
Mam, just hang on till
the paramedics arrive.
547
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,680
Here, we've got a bit of head
coming out.
548
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,360
It's got hair and everything.
549
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,640
Brilliant. Er...
550
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,520
Billy, it's been two hours.
Where's the ambulance?
551
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,480
They're saying it's going to be
about ten minutes.
552
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,600
I don't have ten minutes,
this baby's coming!
553
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,280
OK, Mam, why don't we say
we go for one, Mam?
554
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,800
How's that sound?
Shall we give it a go? Yeah.
555
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,480
No, wait, wait! That's enough!
556
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,360
OK, why don't we push? Yeah, yeah.
557
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,160
No! No, no!
558
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,600
Push! OK!
559
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,400
OK, right. Good God.
You're doing great.
560
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,760
Oh, Jesus! You're doing great, girl.
Great! Great, girl!
561
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,040
You're doing great!
562
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,400
SOBBING
563
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,680
You're doing great, Mam!
You're doing great!
564
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,440
That's it, OK. You're doing great,
girl! You're doing great.
565
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,840
We've got a whole head out now.
566
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,680
That's brilliant, all right?
Just keep going.
567
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,800
Con, Con, I don't want you to
move out.
568
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,760
You don't have to worry about that
now, all right? OK.
569
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,880
I want you to stay. We're a family.
570
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,520
I'm not going anywhere.
571
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,280
I'm going to do better now,
I promise.
572
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:50,840
You don't have to be worried about
me any more.
573
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,160
You just concentrate on this, OK?
574
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,960
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.
575
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,680
It's coming!
576
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,000
Oh, my God! Oh!
577
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,440
SIREN
578
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,000
The ambulance is here!
579
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,400
What took you? Come on, come on,
come on! There's no time for that!
580
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,400
There's a baby coming out
of her box.
581
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:12,240
Healy, Christmas has come early.
Go!
582
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:17,080
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! OK, I'm here.
583
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,600
Oh, my goodness!
584
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:19,920
Shit! Oh, my God!
585
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,080
That's it, Mam, one last push!
There we go!
586
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,760
CRYING
Oh, hello. Oh, my God!
587
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:29,000
Yes! We did it!
I've got a baby brother! Hello!
588
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,680
Yes!
589
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,600
We've got it from here. OK.
Here.
590
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,040
Cut off... Cut off the thing!
591
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,280
Give him an innie.
592
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,720
Outies are weird!
593
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,880
# These empty streets
594
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,440
# Full of glitter and gold
595
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,720
# I make a wish on a star
596
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:58,560
# For you to come home for me
to hold... #
597
00:24:58,560 --> 00:24:59,800
We have a little baby.
598
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,480
He's beautiful.
599
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,760
Now, that is a Christmas miracle.
600
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,360
Thank you.
601
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,640
Uh... Oh, Jesus.
Oh, my God!
602
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:26,080
Who's he? His wife, er, was doing
Mam's hair
603
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,120
and Mam left her handbag
in the salon,
604
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,920
so he just brought it over here
when this happened. Yeah, yeah.
605
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:32,360
And he fell over. Yeah, that's it.
606
00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:35,160
Yeah, you're bang on there and this
is... Christmas is all about
607
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,760
forgiving and all, so we'll forget
about that thing, OK?
608
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,880
And congratulations, Mrs...
And, Guard, of course.
609
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,600
I'm going back to watch Home Alone.
I've had enough of this shite.
610
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,600
Hey, Jack. Yeah?
611
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,720
Hammer. Oh. Oh, yeah, fair play,
fair play, fair play.
612
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:49,840
Happy Christmas.
613
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,480
Oh! Holy Mary, that's amazing!
614
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,560
Back of the net, Mairead.
615
00:25:58,560 --> 00:25:59,600
Well done.
616
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,280
What are you going to call him?
Erm, well...
617
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,240
It is after midnight,
618
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,800
so, I mean,
he was born on Christmas Day.
619
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:14,960
Well, it's obvious.
620
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,760
Santa.
621
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:21,840
Er...
622
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:28,240
# My world comes alive when
I'm with you
623
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:38,600
# And no more silent nights
when I'm with you
624
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,040
# While they sleep we can fly
625
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,280
# Through the hills in the night
626
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,920
# Ring the bells
cos it's Christmas-time. #
627
00:26:47,970 --> 00:26:52,520
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